//------------------------------// // 00 - This is gonna be Good. (Redux Edition) // Story: But I AM Evil! // by TheNextGamer //------------------------------// It was today. Today was the day when the history of an alien world would change forever... again. The day where Equestria would change its face. The special day where the citizens of the land everywhere, would cheer and celebrate! There I was, marching up the steps in front of her throne. The Solar Monarch smiled motherly as she stood from her throne and walked right up to me. The entire room was filled with the land's citizens and robots, staring and holding their breaths, (except the robots. They were just staring). The front row consisted of all of my loyal minions, including the six familiar girls who I proudly called my most trusted henchmen, and my dearest friends. The princess in front of me moved to bow her head, until I raised my hand and interrupted her. "Wait." She looked up at me in confusion, so I elaborated. "Don't... Don't do the 'bowing' thing. Just... salute." The princess did so, and although I couldn't see it, I had a feeling that most of my henchmen were smiling at me right now. She looked me in the eye, and I looked back at hers. These were the same eyes which had once been filled with doubt and anger, that once belonged to one who swore that she would get rid of me. I smiled, because I knew those eyes now belonged to a trusted partner. And then she said the words that would change Equestria forever. "I, Princess Celestia, exchange my crown and leadership to you, and vow to serve under you, and your empire, Evil Lord Emperor Connery NotEvilGuy, leader of the new Evil Overlord Empire of Equestria." "WOAH! HOLD THE PHONE! HEY NOW. WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING RIGHT HERE?" Is probably what your face is saying right now. Your face's mouth is also probably uttering the following sentences, "What the hell is going on?", "Why is Celestia giving away her leadership?", and most likely "Wow, not even ten minutes in, and I could already tell this is going to be a shitty story." Firstly, as a response to your third statement: Keep that shit to yourselves, jerks. Now to answer your second question: Look at the answer for question one. Lastly, to answer your first question: It could ALL be answered by reading the story, which is conveniently going to be told... right... ABOUT... wait for it... ... ... ... NOW! But I AM Evil! Prologue: A Mad Genius Who Rules With A Feathery and Fluffy Iron Fist! So it all started on the other legendary day when Equestria had one of the most fuck-upiest days ever... again. So there she was, Princess Celestia, ruler of Equestria, a few weeks after the recent incident, where her niece's wedding (or at least I think it was her niece, I don't know, there was never any "Royal Monarch family-line Guide" the whole time I was over here,) was just crashed by invading insect bug ponies that sucked the "love" right outta ya. Long story short, bug ponies lost, happy ending for the last short remaining surviving ponies, newlyweds went on their honeymoon, then proceeded to do the "nasty" in bed. Anyway, here was Celestia, presently in her courtroom, doing court things, such as listening to ponies bitching all day about their first-world problems, like how they don't like their neighbors, how they want the sun to stop making the place so hot, how some guy's brother died during the invasion and now they don't have any income money to support themselves and live in the streets and the baby sister has cancer. Pffft, stupid first-world problems. If you'd ask her today, she would deny it, but I knew that she wished for something exciting to happen at that specific particular moment. And at THAT specific particular moment, my life just got fucked over, right up in the ass. Best day of my life. During a very long rant of one of the ponies, a strong sudden gust of wind flowed around the room, interrupting them. The papers flew out of their hooves, and were flying about everywhere! Then a light appeared in the middle of the room, shining brightly enough that most of the ponies had to reflexively cover their eyes. Except this one guard, who pulled out some convenient, badass aviators. Props to that guard. The light shined brighter, and suddenly, the sound-effect of ripping cloth fabrics could be heard, as the light showed that there was a small blue line, which expanded steadily, growing into a big blue hole. The room steadily picked up wind. Soon, there was so much wind that most of the ponies had to hold on to something for dear life, scared that they might be violently blown away! Except that one badass aviators guard. He was just chillaxing there like a bawss. Props to that guard. As the bright blue hole got bigger, a faint sound came from within. The sound slowly grew louder, as whatever was in the hole got closer and closer! "......uuuuuuuuuuuUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!" I yelled, and out came ME! The main character of this special story! I flew out of the portal and landed right in front of the monarch, grunting out of pain. Immediately after that, the portal which I had plopped out of disappeared. The wind stopped blowing, the papers landed gently on the floor, ponies in the room were scattered about (except that one guard with the badass aviators. Props). The whole courtroom was a giant mess. The strange being, which was me by the way, in front of the princess groaned from pain and nausea. The ponies gathered around, staring at me with curiosity and fear. Celestia, however, was more curious and cautious. I suddenly hopped up, to which the ponies gasped in surprise. I looked around the room through my "Evil-Goggles™" I pulled the goggles up my head and took out my glasses. Looking around, I saw horses. Horses with wings and horns, or both. Horses that defied all of natural nature and logic, horses that DEFIED SCIENCE ITSELF! And the only thing I could think of to say at that moment... "Well... This is gonna be good."