//------------------------------// // Remission // Story: Old Friends // by GrassAndClouds2 //------------------------------// The two ponies went, at Cheerilee's recommendation, to Berry Punch’s Bar and Soda Shop. They entered, placed their orders at the bar -- vodka and hay fries for Notary, cider and a carrot salad for Cheerilee -- and chose a quiet table in the back. The drinks came quickly, and Notary sipped hers. “Honestly, I was surprised to find out that you wound up here, Blackcherry.” “Why?” “You were always so rambunctious. I would have guessed that you would settle in a large metropolis with dozens of clubs, hundreds of bars, and thousands of potential suitors.” Notary smiled slightly. “Did you tire of that life?” “I suppose I just realized that I wanted something more stable.” Cheerilee smiled serenely. “Honestly, I still have a lot of fun. You couldn’t imagine how good it feels to see those students learning and understanding more about the world around them. We live in a fascinating land, after all, and there’s just so much to know! It’s always a joy to see them learn just a little bit more.” “There is indeed a lot to know,” said Notary. “Facts... skills...” she trailed off. “And sometimes it even matters.” Cheerilee frowned, but didn’t ask for clarification just yet. “There’s actually a few other things I want to ask you, though.” “The teacher needs more information?” Notary's smile grew. "And you always bragged about your superior academic performance." Cheerilee laughed. “Just because I’m a teacher doesn’t mean I know everything. Why, just last weekend a pony named Heavy Roller showed me how to repair a broken carriage wheel. I’m always learning, Natalia.” She smiled. “That’s good to hear.” “For instance, I learned who your previous employer was.” Notary froze. Cheerilee paused. She wasn’t sure she wanted to rock their friendship now, so soon after having made peace. But Notary and her former employer, the now-disgraced Duke Greengrass, had put the Elements through a lot of trouble in their efforts to obtain political control of the six mares. They had even targeted Cheerilee specifically, sending a magical lothario to try to seduce her and convince her to run off to Caneighda. Cheerilee knew that it might not have been Notary’s fault, as the Rushian could have been blackmailed or otherwise forced into it... but she thought that was unlikely, given what she knew of Notary. And she wanted to know the truth. “What I still don’t know,” said Cheerilee, “Is why.” “You knew my employer?” asked Notary. “Yes.” “For how--” “It doesn't matter,” said Cheerilee. “Stop. Just... tell me the truth. I want to know why my roommate tried to manipulate my life. You said you only recently learned about the marriage, so it wasn’t that. What was it?” Notary looked down. “You should already know, Blackcherry. How many times did I tell you what I... desired... to do in life?” Cheerilee sighed. “You always talked about wanting to matter, to be useful. But that doesn’t make sense. We both know how talented you are, Natalia. How many skills you have. With the skills we practiced, and your innate talents... you could do anything. Even become a Shadowbolt or spy, if you liked that kind of job. Or if you wanted to work for a politician, you could have picked a viceroy -- or even Luna. You didn't need to work for some Duke with delusions of grandeur.” Notary chuckled -- a harsh, dry sound. “For Luna? Nopony works for Luna.” It was such a strange statement that Cheerilee was momentarily flumexed. "...somepony ought to tell Luna that she's writing a lot of paychecks for no reason, then." "You know what I mean." "No, I don't. I mean, Trixie is Ponyville's Representative, and she--" “Does nothing of substance in that position!” Notary gulped the last of her vodka. “Luna is an alicorn, Blackcherry. She is omnipotent. She can do anything. There is nothing any of her staff does she could not do herself if she bothered. Luna could do everything Trixie does in her duties as Representative without expending the smallest amount of effort. Thus, everything Trixie does for that job is meaningless. It only needs to be done because Luna does not want to bother.” Cheerilee paused. “...Notary--" Notary waved for another order of vodka. “At first, I thought I could find something meaningful if I simply avoided specific careers. My family, for instance: I have two parents, two sisters, a brother, some cousins, and most of them are engaged in clerical work. I love them all very much, and I visit them often. But I looked at what they are doing with their lives... this one, fetching coffee for a businesspony. That one, typing up carbons for a minor noble. Her, running letters. Him, writing press releases. Another, a glorified maid.” She frowned. “They are all so intelligent. Many of them are smarter than I. And yet... none of them do anything that matters! They could all move to the Crystal Kingdom tomorrow, and I doubt anypony would notice! They have had no affect on the world whatsoever; nothing they do could not be done by other ponies. "And so I resolved to avoid that, to choose a more useful job... but then I moved to Canterlot, and I saw Luna in one of her public addresses. I saw her display her magic, and I read more about her powers in history books. I realized then that everything else I had considered -- general, businessmare, policemare, spy -- is just as irrelevant." She looked down. “I want to matter, Blackcherry. I want to do important work. I want to influence the world somehow. I should be able to! Everypony always told me how intelligent I was, how motivated and focused. I should be able to make some impact! But it would not be possible in Luna’s shadow. Luna can do anything I, or any other pony, can do. She is omnipotent; with a wave of her hoof she could have the world be as she wills it. If she decides tomorrow that all ponies should have six legs, two noses, and ears that can see, she could make it so with no more effort than you or I would need to blink. She allows the Court to exist, pays for an army of staff, in Canterlot and all over the nation, out of pity for those she has rendered irrelevent... or maybe just laziness. But I cannot live like that. Do you know what my cutie mark means, Blackcherry?” Cheerilee thought. Notary, like her, had been a blank flank in college, and the teacher hadn’t really examined her roommate's mark closely. She did so now, seeing a quill and parchment. “Writing?” “No." She shook her head. "It has been years since I told anypony what it truly means -- Greengrass encouraged me to let others believe what they wished about it. Apparently ambiguous cutie marks run in his family, and he liked the thought of me having one too. But look at it closely.” Notary slipped out from the booth. “A blank piece of parchment, and a ready quill. The tools of a stenographer, one who records other pony's deeds but does nothing herself. I obtained it when I was in the service of a writer, one desperate to finish his magnum opus before his imminent death, and who succeeded thanks to my help in organizing his research, taking down his notes when he was too ill to move, proofreading, even breaking into his office late at night to retrieve a file he had forgotten. I was happy when we finished, happy to make him happy, but then I saw that I had earned my cutie mark... and realized it was for nothing more than being a conduit to allow the world to see another pony's greatness." When she spoke again her voice was low. "I reject that talent. I will not be a mare who can only record the deeds of those greater than herself." “Natalia.” Cheerilee’s voice was soft. I can deal with her cutie mark angst later. This is more important. “I appreciate your desires. But they did not give you any right to hurt others the way you did. Did you think what would have happened to me had that pony brainwashed me? What happened to Carrot Top, or Lyra, or Octavia?” “I don’t claim to be a good pony.” Notary shook her head a little. “I never did. Maybe I am a bad pony... ethics was one class I was never very good at. But you asked why I did it, and I told you. I wanted to matter.” “...so you helped Greengrass, to try and overthrow Luna.” “Greengrass is not omnipotent. If he ruled the nation, he would need help only I could give him. My deeds would matter then.” Notary looked up at Cheerilee, her eyes blazing. “I helped him run Caneighda. I could help him run the nation -- I have the knowledge and the skills, and we could have moved Equestria into a new golden age, together. I couldn’t think of any better goal. To have that kind of influence, to usher in a new renaissance... I knew it was a long shot. He probably did too. But I had to try.” Cheerilee slowly nodded. “What happened to him, anyway?” “He lost his political influence after the Gala. He does not have the power to hurt you anymore, even if he wanted to. I can assure you he will never again be a threat to you or to other innocent ponies." “Good,” said Cheerilee. “He did bad things. You helped him.” She paused. “Why him in particular? If you wanted an ambitious pony, why not some other noble?” “He was the only one with the ambition and skill. The others... either pets content to be Luna’s lapdogs forever, or fools with no real hope of obtaining the needed power. He was the only one who had a chance, and now he’s gone.” She raised her glass morosely. “To the Duke.” “Natalia, he attacked me. And my friends.” “I know.” Notary shook her head. “But you cannot understand, Blackcherry. You don’t know what it is like to live in Canterlot. To be reminded, every time she passes you in the halls or shows up in Court, how little you are, how impossible it is for anything you do to matter. With one spell, she could feed everypony in the nation. Or cure every illness. Or teach every foal everything there is to know. Every single night, as the moon rose, I saw a reminder that the thing I wanted, to matter, just a little, was completely impossible." She paused. "Greengrass was not going to try to hurt her, Blackcherry. Just... obtain sufficient political power to force the Court to propose he be appointed Grand Duke, then run the nation for the duration of our lives. Make things grow where even Luna, it seemed, hadn’t been able to. That was all we wanted. Him -- to grow. Me -- to matter. Maybe we never had a chance... I don’t care. I had to try, and so did he.” "And that's why you hurt me, and my friends, and all the other ponies." Cheerilee locked eyes with her. "Because you wanted to matter. And you didn't think you could matter unless Luna were out of the way." Notary nodded. Cheerilee leaned back. “I appreciate you telling me, and I understand where you're coming from. But you’re wrong about something, Natalia. Other ponies do matter. Take me, for instance.” “I know that you saved the world.” Notary sipped her second vodka. “I mean no disrespect, but my understanding was that was largely luck, and that many ponies could have wielded the Elements-- including Luna Herself.” “I wasn’t referring to that.” Cheerilee shook her head. “Every day I teach my class something is a day they learn, and grow, and become better ponies. I’ve been teaching in Ponyville for years now, Natalia. I’ve taught many foals. I’ve had an influence on each and every one of their lives.” “Luna could do it--” “Sure, maybe Luna could have done it better. Maybe she could have cast a spell and poured knowledge into their heads -- I don’t know. But she didn’t. She wasn’t here. I was, and I was.” Cheerilee frowned. “I’ve influenced so many lives, Natalia. And all for the better. Those foals are building, and creating, and growing, and enjoying life, thanks to my influence. You did all those things so you could matter... but what influence have you really had? Greengrass is destroyed, and anything he was trying to grow is probably gone along with him. What can the world remember you for -- that you would want to be remembered for, anyway?” Notary was silent for a long moment. And then she said, “I know.” And she hung her head. Cheerilee had been expecting her to angrily defend herself, or protest. She wasn’t sure what to do next. “Natalia--” “No. You are right. I... I don’t matter, and I never could have mattered.” Natalia slowly got out of the booth for the second time. “All I have done is hurt ponies, and for nothing. I was a fool to think that it could have turned out differently. I am... I am sorry I wasted your time, Blackcherry. I never should have come here. I will file the remaining paperwork to erase our marriage, and you need never think of me again.” “Where are you going?” asked Cheerilee. “Back to Moscolt. I will visit my family for a while, and then look for work. I doubt news of my disgrace has reached Rushia. And with the upcoming war against the Tyrant, the military will need more clerical staff.” Her voice sounded completely broken. “Goodbye, and--” “Sit down,” said Cheerilee. Notary paused. “Sit. Down,” repeated Cheerilee. Notary slowly returned to her seat. “What now?” Cheerilee said, slowly, “Do you remember our adventures in college?” “Yes...” “All those ponies we helped -- Sunshine Grace and all the others. Natalia, we mattered. That mattered. Didn’t you see how happy Sunshine was when we got her necklace back? When we exposed all the rules Hard-Nose was breaking so he could be properly punished? When we beat back Ogre and his gang? That mattered!” “Others could have done it. We only did it because they did not bother--” “But they didn’t! Natalia, why is it so important that you do something nopony else could do?” Cheerilee shook her head. “Why can’t it be enough just to... to help others where we can?” Notary was silent for a long while. “If there is nothing I alone can do,” she murmured, “Then why do I exist? What is the point of any of it? To live, and love, and work, and know all the while that any of it could be done without you? Call me evil if you want, Blackcherry. I won’t deny it. But I want to matter.” “I won’t call you evil for wanting to matter,” said Cheerilee. She reached out a hoof and put it on Notary’s. “I just think you’re misguided, for not understanding how you already have. In good ways... and, yes, in bad. I can’t erase that. But you do matter, Natalia, and you always have.” Notary was silent for a few moments. “Am I one of your students now?” she said at last. “Just an old friend. Whom I think has made some mistakes... big mistakes, even... but still an old friend.” Cheerilee caught her gaze. “You are incredibly talented, Natalia. You know so much. You have an eidetic memory. You have such drive, and determination, and when you set your mind on something nothing can stop you. If you wanted to, you could do so much good in the world.” Cheerilee smiled slightly. “Isn’t that what you really want? Not just to ‘matter’, but to change the world for the better? I remember our adventures in college. I remember the smile you tried to hide once we got Sunshine Grace’s necklace back. I remember when we talked about being professional do-gooders after college, how even you couldn’t fully convince yourself it was all a joke.” She leaned forward. “I can’t deny that you lost your way, Natalia. But if you get back on the right path, you could help so many ponies, whatever career you choose. If that’s what you want? It’s possible, Natalia. I know it.” Natalia looked away. “I’m surprised at your forgiveness after what I put you through.” “I’ve made mistakes too. Like... when I contacted your family, to find your address a few months ago. That was how I found out you worked for Greengrass, because they gave me, as your address, his estate in Caneighda. But also... they mentioned how you had tried to write me after college. How I was so overwhelmed -- teaching foals is much harder than any job we ever pulled in the city -- that I kept putting off my responses. Maybe if I’d kept in touch more things would have been different.” “Wait.” Notary shook her head. “I may be... I have done bad things. They are not your fault.” “No, but as your friend -- as old friends -- maybe I could have done more.” Cheerilee shrugged. “I don’t know. We can’t change the past, and we’ll both have to live with what we’ve done. I just know that, even after what you did... there’s still good in you, and so much ability to turn that good into something that helps other ponies. If you just stop worrying so much about making sure nopony else can do what you do, trust me -- you’ll do so much that all the world will know your name.” Natalia wasn’t able to respond, but Cheerilee could see her soft smile in the reflection of the polished mahogany table. “Now. Where are you staying?” “I am not... I mean, I had planned to make you sign the annulment papers today, and leave on an evening train to return to Moscolt. I have no residence in town.” Cheerilee rose. “Alright. You’re staying with me for a few days, until you get back on your hooves.” “What?” Notary’s mouth dropped. “But -- but I cannot--” “Look, if we’re married, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with us sharing a house.” Cheerilee giggled. “Come on. Everything else aside... I really would like to catch up with you. And if you start lapsing back into your existential angst, I want to be able to hit you with a newspaper.” “Will you pour cider on me again?" said Notary. "After that one prom--" “Hey, the psych journal said that was a legitimate way to enforce discipline.” Notary managed a soft chuckle. “I wouldn’t feel right, Blackcherry. I’ve hurt you. And your friends--” “I forgive you, and they don’t get a vote who I bring into my house,” said Cheerilee. “Now, come on.” *** Notary paused as they stepped outside. “...I just realized, I dropped my saddlebag outside the schoolhouse.” “Was anything important in it?” "The annulment papers." Notary frowned. "They should be fine, unless the foals damaged them for some reason." Cheerilee hesitated. "Um..." *** "What do you mean, I missed out? I wanted to help Miss Cheerilee too!" complained Firelock. She was standing in her bedroom, looking upset. "I can't believe Mom grounded me today, of all days! On helping-Miss-Cheerilee day! It's awful!" Tootsie Flute shrugged. "Sorry. But we put together a big picnic lunch for them, and now they like each other!" She smiled apologetically. "All that's left is to return Miss Notary's saddlebag. Apple Bloom had it, but she's got chores now, so she asked me to deliver it. But I don't know where they are..." Firelock was already opening the saddlebag and rooting through it. "Apples... apples... hey, papers!" She took one out. "Annulment? What's that?" Tootsie Flute squeaked. "Annulment? That's what makes married ponies not be allowed to see each other anymore! I read about it in a book!" "So... this paper's why Miss Cheerilee was upset?" asked Firelock. "Well, then, I can help after all! I know what to do!" Tootsie Flute was about to object that it might not work quite like that when Firelock grabbed the papers from the saddlebag, dumped them onto her floor, and then began to charge her horn. It glowed brightly, almost seeming to swell with power, and then-- When the smoke cleared and Tootsie Flute could hear again, she was staring at a charcoal-coated Firelock, who looked rather abashed. "Okay, maybe I didn't know what to do." Tootsie Flute could only blink. "...at least the mean forms are destroyed?" Tootsie Flute put a hoof on her head. "Maybe your Mom should have grounded you for two days." *** "...I'm sure they're fine! But, just in case, I'll write the appropriate offices and get them to send replacements," said Cheerilee. "What could have happened to them?" asked Notary. "Oh, you know... Ponyville things. Anyway! Let me show you my house!" *** It was a nice house, Notary thought. Perhaps a few too many goldfish. But otherwise, she concluded, it was comfortable enough. “I can sleep on the couch,” said Notary. “What, as my guest? I’ll take the couch,” said Cheerilee. Notary raised an eyebrow. “...is this some scheme to get us to agree to both take the bed?” “Why, would you like that?” teased Cheerilee. Notary blushed scarlet. “Er...” Cheerilee laughed. “Just kidding! Seriously, though, you take the bed. You’re my guest. It’s only proper.” And so Notary found herself alone in Cheerilee’s bedroom, still struggling to comprehend all that had happened to her in the past few hours. Blackcherry’s being so friendly... like I’m back in college again... *** “Yay!” said Cheerilee, beaming. “We showed that corrupt officer who’s boss!” Truncheon was a Guard who often patrolled the university neighborhood. He had enjoyed hassling the students, giving them a hard time and taking any excuse to write them up for citations. He was pushing eighty and had a deep and abiding hatred of ‘foals these days.’ But he’d gone too far when Cheerilee had seen him taking a payoff from one of the slimier students, an older one who had come back to university after three consecutive businesses failed, who was widely suspected of dealing in crib sheets and term papers. And so Cheerilee and Notary had carefully set up a plan, carried it out, and Truncheon and the student had been tricked into conducting another payoff in full view of the Dean and a captain of the Guard. And the students wouldn’t be harassed by Truncheon anymore, and academic honesty was restored. Notary smiled briefly. “We did a good job.” “We sure did!” Cheerilee sprang up on her hind legs and dropped over Notary, giving her a hug and a peck on the cheek. “We’re awesome!” Notary laughed. “You’re feeling touchy-feely today, aren’t you?” “You bet! Let’s celebrate!” And they did. *** Notary carefully lay back on the bed. She suddenly felt very weary. Her rapid flight from Canterlot, her discovery of the marriage, her chase in Ponyville... it was exhausting, physically and emotionally. But at least she had a place to stay while she decided what to do next. “Thank the stars for old friends,” she said, and collapsed into a deep sleep.