I just wanted to go to Equestria!

by Ditz

Deal with It

The message goes through my mind for the 1,338th time -not that I’m counting- I could easily ignore it, but its implication alone keeps me thinking.

“…And then I said! No, I don‘t have any, and then he said…”

Does this person really know where she is? They weren’t specific, but this certainly brings me hope, in a very slight way.

“… Pat?”

But how did they know of me? They must have seen me somewhere…

“…Paaaaatriiiiick!”

Ah, screw it.

“… Lemon!”

“Ah!” I jolt off my seat and see my bowl of soup fly upwards, only to land facedown on the middle of our table, I cover my eyes, and as expected, a huge amount of the food hits my face… While Pinkie retains the same posture and only glares at me with soup on her face and clothes.

“What’s wrong? You’ve been quiet, and YOU are not the quiet type at all, are you sick? Feeling bad? Feeling down? Do you need a song?”

“No!” I interrupt her before she begins dancing, I leave my hand up as I clean the mess of soup off my face and clothes with the other. “It’s just something from class and…” Oh yeah… “Something from class,” I finish, refraining from telling her about my meeting later… If I bother to go. I still don’t have a good idea of what it’s all about, in any case, getting Pinkie involved isn’t really in my bucket of ‘good ideas’.

“Um… Okay, but you better not be lying, mister! You know how much I hate lying!” and all I would get is a hole in my chest due to constant poking… On second thought, that doesn’t sound too fun.

“Yeah, yeah,” I reply nonchalantly, silently weeping for my spilled soup.

“Oh yeah, I’ve been meaning to ask you. What are you gonna do this summer vacation?” I jump a bit at the question, I hadn’t really imagined I would be staying here a week, much less actually a whole summer’s worth of break.

“I don’t know yet,” I admit. “I hadn’t really thought of it much… Why? Do you have something planned?” I ask already knowing the answer for it.

“Of course!” She takes out a huge list containing a whole line-up of things to do -involving things like swimming and going bowling- it’s quite an extensive one, after reading throughout the contents, there is a final line that seems slightly out of place.

“Huh?” I rub my eyes and read it aloud. “‘Would you like to come with, Lemon?’ Wait, what?” she puts her hand around my shoulder and pushes the side of her face against mine, a camera pointed at the both of us, the flash makes me momentarily blind while Pinkie releases pounds of confetti into the air… I feel sorry for the custodian who has to deal with that mess.

“Of course! I know we haven’t known each other too long, but you are a nice guy, I can see that, and you seem fun, even if you can be a grumpy Mc.. Grumping pants! And overly negative… And… Um… I think I was trying to say positive things…”

“Geez, thanks,” I say, playfully pushing her, she looks at me with a huge smile and nods satisfied.

“You are welcome! So, you wanna come with?”

It’s odd how this makes me think… From the first time I met Pinkie, I saw her as nothing more just a ‘friend-like’ figure more than an actual friend, but now I‘m not so sure…

“I’ll… Think about it,” she looks a bit disheartened by my response, so I quickly add to it. “Don’t worry, it’s really leaning towards me actually saying yes, missy.”

“Yay! I can’t wait for it!” she says excitedly. Her celebrations is interrupted by a bell, and the rest of the kids get up and start heading towards the next class. I watch as Pinkie grabs her bag and waves goodbye as she runs for her own on the opposite side of my own.

I begin my walk back to my own class with that same thought in mind… I’m not the deepest thinker in the world, but I think I should have someone to confide with here in… This bastardization of the Equestria I love… Or some other deep shit, I mean, it’s obvious she thinks of me as a friend, so… Argh!

Whatever. For now, I have some remedial classes to take.

“… Alright, but call me if you need a ride home, alright?” says the woman at the other end of the line.

“Yes, mom, thank you, I‘ll see you later.”

“And don’t do anything bad, that Pinkie girl sounds nice, but you are both still in High School!”

“Loveyoutoobyelater!” I say, hanging up before she can go on a tangent. I look in front of me and see the soccer field in its full glory, kinda weird how it’s a ‘soccer’ and not ‘football’ field, wait, what’s the difference…? Ugh, I was never one for school sports, much less ‘sport’ sports.

Well, no going back now… I must be brave, or just plain stupid… Probably the latter.

As I reach the field, I notice that there is no one there, probably due to finals being close, sorta begs the question of why I’m not studying instead of doing this. Whatever, that’s what summer school was made for. I reach the bleachers and decide to sit down, I gaze towards the school, bathing in its glorious perfection- Okay, I’m bored.

“I see that you came…” I hear a voice from under me, I run down and make my way around the seats, heading to the back of the bleachers, where I find myself with someone I didn’t expect to find.

“Aww! I thought it had been Sunset Shimmer!” I pout as I find myself face to face with Mr. Rocker himself; Flash Sentry.

“W-what? What’s wrong with me being here!?” he says obviously surprised by my very justified reaction.

“Whatever, I’m outta here,” I say without reserve, today was a VERY disappointing day… I at least give it points for the nice twist it threw.

“Wait! I’m here because I can tell you where you can find that, er, person, you are looking for!” I turn around lazily, noticing an odd pendant hanging from his neck, moving all over the place… It’s shiny… I like shiny.

“Hello?”

“Oh, er… I know you want to offer me something, but I don’t care, I’m not going to help you… Even if it means not being able to see her…” I respond with effort. This isn’t making me cry inside… Gotta keep telling myself that.

“Even if it means spreading the truth about your friend?” wait… What? “Oh? Caught your attention, didn’t I? Yeah… That Pinkie Pie girl… She hides a secret that you don’t even know about, but that I ‘may’ know,” he explains, wiping his knuckles on his jacket mockingly. I think there is something wrong with my vision, because Flash’s face has a target over it… I feel like punching it. “So… Is that a deal? And I’ll even throw my initial offer free of charge… What do you say?” well… I guess I can’t really let Pinkie’s secret -whatever it is- out.

“Fine… But why are you doing this, Flash? You don’t seem like the type of person who can be such a jerk…”

“Ugh… Things… Change,” he replies, holding his head as if in pain… Weird. “So we have a deal, then?” he continues as if the pain hadn’t been there.

“As I said, yes. What do we have to do?”

“I think you mean ‘you’, I’m not going, but don’t you worry, you aren’t going alone. Hey! Get in here!” he calls out, I hear the sound of footsteps, and soon, a pair of kids appear, falling on the floor after one of them trips on nothing, causing his companion to trip as well.

“Watch it Snails!” the chubby one says to the thin one, I don’t have to think long to know who these two are.

“Meet Snips and Snails, they are from the Middle School grounds, but they are willing to help out…” this isn’t going well, is it…

By this point, the four of us have moved to a better lighted area, as the sun has already gone down enough to bother us, we stop by a crappy-looking old truck which I assume belongs to Flash, but I refrain from commenting as he brings out a few things from it.

“Have you heard of the Fall Formal?” he asks as if I care to respond.

Or even 'know' for that matter.

“The look on your face says no… It doesn’t matter,” he takes out a picture and hands it to me. “Do you know who this is?” I look at the photo and see a female figure, she has mint colored hair and is wearing a similarly colored green dress.

“Yeah, I know her,” Lyra Hearthstrings stares at me from the picture, thankfully from my experience, she wasn’t any way like the fandom portrayed her, but she DOES sometimes spout nonsense about how the world is all just part of a story being created on the spot. That’s silly. She is silly.

“Good, this will make it easier on me… I need you to find dirt on her so we can sabotage her, she is one of the girls running to be the Fall formal Queen,” I slowly turn to him and shake my head.

“Are you serious? And why do you want to do that… Exactly?” he tosses a package on my lap and turns towards his truck.

“Need to know basis, all you have to know is that your job is to find dirt on her, Snips and Snails will be some help for you, that’s it,” he gets on his truck and starts it up, rolling down the window and staring at us. “And this has to be done today, or you can kiss Pinkie’s ‘social life’ goodbye,” I’m horrified as he drives away without another word, well, I have three words. What. The. Fuck.

“So, what do you want us to do, um… Lemon, mister, sir?” Snails asks me while Snips waits alongside him, I open the package and find a couple notes inside; practically enough for a stalking mission, I look at the top and read from the beginning, everything put into neatly aligned time notes: ‘Lyra is currently at school in preparation for tomorrow, I suspect she’ll leave at around 6:30 PM, she always leaves through the front by foot’ I look at my phone and see the time. “6:15... Alright, guys, let’s go to the front of the school to wait for her… And be careful not to let her see you,” I give them the instructions, and I can’t help but have this bad taste in my mouth… Dammit, Flash, what the hell, man?

Not five minutes later after the designated time, I see the target leave the school, she looks around frantically as if she knows she is being followed… Odd. She heads directly towards the road right ahead of her, and we follow, being careful to avoid her at all costs. As I tell the pair of idiots to keep an eye on her, I look through the file once more; ‘She is a self-proclaimed -hardcore- feminist, due to the naiveté of the morons at this school, that alone has given her the edge this year,’ I scratch my head at that, from the times I’ve talked to Flash, he never seemed like the type of guy to write this.

“Mr. Lemon!” Snips whispers, I find that we have stopped for some reason.

“What? Where did she go?” I ask, looking around in panic, we can’t lose her! I can’t afford to.

“She went inside that house… And for some reason he looked like me whenever I get a grade report back…” comments Snails, to what I guess to be him being a wimp.

“Shit…” I check the report and read her bio. “What? But this isn’t her house at all, what is she doing here?” I read on further and find that there is one thing that she has in common with fandom knowledge: she is in lesbians with Bon Bon -and publicly too- I turn the page and find Bon Bon’s own bio… And this isn’t her house either… Dammit, Flash, you had a single job and you couldn’t even do that right?

“So, now what?” I turn to the questioning Snips and just do the only thing I can think of; I sit down.

“Wait… And hope that she leaves that house.”

The minutes slowly pass as we wait on a good hiding spot. Five minutes later, I'm bored out of my mind, so I turn to the morons and start a conversation with them, might as well.

“So, why are you guys helping Flash?” they look at each other and shake their heads.

“Doh, we aren’t helping Flash, we are helpin- Ouch!” Snails complaints as Snips punches his shoulder.

“We are not supposed to tell him about her!”

“Her, huh?” they cover each other’s mouths rather comically and groan. Busted. “Well, can you at least tell me the reason why you would help this girl at all? And what does Flash have to do with this?” they only shake their heads. Stubborn little sh-

“Well, Flash was against it… But he suddenly changed his mind for some reason… Ouch!” this time it’s Snail’s turn to punch Snips as he realizes what he’s done.

“Stop asking us questions! Or we’ll abort the mission and get that, um, secret out!” dammit, I guess this girl was at least prepared.

“Fine… But can you at least tell me why you decided to help her… Whoever it is?” they look at each other once again and just giggle embarrased. “Could it be…” I make a circle with my thumb and index, then proceed to shamelessly violate it by inserting my other index in. A noticeable blush fills their faces… Well, I can’t say I blame them for trying, but I don’t think this girl will put out for them, specially due to them being… Er… Unspecified years of age.

An equally unspecified amount of time later, I check my phone. 8:30 PM flashes on the screen and then just fades, as the phone turns off on its own. Dammit, I knew I should have charged it.

“How long do we have to wait? I’m tired!” complaints Snips, yawning like the weak would.

“As long as we have to…” I respond fairly easily. I mean, it’s Pinkie who is in danger he- Wait… Why the hell do I care so much? Sure, she is friendly, nice, fun, pink, and other such nice things but… Ugh… Damn this teenage brain that damns me to think these things!

“Mr. Lemon!” Snips snaps me out of my thoughts as we look towards the house and I see Lyra with… With a guy? Guess they are friends, oh, now they are hugging, that’s nice. Oh, now they are giving each other a goodbye kiss… A long goodbye kiss… Oh… Ooooooh.

Hardcore feminist my ass.

“Snips, Snails, take a picture!” I hiss at them, they quickly do as I tell them, and after a few moments, we have several photographs of the pair, caught on the act.

“Hey!” we jump out and turn around as we see an old man call out from his porch -in retrospect, it might have been a bad idea to hide in someone else’s house just across- “Get off mah property!” we fall out of the bush we are hiding in, and we come face-to-feet with the pair across the street, who look at me horrified.

“Um… Man, what a beautiful night, to lay on the middle of the street?”

“No,” Lyra groans harshly. “Give me those phones… Now,” she demands realizing what‘s going on, slowly approaching Snips and Snails.

“Run, you idiots!” I shout as I rush to trip Lyra before she manages to get far, I watch as Snips and Snails run away and reach a crossroad where they turn a corner opposite of each other. I didn’t give the morons enough credit, but good job.

“What the hell, man!?” I’m picked up fairly easily by the guy who seems to be furious. “Oof!” ugh… Judging from that punch I say he is REALLY furious. “Gah!” my mind races as the rush of the moment kicks in, he tosses me to the ground and begins punching me.

“Stop right there!” I manage to hear a voice, which causes the kid to stop, I turn weakly and see him drag Lyra by the hand back into the house, while I lay on the ground, possibly bleeding… FUCK the pain is starting to accumulate, what a BLOODY mess… Ouch.

“Kid! You okay?” I manage to hear before I pass out.

…

I wake up finding myself in a strange house, an old tv right across my field of vision, everything around it looking like it belongs in the fifties. even the wallpaper has a sort of old feel to it, it doesn‘t take long until the events from last night come rushing and I get on my feet, only to fall back, howling in agony as the pain comes in, I glance to the side and see the old man, sitting there with an amused grin.

“I see you are up… That was a beating he gave you, heh heh heh..” you jerk. “Don’t look at me like that, you know you deserved that, considering you were spying on them,” he explains, and I guess that’s fair enough.

“What time is it…”

“Around 10:00, I put your phone to charge, lucky that it’s the same kind as mine,” I look to the table in front of me and grab it, turning it on and decide to call mom, I'm gonna be in trouble.

Before I’m able to, I receive a message.

“Good job… You did great. As promised, we will leave Pie alone, and well… You’ll get a little surprise in the next few days… Glad to have worked with you, Lemon…” I nearly toss my phone, but that’ll be as stupid as tossing two hundred bucks in a blender.

“You alright?” the old guy asks, looking a bit concerned, it takes me a few seconds to control my hands from their shaking and manage an answer.

“… No… I’m not.”

The next day comes without any sort of event happening, thankfully. I’m lucky to have managed to even go to school after somehow convincing mom that I fell down ‘some stairs’… Can’t believe that worked.

“You okay… Kid?” asks me Soarin as soon as I get on the bus, I think that kid might have punched me too hard. I nod my head and move through the bus, getting a few odd looks from the others, but reaching the back without trouble.

“Hey? Lemon?” I groan as I look to the side and see Flash with an apologetic look.

“Give me a good reason why I shouldn’t punch you in the face right now?” I whisper, he doesn’t seem too surprised, yeah, don’t feel good huh? Well, suck it Sentry.

“Look, I didn’t plan on this to happen, I don’t know why I helped Sunset!” HA! I knew Sunset Shimmer was involved! “For some reason, I just said yes and agreed… Did I say something wrong to you? Because I feel I did…” he asks me, looking confused.

“You don’t remember anything?” he shakes his head.

“Not much…“ Likely story.

“Well, I don’t believe you, and why would Sunset Shimmer want to do that?” he looks at me as if I’m some sort of idiot.

“Dude, she is running for Fall Formal Princess,” I face palm. World’s biggest idiot, and his name is Patrick/Lemon.

“Of course… That’s what I get for not giving a crap…”

“That’s why… I broke up with her,” I remember how he said that he had a girlfriend before, guess I know who that is now. Too little, too late.

“Well… It won‘t change the fact that you threatened someone,” he looks disturbed as he seemingly 'recalls' some of it.

“I know!” he hisses. “And I feel horrible for it… I don’t know how Shimmer made me do it!” I can’t help but look at him in disgust.

“Whatever. You can apologize to that girl that will have her life ruined for this crap,” I say angrily -for someone who doesn’t care for these freaks, I sure feel angry enough to tell myself otherwise- and move to an empty seat ahead of me, leaving Flash on his own as we reach the school.

Outside giving Pinkie Pie an excuse for my injuries -turns out she is too smart for my stair idea- classes go by fast, and lunch arrives and as expected, is a complete barrage of talk from the other kids about Lyra, as the pictures have now been leaked online for sure, news of her dropping out of the competition are already about as well, not that it matters, as she would probably lose anyway. I can’t help but groan and I leave the cafeteria in a fit of anger, I don’t care much to where I’m going, I just want to get away.

“You did a good job, buddy,” I stop as I go up some stairs, I look up and see a familiar face.

“You…” Shimmer is on top of those stairs… If it wasn’t her, I would be happy that I’m able to see up her skirt right now.

“Yeah, yeah, spare me the drama…” she walks towards me, and I resist the urge to push her down. “Here,” she shoves a piece of paper in my pocket and walks away.

“Shimmer! Why?” she turns her head slightly and grins… That bitchy grin of hers.

“Does it really matter? We both got what we wanted, and you get to meet that person you care for,” she says as if it she were right. Which she is NOT.

“Well, it does!”

“Yeah, yeah, I have to go, I have a coronation to prepare for,” I SWEAR TO G-

“Pat!” I see Pinkie Pie running towards me, passing Sunset Shimmer without even glancing at her. “There you are! I was waiting for you at lunch!” she tells me angrily.

“Oh, hey, Pinkie…” I watch as Shimmer disappears into a hallway and I sigh. “Sorry… Guess I missed lunch again?”

“Yes, but don’t you worry! I got you some food!” she takes out a bowl… Of salad. Oh, Pinkie.

“… Thanks,” right… It was Pinkie who I was doing this for… As I look at her, i can't help but wonder what sort of secret she could have that would ruin her life? Still, if it helped I guess it was worth it, wasn’t it? I mean, helped a friend.