No wonder Twilight hated this place so much. You can spend forever floating in the darkness. What seems like lifetimes can pass you by in the blink of an eye, yet somehow move eternally slowly. It doesn't make much sense, it's too difficult to explain. The only thing that I bother thinking of is that just this in itself is it's own kind of torture. The idea of Twilight spending night after night experiencing this sickens me to my very core. She deserved so much better.
I hear her approaching. the hoofsteps echo endlessly. When I can finally, although vaguely, make out Darklight's shape her horn, which is still as ugly and deformed as ever, lights the area around us. Not much, just enough to see her. Upon seeing her I'm suddenly filled with rage, but the rage quickly subsides. I experience a multitude of emotions one after the other: Pain, sadness, and even a little joy. That sounds sick doesn't it? Really though, Darklight being here is the only thing that even lets me know that Twilight ever existed at all. 'She will always be in your memories, Fluttershy' they said, over and over and over again until I came to hate those words.
What is a memory, really? If Twilight were here she would explain to me, without even batting an eye, that a memory is the faculty by which the mind stores and remembers information. I swear sometimes it seemed like Twilight knew the definition to every word in existence. Maybe she did. I'll never know now, will I? Because of this big...Bully in front of me. I almost chuckle at my thoughts, they betray the old Fluttershy, the element of kindness. The one who would have settled for calling Darklight a bully. I know what Darklight really is though. A monster.
She looks so much like Twilight, so much like my lover. The worst part is I can't think of Twilight without thinking of Darklight. To me they are now one and the same and that's not fair. I tell her that. "It's not fair!" I shout at her. The monster only tilts her head, confused. She doesn't know what I'm talking about and that only makes me angrier. "It's not fair!" I repeat. She took everything away from me. "You took everything away from me!" I stomp my front hoof. "I can't even remember her without thinking of you." The last word stings my tongue, like acid. "Because of you every memory I have of her is tarnished! Can you even imagine what that's like!? No, you can't because you don't care about anything!" I always find something new that is 'the worst part' but I think this might really be it. They are one. To remember one is to remember the other and it's not fair! I can't even think back to the happy times without thinking of how much they look alike, so I'm left with nothing after all. Not even my memories.
I'm staring her down, braver then I've ever been. It's hard to feel fear when you've already been through so much. All these bad feelings inside me, they've been with me so long and now I just want to give up. The weight is lifted, suddenly. I'm resigned to my fate. What's so bad about it anyway? I'm going to suffer, just like I deserve. Then I'm going to die. The thought pumps hope into my empty chest. Dying sounds wonderful, because then we'll be together again. I'll fall down onto all four of my knees and beg for her forgiveness. I'll apologize again and again for not being able to stand there. For standing by and letting her die. For not doing anything, just like I've never done anything. Always somebody else saving me but when it really mattered I couldn't even save her; and now I can't even save myself.
"You are the twisted one, clearly." I return my focus to her and for the first time I really see her, without being blinded by emotions.
She looks different. Not well. Skinny, and weak maybe as though she hasn't eaten in a long time. As though she herself is sick. The thought almost makes me smile.
"Now you take joy in others pain? You are no longer even yourself. Think of what Twilight would think if she were ever to see you like this." You bitch.
"I don't have to worry about that, because she's dead." I spit back at her. Only because of what she just said I realize how different my voice is. There's not stuttering, there's no fear only anger. My voice so full of venom is something I never though I'd hear. I always imagined me coming out of my shell as a good thing instead I'm left wishing I was still inside of it. "What's it going to be?" I ask, almost daring her. "You gonna torture me, physically and emotionally? Going to make me kill myself, or hurt my friends? Go on. I don't care, I don't care anymore! Give me what I deserve and then let me go to her."
Darklight only shakes her head from side to side, as though she's disappointed. "You can't help me, not the way you are now?"
"Help you?" I ask incredulously. "Help you?" I repeat. "Why would I ever help you?"
"Because you want Twilight back." Her reply is so...Matter-of-fact and my heart skips I beat. Then I understand. That's how she was going to torture me. She was going to put me through trial after trial after trial dangling Twlight's revival at the end like a carrot to keep me going. Then, just when I thought that I was going to reclaim her it would all be taken away from me. Then I'd die from heartbreak. No, I've already died. This new me isn't me. I have to stop pretending. "I'll never help you." Is the only thing I say to her.
"I asked you once and I'll ask you again. If Twilight's dead how can I be here?"
I roll my eyes. "Even if Twilight were alive how could you talk to me?"
"Indeed. Truth be told I thought I'd failed. Thankfully I didn't. We were left to weak to do anything. Only fragments were left of what was once whole. Everything jumbled and confused. We had to separate the parts, or risk not being ourselves. I was quicker, stronger, Twilight's soul still recovering."
"Your not making any sense." I hate to admit it but my curiosity is piqued.
"The casket. Did you ever see inside it?" she asks and I shake my head. I was in no state to see Twilight's body. It was a closed casket. I can still remember watching as they lowered it into the ground though...
"Once you know I'm not lying, that's when I need to return. Until then I need...To rest..."
Then the darkness is replaced with light.
"Fluttershy, no matter what happens you can't!" this time it's Twilight. It's her voice, not Darklight's. My ears perk up and I start looking around. Even if it's only a dream, or a hallucination like earlier I want to see her. Please, please, please..."Some things can't, shouldn't, be undone!" She's struggling so hard to be heard. Weak... Darklight had said Twilight was weak.
No, no. None of this makes any sense. Just as I call out to ask for help the light disappears, and it's not replaced with darkness. Instead it's replaced with reality; and if I'm to make sense of anything I know exactly what I had to do next.