Blood Brandy's Snippet Storage Shed

by Blood Brandy

The Equestrian Royal Family

Celestia stared at the rounded object before her. She had no idea what went wro-

Oh, right, another year, another anniversary, another year without her beloved sister, and another night of heavy drinking to 'celebrate'. She'd come to the next day in the middle of a burned up clearing in a forest in who-knows-where, having at some point, transmogrified herself into a dragon, something she hadn't done in centuries.

In hind-sight, she should have noticed something over the last several months, odd cravings (Some of which needed her dragon form to add some moonstones), putting on a bit of a heavy belly, some mood swings, heightened sex drive (Several of her guard had started avoiding her by now), and then, several hours ago, as she settled down for the night, the soundproofing on her room bit her right in the flank when contractions started...

Immortal Alicorn or not, a pony was not meant to lay a bucking egg (Of course, there were odd rumors about Pegasus Ponies), and she couldn't muster the concentration to cast the spell for her dragon form...

So...bucking...painful...

And now...she had an egg...

Okay, she had an egg...

Her egg...

Her baby...

First priority, she needed to get a doctor, scratch that, a team of doctors and scholars, swear them to royal "Tell anyone and end up living alone, forever on a celestial body" secrecy, and make sure her egg was in good health...

As soon as I can move my legs again, she thought as she curled up on her bed, barely casting a cleaning spell in her weakened state, draped a wing over her egg and drifted to sleep...

Rarity looked on, her eyes twinkling, as a prince, the prince of her dreams, trotted down the stairs. He looked in her direction, a smile blossoming on his face. He began a swift, but elegant walk in her direction, he was getting close-

Oh, be still her beating heart, lest it rip free of her chest as he...

Walked right past her...

Frozen for a moment, the fasionista quickly turned to see her prince approaching...Spike? Moving quickly and quietly, Rarity managed to be close enough to juts happen to overhear their conversation (A lady does not eavesdrop).

"So I see you pulled your dick out of your stable long enough to join the party, Blueblood," Rarity's eyes shot wide open, had she not heard it herself, she'd have never believed her little Spikey-Wikey knew such brash and brutish language.

"And I see you've managed to separate yourself from that shut-in long enough to attend the Gala, Cousin," The mare's eyes shot wide, bot at the insult to her friend, and the prince referring to Spike as family.

"Nah, she's here, probably looking for Mom. Where's Cadance, by the way?"

"Oh, I think I saw her pull that boy-toy of hers into a closet, so she probably won't be attending this evening."

"Oh, don't tell me you're still mad she got to Shining Armor before you could."

Rarity heard the prince sigh, "Alas, he sexuality apparently isn't as flexible as his body, he won't even let me join him and Cadance."

Spike groaned, "Blueblood, you've got, what, a hundred stallions and mares in that little mansion of yours? Just let it go."

"Ninety-Eight, the twins left a year and a half ago to start a spa, but I suppose you're right. Besides, given a little scare they've had recently, there may be wedding bells for them before too long."

"And where's Luna? I was hoping to see her."

"I'm afraid it may be best to wait on that, cousin. Outside of official duties, Luna does not leave her tower."

"What? Why?"

"Well, she is a lot like Aunt Celestia, and she was up on the moon for a thousand years...Alone..."

"Oh...Oh!....Ooooooh," Spike's eyes widened in realization, "But, she's been back for months."

Blueblood nodded, "Yes, and in those months, she's put half her personal guard, dozens of servants, Cadance and myself in the infirmary with severe exhaustion and dehydration," For a moment, the prince adopted a far off look that screamed 'Worth It' before coming back to reality, "She's getting better, but it may be best to wait for another day to meet her. Besides, you may yet see her soon, she recently remembered she can enter the dreams of others, and there have been a lot of rumors of adults suddenly having a resurgence of wet dreams..."

She couldn't believe it...

She could NOT believe it...

Spike was an alright little guy, she'd admit, but...

How was he hanging out with the Captain of the Wonderbolts? And they were laughing like it was just another day hanging with their buds and...

No way...

Did Spitfire just blush at Spike?!

Forget blushing, Dash's idol looked like a school filly talking to the hottest stallion in school.

Okay, she had to look away, she was afraid if she kept watching her brain would explode or something.

Rainbow Dash tore herself away from the sight, about to walk away, when she saw somepony else, it was Soarin'! The lieutenant of the Wonderbolts was trotting right towards her and-

"Hey, Spike, you've got to try this pie!" The Pegasus stallion called as he marched right past Dash.

Rainbow Dash simply stood there. In fact, she stood there the entire night, her brain trying, and failing, to handle the new information. She stood so still, in fact, that for the rest of the night, many guests thought she was an odd decoration...

She couldn't believe it, this had to be some sort of coincidence. He was a perfect little gentlecolt, yes, but not only was this a party for the highest of high society, he should be in Ponyville as far as she knew...

Yes, that was it, this had to be a case of mistaken identity. Rarity turned to her hosts, "I beg your pardon, Fancy, Fleur, but who is that fellow there in the white tuxedo?"

"White Tuxedo..." Fancypants trailed off as if remembering something, but it was Fleur de Lis that broke her perfect decorum with a loud gasp.

"Spike!" The mare dashed across the room, scooping Spike up into a hug, causing him to drop a glass of what Rarity hoped was grape juice.

"By jove, it is Spike," Fancy smiled, adjusting his monocle before addressing Rarity in a low voice, "A bit of advice, Rarity, make as good of a first impression as you can, a friendship with young Spike will open more doors than you would ever know. Why, I wouldn't be where I am today without Spike Dragul Solaris." With a wide smile, the stallion trotted off.

Rarity watched, an odd twitch in her eye, as the elite of Canterlot gathered around her little Spikey-Wikey like he was the second coming of Celestia, Stallions joking, Mares swooning, and Rarity seriously wishing she'd packed her fainting couch.

"Now run along and play, Spike."

"Okay, thanks mom." Spike called back as he scurried off.

"Ooh, Celestia, you have to tell me your secret," A silver dragoness cooed from the other side of the lava pool, "I wish my boy was half as well behaved as your little Spike."

"Oh, I have my ways, but Spike does still tend to get into trouble from time to time," the transformed Celestia sighed as she lowered herself into the molten rock. The hot springs back home were great, but there was just something about feeling the dirt and grime of the day burning off of dragon scales that was just sooo relaxing. "He had his greed growth this past year, he ended up doing a fair amount of damage before he got himself under control."

"Ooh, his first growth," A stout, red scaled dragoness giggled, "Oh, it seems like just yesterday you showed up at the migration as a new mother, and now, oh, they grow up so fast."

"Oh, I know it," the alicorn-turned-dragon sighed, seeing her son swimming with other young dragons, "I'm afraid I haven't been able to spend much time with him as of late, and it seems he grows so much every time I turn my back."

"Ain't that always the way," One of the older dragonesses said, "One minute, they can barely nibble some mica, and the next they're flying out of the nest."

Stretching her long neck, something she still had trouble adjusting to, something caught Celestia's eyes, "I was...unaware Krickle had another youngling."

"Ugh, you've got to be kidding," The red dragoness groaned, "I pity the poor girl who mated that old coot. Must have had a few too many."

Celestia's eyes narrowed, but not at the comment. While Krickle was far from attractive for any species, both physically and personality wise, and his son seemed to be on the same path, it was something different about this new arrival that caught her attention.

It had hooves, two different colored sets...

"Please excuse me for a moment, girls..."

Okay, things were bad, really bad. His cousin was weak from imprisonment, his mother was in a Changeling snot-balloon, his aunt was probably still asleep in her sound-proofed chambers, the girls were captured trying to get the Elements, and Shining looked like his brain had gone bye-bye.

Things weren't hopeless, oh no, Spike still had an ace up his sleeve, but it was an ace he was very reluctant to use. Not because it wouldn't work, oh no, it would work, and those bugs would be sorry they even LOOKED at Canterlot...

But, really, Blueblood wouldn't let him live this down for years. Dash probably wouldn't either if Spike weren't sure she'd almost wet herself out of fear from what Spike was about to do.

Standing among the wedding guests, Spike looked at the nearest Changeling Guard, and said the first thing he thought of, "So...how's your sex life?"

Yeah, it was awkward for Spike, but the point was to make it so for the guard too.

Little lesson on Changelings. Normally, your average changeling is as intelligent as your average pony, some are smart, some are dumb as a certain pair of unicorn colts.

However, during war or when war is on the horizon, a change is made to the larva in the changeling hatchery as they develop into drones. Instead of normal changelings, they end up as a sort of "soldier drone", a drone with little to no free will, and not much of a thought process, all forgone for a stronger connection to the subconscious hive mind connection to the queen and quicker development to maturity. This could work out to be an advantage, both in battle, where the soldier wouldn't think once, let alone twice, about dying for the good of the swarm, but in espionage too, as it allowed them to better imprint the persona of the pony they were copying, not having any personality of their own to interfere.

Sometimes, in the event of a large enough war, the queen would hoof-pick a select few larva to be a higher class of soldier, a sort of commander, let's call them Cerebrates, who would lead divisions of soldiers and take mental stress off of the queen.

However, the force needed to take Canterlot was, actually, relatively small, meaning no Cerebrate was needed, so the Changeling Spike spoke to, let's call him Chuck, answered with an always intelligent growl that bordered on a "Huh?"

But, it didn't really matter what Chuck said, Spike just needed it to open it's mouth. Jumping and slipping his arm between it's fangs, he brought his knee up and slammed the jaw shut enough for the fangs to punch into his hide, then screamed as loud as he could.

"OOOOWWWW, MOMMY!"

Chrysalis looked over to see what the ruckus was. The baby dragon, what was it...Spook? Spock? Whoever he was, one of her soldiers apparently bit him. Why was a little dragon here anyway? She'd wanted to ask, but couldn't since Cadance would probably already know. Any question she was going to ask was cut off by a rather large explosion directly behind the Changeling Queen.

Another little lesson about Changelings, they have a type of empathy. In much the way a normal pony's sense of smell would lead them to food or the like, and recognize what said food was, this empathy lead the changelings to food or away from danger, and was especially useful to the Queen, who had access to a sort of genetic memory from past queens.

So when a certain feeling came across her empathic senses, it triggered big warning signs. It was a strange mixture of love, devotion and blind rage with a slight dash of fear, it was the feeling of a mother ready to fight to protect her child (Something a past queen had learned was not to be underestimated when an earth pony mother had killed her,. Certain lessons tend to stick when you have the memory of your head being bucked in).

Chrysalis' mind did the math...a small dragon cried for it's mother, and now she felt like death was just over her shoulder.

...Okay, she can do this, she beat Celestia, she can beat an angry dragoness...

Then she felt something else...There was more than one being behind her...more than two, even, Are dragons polygamous?...

...Buck me...

She didn't want to look...

She didn't want to look....

She didn't want to look.....

She didn't want to look......

...Buck, she looked, and only her many years as a composed queen kept her from messing the floors...

Luna looked like she had just jumped from bed, red eyed and angry, the stars in her mane glowing an ominous red.

Cadance looked nothing like a pony who had been half starved and imprisoned in a cave for weeks. In fact, she looked nothing like the "Princess of Love" she was supposed to be, or the broken prisoner Chrysalis had been hoping to drag out of the caverns, but more like a hardened prisoner ready to shank a bitch.

Blueblood...Was that Blueblood? He looked nothing like the hedonistic, pampered little whiner she'd known and loathed. And where did he get the armor? Or the big honkin' sword? He looked like he should be out slaying demons to a heavy metal track.

But Celestia, oh, she looked pissed...supremely pissed...like glowing eyed, "I am about to sodomize you with an astral body" pissed as her mere magical presence burned off any remaining mucus.

"What. Did. You. Do. To. My. Baby. BOY!?"

Oh Buck me sideways.

She may have taken on Celestia before, but this, oh no, Chrysalis was ambitious, not stupid.

"I sur-" was a close as Chrysalis got to raising the white flag before a pink hoof knocked her across the room and into a wall.

"You seal me in caves, ruin MY wedding, try to take MY husband, and now you dare, YOU DARE to hurt my little cousin!" Cadance almost reached RCV levels of volume.

"Hold, Cadance," Celestia halted her niece.

Oh, thank what ever powers watching over me for the mercy of-

"After all, he is your cousin, but Spike is my son," Celestia growled as she approached the changeling...

Buck you, Powers that Be, buck you right in the balls...

What happened in the following fifteen minutes would never be written of, out of sheer horror. Hell, the things Luna had done with the Royal Canterlot Voice alone would haunt the nightmares of the obervers for the rest of their lives.

When the Royal Family was finished, the non-changeling guests were rooted to where they stood, save for the many who had passed out. The changelings had become new displays of modern art upon the chapel walls (making some interesting shades of green), except Chuck, who seemed to cease to exist in a flare of brightly colored light. The Royal Family was gathered around their youngest member, coddling the young dragon who kept insisting he was fine.

The Changeling Queen sat, quivering in pain, her voice having given out within the first few minutes, her legs broken, her carapace covered in cracks, oozing green blood, her horn, well, it had already been twisted, so the royal sisters had taken their time in bending, breaking and reforming it into a straight horn like their own, a process that was excruciatingly painful.

Chrysalis twitched as a shadow was cast over her, Celestia glaring down at her, "Oh, don't worry, you won't be dying today, I have better ideas for you."

Across the hall, the Elements of Harmony looked at the aftermath in horrified silence.

Spike sat at the breakfast table, sipping a coffee with a little something to help with the hangover. Twilight's Coronation had been a stiff, pomp and all together boring affair, but the after-parties BlueBlood had dragged the dragon to weren't, which lead to Spike's first night-long drinking binge, in which he surprisingly outlasted his hedonistic cousin, who passed out while doing shots against Spike, Hoity Toity, Pony Joe and Fancy Pants, all of whom were defeated by the power of the dragon before he blacked out, waking up the next morn-er, noon...-ish, in bed with a certain Wonderbolt Captian.

Speaking of firsts, the dragon thought as the door opened, allowing in the new princess herself, looking far more red than lavender.

Twilight, who somehow managed to look nervous, embarrassed and serenely relaxed all at once, kept her attention on the ground, not able to meet anypony's eyes as she took a place at the table.

After a time of silence, and finishing his 80 proof coffee, Spike finally braved his headache to speak, "Did you have fun 'celebrating' with Mom?"