Fluttershy once again found herself getting dragged out from under something. She tried to dig her hooves in, but she couldn't get any purchase on the wooden floor. Everypony, and most of the humans were staring at her.
"Excuse me, I didn't know Trixie was going to be here, if it's not too much trouble, maybe I could go back home?" Fluttershy said.
"The Great and Powerful Trixie also wishes for the yellow one to be gone." Trixie said. "How can Trixie get her big break when the purple menace is sure to show up?"
"Hating Barney is so nineteen nineties." Said a Human mare wearing a black shirt with a funny looking neck. "Unless your trying to be ironic, but I don't think Roxie over there has an ironic bone in her body.
"The Great and Powerful Trixie has no idea who your Roxie is." Trixie replied.
"Oh, Roxie looks like she's sensitive about her name." the mare repeated.
"Hey, can I stroke your mane?" another one of the Humans asked Fluttershy.
This human was a stallion, actually he was probably still a colt. Fluttershy studied him. He was overweight, and he didn't exactly smell clean.
"You'll have to excuse him. He's a clopper." The Human mare said.
"A clopper?" Fluttershy asked.
"Someone who gets their nuts off pleasuring themselves to pictures of naked talking horse." The mare replied.
Fluttershy still wasn't sure what the Human was talking about.
"What do you mean?" Fluttershy replied.
"See, there are these things called the birds and the bees, and your mother should have told you about such things. Don't they have sex ed in Ponyland?" the Mare replied.
Suddenly, Fluttershy was very aware that she was a naked talking horse. She yelped, and tried to cover herself as well as she could.
"It's called Equestria!" another Human colt shouted.
"Your mother must be very proud of you for going out in the world despite your disability." The mare responded.
The curtain in front of them rose, revealing a stage, with a Rainbow Dash sitting on top of a podium. Fluttershy tried to hide behind one of the Humans, making sure to stay well away from the clopper.
"Uh, my name is Rainbow Dash. Uhm, well you might know me from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Was I supposed to say that? Oh, I'm definitely supposed to say that My Little Pony will be returning with new episodes in July, on the The Education Network, home of I married two Polygamists!" Rainbow Dash said. "Uh, what's a polygamist?"
The audience laughed, and Dash nodded.
"Uhm, I'll be here all week?" the Pegasus said.
Fluttershy could tell that her friend wasn't sure if they were laughing at her, or with her. Fluttershy didn't know what a polygamist was either, so she wasn't sure either way.
"Do you horses like live under a rock or something in Ponyland." the Human mare asked.
"Uh, well I guess I'm supposed to introduce Pony Shore? Right? So, well I guess there is like this new show, and it's gonna be like 20% cooler 'cause it includes my very best friend, Fluttershy!" Rainbow Dash said.
One of the circles of light that had been shining on Rainbow Dash moved so that it was shining on Fluttershy. Fluttershy meeped, and tried to get out of the circle of light, but it was chasing her. She flapped her wings, in an attempt to get away, but of course they didn't work here. There was a tremendous noise, as the Humans out in the room beyond rose to their hooves, and started knocking their front hooves together.
"It also features some other people, and some ponies." Rainbow Dash said.
Dash was squinting at a machine in front of her.
"You want me to introduce the other people/ponies?" Dash said. "Alright, so we have... I'm not saying the great and powerful. We have Trixie."
Fluttershy breathed a sigh of relief as the circle moved on to torment Trixie. Trixie looked like she was enjoying being in the circle of light. The Humans out in the room beyond the stage knocked their hooves together politely for Trixie, but no one stood up for her.
"Next, from Brooklyn, its Shelby Havre. Uh, well I guess she's famous for like being a Llama, which is weird, because she looks like a Human." Dash continued.
The mare in the strange necked shirt leaned in over Rainbow Dash.
"Its not Llama as in the animal you numb skull." Shelby said.
There was a resounding booing coming from the audience, or at least the back part of the audience.
"No one disses Dash!" Someone shouted from the back.
"How cute, if you want to hang around after the party, maybe I'll blog about you. That is if your mommy doesn't mind." Shelby said. "Everyone knows me as Facespace's Drama Lama. I dig deep into the wells of adolescent Facespace Drama so you don't have to. I also run an organic rooftop farm."
Dash tried to buck Shelby out of the way, which did very little, considering the vast size difference between the two. Trixie looked like she was trying to levitate herself to the top of the podium, but since her magic didn't work, she wasn't having much success. So, she just settled for yelling.
"The Great and Powerful Trixie wishes to say a few words about herself." Trixie said.
Shelby grabbed Trixie by the scruff of her neck, and hauled the protesting Unicorn off.
"Err uhm, well, err.... Next up, from Houston, Texas, we have Bubba Parker. Uh, I guess that he uh, won one of the uhm four Brony contest slots. It says here his favorite pony is Rainbow Dash. Hey! That's like the awesomest choice for best pony!" Rainbow Dash said.
The clopper walked up to the podium. Fluttershy was certain that his eyes were spending a little too much time studying Dash's rear. This caused Fluttershy to blush. She wondered if Rainbow Dash was aware of cloppers.
"uhm, well, from Oh... err Ah... something, Wis... something, it's Emily Newman. Uh, her favorite pony is Chrysalis. Seriously, who would have Chrysalis as their favorite pony. She isn't even a frickin' pony." Dash said.
"Oconomowoc, Wisconsin." Another Human mare said.
Emily was a short heavy mare, wearing all black. She even had black lines under her eyes. Shelby was watching Emily with a smile that reminded Fluttershy of a timber wolf that had just caught the scent of a pony.
"Chrysalis is like so much better then Molestia!" Emily said, sticking her tongue out at Dash.
"Who's Molestia?" Rainbow Dash asked.
Something told Fluttershy that this was probably a very bad question for Rainbow Dash to have asked. Shelby's smile widened, and Fluttershy prepared to hide under something if things got much worse.
"Everyone knows that Celestia only banished Luna to the moon because she was molesting her." Emily said. "That, and Luna is like totally the cooler princess."
The circle of light that had been on Rainbow Dash moved onto the floor of the room beyond the stage, where it illuminated Celestia and Luna. Luna puffed herself up, and she charged the stage. Or, she tried to charge the stage, but she was too short to reach it. Eventually she noticed the stairs, but decided against pursuing her point.
"It's okay, princest is wincest." Bubba said.
"I hope that doesn't mean what I think it means." Dash said.
"Oh, I don't know, but if you think it means that lardo over there enjoys fapping to the idea that Celestia is doing it with Luna, then you'd be about right." Shelby said.
"What's fa..." Rainbow Dash started.
She was interrupted by a bouncing pink streak.
"HeyRainbowDashyoulooklikeyouneedsomehelp." Pinkie Pie said.
Pinkie pulled some confetti out of her mane*, and threw it at Shelby. Shelby stared at Pinkie, her mouth trying to form words. In fact, almost every human that Fluttershy could see was having the same exact reaction.
"I gotta go, my new friends from someplace called Los Alamos are playing tag with me. They want to vivisect me, but that doesn't sound very fun. So I guess I can't let them catch me!" Pinkie said as she bounced off.
Just then, a group of human stallions burst through the doors at the back of the room.
"We now have permission of the institutional review board! Honest! We'll even settle for dissection! You're the missing link in the grand unified theory of everything! Please come back! Think of the science!" one of the stallions shouted as he stood panting in the middle of the room.
"Err, thanks Pinkie. Well, where was I?" Rainbow Dash said.
"You were about ask what fapping was." Shelby said.
"Youweregonnaintroducethenextbrony" Pinkie said as she bounced back on stage.
Pinkie bounced off the stage, bounced a circle around her pursuers, then bounced back out the door.
The stallions that had been pursuing Pinkie quietly retreated out of a side door.
"Well, the next person is Newton Hutchinson from La Junta, Colorado. His favorite Pony is Lyra Heartstrings. Uh, is that the green Unicorn that sits funny?" Rainbow Dash asked.
The colt who'd corrected Shelby about Equestria nodded. Fluttershy wondered why anypony would choose Lyra as their favorite pony. How would some random Human have heard of her? She wasn't exactly sure who Lyra was till Dash had described her. These Humans must be obsessed with ponies to an unhealthy extent.
"Well, our final Brony is Winslow Gallup, of Gerlach, Nevada. His favorite Pony is Twilight Sparkle" Dash shouted. "Okay, our next contestant is the Profanity Critic."
Dash stared at the thing that was telling her what to say. She had an incredulous expression on her face.
"So wait, this guy is like totally famous because he screams dirty words while watching movies?" Rainbow Dash asked. "He's from Elyria, Ohio, if anyone was wondering."
"Hey, he also shouts dirty words at video games." Shelby said.
"Our last two human competitors are Patrick and Sean from a television watchdog group. I have no idea what that means, but this thing says that they think My Little Pony is unholy. Let's see, their group is Citizens United for Normal..." Rainbow Dash said.
"Hey Rainbow Dash, do you have a tuba? 'Cause I totally lost my Tuba during the Parasprite infestation. I better find another one, just in case." Pinkie said as she bounced on to the stage.
"Uh, let's see, where was I?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"You were about to finish saying the very interesting name of the group those two jerks come from." Shelby said.
"No Silly, she was about to introduce Prince Blue Jerk." Pinkie Pie said.
"Can we perform an exorcism to cast the demons out of the room?" Patrick asked.
"Well, Celestia was just saying that Luna needed to get more exercise 'cause she was puttin' on some weight, so if you want to do some exercise, I guess it wouldn't hurt." Dash said .
Luna fled in tears as the circle of light once again found her and Celestia.
"Don't you dare insult Luna! Rainbow Crash!" Emily said.
"This is just like the gift that keeps on giving." Shelby said with a laugh.
Pinkie blew a party horn in Shelby's face.
"Sounds like someone needs a party to go with their gifts!" Pinkie Pie said.
Patrick splashed Pinkie with holy water, while chanting ominously in Latin.
"Oh, that tickles!" Pinkie giggled. "Do it some more!"
Sean collapsed, while Shelby and the Profanity Critic snickered loudly.
A white Unicorn mare with an electric blue mane burst through the doors to the room.
"Looks like I'm right on time!" the Mare shouted.
"Uhm, no you're late. The party started three hours ago." Dash said.
"No silly, that's Vinyl Scratch." Pinkie Pie said.
"Who? Never heard of her." Rainbow Dash said.
"She's like one of the contestants on the show." Pinkie Pie said. "Ooh, my Pinkie sense is tingling. Bye now!"
Pinkie bounced off.
A confused looking Human stallion came on the stage, and arranged everyone for publicity pictures. Fluttershy just wanted to get to bed. It was way past her normal bed time...