Alright. So if all this pony crap isn't crazy enough, I'm pretty sure I had my DREAMS invaded. Just when you think I could be safe in the solitude of my own mind for one measly dream, perhaps with a pretty lady or my TF2 stats, I get my mind read. I'm just glad this dream was... tame.
So I was lying in a field of flowers, like at the end of Metal Gear Solid 3 (I'm even wearing Snake's white camo) when the sky goes dark. I looked up to find that the moon had risen, much earlier than anticipated. It was kinda creepy, to be honest. I'm pretty sure there was a theremin playing in the background, but it was like a dubstep theremin. So like, if the Twilight Zone was a JRPG, this sounded like the last bosses theme.
But then, the unexpected happened. I could see a shadow descend from the moon, at first looking like a meteor. I squinted a bit to find that the falling thing had wings, and was slightly blue. I started thinking through my list of video game characters, but nothing fit.
Now, I know what all you genre-savvy readers are thinking. It's Luna, Princess of the night and Dream Realm! You're in Equestria now! Luna can see into your mind! LUNA CAN SEE INTO YOUR SOOOOUUUUL! Well, to that reader I would respond that I was FRIGGIN DREAMING, and this wasn't no lucid dream crap either. No, this was a full-on "I don't remember why I thought this" dream.
So it should not be surprising that when she landed, I was shocked to see Luna. I thought she was going to invade Russia, but instead she just kinda talked to me.
"Good Sir, we wish to request that you give us your name. You are a human, correct?" She said, in a voice that seemed ancient and powerful.
I was still dreaming, though, and my mind dropped into RP mode. So of course, my initial response was "I am Snake, student of the Boss and American covert-ops agent." Stupid, stupid, stupid.
"And Sir... Snake, are you aware of where you are?" She said, cocking her head.
"I'm waiting for extraction from Northern Russia. I just completed my mission." I said, trying to put on my best war face. I'm sure this confused her even more.
The all-knowing Princess continued "I am unfamiliar with any place called "Rusha" in Equestria. Perhaps you are lost?"
"No, I'm certain that's where I am right now. So a better question, what are you doing here, Princess Luna? To start a New Lunar Republic? The U.L.S.R.? Hmm?"
I think this surprised her. "Thou knoweth my name? And... How did you..." She shook her head, like in those cartoons when Tom gets hit in the head with a frying pan, and just shakes it of. "Tell me how you came to this information, Sir Snake."
"Oh? Is that a threat?"
"What? No, we would never..."
"I'm afraid my intel sources are classified. Even from the Princess of the Night." I replied.
"So, you won't tell me a thing?"
I shook my head.
Luna looked at me for a long minute, and then closed her eyes. "I will go report back to my sister now." And with that, she phased out.
I went on to have a really good dream. It was like Metal Gear Solid 4, but with Pokemon and Samus. It was when I woke up that all Tartarus broke loose.