//------------------------------// // The Sonic Rainboom // Story: The Human Side of Things // by Gylden Glor //------------------------------// "Come, now - could you not see how nervous Rainbow Dash was!?" Rarity scoffs as she tosses her mane. "I mean - she was in a right state! If only there were a way to be with her..." "Easy," I announce, leaning against the wall still standing after Rainbow's crash. "Find a Pegasus, kill them, graft their wings on, slather ourselves in stem cells - a.k.a. aborted fetus paste - and bingo! Makeshift wings. Easy peasy, fetus squeezy." I smirk as all the ponies in the room turn slightly green. "Peter - that's horrible!" Twilight protests. "How could you even joke like that?" "I, ah...I have my ways," I respond with a sarcastic shrug. "Anyway...in all seriousness, I agree with Rarity. Rainbow will want to see us there - it'll help her a lot. Plus, remember those stories she told us about old bullies? I have no doubt that they'll be there to torture her again, and with the amount of stress she's dealing with...well, let's just say she'll be fragile." "I agree," Rarity declares, before swaying a bit as the green returns to her face once more. "Ugh, Peter - you really should apply a filter to your mouth, darling..." "Can't. Used them to get the stem cells out of the fetuses." I can't help but grin as all the ponies in the room let out burps of nausea. "Gosh darnit, Peter - Ah'm gonna break yer' jaw if ya' don't stop makin' dead baby jokes!" "Okay, message received," I respond. I turn to Twilight. "Now, how will we get up there? Are there any spells that can help us out here?" "Yes, I've read of one," Twilight responds, unable to look me in the eye. I wonder why. "Geeze, Peter - how d'you keep so calm when you make jokes like this...anyway, where's that book - agh! It'll take hours to find it in this mess..." "Nope!" Pinkie chirps, holding out a book towards Twilight. "Here it is!" "How'd you find that so quick?" Applejack asks. I must admit, I admire their tenacity - they've learned to ignore me when I make jokes like that. It makes it easier for them to carry on with what they were doing, more or less. Ah, whatever - if Celestia were here, she'd be laughing. She loves dead baby jokes. Yeah, that one's not exactly right in the head. "It landed on my face when Rainbow crashed into me," Pinkie responds, calmly. I nod in appreciation of the legitness. "Alright...who wants to get the wings? I can only cast it once - it drains a lot of energy..." "I'll do it!" Rarity declares, raising a hoof into the air. "For Rainbow, I will brave anything." I restrain myself. "Alright," Twilight mutters. She has me hold the book up for her as her horn begins to glow. "Here...goes...nothing!" Light envelopes Rarity, and the unicorn starts to look slightly worried as it gets almost too bright to bear. I shield my eyes from the light, dropping the book in the process. Twilight doesn't need it anymore, as her horn is done glowing. Several minutes later, after the light has gone, Rarity is left hovering it mid-air, a pair of butterfly wings gracefully flapping on her back. I whistle in appreciation. "Impressive," I announce. "I know it's magic and everything, but...how do they retain their shape? I mean - they look pretty fragile..." "They are," Twilight sighs. "So you'll have to be careful, Rarity - don't get too close to any walls." Rarity nods, and Twilight digs up another book as Rarity admires her wings. I get bored of them rather quickly. Or, rather, I get bored of Rarity basically creaming herself over her wings rather quickly. "Right, now for the rest of us - I know a cloud-walking spell that will last for...well, as long as we want it to, really. I'll just have to cast it onto our hooves, and then onto Peter's shoes..." "Why didn't you do that in the first place?" I ask, confused. "You wouldn't have had to waste so much time on those wings." "Because I-" Twilight stops herself as she thinks, clearly searching for a suitable explanation. "I, uh....see...well, magic is...hmm...the wings, uh....umm....." She gulps. "Magic?" "You just wanted to show off, didn't you?" I ask, not very amused. "Pretty much," Twilight admits, blushing as she looks away. "And...I wanted to see if I could actually do it. You know - give a pony wings." "'K," I respond. "Cast that cloud-walking spell, and let's go." Twilight nods, and I zone out as I begin to contemplate Rarity's wings. No muscles, no skin, no bones - I don't even know if there are any nerves in those things! I mean, real butterfly wings are small enough to not really need anything like that - the bases can just be pulled my muscles, and the rest of it left to itself. But...I just can't get down how Rarity's wings work like that... Rainbow Dash "Don't worry, Rainbow - I'll be cheering for you the entire time!" "That's what I'm worried about," I mutter under my breath. Fluttershy frowns, and I sigh as I shake my head. "Sorry, Flutters - it's just...you're not exactly...loud, y'know?" I give her an apologetic smile. "But I think you'll do great, okay?" I sigh as I turn to look at the Cloudsdale Colliseum. "I just wish our friends were here..." Silence begins to settle for a split second. That split second is splintered by a voice I know far too well. "Yo, douchebag!" I can't help but grin as I spin around, clouds tearing up in my wake as I see a balloon landing before me. Rarity surprises me by flapping her butterfly wings as she descends from the basket, and I look to Twilight for an explanation. She smiles as she opens her mouth to greet me and explain. "Magic," Peter interrupts her, pushing her behind him as he prepares to hoist himself out of the balloon. "Funky magic, too - I just can't get down how she controls those damn wings..." It's a split second before Peter begins to climb out of the basket that I realize what's going to happen. "Peter, wait - you'll fall through!" To my surprise, he doesn't, and he stands, grinning victoriously. "What's that?" He teases me. "Pretty sure I'm standing on clouds right now." "Let me guess: magic?" "Double magic, actually," he responds with his eyebrows hiked. I snicker lightly as I wave my hoof towards the main body of the city of clouds. "C'mon, everypony - Flutters and I will give you the grand tour of the greatest city in all of Equestria: Cloudsdale!" Everypony lets out sounds of excitement and awe. I lead them through the city, showing them the greatest parts of the beautiful world of clouds that used to be my home. It's all going well, until I meet three jocks I thought I'd never see again. "Hey, Rainbow Crash!" I sigh as they fly over to me, and I prepare myself to be subject to mundane insults. It's really boring once you've got used to it, and - "Wow." I look over to Peter, who's staring at me and my tormentors. "Just...fucking wow, Rainbow Dash. Holy shit. correct me if I'm wrong, but - is that what bullies used to call you?" I raise an eyebrow at him. "Uh...yeah?" I respond, not sure as to where he's going with this. "And...I'm assuming these three," he gestures towards them, "are your old childhood bullies?" "Well...yeah," I respond again, frowning as he smirks at me. "Holy shit," he remarks, snickering at the idea. "That's pathetic..." "Hey!" I bark, scowling at him. "I was just a little kid, of course I had bullies! These three are doucehbags!" "Damn straight!" The dumbest one of them remarks. The slightly less dumb one of them smacks him. "No, not that you had bullies - I get that. No, I mean that these assholes were your bullies!" He lets out a chirp of laughter. "They look like they work at a fast food restaurant!" "Yeah, and?" I ask, my face flushing with blood as he continues to insult me. "So what if I had bullies? And so what if they're still pieces of shit? I'd prefer for you not to make fun of me for that - especially since you're supposed to be my friend!" He opens his eyes incredibly (and creepily) wide at that. "Wait, I wasn't making fun of you!" He protests. "No, I was just reveling in the fact that these motherfuckers got what they deserved!" He grins at me. "I fucking hate bullies! Trust me, I had my fair share of bullies when I was younger - and I didn't even get the worst of it! I've seen what bullies do to other kids, and I hate them for it." He waves his hands towards the three dropouts. "Seriously, these assholes ever thought they were better than you!?" He lets out comically loud laughter, and I smirk as I turn to the bullies. "Yeah, exactly! See, even my friends know that you're worthless!" "Hey - we're better than you in every way!" Billie shouts at me. Oh, yeah - I almost forgot they had names. "You're nothing, you got that!? You can't even fly straight!" "Wow, seriously? Still trying to bully her?" Peter asks, grinning wide like a goon. "Oh, man - I've got to, I'm sorry, I've waited my entire life for this -" He clears his throat. "It's time to channel my inner General Serrano!" "Who?" I ask. Our friends respond in like. As to why they haven't commented on the bullies before now...I think I may have to reevaluate my standards for friends. "You'll see," he responds with a wink. He clears his throat again before taking a deep breath and walking over to the three assholes. He stands up straight, and dons a look of disapproval. "Now, you three dickmunching fungal rimjobs had better give a good reason as to why you think that your lives are worth anything to anybody!" He demands. It turns a few heads. Okay, more than a few. And I'm pretty sure it just turned Fluttershy into a turtle. "You are all pieces of worthless fucking shit, you nutfucking maggots! You, are, worthless - do you understand me!? Now, go crawl back into your little fucking hole, and suck some fucking dick, you mudfucking shitlickers!" He grins. "Or do I have to personally see to your thorough ex-term-ination!" He blinks for a moment, and dons the same look that he had when he said "allons-y". He seems to try to piece it together for a moment, but then shakes the notion away. "So, what will it be, little kiddies? Will you leave and spare yourself further embarrassment, or do I have to make everyone here watch as you give each other a good mouthsuckin'?" The three bullies stare at him, mouths hanging open in shock. They're not as insulted as they are...well...shocked. Everypony is laughing at the three of them, including myself - that barrage was just...brilliant. Absolutely fantastic. "Let's get out of here," Billie mutters. "Leave Rainbow Crash and this weird-ass monkey to make out some more." I blush and begin to stammer a bit, and I just know - I know - that the laughter is now directed at me. But Peter shocks everypony, yet again. "Yeah, you faggots are just jealous," he responds with a smirk. "I get more pussy on a daily basis than you'll get in your whole life." Once the bullies have flown away, and the crowd has gone back to maintaining the weather factory, I pull Peter aside. "What the fuck, man?" I hiss at him. "Saying that we'll be making out - what's wrong with you? I've got a rep I've got to maintain, boy!" He shrugs. "It was the only way I could make sure they'd shut the fuck up," he informs me. "And, besides - it wasn't like I said we'd actually make out. I just said that I get pussy every day." He smirks at me. "And trust me - if I tried, I mean tried, I could be taking a new mare home every night. It's only my respect for other individuals that keeps me from doing that." I nod to him. "Yeah, well...thanks, anyway. You know - for doing that, and - what the fuck is that light?" He turns around, and we both watch as Rarity admires how the light shines through her wings. And she decides to enter into the competition. My pupils contract as I remember how nervous I am. And now, competing against Rarity...Oh, fuck - I'm gonna die out there... Peter "Where are they?" Pinkie Pie whines. I roll my eyes as I kick her leg. "Shut it," I mumble. "You know Rarity - she's probably putting a fuck load of makeup on right now. And you also know Rainbow Dash - she's probably taking a pre-flight nap." I smirk at the idea. "Quite a change in attitude, Peter," Twilight remarks. "One second, you're defending her, and the next, you're making fun of her behind her back." She shakes her head. "Yeah," Applejack remarks. "Ah must admit, the way ya' dealt wit' those bullies was mighty impressive, but if ya' start actin' like a bully yer'self, then Ah don' see how that makes ya' any better than them." "First off, that was nothing," I inform them. "If you want to see how a true badass handles bullies, you've gotta talk to my friend - whom I dubbed the King of Trolls." I smirk at the memory. I sigh as I let it fade. "But, unfortunately, that's long-gone now..." I nod solemnly to myself before grinning at Applejack. "And, besides - think about it: when I make fun of Rainbow Dash in any way, it's not to be mean. I do it to tease her. I used to do it with all my best friends. And they would all do the same to me." I smile into the distance, but force myself back into the now. Damnit, I really have to work on wiping out my melodramatic streak... "Well, alright then," Applejack mutters. "If ya' say so..." I'm about to respond when Pinkie lets out a shriek of excitement. "Here they come!" She exclaims. I look to the sky - well, the arena - and see that Rainbow and Rarity are together in the stadium. And Rainbow looks like she's scared to death. Brilliant. Pinkie cheers, waving around a foam finger that...wait... "Where'd you get that?" I ask, confused. "It was in with the stuff you made in Canterlot," she informs me. "Remember? You showed it to us, and you let me have it because I thought it looked fun!" "Oh, yeah," I mutter, rubbing my chin. "I almost forgot about that...I think I actually had it made when I was drunk that one time..." "Drunk?" Twilight asks, looking over in concern. I smirk at her in fond memory. "It's a long story," I promise her. She looks away, seeming uneasy for a moment before casting the thoughts aside. She refocuses on Rainbow Dash, and cheers along with the rest of us. I put in my own cheer. "Yo, Dash - uh..." I shrug. "Don't screw up!" I get disapproving glances from my friends. I shrug it off as I take another sip of the soda I bought earlier. Tastes like flat coke, but...at least it tastes like some sort of soda. I recline on the incredibly soft cloud, and I almost begin to doze off to the peaceful music. I shake it off as Rainbow begins. My shoulders sag as Rainbow Dash messes up each of her acts, one by one. I shake my head as I look to the Wonderbolts, who do not seem to be impressed. I look to Rarity and frown. She should be here cheering for Rainbow with us, not trying to beat Rainbow and look good to some fashion douchebag... A few minutes into the act, Rainbow Dash has flown up high, and Rarity is at about half the altitude she is. I look up to Rainbow Dash, and I know what she's about to try to do. I give her a big thumbs up in an attempt to soothe her nerves. At her altitude, though, I don't think she can see - Holy shit, Rarity is falling! "No!" Twilight cries. The Wonderbolts go after the white unicorn, and... I fall back onto the cloud, struggling to keep my laughter in. She just knocked them the fuck out! "Don't worry Rares, I'm comin'!" I sit back upright as I watch Rainbow Dash descend at neck-breaking speeds, both hooves extended as she prepares to save her friend. I can tell, however, that she's not going nearly fast enough. A mach cone forms around her, and I watch in nervous anxiety as Rarity falls to her death, and Rainbow is about to be bounced back and - .................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... I don't even... I just... I... I... But I... But that's... But light can't... But she... But I... But... I... But... I don't... Just... Just... Fucking... I am error.