Twilight Sparkle lived by rules. One could almost say that her mental work space was built around the idea that there was, ultimately at the bottom of all things, a rule for something. That she didn’t know what the rules were for a thing merely meant one thing-research.
It hit after dinner, after sharing a very delicious lasagna with her friends and the Cutie Mark Crusaders. The tradition of helping Spike clean up dinner was still strong, and she washed and put away all the dishes. She had finished cleaning up the last little bits of lint that had escaped everypony else in the library, and was about to head for bed when a single, stunning thought made her freeze half-way up the stairs to her room.
Who’s Jaegers were those?
Simple in it’s form, yet so elegantly disturbing, like a logical sledgehammer to the psychic kneecap. Twilight Sparkle was about to commit to school students-and worse, the Cutie Mark Crusaders-several billion bits of Equestrian military hardware. Most of it was old military hardware, to be sure, but it was still armed. And dangerous.
And, without clear ownership. Which could result in her and her friends getting fined, arrested, thrown in jail, or even perhaps sent to Magical Pre-School. This was something that did not have a rule attached to it. So, she needed to do the thing that would allow her to find out what that rule was.
Research.
In theory, Princess Twilight Sparkle could have woken up Mayor Mare and asked her to open up the archives. But, it was nearly midnight, and Twilight Sparkle wouldn’t have asked anypony awake to deal with her attack of nerves. So, she just teleported herself into the archives, and set up a few small spell lights. With a small, well-lit work space, she unrolled the scroll she needed.
After one horrifying incident in the Royal Canterlotian Library (where she barely escaped from an upset orangutang librarian), she had worked out a spell that would let her find anything in any library. The only issue was time and effort-it was not something that was fast, but it was complete. So, she checked the scroll’s spell bindings, added ink to her quill, and wrote on the search parameters section of the scroll. Finished, she cleaned and put away her ink and quill, and concentrated her magic on the scroll.
As her horn lit up, little...specks started to appear on the floor. A few second later, the specks resolved themselves to become tiny, softly glowing, hoof-sized versions of Twilight Sparkle. After studying the effect of the Mirror Pool and it’s ability to duplicate things, she had come up with a limited version of the same effect and a way of setting rules for the duplicates. When she had shown the spell to Princess Celestia, she was amazed and somewhat shocked. And very impressed.
Before she became an alicorn, she could only summon a dozen of the little duplicates she called “sprites”. Afterwards, if she really concentrated, she could call up to a hundred. But, she didn’t need that many here, so she only created thirty.
Now, the final command words.
“You know your mission. You have thirty minutes,” and she wound the stopwatch that Princess Cadence gaver her after her ascension. She smiled as she looked at the inscription inside of it, “for the ladybug who always needs time”, and then said, “Go.”
Her sprites lept into action, passing harmlessly through shelves, bookcases, and file cabinets. They were purely things of magic, and would find anything within the confines of the archives that was set according to her parameters, and when they had explored the entire area they would return. Every twist and turn of their movements were perfectly recorded and as part of their return parameters, it would allow Twilight Sparkle to know perfectly where any written document that had the words on them was.
Lately, she was experimenting with logical parameters. IF/NOT, AND/OR, IF/THEN, a whole range of logical calculations and computational systems. One of the things that magic had fallen far behind in was the ability to handle parameter issues. A simple computer or iFruit could be programmed to respond to logical problems that a spell could not. She had a great paper on this subject and hoped to present it to the Royal Equestrian Magical Society soon, because she thought there was a great deal of potential in combining magical techniques and computer processing ability to amplify both and…
“Um, um!” a whole chorus of squeaky little Twilight Sparkle voices said, breaking her out of her inner monologue.
Twilight Sparkle looked down and saw that her sprites had returned. When she had set up the search, she had set the time frame for the words “Jaeger” in three blocks-fifteen years or less, sixteen to thirty years, and thirty-one years and more. The only ones that had the “happy” expression of finding something was the ones that were fifteen years or less. The rest had a “sad” expression-lying on the floor, hooves over their heads-of not finding anything. And, from the expression of the “happy” sprites, all the references were less than two years old.
“Pony flank,” Twilight Sparkle cursed. “Thank you, everypony,” she said, and gave out the virtual sugar cubes that was the “end of run” for the sprites. As the sprites dissolved into the background magic field, she looked around the room and sighed. There was one more place she could check.
A long hour later, Twilight Sparkle returned back home to the library. She had searched through the microfilm archives in the city basement, and still didn’t find a single reference to Jaegers that could explain why somepony had built a base in the middle of the Old Gulch Mine for them. Which made no sense. Somepony had to have worked on putting the base there. Putting the Jaegers there. And, putting that file in the archives that Rainbow Dash had seen. There was some reason why it was there.
Not that long ago-barely even a year ago-this inability to figure out what was going on would have driven Twilight Sparkle to distraction and a sleepless night. But, for this, she had a rule. First thing she did, after putting away all of her equipment and gear, was to get out a sheet of parchment and a directory of contact information for the Royal Equestrian Military. She had copies of all the Jaeger’s serial numbers and official specification numbers, and she started to write a letter.
TO: ROYAL EQUESTRIAN ARMED FORCES ARCHIVES
FROM: PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE
RE: ARCHIVAL DATA
Enclosed is a list of serial numbers and specification numbers for eight Fafnir-type Jaegers. As soon as possible, please send to me by courier or dragon post the disposition and transport records for all eight of the Jaegers listed.
In addition, please send me copies of the document tracking sheets for the disposition and transport records of the previously mentioned Jaegers as soon as possible.
Thank you.
A second letter was drafted for the Royal Equestrian Jaeger Corps, virtually identical to the first. Once she had finished that, she sealed, rolled, and bound the two scrolls and added yellow ribbons-one step above “normal” priority-to the wax seals she used to secure the scrolls closed. Then, she addressed them and put them in the “out” box for Spike to handle the next morning. Cleaning everything up, Twilight Sparkle began to slowly count backwards from a hundred, walking with calm steps towards her bed.
By the time she had hit twenty, she was in bed, pulling her sheets over her with her magic, and consigning all of her worries and cares to a small spot that was “don’t open until the sun comes up”. Reaching ten allowed her to close her eyes and think to herself it’ll be a new day tomorrow, I can start figuring it out then. And, finally, by the time she hit two...she forgot one.
One of the few disadvantages of this technique was that Twilight Sparkle tended to snore in her sleep when she used it. Loudly.
The next morning, Twilight Sparkle woke up fairly late (by her standards). It was only nine am when she came down the stairs, where Spike was cooking breakfast. “So, what’s on the agenda for today and, ahhhhh!” Twilight Sparkle jumped back a step when she saw the bags under Spike’s eyes had suitcases, trunks, and at least one or two steamer cases.
“Twilight, was there something on your mind you couldn’t stop thinking about last night?” Spike groaned, as he carefully worked the frying pan. “The last time you snored that loudly, you were trying to figure out how to turn all the orange trees in Applejack’s orchards back into apple trees before she decided she was going to resurrect some kind of pagan pony sacrifice. With you as the sacrifice!”
“I’m sorry,” Twilight Sparkle said, sitting down at the table as Spike laid out breakfast. “Just, last night it hit me that I don’t know who really owns those Jaegers. And, if I just take them, I’ll get in trouble because they’re not mine to use and such.”
“Well, if that’s the case,” Spike said, pulling his own breakfast out, and waiting carefully for Twilight Sparkle to not have anything in her mouth when he dropped this particular bombshell. “The truth is that I travelled back in time, stole the Jaegers, hid them, and arranged a whole huge mass of causality events with the help of Doctor Whooves so that Rainbow Dash would find the records and tell you,” he confessed, in an absolutely deadpan voice.
Twilight Sparkle looked at Spike, eyebrow raised, then started to laugh. “Spike, that is almost believable,” she giggled, took a deep breath, then got back to work on breakfast. “Since it’s Sunday, the library is closed, I probably won’t need to send any scrolls until Monday, and I should be able to handle lunch on my own, take the whole day off. In fact, if you don’t get out of here and find a nice place for a nap,” she said with a wicked gleam in her eye, “I’ll teleport you until you find a spot to rest.”
“Thanks,” Spike smiled, and started to put the dishes in the sink. “Should be around the lake if you need me.”
“I’ll finish cleaning up,” Twilight Sparkle said. “I can use the mental health break.”
Once all the dishes were cleaned up and put away, Twilight Sparkle loaded up her saddle bags and headed over to the Jaeger hanger.
Cranky ran into her as she was walking over. “I got all the paperwork organized and my manuals out of storage,” he said, moving around his saddle bags. “There’s an ‘official’ training manual and there’s the IECC recommended one. Of the two, I’m going with the official one. The IECC is a bit tight on some things that they should be looser on.”
“Such as?”
“IECC rules are based around competitive Jaegery. What we’re doing against other teams in our district. I learned Jagery as a combat pilot-so, more focused aggression, more wanting to go for the enemy jugular,” Cranky shrugged. “Oh, I’ve already got a training program worked out. We’ll be IECC legal, but I want to get the foals learning to go hard for their enemies. And, to properly be able to use their hate.”
This stopped Twilight Sparkle in her tracks. “How can you ‘properly’ use hate?” she asked.
Cranky thought about that, scratched behind his ear with his hoof, and said, “Hate is like a wheatstone-a little bit of it, properly applied, can sharpen the edge of your abilities. Ever compete with anypony that you just really wanted to kick their flank in? Really worked hard so you could win?”
“Yea,” Twilight Sparkle nodded. “I did. And, I can see what you mean. And, ‘improperly’ used hate?”
“Ever see a poorly sharpened blade? One where the edges were all wrong, or honed down to nothing? That’s what hate, improperly used, can do,” Cranky replied. “I want our little fillies to be the sharpest-and best sharpened-razors out there.”
“That’s a scary thought,” Twilight Sparkle replied.
“Every tool kit should have a good, sharp knife. You might need it one day. And,” Cranky said, looking Twilight Sparkle in the eyes, “if you cut yourself on it because you’re careless or don’t have a sheath for it, it’s your fault.”
“Yea,” Twilight Sparkle said, feeling a bit sheepish. “On that, I might just need a good knife to solve a problem I just realized.”
By the time they had made it down to the hanger, Cranky was amazed. “No records at all? Like this place just appeared one day in the middle of the mine?”
“I checked the archives, twice. The mine was closed down twenty years ago-not economical for the return on gems. It reverted back to public lands, and well...that’s about it other than the occasional note about putting a new ‘No Trespassing’ sign on the entrances,” Twilight Sparkle said, mildly frustrated. “So, I’m following it up on the other end. I’ve asked the Royal Equestrian Armed Forces Archives and the Jaeger Corps for records, they should be able to send us the disposition records of the Jaegers.”
“Makes sense,” Cranky replied, feeling slightly confused. “But, I mean...eight Jaegers. And, somewhat newer ones, too. And, a full bay of ordinance.” Twilight Sparkle looked at him curiously. “These are live Jaegers-they haven’t been de-militarized. Their weapon mounts are intact, they have all their hardware, even the ‘classified’ equipment, and we have a fully stocked bay of live weapons. Right down the hall from the simulation weapons.”
“Are they safe?” Twilight Sparkle asked. “I mean, after fifteen or so years…”
“First thing we checked,” Cranky said, looking around as there were a few ponies doing maintenance and check ups on the Jaegers. “All of the ordinance was stored in time-suppression fields and in an inert atmosphere, so there’s been no decay or instability. And, all the explosive stuff is in proper storage bunkers-heavy blast doors that swing into the bunker, reinforced and enchanted bunker walls, detonation vents leading up to the middle of the mountain, where it’ll bother no pony if something goes wrong. And, before you ask, Jaegers being used for Jaegery aren’t de-militarized. But, they usually keep the live ordnance very separate.”
“How separate?” Twilight Sparkle looked at Cranky, eyebrow and ear raised.
“Usually on the military base near the school,” he replied. Twilight Sparkle watched as what looked like a familiar set of reddish colt legs were sticking out of one of Jaegers. “I’m amazed-you have a lot of retired military ponies here. Mind you, I’m the only Jaeger jockey, but I think you’ve got every other branch represented. Hey,” Cranky yelled up to Sigurd that had the familiar set of legs sticking out of it. “Big Mac! Think you can come down here for a sec?”
From the interior of the Sigurd, a grease-stained and goggled Big Macintosh pulled out the wrench he was using with his front hooves and looked around for a ladder. He came down the series of three ladders by using them like a fire pole, his hooves braking against the sides. “Howdy, Cranky, Twilight,” he said, rummaging around his work pouch for a rag to wipe his hooves off with. “Been looking around the insides of the Jaegers for you.”
“You never told me you worked on Jaegers,” Twilight Sparkle looked at Big Macintosh in suprise. “Or that you were in the army.”
“Two terms, before our parents died,” Big Macintosh looked at her, sheepishly. “And, I wasn’t a Jaeger nanny, I was a cannon cocker.” To Twilight Sparkle’s confused look, he thought about it and explained, “Was in the artillery. Had to learn how to fix every part of our cannon, and that meant the engine as well. They retrofitted ‘em Jaegers with proper new crystal mana drives. Like everything else, ‘cept the software, it’s fifteen years old but in great shape. The software is current, last update was five days ago. Like somebody’s still writing updates for the old ladies.”
“Well, they are, in a way,” Cranky grunted. “They have to be refitting the old Jaegers used in Jaegery with new systems so they can stay current. And, uphold new safety regulations and such.”
“Cranky, these are the same boxes that came into this mine fifteen years ago. And, somepony’s still writing software for ‘em,” Big Macintosh shook his head. “Don’t know enough ‘bout that Internet stuff to figure out where it’s coming from, but it’s still current.”
Twilight Sparkle looked up at the Jaeger and back down at her friends. “Did you find anything that might say why these Jaegers were put here? I can’t find any records that they were put here in City Hall.”
“Had the same thought, Twilight,” Big Macintosh said. “All of us went a’looking and we can’t find anything that has a name or a date or anything on it that would indicate who put the base here. It’s like somepony sanitized the entire facility so completely that they even got rid of the records for Equestria Army Form Number One!”
“Huh?” Twilight Sparkle asked curiously, eyebrow raised.
“‘Equestrian Army Form Number One’ is what soldiers call toliet paper,” Cranky sighed. “And, trust me, if there isn’t any records of the toilet paper being delivered, they had to have gotten everything.”
“So, we have a base full of Jaegers that are Jaegery-configured, but no record at all who made or put the base here,” Twilight Sparkle face-hoofed herself and made a soft sound between a groan and a sigh. “Well, I did send for copies of the deployment records for the Jaegers with the Royal Equestrian Armed Forces Archives, and maybe they’ll be able to give us some idea. Until then…”
Twilight Sparkle made a turn around the room, and a soft huff. “Until then,” she repeated, “I’m going to put my official ‘Princess of Equestria’ hoof down and claim eminent domain. So long as nothing is damaged or the value of it is altered before we can get the records, the people of Ponyville and the Ponyville School can use the Jaegers. Just don’t blow anything up, please! Ponyville can’t afford to replace a busted Jaeger.”
Twilight Sparkle looked around the bay a bit more. “So, we got eight Jaegers and enough actual ordinance for, what, thirty days of combat? What else do we have here?”
“Checked myself,” Cranky replied, walking her over to a quieter part of the Jaeger bay. “There’s a Drive suit fitting room, a full simulation array that we can plug the Jaeger’s Manifolds in, and training facilities. A complete range of simulation weapons, from close combat to ranged kinetic and directed energy to missile launchers. We’re restricted to the ten-mile limit for weapon ranges, but we’ve got every sort of ordinance that can handle combat up to ten miles. Including simulation external missile packages of five hundred and seven hundred fifty kilo warhead types. Full counter-measure packages as well, but no deployable simulation ordinance-no mines, no gun jacks, no caltrops. But, since Jaegery is all about Jaeger versus Jaeger combat, we’re fine without all of those but the mines. There’s a few neat tricks you can do with mines, especially anti-Jaeger ones.” Cranky sighed. “Oh, well. Of course, if it was easy, they wouldn’t need us, would they?”
“No, they wouldn’t.” Twilight Sparkle smiled and started to walk down the hallway to the base offices. “So, what’s your plan so far?”
“Get the flanking paperwork filled out first, and get it mailed off before the end of the day. Once we do that, we can start doing recruiting at the Ponyville school. Rough guess, we’ll need about half the class to volunteer so we can pare it down to the number of jockeys we need…,” Cranky replied, following in Twilight Sparkle’s footsteps.
“Jockeys?” Twilight Sparkle interrupted, with a raised eyebrow and ear. “I’m still getting use to all this jargon you keep throwing around.”
“What we call ourselves, the ponies that pilot Jaegers,” Cranky replied. “We ride them into battle, so of course we’re jockeys. The kids you brought with you yesterday, the ‘Cutie Mark Crusaders’, right?” Twilight Sparkle nodded. “Already got them going through testing. My bet? They’re damned near a Drift-compatible team, and that’s one slot on one Jaeger that I can fill. Rough guess, the little pegasus is going to be your Princeps, she’s got a real ‘go for the jugular’ attitude. I’m probably going to stick them in one of the Sigurds, maybe even the Odin if we can find a good Princeps Primus to ride with them. And, that, my dear princess, is going to be where we will probably fall down.”
“Oh?”
“We need a really flanking good Princeps Primus to make it into the top three. Those don’t grow on trees. Usually, we get them by years of training and work, and lots of luck. Without one, well...a Jaeger is a Jaeger, just one weapon walking on the battlefield. But, with a good Princeps Primus, an octo is like the horn of Faustia, smashing any opponent that gets in their way,” Cranky smiled. “So, I’m really hoping that the foals are right and that Michelle Bluebottle is actually Michelle Steelheart, and we can get her to be our Princeps Primus. Else I’m just going to have to hope we find a good little foal that can fight really well and is a team player.”
“Oh.” Twilight Sparkle looked at her hooves. Then, took a deep breath. “So, first thing on our check list. We get that paperwork filled out. How hard can it be?”
Three hours later, Twilight Sparkle was ready to send a letter to Princess Celestia. If only to find out if she could exile ponies to the Moon. And, if she couldn’t, where could she send them? Taurus? Mars? Pluto? The surface of the Sun? The deepest trench in the ocean? New Jockey?
Because, after wading through the paperwork to get the team officially set up for IECC regulations, she was ready to exile as many ponies as she could. If for just the number of trees they had cut down to create all of this paperwork.
“I’ve seen magical exams that were less complicated than this,” Twilight Sparkle groaned, “Nightmare Moon’s horn, I’ve written magical exams that were less complicated than this. We have to fill out a ‘claim for deployment’ form, in triplicate, and get the forms notarized! I think one of the ponies you’ve got helping is a notary, can we find him?”
“Only if you can figure out what this flanking form is asking for. And, you have to fill out these tiny boxes in pen,” Cranky huffed, looking at the paperwork.
Twilight Sparkle looked at the paperwork, and groaned angrily. “This is going to drive me to drink! And, if I didn’t know how to drink already, I’d learn how, just because!”
Five long hours later, Twilight Sparkle trudged home, feeling like she had been beaten all over by bureaucratic baseball bats. After a few hours, consulting with one of the local lawyer pegasus and not setting ponies on fire, they had managed to finish filling out the forms, get them wrapped up properly, and she had stuck it in her saddle bag to be mailed off tomorrow. Fortunately, she had sent a message ahead to Spike that she’d be late for dinner, and wanted just a sandwich or such when she got back.
So, she was genuinely surprised when she was ambushed by a wild Rarity on the way home.
“Ma douce amie, you are a mess!” Rarity shook her head, carefully holding up Twilight Sparkle off the ground with her magic and sorting through her saddlebags for her tools. “Mane’s a mess, your aimable hoofs are covered in grease and ink, the press would tut tut seeing you, ma princesse."
“Um, Rarity,” Twilight Sparkle said, not really resisting because she was so tired and just wanted to go home. “I’m fine, really-I’ll take a shower tomorrow and that’ll cover most of it…”
“Oh, no, no, chère dame,” Rarity smiled. “It’s not trouble at all. Now, let me…” she pulled out a brush and started to work it through Twilight Sparkle’s hair. “Sweetie Belle got home a few hours ago. She’s really happy with the idea that maybe she won’t have to go to Baltimare for school. Which would make me happy too, as it would be such a long ride for such a young filly. Mind you, the idea that she would be learning to do Jaegery is a bit scary, but she’s a smart little filly.”
It took Twilight Sparkle a bit to get through her mentally fatigued mind what was going on. “Rarity, I’m glad she gets to stay as well. And, thank you.”
“No, no, thank you, ma douce amie,” Rarity smiled as she worked the brush through Twilight Sparkle’s hair. “I was hoping to catch you before you made it home, so I could get whatever permission forms you needed to let Sweetie Belle participate. Better to get it done now, rather than later, eh?”
Twilight Sparkle groaned, but remained still. She knew Rarity hated it when people messed up her work. “I have the forms back at the library. If you’ll follow me and…”
“Perfect!” Rarity smiled, and held up a mirror. “See, you look better already.”
In the few minutes of conversations, Rarity had managed to fix the worst of Twilight Sparkle’s hair damage and clean her hooves off. Not a huge transformation, but she looked a lot better, and felt better, as well. “Rarity, you’re a saint. And a speed demon.”
“Once you’ve had to deal with insipide and insolent models getting ready for the runway,” Rarity smiled. “Helping out a friend is very easy. Shall we walk home?”
“Of course,” Twilight Sparkle smiled. “And, thank you.”
“And, thank you, ma princesse. You have taken a great load off my shoulders.”