“Hello, and welcome to Canterlot Inbox. I am your host, Princess Luna, and with me is the illustrious Rainbow Dash. Say hello, Dash.”
“Hi.”
“So, you ready to just jump in?”
“Yes.”
“We’re going twice as many questions this time, correct?”
“Yes.”
“Is yes your favorite word?”
“Yes.”
“Let’s start! First question comes from Zachurra, who asks: ‘Dear Princess Luna, It's rumored that not only do you control the lovely moon, but the stars in the sky as well. Any truth to this?’ Good question. It’s a half-truth. I can’t directly control them. I can control when they come out, though, by making the sky darker, reducing contrast, by raising the moon. If I didn’t raise the moon, the sky couldn’t become darker, and I couldn’t make stars come out.”
“Interesting.”
“You sarcastic fuck, you.”
“It’s one of my better qualities.”
“Next question comes from Razalon, the motherfuckiest of all the motherfuckers you know, who asks: ‘Dear CI team, Dash - You're right; I should've been happy to get rich off your swearing. I mean, it's not like I'm an alien species stuck in Equestria, living in a hole in the ground, and has to steal food from Fluttershy to survive. (obvious sarcasm is obvious) Anyway, here's my question: of all the colors of your mane, which is your least favorite? Luna - Yes, Luna, I know you're not Nightmare Moon (obvious momentary memory loss is obvious). Which game is better, Super Stallion Bros or Mega Mare? Whole CI team - On what date do you predict the world will end?’ So, to answer your question, Razzy, Super Stallion Bros. is better, because it’s fun to play with friends.The world will end when the world ceases to exist.”
“Razzy, if you steal from Fluttershy, I will get a dunk tank, fill it with a mixture of salt and lemon juice, cover you in small cuts, tie cinderblocks to your ankles, push you in, and laugh while you drown, all while your cuts burn with the fire of a thousand suns. Also, my least favorite mane color is yellow. And the world will end the moment you find love, because we all know that’ll never happen!”
“Well, shit.”
“I’m defensive of my friends, man!”
“Next question comes from snowflower, who asks: ‘Dear CI, What would you do if Celestia wanted you to decide who she should fuck? Who would you choose? From 123Moviestar’. Well, we got a question from someone with multiple personalities. That’s a first. To answer your question, I would choose Cadence, because she’s the princess of love, at that means that she’s the best at sex, right?”
“That...makes sense. I really can’t argue with that.”
“Next question comes from Shadow Night, who asks: ‘Dear Canterlot Inbox team
If you were locked in a room with absolutely no way of escape with one pony to spend the rest of your life with, who would it be and why?’ I would pick Cadence for the same reasons as why Celestia should fuck her.”
“I agree.”
“Cadence is pretty popular, huh?”
“She’s super-cool!”
“She is pretty chill. Next question comes from Alicorn of Chaos, who asks: ‘Dear Rainbow Dash and Guest Star(s). Did you know Twilight is actually Nightmare Moon and Discords daughter?’ Dear Alicorn of Chaos, did you know you’re a fucking idiot? That would make Twilight thousands of years old, you anachronistic fuck. Next question!”
“Well, then…”
“Next question comes from Stage Quill, who asks: ‘Dear Inbox Team, What is your most embarrassing memory from school?’ For me, it would be the time when I summoned a large lobster that terrorized school. That was kinda embarrassing.”
“For me, it would be the time when I broke my wing doing an amazing stunt in front of everyone.”
“I see. Well, that wraps us up this episode of Canterlot Inbox. See you next week!”