Thankfully it hadn’t taken me long to clean the mess I had made in the kitchen, and I walked in to find the pony sipping away at her hot chocolate as she sat in my large armchair, which rested in the center of the living room. I sat down in the rolling chair in front of my computer desk and drawing table, which was located in the corner of the room that shared a wall with my bedroom. Trying to be as casual as possible so as to not warrant any concern from my ‘guest,’ I leaned back slowly and meshed my fingers together beneath my chin.
“…I’d just like to start off by apologizing about my earlier actions. It was the bad combination of a sugar rush and realizing I was standing next to a purple talking fairy tale creature, and I over reacted.”
Twilight rolled her eyes casually. “Its fine, I guess. To be honest, I was expecting far worse.”
“So…” I began, keeping my eyes on the purple unicorn sitting in my comfy arm chair. Twilight swallowed what cocoa she had in her mouth and lowered the mug to her lap as her gaze met mine. “…Who should go first?”
“I’ll start, if you don’t mind.”
I shrugged. “By all means, ask away.”
“I’d like to know where I am, and how exactly I came to be here. The last thing I remember before waking up in your bathtub is a blinding white light.”
I swallowed nervously at the last part. Yes, it was an accident, but I still had no idea about this thing’s intentions. For all I knew, this ‘happy-cheerful’ stuff could be nothing but a ruse, masking some kind of dark intent of vengeance. I would have to approach the subject very carefully.
“Well,” I began, “To answer where you are, you’re in a three room lake cabin that’s Isolated and relatively secluded from the world. The city is mostly across the lake, on the island-like inlet and the surrounding areas past it, but I don’t really think that’s important at the moment. As for how you got here…” Oh man, here’s the hard part. “Well, I found you in the road on the way here, and I couldn’t just let a hurt animal lay in the middle of the street with a head injury. You would’ve died.” Yes, good. That’s the truth. It’s not the whole truth, but it’ll do for now.
“So… you just found me lying in the road?” She reached her open hoof up to the bandages around her head. Her eyes seemed to look off into the distance, as if something was troubling her.
“Yea,” I said, cutting into her train of thought. I could only hope it didn’t involve my hitting her. “Lyin’ there with that nasty bump. How’s it doin’, by the way?”
Twilight’s eyes focused back on me. “Oh, it’s doing fine.” She said in a softer tone of voice. “Thanks again for helping me like that.”
I shrugged casually. “No problem. Though to be honest, considering the circumstances, I think you’re lucky someone else didn’t run into you.” …Damn, did I really just say that?! “Chances are most other people would’ve freaked out and called the cops, or something like that.”
"Cops?”
“Local law enforcment. You know, the guys who catch criminals and stuff.” Twilight nodded, taking in every word I said. “But yea, I figured calling them wouldn’t be a smart thing to do, considering. I mean, I have no idea what you are or where you come from. The last thing I’d want is something bad happening and getting either of us in trouble… Speaking of which, I think it’s time for some of my questions.”
“Go right ahead,” Twilight responded. “I mean, Celestia knows, you must be pretty curious about me.”
I stared at her blankly for a second, puzzled over what this 'celestia' might be. “Riiiight… So, um, what exactly are you? And, if you don’t mind, how and why are you here?”
“Mmm…” she initially responded. I could tell by the way she scrunched her lips that she was conflicted about saying something. “Well, I’m a pony, a unicorn to be more specific, from the land of Equestria.”
“Appropriate name for a place filled with unicorns,” I said with a touch of harmless sarcasm.
“Well not just unicorns, but pegasi and earth ponies as well. Our three species live in harmony, and our lands thrive,” she continued, sounding like she was at the brink of a cocoa-driven lecture.
“Sounds sweet, I guess,” I replied, not really sure how to picture such a place. “Ok, so why are you here? Did something go horribly wrong and you made a hasty escape?”
“Huh?”
“Or were you sent here to destroy mankind?”
“W-what?! No, I-“
“Or are you here to study us, learn about our customs and characteristics so that you may get a better understanding of our species?”
Twilight looked at me with a dumfounded look on her face. “Actually… you pretty much nailed it with the latter,but, how did you-“
“Collaborated knowledge from movies, video games, and the internet.” I said proudly, crossing my arms. “And to think, most people think they make you more dumber.” I grinned slyly at my intentionally incorrect wording.
“…Right. Well, as you guessed, I was tasked by my leaders to come here and study mankind incognito. Though I guess the incognito part was kind of ruined when you found me in the road.”
I couldn’t help but chuckle a bit. “Yea, not the best place to, um… arrive, I guess. Just how did you get here, anyways?”
“Oh, I used an advanced teleportation spell. Though, I’m not sure whether it was the spell, or the concussion, but I can’t do much magic at the moment. So much for my disguise,” she said, whispering the last part.
“What was that?” I said with a cocked eyebrow.
“N-nothing. In any case, I’m sure my magic will recharge over time.”
Now it was my turn to have a dumfounded look on their face. “Spells? Magic? You’re kidding, right? That stuff doesn’t exist here.”
“You can guess why I’m here, but you don’t believe me when I tell you about magic? Also, you don’t have any magic here?”
“Nope. Well, aside from works of fiction, there’s acts and cheap parlor tricks, but all that is staged. But hey, who needs magic when we got the intellect to create almost anything. Emphasis on the ‘almost.’”
Twilight opened her mouth as if to say something, but I beat her to it. “But that can wait ‘til later.” I said, resulting in a pout from the unicorn.
“Something else I’d like to know is, how were you planning on studying us? I mean, I’m pretty sure people you notice something like you walking around.”
“Well, there again, I know a special spell to turn me into a human, and still retain my magical abilities. Even though I was taught by my mentor, it still took me almost a month to master it.”
My brow furrowed. “Wait, you’re here to study humans, right? But this is your first time seeing one, I presume?” I asked as I began to grow a bit concerned.
“In person, yes.”
“…Then how did you know how we looked like, much less how to change your body to match that of a human’s?”
Twilight paused to contemplate the question. “Well, my mentor showed me how, step by step. She even lent me a diagram or two on human anatomy to study so that I wouldn’t be damaging myself internally during the transformation. However, I’m not sure how she knows about human anatomy. When I asked her about it, she never really gave me a straight answer…”
“Well gee, that’s not suspicious at all,” I remarked, this time allowing my sarcasm to flow freely. But seriously though, something about what she was saying made me incredibly uncomfortable. But, not wanting to take the risk, I concluded to inquire upon the subject at a later time.
“Right, well… is there anything else you’d like to know?” she asked. I rubbed my chin in thought for a second.
“Nnnnnope, I got nothin’ else right now. Maybe later, though.”
“Guess it’s my turn,” she said, leaning up in my chair. “So, do you know anything else about what happened to me in the road? I mean, what do you think hit me?”
“Probably a car. They have a nasty tendency to drive on roads, you see,” I said jokingly to try and cover for my twitching eye. “Then again, do you even know what a car is?”
“Nope,” she said with a shake of her head.
“Well, where to begin… You see, a car is a complicated machine. It’s got a fuel-driven engine that turns a set of four wheels beneath it-“
“So it’s an automobile?”
“Yea, basically.” A puzzled look grew on my face. “But I thought you said you didn’t know what a car was.”
“I know what an automobile is, yes. I’ve just never heard it called a ‘car’ before. Besides, only the richer ponies use them as a sort of luxury.”
“hmph. We’ve moved far beyond that over here. Cars are mass-produced on a factory lines day by day.” I said, thinking back to what it might have been like in the early 1900’s, back when cars were the newest ‘craze’.
“Woah… that sounds amazing,” Twilight said in a sense of awe, her eyes growing ever bigger.
“I suppose. Though, I don’t know much about that sort of thing. Anything else you’d like to know?” Twilight shook her head to clear away the initial fascination.
“Right, sorry. So you say I was hit by a car? How do you think it happened?”
“Well, I’m just guessing here, but I’d say you accidentally ‘teleported’ in front of one as it was driving by. Not that I’d know that, of course. I didn’t see anything or anyone around when I found you,” I said, beginning to get nervous.
“C’mon man, keep it together!” a voice in my head said. As it did, two mental duplicates of myself appeared in my head. One had a white shirt that said ‘impulse’ in black, whereas the other had a black shirt that said ‘logic’.
“Don’t you crack now, man, you don’t know what this thing’ll do if it knows you hit her!” Logic continued sternly.
“Dangit, we can’t keep lying forever!” Impulse interjected. “She’s gonna find out, man! I know it!”
“I said keep it together!” Logic said as he grabbed Impulse’s shirt. “We can’t let ourselves slip!”
“Oh man…” Impulse said, his lip beginning to quiver. “What if it really is magical? What if it’s reading our mind? What if it already knows we hit it, and is just toying with us while it waits for its moment to strike?!”
“What are you, crazy?” Logic slapped impulse across the face. “It can’t read minds, you idiot!”
“If it can teleport here and turn itself into a human, who says it can’t read minds?” They both looked to Twilight, who just sat there looking at me in silence. A nervous look was growing on her face as I sat there.
“Oh lord…” Logic said in a deep, fearful voice. “You’re right… Quickly, act natural! Lalalalalalalalala-”
Twilight shifted her eyes a bit, slowly taking another sip of her cup o’ jimmie.
“It’s not workin man! She’s onto us!” Impulse cried out in panic.
“Damnit! Act more natural! LALALALALALALALALALALA-“
“So-“ Twilight said, breaking the silence.
“Hmm?” I blinked a few times to regain focus.
“I, uh… I was wondering, why did you react the way you did when you heard my name? Something about a movie?”
“Oh, that-”
“Thank heavens, she’s changing the subject,” Logic said with a relieved sigh.
“-Well, the ‘Twilight’ films are movie renditions of a popular book series about vampires and werewolves and crap. It’s just… the movies are so horrible. The story is bunk, the characters are about as bland as a bowl of rice, and… and… its shit!” Twilight’s eyes widened slightly at the cursing.
“Some idiot teenager chick falls in love with a moronic emo vampire named Edward, who I loathe in particular for making my name look bad, and then some werewolf falls in love with her, and a war starts, and she gets pregnant, and she dies, and then she’s a vampire, and vampires don’t F*CKING SPARKLE IN THE SUN-“ I cut myself short, realizing I was losing my grip. “…Sorry, I can get carried away at times. But yea, I’m not a fan.”
“Well…” Twilight blinked her widened eyes. “That’s, um… I guess that explains why you freaked out earlier.” I nodded my head to one side.
“Anyways, changing the subject, are you hungry? Cause’ I sure am.”
“I could go for something a bit more substantial than a cup of hot chocolate, yes.”
“How’s pancakes and eggs sound?” A grin began to spread across my face.
“That sounds good!”
“Not only that, but they are good. I don’t want to seem like I’m bragging, but I can make some pretty darn good pancakes.” I chuckled. “Heck, I’d even go so far as to say it’s my special talent. Though my other hobbies would be a close second,” I said, motioning to the work station behind me.
“Oooh, what do you do?”
“Banker by profession, but writer, drawer, and part-time animator by personal interest. I’ve written a couple of popular stories so far, though I’m focusing a bit more on the drawing side of things recently.”
“Sounds interesting” she continued, looking past me to the equipment I had set up.
“It has its ups and downs, but more on that later. I’m hungry!” I stood up and walked over to Twilight. “You want another glass o’ jimmie before I get cookin?” She nodded and held up the mug with a hoof. I grabbed the mug but paused for a second, wondering how she was even able to hold it without any fingers.
“Thanks,” she said kindly, cutting off my curious thought.
“Huh? Oh, right, no problem.” I turned and walked to the kitchen with a smile on my face.
“That’s right, go make her some of your pancakes. Anything to keep her from asking us about how she got hit,” Logic said.
“Shhhhh! She could still be listening!” Impulse waved his arms around, but Logic pushed him away.
“Right, act natural. Just smile and wave, friend,” Logic said as I turned and gave a little wave, to which Twilight smiled and returned the kind gesture.
“Just smile and wave.”