//------------------------------// // Announcements, Initiations, and Surprises // Story: Pinkie Pie the Space Wolf // by The Red Angel //------------------------------// The Fang Great Hall The Space Wolves were assembled, waiting for the commands of their long-lost Primarch. They waited for about thirty minutes, when the massive oaken doors of the Great Hall burst, and a pink blur, their Primarch, and Bjorn the Fell Handed shot out like a cluster of missiles. Splinters of wood was flung everywhere, along with Space Wolves who were unfortunate enough to be too close to the doors. One of the poor Marines, a Blood Claw, the youngest of the mighty warriors of Fenris, had a fist sized chunk of wood lodged in his right eye. "Oh man!" exclaimed one of the other Youngbloods. "He's going to have a fucking sweet scar." While the Astartes were all whispering to each other, Bjorn had caught Russ and Pinkie Pie. "ALRIGHT YOU TWO FUCKWITS." he said "IT'S TIME TO CALM DOWN." Pinkie giggled, and Bjorn spun the claw she was holding on to. Leman was dropped like a ton of bricks, his armor dented the floors of the Space Wolve's Meeting Chamber. The Wolf King crawled out of the small crater his heavy butt made, and dusted off the chunks of wood and dirt coated on his armor. "WHEEE!" the party pony exclaimed. "This is so much FUN!" Leman Russ facepalmed for the upteenth time today. "WELL?" Asked Bjorn. "ARE YOU GOING TO SPEAK TO THOSE FURRY BASTARDS YOU CALL SPACE WOLVES?" "Can it Fell Handed." Leman retorted. Pinkie jumped into his face and frowned. The Dreadnought was happy as well, but he held his ancient tongue. "Be nice Russie!" She ordered. "You have to rally your men silly filly!" She pointed a hoof towards the increasingly confused legion. "These wild fighters need to hear what their grumpy pants papa has to say!" Pinkie smiled, and then began to laugh. Leman was pissed. He was getting ordered around by a damned Xenos! He was about to say something rude when he was interrupted by a familiar voice. DAMN IT LEMAN! It was his father again. YOU BETTER STOP BEING A RETARD AND SPEAK TO YOUR MEN, OR I'LL TURN YOU INTO A LITTLE GIRL AND SELL YOU TO A SLAANESHI SLAVE RING! Russ cringed. He did NOT want to be a slave owned by those freaks. With a groan, he began to address the bored men gathered in the hall. "Warriors of Fenris!" He spoke. "Space Marines!" The men were silent, but their attention was towards him "Today after nearly ten thousand years I have returned, and now we must prepare for the final battle!" The Astartes cheered. Pinkie pulled out a cannon out of nowhere and fired it, confetti and party streamers flew everywhere. "The xenos who fired the strange cannon, Pinkie Pie!" She waved. "My father has asked me to induct her into the Legion." Some of the Wolves began to murmur, and one of them spoke up. Ragnar. "My lord!" he spoke. "You are seriously allowing a filthy xenos to join the mighty Space Wolves?" Asked the interium leader of the Space Marines. Some of the other Wolves began to voice their concerns. Soon the entire hall was filled with shouting. "Shit." Leman thought. "This is NOT good. I better stop this." "ENOUGH!" He roared. "You dare question orders that I received from the Emperor himself?!" Ragnar smirked. "Brothers! This man is an impostor!" He taunted. "The real Leman Russ would never allow a Xenos to join us!" The roar of an autocannon filled the room. Ragnar was turned into Swedesian* cheese. His ruined corpse fell upon the floor. "CAN WE NOT?" Bjorn asked. "I KNEW THE REAL LEMAN RUSS, AND THIS ANNOYING BASTARD IS TRULY HIM." "Thanks Bjorn." Leman spoke. "SHUT UP ASSHOLE." He retorted. "NOW, CAN WE INITIATE THE PONY AND GET ON WITH OUR LIVES?" Bjorn revved the Autocannon again. "Of Course. Pinkie, can you come here?" Leman asked. The party pony's mane puffed up, and she stood right in front of him, a huge grin plastered on her face. "I seen this pony kill a Fenrisian wolf with nothing but her hooves." Leman spoke to his men. "WOLF!" replied the warriors. Leman facepalmed again. He continued. "She is truly worthy of our martial prowess!" The king howled, and the Wolves, along with Pinkie, howled with him. "Wolf Priests!" Ordered their Primarch. The priests walked towards him. "Let us begin the tests." The high pitched laughter of Pinkie Pie interrupted him. She had a strange looked cupcake in her hoof. With a smile, she devoured the treat. The pony started to twitch, her eyes turned wolflike yet were still the sapphire blue they always were. Fangs grew from her mouth, and her coat became rough. Pinkie Pie grew in size, easily the size of an guardsman. After the transformation, the pony howled. "THE FUCK WAS THAT?" Bjorn asked. The dreadnought stood there frozen. Leman was speechless, along with the rest of the Space Wolves. "Wolf!" except that retarded Youngblood. "Silly!" Pinkie spoke. "That was your Geneseed!" The massive pony belched, the acidic saliva of all Astartes splattered all over the floor. "That was cool!" She said. "How?" Leman Inquired. "How did you-" Pinkie poked him. "The Emperor gave me that before I left! He made it so that it'll work for me!" The pony jumped. "NOW I'M A SPACE WOLF!" Leman facepalmed, and the Space Wolves cheered. This is nuts.