//------------------------------// // [Skippable] Stallion Whores Episode IV: Return of the Ship: Ship Hard With a Vengeance: zombiehunter4579/Deathprize88 // Story: 113 Extremely Short, Incredibly Horrible, & Shamelessly Bizarre Slashfics, Plus 1 That's Just Plain Insane, Not to Mention a Character Uprising, a Bomb Threat, a Few Optional Stable Time Loops, a Foalnapping, & Additionally Saving the World // by Super Trampoline //------------------------------// The team burst into action. The powerful unicorns gathered their magics together and teleported all the ponies of Ponyville into fields a good ways outside of the city, where it was highly doubtful bombs were planted. Unsurprisingly many citizens were confused. Twilight left Luna and Cadance in charge of assuaging them of their fears. ''My little ponies,'' Cadance began in a Royal Crystal Empire voice, ''we are gathered today here in these fields because... reasons. There were murmurs among the thousands of occupants of the lands. They looked scared. Cadance tag-teamed Luna, who continued. ''Please, calm yourselves. We assure you that you are in good capable hooves, and that we have a team of experts working around the clock on resolving the situation as we speak.'' Applejack strode up to her. ''Your Majesty, should I gather The Elements?" Luna patted her head condescendingly. ''No, Honest Applejack Apple. I don't believe The Elements of Harmony would be of much use for these headcases. Besides, didn't we put them in a tree or something? I believe our friend Twilight and frienemy Discord have a solid plan of action. However, if you could have Loyal Rainbow Dash gather the local weather crew, I believe we have a very important task for them.'' ''I'm on it Princess!'' shouted Rainbow, who was very clearly eavesdropping. Some time later, under Rainbow's instructions, the brave pegasi took to the skies and swept the surrounding area. Eventually, it was Cloud Chaser who spotted their target: a gaudy yellow alicorn OC and a tall pink-skinned ape-like creature, wearing what looked to be paramilitary clothing. With lots of illegal stuff in his possession. She activated the mana-infused gemstone on her necklace, which acted like a homing beacon for Twilight ''My Horn Has Great Reception Up Here in the Clock Tower'' Sparkle. The alicorn in turn cast a powerful spell which set the gemstones on the necks of all the other pegasi blinking. The signal had been sent out: time to return to the base. Twilight memorized the coordinates of Cloud Chaser, did a few breathing excises, and then *PSTHCHAAAZZZ!* she was gone, having teleported away with Discord to spring the trap. ''Hey, listen up you little shits!'' The two figures standing there in the Everfree forest arguing paused to turn their heads towards the interruption. Nostrils flaired, ears canted back, wings erect. There, not twenty feet away from them, stood a very pissed-off Twilight Sparkle. ''Well well well, look who finally decided to show up'' cackled the human, reaching to pull something from his belt holster. The yellow alicorn named Death Prize just stood there wide eyed. *BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG!* Zombie Hunter rapidly fired off six shots from his gun. *ping ping ping ping ping ping!* They ricocheted harmlessly off of Twilight's hitherto invisible force field shield. Twilight growled and scowled. ''Did you really think I'd bring a feather duster to a knife fight?'' ''Oh, my sweet little princess, you underestimmmmmphhhmhmhpthth!!!'' Twilight had magically zipped up his mouth in comedic fashion. ''You bitch, you threatened my little ponies. And you!--'' she pointed an accusatory hoof at Death Eater, ''are an Alicorn OC! Unless you have one helluva fan-fucking-tastic backstory, that is JUST as heinous of a crime!'' The two evil-doers looked at each other and shrugged. She continued. ''So, unless you two want to atomized very painfully, you will do exactly as I say. Capisce?'' Zombie Hunter unzipped his lips and spat. ''And just what might that be, dearest princess?'' ''I want you two to stand facing each other'' Twilight demanded. They obliged. She started to chuckle maniacally and yelled, ''Now kiss!'' The two criminals stared at her blankly. She blushed. ''Um well, you interrupted my anti-shipping conference. I thought it would be ironic. But it kind of sounds stupid doesn't it?'' ''Yeah. Yeah, it does,'' Death Eater said. ''No matter,'' said Zombie Hunter, shifting into a fighting stance. ''I'll just kill you now.'' The battle was brutally short and one sided. Before the two could even react, Twilight blasted them with a directional translocation raybeam. A technicolor swirl far more brilliant than Kodachrome© prints sprayed toward them. When it made contact, it was like a surging tide, hammering them backwards through the air... ...right into the pocket dimension Discord had set up behind them. He quickly proceeded to tug on the mouth of the portal (technically a worm hole) which was lined with string theory. He grabbed and tightened the string, pulling the opening closed. He then double knotted the string. Then triple knotted it again, just to be on the safe side. All that was left to show of the confrontation was a knot of PhD-level-math bobbing gently in the air. "So, is that it?" Twilight asked. ''Yep,'' Discord responded. "Wasn't it just peaches and cream?" He produced a round red button from hammerspace and pressed it. "That was easy" a male voice declared. "Huh, where are we?" asked the alicorn. There were strange, misproportioned creatures that sort of but not really resembled ponies crawling around and stiltedly chatting about inane crap. As the portal closed, the two prisoners could be heard screaming. Discord stuffed the pocket dimension in his pocket to take to Princess Celestia. He and Twilight shared a brohoof. Mission accomplished.