Chapter 1- Crime of the Century?
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It was Monday evening, just after ten o’clock in the small town of Ponyville. A cool summer rain had passed through minutes before. The streets were empty and quiet, the town’s residents having retired to their homes early in order to avoid the storm. All decent, law-abiding citizens were safe and secure at home. The only sign of life came from a shadowed alley beside the post office. Three forms were huddled back against the wall, securely hidden from view. They too would have liked nothing more than to retreat to their home and dry off, but first they had some business to take care of. The smallest figure inched its way to the entrance, checking both directions before signaling to the others.
They crept out into the street, and though the crescent moon exposed some of their features, one could only make out the slightest details. They were certainly not ponies, with their hunched backs and large forelegs. They moved in unison, running softly over the damp ground, ducking behind trees and pressing against walls as they moved further into town. Soon enough, they arrived at their destination. The boutique’s lights were off, its windows latched and door securely locked. It mattered little. Their prize was inside, and they would not be deterred.
Two of them laid flat against either side of the door, watching carefully in case anypony happened by. The third knelt beside the keyhole, examining it in the dim moonlight. Reaching up, he carefully pushed one long scraggly nail inside. The stoop was slick with rain, and the night air nipped at his coat and ears. He fiddled with the tumblers, brow furrowed in concentration. His companions were growing nervous, afraid they would have to break inside. Considering the consequences of such an act, that was definitely a last resort. He ignored them, concentrating only on his work. Just one bit at a time. Something gave under his nail. ‘Careful,’ he told himself. ‘Take your time.’
A soft *click* came from the lock, and the leader sighed in relief as the handle turned freely. Waving the lookouts over, he pushed as slowly and quietly as could be. But his foot slipped on the damp stoop, and he fell forwards, shoving the door open wide. Luckily, the hinges were well-oiled, and the door swung silently. Its impact with the wall, however, would be anything but. Before it could hit, the largest figure had reached in and grabbed hold of the handle. The leader shot him a grateful smile, and then beckoned them in. They filed inside, easing the door shut behind them.
They crossed through the workshop and display room without a second glance at the expensive dresses or jewelry. Instead, they headed directly for the living quarters. The fireplace in the lounge contained only cold ashes, and no other candles were lit, but they could see well enough. They ignored the kitchen and the sitting room and snuck further down the hall, each of their steps carefully positioned to avoid any creaking floorboards or random objects. They ducked low to the ground as they passed each window, taking care not to even rustle a single curtain. If anypony had been there to watch, they would insist that somehow these intruders knew exactly where they were going.
They were almost to the stairs when a white object sprang up from the doorway, eyes glowing in the dark. All three figures came to a halt. The cat’s hackles were raised, its tail bushed angrily. It gave a low, steady hiss, as if warning them from advancing further.
The intruders growled right back, baring their teeth and staring holes right through the feline. They hated cats, and if their mission wasn’t of the utmost importance, they’d be doing their very best to strangle it. Well, business before pleasure. One by one, they sidled around it, keeping as far back to the wall as they could. When they finally reached the stairs, the cat gave one more furious hiss and darted back into the living room. Thankful it hadn’t made more noise, they continued up the stairs.
One of them tripped on the landing, and they stood frozen, not even daring to breathe as the thud seemed to echo through the building. A minute stretched to eternity before the sound faded, and with another stern glance at his companion, the leader continued up to the second floor.
They had to be careful now. If their information was correct, there was a second unicorn here. If she woke up too soon and discovered her sister missing, she would doubtlessly fly into a panic and alert everypony she could find. That would take precious time away from their head start, possibly even foiling their getaway. If she stumbled upon them while they were still inside… well, it would only take one loud scream, or one good spell to wake the entire town.
Nerves on edge, he waved his companions on and climbed the last steps. Another hallway, still pitch-black. He tried to remember the directions they’d been given. Two feet until they’d come to a corner. Take a left. Bathroom’s on the left, sister’s room first on the right. Watch for the creaky spot halfway down. Last door on the right. Be careful, the hinges WILL squeak.
He nudged the door open; each tiny noise sounded deafening and made him wince and wait to see if she’d awoken. But the house remained still and silent, and soon the doorway was open. They tiptoed inside, careful not to trip over the circular rug in the room’s center. Eyes squinting in the gloom, they glanced around: mannequins against the window, two large dressers, one complete with a vanity mirror, and a large four-poster bed against the far wall. This must be the bedroom.
But was she in here? Motioning for his companions to stop, the leader leaned in and cocked his head to the side. And there it was: the soft, peaceful breathing of a sleeping mare. Turning back, he gave a quick tug on the bandana tied around his neck. Nodding, the others motioned to the coils of rope slung over their shoulders.
They were ready.
Easing the door shut behind them, they moved over to the bed. The sleeping form turned in her sleep, and they stopped dead in their tracks, breaths held nervously. When her breathing evened out they advanced, two stopping on either side of the bed as the third took up position behind the headboard.
They looked down at the sleeping unicorn. White fur, a curly violet mane. Yep, that was her alright. Luckily for them, a sleep mask was fitted snugly over her eyes. Even if she awoke, they’d have a few precious seconds before she’d realize what was happening.
The leader motioned for them to wait. Reaching into his vest, he withdrew a long scroll and quickly read over their instructions once more. This had to be done right, and their client had given very specific directions for how everything was to proceed.
Satisfied, he tucked the scroll away and signaled the other two. They each grabbed hold of one corner of the blanket and lifted it slowly, making sure that no part brushed against her until it was fully pulled away. The unicorn shivered, her thin nightdress doing little to ward off the cold night air. Letting the blanket fall to the floor, the three figures leaned over her. Their eyes met; the leader put a finger to his lips and gave a short nod.
They struck immediately. One took hold of the unicorn’s forelegs while the other grasped her hind ones. The leader clamped a paw over her mouth.
The unicorn awoke immediately, her screams muffled as she tried to break free of their grip. They held her down as she thrashed and fought, but her struggles soon weakened, and she lay still on the bed. Once he was sure that she was finished, the leader reached down and pulled the mask away. Leaning over her, he looked down into her panicked face and grinned.
“Remember us, pony?”
Upon recognizing the diamond dog, the tension seemed to leave Rarity’s body. Her frightened expression changed to shock, then to incredulity. Ignoring Rover’s question, she glanced down to where Fido and Spot were pinning her hooves and fixed the two dogs with a menacing glare.
Keeping a firm hold on their captive, Spot and Fido set to work on binding Rarity’s hooves. The unicorn gasped in pain as the coarse rope bit into her legs, and her horn glowed with light. She was not going to stand for this. If these hooligans thought they could steal into her home and abduct her right out of bed, they were sorely mistaken!
“Ah, ah, ah pony. No using magic on us,” Rover chided. Digging around in his vest pocket, he withdrew a thin circular object. Rarity’s eyes widened. It was a ring, carved of jade and inlaid with crisscrossing lines of some strange silvery metal. Commonly used by police ponies, it would prevent an unruly unicorn from using any magic if placed over their horn. But where on earth had the diamond dogs managed to find one?
Knowing she might not have time to get more than a single spell off, Rarity took aim and tried to blast the ring out of his paw. The small bolt of azure light struck right over his wrist. Rover yelped and jerked back his paw, accidentally tossing the ring over his shoulder. Scowling down at her, he dropped into a crouch and felt around for the object. Not one to waste such an opportunity, Rarity took aim again and blasted him squarely on the nose, making him howl in pain.
Grabbing hold of the ring, Rover straightened up and harshly pulled her close. Rarity tried once more to blast him, but Rover was too quick, leaning off to the side as the blue magic flew past and struck harmlessly against the wall. Knowing she was out of options, she tried to pull her head away, but the grip over her mouth tightened as the dog reached down. The ring slid down to the base of her horn, and the blue glow of her magic fizzled out before vanishing completely.
Rarity shuddered as her powers were cut off. Her eyes squeezed shut, and Rover could feel her clenching her teeth as she tried again and again to summon her magic. Eventually she collapsed back against the mattress, her breath coming in quick, soft pants. With her legs tied and her magic blocked, she was well and truly helpless. Desperation shone in her eyes, and she frantically tried to pull her hooves free of the ropes. She cried out against Rover’s paw, screaming for help but knowing that nopony could hear her.
The diamond dog chuckled gleefully. After she had so thoroughly humiliated them before, it was very satisfying to see her this powerless and vulnerable.
“That’s right, pony! No getting away from us! Can’t run, can’t magic, and best of all…” Rover pulled the bandana away from his throat and waved it over her face.
“No whining!”
The unicorn recoiled at the sight of the cloth, and she began furiously shaking her head, almost pulling free of Rover’s paw. No longer acting meek and helpless, she was now bucking and thrashing like a wild mare.
“Hey, knock it off, pony,” he hissed. “What’s the big deal?”
Rarity glared up at him, the fear in her eyes replaced with righteous indignation.
“NUPH! Nnpfhh hh mhhnmh,” she said, her words muffled by his paw.
Rover scratched his head. “Uh… what?”
The unicorn rolled her eyes. “Uhmmpfh fnumh, nnpfhh hhmmpfh mmhhnmmn!”
“Can’t understand a thing she says. Speak up, pony!”
Rarity looked to be on the verge of popping a blood vessel. Spot stepped up to Rover and tapped him on the shoulder. “Maybe try taking your paw off pony’s mouth?”
“Oh.” He guessed that would make sense. “Okay, I let go, but no screaming,” he warned, wagging a finger at Rarity. The unicorn sighed but gave a begrudging nod.
Rover took his paw away, and the unicorn breathed in and out a few times. “Thank you. Now, as I was saying, there is absolutely no way that you are using that revolting thing on me!”
“Oh, come on!” Rover threw his paws up in frustration. “How are we supposed to keep you quiet then? Your screeching’s gonna wake the whole town up!”
Rarity frowned. “How dare you! A lady does not ‘screech!’ And for your information, I quite understand your need to silence me. It’s only good common sense for kidnappers to try and avoid detection.”
“Then what’s the problem,” Rover asked.
Rarity looked back to the dangling bandana, her lip curling back in a sneer. “My problem,” she scoffed. “Is THAT abomination. Just look at it. Bad enough you have me tied up in these dowdy ropes. I will not be seen gagged with such a ragged, stained piece of refuse.” She looked closer, and her nose wrinkled in disgust. “Not to mention that it’s soaked from the rain and reeks of sweat. No, you are not putting that filthy thing ANYWHERE near my mouth. If you’re going to kidnap a lady, you should at least put a bit more thought into your materials.”
Rover slapped a paw to his forehead. “Okay, fine, fine! Then what do we use?”
Rarity smiled. “Oh, SO glad you asked.” She nudged her head towards the larger of the two dressers. “In the top left drawer you’ll find several silk scarves that are not only chic and comfortable, but I’m certain they would also make exquisite gags…”
The unicorn trailed off, deep in thought, leaving the diamond dogs completely bewildered. Suddenly she gave an excited gasp, making them all jump back slightly.
“Ideaaaaaaa! Why not use that lovely red pashmina in the very front of the drawer? Not only will it do a fine job of muffling my screams, but the color will match my gown AND contrast beautifully with my fur!”
The dogs shared a skeptical look. Finally, Rover shrugged and loped over to the dresser to do as Rarity asked. Pulling out the article, he returned to the bed and folded it into a long strip.
“Okay, gag’s ready! Hold still, pony,” he ordered.
Rarity blinked, as if she had just remembered that she was in the process of being kidnapped. She opened her mouth for a loud scream, but the shawl was already being pressed down over her lips. The dog fastened it tightly behind her head, careful to keep her mane free of the knot.
“Okay, we got the pony! Let’s get her back to the den, quick quick.”
Sliding his paws under her shoulders, Rover lifted the unicorn’s upper body while Spot carried her by the hind legs. Fido took the lead, tiptoeing back over to the door and guiding them into the hallway.
Unfortunately, it’s much harder to be careful and quiet when carrying a struggling mare. Despite their best efforts, Rover and Spot bumped into the wall several times, stubbed their toes over doorjambs, knocked their heads into lamps and even walked right into Rarity’s grandfather clock.
All of this might have been inconsequential, until Spot tripped over a bunched-up section of rug just before the staircase. He fell to his knees, accidentally pulling Rarity down with him. Startled, Rover let go of the unicorn’s upper body, causing her head to hit to the floor with a loud *thunk.*
They could almost feel the hallway’s temperature plummet. Rarity was absolutely livid. She had been woken up in the rudest manner possible, was being abducted and carried off like a sack of potatoes, and THEN they have the nerve to drop her!?
“Muuh mmnupfhnpfh,” Rarity yelled into her gag. “Mmpfh hmmpfh mmuuh unmhnuhmhmnmh! Mnumfmhmmpfh mhfpfhhnmpfh!” The diamond dogs flinched back, acting as if the unicorn was an armed bomb on the verge of exploding.
Cringing at the enraged tone of her voice, Rover carefully approached, paws held out in surrender. He quickly lifted her off the floor, being extra gentle not to jostle her.
“Sorry! Sorry, Miss Rarity,” he whimpered, desperate to stop the string of ladylike curses. “Won’t happen again, promise!”
But before the dogs could take another step, the door behind them swung open with a bang. A unicorn filly stomped into the hall, her pink and purple mane sticking up in all directions.
“That does it, Opal! You’re always crashing around at night playing with that dumb catnip mouse! Well I don’t care what Rarity says, I’m gonna…”
Sweetie Belle trailed off at the unusual sight before her. Standing in the hallway were three large dogs. Two of them seemed to be holding her sister, who was tied up and gagged. All four of them were looking at her with the wide-eyed expressions of foals caught raiding the cookie jar.
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Sweetie Belle looked back and forth from Rarity to the diamond dogs. Surprisingly enough, she didn't seem very alarmed.
“Uh… what’s going on,” she asked curiously.
Fido stepped between them, trying to keep Rarity out of view as she yelled and cried for Sweetie to run and get help.
Spot peeked around the larger dog, doing his best to look innocent. “Um, nothing! Nothing’s going on…”
Sweetie tried to step around Fido. “It sure looks like something’s going on! How come you guys are in our house this late at night? And why do you have Rarity all tied up like that?”
“Well, you see…”
“Are you guys playing Cowcolts and Indians,” the filly guessed. “Or is this like at mom and dad’s house when they put the hat over the door and I’m supposed to stay in my room all night and sleep with earplugs?”
“Nupfh! Nnpfh nnpfh,” Rarity said, blushing heavily. Luckily for her, none of the dogs seemed to understand what Sweetie was talking about. Unluckily for them, they were also terrible at coming up with excuses. After a few more seconds of head-scratching and unintelligible muttering, Fido simply decided to blurt out the truth.
“We’re kidnapping your sister,” he growled, looming over the smaller pony. “And you’d better keep quiet about it or else!”
Sweetie Belle’s jaw dropped. “Ooh, really?!”
Fido couldn’t help but boggle. Was that a trick question? They had Rarity tied up and were carrying her off into the night! What else would they be doing?
“Um… yes?”
Looking past the diamond dog, she grinned widely at Rarity. “Wow! This is awesome. Congrats, sis! You really MUST be famous if you’re already getting stalked by crazy nincompoops!”
“Wha… we are NOT nincompoops,” Rover yelled.
Sweetie rolled her eyes. “Uh, yes you are! You’re the diamond dogs, right?”
“Aha, so you’ve heard of us!” Spot puffed up his chest proudly.
“Yep. Rarity told me all about you guys. That you’re a bunch of… how’d you say it sis? ‘Bumbling oafs who are so incompetent I could outwit them in my sleep,’ right?”
The dogs all turned to glare at Rarity, who had stopped her struggling and gave them an apologetic look.
“Anyway, how come you want to kidnap my sister?”
“Oh, right! The plan,” Spot trailed off. “What was the plan again?”
“We’re taking her back to our lair! Then as revenge for humiliating us, we’ll hold her for ransom,” Rover said. “Make her little dragon friend bring us all the jewels he can carry, until we get all the gems in town!”
Sweetie made a face like she’d just bit into a lemon. “Are you serious? That’s all?”
“Uh... maybe?”
The filly shook her head in disbelief. “All that work just for some gems? Why bother? You know that Rarity’s got lots of gems here, right? You could just steal them instead.”
The dogs were speechless. Obviously this possibility hadn’t occurred to them before. They looked back at Rarity, who was leveling an icy glare their way, as if to say that they had damn well better not go rummaging through her boutique.
“Because! Because…”
“Or why not steal the gems first and THEN kidnap her,” Sweetie offered. “Then Spike’ll bring even more gems, and then you can kidnap him too and ransom them both for even more! Spike’s mom is the princess, ya know. I bet she’d give you all sorts of rich stuff.”
“Fnhnpfhuhhmmpfh mnnnhh pfh,” Rarity said, trying to keep her sister from giving the dogs any more ideas. “Fpfhupfh muhumunmuhh pfhhhmh umhhf.”
Spot looked intrigued. “Ooh, the yappy little pony has a good idea.”
“NO,” Rover said. “We’re not doing that!”
“Why not,” Sweetie Belle pouted. “I think it’s a better idea!”
“It would get us lots more shinies,” Fido pointed out.
Sweetie Belle grinned at him smugly. “Hah! See? They both think so too! I bet you’re just jealous ‘cause you stink at coming up with good plans.”
“I am not jealous,” Rover said.
“Then how come you don’t like my idea? I mean, you’d get tons of extra gems.”
“But it’s not part of the plan,” he yelled.
Sweetie stomped a hoof. “Well, the plan’s stupid! All three of you are stupid, and whoever came up with it is stupid!”
Rarity huffed at her sister’s temper-tantrum, and the dogs all seemed completely lost for words.
“You take that back, or we’ll roll you up in a carpet and toss you in the closet,” Spot growled, shaking a fist.
“I’d like to see you try it!”
“Oh… oh yeah?” Rover said.
“Yeah,” Sweetie Belle countered. “If you couldn’t sneak up on it, I bet you three bozos couldn’t even kidnap a pumpkin!”
Rarity snorted, trying hard to keep from laughing.
“Oh yes we could,” Fido looked back and forth between the ponies, seemingly unable to decide who to focus upon.
“Oh no you couldn’t!”
“Uh huh!”
“Nuh uh!”
“Uh huh!”
“Nuh uh!”
“Uh huh! And we’ll prove it!”
Sweetie looked unconvinced. “How you gonna do that?”
Fido grinned and brandished another length of rope. “We’ll kidnap you too!”
The filly gasped, her eyes wide. “You… you really mean it?”
The dog nodded, glad to see they’d finally scared her into submission.
Sweetie let out a squeal of excitement. “Cool! I’ll get to miss school, and be part of a ransom plan, and help Rarity escape, and then save the day when I turn the tables on you! And then after I capture you all, I can bring you in for show and tell! Cutie Mark Crusader Dog Catcher, YAY!”
With a manic grin, she bounced over to the larger dog and held up her hooves expectedly.
“Well, come on! Start tying me up,” she demanded. “And I want a scarf gag too! Oh, oh, and take me back to your lair and ransom me just like you’re doing with Rarity. And I better get ransomed for good gems, too! Expensive stuff like diamonds and rubies. Nothing on the cheap side, got it?”
Fido took a nervous step back. “Um, maybe that wasn’t such a good idea,” he stammered.
“Muuhpfhpfh,” Rarity agreed, leveling a stern glance his way.
“Yeah, one pony’s more than enough,” Rover muttered.
Sweetie’s face crumpled. “Aww! No fair! I never get to do anything fun.” Her eyes watered; her expression so forlorn that the dogs scrambled to appease her.
“No, no crying! You can help,” Rover insisted. “You, um, can write ransom note!”
The filly sniffled back tears. “Really? Can I deliver it too?”
“Sure, sure, whatever. Just stop crying!”
“Okay! Let me go get a quill and paper,” she said brightly. She trotted down the stairs, leaving the captors and captive standing awkwardly in the hall. When he was sure the filly was out of earshot, Spot leaned closer to Rarity.
“She always like that,” he asked. Rarity could only nod.
Sweetie came charging back up the stairs, hooves banging against the wood. “Okay, got it! I’m gonna try and write it in really cool, scary handwriting. Like an axe murderer’s!”
“Uh, right.” Motioning for Fido to hold Rarity, Rover reached into his vest and withdrew a scroll. Unrolling it, he cleared his throat and began to dictate.
“Attention, Ponyville Dragon!”
“Wait, wait, wait,” Sweetie interrupted. ‘Shouldn’t it be ‘Attention, Spike?’ I mean, he’s the only dragon in town.
“Just WRITE,” Rover growled through his teeth.
The filly rolled her eyes. “Fine. Sheesh, this is worse than when we tried getting our stenographer cutie marks.”
True to her word, Sweetie Belle copied the message down exactly, not making a peep as she worked. Finally she set her quill aside and wiped a trickle of sweat from her forehead.
“Done,” she announced.
Rover rubbed his paws together. “Good good! Now, read it back.”
Sweetie lifted the scroll and read in the meanest, gravelliest voice she could manage.
“Attention, Ponyville Dragon!”
“We have kidnapped your precious Rarity. By the time you read this, she will be locked away in her our lair, never to be seen again. You cannot find us! You cannot stop us! But if you want her safely returned, come alone to the Rambling Rock Ridge before daybreak, and bring the following gems:
178 diamonds
122 amethysts
99 sapphires
76 pearls
52 rubies
41 emeralds
25 garnets
8 opals
Do not delay, or she will be made to suffer. Come and save her, if you dare.
Signed, the diamond dogs.”
Sweetie looked up from the paper and gave a disgusted ‘blah.’
“That’s really corny.”
The dogs gaped at her as if they’d been slapped in the face. Strangely enough, Rarity also looked quite insulted.
“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean,” Spot demanded.
“Ransom notes are supposed to be scary or threatening, not sappy! I mean, come on!”
Sweetie Belle crossed her hooves and batted her eyelashes. “‘Your precious Rarity,’” she quoted in a breathy, demure voice. “‘Save her if you dare?’ It sounds like the same cheesy junk that’s in those goofy romance stories my sister reads. It’s mush! Which one of you came up with this anyway?”
Rover glanced back at Rarity, who looked angry enough to tear out of the ropes and throttle Sweetie Belle herself.
“Doesn’t matter,” he said quickly, looking to the other dogs. “Ready to go?”
They nodded, all too eager to get the hell away from this annoying filly. Ensuring he had a tight hold on Rarity, he began leading the dogs back down the stairs as Sweetie Belle followed. “Come on, guys! Don’t ignore me. You know I’m right!”
Rover looked back at her over his shoulder. “Don’t care! Stop questioning the note!”
“I’m just saying it could be a lot better,” she continued. “It’s gotta sound tough! Something like… ‘Avast, Spikey! We’ve stolen yer wench! Bring us some looty if ya want back her booty, arr har!’ See? Sounds way cooler!”
Rarity seemed to disagree, squirming in her bonds and loudly protesting that she was NOT a wench.
“Nope, not changing it. Shut up,” Rover grumbled. The door was in sight. Only a few seconds more and they were home free. He could almost hear the wonderful silence…
The filly didn’t seem fazed in the least. “Okay fine, how about this one? ‘Listen up, youse ponies! We’s got Rarity, see? And we’re gonna hold ‘er for ransom, see? So you doity rats better bring us dose gems or dere’s gonna be trouble, see?’”
Unable to take anymore of Sweetie’s assistance, Fido spun around and snatched up the filly, shaking her back and forth. “JUST DELIVER NOTE AND STOP TALKING!”
Sweetie waved a hoof dismissively and squirmed out of his grip. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’ll deliver your sappy note. Bah, you guys sure don’t take advice very well.”
Hopping back down to the floor, she shooed them out of the boutique and locked the door behind them.
As the dogs turned to leave, she reached out and gave Rarity a comforting pat on the leg. “Have fun, sis!”
They headed off in separate directions, only for Sweetie to stop and yell out.
“And don’t worry, I’ll get this to Spike and he’ll come save you right away. Then he can sweep you off your hooves and the two of you can abscond to your boudoir and do all the other stuff that I didn’t get to read about ‘cause you took your diary back before I finished it.”
“UHMHMMPFH MMUUH NUPFHPFHNH!” Rarity began thrashing around in their paws as the diamond dogs rushed off towards the forest. Sweetie Belle giggled and waved as they vanished into the night with their struggling hostage.
“Bye, Rarity! Send us a postcard!”
Sweetie yelped at the new voice. Whipping her head around, she saw Pinkie Pie standing beside her, happily waving.
“Pinkie,” she gasped. “What are you doing here?!”
The party pony grinned down at her. “We~eeeeeellllll, there I was suffering from a late night snack attack. I was rooting around for cupcakes when suddenly my pinkie sense started tingling. Right foreleg, both ears and my nose means somepony’s going on a trip! Left eyebrow, right ear and a twitchy tail means somepony else needs help delivering a letter. With a double whammy like that, I just had to investigate! So I followed them straight here!”
“Oh. Okay, so how much did you hear?”
“Just the last thing you said. How you have to go tell Spike to save Rarity so they can live happily ever after or something.”
Sweetie nodded. “Yep, I’ve got the note and everything! I just don’t know what to say before I give it to them.”
“Ooh, I can totally help with that! Please, please can I?”
Sweetie grinned. “Sure! I bet those dopey dogs need all the help they can get anyway.”
“Whee! Okey dokey, so let me think…”
The two friends began skipping towards the library, with Pinkie offering constant suggestions along the way.
“How about, ‘Thank you Spike! But our princess is in another castle?’”
“I dunno. Rarity’s not a princess, and I don’t think the dogs have a castle…”
“Okay then… I got it! ‘Rarity has been kidnapped by ninjas! Are you a bad enough dude to save her?’”
“Nah! Those guys are too dumb to be ninjas!”
Pinkie rubbed her chin. “Good point. Oooooh, I have just the thing!”
She lowered her voice to a low drone. “How are you gentlemen? All your mares are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction!”
“What does that even mean?!”
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