Boast Bypassed

by GreyGuardPony


Set the Stage

In the edge of the Everfree Forest, beyond the outskirts of Ponyville a strange construction was being pulled into place. Three lines of ropes had been strung between two trees, and then run through a series of pulleys and other wheel like devices. The resulting construction was not unlike a series of clotheslines, rigged between two buildings.

The green coated, light blue maned unicorn mare that had rigged it up was currently dragging a large wicker basket of dark blue flowers towards the lines with her magic, taking great care to make sure she didn't touch any of them directly as she floated and clipped each one to the line. It was a slow, laborious process, all done to avoid getting the pollen of the poison joke plant on her and thusly avoid it's more embarrassing effects.

Most ponies wouldn't bother with poison joke. But for Skitch-Sketch they were a good chance to replenish some of her art stock. Poison joke flowers were a deep and striking bright blue color, which was fantastic for paint pigment once ground up. She just had to shake loose the pollen first.

Pausing only long enough to stick a foreleg into the air to get a feel for the way the wind was blowing, Skitch trotted to the ends of the ropes- set up a decent distance away from the rig for added safety- near where a yellow coated pegasus and a manticore were sitting and chatting with each other.

Skitch grabbed the end of the ropes and began to pull. With a creek of metal and the sound of ropes being pulled taught the collection of poison joke was shook violently back and forth; great glittering blue clouds of their curse inducing pollen were tossed to and fro as Skitch continued the process.

She continued shaking the crop of flowers until the clouds of pollen had dwindled to the faintest of trickles before trotting back over to her creation. She pulled each flower down, snapping their stamen and pistils off and then dumping them back into the wicker basket.

She glanced up at Fluttershy as she worked, smiling as her friend continued to have her one sided conversation- well, to her at least- with Manny the Manticore.

As she continued to work the former human's mind wandered, mostly running over her schedule for the rest of the day. Once she finished up here, it would be time to head to the Sunday market to flog caricatures, small paintings and anything else she had been able to collect.

Then it would be over to Fluttershy's to help her out with her animals and after that back across town to do some yard work at Cheerilee's so that she could focus on getting her lesson plans done for the next week.

“Are you okay Skitch?” Fluttershy asked softly, pausing from her other conversation. “You're being quiet.”

“Sorry Flutters, just thinking. Full schedule today and another early morning tomorrow.”

“Used to living with Applejack yet?”

“Well...for the most part. Apple Bloom is really enthusiastic in the mornings. Should have seen me the first morning I was there...”

- - - -

Skitch was thoroughly snuggled under the covers in the Apple family's guest room, contentment etched on her sleeping features.

“RISE AHN SHINE!”

A yellow blur zipped into the room before launching itself into the air and landing on the edge of Skitch's bed. The impact jerked Skitch partially awake and she blinked blearily at the small filly that was currently sitting at her side, a wide grin plastered across her muzzle.

“Come on! Yer gonna miss breakfast!” Apple Bloom grinned, poking her in the side with a hoof. “It's apple pancakes!”

Blinking again, Skitch tilted her head towards the window spying the slight curve of the orange ball creeping into the air.

“Celestia hasn't even gotten the sun over the horizon yet.”

“Yer livin on a farm now! And we get up with the sun!”

Apple Bloom grabbed the covers with her mouth and snapped them off of Skitch's body, eliciting a groan from the unicorn.

“Mornings are evil, Apple Bloom.”

“Na they ain't! Race ya downstairs!” She laughed as she sprung off of the bed and charged out the door.

Skitch groaned again, rolling out of bed and crawling for the door.

- - - -

“Mornings are still evil, by the way.” She snarked as she dropped the last flower into the basket. “You still want me to swing by later to help out with the animals?”

Fluttershy nodded. “Of course.”

Collecting the ropes and pulleys back into her saddlebags she secured them on her back, balancing the basket there next. Cargo secured, she nodded to Fluttershy and Manny again.

“I'll meet you at the cottage once I'm done at the market then.” She called back as she trotted for the road heading back to Ponyville.

The birds were singing as a warm summer breeze tousled her mane as she stepped back into the road proper, lifting her spirits a little more. The day might be full of work, but at least it was a nice one.

“Excuse me, miss?”

Skitch twisted her head around to see where the the call had come from, raising an eyebrow as she spotted a flashy wooden cart being pulled by a familiar- to her at least- blue unicorn. The Great and Powerful Trixie, in the flesh.

“Well,” Skitch muttered under her breath, “I was beginning to wonder if she'd ever show up.”

The fact that Trixie had not made her scheduled appearance in Ponyville pre-Skitch's own arrival into the timeline had been one of the hints to her- in retrospect at least- that the version of Equestria she had wound up in didn't match up with the show.

Slowing down slightly, she fell into step next to the self proclaimed great and powerful. Skitch regarded her carefully not entirely sure what to expect form the mare. Her expression was friendly enough, a smile of greeting firmly on her muzzle as she pulled her cart along.

The Trixie that Skitch was familiar with was somewhat of a self aggrandizing bitch and was not high on her list of characters she liked. Of course, now that she was actually living here...

Get to know the pony, not the perception. Pony, not perception.

“Are you from Ponyville? How far away am I?” Trixie asked, her voice rather upbeat.

“Not that far,” Skitch responded, keeping her tone conversational, “We'll be coming up on the farms in just a little bit and then it's not too much further to the town proper.”

“Ahh. Good! I was wondering if I was getting close.”

Skitch decided to prod a little more, playing ignorant as she glanced at Trixie again.

“So, what brings you into Ponyville with a cart like that? Thing looks big enough to live in.” She narrowed her eyes. “Are you some kind of traveling show mare?”

“Very perceptive, my fine farm mare.” A confident smile crept across Trixie's face. “The Great and Powerful Trixie, master of sleight of hoof and illusions!”

“Farm mare? I'm not a farmer. I'm an artist and illusionist myself.”

“Oh,” Trixie blinked motioning to the basket, “I just assumed. I mean, you kind of have the build of a farmer. Besides, aren't you taking those to the market?”

Skitch blinked at that, not expecting to ever hear the words “build of a farmer” attached to her. But when she thought it over more, she supposed that it made sense. Applejack's athletic build probably came from working on Sweet Apple Acres all her life. And the more she thought about it, the more aware she was of the way lean and toned muscle seemed to ripple under her coat as she walked.

“Uhh...well...I was going to grind them down into blue pigment for my paint. What kind of pony would want to buy poison joke for anything else?”

Trixie sputtered, her eyes almost doubling in size.

“You're going to grind them into paint?! What kind of pony would destroy such a culinary delight?”

“Culinary delight? Do ponies walk around completely cursed off their flank all the time where ever you're from? Because this sounds insane to me.”

Trixie rolled her eyes as she brought her cart to a stop and unhooked herself from it.

“Tell you what miss...?”

“Skitch-Sketch.”

“All right Skitch-Sketch. If I can prove to you that you can eat poison joke safely, you share some of your harvest with me.”

She was eying the basket now, licking her lips.

Skitch considered the offer. On one hand it would mean having fewer flowers to make blue paint with, but on the other hand part of her really, really wanted to see just how consumable the cursed flower was.

“All right, great and powerful Trixie. You're on!”

She waited while Trixie trotted around the back of her cart. The sounds of rummaging reached her ears before Trixie came back out, a small canteen of water floating along with her.

“You've already done the most important part, removing the pollen producing parts of the flower. Now you just give it a good wash, but gently, you'll bruise the flower and destroy the taste otherwise.”

Picking a flower from the basket Trixie poured water over each petal, carefully rubbing away any remaining pollen with a great deal of care. Only after she had cleaned each petal did she present the flower to Skitch, who took it with her own hoof and an unsure glance.

“I had a bad experience with this plant before.”

Trixie idly waved a hoof.

“My mom made me these flowers all the time growing up. I know how to clean them properly.”

Well, at least it'll be an interesting story to tell the others if this screws me up.

Sighing, Skitch popped the flower into her mouth and began to chew. The flavor was sweet, but with a slightly bitter- but not unpleasant- undercurrent that was itself layered with another undercurrent that was just slightly sour. It was like a bittersweet chocolate with some other spices blended in.

She savored the flavor for a few moments, the mouth full of flower gone all too quickly. The expression on Trixie's face said it all.

“...All right,” Skitch smirked, “You got me. That was actually pretty good, assuming I don't wake up invisible or with spots tomorrow.”

Trixie waved her hoof again in a dismissive manner, turning her attention to the bounty of poison joke flowers in the basket. “I'll just help myself.”

Skitch winced. “Don't take too many of them. If they're edible I can sell them and I need the bits in a bad way.”

Trixie raised an eyebrow as she began to clean off another flower.

“Financial troubles?”

“In a matter of speaking. The bank took my house because of...reasons.”

Trixie regarded Skitch carefully as she tossed the now clean flower into her mouth, chewed and then swallowed.

“Tell you what, Skitch-Sketch. I'll do a show in the town square tonight, as I usually do when I reach a new town. You said you were an illusionist, right?”

Skitch nodded. “Yup.”

“Then be my assistant tonight and I'll give you a share of the coins I earn.” She proposed as she took another flower from the basket.

Now it was Skitch's turn to raise an eyebrow.

“That's rather generous of you.”

“Proper entertainer protocol. You're the local, so it's only fair that I bring you in.”

Well, maybe this version of Trixie is a bit more polite. Skitch thought as she smiled, nodding her head. “Still mighty generous of you miss Trixie. Anything else I can help you with?”

“Actually...yes. Do you know where I could find a pony by the name of Twilight Sparkle?”

“I do, actually. She works and lives out of the Golden Oaks Library. It's actually right off of the main square. You can't miss it.”

Trixie nodded as she hooked herself back up to her wagon.

“Thank you again, Skitch-Sketch. I'll see you tonight.”

Skitch-Sketch watched Trixie continue on her way.

“Well...that was unexpected.”

- - - -

Most of the other ponies had their market stalls fully stocked and ready to go by the time Skitch had washed a selection of flowers to add to her stock for the day. Not wasting anymore time she quickly made for her own stall, a few ponies tossing her greetings on the way.

The stall slots in Ponyville's market were semi-permanent; wooden frames with thick colorful canvas stretched over them to form a weather resistant booth to sell ones goods. Slots were also assigned after a prospective merchant filled out their paperwork with town hall, ensuring that each pony could count on having space each week.

Skitch had been assigned a slightly smaller than normal booth between Carrot Top and Cherry Berry. Their marketplace chattery between sales had become part of her weekly routine.

“Morning Carrot Top, Cherry Berry. How's the crowd today?” She asked as she began to pull other items out of her saddlebags. Small canvases, a small collection of paints, some drawing pencils and charcoal.

Carrot Top shrugged slightly.

“It's decent. But it's mostly the 'shopping for food' crowd today. Your art might not sell that well.”

Skitch frowned slightly at the familiar report.

“Seems like some things don't change at all between realities.” She commented as she took up her position in the stall. “Still hard to make a living as an artist.”

She glanced at Carrot Top's stall, her eyes roaming over the fresh, juicy looking carrots and eventually falling on the news paper that was resting on the counter. Carrot Top always had the paper, she religiously checked the weather team's reports. A deep frown crossed her muzzle when she took in the headline and accompanying photo. The photo, was obviously captured when her back was turned. The headline itself felt like a punch to the gut.

Friend or Foe?: Does a Threat Live Among Us?

The byline proudly indicated that the article was written by Fast Facts, a pony that Skitch had only met once, but that meeting had catapulted him straight to the top of her "ponies I absolutely loathe" list. ...Right after Nouveau Riche, who she'd put bits on being behind this.

"Why do you hate harmony?" Of all the inane, idiotic, inflammatory questions...

"Skitch, snap out of it. Staring at the headline won't make it go away." Cherry Berry cut in.

"You sure? I can stare pretty hard."

Carrot Top shook her head as she tucked the newspaper away.

"I'm sorry you have to deal with this harassment. Ponyville rarely has to deal with these problems."

"You do know that none of us think you're a monster, right?" Cherry Berry added.

"Well, most ponies do I know." Skitch sighed. "It's still exhausting to see slander pieces like that. And I do know that some ponies in town are unsure of me." She scanned the crowd. "I've noticed the sideways glances. Even if they aren't afraid of me directly, they're afraid of what will erupt around me."

Carrot Top's smile was reassuring.

“You just have to keep at it. They'll come around. Everypony in town knows you're a hard worker and how you've been working all these extra jobs to try and get your house back.”

“Well, it's not like I've been hiding that particular fact.” Skitch smiled back.

“Now that's the understatement of the century.” Cherry Berry added. “I thought that my ears were going to catch on fire from your swearing when you got off the train from Canterlot.”

“Yeah, well...the bank made me really, really mad.”

“How much have you saved up so far?” Carrot Top asked, Cherry Berry turning her attention towards a customer.

“About twelve hundred bits. Only eight thousand, eight hundred more to make my minimal down payment. One sixth of the value.”

“Sixty thousand bits is way overpriced for this town. I think that the entirety of town hall was built for that much.”

“It's because of that plaque that's next to the door now, isn't it?” Cherry Berry asked.

“Ugh. 'Historical site of first human contact' my flank. He just slapped that on there so that he can wring some extra bits out of selling it. Shouldn't even count. I was already a pony at that time.”

Further grumbling from Skitch was interrupted by two familiar faces approaching the stall. Lyra and Bon Bon, two ponies in as lock step as their relationship, the latter's saddlebags overflowing with fruit. The smile that crossed Skitch's face as they drew close to her was quite genuine. The pair were probably her best patrons when it came to her artwork. Lyra thought that the art was romantic.

“How are my two favorite love birds today?”

“Just fine!” Bon Bon grinned. “Just out doing some shopping. Supplies for my next batch of candy making and all.”

“What's with the poison joke flowers?” Lyra asked, pointing to the basket.

“Oh! You'll never believe this. I met a mare from Neigh Orleans on the way back from the Everfree. She told me that they actually eat these down there and showed me how to properly clean them.” Skitch commented.

Carrot Top eyed them like they were a basket of grenades that were about to go off.

“No one eats poison joke! She had to be pulling one over on you.”

“Hey, I had one! It was actually pretty tasty.” She jerked her head towards the basket. “Try one. I'll trade ya for a carrot.”

Carrot Top still looked unsure, before Cherry Berry gave her town two bits.

“Oh, come on! Give it a try, I'll take one too.”

“I suppose we'll give some a try as well.” Bon Bon nodded.

Flowers were exchanged for a carrot, cherries and bits the ponies enjoying their impromptu repast, Skitch watching their expressions as they ate the flowers.

“So...good, am I right?”

“Certainly better than I was expecting.”

“Ehh. I've ate stranger.” Cherry Berry grinned.

Bon Bon was now staring at the basket of flowers with an expression of deranged glee that only somepony in the throws of creative inspiration could pull off.

“I'll take them all. How much?”

“Uhh...well, I was thinking three bits a flower and I got twenty in there so...fifty bits?”

“Far to much. Thirty bits.”

“Hey, I have to go into the Everfree to get these. Forty five.”

“Forty. And that's the most I'm willing to do.”

“Fine.”

One exchange of money later, and Bon Bon was grinning at her catch.

“I'm going to figure out how to make candy out of you!”

Skitch chuckled as they fell back into the rhythm of the market stall. Sell and haggle, then pony watch and listen to the idle chatter that wound it's way though the air. Plans for the next week mixed with discussions of special someponies, general family chatter, and plans for summer vacations.

It was a normal kind of daily routine. Simple, calming and exactly what she needed.

- - - -

Trixie unhooked herself from her cart, having rolled it into position behind the town hall. Permission to do a show that night had already been secured from the mayor, as well as being able to stay there for a few days later. Now it was just a matter of getting talking to this Twilight Sparkle.

The library was easy enough to spy from her current position, it's leafy green boughs rising over the roofs of it's neighboring buildings. Destination set, Trixie strode that direction as a mare on a mission.

And promptly got five steps before she began to feel tugs on her cloak. Twisting to see who was trying to get her attention, her eyes landed on three adorable fillies that were staring up at her.

“Umm...can I help you little ones?”

They grinned wide, the white coated unicorn of the trio speaking first.

“Hi! We haven't seen you around before. Are you new in town?”

Trixe was about to respond to that, but was beaten to it by the yellow coated earth pony.

“Ain't that obvious? Ah sure don't remember anypony like her living in town.”

The unicorn frowned back. “I know that! But it's what Pinkie asked me to say while she's at her sister's birthday party.”

“But that's Pinkie's thing!” The pegasus pointed out. “If we're going to get our cutie-marks in hospitality, we have to be our own ponies.”

Trixie did her best to suppress her laugh.

Ahh. The unending energy of youth.

The fact that Trixie was hardly old herself was immaterial, of course.

“So, you three are Ponyville's greeting crew, are you?”

A series of rapid nods and a resounding rallying cry was the response.

“CUTIE-MARK CRUSADER TOWN GREETERS!”

The earth pony then followed that up with a round of proper greetings. “Ah'm Apple Bloom, and this is Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo.”

Trixie tilted her hat back into it's proper position an idea springing to light in her mind as to how these enthusiastic fillies could help make sure that she'd have a lot of ponies at her show tonight.

“I don't know. I can recognize talent when I see it, and I see three ponies before me who's cuite-mark crusading talent would be wasted by just being town greeters.”

“Really?” Sweetie Belle asked. “What do you think we should do miss...”

“Trixie. The Great and Powerful Trixie!”

“Well, miss great and powerful, what do you think we should do to get our cutie-marks?”

Trixie grinned. “Show promoters! I need as many ponies as possible in this town square tonight and I think that you three would be perfect to get the word out. I'll even throw in a bit for each of you if you do a good job.”

That seemed to seal the deal, their grins almost going right off their faces.

“Just remember. The Great and Powerful Trixie will be doing a magic show tonight in the town square. Eight o'clock.”

The trio tore off across the town square, already shouting to any ponies that drew near them about the show. A wistful smile crossed her own features as she watched them go, enjoying their simple lives full of potential for the future.

“May they never loose that innocence.”

She returned to her journey towards the Golden Oaks Library, which was a short trip, admittedly. Striding up to the door she pushed it open and then promptly froze, her eyes doubling in size at the sight before her.

The lower floor of the library had been seemingly turned into downright maze of books. Stacks and stacks of tomes shoved next to each other, the loopy path that had been left among them the only way through the mess.

Trixie took a few uncertain steps into the library proper, letting the door close behind her. It was hard to believe that anypony could live in this chaos. However as she began to move through the books, she could see that there was a certain organization to the mess; books were arranged by subject matter at the very least.

She was about to call out and see if anypony was actually here when a purple colored unicorn's head popped into view over one of the stacks.

“Oh! Hello there! Welcome to the Gold Oaks Library. I'm the head...well...only librarian, Twilight Sparkle. Please excuse the mess, I'm re-sorting the stacks today.”

Her head disappeared from view again, the full pony trotting into view a moment later.

“What can I help you with today?”

“Right. My name is Trixie Lulamoon, and I understand that you're Princess Celestia's student?”

Twilight nodded. “That I am.”

“Would you be able to get a message to her? I discovered some...information that she really needs to know about.”

“Information? What kind of information?”

“The criminal kind and before you ask,” She said, holding up a hoof to stop Twilight's question, “No, I do not trust just the guard on this. I was told you could get me access to her. Is this true?”

The frown on Twilight Sparkle's face spoke to her suspicion at what Trixie had told her.

“Well...I suppose I could in theory. But Princess Celestia always has ponies trying to see her, and she has all of the affairs of state to run. There would need to be a good reason...”

“How about evidence against a pony that's engaged in the smuggling of dangerous magical items?”

“...What?”

Trixie sighed, pulling her hat off and revealing her documents.

“His name is Bayou Runner. Kingpin of Neigh Orleans. This is a collection of payment records that I...shall we say liberated, from his financial books. And I know that at the very least some ponies in the Neigh Orleans guard were on the take, because those payment records are on page ten.”

Twilight took the papers herself, her eyes rapidly scanning over transaction line while Trixie continued to explain.

“I barely escaped the city and I've had some pony sabotaging my shows on the way here. In Hoofington, they lured an ursa minor into the town! The only ponies I trust with this are the princesses or those directly connected to them.”

Twilight frowned slightly.

“But these don't say what the payments are for. They just list other names.”

Trixie nodded. “That is true, which is why they need to be backed up by testimony from me. And there would need to be more of an investigation...but at least now there would be a direction to go.”

She looked to Twilight, hoping that Celestia's student would see what she was driving at and be able to help her. The flicker of realization danced in Twilight's eyes as she worked out exactly what this meant.

“All right Trixie. I can help you get this to the princess...”

Trixie smiled widely.

“...but not until tomorrow.”

Trixie's expression changed to crestfallen.

“What? Why?”

“I keep in touch with Princess Celestia with my assistant, Spike. He's a baby dragon, and his fire breath transports the messages straight to her office.”

Trixie frowned.

“Where is he?”

“Well, my friend Rarity got called out to Canterlot for the weekend to do some fittings for clients. She needed some help and Spike offered to go with her. They should be back tomorrow afternoon though!”

Trixie sighed. “Well, it's the best option I've had so far. I'll be back tomorrow. Can I have those back?”

Twilight blinked. “You just want to keep them in your hat?”

Trixie shrugged. “Not sure where else I'm supposed to keep them.”

Now it was Twilight's turn to smirk as she motioned for Trixie to follow her. Trixie frowned slightly, but followed all the same. Twilight lead her through the stacks to a section of the shelves that still had books on it.

“I found something that just might be useful for you a few months back when a new friend rolled into town.”

Grabbing one of the books, she gave it a sharp yank part of the bookshelf sliding to the side, revealing a hidden compartment.

“You could keep the documents safe in here and then when Spike comes back tomorrow we can get them off to Princess Celestia.”

Trixie bit her lip.

“Well...as much as I don't like the idea of letting these things out of my sight, a hidden compartment is a better place than my hat.”

Twilight smiled as she stowed the pages safely away, closing the shelves back up.

“Don't worry Trixie. They'll be safe here. And Ponyville is a very safe place. Everything will be fine.”

- - - -

Rising Note rubbed her eyes, stifling a yawn as she took a few steps back from her desk. It had taken the whole night to re-copy, from memory, down to every detail the documents that Trixie had passed off to her that night. Now it was a matter of getting it to her superiors. Just in case something happened to Trixie's copies.

Throwing them into her saddle bags and then those on, she trotted out the door and began to follow the road out of town. Ten minutes past the outskirts of town, there was a sudden pinprick of pain in the back of her neck.

Before she could really begin to work out what had hit her, the world began to spin and sway before her. It was like a blanket had been wrapped around her brain, her limbs becoming unresponsive as she flopped to the ground with a thud. Her ears swivelled towards the sound of approaching hooves, and a moment later a pair of azure furred legs stepped into view.

“T-Trixie...wha...I told you...you need to get to Ponyville. Pony-ville...”

A sharp pain exploded in the back of her head before darkness claimed her.

- - - -

Thorn let her disguise end fall as she glanced at Storm Front, who had just dropped the pegasai with a punch to the back of her head. Muddy Waters stepped out of the bushes himself, casually tossing the blowgun aside.

“Nice work Muddy Waters. You didn't screw things up for once.” Thorn commented.

“Bite me Thorn.”

“Maybe later.” She snarked, rummaging through Rising Note's saddle bags. It only took a moment or two of searching to find the document copies, which she then thoroughly shredded against the ground. “Now let's get out of here. If we double time it, we might be able to make it to Ponyville before everything gets ruined!”

“What are you talking about?” Storm Front glowered as he and Muddy Waters followed Thorn down the road.

“My superiors in Canterlot told me a while ago that Celestia's little protegee in turn has an assistant that can magically speed send things to the princess. So, if we don't catch up with her that information will go straight to sun-butt and your boss is doomed!”

Buzzing her wings, she took to the air, focusing her eyes on the Everfree.

“If we cut over the Everfree instead of going around, we'll shave a few hours off the trip.”

Muddy Waters winced.

“I can't fly! Can't you use another one of those beads of yours?”

“I used both my spell-cache marbles already. So,” She pointed to Storm Front, “Pick your partner up and move those wings!”

With a great deal of grumbling, Storm Front grabbed Muddy Waters and the strange procession took flight over the Everfree like a dragon was on their tail.