Blood in my Fool
"Spread out through the castle! Nopony goes in or out until further notice!"
"What about the intruder?"
"Be careful, this guy's unpredictable! He can get you at anytime, anyplace and anyhow!"
"Yes sir!"
The guard stallions spread through the halls of Canterlot Castle. Pegasus stallions flew into the air for an aerial view, while the unicorns used their magic to search through the dark places. However, they did not expect to find The Fool hiding in the main hall, hanging on one of the tapestries by his legs.
"Wow, I haven't seen this in security since Bush got hit in the head with a shoe. Hohoho-hahahaha!" The Fool, being a skilled acrobat, flipped upside and crouched on the rack. "I guess I'd better get outta here before they find me here. Better safe than sorry, that's what I always say. Hohoho-hahaha!"
The Fool once again hung himself upside down on the tapestry and found himself staring into the yellow eyes of an estranged creature with a pony head, a lizard-like body and the limbs and horns of different animal parts.
"Oh, hello," The Fool said, tipping his hat. "And who might you be? More importantly, what might you be?"
"Ah, so you are a gentlecolt after all," the creature observed. "Well, since you've politely asked me who I am, I am Discord, draconequus, reformed Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony..." Discord's face became shaded with sinister shadow. "...and soon to be your worst nightmare."
"Like my naked grandma in a bathtub? Hohoho-hahahaha!" The Fool chortled.
"Now that is one image I'd like to get out of my head," Discord thought aloud before turning to the human jester. "No. Your worst nightmare means that I upstage the guy who's took my title as a Spirit of Chaos." The draconequus shot his eyes into The Fool's upside down face. "There only be one, and I mean ONE Spirit of Chaos and that is me, get it?"
"Oh-hohohoho! I get it, I get it," The Fool said, flipping himself off of the tapestry and onto a large lime-green bubbe to sit on in the air. "You believe that I came to Equestria to steal your infamy and obscurity as Spirit of Chaos?"
"I don't believe you stole it, I already know you stole it!"
The Fool chuckled in disbelief. "Oh-hohohoho-hahaha! Oh no, sir! The Fool, that is I, never intends to take the titles away from someone for a pleasurable laugh! If there is one thing I get a pleasurable laugh out of, it's putting corrupt power and nasty little dictators in their place!"
"Oh, you do, do ya?" Discord asked skeptically. "Why don't you prove that to me? Prove it and I will accept my title as Spirit of Chaos back."
"Oh, I will, my mishmashed friend." The Fool stretched his arms and cracked his knuckles together, palms facing outward. "All I gotta do is find a regular douchebag who lives in this castle, first."
"What do you mean I'm not allowed to leave the castle!?" Discord and The Fool turned to the main entrance of the castle to find a white, unicorn stallion with a blonde mane, black tuxedo and a compass Cutie Mark argue with the guards. "Don't you ungrateful worms all know who I am!?"
"Yes we do, Prince Blueblood," one of the stallions answered. "But Princess Celestia ordered that the exits be restricted until further notice."
"Humph. Just like my Aunt Celestia to order such an uncouth notice. I'll be tardy to my coat grooming!" Blueblood turned around with his nose tilted upward in a proud manner. "No matter, I shall retire to my private quarters then. Until then, I wish to not be disturbed or I shall report this to my aunt. Understand?"
"Yes, Prince Blueblood."
The regal stallion ventured his way upstairs and down the hall. The Fool peered through an "O" he shaped with his fingers and chuckled. "Oh-hohohoho. Snobbish, arrogant, narcissistic and proud. Target sighted."
"And do you really believe you can prove yourself with him?" Discord asked, floating upside down.
"Hohoho. Discord, my floating animal mishmash friend, if there is one thing that I learned as a trickster, it's that the feeling public humiliation and dissection is a fate far worse than death." The Fool reached in his jacket and pulled out a throat spray bottle with a red liquid inside. "And believe me, there's no greater pleasure that seeing a rich snob get what he rightfully deserves: a lesson in humility. Hohohoho-hahahahaha!"
^W^
Prince Blueblood hung up his jacket that his maids forcefully did for him. He tucked himself under the covers of his queen-sized bed, pulled a blindfold over his eyes, inserted earplugs in his ears and began to snore. His snoring was so unbearable and loud, he was unaware of the POP! that brought about a human jester in his bedroom.
The Fool crept over to the unicorn stallion, careful that his tap shoes did not grab anypony's attention.
He waved his gloved hand over Blueblood's eyes.
Nothing.
He snapped his fingers thrice.
Still nothing.
He tapped his shoes at random and did a loud jig on the tile floors.
Absolutely nothing.
"Hohohohoho. Perfect. Nothing says 'practical joke' like a victim who's blissfully unaware of his surroundings." The Fool crept to Blueblood's dresser, where there was a spray bottle with red liquid inside. He pulled out the identical bottle and replaced it with the original. "Hohoho-hahahaha. There, now everything is set."
Discord popped out of The Fool's hat, no bigger than a small rabbit.
"That's it?" the draconequus questioned. "You want to publicly humiliate Prince Bigmouth there and replacing his little spritzer is going to be the big prank you pull?" Discord's mouth was closed by The Fool's gigantic fingers.
"Easy there, Discord, all good things will come if you wait," the human said, before popping out of the room and outside the bedroom window, alongside an impatient Discord. "There's an old saying, my friend, patience is a virtue. Once the stallion wakes up, we'll be up to our necks in comedy gold!"
Discord snapped his talons and a recliner appeared under him. "Hmmph. If I knew this would take so long, I would've had more fun seeing an apple brown."
"Hohohoho! Wipe that long face off of yours, Discord! I guarantee it will be funny, or your money back!" The Fool peered in the window at the sleeping prince snoring in his bedchambers. "Now we wait. Now we wait."
Two Hours Later...
Blueblood stirred in his bed and yawned. He took out his blindfold and his earplugs and laid on his back, staring up at the canopy over his bed. "That aunt of mine. Prohibiting access outside of the castle because of some commoner is just uncouth," he said with a humph. "If only I was on the throne instead of her. Then I would've prevented some commoner from entering the castle in the first place."
Blueblood settled himself on the floor and stretched his legs. The snobbish prince slipped on his tuxedo, combed his hair then sprayed his throat with his bottle before he trotted out of his room. He walked down the halls, not paying any mind to the soldiers patrolling the halls except for a couple of noble mares gossiping about the castle lockdown.
"A dangerous intruder in Canerlot Castle? How simply dreadful."
"Indeed. Who knew how much chaos one little troublemaker can be?"
Blueblood smirked. It looked like he found his next two ladies to invite over for his get together tonight. Being the womanizing stallion he was, Blueblood turned on his boyish charm and trotted over to the mares. The mares were slightly surprised by the sudden appearance of the unicorn prince. With a sly smile, Blueblood opened his mouth to speak with his silver tongue.
"Hello, my fair maidens. I couldn't help but overhear about an intruder running amidst in our castle." The mares' jaws dropped to the floor once they heard the prince's once charming voice reduced to nothing but a high-pitched squeaky voice. "Might I inquire that we discuss the matter of this utmost emergency somewhere private?"
Blueblood bounced his eyebrows with his smug little grin.
The mares simultaneously snickered then burst out in uncontrollable laughter. Blueblood gasped in exasperation as he observed the mocking laughter and the hooves pointed directly at him.
"What's this!? How dare you laugh at a member of the royal family!? Don't you know I have connections to--!?"
That's when Blueblood realized what was wrong. He could not see, nor hear something terrible had changed him due to his stubbornness and arrogance. His voice was as squeaky as a tiny pony, as if he sucked the helium out of a balloon...something that only a commoner would do.
Hastily, he cantered back through the halls, screaming his squeaky voice off.
"Somepony call my Aunt Celestia! The intruder has tampered with my voice!" Blueblood yelled, getting the bug-eyed attention of the guard stallions. He quickly barged in his room for cover. "Somepony catch the intruder! That ruffian has--!"
SPLAT!
Blueblood froze. He did not dare see what had splattered all over his perfectly groomed coat and mane, but he did anyway. He found himself doused in apple fritters, cotton candy, fried dough, cherry pie filling...every carnival cuisine that he absolutely detested, all fell onto him from a bucket perched at his bedchamber doors.
Blueblood inhaled loudly.
This is the part where he goes berserk.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
The screams resounded through the walls, a scream that would make Luna herself jealous. Frozen in shock, he stood at the door, breathless by the heinous action performed by who he assumed the intruder. The guards assembled to the bedroom, followed by the four alicorn princesses and Rainbow Dash. Celestia's eyes narrowed, for it didn't take a genius to realized the creature responsible for this mess.
"It seems that we have underestimated our foe again, Luna," Celestia said with a serious tone in her voice. "It looks like nopony is safe anytime or anywhere, for this Fool can strike us at any time."
"Sister, wait," Luna said pausing. "Can you feel that?"
Celestia paused. She took a moment to stand there with her eyes closed before they were suddenly snapped back open. Celestia's stoic face turned into a sly smile that she shared with the darker alicorn. "I can, Luna," she said. "The Fool has made a grave error."
"Error? What error?" Twilight asked.
"The Fool, as it seems, has somehow obtained only a shard of chaos magic along with the power to teleport at will," Celestia explained. "His tracks would normally be gone with a snap of his fingers. Instead, his ability to teleport has left us a trail to follow."
"Princess Celestia, I don't under..." Twilight left off as she began to decipher Celestia's cryptic idea. "Oh, I get it. You plan on tracking the presence of his teleportation with a bit of the chaos magic he has."
"Exactly, Twilight. And I sense that The Fool is just above our heads."
^W^
"Ah, hahahahaha!"
"Hohoho-hahahahahaha!"
"Di-Did you get a look on that stallion's face!? Priceless!" Disco said, wiping a tear with his lion paw.
"And with a bucket of carnival food dumping on that prince, I didn't think he'd scream that loud!" The Fool bent backwards on the spire of Blueblood's tower guffawing as he knew his plan went off like clockwork. "And you have to admit, replacing his original throat spray bottle with liquid helium was genius! Oh-hohohoho-hahahaha!"
"Hahaha! Indeed, you really do know your way around chaos!" Discord pulled The Fool in with his avian-like talons. "Say, you know how to pull a good prank, Fool! Why don't the two of us work together and spread enough chaos to bring Equestria to its knees...uh, I mean, give them all something to laugh at?"
The Fool rubbed his chin as he pondered the idea. "Say, not a bad idea. We could be 'Discord and The Fool, Masters of Chaos, Princes of Pranks and Bringer of Brouhahas!'" The Fool patted Discord's chest as he pulled the draconequus closer to him. "Discord, I have a feeling this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."
"If you think friendship is beautiful, then you should see how ugly enemies can be!"
Discord and The Fool turned around, astonished to find themselves surrounded by Celestia, Luna, Cadence, Twilight and Rainbow Dash, all flying at a circular formation with angry faces pointed at the duo. Discord shrank himself back into THe Fool's back as the latter looked at the flying ponies nonchalantly.
"It's over, trickster. Give up your mischeivious ways and your indicting will be hospitable," Celestia said with a soft, serious tone.
The Fool giggled to the white alicorn's orders. "Yep. Exactly like my previously visited towns, except with ponies. Hohohohoho."