The Masseur

by NachoTheBrony

9: Chronic Insomnia

The Masseur 09: Chronic Insomnia

Day 183

The maids browbeat me into getting out of the castle and have a walk through the city.
Out there, I bought a lyre on a whim.
I don’t know what was I thinking, especially considering that everybody knows who I am and now I’ll go and get stalked by the musicians’ guild or something.

And all of it because I wanted to listen again to the Fairy Fountain melody from Zelda: Ocarina of Time. I'm a ~feather brain~, especially considering that, now that I think about it, I think the base melody fits more the sound of a dulcimer, and the solos are either violin or flute (I can't remember which one).

Day 188

While both human and pony languages say things like “keep the cold out”, I have finally caught on the fact that ponies think that cold is a thing, rather than being what it is: the absence of heat. I think I was first hearing it from some maids, and then I went to Day Court and to Princess Solaria’s Academy for Gifted Magic Users, and various scholars explained to me how ~warm humours~ and ~chill humours~, both being intangible fluids, flow in and out of stuff making it hotter or colder. The people at the Academy also explained to me how, while heat-creating spells were easy enough, nobody understand why cold-creating spells always fail.
Thus, ponies don’t understand the very basics of thermodynamics, let alone the kinetic nature of heat.
I’m just glad to have found a new problem, and one that can be worked on by having assistants and having them do the work. Meanwhile, I should be able to just sit and supervise them, or have them report to me if I become bedridden.
And the doctors continue to be baffled by my progressive collapse.
I think I may need to check how to legalize a Last Will and Testament around here. I think I will leave my moneys and possessions evenly split between Good Listener and Hikaru, then my royalties to some orphanage or scholarship fund, to be administered by ~Luna~.
On other news, I’ll do the next pair of royal appointments, then cancel massage service altogether.

Day 191

I had a severe dizzy spell while massaging ~Luna~’s face. Thankfully, I stepped sideway before I lost my footing. Thus, her horn only went through my right shoulder rather than my chest. Good thing I’m left handed.

I'm surprised that her horn went through me like greased lightning: I had a similar accident with one of Good Listener's fiancées, and her horn barely pierced my skin.

Even as I lay here, I can hear a half-dozen maids saying everything they know to the princesses. I'll tell the doctors to spill the beans as well.

In retrospective, I’m awed at how easily ~Luna~’s horn slipped into my flesh, with the spiral fluting actually expanding the hole rather than creating friction and stopping the stroke. It was also surprisingly painless.

I wonder if, when the time comes, I’ll ask her to gore me in my sleep.

Day 193

So, I have been told that Princess ~Luna~ has been sending me ‘pleasant’ dreams for about a month a half. I have then received confirmation from several sources that her powers include ‘herding the sleeping minds of her subjects away from nightmares’; nevertheless, because she has ‘untold numbers’ of subjects (which I think may number in significant fractions of a million), she is usually just hovering over the general mindscape, only giving nudges toward the positive to regular bad dreams and only really entering the nightmares that really seemed to stand out for the bad.

Day 194, early morning

~Luna~ came by just before I would have fallen asleep last night.
She told me that it was her fault: that she had been seeing from the general mindscape that my dreams were always unpleasant, but that it took her months to figure out how to enter the dreams of a ~bald monkey~, and there she found something that she hadn’t found in the dreams of any of her subjects: a desire for her that rather than being rooted on mere lust for her body or her powers or her position, concentrated on liking her smile, her laughter and her conversation.
She told me that she was flattered. That she stepped into my dreams and had several nights worth of conversation before she checked if she could invoke ~carnal urges~ in me.
It all apparently started about the time I gave her ~Pulse Speech 7 and 5~: about two or three nights later, she finally had the breakthrough of being able to enter my dreams. After she corrected a few nightmares, she saw how my dreams would morph into me bringing ‘machines of wonder’ into Equestria, or into me living in a normal house while my moneys where pumped into orphanages.

I’m currently feeling very conflicted: she basically told me that she has been raping me (as in having sex with me without my real consent), yet I just can’t feel angry at the girl who thought she was doing it to my complete benefit.

Damn me for being male! Why can’t I be properly incensed!?

I think I’ll need some time... and perhaps some distance as well.