The Wheel and the Butterfly
A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga
Part 7 Dan Vs. Love
Chapter 46 Dan Vs. His Past
*****
The digital alarm next to the bed once more emitted a high-pitched, irritating buzzer sound.
Pinkie instinctively dove her hand out to the clock. To her great surprise, there wasn’t another hand there desperately trying to destroy the offending device or throw it out the window.
Pinkie turned the alarm off and threw the covers off her pink pajama clad body. Also to her great surprise, the bed was empty.
“Dan?” Pinkie called out in a slightly alarmed tone.
“I’m in here!” Dan called out from the apartment’s living room/kitchen area.
Pinkie breathed a sigh of relief and walked out of the bedroom.
Hmmm…something smells goood…
Pinkie’s eyes went wide as she stared at massive stack of pancakes Dan had piled on a plate on top of her new folding table.
“Happy breakfast!” Dan announced with a smile.
“Umm…Thanks!” Pinkie offered trying to get over her initial shock.
“I got up at like 2am and made all the G.d. pancakes.” Dan said, staring into the pile blankly.
“2am?!” Pinkie exclaimed. “Dan, how much sleep did you actually get?!”
Dan shrugged. “Enough.”
“Do you need me to make you some punch?” Pinkie asked, hints of concern in her voice.
“Naw.” Dan answered simply. He placed a glass of orange juice, an empty plate, flatware, syrup, and butter in front of Pinkie. “I figured you can eat while I take a shower.” Dan stated. “Then I can clean up here when you’re getting washed up.”
Pinkie knitted her brow and smiled meekly at Dan as she took a sizable portion of the pancake stack onto her plate. “Sure Dan, that’s very thoughtful of you.”
What the heck is going on?!
Being nice is one thing, but he just seems so distant…
Pinkie eyed Dan suspiciously as she applied butter to her pancakes and he walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.
**
Dan and Pinkie walked quietly over the streetlight lit sidewalk. Pinkie had opted to wear her white button up shirt, black best, denim cut-offs, and a pair of pink flats that displayed her cutie mark on the top of each shoe.
The two walked side by side in silence, unnerving Pinkie further who was used to either Dan bemoaning having to be up at this hour, or enthusiastically babbling on as he rode a massive caffeine high.
“Hey, Dan?” Pinkie said, breaking the silence.
“Yes, Pinkie?” Dan responded.
“Is…ummm…everything all right?”
“Everything is fine, Pinkie.” Dan responded, tone absent from his words, expression absent from his face.
“Okay, well…you just seem…distant.” Pinkie commented.
“Pinkie, I’m right here.”
“You know what I meant!” Pinkie insisted.
Dan paused. “…Look, we’ll talk later, okay?”
Pinkie raised an eyebrow. “Promise?”
Dan nodded. “Cross my heart, and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.” Dan responded, motioning his hand over his heart and placing a palm to his eye.
Pinkie giggled. “Alright, later.” Pinkie smiled softly at Dan. “Just…I’m always here if you need to talk to someone…” Pinkie offered.
Dan smiled weakly and nodded. “Of course, Pinkie.” He resumed his staring blankly into the open space in front of him.
Man, are you going to regret those words later…
***
Pinkie glared up at a few loose strands of hair that had fallen around her eyes. She opened the corner of her mouth and blew a gust of air up in a feeble attempt to get her hair into place. She continued to rest her cheek against a closed hand and fingers as she stared out from the counter into the crowded dining room area.
“Alright, one dollar, forty-five cents is your change, have a nice day!”
Pinkie pursed her lips slightly and looked over at Dan with mild concern.
Is it wrong that I’m concerned he’s being polite?!
‘Curt’ is usually as nice as he gets with the customers!
He hasn’t even yelled at Crunchy or D.H. once, and D.H. even got her tie tangled up in a cake mixer!
…It’s too quiet here…I miss Dan’s yelling…
“…And two dollars, thirty-five cents is your change, have a nice day.”
“…Dan, did you just tell me to have a nice day?” A surprised Chris asked from in front of the register.
“Sure, why not?” Dan replied.
“Because I’m pretty sure you’ve never told me to have a nice day…ever!” Chris replied.
“First time for everything.” Dan replied simply with a shrug.
Chris fired a concerned looking glance to Pinkie who merely frowned and shrugged.
“Uh, look Dan, talk to you later, okay?” Chris replied.
“Sure, Chris. Have a nice day.”
Chris turned with an expression of equal parts surprise and concerned and walked away with his large order of baked goods.
“Hey, Dan?” Pinkie said.
“Yes, Pinkie?” Dan replied, same empty tone, same blank face.
Pinkie sighed. “Never mind…”
“Sure, Pinkie.”
“AHHH! Watch out.”
As per what seemed to be a daily ritual at this point. D.H. tripped, holding a tray of rainbow colored cupcakes and launching them directly into Dan and Pinkie.
Pinkie turned to Dan as a cupcake slowly slid down and off her face.
A cupcake had nailed Dan right in the forehead, and another on his chest, yet he didn’t react in the slightest.
“I’m, so sorry!” D.H. called out. “I don’t know what went wrong!” She exclaimed, hopping to her feet and holding the now empty tray in front of her in an attempt to shield the coming wrath of Dan.
After several seconds of silence D.H. lowered the tray. “Uh…Dan? Are you okay?” She asked with a touch of concern.
“I’m fine. Why do you ask?” Dan said, turning face and cupcake towards D.H.
Crunchy walked up to the counter from the dining area. “Dude, you seem like a space case today…even to me!” Crunchy said, motioning to himself. “And that’s pretty bad…” He added.
“I’m fine, Crunchy.” Dan replied.
D.H. and Crunchy exchanged shocked glances and gasped.
“Bra, did you just refer to me by name?!” Crunchy exclaimed.
“Sure!” Dan replied. “I mean…it’s your name right! I’d call her by her name, too,” Dan motioned out to D.H. “if I actually knew it.”
D.H.’s crossed eyes widened for a second, “Oh, it’s…”
“Dan?” Pinkie interrupted.
“Yes, Pinkie?”
“You have something on your face…an entire cupcake, in fact.” Pinkie stated.
“Oh?” Dan glanced up to his forehead. “So I do!” He replied. Dan reached up to pull off the cupcake that had smashed against his head. “Huh, wonder how that got there.”
“You also have one smashed against your apron.” Pinkie added.
Dan glanced down and plucked the cupcake off his chest. “Wow! What are the odds of that, I wonder?”
Pinkie, Crunchy, and D.H. all exchanged worried looking glances.
“Hey, Dan? Why don’t you take the rest of the day off and get some rest?” Pinkie asked.
“Why, I feel fine!” Dan insisted.
Pinkie glanced at her co-workers who nodded back to her. “WE would all feel a lot better knowing you got some sleep, okay?”
“Oh…okay then.” Dan replied. “Just let me wash my face. See you back at the apartment?” Dan asked.
Pinkie nodded. “Of course, Dan.”
“Okay then. Bye everyone.”
Pinkie, Crunchy, and D.H. all waved as Dan walked back into the kitchen.
“Uh…what’s wrong with him?” Crunchy asked Pinkie.
Pinkie sighed as she wiped frosting off her face with her hand. “I wish I knew.”
“Did you two have a fight?” D.H. asked.
“No…well…I don’t think so…” Pinkie responded.
“Maybe you should just spend some quiet time alone with him and try to figure out what’s making him upset!” D.H. suggested. “That’s what my husband and I do when…”
Pinkie inhaled a staggering volume of air. “YOU’RE MARRIED?!” She replied.
D.H. smiled a crooked grin and raised her left hand. A golden ring with a giant diamond in the center surrounded by other, smaller diamonds adorned her ring finger.
“Duuude…that’s tubular!” Crunchy commented.
“Holy geez!” Pinkie exclaimed looking at the ring. “What’s your husband do?! That ring must have cost like... multiple fortunes!”
“Oh! Well, he’s a doctor!” D.H. informed.
“Wait, I sorta spaced out there for a second.” Crunchy admitted. “Who’s a doctor?”
“And we have a daughter, too!” D.H. exclaimed happily.
“Nice!” Crunchy commented.
“Oh…yeah! Great! Congratulations!” Pinkie said smiling. Her eyes widened and her smile dropped. “And now I think I need to lay down for a bit.” She turned to Crunchy and D.H. “Try not to wreck too much havoc while I’m gone, okay!” She asked sweetly.
“You can count on us!” Crunchy declared with a salute.
“Aye, Aye, ma’am!” D.H. replied with a crooked salute.
“Wally?” Pinkie called into the back office.
“Yes, Pinkie?” Wally called back.
“I sent Dan home because he was freaking everyone out with how nice he was being.” Pinkie informed.
“Uh…okay..?” Wally responded in a confused tone.
“And now I’m going to lay down for a bit and try to fit some new information into my brain…this may involve blunt trauma…” Pinkie added.
“Oh dear…”
“Yeah so…Crunchy and D.H. are running things…so…”
Wally sighed. “I’ll start praying.” He responded.
“Yeah…I thought as much…” Pinkie said, walking off towards the break room.
How the hay is she married to a doctor?! She can’t even walk ten feet without tripping over her own! AND THEY HAVE A DAUGHTER?! I hope they spent a lot of effort childproofing the house…for both child and mother…
*
Dan walked across the bakery parking lot and pulled out his phone, touching the screen a few times and putting the phone up to his ear.
“Hey, Dan.”
“Chris, could you swing by the apartment and pick me up?” Dan asked into the phone. He paused as a couple of headlights shot on and blasted him with light.
“How about I skip going to the apartment and just pick you up, now?” Chris asked.
Dan turned and squinted at the car that had flashed headlights at him.
Chris waved from the driver’s seat.
Dan turned terminated the call and walked over the passenger side of the blue sedan, opened it, and sat down. “Are you just hanging out in the bakery parking lot?” Dan exclaimed, giving Chris a surprised, suspicious look.
Chris shrugged. “Yeah, I guess I am.”
“Okaaaaay…Why?” Dan responded simply.
“Well…I guess I’m worried about you.”
“Why does everyone keep worrying about me today?! I’m fine!” Dan declared.
“Uh-huh…” Chris responded flatly. “Name five mean…no…not even mean…just rude things you’ve said to anyone today.”
Dan paused. “…Uhhh…”
“Name one!” Chris commanded.
“Alright! Okay! I’m not fine! In fact, I’m pretty damn far from it.” Dan declared.
“So…things didn’t go well with Pinkie, I take it.” Chris said with a concerned tone.
Dan shot him a glare. “For your information things went great with Pinkie! Complete success! Possibly one of my best executed schemes to date!” Dan declared.
“Oh…so…ummm…what’s wrong then?”
“Weren’t you listening?!” Dan yelled, anger finally entering into his face. “It was a scheme! I schemed to get her to love me!” Dan admitted. “Not once did I stop to think about doing anything just to make her happy! It was all just about me! IT’S ALWAYS JUST ABOUT ME!” Dan roared, holding up quaking, frustrating hands and burying his forehead in them.
The car went silent for a bit.
“Not once?” Chris asked, cocking an eyebrow.
Dan looked up and thought about this for a second. “Well…okay…maybe there was once or twice I sorta just thought about how happy Pinkie would be when she saw the mirror and I guess…it sort of made me feel warm inside…” He turned to Chris and leveled an angry index finger. “But don’t you DARE tell anyone I said that!”
Chris chuckled. “My lips are sealed.” Chris put on a wry grin. “So…those nights when Pinkie fell asleep at the bakery and you put her in the break room and snarled at the staff and customers for” –Chris air quoted—‘driving her to the point of exhaustion’, that was you only thinking of yourself, too?” Chris asked.
“I…uhhh…shut up.” Dan offered weakly.
“How’d you get her home those days, anyhow?” Chris asked. “She seemed like she could sleep through an explosion. I mean…she slept through your screaming.”
“I uh…er…carried her home those nights…” Dan admitted sheepishly.
“You…” Chris’s put on a shocked expression. “You…carried her?! Three blocks?! Up your apartment stairs! Dan! She almost certainly weighs more than you do!!”
“Yes, yes, mostly, and you better not being making fun of her weight or I’ll bleed you dry in your sleep, respectively.”
Chris rolled his eyes. “Dan, she’s definitely in better shape than me. Wait...’mostly’?”
Dan answered. “One time I ended up more crawling up the apartment stairs with her on my back.”
“Dan! This is just ridiculous at this point!” Chris declared. “Just tell her how you feel!”
“Oh, because it worked so well the last time I told a woman that!” Dan exclaimed.
Chris paused. “…Don’t tell me you’re hung up on Hortense, still!”
“That’s absurd!” Dan declared.
“Is it Dan? Is it really? Or maybe, it’s because you had a bad experience with telling a girl how you felt. Possibly the only girl you ever really cared for, and now you have to do the same thing again, and you’re scared.”
“Don’t you armchair psychologist me!” Dan yelled at Chris. He sighed. “Look…it’s not what you think…but…I mean…I chose petty vengeance and a trophy over a potential relationship with Becky!” Dan declared. “Be honest…if somehow I did work things out with Hortense…like I don’t know…we made the long distance relationship work…”
“Dan, Hortense was a half an hour drive away.” Chris reminded flatly. “And even so, Pinkie lives in the same three room apartment and shares a bed with you, for crying out loud! You don’t get any closer than that!”
“Chris, shut up for a minute and hear me out.” Dan requested.
“Alright, shutting up now.” Chris responded.
“Say…Hortense and I did make things work…or even if she dumped that burger mogul for me…how long do you really think she would have put up with me?”
Chris was silent.
“Well?!” Dan asked. “I’m waaaaaiiiting!”
“Oh, sorry…I thought you were being rhetorical…” Chris responded.
“Well, I wasn’t!” Dan qualified irritably.
“…”
“HELLO, CHRIS?! ANSWER, NIMROD!”
“Just…hold up a second, I’m working it out…uh…assuming it was an average rate of vendettas for a given period…carry the three…Four months, three weeks, three days...” Chris answered.
“See! There you…” Dan began.
“…five hours.” Chris added.
“…go.” Dan finished, knitting his brow and frowning.
“If you have a calculator handy, I could probably give you the minutes and seconds.” Chris said.
“Chris…if I had a calculator, I would shove it down your throat to clog your esophagus!” Dan replied, growling out the word ‘esophagus’.
“See! You’re feeling better already!” Chris said. “Isn’t sharing your feelings great?” Chris asked.
“I’ll share my fist with your face if you don’t shut up!” Dan sighed. “It’s hopeless…”
“Dan, Pinkie isn’t anything like Hortense! Hortense would probably try to actually do more than just damage control and actually try to stop you, let alone join in from time to time…or uh…almost all the time.”
“That’s not what I meant. Believe me, I know Pinkie isn’t anything like Hortense…”
“Well, what then?!”
“I guess…I guess I’m scared of what will happen if I admit my feelings for Pinkie and things don’t work out down the line…” Dan said.
“So…you’re afraid she’ll break your heart?” Chris asked.
Dan paused. “Well…yeah…a lot actually…but mostly? I’m terrified I’ll break hers.” Dan said, conjuring up the image of a straight-haired, crying Pinkie from last night and shuttering slightly.
“GHK!”
Chris grabbed Dan by the shirt collar and began violently shaking him. “ALRIGHT,” Chris shouted, “THAT’S ENOUGH! REVEAL YOURSELF! YOU’RE NOT DAN! YOU CAN’T BE!”
“Chris…stop…shaking…me…you…complete…and…utter…Emperor… of…the…Doofuses…” Dan uttered as his head was rocked back in forth by Chris’s shaking.
Chris stopped. “Haha! Nice try, but it’ll take more than an insult to…”
‘POW’
Chris reeled back in response to the haymaker Dan had just thrown against his head.
“Chris, you incredible, idiotic, moronic, goofy, monkey faced, moron! It’s ME!” Dan declared.
Chris rubbed his cheek. “I’m still not convinced.”
‘POW’
Chris held a hand over his left eye. “Okay that’s better.”
‘POW’
Chris covered his entire face with one hand and held the other out defensively. “Okay! Stop convincing me!” He pleaded.
“What made you think it wasn’t me, anyway?” Dan asked.
“You said you were more afraid of hurting Pinkie Pie than afraid of her hurting you.” Chris stated.
“Yeah? So?” Dan responded, holding out his hands and shrugging slightly.
“Uh…that means you really love her. That you care more about her than you do about yourself.” Chris explained.
“Oh…wait…that’s what love means?!” Dan asked surprised.
“Uh…I’m not even going to ask…so…what’s next.”
Dan smiled. “I have a plan.”
“I thought we weren’t supposed to use plans with Pinkie.”
“No! Not a ‘scheme’ a ‘plan’! There’s a huge difference.”
Chris rolled his eyes. “Enlighten me.”
“Before I was scheming to make Pinkie love me, now I’m planning to show her how much she means to me.” Dan explained.
“Wow that…that actually made sense…” Chris commented. “So, what’s first?”
“First! I wait until Pinkie gets home from work, and I tell her everything!”
“Uh, everything?” Chris asked in a worried tone.
“Yep!” Dan said. “Every horrible detail from my childhood, every terrible thing I’ve done, and every baby I’ve attempted to steal candy from…Which is a lot harder than it sounds, actually.” Dan added, tapping his chin and looking towards the car ceiling.
“So, step one of your plan is to traumatize the poor girl?! Dan…that sounds like a really, really bad idea!” Chris responded.
Dan shook his head. “It’s not a bad idea, it’s a terrible idea!” Dan stated.
“Well…why!?”
“…I need Pinkie to know what she’s getting into…for her sake.” Dan added.
Chris inhaled, exhaled, and smiled. “Alright, Dan. I’m with you buddy! Anything you need, and I’ll be there!”
“Great, I need twenty dollars.” Dan said.
Chris reached into his pocket, pulled out his wallet, pulled out a $20 and happily handed it to Dan. “What’s the money for?” He asked.
“Dinner. I’m starved.” Dan replied.
“Hey!” Chris protested.
“You said ‘anything’!” Dan insisted. “You should be so lucky I only said I needed a twenty.”
Chris paused. “Well…you got me there. What else?”
Dan smiled. “I’ll tell you at dinner.” He smiled wickedly. “I hope you weren’t planning on sleeping tonight.”
Chris sighed and started the car.
Well, at least I’m doing something nice with Dan for a change…
***
Pinkie trudged up the apartment stairs, a fatigued, sad expression on her face.
How the heck does Dan keep those two in line all day?!
And where do those two keep getting clothes to accidently bake into the cupcakes and muffins?! Crunchy doesn’t even wear socks!
…
I miss Dan, I hope he’s…
Pinkie opened the door where she was greeted by Dan’s smiling face from the couch.
…home.
Pinkie’s face immediately brightened. “Hey, Dan! Did you get some rest?” Pinkie asked hopefully.
Dan shrugged. “Not really.”
Pinkie frowned. “Oh…”
“Hey, Pinkie…I wanted to talk to you about something…” Dan began tentatively.
Pinkie smiled.
Oh, good! He’s finally opening up!
“Of course, Dan! I’m always here if you need someone to talk to!” Pinkie insisted cheerfully.
Dan nodded, smile still on his face, he motioned to the blue easy chair next to the couch. “You may want to sit down for this…it could take a while.” He explained.
“Oh…okie-dokie-lokie!” Pinkie responded happily. She sat down on the chair and leaned forwards with an eager look on her face.
“So…” Dan began, “I guess my earliest memory was when I was about two…”
Pinkie’s eyes widened and she leaned back in the chair.
This really might take a while…
“…You see, my parents were explaining to me how I was a mistake and all the problems in their lives were my fault.” Dan stated, smile still on his face.
“WHAT?!” Pinkie exclaimed.
“Yeah, that was probably the high point of my childhood, it was pretty much all downhill from there.”
“WHAT?!” Pinkie exclaimed, clutching at the sides of her face with tense, shaking fingers.
“The next year…year and a half was mostly spent watching T.V. from my cage…”
Pinkie swallowed. “You mean…crib…right?” Pinkie asked, afraid she already knew the answer.
Dan glanced at the ceiling and placed an index finger to his chin. “Hmmmm…no, cribs don’t usually have covers over the top, or are made of metal…or have water bottles strapped to the sides of them or food dishes left out in them.”
Pinkie’s face fell into a pit of despair as tears started to erupt from her eyes. She began to tremble slightly.
“So, they’d leave me there for hours…sometimes most a day.”
“What?” Pinkie mustered. She was quickly finding yelling too much effort at this point.
“So…eventually I outgrew the cage, and that’s where they ankle shackle came into play…”
Pinkie whimpered softly in reply.
**
“…and that’s why I’m banned from the Red Cross with a ‘shoot to kill’ order.”
Pinkie stares on wide eyed. She has pushed her body far back into the chair as her fingers grip onto the armrests and dig deeply into the blue fabric of the easy chair. She has stopped speaking, stopped crying. The brain functions in charge of speech and emotion have been taxed to the point where they are numb, quivering, heaps wrapped in the darkness of her skull. The only sign that she is still paying attention are her eyes, which remained focused on Dan. Her irises quiver as he continues.
**
“So I’m punching him, I’m punching him, I’m punching him and I say, ‘What do you mean I didn’t give you the correct change?!’”
Pinkie looks on, seemingly almost completely detached from any outside stimuli, her eyes covered in shadow. She has pushed herself so far back into the chair she is almost completely engulfed by the blue fabric and cushions of the back. Deep indents in the armrests have formed where her hands continue to grip tightly. Her perception has changed to the point where she now feels she is observing the scene from a point of view outside her body.
**
“So I say, ‘One shall stand, one shall fall!’ And grandma reaches for a rolling pin and begins to…”
Pinkie’s out of body self weeps.
***
“…and since the guy was in the way of me posting a flyer, I set him on fire…” Dan pauses. “Oh! But you were there for that, so…I guess that’s about it.” Dan said, same smile still on his face. He looks over at Pinkie.
Pinkie’s face and body were now completely obscured by the chair she desperately tried to merge with, leaving only a shadowy hole visible. However, her arms still stuck out from the hole, still gripping the chair armrests. Her tense legs, likewise, had dug into the front of the chair. Her hair was also still visible, going out in all directions from the hole in long, pink, curly tendrils, as if her hair itself was trying to escape from her scalp and flee the one-sided conversation.
Dan stood up, walked over to the chair, and peered, smiling, into the cavern Pinkie had essentially dug for herself by constantly pushing herself against the back of her chair. Pinkie remained motionless except for her sky-blue, pinpoint sized iris eyes which focus onto Dan’s.
“Well…I can see you’ve got a lot on your mind. I’ll catch you, later, okay?” Dan waved and walked towards the apartment door. “Don’t wait up!” He said as he exited the apartment, closing the door behind him.
Pinkie remained motionless.
Mr. Mumbles hesitantly walked out of the bedroom, somehow looking more ragged than usual. Wide eyed, and wobbly, she jumped onto the chair, looking at Pinkie, and giving her a tentative “Meow?”
Pinkie relaxed her hands and wrapped her arms around Mr. Mumbles, drawing the cat into her chest. “Hey, Mr. Mumbles.” Pinkie said weakly. “Did you hear all that?” Pinkie asked moving her arms to hold Mr. Mumbles at arm’s length.
“Merow!” Mr. Mumbles held up her paws and held them over her ears.
Pinkie sighed. “Lucky you.”
“Mew?”
Pinkie nodded. “That’s a good idea. Thanks, Mr. Mumbles!” Pinkie responds with a small smile.
“Meow!”
Pinkie sat the grey cat down on the armrest of the chair and stood up. She walked into the bedroom, over to the closet, and opened the sliding door. Her mirror was set under a large, white comforter that she removed, revealing an empty library.
“…Twilight? Spike? …Anypony?” Pinkie called out, carefully examining her side of the viewport for a sign of life.
“Who?” A light brown owl flies into view.
“Hey, Owlowiscious!” Pinkie responds. “Is Twilight around?”
“Who?”
“You know! Purple alicorn! Lives at the library.”
“Who!” Owlowiscious quickly flies off, and as quickly returns, holding up a piece of parchment that reads “Fighting mad herd of manticores. Send Owlowiscious if emergency. Your dear friend, Twilight Sparkle.” In elegant cursive.
“Who?”
Pinkie sighs. “That’s okay, Owlowiscious. I’ll talk to her later…” Pinkie said, mustering a meek smile and a small wave. “See you later!”
“Who?”
“You…you know…oh, nevermind…” Pinkie covered the mirror with the comforter once more. She pulls out her smartphone from her pocket, and lightly taps the screen a few times.
*
Beeping breaks the silence as Elise unburies her face from her hands. She looks up at the now destroyed device in front of her. A large, black box, with an antenna, some knobs, and a speaker that has had a long, straight, single edged sword stabbed through the top.
Note to self: never tune into the bug planted on Dan ever again.
Elise shakes her head as if to clear it as the beeping continues. She reaches into her pocket and pulls out her phone, tapping it once and placing it to her ear.
“Hey, Pinkie.”
“Hey, Elise.” Pinkie answers meekly. “Could you swing by?”
“Sure, Pinkie.” Elise answers simply. “I’ll be right there.” Elise pulls the phone away and terminates the call. She sighs. “Oh dear…”
**
Chris opened the passenger side to the red hatchback and sat down.
“So? How’d it go?” He asked.
“Well…she stopped crying after the first hour or so…” Dan offered.
“Uhhh…that’s…good?” Chris offered, half asking.
Dan sighed and shook his head. “Not really, I think she had run out of tears by that point.”
Chris paused and reached over a sympathetic hand, resting it on Dan’s shoulder. “She’ll come around.”
Dan gave Chris a small smile, “Thanks, buddy.”
“Sooo…Now what?” Chris asked.
“Now, we bake. We go to the bakery and bake.” Dan said.
Chris knitted his eyebrows. “I thought you couldn’t trust my taste buds.”
Dan’s smile widened slightly. “I can’t, but I can bake this stuff in my sleep.” He faced towards the road and frowned as he started the car. “Which is good, because I don’t think I’ve slept for almost two days at this point.”
**
“Hey, Elise!” Pinkie said to the maroon haired girl in the driver’s seat as Pinkie sat down in the passenger seat of the blue sedan, setting her pink bag at her feet. “Thanks for coming over so quickly.”
Elise smiled back at the frazzled, curly, pink haired woman. “No problem! Where to?”
Pinkie shook her head. “Just drive, I guess…I just need someone to talk to.”
Elise nods. “Sure, Pinkie. What’s on your mind?”
“Well…Dan sort of…unloaded onto me…like…everything…”
Elise’s eye’s widened. “Everything?”
“Ev-ree-thing!” Pinkie stressed.
“Uhhh…wow…” Elise offered. “How do you feel?”
I only got five minutes into Dan’s childhood before I took my sword to the receiver…Did she actually sit and listen to all of it?!
“Uh…raw…I guess…like all my emotions just spent a few hours being flayed into a bloody, unrecognizable heap.”
Elise whistled. “That bad, huh?”
Pinkie sighed. “Yeah, that bad…”
“Well…why don’t you start at the beginning?” Elise offered.
“Hmmmm...” Pinkie thought about this for a moment. “Okay! Dan’s earliest memory was when he was about two…”
“Uh, Pinkie?”
“You see, his parents were explaining to him how he was a mistake and all the problems in their lives where his fault.” Pinkie stated.
“Pinkie!”
“That was probably the high point of his childhood, it’s all pretty much downhill from there.”
“PINKIE!”
“Uh, yes Elise?” Pinkie asked, turning to the girl in the driver’s seat.
“Could you maybe give me the abridged version and just tell me how it made you feel?” Elise asked.
“Oh! Sure…that’s probably far less mentally scarring the both of us!” Pinkie responded happily.
Elise breathed a sigh of relief.
“So, first Dan told me about his childhood, and it was so, so sad! Sadder than anything I’ve ever heard before! And I just felt so bad for him! And it just…didn’t stop…like…at one point I felt I was as sad as anyone could ever be and he’d come out with something even worse and then I’d have to sit there and think that this was as sad as anyone could ever feel and then he’d do it again! So, that went on for a while until he got out of his childhood and into all the things he’s done and has had done to him over the years, and he’s done some terrible, awful things! But at the same time lots of bad things have happened to him, too! And, it’s like he can never catch a break, you know? And, okay, yeah…a lot of what happens to him is clearly brought on because of his own actions, but it still seems like the world is just out to get him a lot of the time…and believe me, I’ve been there! I couldn’t begin to tell you how many days we’ve just been sitting around the apartment, minding our own business and then something crashes through the window,” Pinkie swung her arm out and opened her fingers, trying to mime an object crashing throw a closed window, “or we find out something’s happened to his car! And it’s just ‘Come on! Can’t we just have a moments rest?’” Pinkie sighed.
“Huh…” Elise said.
“What?” Pinkie responded.
“Oh…it’s just that you sound…sympathetic to Dan…after everything he told you.”
“Well...I certainly don’t approve of everything he’s done, and I think I’ll make him apologies to that girl whose hair he cut to get back at her dad if we run into her and we’re definitely going to do something about the old man he left at Pembroke, also, I’ll make sure he doesn’t chloroform any more entire families. But…I guess after everything he’s been through, I just can’t really be mad at him for much…” Pinkie offered.
“What about the time he almost destroyed the world because he was mad at a family of squirrels?” Elise asked.
“THOSE SQUIRRELS HAD IT COMING!” Pinkie declared angrily.
“Uh…”
“Oops. Sorry, Elise …kinda didn’t get a ton of sleep last night and it’s been a long, taxing, soul crushing day…” Pinkie offered.
Elise shrugged. “It’s okay…but you’re really okay with what Dan’s done…mostly? I mean…some of it is pretty appalling.”
Pinkie raised an eyebrow, “Is that so, Dancing Shadow?”
Elise’s expression suddenly shifted to surprise.
I never told Pinkie my code name…
Okay, be cool, maybe doesn’t know that much…
“Well, what I do for my organization is for the greater good.” Elise offered, nervously.
Yeah, there’s no way she’s going to buy that…
“Really?!” Pinkie exclaimed in shocked tone. She reached down to her bag, pulled out a very large folder packed with various papers attached together via paperclips and set it on Elise’s lap.
Elise gulped as she took a hand off the wheel and pulled out the first sets of paper clipped together. She glanced it over and noticed her real name, alias, and a mission report complete with body count, and the exact device she was field testing at the time. “Where did you get all this?” Elise asked.
“Dan was mad that the sales tax was raised, or something…he declared war on the government.” Pinkie raised an eyebrow “Secret government facilities? Turns out they’re surprisingly easy find and break into.”
Elise sighed. “You think they would have learned after the squirrels.”
Pinkie pointed at the stack of papers on Elise’s lap. “I think my favorite one was the gun you made that filled the lungs of whoever it was fired at with taffy, causing them to suffocate on sugary, chewy, candy.” Pinkie said flatly. “Besides.” She narrowed her eyes at Elise. “Dan didn’t mail himself to a city full of deranged dance monsters who almost killed him.”
Elise set the paper down and pressed her palms against the wheel, holding them up defensively. “Okay, okay…so my moral high ground is probably less a mountain and more a bathmat.” Elise admitted. “You uh…haven’t shown these to anyone else, have you?” Elise asked nervously.
Pinkie smiled. “I talked Dan out of blowing your cover.” Pinkie giggled. “We settled for pantsing his congressmen during a press conference.”
Elise breathed a mouthful of relief. “So…I have to ask…How did you manage to sit through everything Dan was saying?”
“Well…” Pinkie smiled softly. “…Because he’d do the same for me.”
Elise paused. “What makes you say that?”
“He told me that he was always here for me if I needed someone to talk to…”
“And you believed him?”
“Well, D’uh!” Pinkie replied. “I trust him…I love him…I…” Pinkie paused as she processed what she had just said, her eyes widened in surprise. “Ohmygosh! Elise! I’m in love with Dan.”
Elise paused.
She smiled wide to herself. “You don’t say.”
“I DO say! I…” Pinkie thought about this for a few seconds and smacked her palm against her forehead. “Wow, I’m really stupid, aren’t I? I mean…it was so obvious, and I didn’t even notice…”
Elise laughed. “Well, I wouldn’t say stupid. Let’s just say you’re really, really dense when it comes to somethings…kind of like someone else I know…”
“So…” Pinkie turned back to Elise. “What do you think I should do?”
“Well, tell him, of course!” Elise insisted.
“WHAT!? I can’t do that!” Pinkie replied. “No…what I need is some sort of huge, big, ginormous, gargantuan, hubiginnorgantuan sign of my affection…” Pinkie declared, motioning out with her hands as far as they would go in the car.
“Erm…”
“Like…Ooo! Ooo!” Pinkie grinned wide and pointed at Elise. “I can spell out ‘I love you’ by setting fire strategically to Hollywood and bring Dan up to the Hollywood sign!” Pinkie suggested.
“Ermm…”
“No, you’re right Elise! I’d probably get arrested or shot before I was done…Uh…Oooo! Better idea!” Pinkie declared happily, raising her fists excitedly towards her face. “I’ll decapitate all of Dan’s enemies and present their heads to him on pikes!” Pinkie grinned madly and steepled her fingers in front of her toothy smile. “Dan has lots of enemies!”
Elise blinked a few times. “Wow…you two really were made for each other.”
Pinkie smiled happily at Elise. “Thanks, Elise.”
“But…uh…maybe you should just sleep on this first. I mean…you don’t want to go on a love rampage tired, do you?”
Pinkie pursed her lips and considered this. “You’re right Elise. Maybe I’ll come up with an even better idea, then!” She added excitedly
Elise chuckled nervously. “Yeah…sure…”
“Hey, Elise?” Pinkie asked tentatively.
“Yes, Pinkie?”
Pinkie smiled warmly. “You’re a great friend!”
“Aww, thank you Pinkie.” Elise replied.
Pinkie closed her eyes as her smile widened. “A murdering, painful sounding gun creating, machine that creates monsters making, friend.”
“Uh, thanks Pinkie…I think.”
Pinkie opened her eyes and nodded. “You’re welcome!”
**
“Dan!” Chris snapped his fingers in front of his short, dozing friend. “Dan! Wake up.”
“Huh? What…” Dan wiped drool from his mouth as he stood over a large bowl of batter with an electric hand mixer.
“Dan! You keep dozing off while baking. Maybe you should go lie down.” Chris suggested.
Dan shot Chris a glare. “Why? So you can start eating all my hard work?!” Dan accused.
Chris held up an index finger. “First off, ‘our hard work’.” Chris raised his middle finger to join his index. “Second of…okay, yeah…” he admitted.
“Ulg.” Dan grunted out. “Hand me another energy shot.”
Chris sighed as he reached over to a counter that had several small, red bottles on top of it and handed one to Dan. “Dan, I think you should cut back on those…they don’t seem to be working so well at this point.”
Dan eyed the red bottle carefully and unscrewed the top. “You’re right Chris. It’s time to mainline this baby straight into my brain.” He declared.
Dan plugged a nostril with an index finger and brought the bottle up to his other.
“Dan! What are you doing!?”
“Something really stupid in the name of love.” Dan snorted the contents of the bottle up his nose. “AHHHHHHHH! YOWSERS, THAT BURNS!” Dan declared, rubbing his nose feverishly.
“Are you alright?” Chris asked, running up to Dan.
“I…” Dan’s eyes shot open. He blinked once and his pupils grew to eclipse the green of his eyes.” Ooooohhhh YEAH! Now THAT’S what I’m talking about! 200 milligrams of caffeine strait to the ol’ cabeza!” Dan’s grin ventured into evil territory as it spread across his face. “I feel like I could bake the whole G.d. planet!” He declared. He looked over at Chris. “Hand me those sheets of paper, that’s our special orders for tomorrow.
“Sure, Dan.” Chris glanced at a sheet of paper as he passed it to Dan. “…uh…are these numbers right?!”
Dan quickly snatched the papers and looked over them.
“They look fine to me.” Dan replied.
“Dan! You and Pinkie make that many cupcakes and muffins every day?!” Chris exclaimed.
Dan shrugged. “Well, sure!”
“That’s insane!” Chris declared, throwing out his hands.
“Yeah…probably why it takes a couple of crazy people to do it every day.” Dan grinned. “But not tomorrow. You and I are going to get it all done tonight.”
Chris sighed and reached for one of the red bottles, opting to drink it orally instead of nasally.
“Oh!” Dan said, raising an index finger. “Text Elise and see if she’s with Pinkie. We’ll need to have her keep Pinkie occupied for a bit.”
“How long is ‘a bit’?” Chris asked.
“Up until right before we open.” Dan explained.
“Dan, that’s not for several hours!” Chris protested.
“Ah, come on! This is important.” Dan wined.
Chris thought about it for a second and shrugged. “You know, since it’s for Pinkie she’ll probably do it…”
Dan nodded. “That’s more like it. Also, make sure you use real words and full sentences when you type, or I’ll break your fingers.”
Chris smiled and rolled his eyes, remembering Dan had lectured him for hours over the text ‘See u soon’. “Alright, Dan.”
**
Pinkie yawned as she and Elise walked up the apartment stairs and down the walkway. “Thanks for talking to me, Elise…I really needed someone to help sort out my feelings.” She said.
Elise smiled. “No problem.”
Pinkie unlocked and opened the apartment door. She flipped on the light and peered inside. “Dan?” She called.
No response.
Pinkie sighed.
Elise smiled. “I’m sure you’ll see him soon.”
“I know Elise, I’m just so use to sleeping next to him…or…erm…being held by him at this point…” Pinkie admitted, blushing slightly. “I don’t know how I…” Without warning, Pinkie’s eyes rolled back in her head and she simply stopped holding herself up.
“Pinkie!” Elise quickly lowered herself ahead of Pinkie, putting her arms out and catching the pink haired girl before she could collapse on the ground.
“Zzzzzzzzzz…”
Elise chuckled to herself, and picked up Pinkie, walking her to the bedroom, and laid her on the bed. She took Pinkie’s bag, and took off Pinkie’s shoes, laying bag and shoes on the ground next to the bed.
A small ring emitted from the phone in Elise’s pocket. She pulled it out and examined it.
‘You with Pinkie?’ A message read, under the name ‘Chris’.
‘Yes’, Elise replied simply.
‘Dan says we could be doing this until the shop opens, just about. He’s telling me to tell you to stall her until that time.’ The next message read.
Elise looked over the sleeping girl and then over to the digital alarm clock sitting on the nightstand next to her. ‘No prob’ She texted back. She walked over the clock and hit a few buttons, adjusting the alarm, and putting it back. She chuckled. “Don’t say I never did anything for you, little man…”
“Hmmm…” Elise looked over the sleeping girl in front of her and smiled to herself. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a small, black device on a tiny clip.
***
The digital alarm next to the bed once more emitted a high-pitched, irritating buzzer sound.
Pinkie instinctively dove her hand out and nabbed the clock. Once again, there was no other hand wrestling for control of the device.
Pinkie sighed as she pulled the device closer to her.
Wait…why is it light out?
Pinkie’s eyes shot open wide as she looked at the time. “Oh no! I am sooooo late!” She declared.
Pinkie stood up and quickly threw on her pink flats. Grabbed her bag, and bolted for the door.
*
Elise elbowed her husband from the driver’s side door. “Hey! Wake up! The shows about to start.” Elise watched as Pinkie bounded towards the back of the store, oblivious to the blue sedan parked down the street.
Chris groggily looked up and yawned. He turned to Elise. “Are you sure about this? I mean…we’re spying on Dan and Pinkie!”
Elise pulled out a small, round, black disk with a speaker and a pair of earbuds attached to it. “Do you want to hear Dan’s confession or not?” Elise asked, passing an earbud to Chris.
Chris took the earbud and placed it in his ear. “You know, Dan never said anything about a confession. He may still be hoping Pinkie says something first.”
Elise frowned. “After all this?!”
Chris shrugged.
Elise sighed. “I don’t know how much more of this I can take!”
“Elise, you really shouldn’t get so hung up on those two.” Chris insisted.
“You’re probably right, but…well…Pinkie’s had two plans to show her affection to Dan, one involved fire, and the other decapitation.”
Chris’s eyes widened. “How much fire?”
“Probably enough to burn down a fair amount of Hollywood.” Elise explained.
“Oh…” Chris replied with a worried expression. “Yeah, let’s hope he confesses, then...”
*
“It’s okay”! Pinkie said to herself as she ran towards the bakery. “Maybe Dan’s already there!” She assured herself. “Maybe he got started! I mean…okay, there’s no way he could have got everything done by himself, but at least some…Hmmmmmmm, something smells goood…”
Pinkie unlocked the back door and walked in. She was hit by the intense smell of fresh cupcakes and muffins. She walked through the hall and into the kitchen where she was met by Dan’s smiling face as he stood surrounded by dozens and dozens of boxes, all neatly stacked and labeled.
“Good morning!” Dan said. “Did you sleep well?”
“I…uh…wha…?” Pinkie stammered out pointing at all the boxes.
Dan looked around him. “Oh, those! Yeah, Chris and I spent all night filling all the orders for today. We also packed the display case.”
Pinkie’s eye’s widened as she tried to process the sheer amount of baked goods already done for her today. Her brain quickly suffered a massive failure.
Wow
Such cupcakes
Much muffins
Very baked goods
Pinkie looked back up at Dan. “You…did all this?!”
Dan nodded, same smile on his face. “Yep! I figured this way you could take it easy, today.”
Pinkie’s eye’s widened. “You did all this for me?!”
Dan chuckled, “Of course, goofball.”
What little working brain function Pinkie still had fell away. Concepts like fear, hope, and even love left and she had only one thought of any coherence.
There was simply too much space, and too many layers of clothing in between her and the man in front of her.
“Gha!” Dan exclaimed in alarm as a pink blur pounced on top of him and tackled him to the floor. He felt hands reach down and pull up on his shirt.
“Uh…Pinkie? What are you doing?” Dan asked.
“D’uh! I’m taking off your clothes!” Pinkie explained, pulling Dan’s shirt up and over his head as Dan put up very little in regards to resistance.
“I…okay…this sounds weird even to me.” Dan said as he looked about the bakery kitchen. “But don’t you think there’s something wrong with that?”
Pinkie looked at the black shirt she was holding then back down to the bare-chested man she was currently straddling. “Yes.” She answered. “You should be taking off my clothes as well.” Pinkie replied flatly.
Dan paused and his smile widened. “Yeah, I can’t really argue with that logic.” He declared, hooking his hands under Pinkie’s vest and lifting it up and over her head. Dan began to undo the buttons on Pinkie’s shirt, starting at the top, but pausing as he hit the halfway point.
“Dan? Why did you stop?” Pinkie asked.
Dan reached forward towards Pinkie’s chest and pulled a small, black device on a tiny clip off of Pinkie’s shirt, handing it to her.
Pinkie took the device and eyed it suspiciously.
“Ahem.”
Dan and Pinkie froze and turned to stare at Wally who was staring back at them with a disapproving look.
Pinkie quickly stood up, her face beet red, as she quickly clasped the device in her palm and buttoned the top of her shirt back up. She turned to her boss. “Wally! Good morning. Dan was just…uh…”
“Undressing you?” Wally offered, toweling at his forehead with his handkerchief.
Pinkie sighed. “Yeah.”
Dan quickly scrambled for his own shirt and put it on.
Wally shook his head. “I knew this was a mistake.” He turned to Dan as the short man raised to his feet. “I’m sorry Dan, but you’re fired.”
Dan’s expression changed to a glare and he opened his mouth to protest.
“ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!”
Dan and Wally turned to look at Pinkie.
“Uh…excuse me?” Wally replied.
Pinkie glowered angrily at Wally. “First off, it’s me who’s at fault here. Second… ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?! You can’t fire Dan!”
Wally adjusted his glasses. “And why’s that?”
“Do you even know who keeps this place running!? Who’s kept this place afloat since we got here?!”
“Uh…you?” Wally suggested.
Pinkie shook her head rapidly. “No! Not me! I can bake, and I could probably handle this place if it weren’t a madhouse at all hours of the day! But Dan is the one making sure we get everything done on time and keeping Crunchy and D.H. from making a complete mess of things.”
“Hmph…he was also the one who hired them in the first place.” Wally countered.
“SO?!” Pinkie responded shrilly. “We needed the help! We still need the help! As perpetually clumsy and clueless as those two are they can at least work the register and help bake without somehow adding clothing to the batter if they’re supervised! YOU were going to take your sweet time finding someone while Dan and I worked ourselves to death!” Pinkie accused angrily.
Wally began to sweat profusely as he dabbed at his forehead with his handkerchief.
Pinkie paused and took a few calming breaths. “Also, they’re surprisingly well liked by the customers.”
“They are?” Dan asked raising an eyebrow.
Pinkie turned towards Dan. “I checked our online reviews.” She explained. “Everyone’s convinced that the four of us are purposely putting on a show every day.”
“That…makes a disturbing amount of sense.” Dan responded. “So, apparently we should keep hiring wackos.”
Pinkie shrugged. “Yeppers! Pretty much! Everyone loves our food and watching D.H. shower you and me with cupcakes.”
“I guess we should hire Chris, then.” Dan replied.
“Ooo! Good idea!” Pinkie replied.
“Oh, that tall guy that’s always hanging around here and would carry all the heavy stuff you got from my hardware shop?” Wally replied.
“Yeah, I kind of force him to help me make everything for today…so…”
Wally sighed. “I’ll go get the paperwork…”
“Ooo! You should get whatever paperwork you need to promote Dan, too!” Pinkie suggested.
“I should?” Wally asked, surprised.
“He should?!” Dan asked, surpriseder.
Pinkie smiled. “He is sort of running the place.”
“Alright fine.” Wally said. “He can be assistant manager…I guess”
Dan pointed at himself and put on a ‘Who Me?’ expression as Pinkie wrapped her arms around him.
“Yay!” She exclaimed.
“How did you get me into this?” Dan asked looking at Pinkie.
Pinkie giggled and held Dan at arm’s length. “Oh, you know you like it!”
“Well…I do like having authority.” Dan said with a grin.
“Hey dudes, what’s the haps?” Crunchy asked as he and D.H. walked towards the group from the back entrance.
Pinkie beamed. “Dan’s the new assistant manager!”
“Alright! Way to go, dude!” Crunchy exclaimed.
“Hurray!” D.H. added as she ran up and hugged Dan.
“Uh…thanks you two.” Dan said, he looked down at the blond haired woman that had embraced him. “…You can let go now…no seriously, please let go.”
Pinkie giggled. “Everyone hug Dan!”
“What! NO! STOP!” Dan pleaded as Crunchy and Pinkie also wrapped their arms around Dan.
Pinkie looked up at Wally. “You, too.”
“Do I have to?” Wally replied.
“No!” Dan objected.
“Yes!” Pinkie overruled with a smile.
Wally smiled. “Oh, all right…” He walked over and wrapped his arms around his employees.
“Wow…this is all very moving…now everyone let go,” Dan said calmly, “before I start biting jugular veins”. He added
Pinkie giggled and broke the hug as everyone else gave Dan his space.
“Yay! Dan is angry again!” D.H. declared.
“Phew.” Crunchy said, wiping the back of his hand across his forehead. “We were worried about you, dude.”
“Wait…you guys like when I’m angry?!” Dan asked in disbelief.
“Bra, how else are you going to keep us in line?” Crunchy said. “We keep baking clothes! I mean…that’s pretty gnarly, dude!”
“Yesterday I baked a pair of pants into an order of muffins!” D.H. admitted cheerily.
“Uh…you don’t even wear pants!” Dan said motioning towards D.H.’s skirt.
“I never said they were mine!” D.H. replied.
Dan cocked an eyebrow at Pinkie. “Just how bad did it get when I left yesterday?”
Pinkie grinned nervously. “It was pretty bad!” She admitted.
Dan sighed and smacked his palm against his forehead. He dragged the palm down his face, but smiled as he removed the hand.
“Alright, girls-who-name-I-don’t-know, you’re working the register.” Dan barked out. “Move from that spot without being asked first and I’ll break your kneecaps.”
D.H. gave Dan a crooked salute. “Aye, Aye, Dan!”
“Cripple!”
“Yes, sir!” Crunchy responded, standing at attention and saluting with his unslung hand.
“You’re running orders out to the customers, don’t mess it up, or I’ll make your good hand your bad hand, savvy?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Wally!”
“Uh, yes Dan?” Wally replied.
“Fetch me whatever forms I need to give to my idiot friend, he’s probably sleep deprived and useless for today, but he can start tomorrow.” Dan explained.
Wally nodded. “Sure, Dan.”
“And hire more staff for crying out loud!” Dan added. “I don’t care if their normal or completely out of their minds or what, we just need more bodies to soak up damage on the field!” Dan declared.
“Uh…sure Dan. Let me get you those forms…” Wally said, adjusting his glasses.
“And you!” Dan said, turning to Pinkie Pie and leveling a stern looking finger.
“Yes, Dan?” Pinkie asked sweetly.
“You just stand there and look adorable.” Dan said with a smile.
Pinkie blushed slightly and giggled. “I can do that.”
Wally walked back into the kitchen and handed Dan some forms. “Here you go, Dan.”
Dan snatched them as Pinkie grabbed Dan’s free wrist, and placed the small device formerly attached to her shirt in his hand, closing his fingers over it.
Dan stared down at his now closed hand and then looked back up to Pinkie.
Pinkie gave him a mischievous smile. “She’s probably close…Chris, too, I’m guessing. Why don’t you go out there and find them?” Pinkie smiled warmly. “We can handle things for a little bit without you.”
Dan nodded and turned towards the back entrance.
“Hey, Dan?” Pinkie called as he walked away.
Dan glanced behind him to see Pinkie grinning wide with just a touch of wildness in her eyes.
“Be mean.” Pinkie stated.
Dan smiled wickedly. “I can do that…”
*
Elise pressed a palm against the ear with the eardbud in it in frustration. “Come on! Why isn’t this thing working?! It was just getting good!”
“You know Elise, I really need to sit you and Dan down and discus boundaries…” Chris said from the passenger seat.
“Shhhh!” Elise commanded, as she adjusted the volume on the black device. “I think I hear something…”
“HEY, JERK FACES!”
“AHHHHH!” Chris and Elise cried in alarm as they ripped the earbuds out of their ears.
The two looked out the front of the car as Dan approached, holding the small black device up to his mouth and smiling devilishly from ear to ear.
Elise rolled down her window as Dan approached.
“You dropped something!” Dan announced, raising his hand and flicking the small black device point blank into Elise’s face.
Elise flinched as the device bounced off her forehead and into her lap.
“Good morning to you, too, Dan.” Elise mumbled.
Dan smiled. “It is a good morning!”
Chris and Elise looked at Dan with renewed interest.
“What happened?” Elise asked.
“You’re looking at the new assistant manager of ‘Wally’s Emporium of Cupcakes and Muffins’.” Dan declared, balling his hands and placing them on his hips proudly.
“That’s great news, Dan!” Chris said happily.
“Aaaand…” Dan leaned into the car through Elise’s window and held out some papers towards Chris.
“Hey!” Elise protested as Dan pushed passed her.
“You’re hired.” Dan said to Chris. “Congratulations. Now fill all those out.”
Chris exhaled a large volume of air and took the papers. “…Really?” He asked looking back at Dan with happy, teary eyes. “I’m not the only one unemployed, anymore?!”
Dan leaned back out of the car and smiled. “Nope. You start tomorrow…well…technically you started last night, but I want you in bright and early tomorrow. 5 AM, sharp. capice?”
“Yes, sir!” Chris responded happily. “Wait…I’m getting paid for last night?!” Chris asked in surprise.
Dan shrugged. “In a couple weeks.”
Elise looked towards Chris with a grin.
“Dan! This was, without a doubt, your best schem…no plan to date.” Chris declared exuberantly.
Elise turned to Dan. “See what happens when you think of others?”
Dan frowned. “Yeah, I get saddled with more responsibility and more idiotic underlings to keep in line. I don’t think I’ll make a habit out of it.”
Elise and Chris chuckled.
“Hey, Dan…” Elise began. “I have to know…what happened with you and Pinkie?”
Dan knitted his brow, looked left, looked right, and motioned for Elise to lean in closer.
Elise leaned her head out of the window as Dan moved his mouth next to her ear.
“NONE OF YOUR G.D. BUSINESS!” Dan screamed at the top of his lungs.
“AHHH!” Elise recoiled and placed palms over both her ears.
Chris just rolled his eyes with a small smile.
“See you two losers later.” Dan declared as he turned and waved. He put his hands in his pockets and began whistling to himself as he made his way to the bakery.
Elise squinted and stuck a finger in the ear Dan had just screamed into as if trying to clear it. “You think he told her?”
Chris shrugged. “I don’t know, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this happy over something that didn’t involve massive property damage.” He said motioning out to Dan as the short man happily walked down the street.
Elise sighed. “Alright, I’ll give it a rest for a bit.” She turned to Chris with a smile. “I need to get my tired, baker husband home.”
“YaaaayzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZ…” Chris replied, passing out on the spot.
Elise smiled happily to herself and started the car.
***
“So…” Pinkie began as she practically dragged her roomie up the stairs, her arms around Dan’s shoulders, “how long have you gone without sleep.”
Dan sighed. “It’s been over two days.”
Pinkie giggled as the two made their way towards the apartment door. “All so you could make me pancakes and make work easier for me…”
“Yeah well…you’re worth it.” Dan said simply.
Pinkie gave Dan a soft smile and blushed, she dug into her pocket and fished out the apartment keys. She unlocked the door, but felt a hand on hers before she could open it.
“Pinkie?”
Pinkie turned towards Dan with a smile, a smile that gave way to concern as she saw the serious look on Dan’s face. “Yes, Dan?”
Dan shifted out from Pinkie’s arm and grabbed her other hand, holding both slim, pink nail polished hands tensely.
“I um…want to talk about something with you.” Dan said.
Pinkie’s heart immediately began to pound in her chest.
Uh-oh…this can either go very, very well or very, very bad.
He’s holding my hands, though! That’s a good sign! Right? Right?!
Pinkie swallowed. “Yes, Dan?”
“You’re uh…you’re probably going to think I’m crazy…” Dan said.
Pinkie giggled.
“Heh, right…crazier…fine…here it goes.”
Pinkie’s heart beat faster as her eyes stared transfixed on the man in front of her.
Dan glanced away as he spoke. “I know I’m not an easy guy to be around all the time, and I’m sure I’ve done some things that are pretty hard to condone…but…” Dan turned back and looked deeply into Pinkie’s blue, sky-blue, eyes. “For what it’s worth…I love you…I just wanted you to know…but, if after everything I told you, you don’t think…”
“Dan?” Pinkie interrupted, letting go of Dan’s hands.
“Uh, yeah Pinkie?”
“Shut up.” Pinkie ordered, placing her hands on either side of Dan’s head.
“Uh…”
Pinkie smiled, the light of the streetlights casting soft shadows over her face, she closed her eyes as she leaned her head down and forward, pursing her lips as she did.
Dan relaxed slightly, tilting his head up, he closed his eyes, and pursed his lips; soon he felt something warm and moist press against them.
Dan wrapped his arms around Pinkie as the couple kissed passionately in front of the door to apartment 8. Dan felt the tension drain from his body, the stress of questioning himself or if he would lose Pinkie evaporated as she provided the answers to his questions with her loving kiss. The feeling was replaced with a warm feeling of acceptance. A foreign, but welcome feeling Dan had not known existed until the moment Pinkie’s lips made contact with his.
After a while, the two broke lip contact to stare into each other’s eye, smiling contently to eachother.
“You hear that?” Dan asked.
Pinkie perked her ears up and glanced out into the night. “No, what?”
Dan grinned and shook his head slightly, “Absolutely nothing.”
Pinkie leaned in and planted another, loving kiss on Dan’s lips. A kiss he was more than happy to reciprocate.
The two parted slightly once more.
“Just making sure.” Pinkie said, giggling.
*
“Yes! Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes YES! YES!” Elise declared quietly as she set down a pair of binoculars.
“Happy now?” Chris asked, placing an arm on his wife’s shoulder as the two stared across the street at Dan and Pinkie from their rooftop perch.
Elise smiled exuberantly at Chris. “Yes!” She confirmed.
A large, solid looking, metal box shook violently behind the couple.
Chris stared at it. “So…what are you going to do with that?”
Elise shrugged. “Agency policy is to take them to HQ, tag ‘em, and release them back into the wild.”
“The wild…” Chris asked with a raised eyebrow. “As in space?”
“Yeah,” Elise said, “you’d be amazed how many psychic, space wolverines end up on earth.”
“I’m pretty surprised there’s even one!”
Elise reached out for her husband’s hand. “Come on, Chris. Let’s grab the box, drop it off, and get you home.” She reached up to pinch Chris’s cheek. “My big, strong, handsome husband has a big day ahead of him.”
Chris smiled as he walked over to the box and held up an end. “I hope working at the bakery isn’t as weird as all this.” He commented.
Elise grabbed the other end. “Didn’t you get attacked by flying monkeys and giant, radioactive hamsters there?” She asked.
Chris sighed. “Yeaaaah…”
*
Pinkie and Dan walked into the apartment. Pinkie switching on the lights as the two made their way in.
“So!” Pinkie began. “What do you want to do now?”
“Oh, I have an idea…” Dan said, rapidly raising and lowering his eyebrows.
“Oh, reeaaaallly~?” Pinkie purred in response.
“Yep!” Dan’s eyes rolled back into his head, and he simply stopped holding himself up.
“Dan!” Pinkie cried in alarm as she quickly swooped under him. Catching him before he could collapse on the ground.
Dan snored loudly in Pinkie’s arms.
Pinkie smiled softly to herself as she stood up, taking Dan with her. She walked back over to the light switch and shut it off. She then walked into the bedroom and sat on the bed. Laying Dan’s head down on her lap.
Dan snoozed softly as Pinkie ran her hands through his hair.
“Hey, Dan?” Pinkie called, seeing if Dan was as asleep as he seemed.
“Zzzzzzz,” was Dan’s response.
“I love you, too.” Pinkie whispered into the darkness, smiling to herself.
To her surprise, Dan grinned, his eyes still closed. “I heard that.” He responded softly.
Pinkie giggled and smiled, lifting Dan’s head up a bit as she leaned hers down. “Good.”
The two kissed once more in the dimly lit darkness of their bedroom, wrapping their arms around each other and holding eachother tight.
Eventually, the two drifted off to sleep in each other’s arms.
Pinkie slept with a small smile on her face, loving arms wrapped tightly around her, having found a happiness she didn’t know existed.
Dan slept deeply and soundly wrapped tightly in the arms of his love, having finally found peace he had never known.