The Homesteading

by bookplayer


Chapter 4

Over the next few days, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Big Mac went back to the house to pack things up. By the end of the week, the house sat empty; day-to-day items had been moved to the Ponyville library, where the little family was living, and the larger things and books were safe in a different barn on the farm.

Twilight, for her part, mostly sat in the library, reading books she’d read before. Something about her glorious failure at the life she’d been working for made stifling conformity to what she already had seem like the only option. But even there she felt like a failure; while it was impossible for Twilight to not keep the shelves in order, and she was careful to clean up after herself, she just couldn’t bring herself to do much more for the old oak tree she used to call home. She was still there for Applejack and Spike, and for her friends, but it was obvious the cloud of defeat around her was making that less than effective.

They tried to snap her out of it. Fluttershy and Pinkie decorated the treehouse for Hearth’s Warming, and while the third attempt wasn’t as impressive as the previous two, it looked cheerful and festive. Rarity took Twilight to the spa, and Rainbow invited her to come flying on days when the pegasi had scheduled a snow. Twilight did her best to enjoy it all, but a spark seemed to go out of her.

The only thing that Twilight did of her own accord, besides reading, was walk to Sweet Apple Acres and stare at her house. She never went near it, she remembered her promise to Applejack and the rest of that night all too well. She just wanted to see it, to think about what life had been like a few short weeks ago when she was moving in and full of hope and expectations.

With fresh snowfalls, the yard looked clean and untouched. The foals had been warned away from the place and wisely decided to listen for now. The house had the look of a Hearth’s Warming card, with snow on the roof and icicles hanging. All that was missing was a wreath on the door and a cheerful light from inside inviting ponies to the warmth of a fire. Twilight would have done that; she would have kept the fire burning and opened the doors to friends and family.

She couldn’t. She just drooped her ears and hung her head, turning away just like she had that night.

It was afternoon, so the sun was shining through the clouds as she walked down the road to Ponyville. Applejack joined her, on her way back to the library from her work on the farm.

“How ya’ feelin’, sugarcube?” Applejack asked gently. She knew why Twilight visited the farm, and while she didn’t think it was the best idea, she’d agreed that moping in some fresh air was a good change of pace from moping over books every once in a while.

“Okay…” Twilight answered.

“The girls are gonna be over tonight to hang out,” Applejack smiled hopefully.

Twilight did her best to return the smile. “That’ll be nice.”

Applejack sighed, then bit her lip. “Uh, say… did you notice there’s a house for sale, on the other side of town? It ain’t as big as the one here, but next summer we could build onto it. Wanna take a look tomorrow?”

Twilight thought about it. She did know the house, Rarity told her about it, but it was a lot smaller than their house. Her books wouldn’t fit in it. And it was even farther from AJ’s work and family than the library. And it didn’t have a fireplace, just a furnace in the basement. And she knew all of these things were excuses, but it didn’t change the fact that she didn’t want to look.

 “No. I really don’t.”

“Okay,” Applejack agreed. “Maybe we’ll talk ‘bout it after Hearth’s Warmin’.”

“Yeah,” Twilight said, looking at the snow-covered apple trees as they walked. They were both quiet for a few minutes.

Finally, near the edge of town, Applejack sighed again. “Twilight, sugar… I’m doin’ all I can. Just tell me what I can do to make this right.”

“I don’t know, AJ.” Twilight swallowed. “I wish I knew. I loved that house. It made me want to take care of it, I could see myself hosting Hearth’s Warming there, or raising foals, or writing books. And now, it’s all gone and I don’t even know why. It’s so frustrating.”

“I know just how ya’ feel.” Applejack said earnestly. “I thought it was perfect, and I’m right disappointed, too… Twilight?”

“Yeah?” Twilight looked over to AJ.

“What if we got rid of the spell? Like you wanted to that night, but, uh, sometime when we’re not quite as wound-up,” Applejack said, delicately.

“I thought of that.” Twilight glanced back towards the farm. “But, it’s not evil. In fact, it’s probably doing something good, like it has been for eighty years on Sweet Apple Acres. What if getting rid of it makes it harder for your family, somehow? If I just knew what it did, I could make a decision, but I can’t do that not knowing how it will affect somepony.”

“Okay, well… then let’s think on it again,” Applejack said with a small nod. “We’ll figure out what it does.”

“I have been. I need more information, AJ.” Twilight shook her head in frustration. “Just one little hint.”

Applejack trotted in front of Twilight, stopping her on the street in front of Sofas & Quills, and stood facing her. “Then we will find ya’ that hint, Twilight. After Hearth’s Warmin’, we’ll find it if we gotta look in every library in Equestria, or in the world. If anypony ever knew what that spell did, me and you can find it together. We gotta be two of the most stubborn ponies who ever lived, so I know we can do this.” She smiled. “Just don’t give up, sugarcube.”

Twilight felt a real, genuine smile force its way onto her face, and a little bit of weight lifted from her shoulders. “I won’t, AJ. I can’t. That’s the problem, I don’t know how to give up on this.”

“Then remember that I’m right there with ya’, every step.” Applejack leaned forward and nuzzled her.

“That is something I need to remember more often.” Twilight nuzzled back. “Now, let’s go home and see if the girls are there yet.”

The two walked the last block to the library, pressed together. Twilight felt stronger than she had since the last night at her house. She felt hope, faint and distant, but it was there and it made all the difference. She draped a wing over her wife and glanced over at her every other step.

Opening the door to their temporary home, Twilight saw the rest of her friends and Spike had made themselves comfortable. The ponies and dragon were sitting around the fire, laughing at something that somepony just said. But they all looked over when they heard the door.

“Hey, guys!” Rainbow called out, scooting over to make room in front of the fireplace.

“There you are, darlings.” Rarity smiled. “We saved you some cocoa,” she said, floating mugs to both Twilight and Applejack as they sat down.

“Thanks!” Twilight said, then took a sip of the delicious hot chocolate.

Pinkie gasped, “Twilight, you’re smiling! You look happy!”

Twilight blushed, thinking about how she’d been acting that it was such a surprise for her friends to see her smile. But she knew that they would understand.

“I am happy. AJ and I are going to work more on this spell after the holidays.” Twilight explained. “We’re not giving up on our house, even if it might take us a while to get it fixed.”

“Great! We’re gonna move back to the farm?” Spike asked.

“Not ‘til it’s safe,” Applejack said seriously, then she smiled at Twilight. “But we’re gonna get it there.”

“You know we’ll all help,” Rainbow offered.

“It’s going to be a lot of reading…” Twilight said with a smirk.

“Like I said, you know we’ll all keep you company!”

“Of course we’ll all help you in any way we can,” Rarity said, raising an eyebrow towards Rainbow.

“This is wonderful, Twilight.” Fluttershy smiled. “Where will we start? Maybe I can spend Hearth’s Warming getting caught up.”

“Well, there’s not much catching up to do,” Twilight said with a shrug. “It’s a spell called homesteading, and it’s a ritual earth ponies do for luck. But you can’t do a spell for ‘luck,’ and it obviously hasn’t been lucky for us, so what it’s actually doing must be something else. It’s something that has been good for ponies for a long time, so I’d hate to take it away from Sweet Apple Acres without knowing what it is, but if we find out we can decide what we want to do from there.”

“Homesteading? No wonder!” Pinkie scrunched her muzzle and stuck out her tongue. “That’s a silly thing for when ponies are being not friendly. Why would ponies want to do something ponies do who aren’t friends? No wonder it doesn’t like Twilight, since she’s super friendly!”

“Pinkie…” Twilight said slowly, setting down her cocoa.

Applejack stared at Pinkie, confused. “Pinkie, what’d your folks tell ya’ about homesteadin’?”

“Nothing. Why would they tell me about homesteading? Blech!” Pinkie made a face, then noticed Twilight's cocoa sitting unattended. She grabbed it and gulped it down.

Twilight didn’t care, she was focused on the new possibility. She knew better than to get her hopes up that Pinkie’s random opinions had some basis in fact, but she couldn’t help saying carefully, “Okay, Pinkie, tell me everything you know about it.”

“I already did, silly!” Pinkie said with a grin and a shrug.

“Then what makes you think it’s bad?” Twilight pressed, on the edge of her pillow.

“It’s in the Hearth’s Warming story. Duh.” Pinkie rolled her eyes.

“Wait, what?!” Twilight’s eyebrows shot up.

“It can’t be…” Applejack said. Then she put a hoof to her chin in consideration. “Or, well, I guess it could be. I mean, I ain’t read the thing in a while.”

“Yeah, I mean you see enough plays and you’ve kind of got the picture,” Spike agreed.

“I read it… last year.” Twilight insisted, then bit her lip. “Or two years ago? But— but— one of the books would have mentioned that!”

“Here!” Pinkie bounced over to a shelf and retrieved an old copy of A Foal’s Tale of Hearth’s Warming. She flipped it open and offered it to Twilight.

Twilight looked down at the page, just after the founders had moved to what would one day be Equestria, and discovered the other tribes were there as well. Scanning the page, she found the word and read the section around it out loud:

There was no peace in the new land; the pegasi readied their spears, the unicorns cast shields, and the earth ponies homesteaded the ground, all suspiciously watching their neighbors. But these things did nothing to keep out the howling winds.” 

It was Fluttershy who spoke up first. “...So homesteading was important when there was no peace? When ponies were angry at each other?”

“No,” Twilight shook her head. “When they were worried. Casting shields and readying spears are defensive. They were all expecting trouble, and the important thing that earth ponies did was homestead the land.” She frowned. “... but it didn’t work against windigos. They would have known that it wouldn’t keep out the cold, none of what the tribes were doing worked against the windigos… it worked against other ponies! AJ, that’s it!” Twilight’s face lit up. “Let’s say you’re an earth pony.”

Applejack raised an eyebrow. “We can say that.”

“I mean, an earth pony living before the founding of Equestria,” Twilight added, rolling her eyes. “You’ve got a good piece of land, but you’re facing unicorns with spells, and pegasi who can fly and attack from out of reach. Even if they don’t want to farm it, they might have reasons for taking it. But if you’ve got a spell that makes that land start attacking anypony who doesn’t belong there, pegasi and unicorns will know better than to try and claim it for themselves.”

Applejack nodded, then grinned. “Wait a minute! You never looked in no books about warfare, did ya’?”

Twilight shook her head. “It wasn’t really the first thing that sprang to mind when I thought of spells that might be on an 80-year-old barn, so no.”

“Here! Check this one!” Applejack hopped up and ran across the library. She pulled out a book and tossed it to Twilight, who caught it in her magic. “I useta look at it when I was a foal. It had a buncha stuff on defense that I skipped.”

Twilight smirked and raised an eyebrow at Applejack as she opened the book.

Applejack chuckled. “It was more fun readin’ 'bout the battles. Ain’t my fault that twenty years later it turns out I shoulda read the borin’ parts too.”

Rainbow Dash stuck her head over Twilight’s shoulder. “There’re battles in that book? Can I see it?”

“I’m reading it!” Twilight said as she scanned the index.

“Come on, I thought you wanted us to help with the reading…”

“Will you be— here it is!” Twilight grinned as she came to homesteading in the index. She quickly turned to the page. “In addition to fortifications, earth ponies used a magical practice called homesteading to defend outlying properties such as mills and farms. If another pony tried to claim the land as their own, without a proper transference of the rights to the land, the magic in the land itself would defend the rightful claim. After the founding of Equestria, homesteading remained a superstitious ritual in agricultural areas, though few who practice it understand its true value.” Twilight gave a snort and muttered, “Few? That’s an understatement.”

Twilight shook her head clear. “This is it, AJ. I’ve been calling it mine, but the spell doesn’t think that I own the house.”

“But… you’re my wife.” Applejack looked confused. “I mean, this never happened to my Ma, or Granpa Russett. That spell oughta know that my house is your house.”

“Is it because Twilight is a princess?” Spike suggested.

“I guess it could be,” Twilight admitted, frowning. “But, that doesn’t really make sense. The description doesn’t say that other ponies can’t own the land, just that they need a proper transference of the rights.”

“Shouldn’t the weddin’ be enough for that?” Applejack looked to Twilight. “‘What’s mine is yours, and what’s yours is mine.’ It’s right there in the weddin’ vows.”

“AJ…” Twilight blinked, then her eyebrows furrowed. “That’s not in a unicorn ceremony. Historically it would have caused all sorts of problems with titles and estates.”

Rarity arched an eyebrow. “Twilight, darling, you are saying that the ceremony you were married with was designed to distinguish that parties don’t properly own one another’s estates?”

“Well… yes. Yes it was.” Twilight gave a laugh, which dissolved into full scale laughter. She wasn’t sure she could stop. It was so simple. She’d spent so much time, and worried so much, all for the overlooked detail of a few missing words.

Applejack started to chuckle as well. “So Granny Smith was right, is what you’re tellin’ me. We shoulda had an earth pony ceremony. She’s gonna crow like a rooster when she hears this one!”

Eventually Twilight managed to calm herself to a grin. “I’ll be happy to hear it, when she comes to our house for Hearth’s Warming!” Twilight shook her head. “Right now, we just have to find somepony to marry us. Again.”

“I’ll go get the mayor!” Rainbow Dash offered, flying towards the door.

“Meet us at the house,” Twilight called after her, just before the door closed behind her. Twilight looked to the others and explained, “I’ll be able to check right away, to see if it worked.”

“Is that safe?” Fluttershy asked.

Twilight trotted to the pegs by the door and put on her scarf. “We’ll do it in the yard. And I’ll be really careful when I check, if there’s still magic I’ll leave right away.”

Applejack joined Twilight, putting on her boots. She nuzzled Twilight and asked, “Twilight, you don’t mind this, do ya’? You know I never minded that we had a unicorn ceremony, and I ain’t happy this homesteadin’ thing is sayin’ that we ain’t as married, somehow.”

“It’s not saying that, and I don’t mind at all.” Twilight smiled at her wife. “AJ, our wedding was beautiful, and I don’t think anypony questions that we were married in our hearts, even Granny Smith. But, I think what Granny Smith was bothered by is that there’s a side of you I didn’t give myself to: your heritage. That would have been fine if we wanted to live in Canterlot, we would have been happily and totally married.

“But when we built that house, I knew I wanted to be a part of your heritage, I wanted to be part of your family, and your roots. I want my own roots there, I want to take care of my house the way you want to take care of all of Sweet Apple Acres. That’s what this ceremony is, to me. I promised to love and honor you, and now I get to promise to love and honor the place that’s a part of you and make it my home the way that you’re my wife.”

Applejack didn’t say a word. She just looked into Twilight’s eyes, then kissed her deeply.

“This is beautiful.” Rarity said, sniffling. Her magic floated a handkerchief to her eyes. “I adore weddings.”

“Then let's go have one!” Pinkie shouted, hopping over to where her scarf was hanging. “Come on!”

The five friends trotted to Sweet Apple Acres, the second trip of the day for Twilight and Applejack. But where Twilight’s last trip to the house had been a plodding walk fueled by longing and regret, this one seemed to fly by on the wings of hope. She even took to the air at a few points, her excitement being too much for even her bouncing jog and the grin on her face to contain.

When she came to the house, she was struck once again by the beauty and peace of the scene. But this time it made her smile. If all went well here, if she was right, then by tomorrow she would be adding the touches this scene needed. The light in the windows, the wreath on the door, the curling smoke coming out of the chimney; the house needed those things and she wanted to offer them with all her heart.

They weren’t waiting at the house for long when Rainbow Dash came flying up the road, followed by Mayor Mare. The mayor didn’t seem to be particularly happy to be asked to officiate a wedding on a snowy evening with less than half an hour's notice, but Twilight and Applejack were each owed copious amounts of goodwill by the town, which had been enough to pull her from her warm house and hot tea. Everypony present agreed that there was no need for poetry or lengthy speeches, just the traditional parts of the earth pony ceremony that the mayor was used to performing for ponies in the traditionally earth pony town.

The mayor began the ceremony, and Twilight barely listened. The details of the vows weren’t important to her; They hadn’t been important during the first ceremony. What was important during that first ceremony was that she had found a true partner for her life — a pony she could rely on for anything, whose word was golden, and whose heart went into everything she would do in life as much as Twilight’s did — and she wanted to bind that with a promise of all the same things. Looking into Applejack’s eyes as Applejack made the same promise again, in different words, Twilight couldn’t believe how lucky she was.

But what was important during this ceremony was that she found the place she wanted to be with Applejack, a house that was special enough to deserve her dedication. It was a part of Applejack, a part of her history and life, and Twilight wanted that to be part of both of their lives and both of their futures. So as she repeated the promises that Applejack made, her heart begged the homesteading spell to accept them as well.

As the ceremony ended, Twilight kissed her wife on cue. She kissed her wife every day, it wasn’t magic; that’s what was so special about it. Magic and power were things she’d struggled with and conquered since she was a filly. Kissing Applejack was the other side of herself. It was like the last check mark on a to-do list, or the end of a nice long study session, or the feeling of coming inside after chopping wood. It was the simple pleasure of being a pony in love with a pony who loved her back and knowing that was real. Maybe other ponies dreamed of being a princess in a castle, but Twilight dreamed of this kiss in front of a fire, inside her warm home full of books and history and work and life.

“Did it work?” Spike asked, as soon as Twilight and Applejack parted.

Twilight looked over at the house. Her horn lit up, as she made a quick scan of magic. “I… I think it did. I should check the roof beam.”

“Let’s go,” Applejack said. “Y’all stay here, I don’t want nopony gettin’ hurt.”

“Be careful. We don’t want you getting hurt,” Fluttershy pointed out.

“We’ll be okay.” Twilight smiled at her friends. “At least, we will now that I know better than to go to war against buildings I’m standing in.”

Applejack chuckled and shook her head, and the two of them headed towards their house, forging a path through the fresh snow.

Applejack opened the door and stepped inside first, Twilight right behind her. Twilight smiled as she noticed that she didn’t feel the dread she’d felt last time she was here. The place didn’t feel like home, not yet, but everything in the room was radiating the potential of a blank slate. The bookshelves had been righted but sat empty, the stairs seemed to have reappeared, and even as their hoofsteps echoed through the house, Twilight could envision the place coming back to life. It reminded her of her feelings when she first began moving in.

Applejack broke Twilight’s train of thought as they reached the stairs. “Twilight… ya’ know that if this didn’t work, I meant what I said before. We’ll find somethin’ that does, together. We can even get rid of this ol’ thing… I’m pretty sure we’re safe from bein’ invaded these days.”

“I know,” Twilight nodded, thinking about her house as a whole as she carefully climbed the stairs that had disappeared. The spell had changed the way she felt about the building. There was fear, especially here where she nearly fell, but it was more than that. She still loved the house for its place in her life and in Applejack’s life. She appreciated the powerful magic protecting it for its ancient utility, and the direct line it drew to Equestria’s past. She respected this house.

She bit her lip. “We could get rid of it, but I hope we don’t have to. I think the spell is interesting. We don’t need to keep it, but if we can, I’ll be happy. It gives the place character.”

“It tried to kill ya’,” Applejack said dryly.

Twilight grinned. “It’s a conversation piece.”

“Yeah, that’s a conversation I wanna have with your ma.” Applejack rolled her eyes as they made their way down the hall and up to the attic and mimicked, “Say, Ma Velvet, did ya’ know my family built this place themselves? And they put a spell on it that tried to shove those bookcases over on Twilight. Yup, those sure are solid oak!”

Twilight giggled. “You know my mom. She’ll probably be taking notes for her next...” Twilight trailed off. They had reached the top of the attic stairs, and Twilight looked around.

The claustrophobic feeling was gone from the room. The ceiling was still low, and the light was still dim, but nothing was pushing her to leave. She gave Applejack a nervous smile, and whispered, “So far, so good.”

“I’m right here with ya’, sugarcube.” Applejack nuzzled her.

Twilight nodded and steeled herself. She closed her eyes, half afraid of the blinding light that might come from the beam and what it would mean, but she cast the magic detection spell anyway. The magic flowed through her horn, and there didn’t seem to be a bright light behind her eyelids. She opened her eyes again, cautiously.

While earth pony magic still hung thick in the room, there was no intensely shining magic from the roof beam. The symbols glowed gold on an ordinary wooden beam; the spell was still there, but it wasn’t active.

“This is my house,” Twilight whispered. She felt Applejack press close to her, but nothing else happened. No shiver of fear, no explosion of magic, just the calm of an empty house and the warm feeling of her wife next to her.

Twilight inched forward, and brushed her hoof against the beam.

“Everythin’ okay, sugarcube?”

“It’s more than okay.” Twilight smiled, tracing her hoof over the carvings. “I almost want to apologize to it. It was just trying to protect us. I was kind of doing the same thing, when I threatened to get rid of it.”

“Well, as long as you and the house are good with each other now…” Applejack chuckled.

“I think we’re going to get along just fine.” Twilight giggled and nuzzled the roof beam, before turning to leave. She stopped when she got to Applejack and kissed her lips. Applejack kissed back eagerly.

When they parted, Twilight looked in Applejack’s eyes. “Thank you.”

Applejack raised her eyebrows. “Uh, for what?”

“For sharing your home and your life with me. For promising, twice, to always stand by me, and for proving that you mean it.” Twilight smiled at the blush that grew on AJ’s cheeks.

“A pony’s gotta take care of the ones she loves,” Applejack said simply.

Twilight nodded and grinned as she headed down the attic stairs. “I know exactly what you mean.”

***

Twilight’s house was bright and cheerful that Hearth’s Warming day. It took careful planning and tireless effort from both Twilight and Applejack to get moved back in, settled, and prepared to host a festive dinner in one week before the holiday, but it was no surprise to their friends or family that they managed it. But rather than just managing it, Twilight relished it; the combination of the relief of having her home back, the excitement of showing her family everything she loved about it, and the comfort of knowing that she had a beautiful pony by her side who she could count on for every detail of the work made the bustle and organization a celebration all its own.

The best part was that it all paid off. Both of their families were gathered, enjoying the holiday together. Twilight had set up a long table on one side of the front room, and she and Cadance were placing the plates on it while Granny and AJ worked their magic in the kitchen. Twilight’s father was with them in the kitchen, thrilled at the chance to lend a hoof and learn as many secrets as they would offer.

“It’s really wonderful of you to have us all, Twilight. I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed Hearth’s Warming this much!” Cadance said, floating the silverware to the table and setting the appropriate magic and non-magic places at each plate. “Even if it does seem like I’m going to have to find a royal puppy trainer when we get home.” She nodded towards the fireplace, where Shining Armor’s magic held a short, knotted rope, which Winona happily fought to take from him. He’d immediately fallen in love with the friendly little dog, and spent the whole day playing with her while dropping not-so-subtle hints to Cadance that a puppy might just show up at the palace one day soon.

Twilight’s magic carefully placed wine glasses at the places of the adult ponies for the crystal wine Shining Armor and Cadance brought to go with dinner. “It’s everypony being here that makes it special. This is exactly what I wanted my home to be.”

Twilight glanced over with a smile as laughter rang out from where Twilight Velvet sat on the floor playing cards with Spike, Apple Bloom, and Big Macintosh. All day Twilight’s mother had been making up amazing stories about herself that were just ridiculous enough to send Apple Bloom into fits of giggles and earn at least a snicker from more grown up ponies.

The door to the kitchen opened and Applejack came out, balancing a large salad bowl on her back, followed by Night Light with another two dishes in his magic.

“We’re gettin’ close to done, sugarcube!” Applejack said, expertly bumping the bowl onto the table.

“Great, the table is almost set. I’ll take those, Dad.” Twilight’s magic took the dishes from Night Light’s and placed them on the table in the spots she’d planned.  

“Your pa’s right handy in there,” Applejack said, walking over to give Twilight a nudge as Twilight adjusted the salad bowl.

Cadance giggled. “I’m sure he’s more useful than I’d be. Shining can tell you about his last birthday cake.” She smiled at Night Light. “At least one of your children had the sense to marry a pony who can cook.”

Night Light chuckled. “I’m just lucky Granny and Applejack let me help. It’s fun watching pros at work.”

Twilight shook her head. “I wish Granny would relax for a little bit. I feel so bad making her work all day!”

“Twilight, you know darn well Princess Celestia herself couldn’t keep Granny outta that kitchen when there’s folks to cook for.” Applejack laughed.

“Well, she’s going to let me do the dishes. I’m putting my hoof down.” Twilight smirked and stomped her hoof for emphasis.

Applejack gave Twilight a quick kiss on the cheek. “You’re awful cute when you’re stubborn... most of the time, at least,” Applejack said with a wink that made Twilight giggle.

Twilight smiled, then lit the candles in the center of the table. “There.”

She leaned against Applejack and admired the table setting, then her eyes drifted over the rest of her home. Ponies laughing, a warm fire, beautiful decorations, a delicious meal; and they got to offer this to the ponies they loved. It was a dream come true, and like most dreams come true it took more sweat and tears and heartbreak and frustration than she wanted to think about right at that moment. But her home was worth every second of it.