//------------------------------// // Chapter 6 // Story: Guns, Pineapples, & Ponies: A Story of Nonsense // by BlazeHydra //------------------------------// Guess who's back! Guess who still doesn't own MLP or Black Ops! This guy! Guns, Pineapples, & Ponies: A Story of Nonsense Chapter 6: Trying New Things Loading match components... ---Round 4--- Defend the objectives! Blaze checked the leaderboards, an iconic lightbulb over his head "Hey! What the buck!?" he said, alerting the other members of his team, although probably used to his outbursts by now, "Why is Steveo on the other team? Now it's six against four!" "Gee, thanks Treyarch..." Prime said, rolling his eyes. He was walking towards a two tiered, windowed building when he turned around, "Hey, Oatmeal? You think you can take overwatch on A?" Oatmeal yawned "Hm? Yeah sure, just let me set my motion sensor..." he said as he planted the battered looking white canister behind the building, just around the corner a few feet away from point A before climbing the ladder set just in front of the spawn. Tehqman looked around, noticing the five other players on his team, "Hmm... one, two, three, four, five... uh, hey Steveo? What comes after five?" A blond maned pony with an orange coat tipped his stetson upward and looked toward Tehqman before sighing in a combination of resignation and disbelief, "Six, Tehq. It goes like 'four, five, six'." Tehqman stared in awe for a few moments, trying to piece together this revelation before finally speaking, "Holy crap! We got a two man advantage!" [MLP]BlazeHydra >>MP5>> [MLP]Tehqman24 "Aw buck! They advance fast! Or is it just Blaze?" Edwin said, tossing a miscellaneous item in Blaze's general direction. It proved enough of a distraction for Edwin to make a getaway, but ended up being another loss for the team. [MLP]BlazeHydra >>MP5>> [DCRD]ChocoCloud21 Scanning the area for any other enemies, Blaze and Jacz caught sight of eachother and exchanged glares for quite some time, neither of them raising their gun, as if trying to shoot lasers out of their eyes. Sadly, this wasn't zombies and there weren't gonna be lasers any time soon. They continued staring intensely for a good 3 minutes. [MLP]xlilflippper >>L96A1>> [MLP]BlazeHydra "Hey Jacz!" yelled Flipper from atop a satellite dish that really shouldn't be accessible, but wings and horns really break this game, don't they? Anyways Flipper was yelling, rather annoyed as well, "Try pulling the trigger next time! It works better!" he mocked, Jacz took nothing of it and walked towards the cowboy looking pony, mumbling something to himself about the tears of an overlord or something. "Hey Steveo, I don't have much time to explain, so I'll make this quick." Jacz said, attempting to reload his weapon, just to realize he didn't shoot any bullets yet, "So pretty much we've been waking up as ponies, pretty sweet, eh? But apparently we're stuck in a PS3 together, because somehow we can access the PS menu and everything, but it's complicated. By the way, did you bring the jar of tears?" Steveo nodded slowly, trying to process everything he was just told, although you wouldn't be able to tell from the look on his face, a perfect portrayal of general disinterest. "Uh, sure. And yeah I got a jar of tears in my pocket, give me a sec..." he said, pulling a jar out his... pocket... I will never understand how that works. Jacz unsealed the jar and brought it close to his muzzle, only to toss it aside moments later, "Are you kidding me!? Those aren't tears! They smell like tap water!" "Wha? Tap water doesn't have a scent!" Steveo retorted. "Exactly!" Jacz snapped back just after saying that, hearing gunfire inching closer to him. "Crap! Running out of time. Listen, grab a gun, and kill people. We're playing search & destroy, don't worry getting shot doesn't hurt, they feel like nerf darts actually." "Wait, where do I get a-" as he was speaking, a HS-10 and a Kiparis generated in his hooves, "...well, this is nice." Jacz stared. He stared at Steveo, and looked rather confused. Then he looked depressed, and not long after enraged, "Lucky bastard! That's not even possible! How could you-" now, as he was speaking, he noticed one of his hooves move involuntarily, and the other get heavier. He looked down and saw he had two different weapons now: a PM63 and a Mac-11. He stared at his own hooves for a while, and could only say one thing before running off like a giddy school girl, "Eat your heart out, Blaze!" Steveo followed Jacz to A, while Edwin decided to take a different route, a very different route. The bomb has been planted! Oatmeal almost stood up. Prime got pretty jumpy as well, especially since he just saw Edwin run past him. But, that was just the thing, Edwin ran past him, as if he didn't even notice him or Oatmeal as he planted at A. "Uh... ok? Cover me Oats, I'll defuse." Prime said, walking rather befuzzled to the objective and proceeded to disarm the explosive. *BOOM* [MLP]EdwinprGTR >>C4>> [MLP]PRiME_ENiGMA [MLP]EdwinprGTR >>C4>> [MLP]McSqueakers "MWAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHA! Haha... ha? Why hasn't the match ended?" Edwin pondered, he did kill the last of the remaining force, didn't he? [2th]xX1337DentistXx >>Knife>> [MLP]EdwinprGTR Apparently not. "Aw crap! B is gonna have to wait! C'mon we gotta get there before A is disarmed!" Jacz bellowed, almost loud enough to pinpoint his location, but getting his general direction was good enough. He led Steveo through what quite possibly could have been the longest route to objective A in the universe. They had to traverse the entirety of Grid's perimeter to get there. Oh, and let me remind you this match is taking place on WMD. Needless to say they ran out of time by the time they got back to the correct map. *BOOM* Spetznaz Wins "Eheh heh, so I might've gotten a little lost..." "A little? Yeah, right." "Oh, lookie! A killstreak!" "Killstreaks? Psh, how nooby." "Oh hush, Mr. MLG." ---Round 5--- Guns, Pineapples, and Ponies will be back after these short messages! Fuck you Baltimare! If you're dumb enough to buy a new carriage this weekend, you're a big enough shmuck to come to Buck Hell's Carriages! Bad deals! Carriages that break down! See! If you think you're gonna find a bargain at Big Buck's, you can kiss my flank! It's our belief that you're such a stupid filly-fooler you'll fall for this bullshit, guaranteed! If you find a better deal, shove it up your ugly flank! You heard us right, shove it up your ugly flank! Bring your tray, bring your timer, bring your wife, we'll fuck her! That's right, we'll fuck your wife! Because at Big Buck Hell's, you're fucked six ways from sunday! Take a hike, to Big Buck Hell's, home of Challenge Pissing! That's right, Challenge Pissing! How does it work? If you can piss six feet into the air straight up and not get wet, you'll get NO down payment! Don't wait! Don't delay! Don't fuck with us! Or we'll rip your nuts off! Only at Big Buck Hell's! The only dealer that tells you to fuck off! Hurry up asshole! This event ends a MINUTE after you write us a check! And you'd better not bounce, or you're a dead mother bucker! Go to hell! Pick Buck Hell's carriages, the filthiest, and most exclusive home of the meanest sons of bitches in the state of Mareyland! Guaranteed! ----- Are you a stallion, but you're turned off by monster trucks? Have you ever watched the Bridges of Madison County? Have you forgotten how to scratch yourself? If so, talk to your doctor, because you could be one of the ten million colts suffering in silence from the condition known as Coltopause. Coltopause afflicts stallions over the age of 40, and is one of the leading causes of depression, the loss of stallionliness, and the popularity of movies starring Owen Wilson. But there is hope: Girlycoltnomore. Girlycoltnomore has been scientifically, and clinically proven to increase stallionliness. Talk to your doctor to see if Girlycoltnomore is right for you. Girlycoltnomore should only be used as directed by your physician. Possible side effects include death, sudden loss of hooves, temporary disembowelment, rage, clammy hooves, loss of hoof hair, hearing voices, busy signals, extreme attraction to squirrels, and fear of elevators. Girlycoltnomore is not for stallions who are pregnant or who may become pregnant. Do not take Girlycoltnomore if you have hooves, or if you are taking any other medicine. So talk to your doctor, and call 1-800-BANANAS now for a free trial. Girlycoltnomore, also available in a topical creme. But that's just wrong. ----- Hi! I'm Tim! Love Macintosh computer software but hate reasonable prices? The I've got news for you, jerk! PANIC SALE! For three days only, buy the biggest panic apps for half the price! Don't buy your apps in a store like this, we don't even SELL 'em in a store like this! PANIC SALE! We're so busy working on new software, we haven't even realized how stupid this is. PANIC SALE? What's on the menu Garzone? PANIC SALE... How about Transmit? Only the number one FTP client in the WHOLE FREAKIN' GALAXY! All aboard! ......But tha- *HONK HONK* There's also Candybar, it'll change your stupid icons for you! And what about Unison? You can discuss some of your favorite topics with some of the friendliest people in cyberspace! What's that? You build websites? Now that's what I'm talkin' about! You're gonna love Coda, now YOU'RE gonna build a website, and YOU'RE gonna have a good time! ......Awesome! None of the profit goes to charity, and these're bonafide, fully paid licenses! You'll even get discounts on future updates! Try that with burritos, no way amigo! You've only got three days to take advantage of this amazing offer! And if you're not interested... well then I'm sorry you've wasted your time... P-P-P-PANIC SALE! We're now back with- oh shit they already started! ---Black Ops Wins--- "Oh god is she gone!?" "What the hell happened!? "I really don't wanna know..." "Where the hell is my... oh god." [r4p3]Molestia69 disconnected ---Round 6--- Spare no one! "Don't worry guys, I got just the thing to secure a victory!" Blaze said, pulling out a rather futuristic looking walkie-talkie, "Hello? Base, come in... yeah... uh-huh... no, this is Blaze... yeah, can I get a small Delta squad? What do you mean they start at medium!? Well what can I get with 20 bucks?" Prime looked absolutely bewildered at Blaze's conversation, "Uh... Blaze?" Said alicorn didn't make much of the situation, probably because he was the one causing it, and simply held a hoof up to Prime "Just a sec! N-no not you! So yeah, all I got is 20... a GIGN squad? What, no way! Look, those guys are french, man, FRENCH! Wait, what? Riot shields? Hm, well can I at least get a roster? Hm.. mhm... really?" [MLP]Xlilflippper >>L96A1>> [2th]xX1337DentistXx Remembering the match had actually started, Oatmeal & Prime had decided Blaze was a lost cause and that it'd be best to just try and hunt down the other team themselves. "Yeah, small GIGN squad... well how much is rush delivery? Yeah, no thanks... so a few minutes then? Well that doesn't sound too bad..." ---A few minutes later--- "Where the buck is my support!?" Blaze said, well more like screamed as he was being shot at be at least 3 ponies, a Pikachu, and a regiment of soldiers from International Civil War III. He didn't remember seeing his allies die on the kill-feed, but they sure weren't anywhere to be found, I wonder where they are anyway? "Huh... where is everypony?" a highly confused Oatmeal asked, "I mean, there has to be at least 8 of us, but I onlt see you and me!" Oatmeal's crimson companion had a suspicious looking bag of McDonald's when he replied, "Beats me. Hey, you hear that? Sounds like gunfire..." Prime said, analyzing the distance to where the sounds were coming from, all the while slurping his delicious, and nutritious chocolate milkshake! Oh, wait, nevermind, that's just a cup of barbeque sauce. Acorde a Fabio, si una persona ese mandas- I mean, Oatmeal turned back to Prime and said "Gunfire? In Call of Duty? ...Nah! But man! There's no one here! It's times like this when I wish this game was rated AO..." Prime quickly recoiled, "What?" "What?" They decided to approach the source of the ensuing gunfight. In an extremely awkward silence. ----- The bullets were getting through. Blaze was on the verge of religious song and dance, but fortunately he was still expecting a delivery. And here it came. From over a building Blaze spotted some kind of aircraft, he suspected it was just a spy plane, that is, until he noticed it was headed directly for his position, and that the pilot had jumped out of the plane. Jacz saw the plane heading for him a bit too late, after noticing all his comrades sprinting away from his growing shadow, he looked up, "...Is this some kind of cruel joke?" [GIGN]vampader2 >>A-10 Thunderbolt II>> [MLP]jaczrwild3 Out from the plane fell an armored pony, straight onto the ground in front of Blaze with a resounding *THUD*, and got up like it was nothing. "How are you not dead..." Blaze asked, that was going to be the only thing he asked the apparent unicorn. But then the fallen pony with the somehow warm, summer-y white coat, unfurled its wings. "...and who are you?" "Riot shields, dude, they really work!" the cream white alicorn stated, "So, now that that's out of the way... um, whats happening?" Blaze was getting more and more used to this world by the minute, and was quick to enlighten this newcomer, "Uh, looks like Celestia... I'm gonna take a wild guess and say... Vamp?" And apparently he was, because he was quick to respond, "How'd you know? Wait... that voice..." "It's me, Blaze. Now long story short, we're ponies in Black Ops. I have no idea why, I just know we are, and there doesn't seem to be much of a consequential system, so... have fun! But, weren't there supposed to be three of you? Where's the rest of ya?" Vamp started to ponder that while some indistinguishable figure approached from behind, probably holding some sort of weapon. You know kids these days. "You know, I have no i-" before he could finish his thought, a car came crashing through the wall behind them, running over whoever was behind Vamp and destroying it's engine in the process. [GIGN]LeoLeoardo >>Growler ITV>> [DCRD]ChocoCloud21 "Crap! The engine's shot!" said the driver of the jeep-looking vehicle, a somewhat smaller white and brown earth pony. "Don't worry! Someone cover me while I repair the engine!" another white pony said as he hopped out of the passenger seat, pulling out a blowtorch and using it on the front of the jeep, emitting an electric blue glow, much like the color of said pony's mane. Vamp looked at Blaze, who looked at Steveo, who shot at Blaze, so he decided to look back at Vamp, who started yelling at the pony repairing the jeep, "Cover you with what!? We're surrounded!" The other white pony looked back, still repairing the jeep, "Oh, I don't know, maybe your RIOT SHIELD!" Vamp looked over his shoulder, staring at his rectangular piece of super plastic, "Oh, right. Hey! You have a riot shield too!" he said, propping himself in front of the engineer pony, who was just about finished soldering an engine back together with a blowtorch somehow. "I can't hold two things at once..." the pony said, who actually sounds surprisingly... well, not surprised about the situation he's in, along with the driver. Speaking of the driver, something in his mind possessed him to respond to the repair pony's comment, "I know Jacz can..." was all he felt he needed to say, and with that, leaned back in his seat while he waited for the repair to finish. "Done." The repair pony said flatly, possibly in response to the driver's comment, and hopped back into the passenger seat, "Alright get in! Oh buck there's only room for one more." Before Blaze could make an argument about him and Vamp having wings, Vamp jumped onto the gunner seat and mocked him, "Ha! Called it! So sorry, but sucks to be y-" [MLP]Tehqman24 >>Stakeout>> [GIGN]vampader2 And just like that, there was suddenly enough room for all of them! So Blaze took a seat on the gunner and nonchalantly gunned down Tehq and tried to do the same to others, but they quickly fleed. [MLP]BlazeHydra >>Growler ITV>> [MLP]Tehqman24 "Drive!" Blaze yelled, after getting far away enough from where they thought the enemy team was, he wanted to get to know his new team mates while they were alive, "You got a name?" he asked. "Swagalicious." The driver said as sunglasses materialized on his face. "Oh hey Leo, glad to see you here..." Blaze said, "...and you?" he turned towards the one in the passenger seat with the static mane, in color and style, as he asked. "Name's Vegas. MLG extraordinaire. That's all you need to know." He said, an air of seriousness around him, that is, until he got sniped, or as he would say, 'lagged'. [MLP]Xlilflippper >>L96A1>> [GIGN]VegasSubie "Uh oh." Was all Blaze could say before he saw Prime & Oatmeal, when an idea came to him. "So I was wondering if you weren't busy after the match-" and then there was a jeep driving towards Oatmeal. "Get in!" Said Blaze as he jumped out of the vehicle. Without a second thought they both got in, even though everything in their minds were telling them this was a horrible idea. And after they were in, and Blaze was off and away, Leo noticed figures in the distance and turned on the radio... ---Intense Scene Mode Activated--- POV>>Leo --Radio on! --Alright! One, two, three enemies spotted! --I know there's a sniper somewhere, lets do this! POV>>Oatmeal --What the hell is happening!? --Wrong game! Wrong Game! --VATS ACTIVATED --What game am I even playing anymore!? POV>>Steveo --Truck! Coming this way! --Heh, come at me truck, I got a shotgun AND a SMG, I'm gonna kill one of ya! --RAAAAAAAAAAAHHH *GASP* STEVEO DOWN POV>>Leo --Everybody out! Last stop! --Cover, cover, I need some! Here! --Buck! Taking fire! But where is he!? --Oh shit, there's two of 'em! --Team stay on your- LEO DOWN POV>>Flip --One down, three to go... --Found one! --Alright! Now just- --Someone's in here with me... PRIME DOWN POV>>Blaze --Crap... he knows I'm here... --Just wait for him, creep slowly... --...Edwin is here too! --Buck, turn around! Turn around! --Ha! You thought you were just gonna knife me like that! BLAZE DOWN POV>>Flip --You let your pride get the better of you, Blaze. --Alright, go search for Oatmeal, chances are he's right below us. --W-where'd you come from!? POV>>Edwin VS Oatmeal --Flip? Flip! Damnit! --Just you and me now... --How did you get where he is!? --Easy. I'm Pinkie Pie. --Wait... if you're where he was, then... --Yeah. Run. --Shit! Cover, cover! --Heh! Get your knife outta my face! --Hm? You said something about cover? --Aw, and here I thought you were listening to what I was saying! --Either way, you can't get away with just knife kills! --Oh, and Edwin? Wanna learn a neat trick we use in CoD? --What's that? --Martyrdom! EDWIN DOWN ---END--- And with that, Oatmeal had but a few moments to bask in his glorious triumph in his knife battle with Edwin before the match officially ended, but the match didn't end. Instead, everything just faded to black, no leader board, no post match screen, so it looks like they wont be going back to the lobby after this... At least, not the Black Ops lobby... returning to lobby? (A/N: Thanks for being so patient with me for the latest chapter! No, the series is most definitely NOT ending, I'm just getting started! And what did you think of the ISM (intense scene mode)? I want to clarify the franticness in some parts of my stories, but I really want feedback to help me do it RIGHT, 'cuz I don't want to end up taking away from the reading experience! Hopefully I can update a bit more often the next couple chapters for my stories in general, but don't hold me against that...)