//------------------------------//
// Chapter 7:  Interview With an Equine 
// Story: Mobster Meets Equestria 
// by Caddy Finz 
//------------------------------//

Chapter 7: Interview With an Equine


"Ahhhh, dammit..."  I groaned as I woke up with a massive headache.  "What the hell did I do last night?"

I had apparently been sleeping on a hard surface all night as my head wasn't the only thing of mine that was in pain.  I'm not very far from being fifty years old so my back has seen better days.  As I slowly got up to my feet, bent backwards to straighten my sore back out, I patiently waited for my eyesight to return so I could find out where I was in the first place.

"Hey, look who's up!"  A friendly sounding feminine voice said behind me as I struggled to stay on my feet.  "I told you fun is guaranteed when you hang out with Pinkie."

I turned around to see the purple so called "alicorn" who ran the library, first as a blur but coming in more clearly as my eyesight fully returned.

"Oh, hey Sparks." I greeted.  "Yeah I can actually go back to my world and say that I partied with ponies.  But for my own sake I'd better not tell people that or I might end up in a psych ward."

"Yikes!  They would put you away just for saying that?"

"And they wouldn't think twice about it.  Things are a bit too, uhh...well "real" where I come from so a story about a guy drinking with colorful talking equines isn't too believable.  Was I sleeping on the floor or something?"

"Um, you were on the sofa last time I checked.  You must have rolled off it last night.  So, um anyways...I hope you don't mind but if you have time, I'd really like to ask you a bunch of questions about your world and what it's like there.  I did once go through a portal to a human high school but was only there for three days."

"Can that wait till after I take a piss?  Where's the bathroom in this joint?"

"Oh, right.  Just go up the stairs and it's the first door on the left."

"Thanks, Sparks.  I'll be right back."

As I made my way up the stairs, I noticed the little purple dragon I'd met before on some sort of loft on the other side of the building poking the still asleep Cloud Speed with a broomstick.  I couldn't hear him but I can read lips quite well and I though he was angrily muttering some of the new words I brought to town.   As I took a few more steps, a sudden realization hit me.  These ponies have bathrooms?  A creature that in my world shits while they walk, has a designated facility for the purpose of doing their business?  I found the door I was looking for and went in expecting the place to be filthy.  I was wrong again as I found that the room was pleasantly scented and completely spotless from the bathtub all the way to the low-set toilet.

After getting completely wasted last night, it was only to be expected that I would need to relieve myself.  I finished up, washed my hands in the little sink with this bar of soap that smelled of cake and went back down stairs to tell Sparks what she wanted to know about my world.  I figured since I actually had fun with these ponies, I could at least let one of them interview me.  Cloud Speed was just starting to stir in that basket she was sleeping in as Spike's poking her with the broom along with his language was getting more aggressive.  I reached the bottom of the stairs, plopped my ass on the sofa and Sparks retrieved a clipboard and a pencil from a desk hovering the two objects in her glowing aura.  She then trotted towards me and sat down on a little wooden stool.

"Vinnie, thanks a bunch for agreeing to this."  She said to me.  "Coming from a place where ponies don't even talk, I understand how it must feel weird having one asking you a ton of questions."

"It's cool, Sparks."  I replied.  "So, whadda ya wanna know?"

"Well first off, what type of setting did you come from?  Like, was your area rural or urban?"

"New York City, kid!  I lived right in the heart of Manhattan!"  I answered loud and proud.

"I see.  What would you say if I told you that there's a city on the Eastern coast of Equestria called Manehatten?"

"You're shittin' me!  so when we was drinking last night, Cloud Speed wasn't just spoutin' a bunch of horse shit?"  I then slapped my knee and chuckled at the stupid pun I had just made.

"I wanna say no?  Actually, that's another thing I wanted you to tell me more about.  All those words we've never heard before.  Can you explain them to me?"

"I would, Sparks but I think the Pinkster could help you understand them better than I could.  I gotta hand it to her, the kid's a quick learner."

"That's fine, I'll keep a note on that.  So, what are your family and friends like?"

"Honestly, I don't have any.  I was an only child.  My Pa was a general manager for an auto parts store chain but he was killed in an accident involving a five hundred pound engine block and a forklift when I was just a little boy.  My Ma never remarried and brought me up by herself.  God bless that woman, she passed away when I was in my late thirties and I was left with nobody but the scum I worked fo- are you crying?"

"Oh, I'm sorry Vinnie.  It's just, well...that's just very sad.  You may not have had much immediate family but didn't you at least have any friends you could turn to?"

"Not a one.  I guess I was kinda close with my boss, but I question that sometimes.  He would try to act like he cared about me but I could see right through his fake-ass smile.  I was startin' to think he was a two-faced fuckball before I left anyways."

"Oh I see.  If you don't mind me asking, what did you do for a living?"

"Heheheh.  I was kinda hoping you wouldn't but I might as well just spill it, and believe it or not, that's kinda how I ended up getting dragged into this world.  When I turned eighteen, I tried working at a store for the same company my Pa worked for.  Ya know, like kinda following in his steps.  At first, it was just fine.  I worked there full time, the hourly wage was decent and I got along with my co-workers just fine.  After two and a half years, I was even being groomed for a promotion when the assistant manager retired."

"That doesn't sound so bad.  Why would you not want to talk about that?"

"'Cause that's just the start of it.  It all goes down hill from here.  That promotion I was entitled to came to a halt when the general manager at the time got injured and she had to leave the company.  The new manager they replaced her with went and denied me my promotion, cut me down to part time and hired a new assistant who didn't know his ass from a hole in the ground.  I loved my job up until that time.  This guy was a complete fuckin' asshole and would always call me out on what he thought were mistakes on my part right in front of co-workers and customers.  I think the boss lady was blowin' him so she never did anything about it.  Finally the shit hit the fan when he started talking shit about the one thing that meant the world to me.  My mother."

"Oh my goodness.  What happened next?"

"The way I was brought up, I was taught that you don't talk shit about a guy's mother and get away with it.  The day I lost that job was also the day I was arrested for the first time.  I completely lost my mind and went out to the parking lot to get a baseball bat I kept in my car, went back into the store, came up behind this prick, busted his knees and smacked him around a bit more when he was down."

"Oh, wow.  Um, what did you, uhh.  oh my..."

"Trust me Sparks, I don't wanna make you uncomfortable.  I'm just telling you like it was.  As I got older, my temper mellowed out quite a bit.  Also, you and I are cool so don't worry about that."

"Oh that's great, Vinnie!  That you learned to control yourself better, I mean.  So, what did you do after you, um...released your anger on this other guy?"

"I set his car on fire, took a seat on the curb and waited for the cops to show up.  I knew there was no getting away from that so I just didn't bother trying to go anywhere.  Then this guy who happened to be a friend of my dad heard about my arrest and bailed me outta jail and I somehow never got taken to court or did any more time.  That's where my new career started."

"Oh?  And what type of career was that?"

There was no going back or trying to change the subject at this point.  I then looked my interviewer right in the eye to tell her my horrible life story.

"Now Sparks, I want you to listen to me very carefully and try your best to understand all this.  You're not gonna like what I'm about to tell you but I've left that life behind and plan on leaving it there for good.  From that point, after I was bailed out of the city lockup, the guy Louie who was a friend of my dad's offered me a job with the Zeppargonni mafia.  A mafia is an organized crime gang.  I did a lot of shit I'm not proud of when I worked for them and would give up anything to have gone back and erased it.  I robbed, stole, smuggled and even killed other humans and got paid to do it."

I was still looking her in the eye and had just told her of the horrible things I had done in my life.  she was looking me right back and her eyes started to shed a few tears.  I thought for sure that I was no longer going to be welcome with these ponies who had treated me so well every second I had been here but it did feel like I had dropped a thousand pounds off my shoulders.

"But before you pass your own judgment on me..."  I continued.  "Just know that that's how I ended up here.  I quit that job 'cause It was making me sick, the things I had to do.  My plan was to start over and make an honest liv-"

"Vinnie?"  Sparks quietly interrupted.  "I think it would be in the best interest of both of us if I hugged you.  Would you be okay with that?"

I didn't see that coming.  Instead of telling me to get out and sleep on the streets, this kind, wonderful creature wanted to offer me her friendship.  I couldn't help it anymore.  As tough as I always thought I was, I couldn't keep myself from breaking down in tears as she extended a fore-hoof out to me.  In response to that, I embraced her in a hug with my head on her shoulder and started sobbing like a little baby.  For the first time in my life, I had someone or somepony I could call a true friend.

End Chapter 7