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http://s30.postimg.org/ifba5wzlc/Hospital_Waiting_Room.jpg
The sun shined. The birds sang. The bush-tentacles writhed. Morning had come and nature abounded about like bunnies trying to get laid.
Shone? Shined? I don't bucking know. Whatever. It was sunny.
The sound of shrubbery eating one of those birds lofted through the window.
Entropy cringed at that.
Oh! By the way, I got myself a shiny-new-thesaurus! 'Lofted.' Cool word. 'Abounded' is a weird word too. Yup. Getting a thesaurus might be one of my best decisions in a while. That's not sad is it? No... No its just awesome.
Anyyyway. It was morning and we were having coffee. My pet had a hangover that wasn't -quite- as bad as the last one. I mean we had some eggnog... Okay a lot of eggnog but it was Hearth's Warming and that's just what you do. So I'm not worried that his morning hangovers are going to become a regular thing. Or that my human is becoming an alcoholic. Nope. Not worried at all. I mean two nights of heavy drinking is a pretty normal thing, right? That doesn't make you an alcoholic. I mean if that were tru--
"Hey, Eris, your eyes are glazing over again," Entropy said, intruding on my thesauricly influenced thoughts.
"Huh?"
"Oh don't worry about her. That's just her narrating her life."
I shot my dad a glare, "I don't do that."
"I don't know, Eris," Entropy smiled at me while rubbing his temples, "you do it a lot. I can't think of another reason."
"I do--"
"Its nothing to be ashamed of." Discord was smiling at me. A far to innocent smile. Jerk. "We all have our little quirks."
. . . Quirks.
"Yeah, little quirks. For example I got kidnapped by chaos demons and am forced to wear a BDSM collar 24/7," Entropy said it with a glare and a slightly twisted up grin.
"Now Entropy its not a BDSM collar. Its just a collar," Discord chastised.
"Guys!" The both gave me their attention, "I don't narrate my life! I mean... I only do it a little."
Discord deadpanned at me, "You're doing it right now aren't you."
"No! . . ."
"I mean its just breakfast. What would I even narrating about?!"
Entropy deadpanned at me too, "Your super interesting life."
I nearly grew a second head just to glare at them both. I settled on glaring at them one at a time. "I'm not having this conversation."
"Fine, fine," Entropy smiled at me, still rubbing his temples, "Just have it in your head. I know I will." I am never giving him that hangover cure.
"Dad, what are we having for breakfast," maybe food will change the subject. Food usually does that, right?
"A change of subject maybe?" Entropy you snarky bastard. I'm going to murder you. So many times.
"No, no that's just the appetizer," Discord smiled a knowing smile.
"What's the main course?" I groaned.
"General teasing, I hope," Entropy winked at me.
"How about pancakes?" I suggested, more hopeful than my pet.
He ignored me, "Then we can talk about my 'benevolent' master's sexual experiences for dessert! That promises to be uncomfortable for everyone but me!"
"... Pancakes then." Discord said after a few seconds of Entropy smiling at us.
That conversation ended. Thank the gods! And Dissy started on those pancakes. Now, you may be asking yourself, 'Why don't The-All-Mighty-Chaos-Gods just magic up some delicious pancakes?' Chaos! That's why. Dumbass.
Just kidding. Its because the food generally tastes better when we make it. Not that we can't just magic the flavor to be bucking amazing. But something about actually making it just adds a lot to the food.
*Clink*
I looked up and saw some sweet-flank lookin' pancakes, sprinkled insultingly with chocolate. "Thanks Dad," I said ignoring the little joke. If I ignored it it would be less funny.
"Ooh I love chocolate, thanks Discord." They both smiled at me with mischief in their eyes.
Some ignoring happened and we started eating. The conversation was replaced with the sound of noms and sips. Until the end when Dissy piped up, "So Eris, you remember we're doing dinner with the Princesses and Elements today, right?
Riiiight... Forgot about that. Buck me... I wanted to groan but that'd just make it worse. "Of course I remember," my voiced filled with fake cheer, "when are we going to the castle?"
"Oh about 6. You told Entropy right?"
"Are we bringing him?"
"If he wants to come."
We looked at him, "Only if there's more rum and eggnog," he said through an inappropriately stuffed face.
My deadpan was interrupted by Discord, "Of course there will be more! Its for Hearth's Warming after all!"
"Awesome." There were a few moments of silence. "Also are you guys seriously still a monarchy?"
The sound of a record scratch could be heard. "Err. What do you mean?"
"I mean are you guys a real monarchy? Have your royals been legislated into irrelevance? Or do they still have ultimate power? Mostly I'm concerned about being beheaded."
"Why would you get beheaded?"
"Well where I'm from the royals and aristocrats had a fetish for lopping off heads. Which is why we slaughtered most of them way back when." He said it with a casual grin like it was nothing.
"Umm..." Discord was laughing silently. "I mean the princesses have all the power, but they're not really the chop off heads type."
"Right. Right. Its just that pretty much every monarchy gets to the whole mass beheading thing eventually. I'm pretty attached to my head, you see, I wouldn't want to lose it."
"I, uh, don't think that's likely to happen."
"Great! I hope you're right. Just remember since I'm your property any crime I commit is your responsibility." He smiled at me. Menacingly. Or maybe just jokingly. Its hard to be sure with him.
"Wonderful. You'd better behave," I glared at him.
"No promises."
Great. Just great. All I need is more trouble with the 'aunts.'
Although... Some mischief-making could be fun. And maybe I would've even have to do anything.
But gods the last thing I need is more trouble from them.
At the same time I really want it to happen but I really don't...
"Its called ambivalence."
"What?"
"That feeling. Two strong emotions pulling in different directions. Its called ambivalence."
"How did you--"
"You started narrating out loud."
"I did not!"
"Right..."
Sorry freaky-naked-aliens but we're skipping this incredibly boring conversation that you have no interest in.
"Eris," my pet called to me. He was in that weird pose on the couch that he always eventually slid into. With his legs over the top part and his head dangling off the the couch near the floor. "You got any books on this place's history?"
"Why do you always do that?"
"Do what?"
Oh come on. "You know. The thing. How you lay on the couch."
"Oh I don't know. I just slide into it. Call it a quirk," he smiled crookedly at me, "its not like its weird compared to your narrating."
"I don't do it that much!..."
"--And now you're doing it out loud," he continued like I hadn't said anything.
"That didn't happen!" I wasn't blushing.
"Uh-huh."
I stared at him.
"Anyway, you got any history books?"
"Ugh. Let me see."
I snapped my fingers and appeared to a stunned mare at a desk in the Royal Canterlot Library. Ye-ah big caps for that. I rolled my eyes at the name and the mare. "I need an introduction to Equestrian history. Get me something for an adult."
"O-okay. Let me just--"
"Ain't got all day lady," I glared at her.
She scurried off without a word. My glare doing its work to rush her along.
It didn't take her long to come back. She hoofed me a large tome, 'A brief history of Equestria.'
"Now if I can just get your library card so I can check the book out for you?"
I stared at her blankly for a moment, "Sure let me just go grab that. I'll be right back."
"But--" I snapped my fingers before she could finish and appeared before Entropy with the book in claw.
"Here you go. Enjoy." That last word was sarcastic. I'm sure it would be very boring.
"Thanks," he actually smiled when he saw how big it was.
"Sure."
He quickly switched to the couch sitting position of a normal creature and started flipping through the book.
"So--"
"Shh, I'm trying to read."
"Don't be a mule," I gave him a glare he pretended to not notice and walked off.
"Hey Eris," my pet said, popping his head into my room, "So this book says your dad took over the entire world. Whats up with that? Seems kind of extreme."
I groaned. "It really wasn't as bad as everypony says. I mean whats so bad about ending world hunger?"
He flipped through the book for a moment. "Probably the rampant destruction of the universe's physical laws." He gave me a flat look.
I rolled my eyes, "Oh whats so good about those anyway?"
He ignored my question. "So Discords thousands of years old? And whats with the trapped in stone thing for a thousand years? Sounds cruel and unusual."
"Yeah it is. And us draconequus tend to live a long time... I actually spent some time in stone for a few centuries too. I can tell you, it sucks. It sucks so much. I don't even have the words"
"Maybe you can find the words in that shiny new thesaurus you keep not talking about." He teased at me.
More eye rolling ensued. See? Thesaurus-ed.
"Seriously though, what'd you do?"
"Oh, you know, just a little prank," I said with an oh-so-innocent smile.
"Right...You gonna tell me?"
"Not today."
"Fine, I'm going back to my book."
"Hey Eris," my pet said, popping his head into my room, "So this book says the current co-princess tried to take over the world. Whats up with that? Seems kind of extreme."
"Yeah... That ones a lot worse than what everypony says."
"I noticed the entire part in extremely vague."
"Well it is old-sun-butt's sister. Everypony that pays attention knows she made that whole vague thing happen."
"Of course she did," Entropy said it with a sigh. "Seems like some pretty important history to repress."
I started to say something but got interrupted before I could even start. "Whats with the whole thousand year imprisonment thing?"
"It just means really long time. Luna's was shorter, Dissy's was a lot longer than a thousand."
"I see... What kind of historians keep vague time measurements? Idiots?"
"I can't disagree."
"How long was your imprisonment?"
"It was a few centuries."
"Why were you--"
"Not telling."
"Fine." He walked out with a huff.
"Hey Eris," my pet said, popping his head into my room, "So this book keeps talking about the 'Elements of Harmony' are they the people were doing the dinner thing with?"
"Yup that's them."
"So we're doing dinner with people that have imprisoned you, your father, and this Luna chick? And you thought I would be the one causing trouble?"
"To be fair I wasn't actually stoned by them." He smiled something weird when I said stoned. Whatever. "I was in Zebraca at the time. Nothin but desert to stare at."
"So are you gonna tell me what ha--"
"No. For the last time." I shot him a harsh look to go along with my tone.
"Fine," he said walking out with another huff.
"Hey Entropy," I said, popping my head into the living room, "So we're getting ready for dinner. You should probably get ready."
"Already?" He asked, pulling his nose out of the tome.
"Yup... Time flies when you're readying boring books."
"Actually its pretty interesting. Not that you'd understand."
"I--" He was out of the room before I could finish. Bastard.
I decided not to follow him. I should probably do my hair anyway.
He knocked on my bathroom door a few minutes later. "You decent?" He asked through the door.
"Don't know what that means," I waited a moment, "You can come in."
He came in with a roll of his eyes. And then I noticed he wasn't wearing a shirt. My eyes widened a bit. I'd never actually seen him shirtless. Not bad...
"I need a black button up shirt. Think you can magic one up for me?"
"Uh," ignore his chest Eris, just ignore it. "Sure I think I can do that."
*Snap*
"Here you go."
"Thanks," he said slipping it on. I turned around to fix my hair in the mirror. I didn't watch him as his nimble fingers hide away his body... Oh what those fingers could-- NOPE! We are done with that! It shall never be discussed! End of story!
"Your welcome..." I looked around. He was already gone. Damn it.
Not two minutes later he popped back into my bathroom, now he was wearing that black shirt, tucked into a lighter black jeans, a black leather belt with silver buckle were prominently displayed. His black leather jacket completed the macabre-mess. "Gods, Entropy, we're not going to a funeral."
"Okay first off, it very well could turn into a funeral. Second, black is obviously the best color. So shove it. Its not like you go around wearing clothes enough to know."
"Whatever. And whats with all the corpses you're wearing? We're going to see the peace-loving-pony-princesses not to war."
"Leather is very good material," he said a little snooty. "This kind is an obvious display of class and status. Thus why I'm wearing it to a casual dinner with royalty."
"They're gonna freak out when they see you."
He laughed with an enthusiasm that wasn't there before, "I know isn't it great! Its gonna be hilarious and then if anything goes wrong I can accuse them of cultural insensitivity!" He smiled brightly, like there was some sort of genuine innocence in there, "Its the perfect plan!"
"I... You know what that doesn't actually sound half bad."
"Exactly... Its just there's one more thing I need to finish off my outfit." He gave me a beg-y look.
"Whats that?" I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Lots of those today. Weird.
"Okay, I just need a pair of sunglasses. Silver frames, lenses should be small and rectangular."
"Yeah no prob. *Snap* Here you are."
My pet smiled brightly at me and put them on. He gazed into his reflection lovingly. Okay maybe that was an exaggeration. But he looked at himself for a seriously long time. I me--
"Perfect. Thanks, Eris."
"Err... No problem."
He took the sunglasses off, folded them, and slid them onto his shirt collar. He left them there for the rest of the night, just wearing them like a necklace. "Well I'll leave you to it."
When we were finally all ready to leave we gathered up in the front room. Ditzy was wearing a loosely-tied-tie and cuffs. No shirt. Just cuffs around his wrists with shnazy cufflinks attached.
I had my hair properly straightened and flowing down my back. I'd put on an off white evening gown. Not my best evening gown, mind you, I wasn't about to dress up to much for those snotty sky queens. Just enough to say 'I'm a fancy, independent mare who don't need no stallion, and you totally want me.'
Entropy hadn't changed. I couldn't decided if he looked like he was going to plan a war or a funeral.
And so with my pet looking crazy we left.
A servant with perky little flanks escorted us along the hallway. Now don't get the wrong idea. Its just that uniform was meant to show her flanks more than hide them.
Now that I think about it I don't think I've ever seen a castle maid without great flanks... Or a stallion maid. Who handles the hiring policy here? I bet its that Shimy Amour guy. He always struck me as a pervert. I mean come on who's name is Amour? I bet he's having an amour with all the castle maids.
"Here we are. Is everypony ready to enter the Royal Dining Hall?"
"Gods lady, its just dinner." I said, nearly cutting off her last word. "You make it sound like we've been summoned for court." She looked at me blankly for a moment. "Yeah lets get goin'!"
"R-right," she shuddered out quickly. The frou-ey little servant turned around and opened the large, oak doors. It was decorated with depictions of the victory against Discord, of course.
Frou stepped through and announced to-loudly to the ponies already seated, "Announcing Sir Discord, Madam Eris, and Sir Entropy!" sun-butt raised her eyebrow.
I glared at the stupid servant as I walked passed. So loud. "Tia! Luna!" Discord shouted from between the two of them, "Its so nice to see you!"
"Likewise," luna grumbled while pushing him away.
"Its nice to see you again Discord, your daughter as well," celestia said with a poker face. A really good poker face. "Please have a seat, I believe some introductions are in order."
Dissy sat next to the yellow bitch, of course. I sat next to him, and Entropy next to me. Poor Entropy got stuck with Blueblood at his side. That was gonna be funny.
When we were all settled sun-butt couldn't resist speaking, "Eris, whose your friend? I can't say I've ever seen anything quite like him."
"He's--" Then i got interrupted.
"My name is Entropy. I'm a human."
Always with the questions Twilight was the first to ask, "Where are you from?"
"America."
"Where is--"
"Why don't we introduce everypony else to Entropy before we get to much into talkin'?" Entropy let out a grateful snicker and Twilight blushed.
I do not know how a snicker could be grateful but there it is.
"Yes let us," moony chimed in, "I am Princess Luna, this is my sister Princess Celestia. The purple mare with the questions," her blush deepened, "is Princess Twilight, Element of Magic. This is her brother Prince Shining Armor," Ooooh, that's his name, "and his wife Princess Mi Amore Cadenza of the Crystal Empire."
He's still probably a pervert. "Please, call me Cadence." Why else would he marry the 'love' princess. I bet she spreads her love to everypony.
"You are seated next to Prince Blueblood." Who was placed as far away from celly as possible. "And these are the Elements of Harmony, Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow Dash." They each have the hello you'd expect. The-pink-menace's was the most annoying, luckily she kept herself seated so she couldn't shove her face all over everywhere.
"Well thank you for the invitation. Its not every day one gets to dine with royalty." His voice held a fake warmth that I'm pretty sure was just him trying to keep his head.
"Please," tia started, "try not to think of us as any different from anypony else."
"If you insist," I don't think he was going to do that.
"Excellent," I think sun-butt thought he was going to, "let us begin our meal." She clopped her hoofs together and a hoard of tight flanked servants burst through the doors. Now that I think about it, armor and amour are in the Crystal Empire now. Maybe its blueblood that handles all the hiring.
A rotund white stallion in a chef's hat stood near the princesses as a servant lined up behind and to the right of each pony, "We shall begin with an appetizer of potato and broccoli soup with your choice of cheese." He waved his hoof and a bowl was placed in front of everypony. "Enjoy." He said it like a command. These high class food ponies are just obsessed with ritual.
Each of the servants had rows of cheese graders that looked like pepper grinders lining their sides and started dishing out their oh-so-fancy cheese. But I'm sure you don't care... Oh who am I kidding? Of course you care! Everypony loves cheese! I went with provolone. Entropy went with cheddarjack. Dissy went with some snooty mixture of alfalfa and puke. blueblood went with blue cheese. His servant kind of sneered at him when he did. I wonder if he realizes he's a stereotype? I doubt anypony has ever been kind enough to tell him.
When the servants finally left the purple one couldn't help but start back up. "So how come I've never heard of your kind?" She had this hopeful look with hints of desperation. Like the three minutes she couldn't have her questions answered was some sort of torture.
I think that Entropy got that. And was enjoying it, "Perhaps you should spend more time at the library." I noticed he was already half way into a glass of eggnog.
"Don't encourage her," A purple dragon said while rolling his eyes.
Oh yeah! I completely forgot about him... Now that I think of it I'm pretty sure loo-loo introduced him too... I mean he's just so easy to forget about! For a dragon, the only dragon in the room... probably the city, that's pretty sad. I bet he leads a sad, sad, little life and nopony cares. I don't.
"I actually live in a library."
She started to say something more but was quickly interrupted. "It seems to have done you a lot of good." I'm not sure if she got that that was an insult but sun-butt did. She didn't laugh but she had one of those mysterious numbered-smiles on. I bet she loves riffing on her students. Which is probably why they always go crazy and try to take over the world.
Don't give me that, we all know she's the kind of pony that numbers her smiles.
Whether or not Twihard got the joke it didn't stop her, "Nevertheless, I would still love to hear more about you."
"I bet you would," he winked at her. I faceclawed. She stared blushing again. Entropy smiled. sun-butt switched to a new numbered smile, and moony started cracking up.
The marshmallow, having loads of practice keeping high class conversations civil, decided to speak up. "Entropy, dear, you simply must tell me where you acquired such high quality faux-leather." I'm sure those loads of practice were delivered at the pillow.
"Faux? You're mistaken, all the leather I'm wearing is real."
Aaaand the conversation stopped and much pale-ing ensued. "H-how--"
"Oh no need to worry, all the leather we use is harvested with full consent of the cows involved. The companies usually offer to pay for the funerals and take the hide years later, after they pass." From what I'd heard about his word I know he pulled that completely out of his flank. I remember the terms 'dumbest animals alive' and 'slaughterhouse' were used. "We use a similar system for organ donations." That didn't really help with the whole paling, loss of appetite thing. Not that it stopped me from eating.
"Y-you eat organs?" Twilight stuttered out.
"Hm? No, not really. They're pretty gross. Sometimes someone's organ will fail but otherwise they're still healthy enough to live. Hopefully a compatible match will have recently passed and their life can be saved."
"How do you even give somepony an organ?" Her hesitation was consumed by some odd hypnotic curiosity.
He shrugged, "ask a doctor. Its not really my area of expertise."
She did not look satisfied. But at least with the murder allegations cleared up eating started again. The conversation fractured now with the sisters desperately trying to talk about anything that wasn't tax code, Rarity trying to comfort the yellow bitch, who did not start eating again, and blueblood annoying the pervert couple with comments that were almost sexist. I wonder if anypony has ever been kind enough to tell him to go to a divorcee club? I mean aren't sexist mutterings what they're for?!
Those kept up for the most part until the chef strutted into the room with his nose held high. "Shall we begin the main course?"
"Yes, that would be lovely." As if through psychic command the hoard of servants invaded the room again. They swiped away dishes, replaced pitchers, sneered at blueblood, loaded the table up with food, and generally made a nuisance of themselves.
"Princess I may present to you..." I didn't listen. I was to busy eyeing one of the hay fry flowers they'd put near me. When he finally finished his rant about food and all the servants were out of the room he left with a new command of, "enjoy."
Entropy reached out for said hay fry flowers and I, being the compassionate and responsible pet owner I am, smacked his hand away, "Ow," he didn't sound hurt but he glared at me, "What was that for?"
"Don't be stupid," I whispered at him, "Those are made of hay."
"What?!" he yelled quietly, "Who makes fries out of hay?"
"What else would a civilized pony make fries out of?" blueblood broke in with an annoying posh tone, "Potatoes? Like some kind of peasant?"
"That is exactly what one should make fries out of. That is what they're supposed to be made out of," Entropy glared at him indignantly.
"Hmph, as I said, we here in the castle are not peasants." I can not describe how painful it is to listen to his voice. But imagine if swarms of the must ugly monstrosities you can think of, shouldn't be to hard for you, were throwing spiked bowling balls at you and while continuously dumping lemon juice onto your shattered body. Imagine that happened for hours. That is how painful each syllable he speaks is.
Now that I think of it maybe that's why cake-flanks put me next to him. What a bitch.
"Every single person where I'm from eats potato fries. Even people who have more money than someone like you could even imagine."
"Well I think that says a lot of about you're race. Nearly as much as wearing something as distasteful as another's skin," he was smirking. Seeing that was about as painful as having one of those spiked, lemon juice coated bowling balls shoved up my flank.
"You know what says more about my race?" He leaned over to whisper in the snob's ear, loomed over him would be more accurate. "When we slaughtered our royalty and aristocracy, even the children." The blue-bastard's smirk fell away and was replaced with barely hidden fear. Entropy sat back straight, "I should tell you about the red rebellions some time, I'm sure it would be very educational for someone like you."
The fool didn't say anything back, which was ironically smart, and my pet smiled like an angel.
Twilight, unfortunately, heard that Entropy would be educating, "What are the red rebellions?"
"Oh just a series of rebellions led by the communists. And before you ask they're a political movement. At the fundamentals their philosophy starts with the argument that needs out weight property rights. They use that argument to justify taking political power and establishing an all-powerful state."
Rarity interrupted the inevitable question with her own, "You make it sound like giving ponies what they need is a bad thing."
"I've got no problem with giving people what they need. But the communists didn't really do that, they caused a lot of deaths wherever they took over. In fact even if the majority of the movement is only trying to do good the problem is that their leaders only goal is to take power for themselves, not to actually help anybody."
"I think this discussion requires a bit more knowledge of your kind to continue," what do you know, sun-butt actually being wise for once. "Would you care to tell us a little about your kind?"
Being the proud new owner of a human I was very interesting in this.
"Sure I suppose I could talk about us. Not our weapons of course," he said with a wink. That armor dude kind of glowered at us. "I guess there are two things you really need to know before you can understand us. The first thing I'll explain with an old legend."
"Thousands of years ago the god Zeus created the first humans with the dust of the earth. He made us with four legs, four arms and two heads. He soon grew to fear our power. He feared that we would overthrow him as he'd overthrown his own father. And so he divided us. He split us into men and women, each with two legs, two arms, and one head. But remember, he only made us with one torso, which only had one heart. And so every human alive today now only carries half a heart in their chest. This leaves us with a void. A void that we can never truly fill without our other half."
"This is where the idea of the soulmate comes from. We all need that one person who completes us. But finding them is very hard and many never do. This leaves us running around doing everything we can to fill that void temporarily. Some fill it the void in very good ways. Creating beautiful works of art, helping other, or doing productive and valuable work. Other find worse ways do fill the void, taking drugs, drinking, over eating, many commit crimes and do horrible things. But the fact remains that everyone is just trying to fill that void."
I nudged him softly and gave him my best supportive smile. "My that's tragic," Rarity said, interrupting the moment I was trying to have.
"It is, of course its just a legend. There's no such thing as a soulmate, and Zeus doesn't really exist, but its a good way to explain the idea. We're just hard creatures to satisfy without love."
"Sounds kind of like a changeling," Rainbow Dash muttered. Everypony but should-get-a-shiner armor ignored her.
"That is very interesting. Thank you for sharing that with us Entropy."
"Oh its no problem at all Princess." Aww... luna looked like she was nursing her own void. I successfully suppressed a chuckle.
"Would you care to explain to second thing?" Twilight said from behind a notebook that she had pulled from somewhere that was probably unspeakable.
"Sure. The next idea is that everybody's gotta sleep at night." Everypony looked blanking at him during the half a second he didn't talk. "Which can't happen if your conscience is badgering you. You see most of us need to think of ourselves as 'not evil.' Now I doubt that's to far off from you ponies. But the interesting thing happens when we get to easing our consciences. I don't know about you ponies but we're very mentally flexible. A human can do basically anything and not feel those mental pangs as long as they can justify it. Anything from eating that cookie you really shouldn't have to mass murder."
So that shiny-dude went back to glowering, along with Rainbow. blueblood looked thoroughly scared.
"Of course the worse a crime it is, and the less its socially accepted it is the harder it is to justify it to yourself. The real danger is when large societies of people believe one horrible thing and crush any argument against it. That's what happened to a country called Germany when they got taken over by a political party called the Nazis. They fed an already angry and desperate people a hateful and violent narrative and crushed all opposing views.
"For a while they stabilized a country fallen on hard times, but as they expanded their power they got more authoritarian. Eventually they started the second world war and the most well known genocide in history. Its jarring to think about it but many of the Nazis thought that the horrible things they were doing were actually a good thing. They had never heard of other arguments because anyone that would accuse them of a crime was simply black bagged. Their heads were filled with delusions of 'the noble destiny of the German people,' bad concepts of glory, and the adoration of the women at home."
"That is horrifying," celly was grimacing. I couldn't blame her, I was too.
"Yes it is. its probably the most horrible thing about us. But it comes from a place of survival."
"Please, do elaborate."
"Of course. You see we're tribal creatures. We evolved in social groups that tended to max out somewhere around 150. Tribes generally had 4 groups that I'll talk about. There was the chief class, the warrior class, the witch doctor class, and the commoner class. The chief dictated social policy and took tribute, and the warriors were his enforcers within the tribe. Now people are generally smart when it comes to our own self interest and we age. So of course the chief knows that eventually some enterprising warrior is going to challenge him for dominance and he's going to win. So how does the chief keep power even as he grows weak from age? How does he pass his position onto his son who may just not be as strong as him? Well, he goes to the witch doctors.
"These are the people that handle the moral beliefs of the tribe. Witch doctor is a bit of a loaded term, but they can be anything from the sophists, priests, propagandists or intellectuals of a society. Basically any group that handles beliefs and social cohesion. Its irrelevant whether or not what they say is true, just that they speak a narrative. Today they are the reporters."
"Anyway, the chief goes to the witch doctors and demands that they preach a narrative of his right to rule. The most common ones are that his family descends from the gods or that he raises the sun." Everypony in the room stiffened at that. Oh gods Entropy pull your foot out of your mouth. "One of the more notable ones is called 'the divine right of kings.' Which said that the king had the creator of the universe's permission to rule and that everything he decreed is what God decreed. This is an example of how dangerous the witch doctor class is. Originally divine right was argued in Europe as saying that the king only had the right to do what God would approve of. They quickly changed this."
"But I'm getting a little off track. The reason the chief would go to the witch doctors is because they had the had the moral authority in the tribe, whatever they said went. So if the chief had the right to rule anyone that challenged him was immediately in the wrong. So even if that enterprising warrior won he'd probably be hated by all and end up banished or killed."
"Now I bet you're asking yourself 'why would everyone just accept the witch doctors' words?' Or 'why would they help the chief like that?' Well because the chief gave them their authority, mostly by killing off the competing witch doctors in the tribe. The enforcers would beat, kill, or force ostracism onto anybody that argued with the witch doctors. Without other arguments they dominated the tribe's narrative, and people would just accept it. The commoners would have to swallow their words."
"That's how we get to the concept of 'The Truth is Tribal.' See its much easier to actually accept the argument rather than to pretend to. And so with a threat hanging in the air humans evolved to have flexible morality. We can change our thoughts based on new justifications instantly. Most of this is socially driven, its based on what those around you believe and your own personal investment in an idea. Most people never realize their beliefs are based on this rather than the truth and rarely notice when the social narrative changes. Most will call you crazy for even acknowledging the change."
"And so with that history in mind its pretty easy to imagine how the horrors of Nazi Germany happened and how easy it is for an unenlightened human to do terrible things with a clear conscience."
Nopony really talked for a while after that. The only sounds that filtered through the air were of silverware, plates, and eating. Oh, also Twilight's insane scribblings. I didn't really know what to think. There was just so much information in there. His world must be absolutely upside down... This has got to be where he gets his sense of humor.
Might I suggest a late intermission.
When conversations, now with a more thoughtful tone, started to bloom the chef decided to interrupt again. "Are we ready for dessert?"
"We are," cake-flanks of course said yes immediately, without hesitation and without even looking around the table to see if everyone was done eating. I mean we were, but that's not the point.
The servants quickly swarmed us like changelings over Canterlot. Everypony surrendered to the invasion immediately, just like changelings over Canterlot. Well everypony except should-have-a-bloody-nose-blue, he was still trying to scarf down more of his oh-so-fancy hay fries. The servants responded with just the right amount of resentful sneering. They all hated him. Down to the last midnight janitor they hated him. Even though I'm pretty sure he hired them all. I'll bet that gratitude vanished the moment he tried to 'seduce' them. Not that the pig is capable of seducing anything. That's just eww.
"Princess, may I present to you a luxurious raspberry cheesecake, sprinkled with rose petals grown in the highest of griffin mountains." The servants placed their dishes in synchronized order. "Enjoy," he commanded. I'll bet she hates that line. After hearing it 3 times a day every day for a thousand years I bet every time she hears it she feels an unstoppable urge to crash the sun onto that idiot's head. I bet one day she's going to snap and do it. Three times a day we all get that must closer to death.
Ooh this cake looks delicious. I took my first bite, and what do you know, it was luxurious. Or whatever.
Then bluebitch started speaking again. He did his best to ruin desert for the two perverts. I'm pretty sure it worked. Which turned his annoying grating into the joyous sound of the pain of those that annoy me. Somepony seriously needs to send him to a divorcee's club. He's send them all straight back into their ex-wives' arms. Boom! All divorce problems solved. Just introduce them to b-bitch for 15 minutes. Maybe less!
I noticed Entropy had picked off all the rose petals off his luxurious-raspberry-cheesecake, insert snobbish tone here, so I swiped them up and started munching on them. Ingrate.
With dinner finally done and conversation dying into satisfied mumbling celestia spoke up, "Would anypony care to retire with me to the tea room?"
A chorus of yes-es followed her. I started to say, "I don't k--" and was immediately interrupted by my stupid, stupid pet.
"That would be lovely," he said him a smile directed at me.
The only good thing about that was that bluebitch declined the invitation.
