Chapter Five
Once we'd reached shore Rarity argued that taking me to a hospital in Manehattan would be best, but she was overruled by the rest in minutes. Pinkie carried me on her back to the train, never complaining once about my weight. Once we'd settled down in our car, no longer the only passengers, Pinkie created a sort of barrier with our luggage to block out the sight of the rest of the ponies aboard for me.
I'm sure the others were confused, but the little haven did give me some peace. Staying hydrated and resting up, I was able to disembark under my own power at the station. We hadn't thought to send word ahead to Ponyville, so no one was there at the platform to meet us.
"Rainbow, would you nip on down to the farm and let Mac, no one else, know where Ah am? Ah don't want to worry Granny or Apple Bloom any more than Ah already have." I raised my hoof towards her and Dash gave it a hesitant hoofbump before she blasted off from the platform, the downdraft from her wings ruffling our collective manes.
The other girls accompanied me to Ponyville General, where Twilight and I approached the front desk together.
"Hello. My friend Applejack needs to be examined right away. I have reason to believe she's suffering from a stomach ulcer as well as...severe depression."
I flicked my ears at the word: depression. How in the world had a word usually used to describe a little old hole come to mean the deepest, darkest depths a pony's soul could sink to?
The pony behind the counter hoofed over a clipboard, and Twilight was immediately in her element filling out the various forms, only floating it over to me for signatures and tidbits of information she lacked.
It was only minutes before a familiar face appeared. Nurse Redheart bustled out from the hall behind the desk, and took me in hoof. "You girls can wait here if you like. As soon as she's in her room, I'll come get you." She smiled at my friends, professional, reassuring. She gave one the sense that this was no big thing, and you'd be out of here in time for supper.
Her demeanor changed once we'd drawn out of sight, and she looked me over while we walked, ears swiveling about and tail flicking. "You missed your last physical, Applejack. I wish you'd made it. We can't help keep you out of here if you don't come to see us now and then, you know."
I nodded mechanically, a little dollop of guilt added to the mountain already there in my head. Redheart led me to an examination room and took my vitals, weighed me, drew some blood, peered into my mouth and ears, and scribbled on a chart for a few minutes. She heaved a sigh when she finished, and set the chart on the counter.
"Hop up on the table there Applejack, and the doctor will be along in a minute. We'll take good care of you, okay?"
“Thanks, Nurse.” I clambered up on the table, making an awful racket on the crinkly protective paper they always use on the darn things. I'd barely gotten settled when the doctor appeared, an aged unicorn with a gray beard and half-spectacles.
"Afternoon, Miss. Let's see here." He telekinetically flipped through my chart, drawing it along with him as he sat right beside the examination table on a stool. "Well Applejack, why don't you tell me what's been going on lately? It's been so long since I've seen you last, I didn't even recognize you." He smiled, nodding towards the crown of my head. "Didn't help that you're not wearing your hat."
I blinked, and craned my neck to peek at his cutie mark. He obligingly lifted the hem of his white coat to reveal a thermometer crossed with a lollipop.
"Doctor Sugar Coat! Ah'm sorry, Ah didn't recognize you either. It's...Ah guess it has been a long while, hasn't it?" I squinted. "You're not in, uh, pediatrics anymore?"
"Not full-time, no. The older I get, the less energy I have to deal with patients too young to tell me what's wrong, not to mention the squirming!" He tapped my chart. "That apple-a-day maxim must have some truth to it. It looks like we haven't seen you for anything but routine checkups in almost ten years."
I blushed a tiny bit. I had been sick a few times in the last decade, but we Apples tend to stick to home. Soup, tea, and bed-rest put me right, and I didn't have to deal with cold instruments, sterile rooms and strange smells. "We're a pretty healthy lot."
"Usually. So what's changed?" He set the chart aside and leaned back, crossing his hindlegs and resting both forehooves atop a knee.
"Ah got myself all worked up over...finances. Ah guess it was enough to drive me into depression, and over time the stress soured mah stomach. Ah felt nauseous at meals, didn't eat much. More recently it's started hurtin', burning, and a few days ago Ah threw up. There was some blood in it."
"Applejack, you've lost twenty pounds since your last recorded weight. Just looking at you, I can tell you're exhausted. Your coat has no shine, your mane and tail are brittle. I'm going to confirm it with tests, but it's a pretty good bet you have an ulcer. If you're depressed, that's a whole other ballgame, and I'll be bringing in a friend of mine to help you with that."
He leaned forward, stretching out a hoof to plant it against my shoulder. "If you work with us, we can help. Will you work with us, Applejack? I'll bribe you if I have to." His other hoof appeared from behind his back, brandishing a sour green-apple lollipop, my favorite.
"Shucks, Ah don't need any bribes," I said while taking the sucker. "Ah want to get better. Ah hate feeling this way." I couldn't bring myself to admit to Dr. Sugar Coat that I doubted I could get better. I'm sure we could fix the physical problems, but my head was, like he said, a whole other ballgame.
"Alright then. I'm going to get you a wheelchair, and no arguments," he shook a hoof at me when my brows drew together, "and we'll get you to your room right after I run some tests. Roll onto your back for me?"
About ninety minutes later I'd been scanned, prodded, and probed, and was finally resting in a comfortable bed. If I wasn't mistaken, this room was across the hall from the one Rainbow had occupied when she'd injured her wing a while back. Nurse Redheart inserted an IV needle in my foreleg with enough skill that I barely felt the pinch, giving me fluids she assured me I badly needed.
Before she let the girls come up, she also pressed two pills on me. "These suppress your stomach acids, so that ulcer has a chance to heal up. Of course, without your acids on full blast you can't eat regular food without regretting it, so..." She scooted a little tray over my bed with a bowl of oatmeal sitting on it. A sliced banana struggled valiantly to keep it from looking completely unappetizing.
"Ah'm really not hungry..."
"Doctor's orders, Applejack! You need to get your strength back. If you don't eat this, we'll have to feed you in less pleasant ways, and none of us want that." She set a spoon on the tray and gave me an expectant look.
I sighed, strapped on the spoon, and dug in. Nausea set in after just a few spoonfuls, but under Redheart's watchful eye, I managed to finish most of the bowl.
"Good. I'll let everyone downstairs know they can come up now." She slipped out the door, leaving me with my thoughts for a bit.
I'd been shuffled around so much in the past few days, it was hard to snap back into focus. I rubbed my temples, and realized I had no idea where my Stetson was.
"Priorities, AJ. You're back home. You need to get out of here so you can get back to work. Maybe, just maybe, with the girls' help you can save the farm." If I could do that, then maybe there was hope for me.
A knock on the door preceded the girls, led by Mac. He edged into the room, extra mindful of the IV pole and other pieces of medical paraphernalia standing vigil by my bed.
"Made it through the briar patch?" I teased, when he finally reached my bedside, hovering over me. It might have reassured him if the smile I offered hadn't been so half-hearted.
Mac hissed through his teeth. "AJ, how'd you wind up like this?" He shook his head hard enough to put his mane in disarray. "An' how'd I miss the signs you were sick?"
"Ah hid 'em. Y'can't blame yourself Mac, it's all me. All of it." I reached up to pat him, but that only drew my foreleg from beneath the sheets, revealing the IV needle piercing it. I frowned when his ears drooped lower at the sight.
"Mac, you've done all you can to keep our family together'n happy. Workin' harder than ever on my account, it's a wonder you're not sick yourself."
He shook his head, the movement so ponderous Mac's head might as well have weighed as much as an anvil. "Didn't...didn't do so well keepin' us happy. Even while you were gone. Apple Bloom tried t'run away."
My heart took a lesson from my stomach, and twisted inside me. The girls gasped, lined up around the foot and other side of the bed.
"Y-you said 'tried.' You've already brought her back?" I tripped over the words in my hurry to get them out.
"Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo brought her back while I was still out knockin' on doors and raising Tartarus. They talked her out of it, looks like." His face had 'no thanks to me' written all over it.
"Mac, look at me. D'you see where Ah am? This is where blamin' mahself for everything has gotten me." I jammed a hoof up against his big blunt muzzle. "Now don't you start." My blame was where it should be. Wouldn't do to have Mac stealing any of it. I grimaced at the nasty inner voice.
Mac snorted, and hunkered down, resting his chin on the bed. "Shouldn't have even brought it up. Just get better, AJ, and come home."
"Speaking of home, let's talk about what we can do to get Sweet Apple Acres back on its hooves!" Twilight smacked one hoof into another, face screwed up into a determined scowl that still came off as cute. "We were talking it over while we waited."
Rarity spoke up first. "Keeping up appearances is very important for a business, Applejack. I noticed the sales cart isn't in the best repair, and is a bit, well, rustic if you catch my drift. Not that there's anything wrong with that, really!" She windmilled her hooves, deflecting the expected glares. "I simply think a different style would attract more customers, nowadays. I can dress up the cart for you."
Mac and I exchanged a furtive glance.
"The barn is the iconic face of Sweet Apple Acres, and, under your direction of course, I think I can effect some fantastic improvements there as well." She gave her mane an absent bounce with one hoof. "The better you look, the easier it is to land quality clients."
I saw several problems with all of that, but decided to simply accept Rarity's generosity and work out the details later. "Thankee kindly, Rarity. Ah'd appreciate any advice you can give me as a successful businessmare, too."
Pinkie and Mac both caught my heavy emphasis and shot me looks, but nopony else seemed to notice. Rainbow Dash flared her wings, stepping away from the bed to punch the air with one-two combinations.
"I'll handle the weather, of course. You're going to get nothing but the best!"
But the growing season's nearly over, Dash. So many things I was leaving unsaid. I nodded at Rainbow, and we traded hoofbumps. She was so gentle with me, I felt she thought I must have turned to glass.
Pinkie reached over to tousle my mane, before plopping a familiar hat on my head. "I'm going to schmooze a deal with the Cakes and cater your meals for a while from Sugarcube Corner! You won't have to worry about grub, rub-a-dub-dub!"
That was actually a load off my mind, and an expense I could take off the budget. I gave Pinkie the best smile I could, hoping my relief shone through in it.
Fluttershy placed a little teddy bear on my lap, a big satin heart on his chest stitched with the words 'feel better.' "Twilight suggested that I talk to the animals who live near the farm, and make it clear your crops are off limits. A-and of course I'll work harder on that fruit bat problem." Her ears flattened. "I'm so sorry I haven't found a new home for them yet."
Before I could respond, Twilight leaned in closer. "Maybe Rainbow can help scout out some possibilities, Fluttershy. I'll be doing research on your problems AJ, and of course, putting my organizational skills to good use. Anywhere I can use my magic, I'll certainly use it, but magic isn't a panacea of course."
"A what now?" I asked, rubbing my eyes, suddenly feeling the weight of the past few days on me.
"A cure-all. Sorry, I'm sure you're tired. We'll get to work, and leave you to rest for now." Twilight herded the other girls before her, and Mac stood with a grunt.
He leaned over me, lifted my hat off to hang it on a bedpost, then planted a kiss on my forehead. "I'll see you tomorrow, AJ. Heal up, and get these fool ideas out of your head about letting the family down. We're in a rough patch, and it's nopony's fault."
"G'night Mac. Ah'll try." I watched him go, the door clicking shut behind him. Nurse Redheart returned just a few minutes later to take my vitals again.
"Do you feel like a bath before you sleep?" She asked, and I could see her trying not to eye my brine-crusted and clumped mane.
"...In the mornin'. Can't really think about movin' just now."
"Alright Applejack. I'll be in to check on you in a few hours. Nurse Cotton will take over for me around midnight." Redheart drew the curtains in my room, then slipped out again.
I drifted off into dreams of searching for Apple Bloom in the Everfree forest, my little sister always out of sight amongst the trees, sobbing like a lost soul.
It was a restless night, thanks to the dreams and the nurses checking in on me. The next morning Granny Smith brought Apple Bloom to see me, and I fought hard against tears at the sight of the sweet little filly.
She galloped to my bedside, and reared back to free her forelegs, giving me a hug I leaned into. "What's wrong with ya, sis? Did you get hurt on your quest for the sea ponies?"
I released her, stroking that fiery red mane of hers. "No, nothin' like that sugarcube. Ah've just been workin' myself too hard and not eatin', uh, enough vegetables."
She frowned, and poked me in the chest with a stubby hoof. "Your eyes did that swishy thing. You lied just now! What's really wrong?"
Lovely, even my little sister could catch me in a lie. "Well, it actually is true Ah haven't been eating enough, but in a nutshell? Ah actually worried mahself sick, for real. The doctors are telling me to take it real easy, get some rest, and they're gonna have a special doctor come talk to me about mah problems so Ah stop worrying so much."
Apple Bloom wrinkled her nose, one brow elevated. "Oh. Well, okay. Can you come home soon?"
I shrugged. "That's up to the doctors, sugar. Ah don't think they'll keep me more than a few days though." I turned my head toward Granny. "How're you holding up, Granny Smith?"
"Ohh, fit as a fiddle! Apple Bloom helped me make pancakes this morning, and we didn't burn a single one."
"One stuck to the ceiling though," Apple Bloom admitted with a sigh.
"Funny thing though, that friend of yours Pinkie Pie? She stopped by to tell us not to worry about cookin' for a while. She said she'll be bringin' over goodies from Sugarcube Corner, breakfast, lunch and dinner! Apple Bloom got more excited than a worm in an apple imagining eatin' pie and cake for every meal, but Pinkie said there'd be savory stuff to boot." Granny tilted her head. "Those other friends of yours have been all over the farm lately too."
My stomach sank. "Mac, he...hasn't spoken with you about anything lately?"
"Not that I can remember, anyhow." Granny winked a twinkly eye.
"Well, we're going through a bit of a rough patch with the farm's finances, and mah friends offered to help so we could turn more of a profit this year." I kept an eye on Apple Bloom, and sighed as she wilted.
The forlorn filly twisted my sheet between her hooves, unable to meet either adult's eyes. "Y-you said the other night we'd have to sell the farm."
"Say what? Sell it? Sweet Apple Acres?" Granny's voice doubled, then tripled in volume. "No sirree! There's no way, no—no..." Granny worked her mouth and blinked.
"Granny?" I sat up some more, feeling my pulse racing.
"My back...hurts." Her legs gave out, and Granny sagged to the floor, face screwed up in pain. Apple Bloom rushed around the bed towards her, eyes wide, little hooves skidding on the tile floor.
"Granny? Granny? Granny Smith!"
I stumbled out of bed, throwing the sheets off in a panic. "Nurse!"
I lay back in bed, tears leaking out the corners of my eyes and running down into my mane. I blocked out the world with a foreleg across my face, and just marinated in my misery. It would sound bizarre to someone whose mind was working right, but it was satisfying in a way. It felt good to stop fighting the waves of sadness, and just let them claim me, gluing me to my bed like the useless lump I was. Maybe if I just stayed in this bed, didn't move and didn't speak again, I wouldn't cause any more harm.
A light touch on my leg brought me back to reality. I swiped the tears from my eyes, sniffling, and blinked up at Nurse Cotton.
"We have her stabilized, Miss. We're going to put her in here with you, once she's out of the ICU."
"She's gonna be okay?" I grasped the sleeve of her crisp white top, and cringed at the begging note in my voice.
"Doctor Steady Pulse seems to think so. Your Granny is tougher than the oatcakes we serve here." Cotton winked. She patted my shoulder, then took my foreleg and gave it a tug. "C'mon, let's get you into the shower. You'll feel better once you're cleaned up, then we'll go and see her."
Obeying was easier than resisting, so I walked carefully down the hall after her, one hoof on the railing running along the wall. The shower took up most of the room it was installed in and had all manner of assistive devices for ponies worse off than me.
Nurse Cotton found the taps amongst the jumble of equipment and got a nice hot shower started for me. She took shampoo and soap from a shelf and set them in a little recessed soap dish within the shower, then bowed me in like it was a coach and I was bound for a fancy ball.
The shower did help. I left it feeling more like a pony ready to make her own decisions and live her own life, as miserable as it was. Toweled but damp, Cotton—whose cutie mark was a folded pile of linens with a pink ribbon tied around them—led me through the hospital to a wing on the first floor where the staff-to-patient ratio was closer to one-to-one.
I found Granny dozing in bed, hooked up to monitors and an IV like the one I'd torn myself free of earlier trying to get to her after she'd collapsed. I nuzzled down at her wrinkled foreleg, mindful of the tubes buried in the spindly green limb.
"Granny? How're you feeling?" I watched her eyes flicker open and focus on me.
"Hey there, young'n. A mite sore, and not just in the 'ol ticker. Why'nt you tell me things were so bad?" Granny Smith squinted at me. "I may be shakier than I used to be, but I'm still sharper than a newborn tack!"
"Ah...Ah wasn't sure how to tell you, Granny. Ah was afraid you'd take it badly. After Ah left, Ah think Mac must've felt the same. But...mostly Ah was ashamed Ah'd let things get so bad."
"'Let?' Fiddlesticks, Ah know how hard you and your brother work. If doin' things the old way wasn't workin' anymore, and that's all you knew, how much blame can you swaller?" Granny patted me between the ears, smiling.
I grimaced. "Ah should've thought up something new, Granny. You did! You found the zap apples. If Ah could have found something like that—"
Granny Smith opened her mouth, then winced, and I realize I was having an argument with a mare who'd just had a heart attack. Great going, AJ. "Never mind. We're working on it, Granny. It p-probably won't come to that at all. You just focus on mendin' okay?"
Granny gave me another pat. "Ah trust ya young'n. You've got all the spunk and heart Ah did back when Ah was a rip-roarin' filly, and then some!" She mumbled, snuggling down deeper into the bed. "Fetch me another blanket, Applejack, would ya kindly? S'a bit nippy in here."
There was one at the foot of her bed, so I unfolded it and spread it over Granny. She dozed back off within seconds, and I watched her rest for a moment, thoughts spinning through my head. I'd come so close to losing Granny, the last close family member I had that wasn't a sibling. Mac and I leaned on her quite a bit after Ma and Pa passed, and not just emotionally. Of course, in the back of my mind I'd known Granny wouldn't be around forever, but this close call was a slap in the face from a skeletal hoof.
I settled into a chair by her bed, and that's where Redheart found me an hour later, dozing. She plopped another bowl of oatmeal into my lap, tugged down my jaw and popped some pills into my mouth, then stuck a glass of water in my hoof.
"Thought you could get out of another mealtime by avoiding your room, eh? I'm onto you, young lady." Nurse Redheart winked, and clicked off down the tile hallway to give me privacy again.
I stared at the oatmeal. "Buck up, AJ. You're here to get better, and this is part of it. Y'don't want 'em forcefeeding ya, do you?" I shuddered at the thought, and spooned up the lightly-flavored goop. I couldn't quite finish it, but I declared it a victory all the same, and set the bowl aside.
Just a few minutes later, Mac arrived, Apple Bloom almost treading on his hooves. I held out a foreleg for her, but she hesitated a long few seconds before edging over to let me hug her.
"She's doin' better, but they'll keep her down here a spell 'til they're sure all is well. Then she'll go upstairs to share a room with me," I whispered.
Mac settled back on his haunches, and leaned over Apple Bloom to murmur back. "Ah...Ah should've told her. Sorry AJ. She goes to bed so early, and is—" he flicked his eyes down at our little sister, "—every night 'til she turns in, so there didn't seem to be any opportunity. Plus Ah worried. Ah'm a coward."
"If you are, so am Ah, but it's water under the bridge, and we have to move on."
"W-wouldn't have happened at all if it weren't for me," Apple Bloom croaked, and I looked down to find her face damp with tears. "I-I-I just keep foulin' up everything."
Mac and I hugged her together, trying to press our love right through fur and skin. "Just bad luck, sugarcube, that's all it was. Granny will be thrilled to see you when she wakes up, you'll see."
A new voice intruded, announcing itself with a touch of throat-clearing. "Miss Applejack? I'm sorry to interrupt. You have an appointment with me, just now. I'm Doctor Textbook, the resident psychologist."
I peered past Mac to see a short pot-bellied stallion with a bright orange mane and a peach-colored coat waiting for me.
"Go on, AJ. I've got things in hoof here." Mac shuffled aside to let me out of the rather cramped three-walled room, and with a friendly nod, Textbook led me back to the elevator.
His office proved to be in the basement, though there was a small window that let a beam of sunlight warm the room. The decor was a strange mix of colorful, foal-oriented objects and posters and sober gray-upholstered furniture. There was no massive desk like I expected, just a tiny table beside a filing cabinet.
Doctor Textbook waved me to a couch, and took a seat catty-corner to it. A plaque near the couch declared 'Textbook Definition' had received his certificate in psychology from a school whose name I couldn't pronounce, in Moonich Germaney. I took a seat on the couch, resting a foreleg along its back.
"According to your chart, Applejack—do you go by Applejack? I'm supposed to treat you for depression. I'm hoping I won't have to." He wrinkled his nose. "Fighting depression is like wrestling when you're neck-deep in molasses. It's exhausting."
I blinked. This certainly wasn't going how I'd expected. "Uh, if you're not going to treat me, then what the hay am Ah doin' here?"
"Oh, I didn't say I wasn't going to treat you. You know this time of year I see this kind of thing a lot?”
I raised one brow. “You do?” I couldn't recall hearing anything about anypony in town going through what I'd been weathering. But then, if they'd been as bound and determined as I'd been to keep it to themselves...
“There's a condition called seasonal affective disorder that comes on when the seasons change, but the transition from warmer weather to cold really seems to hit earth ponies hardest. Nature dies off or at best hibernates, and ponies with a strong link to the earth and what grows in it feel a loss, feel diminished. Some call it the 'winter blahs?'” He raised his brows, and I guessed he was hoping for some sign of recognition from me. I just blinked at him.
“Well. At any rate, I'm going to hazard a guess that something happened that brought on this depression. That's what I would like to address." He rolled a pen between his hooves. "When the kitchen's flooding, you turn off the faucet before you start bailing out through the window, right?"
I hazarded a nod, and when he said nothing further, I cleared my throat. "Hopefully yer already familiar with mah farm, just outside of town. Well, we've been doing poorly for a while now..." The story was getting easier to tell the more times I told it, but it was still painful relating it to a stranger who knew nothing of me or my history. All he knew about me was in my medical chart, and what I'd just told him. So in his eyes, I guessed I was a sick failure. Yep, that about summed me up.
"Okay, so financial troubles weighing heavily on your mind, obviously. You're experiencing feelings of guilt and blaming yourself for the straits you find yourself in, when there are two other adults in the household with eyes as good as yours and brains to match. Are you perhaps being a bit greedy with that blame pie, Applejack?" Textbook let his bushy eyebrows shoot up in what was probably an effort to goad a smile out of me.
I felt cold inside. "Ah feel like you're makin' light of this, Doctor. Ah'm responsible for the business side of things. That's the way it's been ever since Ah was old enough and Granny's eyesight got too poor for her to manage the books. Mac has the smarts to do the books, but he's wasted on them when he can do twice the work Ah can out in the fields."
Textbook scribbled in his notebook a moment. "So, you stopped eating well then started feeling sick to your stomach, you said?"
I felt a wave of weariness hit me. "Reverse that and you've got it right."
"Ah, mmm. You lost weight, lost interest in your usual hobbies, and you hid this all from your friends and family. Why do you think you did that, Applejack?"
"Didn't want to worry mah family. Didn't want mah friends tryin' to help, 'cuz Ah knew it'd be a waste of their time, and mine."
"But if you'd told everyone what was going on, they could have helped address the underlying cause, the failing farm, not just your depression."
"Ah..." My ears drooped. "Ah guess it was pride too. Ah could fix it and no one would know. Or maybe Ah didn't think anyone could help. Ah'm not sure."
More scribbling noises drifted across from the psychologist's chair. "And what's going on now?"
"Ah just returned from a mission for Princess Celestia, with the other Elements of Harmony. Ah discovered, in the middle of a fight, that mah l-lies had made me unfit to wield mah Element. Ah let mah friends down, and it was only luck and their skill that we didn't all end up eel food."
"Ouch, another blow to your self-esteem, and more guilt. You came clean with your friends after that encounter?"
"Ah did, and they pledged to help me with the farm. Ah dunno if it will be enough, but it's movement towards black ink."
"Well, I'm glad you have such a fine support network. Is there anything else?"
"If you noticed, that was mah Granny Ah was with in the ICU. She's there because...” I paused, waiting for the burning in my nose to subside some. “When she heard about the threat of the farm bein' sold, she suffered a heart attack."
Textbook winced, and underlined something in his notes three times. "Well, no better place to have a heart attack at least, eh? So, Applejack, I have some good news for you."
I trained my ears on him, and sat up a little straighter. "That would certainly be nice."
"None of this is your fault. It's bad luck, a horrible, suspiciously long string of it, but not your fault."
I stared at him, incredulous. What sort of doctor was this? Hadn't he been listening? He began to natter on but I couldn't pay any attention, my mind was so completely overloaded with the foolishness he'd just proclaimed.
I watched him get up, cross to the filing cabinet and draw out a form he scribbled on. He passed it over, then crossed to the door, opening it and standing there, holding it for me. That was clear enough. I walked out of his office without quite realizing I was doing it and heard the door click shut behind me, leaving me alone in the basement hall. Slowly, putting one hoof in front of another, I started towards the elevator, running through what had just happened in my head.
Had I just dealt with a bad doctor? Had he just done me wrong? Wasn't it more likely I was in the wrong? I certainly didn't have a degree from Moonich. Maybe it was part of some larger strategy, but wouldn't something like that be harmful to somepony already damaged?
Riding the elevator up, I remembered I was still holding the piece of paper he'd given me. I smoothed it out against the wall and deciphered the nigh-illegible mouth-writing. Apparently, I was supposed to follow the directions he'd given me and come see him in a week. Had he given me any instructions? I'd been so thrown there at the end I could have missed a lot.
Stepping out of the elevator at the first floor, I started encountering ponies again in the hall. Some would smile and nod greetings like anywhere else in town, while others were far too busy or distracted by their problems to bother with social niceties. It didn't seem to matter whether they were pleasant as could be or had colder shoulders than a yeti; I wondered if my problems showed through, now that I wasn't keeping my mask up.
True depression couldn't be common, or I would've known it for what it was when it came along. Of course I'd heard the word, but it was still a shock when Twilight used it to refer to me. If I was going to get depressed, seems like I would have gotten depressed after Ma and Pa had passed, not when the farm started going under.
I put my thoughts on pause as I drew up to Granny's little alcove. It seemed wrong to call it a room, when it lacked that fourth wall. She was sitting up in bed chatting with Mac, while Apple Bloom dozed under a spare blanket on the visitor's chair.
"Howdy all." I drew the curtain across the missing wall to give us some privacy. "What'd Ah miss?"
"Nothing to write home about, young'n. I found out how cold their bedpans are, and how sharp their needles are, and Mac told me how your friends are gettin' on at the farm."
I raised both brows at Mac, who nodded. "Twilight Sparkle harvested the last of the apples, stored 'em in the cellar. Fluttershy combed the entire farm and had a talk with every critter she found." He scratched the back of his head. "That lil mare's somethin' else. I don't think we're gonna have any pest problems for a long time. Rarity took a look around, made all sorts of funny noises,"
I couldn't help but snort, picturing that.
"...And will come back tomorrow with all the materials she needs to spruce up the cart and farmhouse. We'll need to take you out of here for an hour at least to supervise, if the docs let us."
"How's the food Pinkie's been bringin'?"
Mac licked his lips. "Uh, I might have to start plowin' someone else's fields too to stay trim."
"Can't wait to dig into those vittles. They've been feedin' me like I was a baby bird!" Granny mimed exaggerated chewing motions, then retching.
"How'd your appointment go?" Mac asked, pointing at the paper I was still carrying around.
The little smile that had started to take root died. "Ah dunno. It was strange. Definitely wasn't quite what Ah expected. Ah'm supposed to see him again in a week."
Granny waved a hoof around airily. "It's gonna take you awhile just to get your body back in fightin' form. Seems to me you should give your noggin at least as long. Prolly longer, with your hard head!" She shrugged. "Not'cher fault. Yer an Apple! Runs in the family."
Nurse Redheart nudged the curtain aside to peek in. "Applejack, we need to get you back into bed and put your IV back in, I'm afraid. Granny Smith, Doctor Steady Pulse will be by to check up on you in a minute."
I hunkered down to give Granny a squeeze, then followed Redheart upstairs. In no time I was bundled back into my bed. My nurse squinted at Textbook's form, frowning, before placing it on the bedside table.
"Somethin' wrong with it, Nurse?"
"It just...no, nothing wrong." Redheart swabbed my arm with alcohol and deftly slid the IV needle home again. "Just rest up. You're still in rough shape! I'll bring you some food in a bit."
"Lovely," I grumbled.
Mac slipped in when Redheart stepped out of the room, and I sat up a bit more.
"Still here, Mac? Y'should go home, get some rest."
"Soon. Wanted to tell you Horse came by t'day with his friend to do the appraisal." He planted his rump on the floor, and rested a foreleg on the bed, nestled beside mine.
"Oh. Uh, good. How'd that go?"
"AJ...it felt like strangers goin' through our family photos, pickin' and choosin' what would stay and go." Muscles in Mac's neck jumped as he clenched his jaw. "You know me, and it was so hard to keep quiet while they went on about improved this and depreciated that." His breath whistled through his nose, hot and fast. "AJ, we can't let this sale happen. We've gotta do something."
I couldn't stand the thought myself, but having the pressure of responsibility shoved back into my hooves made my head throb, and my throat felt like it was closing up. I couldn't let Mac think it was all on him from now on though; he didn't deserve that. He had always kept up his end of things and more.
"Ah know, sugarcube. The girls should make a big difference, and...well, we'll figure out the rest. Go sleep, Celestia knows ya need it." I tousled his mane. "Oh, and toss that sign in the barn for now."
"I, uh, never put it up. Didn't have the heart to, yet." Mac rubbed the back of his head and shrugged.
"Well, that's for the best I s'pose. Go on, get to bed." I shooed him off, but he lingered long enough to trade nuzzles with me before trotting off for home.
"I hope we can keep that sign in the barn..."
Nurse Redheart bustled in with my meal, giving me something else unpleasant to dwell on for a few minutes.