The sunlight glistened against the glass on my nightstand. Once full of an amber liquid now only a little remained. I’d needed it to steady myself and to sleep. Lily hadn’t come by in the night, of that much I was sure. Acknowledging what I’d done left a dark pit in my stomach. When I took my head off the pillow I could see the stains my tears had left.
“Why are you still thinking about it?” I asked myself. But there wasn’t a thing I could do besides think about. All night thoughts of Lily had pestered me and wormed their way into the forefront of my mind. Eventually the process had led itself to a conclusion of being a giant mess and I fell asleep crying.
I sat up on the bed, hoping something would take my attention away from my thoughts. The Gala? The Gala was tomorrow, Rarity would have my dress ready by now. It had to be nearing noon at the least. How in Equestria could I look Lily in the eyes now? My mind grappled onto the image of her again. A single thought stood resolute and clear against the other chaos.
I like Lily. And it wasn’t even that I liked her as a friend, it felt deeper and more meaningful. There was only one thing it could mean, and that was love. I’d never been in love before. I’d liked ponies, but I’d never felt like this. I needed to talk with somepony, but Daisy was out of town and Lily was going to be a problem. She’d always accept me, however, no matter what I said or felt. Lily had said that before. I didn’t know many ponies besides those two, at least not well enough to bring this to them.
But just when I’d decided to talk to Lily, there was a knock at the door. I flopped off the bed, trotted out of my room and made my way to the door. There was another knock while I made my way.
“Who is it?” I asked.
“It’s Lily, Rose.” I bit my lower lip and opened the door. Lily stood on the other side, almost a reflection of me in the physical sense, but she seemed to glow emotionally. There wasn’t an easy way to describe it, but looking at her made me happy. “Can I come in?” I nodded and she walked by, taking care not to brush up too close to me. She sat down on one of the chairs I had, and gave a forced smile.
“Hey, Lily,” I said. A little life made its way into her smile.
“How are you feeling, Rose?” she asked. I looked away from her gaze and sat down across from her.
“Oh, I’m feeling better.” I wasn’t lying, but I didn’t feel good at all. Everything hurt. Lily just kept on being so empathetic towards me it made me feel awful for being so unkind to her.
“You sure scared me last night. I wasn’t sure whether I should get a doctor to look after you.” The air in my apartment was stuffy. I hadn’t noticed it before but it was very hard to move at all, especially with Lily here, increasing whatever pressure there was. I wondered if she felt it too.
“I’m sorry I freaked out, Lily,” I blurted out. I hadn’t meant to say anything yet and was still contemplating my next action.
“Rose,” she said slowly and carefully. “I understand what you’re going through. It’s okay.” Did she understand? Of course she could, she had to have gone through this once on her own. Had she had a Lily of her own to help her?
“I don’t think I’m going through anything,” I muttered. Lily was the shrewdest pony I knew and she could see through me.
“Rose, I want to ask you a question. Is that okay?” I shook my head. Lily had a pained expression, it made me feel sour again. “Roseluck,” she said again. when Lily used my full name, I knew she was serious. “I just have one question. It’s very important, I think, for the both of us.”
“What’s the question?” I mumbled. I didn’t want to know what she thought, in case she was angry at me. I couldn’t handle her being angry at me right now, not Lily, not ever.
“Do you think you like me?” She asked in the calmest voice I’d ever heard. It was pristine, idyllic, like were weren’t here in the cramped apartment on a single mare that didn’t know who she was anymore. I didn’t say anything, hoping the silence would answer and that Lily would be happy with whatever she heard.
She wasn’t, however. Lily frowned at me, weakening my resolve.
“I don’t know,” I said. Her frown did not let up.
“Are you sure you don’t know, Roseluck?” I didn’t want to think on it while she was here. “You can trust me, Rose.” She was back to calling me her friend. A few more words and we could hug again probably. I was in a limbo of wanting very deeply to embrace her and to get as far away as I could.
Lily had a sadness in her eyes. She wanted nothing more than to help me right now and I was letting her down. How soon, I wondered, until she gave up on me and left.
“I know something’s the matter, Rose. I don’t know what I can do to help you.” I wanted to bury my head in the chair’s cushions. If I couldn’t see her she couldn’t see me. “I’m your friend, and I always will be. If last night was my fault please tell me, Rose. I just want to see you happy.” I did want to answer her in some way. I would say anything now to make her happy. Lily had never been this depressed around me.
“I...,” I stalled. Just a moment ago it had seemed easy to talk about how I felt, but now words seemed to fail me. Lily realized my hesitance immediately.
“We’ll always be friends, Rose. No matter what.” I wanted to cry again, but I knew I couldn’t. For my sake or for hers I had to keep it together. She deserved the truth.
“I do,” I said, trying my hardest to seem confident. Lily just nodded, and sat back a little deeper in the cushions.
“What do you think about that?” She asked. The fur along my neck prickled.
“I think mares liking mares is fine,” I said.
“Do you think you liking mares is fine?” She’d seen through my wide answer. It was no good not to be direct around her. I shuffled nervously in my seat. We’d been friends for years now and I’d never felt quite this uncomfortable.
“Lily,” I tried to fight her questions off, “Shouldn’t we get my dress for the Gala?”
“It’s not good to bottle things like this up, Rose,” Lily said.
“I’ve just never thought of myself with a mare,” I said, somewhat honestly.
“There’s nothing wrong with two mares or two stallions in love, Rose.”
“I didn’t say that there is,” I said quickly. She motioned for me to let her finish.
“And when I say that, I mean there’s nothing wrong with one of those mares being you, Rose.”
“But what if I don’t...?” She shrugged.
“I can’t answer that for you,” she said flatly. I guess she couldn’t. She cleared her throat. “What do you think about?”
“What do you mean?” My eyebrows raised.
“Surely you think about something, or somepony, when you...” She looked around nervously.
“When I... do what, Lily?” I wanted to pretend so hard that she wasn’t insinuating what I thought she was. There was no way she’d talk about that now.
“Just something everypony does, Rose.” She was talking about that. I crossed my legs and blushed.
“Lily!” I shouted. She was doing her best not to blush too.
“It’s not easy for me to talk about either, Rose,” she said, “But I think it’s good for you to talk about it.”
“But do you need to know about what I do when I’m doing that?” She looked away too.
“Well it wasn’t my first topic of choice...,” she muttered. It wasn’t like it had to be any particular thing either when I became intimate. It could be anypony. It could even be Lily. My blushing intensified.
“It’s only fair that you go first,” I said.
“That’s fine,” Lily said with a sigh of relief that some of the tension was leaving. “I think about mares.”
“What kind of mares?” I asked.
“Pretty mares, Rose,” she admitted.
“Am I a pretty mare?” I asked quickly. Whatever tension had left was back with friends. But Lily was made of something stronger than I.
“You’re a beautiful mare, Rose.” My insides melted knowing she thought I was pretty, let alone beautiful. I’d always thought the same, deep down, about her. Lily started staring at me intensely. “Now you need to tell me what you think about,” she said, “To be fair and all.” I wondered if there was a different reason she wanted to know.
“Oh, you know,” I said, trying to act casual about it. “I just think about normal things.” Lily snorted.
“Normal things? You like to imagine you’re gardening?”
“Well no, not that normal,” I shyly. Lily smiled coyly.
“Come on, Rose. I’m sure you have some sort of kink that you like to think about.” She was being incredibly playful. But what did I think about, really, and how could I tell her?
“I just think about things that feel nice,” I admitted. I could feel the heat from my cheeks, and as ridiculous as it was I was sure Lily could too. It made me want to bury my face in the couch again. All Lily did was roll her eyes.
“You’re telling me you don’t visualize some young stallion or lusty mare just-”.
“Lily!” I cut Lily off, yelping.
“I’m just trying to be real, Rose,” she said reproachfully. “And it’s a little bit fun to wind you up,” she added. “I could go into more detail about what I like to give you some ideas.” I shook my head rapidly. Surely she wouldn’t, but she did anyway. “Whenever I get in the mood, there’s a young, excited mare ready to be ravished by yours truly.” I could feel the room getting warmer and warmer as Lily went further into her dreams and desires.
“I think we need to get my dress,” I squeaked. Lily snapped out of her dream-like stupor.
“Are you sure you still want to go to the Gala?” she asked. I nodded. “Remember, there’s going to be a lot of ponies there.”
“If I can manage being in this room while you talk about your ‘kinks’ I think I can handle a crowd for a night,” I said confidently. Lily beamed.
“Rose, you are growing into a fine young mare!” she exclaimed.
“We’re the same age,” I said bristling with a little indignation.
“Not in my fantasies you aren’t,” she giggled. I covered my eyes with my hooves. There was no way in Equestria Lily had just admitted to thinking of me that way. I heard Lily get up and creep over to me. “Let’s just get your dress, shall we?” I nodded. I followed her lead and we left my apartment side by side.
Rarity’s boutique was open but devoid of customers. We found her sitting in the atrium next to a white and purple filly, probably a cousin. Rarity was listening to the younger pony’s story when we trotted in.
“And then Applebloom thought the best idea would be to make our own fireworks because nopony would sell them to us,” the filly explained excitedly. Rarity was the opposite of excited.
“Let me talk to Applejack about that before you begin, Sweetie,” she said. Her head turned to us when I closed the door. “Run along for now,” she said to the filly. She trotted over and smiled brightly. “It took a little bit of time but your dress is completed.”
“That’s great, Rarity,” I said. “I can’t wait to see it.” She nodded.
“Of course, of course, just follow me upstairs, I want to see how it fits.” Lily and I followed her back to the fitting room of yesterday. On one of the mannequins was an elegant, sapphire blue dress. The chest piece shaped up to the neck with a brilliant heart, the edges inlaid with sparkling gems. From the back the dress flowed to halfway down the mannequin’s tail. Rarity picked up the dress and floated it towards me. I plucked the dress from the air delicately and slipped it on. It fit against my body snugly. I felt, to put it lightly, beautiful.
“This is amazing, Rarity,” I said exuberantly. “Please, let me pay you for it.” Rarity held up a hoof.
“It was my pleasure, Roseluck. And besides, you’ll need all the bits you can to get a hair appointment.” My jaw dropped, I’d forgotten about my mane. It had been washed at the spa but for the life of me I couldn’t style it. Before I knew it I was biting my lip nervously. What ponies could style manes? Lily caught my eyes with a smirk.
“Relax, Rose. I’ve got it all taken care of,” she remarked smoothly. My brow furrowed.
“Are you going to take care of it the same way you did at the spa?” Lily snickered.
“Nope. I’m going to style your mane for you.”
It wasn’t that I didn’t trust Lily, but I wasn’t sure she could style manes. Admittedly she worked on hers more than I worked on mine, so she must know something. I slipped off the dress so Rarity could put it on a hanger for me to take home. She put it in a dress bag that would protect it in the closet which I offered to pay for as well but she declined again.
Once again Lily and I were walking through Ponyville, but with a dress slung over my back like a saddle.
“Can you really style manes?” I asked. Lily chuckled.
“I sure can,” she said, “And so you don’t have another panic attack, the tickets came with carriage ride to and from Canterlot so we’ve got that covered too.” I hadn’t even started to worry about the transportation either. Lily was some sort of a miracle worker when she thought ahead. “You hungry?”
“I think I know where this is going,” I said jokingly. Lily bumped into my playfully.
“Oh come on, Rose. The food was in earnest, I promise that much. You just looked so cute on the couch...,” she trailed off. I was happy that Lily being into me was getting some sort of normal. I didn’t feel sick at least, which was a great start. It also made me wonder what Lily would have looked like in my position. Would I have kissed her?
“Do you want to get something to eat?” I asked her. She shrugged.
“We could eat at my place again and then I’ll do your hair.”
At Lily’s place I had a change of heart. It turned out that I wasn’t so hungry, but nervous instead. I told her that and she contemplated it, noodles still hanging from her muzzle. She had just reheated what was left from last night.
“It’s fine to be nervous, Rose. You can have your mane styled by a lesbian mare without it being awkward.”
“I was thinking about the Gala,” I said, lying. Lily took another bite of pasta.
“Oops,” she murmured. “Well excuse me for having naughty thoughts.”
“You weren’t this sexual before,” I noted.
“The floodgate has been opened, Rose, and to be fair maybe you just didn’t notice it.” I scrunched my nose, thinking. It seemed like Lily had always, in a sense, been a little more friendly than any other pony.
“I guess.” Lily picked up the dish and carried it off the kitchen. When she returned she had a devilish grin and fire in her eyes.
“I hope you’re ready to be cared for, Rose,” she said with a maniacal laugh. Lily pranced out of the room, towards the bathroom, giggling all the while. I followed her after a second’s delay.
Lily and Daisy’s bathroom was filled to the brim with beauty supplies. I had no idea how the two mares knew which bottle, spray, or lotion was whose. One entire wall was taken up by a counter and full length mirror. Lily was preparing scissors, rollers, and plenty of sprays. She was eyeing me suspiciously.
“Are you sure you can do this?” I asked warily. She waved me off.
“You need to put your trust in your dear friend, Lily.” I walked into the room and took my place next to her, in front of one of the two sinks. “I think I’ve got a good look for you in mind. There was a long photoset a while back of manestyles from the Canterlot wedding. I really think you’d look good in one of those.” Lily turned on the water, looking for the right temperature.
“How are you going to style yours?” Lily shrugged.
“Haven’t thought about mine, Rose. This is about you.” I grumbled something in reply. Lily really needed to think about herself more. Lily put a hoof on the back of my head and dipped my head into the warm water. I wished I’d had time to get a breath before she did it, but luckily she didn’t take long. When she took the hoof off I came up gasping for air.
“That’s wasn’t very nice,” I snapped. Lily frowned sheepishly.
“It’s the best way to stimulate the scalp, Rose,” she explained, “I read it in a magazine once.”
“What kind of magazine?” I asked. She didn’t say anything to that. She merely tightened the strange, black cloak she'd placed around my neck. Lily took care to make sure that it kept under my mane so she could get at it. Then, with much apparent joy, she picked up a long pair of scissors and a comb.
“Are you ready?” she asked. I nodded. There wasn’t much I could do to get out of it now. Lily worked diligently. Cutting, combing, moving and snipping my mane. The din of running water and snipping scissors filled the bathroom with an echo. I couldn’t even keep my eyes open to watch her. One reason because I didn’t want to get stray hair in my eye, the other because secretly I was worried it was going to look awful.
Luckily she didn’t take long cutting, and instead started placing rollers in my hair. She placed them between my ears and a few in the mane along my neck. Finally Lily put a hoof on my shoulder and let out a contented sigh. I opened my eyes slowly. The haircut wasn’t bad, but I wasn’t sure it was good in its current state. I’d have to see it in the morning. Lily stepped back.
“I love it,” I said with provocation. Lily had another mischievous look about her. “What?”
“It’s time for you to learn how to dance. With me as your teacher. Meet me downstairs!” She turned and trounced off towards the living room. I scrunched my muzzle at the prospect of learning to dance with Lily. It was worrying enough that I could freak out at any second, due to the close contact and my feelings still in turmoil even though I’d forgotten them momentarily. I knew that they could return at any second and sweep me off my hooves.
In another room I could hear the scraping of wood on wood, the furniture being moved into different locations. I started to walk, but my knees were shaking. I hadn’t danced in years and never well. Lily had moved all the furniture in the living room to the walls, giving us a large enough space to trot about in. She was panting slightly when I walked in, her eyes looking for something. I was halfway across the room when she spotted it.
Lily bounded to one corner of the room and dug deep in a chest of clutter. Out of it she pulled a small music box.
“That’s a pretty box, Lily,” I said. It had ornate, multi-colored carvings on a white, wooden surface. When she opened the latch that held the cap on music began to pour out, filling the room with a classical vibe. Music boxes were my favorite part of unicorn magic. Somehow they captured entire symphonies within boxes and crystals. But I couldn’t stay focused on the box forever. Lily had put it down and moved closer to me.
“So, Rose,” she began, “where do you want to begin?” My hoof was scuffing the floor, mixing with the sound of music.
“I don’t know?” I hazarded. Lily looked at me playfully.
“Come on, Rose, you know how to do some moves don’t you?”
“I can stand still pretty well.” Lily stepped up, face to face with me.
“You need to stand up, Rose,” she ordered.
“But I am.” Lily massaged her temple, frowning.
“Not like that,” she said. “You need to get out there, do things!” She walked around so that she was next to me, nuzzling my neck. “You’re a pretty special pony, you know that don’t you?” Personally I hadn’t really known or thought that but she didn’t need to know that much.
“I am?” She nodded. “Why?” Lily always had a way of letting me know that I wasn’t being the mare she knew I was, whatever that meant, and she was doing it now. I turned my head away from hers, but it was still rubbing on my neck.
“Because you’re my best friend, that’s why. And you are a beautiful mare.” My heart skipped when she said I was beautiful. Why did it feel that way to hear her say that? It didn’t make any sense. She’d talked like that before, but it’d never made me feel this way. “It’s true. You can’t hide that fact that you’re good-looking.” I turned my head back and she continued nuzzling. “This isn’t awkward to you, is it?” She said. Her head reeled back quickly. “I’m sorry if I was too weird, Rose.”
“N-no,” I blurted out. “It was fine,” I said more calmly. It was nice to have Lily close, she was a great friend for helping me whenever I’d needed her. And it made her happy to be close with me and frankly it made me happy too. With that she walked towards the front of me and stared me in the eyes.
“Okay, Rose. No more beating around the bush. I’m going to teach you how to dance. Dancing is all about feeling with the music. Now watch me.” Lily stepped back and starting moving her body rhythmically. She picked her hooves up and waved them around, all of it making no sense to me at all. It was going to be a rough night.