//------------------------------// // 13. Blackout // Story: Dash of Humanity // by Kaidan //------------------------------// Flying above the outskirts of the Crystal Empire reminded me of the Antarctic. Everywhere I looked was an endless expanse of snow. There were some evergreen trees and pockets of lichen, even a frozen lake or two. Yet most of that vast tundra seemed to be buried in snow, and at the time we could only keep our bearings by looking at the mountain range to our right. “Luna, if we find Discord can we force him to send me back using the Elements?” I asked. “I’m not sure. The Elements would most likely imprison him in stone again. It is unfortunate that Loyalty isn’t working or we would have leverage to bargain with him.” Luna dove to the right towards some rocky ground in the distance. I swooped down and caught up to her easily, feeling the icy wind cut through my feathers. “Your mastery of flight is impressive. It is amazing how much you have learned from coexisting with her.” “That’s what I don’t get, Luna. If I’m turning into Dash, why won’t Loyalty work? It’s not like I’m disloyal. If anything, I think I’ve handled this whole debacle rather well.” She chuckled and flared her wings, slowing down while we surveyed the landscape. “Indeed. According to what you’ve told me, Discord has done more than visit Earth. He has created a life for himself there. No doubt he knew enough about humans to know they’d disrupt the Elements of Harmony. He couldn’t have predicted how they’d disrupt them or that they may not disrupt them at all. I’m more concerned for his contingency plan.” “What? Like zap more humans over here?” “Yes, or he could just give up on revenge for a few centuries and live on Earth, striking again when the Elements are in less capable hooves.” I slowed down to a hover, following Luna’s lead. “What’d you guys do to make him hate everypony so much?” “All beings that live millennia get to know each other, almost like siblings. What at first may be a cute habit becomes annoying, and bickering begins. Discord, like Celestia and I, has lived on Equestria for thousands of years. Our father used to keep a truce with Discord until his. . . passing.” “Okay, so what can we do to fix everything?” “I fear there is not much you can do. I admit my studies of the Canterlot library have been fruitless thus far. You are an unknown variable, for us as much as Discord. No pressure, Don, but you’ll either foil his plans or cause them to succeed. You, Dash, and your choices will play a larger role than any magic in keeping you alive in our world.” “Thanks. That’s comforting.” I rolled my eyes and crossed my legs. It felt like a natural gesture. Yeah, no pressure, Don. I just need to save an entire world from the god of chaos by fixing a broken, magical necklace while inhabiting another pony’s body. [Pfft, you make it sound like it’ll be hard. I bet you fifty bits in a few days we’ve beat Discord and sent you home.] You’re on. I’m sure the conversion rate for bits to US dollars will be favorable considering I have the only fifty in existence. [See? You just have to look on the bright side of life.] Or the bright side of death. [What do you mean?] Well, I’ve been thinking about it and if we have to choose. . . I think I’d rather die than let you die. [Whoa, back up. No one is going to die!] I wish I could believe that, but my memories are so blurry, you know? Being back on Earth helped, but I feel like I’ve lost decades of my life. What kind of car did I drive? Where did I go to school? Who was my high school sweetheart? [Well, let’s not dwell on it. I’m forgetting stuff too.] There should be something more definite we can do to fix it. I hate just waiting for stuff to happen. [Well, for now, why don’t we check out that cave over there.] What cave? [See that snow drift there? It’s loosely packed powder and it’s slanted in a different direction than the other drifts. The snow came in from the northwest, and it’s pointing southeast.] On the off chance you get stranded on Earth at the end of this, you’d make millions as a weather pony on the news. [Ha! Predicting the weather is child’s play.] Not for Humans, we’re lucky to predict five days in advance. I noticed Luna staring at me and smirking. “What?” “Oh nothing.” She chuckled. “Just enjoying the looks on your face while you talk to Dash.” “Laugh it up, furball.” I pointed towards the odd patch of snow. “Dash says we should check out that hill.” “Why? It’s just more snow.” “Hey, which one of us is the weather pony? Stand back and watch.” [Ugh, just fly down and scoop the snow out of the way. We don’t need witty catch phrases.] On the contrary, I’m just getting started. I might as well have some. All my ‘catch phrases’ have never been uttered in Equestria before. [Great, so now we’ve got a stand-up comedian. Do me a favor and save the jokes for the night club in Ponyville. I’d prefer to be drunk when you’re telling them.] I sighed and flew down towards the patch of snow. My intent was to land on it and flap my wings, using the large gust of wind to sweep the snow away. What actually happened was a high speed collision with a large snowbank. There was an explosion of powdery snow as I tumbled back into the air, then hit the ground. Looking behind me revealed a shimmering pink shield holding up a layer of snow. When I got to my hooves, I found some broken railroad tracks beneath them. Sure enough, a large mine shaft was in front of me. “Well done, Don.” Luna landed inside the force field, knocking most of the rest of the snow off of it. “I believe we’ve found Cadance.” Inside the mine I spotted a pony with a lantern, who quickly darted off when he realized he had been discovered. “I hope Cadance is in a good mood. It looks like we just alerted her guards to our presence.” I moaned as I felt a headache coming on. Great, this is just what we need. [What’s wrong?] That headache, how can you not feel it? I collapsed to my haunches and grabbed my head. My ears were ringing and I wished I could just go to sleep until it passed. “Don?” Luna asked. Her magic swept over Dash’s body. “I just need a nap.” When I woke up we were back at the hotel in the Crystal Empire. I was much warmer and felt much better now. The next thing I realized was that Dash was in control and I breathed a sigh of relief. At least I would have breathed if I had any control over her body. It was actually comforting to relax and let her deal with the stress of all the chaos going on. Hey, Dude, you okay? [Yeah, Dash. I don’t know what came over me. I was so sleepy and I had a headache.] You had me really worried. Luna used her magic and she said you were just unconscious, but I thought we agreed you wouldn’t scare me anymore! [Sorry about that, next time I pass out I’ll ask for permission. And thanks for being concerned.] “Hey, Luna, Don’s fine. Back to his old self,” Dash said. “Excellent.” Luna walked over and placed a hoof on Dash’s head. [Hoof! Applied directly to the forehead! Swat that away for me, will ya? It still kinda hurts.] “Is this the human I’ve heard so much about?” Cadance asked. I watched as Dash looked at her. She appeared younger and much more lively than the other alicorns I had seen. Her many shades of pink fur and gentle smile gave her a completely different aura around her. Where Celestia and Luna ruled with an air of divinity, she seemed to radiate compassion and understanding. “Nah, it’s me. Don just woke up,” Dash explained. [Hey, what’d I miss? So you found the missing ponies?] All of them except Shining. Cadance says he took the crystal heart as bait, so Discord chased him instead of the town’s ponies. [Shit, that doesn’t sound good. How did Twilight take the news?] Not well. The third floor of the hotel has a balcony now. [Yikes, that doesn’t sound like her. Can we go check on her?] As soon as Celestia is done calming her down, sure. It’s not like Discord to kill anypony—at least it wasn’t until recently. I’m sure Shining is okay. [Yeah, he. . .] I tried recalling who he was with no luck. Normally it seemed easier to recall Dash’s memories than my own. My thoughts were interrupted as Dash joined in the conversation taking place. “He won’t let us down. Shining has a sixth sense for danger and his protective magic would have kept him safe,” Cadance explained. “I’m sure it would. I’m just saying I’d feel better if we stayed here to make sure Discord doesn’t attack again,” Luna said. “Yeah, what better weapon than the Elements is there to have on your side?” Dash added. “You have an entire nation to protect—let me watch over the Crystal Empire. I can power the same wards we used against Sombra for a day or two without the crystal heart. That much has been proven.” Celestia walked in, followed by Twilight. “That won’t be necessary.” [Wow, that was quick.] “Sister?” Luna asked. “The Elements of Harmony are being sent back to Ponyville, until we have a lead on Discord. I will stay here with Cadance, to search for Shining, the heart, and Discord. You will watch over Canterlot and Ponyville,” Celestia explained. “Is it wise to split us up?” Luna glanced over to Twilight. “She may not be able to handle him on his own. He wasn’t taking her seriously last time.” “I can’t be selfish in this.” Twilight looked over at Dash, then back to Luna. “Shining is my brother, but I have a responsibility to Ponyville, and my friends. Celestia agreed to help Cadance find him, so that we can focus on tracking down Discord. I will succeed in imprisoning him again.” “I never doubted you, Twilight.” Cadance walked over to her and drapped a wing over her. Twilight seemed to cheer up considerably. “Everypony should get some sleep. A train will leave in the morning to Ponyville.” Celestia nodded and left the room, followed by Luna and Cadance. Twilight went to the nearest bed and slumped down on it. [You should go comfort her.] Dash went over to Twilight. “Hey, Shining will be fine.” “Thanks.” Twilight yawned and levitated her tiara to the nightstand. “I mean it. Did you see how much air he got when he chucked Cadance at Sombra? I’m sure he could snap Discord in half.” “Heh, I guess so.” “Dashie!” Pinkie ran into the room and tackled her in a hug. I was grateful to be spectating as it was much easier to drown her out when she started talking a hundred words per second. “Easy there, Pinkie, we’re fine,” Dash explained. “I was so worried when I heard Don passed out! He hasn’t really tasted one of my cupcakes yet. I mean, he’s tasted one you ate. But I really want to bake cupcakes for him after we fix everything and throw him a whole new party. Promise you will take better care of him, Dash!” “Whoa.” Dash put her hooves up in surrender. “I promise, though he sorta does his own thing.” “Okay, and you be more careful, mister!” Pinkie pointed at Dash’s eye. I chuckled, knowing she meant me. The other ponies began to file into the room and get ready for bed. This ranged from Applejack taking her stetson off to Pinkie putting on fuzzy green pajamas. I was surprised that before Dash could get in her bed, Rarity came over. “Dash,” Rarity said. “What’s up?” “I owe you two an apology. I was rather short when we first met, and I keep on thinking I’ve lost you, Dash. I realized that, well. . . you’re both my friends.” Rarity leaned in and hugged Dash. “And as long as my late night activities at the Boutique remain secret, so will your sexy maid outfit.” [Ahahaha! She drives a hard bargain, huh, Dash? Personally, I think that sexy maid outfit was awesome!] Ugh, don’t encourage her. “Thanks, Rarity.” Dash turned around to get in her bed and found Fluttershy tossing a pillow onto it. “Oh, hi, Dash. There weren’t enough beds, I hope you don’t mind.” [Of course not! She’s so cute when she is nervous.] “What about that one?” Dash pointed across the room next to Pinkie. [You monster! Let her cuddle with us!] “It was really, um. . . itchy.” Fluttershy blushed and looked at the floor. “If you don’t want me to. . .” “Nah, of course it’s fine. I just don’t want it to make you feel weird.” “Oh, I’m fine with it if you are,” Fluttershy explained. [What are you two going on about?] None of your business if you want me to agree to cuddle. [Easy there, fair enough. I won’t go digging around your memories to find out why that perfectly-toned yellow flank makes you blush.] Dash stared at Fluttershy’s flank, obeying the thought I’d planted in her head. She then began to blush, something akin to desire filling her mind before she cut it off. The two of them definitely had some history, yet unlike Dash’s surface thoughts whatever had made the two so close was a guarded memory. Damn it, Dude! Stop with the hijinx. Can’t we just go, like, two days without you making me have hot flashes around Fluttershy? [I guess that depends on whether or not you scratch that itch next time we’re in the shower.] Unbelievable. You’re unbelievable! “Don,” Fluttershy said. Dash looked up at her. “I know you can hear me and I just wanted to say thank you.” “Huh, what’d he do now?” Dash asked. She climbed up onto the bed and got ready to go to sleep by patting down her pillow. “Oh, well I kept thinking of him like one of my animals, because I’m so comfortable around them. Then I realized he isn’t a sick animal, but his own pony—or human. I just wanted him to know that all of the girls have agreed: he’s our friend.” [Aww, I’ve always been your friend, but this seals the deal. Fluttershy is the best pony.] Pfft, aside from me, maybe. [Hey, ask Twilight if she can put me in Fluttershy’s head—] Oh no, you don’t! [What? My intentions are innocent! Imagine how much softer her fur must feel from inside her head.] No way. You’re some special kind of twisted, and lucky for you I have a great sense of humor. You’d probably wind up taking a four hour bath in her body. [If I did, it’d only be because she had been naug—] Dash took off her Element of Loyalty and set it on the nightstand so that she could sleep comfortably. When she removed it from her neck, I began to feel pressure, almost like the headache from earlier. Thanks for not finishing that thought. [Dash—it’s back!] She gasped as I began to direct the feelings of pain and distress at her. The lights seemed too bright, and the buzzing in her ears sounded like thousands of bees. Pins seemed to prick her skin, and there was a cold, hollow feeling around her neck. [The—Element.] Dash reached for the necklace, her hoof shaking as if she had way too much caffeine. It fell to the floor and I could do nothing but watch as she fumbled around for it. Finally it floated up and clicked around her neck. A wave of warmth passed through her as everything seemed to fall back into its proper place, giving order to the chaos. “Dash, are you okay?” Twilight asked. When she looked around, Dash saw all five mares staring at her. “Uh, yeah I think so now.” Twilight was still standing there with her horn glowing, and I could feel her probing into Dash’s mind. “Hmm, I think it’s best if you don’t attempt to remove the necklace again. I believe whatever Discord did to you, the Element of Loyalty is the only thing preventing it from finishing what he started.” “Yay, more great news. . .” Dash rolled her eyes and sighed. “Are ya alright, sugarcube?” Applejack asked. [Maybe all six of us could cuddle up in a corner. If I’m gonna die, I want to die happy.] “Yeah, just feeling a little worn out. I’m not sure how much longer the two of us can keep this up. He’s been real cooperative and all, I just hate magic. Give me something I can understand, like wind currents, but not all this egghead stuff I have no power over,” Dash stated. “Dash, I promised you I wouldn’t let anything happen to you. When we get back to Ponyville, I’ll get right back on research to fix this,” Twilight said. [Yep. We’ll go hang out in Ponyville, while Discord is off biding his time until we die, and there’s nothing we can do about it. Sounds like the perfect plan!] “What’s to stop Discord from just sitting back until I die?” Dash asked. “He knows me, my potential. I will find a way to reverse his magic and it’s only a matter of time. Do you think Discord will sit idly by while I counter his spells, and then invent wards to prevent him ever using that magic again?” Twilight asked. [I guess she has a point.] Dash shook her head. “So it’s settled. You and Don just need to take it easy until I fix everything.” Twilight smiled and nodded to the others in the room. Everypony began getting back in bed. [I don’t know about you, but I could go for a back rub.] “I’m not asking Fluttershy for a back rub!” Dash said. [Haha! You said that out loud. I win!] “Oh, if you’d like one, I’d be glad to,” Fluttershy offered. Damn you. . . but it would feel really nice. You’re a really sloppy flier. You feel that? Dash lifted a wing and I felt several sore, knotted muscles. [Ouch, did I do that?] Yeah. You may have my memories on how to fly but you still have poor form. [Well, sorry, Miss Wonderbolt! If I ever get a pair of wings you can teach me to fly properly.] If you ever get a pair of wings I’ll have to institute a no-flying zone so you don’t hurt anypony. [Oh come on, I’m not that bad. Aside from the trebuchet, a couple crash landings, oh, and who can forget having that handsome stallion Soarin save us from falling to our death?] Handsome? [Ugh, you know what I mean. Let’s not open that can of worms. If I’m lucky, I’ll get out of this without fantasizing about horse cock for the rest of my life.] Hey, no need to be vulgar. Most ponies wouldn’t want to hang out with you if you talk like that. [Well, good thing I’m in your head. You seem just as messed up as me.] Dash rolled her eyes. “Yes, I’d love a back rub, if only to make Don quiet down for a bit.” “Oh dear, is he giving you a hard time?” Fluttershy asked. [No!] “Yes, but it’s really nothing. Just his usual antics when he gets bored, or lonely, or happy. . . In fact he’s always like this. It was pretty funny for a while, but it’s getting old.” Fluttershy lifted Dash’s chin and looked in her eyes. “You listen here, Mister” [Wait, she’s talking to me?] “There will be no more back rubs or cuddling if you don’t play nice with Dashie, capish?” Fluttershy stared into our eyes. [I can see why you like her. I surrender. I’ll play nice and try not to torture you relentlessly.] “Oh, no trying. It’s all or nothing if you want that back rub,” Dash said out loud. “It is perfectly normal to start to get irritated when you spend too much time around someone,” Fluttershy added. “You two have been stuck so close together for days. I think between the back rub and a little truce I can have you both feeling better.” [Okay, I get it. You scrub your hair too long and the skin starts to get sore.] “He agrees,” Dash said. “Now, how about that back rub. He pulled my abductor muscles.” Fluttershy cracked the joints in her forelegs. “Don’t you worry one bit. When I’m through, your muscles will feel like rubber.” [Uh oh, is this going to be one of those massages where they stand on your back?] As if to answer my question, Fluttershy gently pulled one of Dash’s wings open, then caused a few of the joints to pop softly and re-aligned them slightly. I felt Dash biting her lip from the pain, but when Fluttershy let go, the wing felt much better. Yep, she’s a chiropractor. [That’s fine with me, as long as she doesn’t pretend to be a real doctor.] Another joint popped and her hooves began kneading at a muscle. I must have fallen asleep quickly, as I couldn’t remember the rest of the massage.