Avoid Malnutrition: A Don't Starve Crossover

by Herr Director

Broken Dreams and Forbidden Knowledge.

If you looked at Bronium Chloride, you would see a number of things. Go ahead, look. Take a few minutes. Done? Good. If you looked at him long enough, you would see a gentlecolt. A scientist. A romantic failure. Bronium "Bronnie" Chloride had a black mane. His body was stark white, giving him a contrasting and sterile color pallet. He had gotten his cutie mark (A flask of green liquid) mixing together the chemicals under the sink. He put a little bit of bleach, a pinch of dish soap, and a cup of pipe cleaner and BOOM! New chemical compound invented! Of course, his parents were less than pleased at first. Bronnie grew up to eventually become an administrator at Princess Luna's Academy of Science. It was his dream to work at such a prestigious organization, and even more so to work alongside the love of his life. That's right, he was in love with Princess Luna. He desperately tried to win her affections, but was never very straightforward, and often chickened out before he could make any moves on his boss. This night, he was determined to change everything.
That evening in question happened to be the night of a faculty picnic at the Canterlot Gardens. Bronnie stepped through the gate with a stride in his step. He was brimming with confidence and excitement. Maybe that courage elixir he had concocted earlier DID work! But that was a small thing compared to what he was going to do. He was actually going to ask out the Princess! They were already friends, as Princess Luna made it her business to make friends with the entire faculty, so that was a start. Normal ponies could never dream of such a thing as asking out the Princess, but as we already know, Bronnie is not like normal ponies. In the center of the gardens was a small courtyard. A long rectangular table sat in the middle of it. Already, some of his colleagues were seated at the table. Princess Luna had not yet arrived. Bronnie looked around the table until he found a chair with his name. He sat down and chatted with his co-workers. Several minutes passed. At last, the Princess had arrived. She stood a distance from the table, and shouted in her Royal Canterlot Voice.
“THANK YOU FOR JOINING ME ON THIS FACULTY PICNIC.” She boomed. Even though she was rather far from him, the Royal Canterlot Voice was still very loud and uncomfortable to Bronnie’s ears. “IT MEANS A LOT TO ME THAT I HAVE SO MANY LOYAL EMPLOYEES. THOSE THAT HAVE BROUGHT FOOD MAY PRESENT IT AT THIS TIME. COMMENCE THE EATING OF FOOD!” She sat at the head of the table. A blush came over her face. “Forgive me for using the Royal Canterlot Voice.” she said. “The opportunities to do so are so rare and far in between.” This provoked laughter from everypony. The food was brought out. Bronnie inhaled the succulent scent of fresh bread and potato salad. Wait, he hated potato salad. He barely touched the food anyways. He was too busy thinking about afterwards.
After the meal, everypony stood up. Some left, while others walked the gardens. Princess Luna was talking with her secretaries. Bronnie saw his chance. He fondled the box of chocolates concealed in his bag He waited until there was a break in the conversation, and stepped into the group.
“Err, Princess Luna?” he said. He prayed she would notice him
“Yes Bronium?” she said, turning to face him. So far so good.
“I was wondering if we could, err, speak privately.” he said nervously. The potion must have worn off by now. “It’s a bit of a personal matter.”
“Of course, Bronium.” She agreed. She turned to the two other ponies. “Leave us, please.” They left the princess and the gentlecolt to themselves. Bronnie and Luna sat down on a bench that just so happened to be nearby. Score one for convenience!. “Now tell me, Bronium, what seems to be the problem?” she asked.
“Please ma’am, call me Bronnie.” Bronnie replied. “And it isn’t exactly a problem. You see, I’ve been working here for a while, and it really has given me a good chance to get to know other ponies. But,” he reached into his bag and presented the chocolates. “I find that the company I most enjoy is yours.” Tears welled up in Luna’s eyes. Tears of joy, he thought. That’s a good sign, right?
“Oh Bronnie,” the moon princess said. “I would love to, but there’s a problem.” Oh no, thought Bronnie. Here comes the kicker. Luna continued. “I'm a princess anyways, and it would be difficult to have a relationship with a subject. No offense. But that's not the big issue. As an alicorn, I live forever. You, however do not. That is the problem with me. I don’t want to get into any romantic relationships because I know I will lose that special somepony to the winds of time. If things were different, you know I would agree. But I will have to say no.” she finished sadly. Her tears had escaped her eyelids and rolled down her face.
“Oh,” Bronnie said. His heart was crushed and his mind was reeling, although he wasn't completely surprised. He stood up and shuffled away. “I guess I’ll see you next week then.” he mumbled as he went towards the exit He turned around one last time. “Keep the chocolates.” Tears filled his eyes now. He left the princess and the picnic, and the gardens behind. He hailed a taxi carriage to take him home, all without one word. He was depressed, more so than he had ever been before. But he wasn't about to give up yet.

The carriage arrived in the Everfree Forest just outside of Canterlot. Bronnie stepped out of the carriage and paid the pullers. He walked down the path to his home. It was a dilapidated old house, but it was home, and that's what mattered. Bronnie raced upstairs to his attic, or his lab as he liked to call it. Odd machines and bubbling brews lined the room in one corner was Bronnie's favorite antique velvet chair. He rushed over to one particular solution under the heater. It was a brew that would stop cell degeneration. In essence, eternal youth. Well maybe not eternal, but for a very very long time, and that was the important part. It was supposed to keep brewing for two more days, but they were only two days, it wouldn't make a huge difference, right? Bronnie took the elixir off the burner and took out a small phial of green liquid. Just add a drop of stabilizing compound and the elixir could be drunk straight away. Bronnie poured carefully. Carefully. Just a drop. There it goes, aaaaaannd BOOM! The mix exploded in Bronnie's face. The elixir was ruined The tears came back as Bronnie realized he had failed. There was no hope for him. Luna would never love him. He sat in his chair to mope. As he did so however, a voice called out to him.
"Hey, Pal," The voice was low and scratchy. Bronnie looked around the room until he found the source of the noise. A small device sat on a table. It had a speaker through which the voice came out through. Bronnie was confused, he sure didn't remember making anything like that. "Say Pal, looks like you're having some trouble." Bronnie walked over to the device cautiously. "I have secret knowledge I can share with you." Bronnie's ears perked up. Secret knowledge? Why that's the best kind there is! He grabbed the device eagerly and held it up to his face. "That is, if you think you're ready for it." Bronnie nodded frantically. Give me that knowledge! he thought. "Okay then!" the device said simply. Bronnie held the device over his head and squeezed his eyes shut as blueprints flashed before his eyes. There were so many wondrous machines. But there was one that caught his eye specifically. Yes that one, he thought. I make that machine, and Luna won't be able to keep her hooves off me!

So that's what he did. For the next few weeks, he worked day and night on that machine, the device feeding him the instructions. He had to use up most of his vacation days to make the blasted thing. At last, on a stormy night, it was done. The machine looked very peculiar, very much like a pile of junk. But, none the less there was a certain elegance to it. Bronnie flopped down in his chair. He had been though a lot. One part had even required his blood to make, but did he care? No! All that mattered was that he had done it.
and walked over to the machine "Excellent," the device congratulated. "Now throw the switch." Bronnie stood up and walked over to the machine. He then got a stroke of uncertainty. He didn't actually know what this machine did. He stepped away for a moment. "DO IT!" The box yelled, more aggressively than it ever had before. Bronnie jumped in fright and pulled the switch. The machine chugged to life. The top part rose up to reveal rows of wooden planks, making the upper portion of the machine look like an evil grin. "HA HA HA HA!" the voice laughed maniacally as black, clawed arms rose up out of the ground to grab Bronnie. He tried to jump out of the way, but the claws were too quick and dragged him into blackness. As lightnig flashed around the now empty home, one could faintly, but surely, hear the sound of evil laughter in the air...