Sweet Apple Acres: For Sale by Owner

by Velvet_Divan

Pruned Back

Brass and Tacks stayed with us on at the farm, helping in any way they could. When Granny Smith finally came home from the hospital a week later, one of the twins stayed with her throughout the day while the rest of us worked. That was a big help, though when I slipped into Granny's room a time or two to find her giving one of them the hairy eyeball, I knew they'd spoken their mind again.

It turned out to be dead simple to find the addresses of fellow farmers. Filthy Rich sold seeds far and wide, and he was happy to share his customer list with me when I'd explained my cause. I took the opportunity to lay out the zap apple situation for him as well, and though I could tell he was disappointed to lose some stock, he could see the wisdom in helping keep Sweet Apple Acres in business.

Tacks and I dang near wore out our lips writing letters, but we mailed out over a hundred, calling for a protest at the Canterlot Drafting House where laws were written and voted upon. We set the protest for six weeks from the date most ponies would receive the letter. That put us uncomfortably close to Hearth's Warming Eve, but everyone we talked to agreed it was better to try to stop the tax before the new year.

Apple Bloom was spending more time at the farmhouse again. I noticed that the house was starting to feel like a home once more, not just an old building to eat, sleep, and sigh in.

I gave my little sis a noogie as she left for school, scampering along with the old energy I would always associate with the adorable filly.

Tacks chuckled at the sight, before taking her breakfast dishes to the sink. "She's cheered up a load since your Grams came home. Seems like y'have a bit too, but ya have a ways to go. Is it just da farm problems gettin' ya down, AJ?"

Mac had already left for the orchard, and Granny was still in bed, tending to lie in later these days. Brass must have followed Mac, because I found myself alone in the kitchen with Tacks. I looked her over while she washed up the dishes, and realized I wanted to know what she thought about my depression. At least I didn't have to worry about her holding anything back!

"Well, no, though they may have triggered the worst of it. Ah uh, have depression, Tacks." I tilted my head. "D'you know what that is?"

Tacks shrugged and nodded. "S'pretty common in da big city. Think it's got somethin' to do with ponies livin' close-ah together, maybe spendin' less time outdoahs too. One've my neighbors prolly had it. Didn't come out of her place too often. Kinda sad." She shook her head. "Pfft, listen to me goin' on about city life. What's up with ya, AJ?"

"Well, it's kind've a long story, but Ah guess Ah can go through it while we tidy up and bake." We were trying Brass' suggestion as well, and we had been seeing a trickle of ponies stop by the farmhouse, buying more than ponies tended to from the cart at market.

I told Tacks all that had happened since I really started feeling the drag of depression. I told her about hiding my feelings, my worsening stomach problems, the ocean voyage, the problems with Apple Bloom, and Granny's heart attack. I told her how the problems with the farm had stacked up throughout all of this, leaving me feeling hopeless, helpless, and sick with guilt. My stomach began to tighten as I waded through the tale yet again. Every time I told it, the weight of my misery and the harm it had caused my loved ones seemed to grow.

Tacks listened without interrupting, only shooting me a questioning look now and then when I mentioned something she wasn't familiar with. When I'd finished, she let loose a long sigh. "Well, I guess I'd feel awfully guilty too if I helped steer my business into da dirt," she said, trimming the dough off the edges of a pie pan.

I blinked at her, letting my knife rest on the cutting board after slicing through an apple. "You agree then? That it's mah fault?"

Tacks shrugged, turning to look me full in the face. "Who else are ya gonna blame? You were at the helm, right? Da others coulda helped, maybe, if you'd told 'em the farm was slippin'. But ya didn't tell 'em. That brings it back around to you I'm afraid, hon."

A few weeks ago, hearing those words would have been crushing, but today they just felt liberating. Yes, I screwed up, I did, but now I was fixing it.

"You've come up with some good ideas lately, with a lil help from yoahs truly," Tacks buffed a hoof on her chest, "but ya had the same brain a few months earlier. Were ya just not usin' it?"

"Ah think Ah was too busy usin' it to hide mah problems to use it for practical stuff."

"Wow Applejack. Yer kinda messed up. S'okay, I still like ya." Tacks winked, then shut the oven on a pie. "I dunno if I woulda stopped to help out two strange ponies, if I was feelin' lower than a sewer rat's doormat. You managed it though."

I shook my head. "That's different. Anypony—"

"Applejack, you saw 'anypony' pass us by or outright refuse us a buncha times within sight of your cart. We racked up more of dose elsewhere. Trust me, ya stood out."

I shook my head, but stopped protesting. I thought back to my first session with Textbook Definition. He told me that nothing that had happened leading to my sad state of affairs was my fault. He had offered me a ticket out of the guilt, but I couldn't take it, because I knew it was a lie. I grimaced. How could I accept anything else he told me after that, when he started my treatment with a colossal lie?

Maybe Twilight had read some books about this stuff. I'd ask her about it next time I saw her and see what she thought. If I was right, and Textbook wasn't a good doctor, then there wasn't any reason to keep seeing him.

"Yo, y'alright?" Tacks hoofed me the kitchen timer to make sure she'd set it right.

I tweaked it a bit and handed it back. "Yeah, just thinkin'. Can you handle sales for an hour or two, after we get a few more pies done? Ah need to run a couple errands in town."

"Hey, no problem. It'll be good practice, servin' customahs on my own. And ponies will get to know me, so when I start sellin' 'em shoes I won't be a strange-ah!" Tacks pranced in place, little puffs of flour rising from her forehooves.

"True 'nuf, sugarcube. Pass me another bucket of apples, would you?"

I left behind the warmth of the kitchen and the scent of baking apples to face the cold of the winter day. Trotting off down the path towards town, I could see the gate out of the farm was blocked by a wagon.

For a second I thought Granny was climbing out of the coach wagon, but after another glance I realized it was a more distant member of the Apple family.

“Auntie Applesauce? Well howdy! This is a surprise.” I hurried over to help her climb down, then took a bag square to the face from the harried driver (and puller) of the wagon.

I dropped the bag and rubbed my smarting muzzle, staring at the driver.

He glared back at me, and jerked his head in a stiff nod at Auntie. “She's your problem now.” With that, he shrugged back into his harness and raced away.

“Applejack, take me to your Granny Smith! The poor dear, I just knew you'd all need a hoof taking care of her.” Auntie put one wobbly leg in front of the other, and for a second, taking in her green coat, white hair, and sagging flesh, I was reminded of the zombie stories that always set Spike on edge so badly. I resolved to try to keep the two away from one another.

“Uh, sure Auntie. We'd appreciate a lil help, but we had no idea you were comin'.”

“Oh, I wasn't about to wait for a letter to go and an answer to arrive! When you're as full of years as your Granny is, you don't take chances.” She turned her head to fix me with an odd look.

Just how did she learn what had happened, and how much did she know? I certainly hadn't written the rest of the family about anything that had gone on lately.

Even at Auntie Applesauce's doddering pace we eventually reached the farmhouse, and I opened the door for her. She preceded me into the house, bawling like she was calling in the cattle.

“Granny Smith! It's Applesauce!”

I hustled inside with her bag to see Auntie already climbing the stairs, while Tacks peered out of the kitchen.

“What's—?”

“Kin come to visit, and help take care of Granny. Auntie, Granny Smith's still asleep. Would you like a hot drink? Maybe put your hooves up after your long trip?” I had to grit my teeth not to phrase things less...delicately.

“I'll just go say hello while you get my tea ready, then. Two spoonfuls of honey.” Auntie continued upstairs without missing a beat.

I stormed into the kitchen and dug through cupboards for a mug and some tea, frowning.

“Not yer favorite relative, I take it?” Tacks put a kettle on for me.

I smacked the mug down on the counter. “She didn't let us know she was comin', even! Another mouth to feed? And so inconsiderate, wakin' up Granny like that. Still,” I sighed, “at least with her here in the house it frees the rest of us to work.”

“Yeah. I guess we can put up wid the old lady for a few days.”

“A month?”

“Is there some problem, Applejack?” Auntie's brows rose almost to her hairline while I gaped at her.

“A-Ah don't think Granny will need you here that long, Auntie Applesauce. She's gettin' stronger every day, y'see.”

Auntie took another sip of tea, sitting primly on the edge of the couch in the family room. I stood near the door, still set on going out, while Tacks sat on the bottom step of the stairwell, glancing back and forth between us.

“Your Granny needs the best of care, real compassion, and love to recover properly. She's been short on all three lately from what I've heard, and nothing I've seen today has swayed my opinion.”

I found my mouth hanging open. The only thing that could escape my lips was a shaky “W-what?”

“I heard what happened. Apple Bloom's letter to little Babs Seed has been passed around, and when your brother made some quiet inquiries about bartering and 'family prices' on certain goods, I could see what had happened.”

My heart pounded, and sweat stood out across my entire coat all at once.

Auntie Applesauce thrust her hoof at me. “You've been too busy showboating around Equestria with those friends of yours, playing hero, going to fancy parties and growing fat while the farm goes to seed! Mac can't shoulder all the work himself, no matter how big he is." She let her hoof drop, hard gaze boring into mine. "You'd better buckle down missy, do some real work and get this place in shape before you give your Granny another attack and do her in!”

I knew she was wrong about me; she was practically a stranger and had no idea what our situation was, so the injustice of her words was a slap in the face. But, the darkness lurking in my head was only too happy to latch onto her accusations and feed off of them. There were just enough fragments of truth there for it to roll into its working theory of how I'd ended up lower than scum. How often had I been absent from the farm, working with the girls? How many times had I left just to attend a party, or do something frivolous, leaving Mac and Granny to handle things back home? Would Ma and Pa have left work so often? If I'd bore down harder, would the farm be in better shape?

Tacks' eyes widened, and she jabbed a hoof at Auntie. “Hey, now lissen here. Applejack has made some mistakes, but she's workin' her tail off fixin' 'em, and yer not doin' anypony any favors comin' in here and mouthin' off like that. Where is the rest of the Apple family anyhow, if they know this is all goin' on? Nopony's gonna stick their neck out to help, other than to trot on out here to bleat and lay blame?”

“Oh ho! So the freeloader wants charity to fix things? Such a surprise!”

I stood there while they traded barbs, and realized my heart hurt. Not like heartburn, though I certainly felt some of that too, but Auntie was family. She knew better than most what was going on when a farm like ours failed, and she had decided to heap all the blame for this on me. I'd been grabbing the blame all along, but when family laid it on me, with bile and bitterness behind the words to match the disgust that colored my own thoughts, it ate into me like acid.

“B-both of you, stop. Ah have to go run an errand. You both have stuff to get done.” I rushed out the door and fled for town, the once-bastion of home now just another battleground.

A few minutes' trotting found me knocking on the library door again, and I felt a cold rush pour through me that had nothing to do with the weather. After a brief, faint scrabble inside, the door opened.

"Applejack! Come on in." Spike grinned, stepping aside. "You can just walk in when the open sign is up, you know. We're the town's public library after all."

I walked in and noted another pony browsing the stacks, but no sign of Twilight. "Oh, yeah, that's true. Guess since Ah think of it more like Twi's home these days, seems rude to just...barge in."

Spike nodded, and hopped back up onto his stool at the circulation desk by the door. "Yeah, I get that. So what's up? Here for a book, or our favorite librarian?"

"Ah was hopin' to see Twilight, yeah." I cracked a smile. "No spirits flyin' around today, Ah take it?"

"Nah, it's actually been a little dull for a few weeks. Twilight's up in her bedroom re-shelving some of her personal books. Go on up."

"Thankee kindly, Spike."

"Stay for lunch if you want! We're having oat cakes marsala!" he called up the stair to me, and I turned long enough to nod.

A knock on Twilight's door yielded some familiar results. After a brief scuffle, the door opened, and Twilight welcomed me inside.

"Applejack! Welcome. Come on in, I'm just tidying up a bit."

I sank into an armchair and watched Twilight carefully re-shelve thirty volumes or so, all suspended in her telekinetic grasp, their order shuffling a few times before sliding home into the gaps in the bookcases. When she finished, Twi took a chair beside mine, and leaned over its arm to peer at me.

"What's up? You will notice I am here, all ears, definitely aware you're here and in need of some advice." Twilight blushed, gaze falling from mine, ears wilting a bit.

"Yeah Twi, Ah can see that, and Ah'm grateful." I reached over to rest a hoof on hers for a moment. "So, you know Ah've been seein' this Doctor Textbook Definition at the hospital for counselin'?"

Twilight nodded. "I admit I didn't know much about psychology beyond what I learned in school, but when all this—" she waved a hoof around vaguely, ears splayed, "—began I started reading some relevant books. I've been curious what his approach has been, but of course that's between you and him. Doctor-patient confidentiality and all that."

When Twilight admitted she didn't 'know much' about a subject, what she probably meant was she couldn't lecture more than a couple of hours on the subject. "Well, Ah think he may—" be the lousiest psychologist in four counties? "—be the wrong psychologist for me."

"Really? What makes you say that?"

"Well, he lied to me. He tried to get me to lie to mahself, instead of facing reality and learnin' to cope with it. Is that...one of those strategies you were wonderin' about? 'Cuz Ah have to say Ah don't care for it."

Twilight frowned, first in thought, then in annoyance. "No. No, not that I know of. And if it was the first step in some sort of reverse psychology plan, he should have resolved it by now. You've been in treatment for weeks. Is that the only thing you've noticed?"

"Well, no. He gives me instructions, but Ah..." I blushed and tipped my hat down over my eyes. "Ah don't always pay the best attention. Not only in his sessions. Ah just seem short on the stuff lately. He hasn't noticed because he never follows up on those instructions, whatever they were."

The corners of Twilight's mouth sank further down. "Anything else?"

"He ends sessions early half the time. Ah don't mind since Ah don't think we're gettin' anything done, but Ah don't think that's somethin' a proper doctor should do. Ah don't think he pays very close attention to me either, and doesn't take good notes, if he takes any." I rolled my eyes. "He kept gettin' Mac and Apple Bloom's names mixed up, and their roles in the family mixed up too. Got to the point Ah didn't want to talk about them, because it'd mean reeducating him again about mah situation in some ways."

Twilight's wings snapped out, and she called a piece of parchment and a quill to her with her magic.

"I'm writing princess Celestia right now and having that, that quack removed!"

For three very satisfying seconds, I let the alicorn scrawI, but I couldn't let that happen. "Twilight, no! Y'can't abuse your position like that. If anyone should lodge a complaint it oughta be me, and with the hospital, not a princess." I rubbed the back of my head. "Ah wasn't even sure Ah was bein' mistreated. Ah dunno what's run of the mill for head shrinkers."

"Not that, that's for sure," Twilight practically spit, leaving her chair to pace. "No one who'd even half-listened to your story would have lied to you or tried to get you to lie. Even if they didn't pick up on the fact that honesty is core to your being, there's the nakedly obvious token of your Element and the fact of its failure was your psyche screaming for help in a real, physical, observable way any decent Doctor would give his best golf club for!"

Twilight's mane pulsed with growing light, and her coat began to glow from within. I slid from my seat and stopped her mid-pace. "Twi, calm down. You answered mah question. Ah need a new doctor."

She snorted. "That's for sure. Ugh." She reached out and took me around the neck in a hug, surprising me into taking a couple of steps back, but she just walked with me until I settled into it.

"I'm sorry Applejack. You've really blundered into a thundercloud of bad luck lately, haven't you?"

"Weather metaphors? You've been hangin' out too much with Rainbow Dash." I gently tugged free of the hug and gave her a little hoof to the shoulder.

Twi shrugged, giggling. "Well, she has been giving me flying lessons. I guess it was inevitable. If I start saying 'awesome' every other word, promise me you'll get me to a scientific lecture as soon as you can for reeducation."

"Will do, sugarcube." I gave her a once-over, studying her eyes and the state of her mane. "Have you been...sleepin' any better, Twi?"

"Huh? Oh, that. Yes. The dreams aren't coming as often anymore." She waved a hoof in the vague direction of her bed. "And Celestia still hasn't come down upon me like a hammer of princess-ly judgment, so..." A tiny quaver bridged two of her words.

It was my turn to fold her in a hug, and I gave her the best squeeze I had in me to push home the sentiment behind it. "Ah just bent your ear, and Ah'm more'n happy to have you bend mine right back, Twilight."

After a sniffle and a brush of her cheek along mine, she pulled away. "No, there's nothing new to say, really. When there is, you'll be the first to know."

I accepted Spike's invitation to stay for lunch, certainly in no rush to return home and face Auntie again. Leaving the library afterwards with some oatcakes in my belly, I realized for once I was still a bit peckish. Sugarcube Corner was on my way back to the farm, and it struck me that Pinkie could use a word of thanks for all the feeds she'd been providing for the Apples lately. I slipped inside the shop and was wrapped in warm, treat-sweetened air. I gained calories just from breathing, stepping forward towards the counter.

"Applejack! It's been too long. Here, on the house." Mrs. Cake retrieved a cupcake from beneath the counter, frosted to look like a shiny green apple.

"Oh, uh, thankee Mrs. Cake. Ah stopped in to thank you and Pinkie for all the great food that's been coming our way since we, uh, y'know." I waved a hoof, unconsciously mirroring Twilight's earlier wobble of vagueness. I took the cupcake and sank my teeth into it, finding soft pieces of baked apple within the fluffy cake.

"Oh, we're all glad to help. It was a good idea Pinkie came up with to help pay for the food too!"

I blinked, licking frosting off my lips. "How's that now?"

Mrs. Cake nodded down at the display case and reached inside to gesture at a half-dozen cupcakes like the one I'd just bitten into. "We make one batch of these each day, and the proceeds for their sales go into a 'save Sweet Apple Acres' fund." She bustled out from behind the counter, and slid a foreleg around my shoulders. "The ponies of Ponyville value your farm AJ, just as we value you. Your family's a fixture here! Your apples are one of the reasons some of our treats here at the Corner are so delicious."

She gave me a good squeeze, and I had to stop my mouth from watering; she smelled twice as good as the shop itself did. I popped the rest of the cupcake into my mouth so I could return the hug, chewing and swallowing fast.

"T-thank you, Mrs. Cake. Ah didn't know all that was goin' on."

"Pinkie probably didn't tell you about the little bag then, mm?" She released me to circle back around the counter, and dragged a small sack from a cupboard near the floor. She set it on the counter, and from the way it jingled, it was obviously full of bits. "This is the fund at the moment. Why don't you take it today, and as more comes in we'll send along some more food."

I was speechless, staring at the sack of bits. "A-Ah don't know, Cup."

"Take it Applejack!"

"Take it, and make sure we get some cider next year."

I turned to see the two ponies nearest the counter, sharing a table and a couple of the apple cupcakes, grinning at me.

"Hon, you aren't duping anyone by taking this money. They gave it knowing exactly what they were doing and who it's going to." She pushed the sack closer with a hoof.

I finally took the bits, and stowed them in my saddlebags. "T-thank you. Thank you," I turned to tell the customers as well, sweeping my hat from my head. "Ah...Ah really can't tell you how important it is, how good it feels, to know ponies feel this way about our farm."

I realized a part of me had resented the town ever since Rarity had gone on and on that day on the walk to town hall about her business being such an asset to Ponyville. It's true the Carousel Boutique had brought bits and publicity to town, but far fewer good memories had been made there than at our farm, with the Sisterhooves Social, hayrides, horseshoe-throwing contests, and more.

The earlier business with the cider reservations and learning Sugarcube Corner was, well, in our corner too? Knowing the townsfolk were behind me, not a mass of faceless ponies who didn't care where their apples came from as long as there were some for sale, I felt buoyed.

"So, is Pinkie out at the moment, Cup?"

"Oh, no, she's upstairs. I'm not sure what she's been up to. She's been spending more time locked in up there lately."

"Huh. Well, Ah'll go on up and see if she can talk a minute. Thank you again!" I waved to her and the customers before starting up the stairs to the residential portion of the shop.

Pinkie's bedroom door was shut, so I tapped on it with one hoof. "Pinkie? Ya in there?"

"Umm, yeah! Hang on a second!"

Before I heard anything that sounded like a pony approaching the door though, it swung in a few inches. The door must not have been quite latched, and Gummy had pulled it open with his claws. I smiled down at the little alligator, then looked up through the cracked door to see Pinkie sitting at her desk, curling her mane in front of a mirror.

She caught my eye in the mirror and froze, before her shoulders sagged, the mare deflating in her seat. "So. Now you know."

I nudged the door open fully and slipped inside. Gummy scooted back to let me in. He looked as inscrutable as ever, but he turned to watch me, eyes tracking my every move. I'd never seen him pay so much attention to anypony or anything before. A nudge from my hindleg shut the door behind me. "Know what, Pinkie?"

She didn't look up from her lap. Her voice was soft and flat, not at all like the boisterous pink pony I knew, stirring unease in my stomach. "I should have known I couldn't keep this up until..."

The impact of what I'd seen finally hit me. Pinkie was curling her hair. If she needed to curl it herself, then it was...
I walked up behind Pinkie, and rested my chin on her shoulder.

"How long?" I asked.

"Since you told us. Underwater." She laughed once, an abrupt burst of sound with no joy in it. "It was impossible to tell, while my mane was tentacles. When we were on the boat, we all had that salt-water mane problem, so no one noticed if it looked odd then either. Once we got back to Ponyville," she gestured to the styling accessories, "I started with this."

"But why—" The question trailed off as she turned to lock eyes with me. I knew why.

Guilt. When you're the expert at cheering ponies up, and one of your closest friends is hospitalized because her case of sadness is so severe, you obviously didn't do your job. Small wonder her mane had collapsed.

"But hidin' it? That's just what Ah did! You saw that it made me sick. It made everything worse!"

Her eyes shimmered as tears pooled. "I couldn't let you know! You didn't need that! You don't need this," she groaned, twisting away from me and galloping to her bed, hurling herself onto the sheets. She pounded her hooves into a pillow so hard, a few feathers puffed out of a seam.

"You were never supposed to know! You were supposed to get better, and then I could start to get better! Now you know, and my stupid selfish pity-party is going to drag you down!"

I followed Pinkie to her bed, catching one of her pillow-beating hooves and holding it. "Yer the one who first talked to me about depression. Y'know very well it's more than a pity-party." I let out a long sigh. "Can't argue with it dragging me down. Ah've managed to suck one of mah best friends down with me into misery Ah wouldn't wish on mah worst enemy." Truth be told, counting Twilight, Pinkie was the second to be caught in my despondent whirlpool.

Pinkie whimpered, burying her face in her pillow, apparently willing herself to merge with it.

"You've done everything you can to help me, in spite of your mood, Pinkie. That's..." I shook my head. "Ah have no idea how you managed that. Ah want to help you now. So do the rest of our friends. Why would we do less for you than y'all did for me?"

"Because it's so stupid, I'm so stupid! I'm just sad because you're sad and what-if-everything-I'm-doing-to-help-is-just-so-I-can-be-happy-again, I'm a bad friend and—" She turned her face back into the pillow, muffling the rest, which sounded like sobs anyways.

I stroked her shaking back, waiting for enough silence to speak. "Yer not stupid, that's the depression talkin'. Pinkie, when you talk things over with me or spend hours cookin' and wade through snow to bring it to me and mah family, are you thinkin' of yerself in those moments? Or are you thinkin' of the smile yer hopin' to see on mah face?"

She lifted her tear-smeared face from the pillow, watery eyes capturing mine. "I miss your smile so much, AJ. I miss your laugh even more, that giggle with the hitch in it. It's one of my favorites." Her voice broke, and she struggled to force down her tears enough for a few more words. "Every day I can't bring them back, it—"

"Shh, sugar, y'can't take responsibility for mah happiness like that. You'll burn yerself out! And yer not a bad friend neither, Ah'm just a better actor...and a bigger fool than any of you counted on."

She squeezed her eyes shut, more tears rolling down her cheeks, and scowling, shook her head once in a side to side snap. "No! I know when my friends need me! I-I..."

I could feel my mood nosediving. I'd been charged, down in the shop, given hope and encouragement. Now I felt drained, using what little energy and positivity I had left to try and buoy up Pinkie. Suddenly the foot of distance between us seemed too large a gap for my comfort to cross.

I climbed up on the bed beside her, and gently rolled the surprisingly heavy mare to one side to make room for me. I held her like I'd held Apple Bloom weeks ago, cupping the curve of her back with my belly. Like Mrs. Cake, it seemed like every inch of her was saturated with the scents of good things baking.

"Shh-shh-shh. Things ain't alright for either of us, Ah know. But they will be. Ah have a feeling we won't feel magically better once our practical problems are solved, but it's like stitching the wound shut, right?" I brushed half-curled, tear-soaked strands of mane out of Pinkie's eyes. "At least then it has a shot at knittin' together."

Pinkie sniffled and draped a foreleg over her face, the other clutching at my hoof, clinging to me. "Things will get better," she agreed, her voice watery. "We have to get better." She hiccuped, then let a humorless "Hah," escape, almost as involuntary as the hiccup. "We'd better hope no one nasty decides now's a good time to start acting up, because there's no way my Element would work for me right now."

I nuzzled at her cheek. "Don't worry about that. We did okay without the Elements last time. Maybe we're getting too quick to whip 'em out lately."

Pinkie snorted, but at what I couldn't say. She went quiet, and a few seconds later I realized she was snoring softly. I understood. Sobbing was exhausting, and winter tended to sap the energy of many ponies anyways, though I had to admit Pinkie was the last mare I'd ever expected to see spent. I realized she had kept up her deception a good while in front of the entire town, not just friends, family, and customers like I had. That was wearing on the body and the spirit.

So. I'd given Twilight nightmares and maybe some kind of complex. I'd driven Pinkie back into depression because of my own, and my stubborn refusal to reach out to my friends for help. I'd been so selfish, just assuming she'd try to fix me with parties, never imagining what it would do to her to know one of her best friends chose to make herself sick rather than open up to her, the mare of merry-making?

How much had I hurt the others? How deeply had I cut my bond with Rainbow Dash, insulting her loyalty? Rejecting Fluttershy's kind heart and understanding? Never even giving Rarity the opportunity to exercise her generosity? Never mind Mac, AB and Granny.

I couldn't stay here. I didn't deserve to. The only way I could redeem myself was to make things right, and sprawling here listening to Pinkie snore, smelling the sugar, spice, and buttery baking scents in her mane wasn't part of that.

As gently as I could, I started to slide out of her bed, but she squirmed in protest, snores interrupted. I froze, and Pinkie picked up snoring where she left off after a few slow breaths. I resigned myself to leaving Tacks alone longer than I'd planned, and gave my head a toss to flip the Stetson onto a bedpost. When you get a chance for a nap, don't turn it down.

When I left the bakery at last, the sun was heading for the horizon. The weather team was pushing clouds into position for another batch of snow it looked like, so I set off for the edge of town at a fast clip. It seemed like everypony had the same idea, clearing the streets in a hurry, trotting off towards warm homes.

I let out a sigh, tension flowing out with it as I crossed the bridge out of town. Even though I wasn't trying to keep up the old mask, I still held myself differently around the townsfolk, and getting away from what felt like dozens of staring eyes was always a relief.

“Hey, Applejack! Hang on a sec.”

I slowed my trot through the farm's gates, lifting a hoof to keep my hat in place while I tipped my head skywards. “Well howdy Rainbow.” My tail and shoulders sagged. “Lemme guess. 'Nother emergency?”

The pegasus fluttered a few feet above me, letting a raspy chuckle trickle from her lips. “Not this time. I just came by to toss some horseshoes with you. It's been like, three forevers.”

“Um, sorry sugarcube. Ah'm not really in the mood just now. Like as not the crusaders left 'em out and they're buried somewhere under the snow anyhow.” I shook my head, while an ache began to grow between my ears.

“Well what about a race then? Just to the stream and back? C'mon, we'll be done in ten minutes flat!” Dash dropped to the snow, ice crunching beneath her. She stepped closer, frustration in her eyes but a wheedling note in her voice. “Please? Applejack, c'mon. We used to do stuff all the time. I know you're busy, but you can't work every waking hour!”

I set my jaw. “Ah've had a long day Dash. A lot happened, and Ah'm too tired to even tell you about it, much less run around in the snow like a filly.” I hated myself for saying that, for making play I used to love last year sound like something we were both supposed to have outgrown. If I could have stepped outside myself and punched Applejack in the face, I would have.

“Find somepony else to pit yourself against, for now. We'll...we'll race another time.” I turned back towards the house, only to find Rainbow Dash flitting over to plant herself in front of me.

“When? I want a date, and a time.” She smirked, head down, ears pricked forward, one hoof scraping through the snow.

“When Ah'm good and ready!” I snapped, before bulling right past her towards the house, forcing her to flap to keep from falling over.

“Hey! What the—AJ! Applejack! Stop!” Rainbow had to bellow before I finally halted.

“Sorry. Ah just can't deal with anythin' else tonight, okay? I don't wanna run, I don't wanna pitch, don't wanna rope, or spit, or jump, or anything. None of it...none of it does anything for me anymore.”

“Have you even tried lately?” Rainbow stomped, more ice crackling beneath her hoof.

No, Rainbow. I haven't. Every time I even think about doing anything like that, I feel like I'm a washbasin someone's pulled the plug on. Every drop of energy just runs right out, leaving me echoing and hollow. I wish you could see that. I wish you'd keep pushing, day after day, until I did try. Maybe if I started doing any of that stuff again, I'd keep doing it.

Instead of saying any of that, any of the things that would actually help Rainbow help me and avoid driving her away, I said “Goodnight, Dash.” I pulled open the door and slipped into the house.

The voice reassured me I'd done the right thing. Better to stay away from my friends and spare them the harm I seemed to spread like a disease.

After chores with Tacks the next day, and skirting Auntie as best I could, I started for town again. Yesterday's talk with Pinkie didn't exactly resolve much, and I hadn't slept more than an hour or two fretting about her. Voice be damned, I couldn't let things rest as they were.

Stepping from the chill of the winter day, a few snowflakes still falling from last night's snowstorm, into the sweet-scented heat of Sugarcube Corner was like the most delightful slap in the face possible. Mr. Cake was running the counter, and cracked a broad grin when he spotted me.

"Applejack! C'mon in from that nasty weather, and I'll fix you some cocoa."

"Oh, thanks Carrot. Ah won't fight you on that, no sirree. Is Pinkie around?" I walked up the counter, working to keep my eyes from drifting down towards the treats behind the glass.

Mr. Cake shook his head, before turning away to fix my drink. "No, she's doing a party today for a foal in town as soon as school lets out. That's not for a few hours of course, but you know how much effort she puts into her parties." We shared a chuckle as he turned about, hoofing over a mug half the size of my head.

"She did leave you a note though, oddly enough. I guess she figured you might drop by."

I was stretching out my hoof to drop bits on the counter, but Carrot caught them on the envelope he pulled from beneath the counter, and passed it all over. "On the house, AJ." He must have seen my expression harden, because he leaned over the counter, smile fading into an earnest expression. "Consider it thanks for whatever you did for Pinkie yesterday. She's been just a tiny bit off lately, but today she seemed...she felt..." He shook his head. "I can't put my hoof on it, I'm no good with words. I just think you helped. Now, if you don't mind?"

When he nodded over my shoulder I realized other customers had arrived and I'd been out-maneuvered. I stowed my bits again with a sigh, and took both cocoa and note to an empty table. Wrapping my hooves around the thick-walled mug, I blew on its contents, watching my breath send a dollop of whipped cream scudding around the surface of the rich chocolate drink. I nursed it for a minute or two, then turned my attention to Pinkie's message. Tearing open the envelope, I found a note written in red crayon on orange construction paper.

Applejack,

Sorry about yesterday. We'll get through this together! But, I'd like to keep my problem between us for now. I know I can trust you. Thanks for staying with me. I really needed a hug that lasted long enough to soak in. I'll come see you soon!

P.S. You talk in your sleep. What are applesheep, and how do you exercise them?

I shook my head, folded the note and tucked it into my bags. "Well, I think she'll be able to hold on then. We'll get there." For the moment I just needed to get to the bottom of an immense mug of cocoa.

I left the bakery with a wave for Carrot, a bellyful of cocoa helping soften the blow of the cold outside the cozy bakery.

"Applejaaaack!"

I slowed and twisted my head around to see Rarity emerging from her boutique. "Oh, evenin' Rares."

"Come get some lunch with me, AJ. I've been cooped up all day working, and could use some company. My treat, of course." Rarity finished arranging her scarf to her liking, and posed in her boots in a way I'd learned meant they must be new. I never would've noticed, otherwise.

"Oh, well, uh..." I did want to talk to her about the new packaging for the zap apple jam. "Sure, Rarity. Nice boots."

"Eeeee, thank you! Your friends Brass and Tacks made them for me! They're quite talented, if unfortunately forthright."

"They are that," I said, rolling my eyes.

Rarity led me down the street at a trot, heading for her favorite cafe. They had a lot of fancy food, and the portions were a little small for my tastes, but that had been before my stomach troubles. Now I figured they ought to be perfect.

We were seated almost instantly, and Rarity had was served a glass of wine before she could even open the menu. The waiter eyed me, ears pricked.

"Oh, just water for me please."

"Nonsense! Have something to warm up, Applejack. Cocoa, or mulled wine?"

Mold wine? Who would make wine out of mold? "Er, I don't think I could take any more cocoa just now. Water'd be great. So Rarity, think yer up to a little more design work for me?"

The unicorn tipped her menu down, resting it on her chin. "Mmm? What did you have in mind, dear?"

"Tacks was bendin' my ear about sellin' our zap apple jam in Canterlot, but in smaller jars, with fancy-pants labels so they'd see it as their kinda thing, y'know?"

Rarity's eyes grew bigger and bigger as I spoke, her mouth hanging open. "You are asking me to design the packaging for a line of luxury consumer goods for sale in Canterlot?!"

I slowly slid my hoof over to my menu, scooped it up, and unfolded it as a paltry shield against whatever was coming. "Yeeees?"

Rarity squealed, hooves squeezed together beneath her chin. I could have sworn she almost floated out of her seat. The second her squeal trailed off into delighted laughter, she swept up her wine glass. "Of course I'll do it! Oh, this will be fun. Do you have a retailer in mind yet?"

I shook my head. "No, Ah don't have any connections there. Maybe Twilight knows someone?"

Rarity nodded a half-dozen times. "It's possible, very possible, but I could certainly put a word in with Fancy Pants, send him a sample. It's all about the right word in the right ear, or in this case, the right jam in the right mouth I suppose." She giggled, leaning back in her chair. "Oh, I'm absolutely giddy. I want to get to work on this right away! This could open up a new avenue of work for me if it goes well."

I sighed, and nodded a thank you to the waiter when he dropped off my water. I tipped the glass towards me a fraction, then rocked it the other way, toying with it.

"Applejack, is something the matter?"

I glanced up to find Rarity frowning at me, hooves folded on the table.

"It's...nothin'."

"Don't try that with me, miss strong and silent. Remember what trouble lying's gotten you into lately."

More resentment bubbled up inside me. If she wanted it, she could have it. "Rarity, Ah'm jealous of you. You run a very successful business, and all by yerself, even. You've gotten fame, you've gotta be half-way to fortune by now, and from where Ah sit it just seems like the sun's always shinin' on yer side of town."

Rarity blinked at me, long lashes fluttering. "Oh, no, I've had plenty of setbacks and—"

"But you turned them all into gains, in the end! What didn't kill you made you stronger. What didn't kill me...crippled me." I pointed outside, towards the town square. "That cart you redecorated for us? Ponies have asked who did the work, and then go to see you when I tell 'em." I shook my head. "Ah'm sorry. Ah don't want to sound ungrateful, Ah'm just so buckin' frustrated and tired." I looked up again, jaw set. "Ah was... Ah was mighty resentful when you were at town hall, gettin' that grant."

She frowned a bit, then winced like I'd rapped her a good one on the horn. "Oh Celestia, I-I just realized the timing of that. I really should be more discreet." She flicked an ear. "A-Applejack, did you ever try applying for one of those grants? They're for the 'restoration and beautification' of Ponyville, paid for by the Crowns, but that definition must be a bit loose for them to have even considered the addition to my boutique."

"Y'mean you didn't get it?" My tone fell with each word, along with my ears.

"No, in the end they rejected my application, but encouraged me to apply again this coming year. Your farm is even more familiar and beloved than my little shop though, Applejack! I think your chances are good."

"But what improvement would the money pay for? We kinda just need the money." I thought of the structures on the property, and couldn't think of anything that would save the farm by being improved.

"What about something new that would help with cider season? A machine like those awful Flim Flam brothers possessed?" She wrinkled her nose. "I believe they misused it, but it performed very well until then."

I snorted and shook my head, but thinking of machinery did suggest something. "If we dammed up the creek a bit, we could probably install a small water wheel, and we could use that to drive an apple press. It would look pretty as can be. Very, uh,"

"Picturesque?" Rarity suggested.

"Mmmmhm. That's a massive undertakin' though. Earthworks, construction, machinery, it'd take—"

"Government funds," Rarity smiled around the rim of her glass, before taking another sip of wine.

With the stream doing the work Mac usually does, we could easily increase our cider throughput. That would become much more vital in years to come, when the new trees we'd be planting in the spring would start to bear fruit.

"Ah'm sorry Rarity. Jealousy is ugly. Ah should've just come to you and asked for advice." I rubbed the bridge of my muzzle. "Pride gettin' in mah way again."

"I'm sure I didn't help things. I know I can be a little, how to put it..."

"Insufferable?"

Rarity glared at me. "Why thank you, 'Brass.' I was going to say 'trying.'"

I ducked my head, smiling a little.

Rarity raised her glass, and I lifted mine. "To Celestia's deep purse!"

"To businessmares stickin' together."

"Ooh, even better."

Back at the farm I stopped in at the barn to put a few tools away and feed my dog. “Winona? Here girl. Winona!” I gave her food bag a shake or two, but though I strained my ears, I couldn't hear the telltale jingling of her collar. I trotted out of the barn and into the orchard, heading for her favorite clearing.

I found tracks in the snow, but they were hours old. The chill out there started to affect more than my skin. Breaking into a gallop, I made for Carrot Top's property, jumping the token fence that marked the border between our farms. Carrot was nowhere in sight, and I had to cross an entire field to reach her house. I rapped on the door, and hoped she wasn't in town.

The door swung open and Carrot Top stepped outside, an apron tied around herself. “Hey Freckles, what's up?”

“Carrot, have you seen Winona? Ah'm gettin' a bit worried. She never misses dinner, and she ain't in any of her usual play spots either.”

Carrot Top frowned. “I heard barking about an hour ago, but I wasn't paying much attention. Now that I think about it though, it did sound closer than usual.” She pointed towards the rear of her property. “Off there, maybe? Let's go look. My stew can stew by itself for a bit.”

We cantered across the fields, frozen earth unyielding beneath a thin blanket of snow. I swung my head back and forth, eyes sharp for a familiar splash of brown and white. I wasn't prepared for the red I spotted instead.

Carrot Top gasped at the crimson staining the snow, skidding with me to a stop beside a ditch. Winona lay there, shivering, her leg broken so badly my stomach threatened to empty itself at the sight.

“C-Carrot, fetch Fluttershy for me?” I hunkered down right in the snow beside my pet, pressing my side against her back, sharing heat with her while trying not to move her.

Carrot Top galloped off with a spray of snow, tail pumping, and I thanked Celestia 'Shy's cottage wasn't far off. “Hang on girl. You're gonna be fine.” I glanced around, trying to figure out what exactly had happened, but only found one clue. There were some rabbit tracks in the snow, almost obliterated by Carrot's departure.

“You were that hungry, you chased a rabbit all the way out here? Don't we feed you eno—” My voice died, throat closing up to choke off the words. Had I been feeding her regularly? I couldn't remember. How many times had I forgotten? I stared down at my dog. Did she look thinner?

“Oh sisters, no. No.” I could protest all I liked, but nothing could stop the tears from boiling up out of me, or the tide of revulsion and self-hatred that rose up inside. Winona whined, and the tortured keen of it tore into me.

“M'so sorry girl, so sorry. You deserve so much better'n me,” I whispered, brushing my hoof along her cheek. She stopped whining, but I didn't know whether to take that as a good sign or a bad one.

A few minutes later Fluttershy fell to earth like a feathered meteor, sliding eight yards through the snow before she bled off her speed. Dashing over, she slung her saddlebags off onto the ground. “I'm here! I'm here. Poor Winona! AJ, could you please move for a little while? You did just the right thing keeping her warm, though.” Fluttershy barely glanced at me as she examined Winona, studying the break, how she was holding her leg, even studying the blood that had spilled.

I gingerly scooted back from my pet and levered myself up, sniffing, dashing water from my eyes with a foreleg. “Will s-she be okay, 'Shy?”

“If I have anything to say about it.” She stepped in, pinched a portion of Winona's back coat and skin in her teeth, and injected her with a dose of what I guessed must be painkillers. She stroked Winona's head, gazing into her eyes, murmuring a constant stream of comforting words while the drugs kicked in. I watched my pet's eyelids grow heavy.

“Okay. Applejack, please hold her leg steady while I wrap it.”

I dreaded even touching her, terrified of causing her further pain, but I gritted my teeth and elevated the blood-smeared hindleg for Fluttershy. She wound it loosely with a roll of satiny material, then pulled a golden thread from the end of it. A faint shimmer engulfed the limb, and 'Shy nodded, letting me release Winona.

“That will keep it immobilized until we can get to the vet. This is far too ugly a break to set myself. I'll get her there though! Just put her on my back and strap her on, okay?” Fluttershy pointed out her saddlebags, then finally saw the mess of my face with half-frozen tears on my cheeks. “Oh, AJ, I promise she'll be okay! I'll be ever-so careful flying, and Creature Comforts is a wonderful veterinarian. I'll host Winona for the aftercare so she'll have everything she needs.”

I just nodded, and saw to getting Winona safely settled atop Fluttershy. Her little body was so limp, and felt so much lighter than the last time I'd held her. As soon as the straps I'd pulled from 'Shy's bags were secured, the pegasus took wing, flapping for elevation and heading for town.

Carrot Top returned to find me with my nose buried in bloody snow, slamming my hoof into the frozen ground again, and again, and again.

Supper was eaten and cleared by the time I returned home from the vet. Winona was resting, sedated, her bones back beneath the fur and skin where they belonged. Fluttershy had given me every assurance in the world she would recover, but I couldn't talk around the lump in my throat to tell her the worst of it. I couldn't tell her it was my fault.

Inside the house, Apple Bloom was deep in her homework at the kitchen table. From the tool belt missing from the hall-closet, I could tell Mac was probably in the barn putting in an hour on a wood-working project, and Brass and Tacks were making plans in uncharacteristically low tones in the kitchen. It was plain to see why they weren't more comfortably settled in the family room; Auntie Applesauce was there, sitting in Granny's rocker, reading a newspaper.

She folded it and set it aside a moment after I'd finished pulling off my boots, hat and scarf. “Your Granny asked after you today. Yesterday too! I was forced to tell her you were off running around town instead of doing your duty here on the farm.”

My teeth ground together. I wondered if she could hear it. This was the last thing I needed tonight. I considered just ignoring the nag and heading upstairs, but I felt like I would just be confirming her image of me. “Ah needed to talk to my friend Twilight about mah doctor, thank my friend Pinkie for bein' so kind to help feed us these past few weeks, yesterday. T'day Ah talked business with mah friend Rarity who's gonna help us turn more profit on our zap apple jam, Auntie.”

“Like I said, running around town, wasting time with your friends. Talking isn't doing, Applejack! You can make all the plans your lazy little heart desires, but what will earn you bits now? Today? This week? That's what you should be thinking about!” She waved a foreleg at me, a 'wing' of flabby flesh wobbling back and forth near the foreshoulder. “And what's this about a doctor? There's nothing wrong with you.”

“Ah'm depressed,” I said, tone flatter than the dough we rolled out for pie crusts, “and the treatment Ah've been gettin' hasn't helped.”

“Ponyfeathers, 'depressed!' You just need more fresh air and exercise. Get back to proper work and your moping will clear up straight away.” Auntie fixed me with a stern stare. “You may've been able to pull the wool over your family's eyes with some foofaraw about this 'depression' but I know you just want to lie about and let them do all the work.”

I guessed I should count myself lucky that the vileness of her words wasn't matched by her volume; our conversation was fairly quiet, and Apple Bloom carried on with her homework undisturbed.

I was having trouble hearing Auntie over the volume of rage building up in my head. I felt like immense pressure was filling my sinuses, my ears, pounding through the veins in my neck and slowly trickling into the spaces behind my eyes. Two words managed to cut through the roar of blood in my ears.

“Your parents—“

“What about mah parents?”

Her ears flattened. “Watch your tone, missy! Your parents would never have let this farm sink so low. Your Granny would've had better care! Your little sister in there would have a tutor so she wouldn't be lagging so far behind her classmates!”

“Apple Bloom does just fine in school!”

“Marks aren't the only thing that matters,” she sniffed, “not the numbered sort at any rate.”

The sound that left my lips wasn't voluntary. It was torn from me. Half gasp, half strangled-scream, the ugly knot of noise finally drew some attention to our conversation. I heard Apple Bloom's chair scrape across the floor, and the kitchen conversation ceased.

I turned for the stairs, stiff and jerky as a marionette. “Good night Auntie Applesauce.”

“You better think on what I've said! I've seen it all before, all the tricks you goldbrickers and shirkers play, and—“

My bedroom door cut off the last of her words. Trembling with rage, I moved carefully to the center of my room and rode out the seemingly endless waves of anger that poured through me. It shocked me how limitless they seemed. I knew I could have a short temper, but I'd always been able to rein it in and re-channel my energy before with enough effort.

I had to start moving, pacing, and her words came back to me. Throwing my parents in my face, and then Granny's health and Apple Bloom's...! Every recollection of the short exchange reignited my fury, and every time I set a hoof down, I wished it was destroying something to help vent the awful heat and pressure inside me.

It took all I had to just ground out the red-hot anger, exhaustion pouring in as the rage trickled out. When I collapsed into bed at last, the distant light of hope I'd been struggling towards seemed further away than ever. The voice in my head threw Auntie's poisonous words back at me over and over until sleep finally came.

Town hall wasn't the last place I wanted to see again, but it was near the bottom of the list. I blew out a long breath before entering, wondering who I'd even talk to about the grant. After a moment I realized there was again only one functionary free, and I had a feeling ponies would simply wait in line for other clerks to become available before trying their luck with Red Tape.

I stood there in the lobby, torn between my dread of the clerk and my need to get back to the farm.

"Why hello Applejack! Always good to see you."

I pivoted towards the voice, but its source had already passed behind me on its way out the door.

"Mayor! Could Ah trouble you for a second?"

The blur of gray mane and tan fur didn't pause for a second. "Sorry, I'm just on my way out to grab a bite to eat. Might be the only meal I get today, things are so busy! Red Tape can help you, I see he's free. Stop by any time!"

I dropped the hoof I'd held outstretched towards her, and trudged over to the one open desk. I didn't wait for him to stop his stapling and deign to notice me this time.

"Red Tape, Ah would like to apply for a grant under the restoration and beautification of Ponyville program."

"What has been damaged?"

I shuffled in place. "Nothin' lately."

"What do you propose that will beautify Ponyville, then?"

"A waterwheel."

Red Tape finally stopped stapling, and bothered to look up at me. "A waterwheel. A wooden contraption stuck in a muddy stream. Would it even be visible from the road?"

"No, but everypony's welcome on our farm, that's always—"

"Miss, I will not have you trying to exploit the Crowns' generosity in this manner. Please don't embarrass yourself further." Red Tape pitched and modulated his voice to achieve a subtle stage-whisper, appearing to attempt to preserve my dignity while allowing his words to reach the next desk, drawing the attention of clerk and client there.

"Red Tape, give me the application! There's no chance yer the one who makes the final decision when it comes to matters like this."

"You're right. I am a gate keeper." He drew himself up in his seat, and I have no idea how, given that his posture was always ramrod-straight to begin with. "Part of my job is to prevent time-wasters like you from reaching the upper echelons, where ponies with authority cannot afford to spare a minute on ill-conceived and underhooved plots like this." He sniffed. "That you even had the gall to accost the poor mayor on her way out to lunch..."

The pressure I'd felt last night under the lashing tongue of Auntie Applesauce began to accumulate again. "Now listen here, buster! The mayor is a friend of mine, and if Ah'd gotten to talk to her direct instead of you, Ah'd already be back at work and we'd all be a sight happier!" This time the pressure felt like an ugly thunderhead building behind my eyes.

"Now you accuse the mayor of playing favorites? Croneyism? I'm afraid I have to take these matters seriously. I'll have to initiate an investigation." The clerk tugged open a drawer in his desk and pulled out a form by feel alone, eyes never leaving mine. He laid the thick packet down on the desk. It was crimson red.

If looks could kill, Red Tape would've been a pile of ash on his seat. "The mayor is just, fair, and hard-workin'. You start any investigation, and you'll be the one wastin' time and bits!" I found myself widening my stance, head lowered, my breath blowing out my nose in gusting snorts. Black and red ribbons seemed to dance around the edges of my vision.

Red Tape paused in filling out the form and peered up at me. "It is a lot of paperwork. I propose a deal. Withdraw your ridiculous application, and I will not pursue the investigation. I don't want to see you set hoof in here again until tax-time."

My jaw fell open. Could he possibly have the gall to...? He did, sitting there, staring at me with insectile patience and apparent apathy.

"Really, do make up your mind miss, and stop blowing like an ox. Do you really think a sorry bit-beggar like you can intimidate a court official?"

All thoughts of the mayor's reputation, my own reputation, any consequences at all outside the next few seconds simply fled my mind. The towering thunderhead in my skull lit, and lightning flew. I found myself pivoting, moving into a position almost as natural to me as walking. I drew back my hindlegs, muscles coiled like massive springs, and bucked with every ounce of strength I had.

I heard and felt my hooves connect with his desk, striking with thrice the force I use to buck apples. I heard a second impact accompanied with a sound like wet wood cracking, then a third. My heart was beating triple-time as I turned my head to peer back over my shoulder.

Red Tape and his desk had flown into the wall three feet back, and four feet off the floor, before both had come crashing down. The desk lay in two large chunks mainly; a rainbow of forms spilled across the floor from its shattered guts and splintered drawers. Finally, finally the stallion wore an expression other than bland condescension. He wore no expression at all in fact, knocked unconscious. A dark, swelling knot formed on the side of his head.

The sight quelled the foundry of hate and rage inside me, cooling it to freezing, my organs turning to lumps of chilled lead inside me. I remembered the wooden cracking sound, my eyes flicking from Red Tape's skull to the sturdy wall behind him.

"You...killed him. He went head-first into that wall," the neighboring clerk babbled, jabbing his hoof in my direction again and again.

I had to get a doctor. I had to get help. I had to do something but I could only stare at the unmoving stallion while the clerk babbled on, his voice growing more shrill by the second. Chills swept over my body in a wave, leaving sweat and gooseflesh behind. The whole tableau was so surreal. I must have stumbled into a nightmare, somehow. Would Luna appear and tell me to wake up?

The clerk finally grew decisive. “P-police!”

That was the cue for everypony else to panic and run for the exits. I'd seen this sort of blind rush before, as brainless and dangerous as a stampede, but I'd never been the cause of one until now.

I stumbled towards Red Tape, eyes wide. Was he still breathing? Why hadn't anyone else even tried to check on him? As I approached the ruined desk I found three clerks descending on me, bulling me back.

“Ah know some first-aid, Ah'm trying to help! Let me go!”

“Right, like you'd want to help the pony you just bucked into a wall!” A wiry young stallion with sparse muttonchops tried to shove me back. “You're trying to finish him off!”

“A-Ah didn't mean to hurt him like that! It... Let me through! He ain't dyin' while Ah'm standin'!” I wheeled again and twitched a hindleg, sending the clerks scattering. I hurried to Red Tape and felt for a pulse. It was there, though it felt faint to me. His breathing seemed shallow.

I was looking around for something to put under his head when I felt a shadow fall across me, and figured the clerks had regrouped. “Get a doctor! Fast! Somepony else fetch some ice! Ah have to keep an eye on him, make sure he doesn't fade any further.”

“We can take over from here.”

I craned my neck, and almost swallowed my tongue. Two ponies wearing police helmets stood over the injured stallion and me.

“Applejack Apple, you're under arrest.”

One police-pony stayed behind with Red Tape while the other hobbled me with manacles and led me from town hall. Up and down the street as I shuffled along, I saw ponies freeze in shock or gasp, and I dropped my head after just seconds. I couldn't bear to look any of the townsfolk in the eyes. Just days ago they were rallying behind me, helping the farm, helping me, good 'ol Applejack. The thought of what must be going through their minds just then turned my stomach into a rock.

“Applejack? Applejack! What...?”

I dragged my head up, only to see one of the worst possible ponies I could have run into.

Sweetie Belle galloped over to me, stubby legs a blur, but the police-pony extended a foreleg to block her. “Applejack, what happened?” Her little voice squeaked itself into higher registers in her rush to get the words out. “Where are the police taking you?” Her tiny hooves danced in place, wide eyes begging me for answers, wilting ears anticipating ones she feared. Before I could answer, she gasped. "Somepony must have framed you! The Crusaders and I will get you out of this!"

I shook my head, waving her down, watching confusion refill her huge eyes. “Ah got in an argument with somepony, sugarcube. Ah hurt him, by accident. We'll get it sorted out soon enough.” With that, I felt I was done talking for the year. If Celestia herself had landed in front of me and demanded an explanation, I don't think I could have mustered the will to say another word.

Sweetie's increasingly-urgent pleas became a drone in my ears, as did pretty much everything the police said at the station as I was booked and placed in a cell. It was the town's only cell, in fact. That's how often it was needed.

I washed myself at the tiny sink in the cell. I didn't feel like I'd ever be clean again after what I'd done. A few times while I scrubbed my hooves beneath the faucet I swore I saw blood on them, and prayed to Celestia it wasn't an omen.

Once I'd twisted off the faucets, water pooled in the scratched basin, showing me the face I least wanted to see right then. I was healthier in body than the last time I'd really studied myself, but I felt like even as I'd gained back the weight I'd lost, Applejack, the real Applejack, had continued wasting away to nothing. I tried peering through my reflection's green eyes, imagining I could glimpse the husk of the pony I once was rattling around inside the shell I stood in.

I couldn't dwell on the image long. The water finally seeped away, and watching it swirl down the drain, I felt my freedom and the last hope I had of salvaging my life going with it. I had hardly begun to indulge myself, dwelling on this fresh misery, when I was interrupted.

A magical field caught the gate to the holding area and shoved it open with a crash before five familiar mares rushed through to line up in front of my cage.

“AJ!” Twilight planted a hoof against the bars of the cell door. “What happened at town hall? Ponies are saying you went crazy and tried to murder a clerk!”

I sat on the floor and fixed my eyes on a spot a few feet from my hooves. “Didn't mean to hurt him so bad. Ah just got...so angry. Never meant...”

Silence reigned outside the bars for over a minute. I could just imagine the faces they were making at each other. What face would I make if I'd discovered one of my closest friends had slammed a random pony's skull into a wall in a fit of temper? Plainly that friend wasn't sane.

“AJ, tell us what happened? Please? I know you went there today to ask after that grant, no?” Rarity hunkered down and got as close as she could, close enough that her perfume overwhelmed the stale smells of the cell.

I retold the conversation as best as I could remember it, and the events that followed.

“Is Red Tape...did he survive?” My mouth had never been so dry, not even on the hottest workday of the summer.

“Yes, he's at the hospital now. The medic I saw at town hall told me a little. He has a concussion, maybe a hairline skull fracture. Some bumps, bruises, and cuts. They're going to be doing a lot of tests. You can never be too careful with head trauma.” Twilight sounded more reproachful than worried, which gave me some peace of mind.

Fluttershy stretched a hoof towards me through the bars. “I heard you were the only one who tried to administer first-aid. Not a single one of his coworkers lifted a hoof! They'll just have to take that into account, don't you think? And realize you never intended to do him so much damage!” She clucked her tongue. "And who would be thinking straight anyways with their precious pup all laid up at the vet."

Rainbow Dash struck my cell a blow, the iron bar ringing. “That slimy little paper-pusher! Threatening the mayor like that, bullying you! I-I don't blame you for getting mad AJ, but...what you did? That's not cool. And it's not like you either!” She rested her head against the bars, bright mane and a bit of muzzle poking through. “I thought being depressed was supposed to make you really sad all the time, not turn you into a bucking ball of rage.”

“Irritability is one of the symptoms of depression, according to some of the reading I've been doing.” Twilight frowned. “Thaaat's...a lot more than just irritability though.”

Pinkie had been silent the entire time. She'd let Twilight step between us, so I couldn't even get a good look at her. From behind the alicorn, she finally spoke up. “Is something else going on, AJ?”

“It—Ah...mah home!” I found myself choking on my words, and crumpled to the floor of the cell. With nothing and no one to hold, I curled into a fetal arc, letting my tears soak the floorboards. I felt like I'd been running a gauntlet, enduring body blows one after the other without rest, and I just couldn't hold myself together any longer. My body shook, totally out of my control, shoulders heaving with the force of my sobs. Every round of crying emptied my lungs completely, forcing me to gasp, only to start again.

I felt a magical field envelop me, lifting me onto the cot in the cell.

“What happened to the house, Applejack?” Twilight pushed me, her need to know—to have all the information so she could solve this new problem—overriding the desire to let me cry it out.

I don't know how long I made them wait. Every time I felt like I'd gotten enough breath to speak, I thought of Auntie Applesauce and her endless supply of blame, or Winona lying broken and neglected in that field, or how I couldn't think of a place I felt safe anymore, and anguish tightened my throat back up.

Finally I got a few sentences out. “A-Auntie Applesauce c-came to help care for Granny Smith. S-she doesn't understand anything, tells me Ah'm lazy, lies to G-G-Granny about what Ah've been doin', and now the last place Ah felt safe and a-at home is like mah own personal Tartarus!”

“She did not!”

“What?!”

“Seriously?”

Twilight balanced on her hindlegs to set her hooves on the bars. “How is this happening? I can't imagine Big Mac putting up with that! Doesn't he have your back?”

I waved a weak hoof at her. “He's been workin' so hard tryin' to keep everything together while Ah've been f-fallin' to pieces, he's just exhausted when he gets home. Ah doubt he sees anything but his dinner plate, the bathtub, and his bed, in that order, when he gets in the door at night.”

Rarity swore under her breath. I couldn't make it out, but the others verbally recoiled, it was such ugly profanity.

“Rarity, my goodness!”

“No Twilight, you don't understand. We've been going about this all wrong. Applejack told us her farm was in trouble, and that she was depressed. We've done what we could to help remedy the first problem, trusting that fixing it would fix the second problem, but that doesn't necessarily follow.” The unicorn sighed. “We should have been by her side all this time, not letting her alone like she had a cold we were afraid of catching.”

Dash rubbed the back of her head. “I...I have to admit I haven't been there for you, AJ. I just don't know what to do for you!”

Fluttershy nodded behind the curtain of her mane. “A-and it was so hard to see you so down, I tended to stay away too. If...if I could only help somehow, but I-I just don't know...I'm so sorry.” She trailed off into miserable silence, only the occasional sniffle escaping her mane.

“I convinced myself my material contributions were enough, that everypony else would pitch in to make up for my lack of a personal touch, since we aren't the closest. I was so stupid,” Rarity hissed.

Twilight sighed. “We'll do better when you get out, Applejack. You won't be fighting this fight alone anymore. We'll do it together, just like we stand against any other enemy.”

“So let's get her out of here, then!” Pinkie bounced back out of the lock-up, and the rest trailed after, dragging their hooves.

Twilight paused at the end of the pony train to glance back at me. “We'll talk to the mayor, Applejack. This is a unique situation. We'll set things right.”

Rewinding the day two hours would be the only way of setting things right, but I just lifted my head enough to nod Twilight's way, and collapsed back onto the cot.

I was in jail for a week. There was hardly an hour in the day one of my friends wasn't right outside my cell; regular visiting hours didn't seem to apply to me. I was given a lot of special treatment in fact, which made me feel a little sick. How long would I have spent locked up if I hadn't been an Element of Harmony, or a personal friend of Celestia's prize pupil?

Twilight had a talk with Textbook that I suspected was rather one-sided, and my former psychologist testified that in my current circumstances my judgment was impaired. In the improvised courtroom in town hall, (Ponyville seldom had need to formally try a pony) the judge noted the expert testimony.

Eyewitness accounts from the clerks I'd threatened were inconclusive, since none of them were actually harmed and they did witness me trying to help Red Tape. Their testimony neither helped nor particularly hurt my case, it simply confirmed the facts of the incident.

When they wheeled Red Tape into the courtroom in a wheelchair, I figured myself for doomed. What jury was going to side with me after seeing the pathetic bandaged stallion, brave enough to come down to town hall and risk his health to be sure his attacker was brought to justice? Actually, as I looked the stallion over, he appeared to be bandaged much more heavily than his wounds called for. I certainly hadn't heard about anything requiring a sling or a neck brace...

The bailiff swore him in, and the prosecution stepped up to the side of Red Tape's chair.

“Sir, can you describe to us what happened on the day you received your injuries?”

“Of course. Miss Applejack—“ he spit out my name, face no longer anywhere near the impassive mask he usually wore, “—came to me attempting to extort money from the Crowns to save her pathetic farm! I refused her of course, and when she threatened to go over my head and engage the mayor directly, I voiced my suspicion of a culture of croneyism and stated my intention to begin an investigation. It was then that Miss Applejack viciously attacked me, giving no warning.”

I'd been schooled not to respond in case of something like this, but I still felt a flare of rage in my breast. Red Tape carefully avoided looking in my direction as the prosecution questioned him about his pain and suffering.

When the defense took over, Horse Majeure of course, he didn't pull any punches.

“I have testimony Mr. Tape that you offered to drop your internal investigation if Applejack agreed to stop petitioning to apply for the grant in question. Purportedly, you even demanded she discontinue use of this facility, the hub of government in Ponyville, until tax-time next year." Horse paused to stare at his witness, whose expression had frozen. "Earlier questioning of the clerk who sat beside you in this very hall confirms there was more conversation than what you have relayed to the court here today.”

Red Tape began to sweat, ears flicking every few seconds. He turned his head, neck brace slipping a bit as he glanced from someone in the crowd back at Horse. “I can guess where that testimony came from! And perhaps I've forgotten a word or two but my account is accurate!”

“Were you aware sir that your attacker rendered aid following the incident? She didn't flee the scene of the crime, but actively sought to treat you. She had to fight off three of your fellow staffers in order to render this assistance.”

“The desperation of a mare who does not wish a murder-rap, nothing more! Even had I died, she could claim she'd done all she could to save me.”

“Or, she is as her doctor informed us, in desperate circumstances and in a very fragile frame of mind, which you massively disturbed with illegal and petty blocking.”

The increasingly-twitchy prosecutor leaped up. “Objection! Leading the witness.”

Judge Oak Bench nodded. “Sustained, but elaborate on how this 'blocking' was illegal, Mr. Majeure.”

Horse nodded. “Red Tape is a minor functionary at town hall. It is his responsibility to release forms and assist ponies in filling them out successfully. Applejack did not go to town hall to 'extort money' but to apply legally for a grant, a process any pony of legal age can do anywhere in Equestria.” He thrust a hoof at Red Tape. “Mr. Tape decided on his own authority that Applejack did not deserve the same rights as everypony else, and failed to perform his duty. Do I even have to mention his stipulation that Applejack ban herself from town hall for months?”

Oak Bench scratched one of his bushy eyebrows. “Disturbing, but what bearing does this have on Applejack's attack on Red Tape?”

“It opens up questions about why Red Tape would do this to Applejack. Did he bear a grudge against her? Has he stymied her in the past? Is she the only one he's blocked thusly?”

“Objection! This is a wild tangent!” The prosecutor flailed her hooves.

“Sustained. Are we done with Red Tape? He looks...exhausted.”

Honestly he looked like he was having a panic attack. "Applejack! I'm going to sue you into the ground when you get out of the lockup!" His foreleg left its sling, thrusting right at me. "Think you're so big? Muscles don't mean horseapples in my office, and that's a lesson you'll pay dearly for!"

The mingled look of pity and disgust the mayor laid on Red Tape as he was wheeled out seemed to promise one thing: his job would not be waiting for him when he finished recuperating.

“Jury, the bailiff will now take you away to deliberate.” Oak Bench folded his forelegs, leaned back in his chair and dozed while the eight-pony jury filed upstairs to some empty office to talk things over.

Horse settled in beside me, and gave my back a pat. “The jury's thinking hard about how big an ass Red Tape is and how screwed-up your life is right now. They know you have always been kind, generous, hard-working and honest, while he has always been a cold, slimy, insensitive inchworm. It doesn't get you off the hook, but I think they'll be able to see this for the accident it is, and not as the start of Applejack's murder-spree.” He winked at me, but I could see the solemnity lurking behind it and the tight little smile. I couldn't tell whether he was worried about me, or worried about what I might do.

Before an hour had ticked by, the jury trotted back downstairs and took their seats again. The judge asked them for their verdict.

“We find Applejack Apple guilty on the charge of battery. We find her not-guilty for aggravated assault. We wish to express our belief that Applejack's judgment was indeed impaired at the time the crime was committed, and that proper leniency be used in her sentencing.” The mare reading the verdict sat down, and snuck a pitying sideways glance at me. My cheeks burned.

Oak Bench accepted the written verdict from the bailiff, but hardly glanced at it. “Applejack Apple. I have listened to a jury of your peers, reviewed the advice of experts and witnesses, and seen with my own eyes how downcast you are over this entire incident. No one in Ponyville can be said to be impartial when it comes to you, one of our favorite daughters, and it hurts us all to see you brought this low. I rule that you continue your treatment for depression under a licensed doctor, and you will perform 450 hours of community service starting next year.”

Oak Bench removed his spectacles, and gave me a tired smile. “If that's all you end up performing, you'd call it an easy year compared to most, I'd bet. You will serve a sentence of one month house-arrest, less time already-served.”

My mouth fell open. House-arrest. With Auntie Applesauce? Now that I was a criminal on top of everything else?

Horse and the judge were smiling, waiting for me to show some sign of gratitude for the lenient sentence. I felt like I had to scrape so far back inside myself, the tremulous smile I finally extracted came from the tip of my tail.

It wasn't until the bailiff had placed a tracking spell on me and released me into my friends' custody that I felt I could even take a proper breath. My lungs felt like they could expand again, but I couldn't seem to stop gasping for air. Just a quarter mile down main street, I stumbled sideways into Fluttershy, dizzy, and we all stopped.

“AJ, what is it?” Rarity steadied me, and Fluttershy peered into my eyes.

“You're hyperventilating, Applejack. You can calm down now, you're free of those awful bars and out here under the sun, standing in sparkling snow! You're here with us now, and it's going to be okay.” Fluttershy stroked my neck with smooth and even passes, and her touch, along with her soft voice, eventually did have a soothing effect.

“I-it's not jail Ah'm stressin' over now.” I swallowed, feeling dried out in the cold air.

Rainbow scowled, and kicked a chip of ice off the road and into a snowbank. “It's that old nag of an aunt you're worried about, isn't it?”

None of them missed how I flinched at the word 'aunt.'

“You have us here with you this time, Applejack.” Twilight narrowed her eyes a bit in concentration as she unfurled just a single wing, then draped it over me with a tiny little smirk of triumph.

“Yeah! That old windbag better start blowing her hot air up somepony else's—“

Rarity tugged the pegasus' tail with a magical grip. “That will do, Rainbow Dash.”

The familiar banter took my mind off things just enough. I straightened, set one hoof in front of another, and let momentum carry me down the road for home.

Home. It felt like a month since I'd seen it. It had even been long enough since I'd heard Auntie's voice that I was looking forward to seeing everyone again, plus the familiar sights. Even if the trees were bare and the grass was buried beneath a snowy blanket, it was still my home. I missed Winona dashing up to greet me, feeling the knife of guilt twist in my side again.

We had almost reached the front door when Rarity spoke up. “Why, where did Pinkie get off to? I could swear she was right beside me a moment ago.”

I shrugged. “Pinkie is as Pinkie does.” I pushed open the door, the other four ponies filing in behind me.

We found Pinkie easily enough. She was embroiled in a shouting match with Auntie Applesauce in the dining room, trying to wrestle her party-cannon away from the nag. Streamers, balloons, and confetti covered half the room, but it was obvious Pinkie hadn't finished firing her celebratory ordnance yet.

“You will not host a party for that degenerate monster in this house! If I could disown her myself, I would have the second those manacles clicked around her ankles!”

“You don't know a thing about Applejack, Auntie Meaniesauce! She deserves every party in the world for carrying on with the battle she's fighting inside! You can't stand to see an earth pony slip and be weak, even for a second, and she's hardly even being weak even though she should be, she deserves to be,”

“Yes, you'd know all about just-desserts, wouldn't you?” Auntie Applesauce jabbed Pinkie in the belly with one hoof. “If the rest of her friends are anything like you, no wonder she's become so soft, so willing to give in and let others carry her load.”

That was the cue for the rest of the girls behind me to join the fray. They rushed past me to join Pinkie, confronting Auntie Applesauce, and the din in the dining room rose to echo through every corner of the house.

I took a step back, then another, and backed around the corner to crash to my rump on the kitchen floor. My home was still no refuge; it was getting hard to imagine it ever would be again. The bad memories were stacking up fast, and they loomed so much larger lately than the good ones.

I jumped when a heavy hoof landed on my foreshoulder. Mac stood there, glaring through the doorway into the dining room. Granny Smith and Apple Bloom stood behind him, no less grim. They moved as one into the chaos, and Mac struck the floor a blow so hard the heavy table jumped a few inches into the air.

Silence reigned, while Granny hobbled out from behind Mac and crossed the floor towards Auntie. She planted herself right in front of the indignant old mare.

Granny held herself even more stiffly than her old bones required. “Applesauce, it's time for you to go.”

“But Granny Smith, you're still—“

“I'm hale enough, and you've stirred up enough bees in our bonnets that I don't want to hear your horseshoes on our road 'til the next reunion!”

“Of all the ungrateful—!”

“Nopony asked for you to come and enjoy our hospitality, so I don't have any qualms about withdrawin' it, Choppers! Now git, or Mac'll fetch the wheelbarrow!”

Apple Bloom dragged a packed suitcase into view, punctuation on the family-delivered proclamation.

“Well. In all my days I never thought I'd see you cater to such a pathetic case of immaturity, Granny Smith. She's poison, and it'll spread.” Auntie made a point of glaring at Apple Bloom before she seized her bag in her teeth. She promptly lost those teeth when she tried to make for the door, dentures still clutching the luggage handle.

Twilight sighed. “I'll give you a hoof with your bag, ma'am.”

Pinkie finished putting up the decorations after Auntie left, but the welcome-back party felt forced. It was plain on everyone's faces fun wasn't foremost on our minds. Apple Bloom took a bit to catch the mood, but even she wound down from her sugar-high soon enough and noticed that nopony was trying very hard to pin the tail on the pony, and that their first cups of punch had barely been touched.

She pranced over and hogtied my forelegs in a hug after I'd finished my turn with the tail. I'd managed to tack it to a lampshade.

“M'so glad you're home sis. Ah know you didn't mean for all that to happen, and Ah know he was a rotten stallion.” She squeezed me tighter still, her little face buried against my chest.

I brushed my muzzle along her fiery mane. “Rotten as he was, Ah've no excuse for what Ah did. Violence solves nothin' twixt civilized folk. Ah hope you can see that, sugarcube.”

“Ah do, sis.”

“AJ! C'mon and try to break this pinata!”

I waved a hindleg awkwardly at Pinkie, then managed to shift Apple Bloom up onto my back, freeing my other legs.

“Let's have some fun tonight. Get used to it, 'cuz yer big sis is stuck inside these walls for a few weeks!”

“Frees Brass and me up to do yer chores,” Tacks chuckled, stepping in from the kitchen. Brass was right behind her, though he detoured for the refreshments right after shooting me a wink.

I gave her a hoof-bump and a tired smile. “Where've you two been?”

“We couldn't stand dat old bag of yers, so we been lyin' low in the bahn. When we were sure she'd gone fer good, we decided to join the pahty.”

The twins looked a bit bedraggled, and I could only imagine how often they'd chosen to skip bathing to avoid dealing with Auntie. A faint echo of the anger I'd felt before flickered in my core, but I snuffed it with the assurance that Applesauce was gone.

I glanced at Granny, struck by a sudden thought. She was the closest to Auntie Applesauce, and telling her off like that couldn't have been easy. She sat at the table, head down, and for a moment I thought she'd fallen asleep in the center of the party's noise and light. Then she shook her head, just a tiny bit, and her age-puckered mouth tightened.

No. No, Granny was far from unaffected. I'd managed to come between her and one of her closest relatives. She'd come here to care for Granny, not me. I should've just ignored her.

The room seemed to throb. With every pulse I felt it would expel me, and I'd be tossed into the darkness of the rest of the house, away from the pressure of eyes, expectations, affection and love. I felt like I was throbbing in turn, and when the room and I synched, when I'd grown desperate enough to escape, all resistance to that pull would collapse.

Pinkie bumped my shoulder with a short stick, holding the other end in her mouth. Her eyes begged me to take a swing, to try.

I took the stick, and waded back into the party. I had to try. I couldn't let the voice in my head and Auntie Applesauce be right about me. I couldn't let my friends down. I couldn't let my family down. Hay, I couldn't let me down any more than I already had! That piñata was going down.

When an officer came to remove my tracking spell on the last day of my house arrest, it was bitterly cold. As I stepped outside and filled my lungs with the freezing air, I had to wonder if it had gotten that much chillier, or if I'd just acclimated to the indoors with all the days cooped up. I'd baked more pies than I cared to think about, and done more cleaning than I can recall doing at a stretch.

I stamped a few times, trying to convince my muscles not to freeze solid. I settled my new scarf in place, a gift from Rarity, then started my old routine.

It was a miserable day, weather-wise. It was one of those gray, washed-out winter days where everything looks like filthy wool, the color leached out, stored in some distant, happier land. The sight of the orchard itself didn't help my mood any. Bare branches, stretching up into the air, looked like cracks in the sky rather than my beloved trees. The green, all the shades I loved so much, and the jewel-like reds, emeralds, and golds of apples were all missing. It seemed like nothing but death covered the farm, though I knew very well the trees only slept.

I envied them a moment, as I made my way between the trunks. I imagined being able to just slide into bed, close my eyes, and wake up in spring, the deep chill of winter nothing but a bad dream, the fragments of it quickly shaken off.

"Applejack!" Brass called to me, and I followed the voice to the row of trees the twins were working on.

"Y'all getting along okay?" I looked over some of the work they'd been doing, and nodded my approval. Mac and I had taught them well. The pruning was going smoothly.

"Yeah, but I've been spottin' somethin' pretty odd. Heah, take a look." Brass held a severed tree-limb out towards Tacks and me.

"Huh. Look at that. There's some kind of worm under the bark." Tacks squinted at the cut end of the branch.

I stopped cold, and hustled over to seize the limb. I moved into a sunny patch, raised it to my eye and stared. Sure enough, the disappearing tail of a worm was visible. Grimacing, I grasped it with my lips and tugged hard, dragging it out from beneath the bark. I spat it into one hoof and examined it. The worm was orange and brown with white mold-like spots along its length. It was more caterpillar than worm in appearance, really, but it meant nothing but disaster in my eyes.

"That's a burrowing bark-nester! They're a pest, and enough of 'em will kill a tree like nopony's business!" I tossed it to the ground and gave it one good strike with my hoof, grinding it into paste among the snow-dusted leaves. "Keep an eye out for more, and follow mah lead. We can't afford to have any of those things in the orchard!"

Brass and Tacks found five more apiece in the next few minutes, just in the limbs they were trimming off.

"Horseapples. Ah need to get Twilight. She might be able to tell me just how bad the infestation is, but this don't look good."

Twilight Sparkle was just leaving the library with a load of books and scrolls when I found her. "Twi! Ah think Ah may have an infestation on mah hooves! Can ya come straight over and take a look?"

Twilight hesitated. "Hang on a second. I was just on my way to the mayor's to drop off these advance plans for Winter Wrap-up. I'll drop them off, then meet you there at the farm."

I nodded, though I couldn't help but grimace at the mere mention of the mayor. That would have to do. I headed back for the farm at a gallop, almost breaking a leg on an icy patch.

"Sure will be glad to wrap up this winter," I groused. Warmer weather brought the green, growing part of work on the farm, far more satisfying and fulfilling than the cold, ruthless work of pruning in the winter. I just hoped there would be an orchard left to work...

Back at Sweet Apple Acres I found Brass and Tacks out shivering in the orchard, still finding more of the blasted worms.

"Brass, head to the gate to give Twi directions when she arrives, will you?"

Brass headed off at a good pace, probably glad for the run to work up some heat. Tacks tilted her head at me. "How do ya get rid of dese things?"

"They need a good long winter to develop properly. If you raise the temperature enough during their growing season, they'll croak."

"Raise the temperature? It's ten below freezing out t'day!" Tacks shook her head. "What's the worst-case scenario? Say the whole orchard is infected?"

No, don't even imagine that! "We're almost sure to lose trees, then. Ah dunno know how many." A familiar burning feeling began to spread in my stomach.

Twilight fluttered into view overhead, spotted me through a gap in the branches, and teleported to the ground. "Okay, what have we got?"

I trimmed off a nearby limb, and scowled as it too contained a worm, or half of one at least. Twilight made a face but accepted the partial specimen, examining it. "You told me about these once, didn't you? Burrowing..."

"Bark-nesters. We need to know how bad the infestation is, then we need to start treatment right away! Normally, that means fire barrels and fabric to capture and focus the hot smoke, but Ah was rather hopin' you had a more direct, magical method." I found that I was prancing in place I was so anxious, and reined myself in. Brass rejoined us, breath puffing out in clouds from his run.

Twilight lit up her horn, lowered her head to level the tip of that horn at the nearest tree, and projected a flat, triangular plane of light at its trunk. She swept the light up and down the tree, and we could clearly see worms highlighted in fluorescent green. Twi turned to the tree's neighbor and repeated the scan, finding more worms. Frowning, she widened her stance, then projected the scanning spell across a wider area, scanning a half-dozen trees at once.

They were all infested. My legs felt weak. "Let's...move a few dozen yards away and try again. Tacks, could you go fetch some twine from the barn? We can mark the infected trees with it."

Tacks nodded, face grim as she ran off. Brass shrugged as we cantered off to a new site to sample. "Why bother with marking? It looks like at this rate every tree is gonna—"

"No! That can't be!" I shouted, my voice cracking I put so much force behind the words. The other two ponies fell behind a few steps, but hurried to catch up when I didn't pause.

In a new grove of trees Twilight scanned again, and still found worms. I groaned through clenched teeth. "Let's try one of the other orchards. Maybe it's just this one."

Brass kept his mouth shut this time while we crossed a swath of grass to reach the north orchard. Twilight lit her horn, and I watched the tree's bark apparently disappear, revealing yet more worms.

My legs buckled, sending me crashing to the ground. Frozen leaves crackled beneath me and frost ground into my coat, chilling me in an instant. "N-no, not after all we did..."

"Applejack, this isn't the end! I can help." Twilight stomped a hoof. She turned to the tree she had just scanned, and projected her magic into the air, forming a disc. She warped the disc, intensifying the harsh winter sunlight that filtered down through the leaves above, focusing the resulting point of light and heat on the tree.

With a bit more effort and a deeper glow in her horn, she restored the scanning spell from earlier, running both spells simultaneously. Using the scan to guide the pinpoint of sunlight, Twi began to fry the worms right through the bark of the tree. It took about six minutes to do the entire tree, and Twilight looked satisfied when she'd finished.

"There, the worms are dead and the tree is unharmed."

"Twilight, unless you can do that to a whole mess of trees at once, that method won't do us any good!" I wasn't sure why I was even speaking, or how I even had the energy left to do so. It was all so pointless now.

"Why? There can't be that many trees on the farm."

"No, only a bit over twenty-thousand."

"Twenty...so at six minutes a tree, I'd be done in..." Twilight flinched. "Three months, working non-stop." She shook her head. "Well, I'll have to think of something else then. Why don't we visit the other orchards and make sure the problem extends to them?"

I don't know how I managed to rise to my hooves and follow, but I did. The next thing I knew we were in the west orchard, and we found the worm concentration was greatest here.

"If I had to guess, I'd say they spread from here," Twilight said.

My stomach cramped, and I staggered against the nearest tree. "M-my fault... There must have been a colony here, and Ah disturbed them when Ah started choppin' down trees and gettin' this orchard back into shape."

Twilight bit her lip. "That... That may be, but there's no way you could have known. This really isn't your fault, AJ! It could've happened to anypony at any time!"

"But it happened to me, now!" I screamed, sending Twilight and Brass back a step again. "And why shouldn't it?! Anythin' can go wrong, it will if Applejack has a hoof in it! If that's how yer gonna be, big bad world, Ah have a solution!" I turned and galloped for the farmhouse, weaving in and out between trees.

I could hear Twilight behind me, begging me to stop, to listen to her, but I pressed on. She teleported right in front of me, planting her hooves and bracing herself for an impact, but I just dodged to one side of the alicorn. Just past the treeline near the farmhouse she tried the same trick but also spread her wings, presenting a larger barrier. I tensed my hindlegs and leaped, sailing right over her, skidding across the snowy grass on the other side.

When I reached the house, I burst in the door, nearly knocking Granny over backwards in her rocker with shock.
"Jackie, what—"

I ignored her, dashing upstairs with a terrible clatter.

Twilight teleported into my bedroom just as I shut the door behind me. "Applejack, no! Suicide is not the answer!"

I collapsed on my bed. Unless I smothered myself with my own pillow by mistake, I didn't think that was a concern.

There was an awkward pause when she realized I wasn't trying to hurt myself. I just wanted to stop hurting everyone else. Not that I expected her to get that. I flicked an ear when she snapped at me, Twilight's voice taut with anger. "I'm so tired of this! There's this wall that nothing gets through with you!" Her frustration came through clearer the longer she went on. "I don't even know if you want to get better. You almost seem to like being miserable!"

"Jest go 'way Twi. Leave me be. S'what Ah need right now. S'what everyone needs."

"No, it isn't! What we all need is our Applejack, our friend! This ball of despair in front of me isn't her! It's almost like you're...possessed or something.

She paced back and forth; I could hear each frustrated impact of hooves on my floorboards. "The old Applejack would never have given up and come up here to hide! She never hid from hard work!"

Everything ugly boiling inside me exploded like Twilight had thrown a match into a powder keg. I twisted, tearing my face away from the pillow, barely even focusing my eyes on her. Flecks of spit flew from my lips as I bellowed, "Everything Ah touch turns to manure!"

My body felt desperate to cry, but my eyes only grew hot, not wet. "Ah shoulda stayed in Manehattan when Ah left as a filly! Shoulda stayed in Dodge Junction when Ah screwed up back then! Everyone'd be better off." I jerked my head back down into the pillow.

An ink-cloud of despair fought with a molten lake of hate inside me. Most of the hatred was reserved for myself, but I found some of it leaking towards Twilight. So, I hated my own friend who was only here to help me. Welcome to the bottom, Jackie.

"Applejack! You have to know that's not true! That's not—" Twilight stopped herself and sighed. "You're not even reasonable right now. I'm done ramming my head into a wall."

With my muzzle in my pillow I couldn't see Twilight's face, but I could imagine the disappointment on it. It was the easiest thing in the world to copy that disappointment onto the faces of the rest of my friends, then my family. My mind took it a step further and twisted the disappointment into disgust, then anger.

When I did nothing but quiver in my bed, Twilight heaved another sigh. "I'm going to get the rest of our friends, and I'm going to do whatever I can to save your farm. If you want to hide up here, that's your decision."

I didn't think I could sink any further. I thought I'd been pounded right into the dirt. Twilight's words proved me wrong, landing like sledgehammer blows. Tears finally came, leaking fast and hot into my pillow. I felt the displacement of air as she teleported out again, and dragged my blankets up over my head, shutting out the world.