Cheerilee was trying to explain to Truffle Shuffle why you couldn't grow apples with peanut butter and honey already on them when she heard a commotion starting behind her. Turning, she saw Alula shrinking under her wings while Diamond Tiara laughed.
Her again... Cheerilee trotted up to them. "Diamond Tiara," she said. "You've made your classmate very sad. Apologize."
Diamond Tiara sighed melodramatically. “Alula, I’m sorry.”
“... for?” prompted Cheerilee.
“For saying that you won’t be able to get a job when you’re older, because you can only be a princess and that job’s already taken.”
“I don’t want to be a princess,” murmured Alula. “Maybe I could just make pots.”
“Do they let princesses make pots?” wondered Scootaloo. “I bet Luna could make some awesome pots.”
“Luna can do whatever she wants!” said Beebop. “She’s the princess. She could stand on her head all day and nopony could stop her. Or roll around with bugs and worms!”
Snails’ eyes widened. “Oh! Now I want to be royalty!”
Diamond Tiara opened her mouth, presumably to make another smart remark, but a glare from Cheerilee shut that down quickly.
“Why wouldn’t you want to be a princess?” asked Sweetie Belle. “Wouldn’t it be cool for everything you did to be really important? You could set, like...” She seemed to be trying to think of the most important thing in the world. “Fashion trends!”
Alula shrugged. “But I like pots. And it’d be fun to know that a whole lot of ponies were eating on plates that I made.”
“But if you were the princess, you could conjure pots out of thin air!” said Sweetie Belle.
“But... I like making them myself.” Alula smiled. “Dad got me some real high quality clay for my birthday. That was a lot of fun!”
Dinky was helping Snails remove his turban, which had somehow gotten stuck. Cheerilee noted that it at least wasn’t on fire, which was an improvement over last weekend. “What do you want to be when you grow up, everypony?” Dinky asked.
“Entymologist!” said Snails.
“Fashion designer like my big sister!” said Sweetie Belle.
“I’m gonna be a great musician!” screamed Beebop. “Everypony’ll listen to me! I’ll be in every concert hall!”
“As the janitor,” whispered Silver Spoon, and she and her friend laughed.
“Silver Spoon!” snapped Cheerilee.
“I,” said Scootaloo, butting in, “Am gonna be an awesome Night Guard! Just like Mom!” She grinned. “I’ll keep ponies safe from all kinds of threats! I’ll make sure they’re all safe and happy!”
“You can’t make sure everypony’s happy,” said Diamond Tiara. “There’s too many ponies.”
“As many as I can then.” Scootaloo paused. “That’s what Mom did. I talked to some of the Night Guards that knew her after we all got lost in Canterlot a few months ago, and they said that she wasn’t just really brave at fighting off monsters, but she was always helping whenever another Guard or a castle pony was in trouble. Even if they were just sick.”
“That’s a very good model for you to aspire to be like,” said Cheerile. “And I--”
“Miss Cheerilee! Miss Cheerilee!”
Cheerilee looked up and saw Apple Bloom approaching, with a vaguely familiar mare following her. Haven’t I seen her somewhere before?
“Miss Cheerilee! This is Natalia Rye... uh... Notary! She said she’s an old friend of yours who wants ta chat!”
Notary slowed as she looked at Cheerilee. “Blackcherry,” she said, her voice thick and tense.
Cheerilee blinked. “Natalia?” Her eyes widened. “From... from the Oats and Stoats Dormitory?”
Notary nodded slightly.
Cheerilee stared for a moment, then turned to her class. “Class, this is my college roommate, Miss Notary.” She looked back at Notary. “What brings you to Ponyville? It’s been so long.”
“I just wanted to catch up with an old friend,” said Notary. “May I borrow you for a few moments?”
Cheerilee frowned in thought. “Of course...” she said, as she traced her memories back. She’d lost touch with Notary after college, as they'd both gone off on their own paths. They hadn't seen or written each other since then. Cheerilee had tried to resume contact with her more recently, after the whole mess in Oaten, but there had been some problem that she couldn’t quite remember that had prevented her from doing so...
The teacher shook her head. That answer could wait. “Class, I’m going to go talk with Miss Notary for a little bit. Do you think you can handle yourselves?"
“Yes, Miss Cheerilee!” they chorused.
Cheerilee inclined her head at Notary. “The schoolhouse is just a block or so away. Shall we?”
Notary nodded gravely. “Of course.”
***
“Wow!” said Sweetie Belle. “Miss Cheerilee has an old friend!”
“She looked funny,” said Silver Spoon. “Her coat was all white. Like Corona.” She shuddered.
"Hey! My sister's coat is all white!" Sweetie Belle scowled. "And she's not like Corona at all!"
“But her mane was white too,” said Featherweight. “And she had a really cool accent! She sounded like a spy! I read somewhere that ponies with accents like that were Rushian, and everypony knows there's a lot of Rushian spies!”
Snips gasped. “Maybe she’s here to spy on us foals!”
“Or maybe she’s going to spy on Miss Cheerilee!” said Beebop. “We should do something!”
“Wait,” said Dinky. “Maybe she’s really just an old friend.” She grinned. “We should get Pinkie Pie! She’ll want to throw a big party!”
“But we can’t throw her a party if she’s a spy,” protested Featherweight.
Dinky frowned. “Miss Cheerilee trusts her, so we should too. Miss Cheerilee's a really smart pony!”
Scootaloo hopped up on a convenient tree stump. “Alright. Here’s what we’ll do,” she said, her little voice rattling out orders with the confidence of a general. “We’ll follow her! If Miss Notary’s a real friend, we’ll help Pinkie Pie throw the best reunion party ever! And if she’s a secret spy, we’ll get Trixie and the other knights!”
“Yay!” said Sweetie Belle.
“Wait!” said Dinky, as all the foals -- even an unusually interested Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon -- began to follow Scootaloo. “My Momma says it’s wrong to spy on ponies.”
“We’re not spying. We’re just... checking her out! It’s called wrecking tents!” said Scootaloo.
“Reconnaissance,” corrected Twist.
“Whatever. But we all love Miss Cheerilee. We need to help protect her!”
Dinky paused. She did care a lot for her teacher...
“Besides,” said Sweetie Belle. “Rarity says there’s nothing wrong with a little eavesdropping. She says that’s how all the great romances got started.”
Dinky still felt uneasy, but she couldn’t deny her own curiosity. Besides, if Miss Cheerilee really needed help, Dinky wanted to be there, just like Miss Cheerilee had been there to save them all from Corona and Grogar and the other monsters. “Okay--”
“Then let’s go!” yelled Scootaloo, and the foals took off at a run.
***
“Still like your coffee black?” asked Cheerilee, as she poured a fresh mug.
“Da.” Notary took the mug. “You’ve been well.”
“I suppose. Good town, good friends, a job I love, and now I’m a Bearer of an Element of Harmony.” Cheerilee grinned. “Didn’t see that one coming back in college.”
“I have to admit, of all the Elements... Laughter probably does suit you best.”
Cheerilee raised her own coffee mug. “Thank you! And yourself? What do you do now?”
“I am between jobs,” said Notary. She paused, then with a noticeable effort, continued. “But I have resources saved up... you need not worry.”
Cheerilee nodded. “Not that I’m not pleased to see you, but what brings you here?”
Notary’s eyes narrowed slightly. “Something from our college days.”
“You’ll need to be more specific.”
“Cider was involved--”
“That doesn’t narrow it down much,” joked Cheerilee.
Notary frowned.
“Right, right.” Cheerilee chuckled. “You were always so serious. What’s up?”
“Do you remember,” said Notary, softly, “Our trip to Neigh Orleans for the Summer Sun Celebration?”
***
Cheerilee opened the dormitory door and hopped inside, singing merrily. “Oh, ponies and wine, ponies and wine, they go together like mud and swine! Ponies and--”
Notary looked up from her desk. Her face had a few lines on it; Cheerilee didn’t think she’d slept much that week. “Blackcherry...” she said, in an exasperated tone.
“Right, right. You’re studying.” Cheerilee dropped her books on her bed and stretched. “But it’s almost midsummer! It’s a university holiday, what’s left to study?”
“My own special projects.” Notary flipped a page. “I want to learn as much, and as many skills, as I can. That’s what matters.”
Cheerilee smiled. “Are you just jealous that I got better grades than you?”
“By one-one hundredth of a point!” said Notary, instantly. “And that professor was confused. He didn’t understand my literary allusions or my use of allegorical imagery--”
“Hey, hey. Come on. We both got straight A’s. We should celebrate.” Cheerilee moved over and flopped onto Notary’s bed. “Seriously. You’re gonna burn yourself out if you keep going like this.”
“Your concern is touching, but I can take care of myself. I want to change the world someday. I have no time for idleness.”
Cheerilee propped herself up so her muzzle rested on Notary’s desk, at eye-level with her book (which seemed to be a set of architectural plans). “You got A’s. You should celebrate,” she urged. “Let’s go party.”
“For the last time, no. I am not at college to party.” Notary put a hoof to her head. “Blackcherry... I don’t object when you go to your clubs. I accept you have different priorities. Please do not protest my own.”
Cheerilee frowned. Did her roommate do anything but study? Didn’t she ever have fun? There had to be something she could do to help show this Rushian mare more of the fun side of life...
“I’ll make you a deal,” she said.
Notary looked at her.
“I’m going to Neigh Orleans for the Summer Sun Celebration. Come with. I’ll show you the best party in Equestria. If you’re still not interested in parties? I won’t bug you about them again.”
Notary paused. “I don’t know...”
“Look, you always say you want to learn everything you might need to know. Summer Sun is one of the biggest events in the country. You should go -- if only to learn about it, right?”
Notary looked at her book. And then her eyes darted to her grade sheet, with its row of A’s. “I suppose... I mean, I did accomplish all my goals this term... and I did want to research Summer Sun...”
“That’s the spirit. I’ll handle hotels, reservations, everything. I’ll watch out for you.” Cheerilee grinned. “And we are gonna have a great time.”
Notary looked a bit skeptical, but nodded. “Alright, Blackcherry. But I should warn you, I still don’t plan on engaging in these... drunken excesses.”
***
“WOOOOO!” screamed the two mares.
Cheerilee grinned. Notary had been uptight for a few hours, but she’d finally loosened up when they’d found a place that sold genuine Moscolt vodka. And it was good -- fiery and strong, Cheerilee would have to look into a Canterlot supplier when she returned. Anyway, since then, Notary had been a lot more easygoing.
They had cruised all over the city, dancing, parading, partying, and in general having a blast. The liquor flowed freely, as did the food, and while Notary seemed uninterested in stallions, Cheerilee already had a saddlebag full of addresses. Everywhere she turned, there was more fun to be had. It was the greatest party ever.
“Look!” said Notary, and then rattled off several sentences in Rushian.
“What?” asked Cheerilee.
“That establishment is selling jambalaya for only two bits to a plate! That’s vastly more cost-efficient than any other restaurant we have seen!” said Notary. The Rushian certainly was, Cheerilee had noted, a verbose drunk. “If we purchase our desired quantities of jambalaya there, we can retain more money for... for...”
“Cider?” offered Cheerilee.
“Exactly! Besides, we are far too intoxicated to notice if it tastes bad anyway.”
“A valid point!” Cheerilee gestured. “Jambalaya, here we come!”
“WOOOOOOOO!”
***
Cheerilee giggled at the memories. “We certainly had fun back then.”
“Mmm.” Notary’s expression was unchanging. “Blackcherry. The last thing we did that day before stopping for the night. I sincerely hope you haven’t forgotten.”
“Well, it’s been a while.” Cheerilee paused. “And I was very drunk.”
“I do not forget things, even when drunk. I remember all of it."
Cheerilee frowned. What was her old roommate driving at? She cast her thoughts back again.
***
"I'm hungry," announced Cheerilee. She and her roommate were covered in bead necklaces, to the point where they were tiring to carry around. Therefore, Cheerilee drunkenly concluded, they needed to get their strength up. And some genuine Neigh Orleans cuisine would hit the spot.
"There!" said Notary, gesturing with a wobbling hoof at a small restaurant with a faux-chapel attached to the roof. "Only eight bits for all-you-can-eat buffet!"
Cheerilee approached the restaurant, her eyes flickering over the sign. "Hey! If we pay three more bits each, they throw in a free wedding!"
"That is..." Notary blinked a few times. "Remarkably cost-effective! Weddings usually cost thousands of bits, but they are selling them for only eleven!"
"And we'd look adorable in wedding dresses!" added Cheerilee. "It'll be fun!"
But, as the two approached the restaurant/chapel, Notary's steps became confused. "Will it... count?"
“What, permanently? Nah. Nothing that happens during Summer Sun counts. What happens in Neigh Orlenas stays in Neigh Orleans! Now come on!” Cheerilee led Notary towards the reception hall. “It says they have wedding dresses and funny little hats, and flowers too! And the buffet has real cherimoyas! I love cherimoyas!”
“Flowers?” Notary giggled at that, her objections forgotten. “We can plant flowers all over the city! And water them with the finest Neigh Orleans cider!”
“Would that work?”
“I am far too inebriated to adequately analyze that question!”
“...okay, sure.”
***
“Oh, right! The wedding.” Cheerilee paused. She had a bad feeling. “Uh. Did it count?”
“What, permanently?” echoed Notary. “Yes.”
She slapped a paper down on the desk from her saddlebag. “I was setting my affairs in order before returning to Moscolt. I requisitioned all relevant records from the appropriate Canterlot offices. And I was surprised to note that, legally, I am registered as being married to you!”
Cheerilee blinked. She’d seen Notary angry before, though usually not at her. It was not something she relished. “Wait... wait a minute. The next day, before we left. You had me get that annulled...”
***
“Hmph. Throwing a fit... it’s just a silly marriage anyway. Who cares?” Cheerilee frowned.
It was the day after Summer Sun, and Neigh Orleans was asleep. It was just Cheerilee on the streets. Well, her and all the garbage.
“See if I take her to parties anymore... how’d she even remember it? She drank almost as much as me! Stupid eidetic memory,” muttered Cheerilee. "Now I have to get it fixed when I've got this pounding hangover... that annoying little--"
“I’m sorry?”
Cheerilee turned to see a very handsome stallion sweeping in front of his shop. Judging from his clothing and his anvil-shaped cutie mark, he was a blacksmith. Judging from his muscles, he was just Cheerilee’s type.
“Oh! Sorry, I didn’t mean you. Guest I brought along.” Cheerilee smiled. “How are you?”
“Eh. Doing okay, I guess. Day after Summer Sun’s always a drag.”
“I could help liven it up,” said Cheerilee, eyes twinkling.
The stallion blinked, then smiled. “Well... alright then. Want some cider?”
***
“Did you take care of it?” Notary asked, as soon as Cheerilee returned. “You were gone a long time.”
Cheerilee smiled tipsily. Had she been supposed to take care of something? Well, it was Summer Sun and they didn’t have school or work, so it couldn’t be very important, whatever it was. Best to just keep Notary happy.
“Yep!” said Cheerilee.
***
“Well,” said Cheerilee. “I was going to, but there was this stallion...”
Notary stared. “You failed to get the annullment.”
“Er...”
“The one thing I asked you to do, after you specifically said you would watch out for me in Neigh Orleans. You failed to get it...”
“But--”
“Because you were cheating on me...”
“You see--”
“Your wife, of a few hours...”
“Well--”
“With the first stallion you met?”
Cheerilee thought of saying many things. She debated bringing up how polygamy was legal in Equestria, so their being married (in a technical sense) wouldn't prevent them from marrying somepony they actually loved. She considered mentioning how neither of them had ever attempted to invoke any marital rights, such as tax benefits, so the marriage hadn't actually impacted them at all, nor would it in the future. There was also the point that the marriage could easily be dissolved by both of them signing a declaration to that effect and filing it in Canterlot. She even thought about pointing out that Equestrian law considered marriages annulled by default if the two ponies involved were separated for certain lengths of time and by certain distances, so the marriage, in addition to being functionally meaningless, might not even exist anymore.
But then she looked at Notary’s gritted teeth, her blazing eyes, and then the little divots Notary’s hooves were digging into the desk. And she remembered something else from her college days.
***
Cheerilee came back into her room, books balanced on her back, to find a pony trapped and struggling in a net attached to the ceiling. "Um."
"Let me out of here!" the pony complained. Cheerilee recognized him as the captain of the dormitory's hoofball team, a lecherous and annoying jock. "Your roommate's nuts!"
Cheerilee blinked and turned to her roommate, who was working at her desk like always. "He tried to steal my homework," Notary said.
"Hey! Coach says if I don't get my grades up, I'm off the team! And everypony knows you're a total egghead!"
Notary finally looked up, eyes blazing. In a growl, she repeated, "You tried. To steal. My homework."
Cheerilee made a quick decision. "I'll come back later," she said, then shut the door and walked away.
And, as she left, she muttered to herself: "Note to self. Don't make her mad."
***
It was time, Cheerilee knew, to make another quick decision.
“Well,” she said, in a jaunty voice, “There’s a very good explanation for all of that, Natalia.”
And then she ran for her life.
***
Outside, under the window, the foals were busily chattering.
“Married!” said Sweetie Belle, turning the word into a song. “Miss Cheerilee is married! This is so great!”
“Yay!” echoed Apple Bloom. “Ah always knew she’d find herself an awesome special somepony!”
“We’ve gotta tell Pinkie Pie!” said Scootaloo. “Two wives meeting each other after so long? That’s gotta be worth a huge party!”
“I wonder how Miss Cheerilee didn’t know?” mused Featherweight. “I wouldn’t think you’d forget something like that.”
“Who cares?” said Sweetie Belle. “Oh, I know! We can help set up a honeymoon for them right here in Ponyville!” She grinned. “Half of us can make the honey, and the other half can build a fake moon for them to eat it on!”
“I don’t think that’s how it works,” said Twist.
Dinky had managed to keep listening at the window. “Wait!” she said. “They sound mad at each other. Or at least, Miss Notary sounds mad.”
“Mad?” wondered Scootaloo. “They’re married. They can’t be mad at each other. That's not allowed!”
“Yeah,” said Sweetie Belle. “That can’t happen--”
Cheerilee blasted out the doors at a dead run. “Hi class! Bye class!” she said as she tore past them.
Notary jumped through the doors a moment later, saddlebag spilling off her side. “Get back here! I am not done with you!” she yelled, giving chase.
The foals stared as Notary proceeded to chase Cheerilee around the school lot, running circles around them. Every time Cheerilee sped up, Notary did too. The foals’ eyes began to swim trying to keep up with it.
"Scootaloo!" Cheerilee called suddenly. "Can I borrow your scooter?"
Scootaloo blinked. "Uh, sure--"
“Greatthanksbye!” Cheerilee suddenly turned at an angle and raced for the gate.
“Stop!” yelled Notary.
Cheerilee reached the schoolyard gate, then jumped.and landed on the scooter Scootaloo had left there. With a mighty kick, she zipped away.
Notary skidded to a halt, glaring. “That...” she hissed. “I will follow you, Cheerilee! I will follow you to the ends of the earth!”
"But you can't follow her!" Silver Spoon snarked. "You don't have any wheels to--"
“HI!”
Notary, as well as the foals, turned to see a large pink pony rolling towards them on a big wagon.
“Hi Pinkie!” said Snails. “Oh! You brought your party wagon! Yay!”
“You said you didn't want to stay in Sugar Cube Corner in party,” said Pinkie to Notary. “So I thought I'd bring the party to you! Besides, nothing gives new ponies more fun than my party wagon!”
Notary paused. “Fun? You want me to have fun?”
“Yes! It’s my special talent, and--”
Notary considered for a moment. “I would find it fun, then, if you allowed me to borrow your wagon.”
“Well... okay! Here you go!” She shoved it over towards the white-coated mare. Notary hopped on and kicked off, and soon was pursuing Cheerilee into the distance.
The foals could only stare.
***
"Blackcherry! You cannot get away!"
Cheerilee risked a glance behind her and saw her college roommate chasing her on Pinkie Pie's party wagon. Uh oh. That thing has cake canons! And other artillery! I need to hide!
She banked around a corner, but Notary followed. She seemed to be as fast as Cheerilee, and she was starting to gain.
No fair! thought Cheerilee. This was supposed to be a peaceful day! I didn't want to have to deal with my nutty college roommate!
Dang it. How could this get any worse?
***
"So it's settled!" Scootaloo yelled. "We are going to get Miss Cheerilee and Miss Notary back together!"
"YAY!" cheered the foals.
Dinky alone seemed skeptical. "Didn't she ask us not to interfere in her love life after Hearts and Hooves Day?"
"No, she asked us not to find her a new Special Somepony. This is an old Special Somepony," said Scootaloo. "Totally different."
"Yeah!" said Sweetie Belle. “Besides, Miss Cheerilee and Miss Notary looked really mad at each other!”
“Miss Notary looked furious!” said Beebop. She frowned. “But married ponies aren’t supposed to be angry at each other...”
“It’s terrible!” said Apple Bloom. “What if Notary leaves again, and Miss Cheerilee doesn’t have her special somepony?”
“We’ve got to do something!” said Sweetie Belle.
"You bet!" said Scootaloo. “Okay, everypony! We need to get those two to love each other again, so we’re going to... make the best date in the world for them! Apple Bloom and Twist, get some romantic food! Beebop, make some romantic music! Sweetie Belle, get some romantic picnic cloths from your sister! Alula, get some heart-shaped ceramic plates! Firelock! Uh... don't set them on fire! Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon--”
“We’ll get silverware, jewelry, and other accessories,” said Diamond Tiara.
“We will?” asked Silver Spoon.
Diamond Tiara nodded. “I’ll explain on the way,” she muttered.
“The rest of us can guide them to the picnic once we’re ready,” said Scootaloo. “Okay? Everypony ready?”
A dozen foals all nodded at each other.
“Let’s move out! Operation... uh... Operation Notilee is a go!”