Yet Another Human in Equestria Story
By: Bardic Knowledge
Chapter 17: September 14-15, Suited for Success
I was woken up by the rapping of “shave and a hair cut” on my bedroom door. That would be Twilight. She'd picked up a few of my mannerisms from that memory spell backwash. I'd even caught her swearing to Darkness like I do. Especially when she got a letter based on my report on the Parasprite situation last week.
I opened my door and said, “What's goin' on, Twi?”
“Rarity's got something to show us. She decided to make our Gala outfits today, and we're going to do a fashion show tonight for her!”
Oh, dear, I thought, but let my obvious just-woke-up-ness mask the dread. Fashion. Something I pay no attention to. “Just give me a moment to get dressed and I'll be right with you.”
“Right. I think Spike's getting some tea heated for you, too.”
“Thank him for me will you?” She nodded, and I threw on some basic day clothes, putting my bit bag, hair brush, and writing set in this coat's pockets.
Passing through the kitchen, I accepted the cup of Earl Grey from Spike, and we headed to Carousel Boutique. There, Rarity stood in the door, the others gathered in front of her.
“Good, you're all here now,” she said as we arrived. “If you would close your eyes and follow me?” As far as I could tell, everyone complied with the request, and we stumbled our way up the stairs (with the occasional accidental bump or kick) to Rarity's bedroom.
When we opened our eyes, there were the proper Gala Dresses, as expected, plus two more outfits. The new outfit on a ponyquin that must have been Trixie's was shades of purple, with a smattering of stars and what were probably planets along the whole of the dress. It was markedly different from Twilight's, though both had a star by their ear.
The only outfit on a mannequin was a pitch-black tuxedo, with a blood-red dress shirt and supple-looking gloves, and there was a cape with a softly glowing red liner, which reminded me of Lord Alucard (the one from Castlevania). The collar of the cape went up the back of the head in a way that reminded me of Vamdemon (AKA Myotismon).
While the others were dithering over their dresses not looking how they expected (even Trixie), I stepped up to feel the material of my tux. It was soft as night. I think my only issue would be the fact that I don't know how to tie a tie, normal or bow, but I liked it.
“What about you, Joe? Is it what.. you had in mind?” asked Rarity, snapping me out of my thoughts.
“Technically, I didn't have anything in mind, so the answer would honestly be no. However, I love it,” Rarity smiled at that. Good. “If I were to change anything, which I wouldn't, I'd want to look all Victorian Era, like the 3rd Doctor. With all that foofiness and stuff.” I vaguely gestured at my neck as I said “foofiness,” in an attempt to get my point across. “But this is most excellent. Now I just have to try and learn how to tie a tie. Again.” Well, that at least got a giggle out of Pinkie. “Mind if I try it on?”
“No, no, go right ahead. You know where the dressing rooms are!” I nodded and attempted to give Rarity a reassuring/”if you need anything” look, but I have no idea if she got the message. Carefully carrying the mannequin downstairs, I made my way to the dressing room, and disrobed the mannequin.
Wow, she even included underwear
BLATANT TIME SKIP! (What, did you think I'd detail changing my clothes?)
“This is simply glorious!” I purred, examining myself in the mirror. “I just need a proper pompous-y cane to go with it. Hmm... It's quite some time before the Gala, maybe I could commission a shikomizue.” I paused, then rubbed my chin. “Is that what it was called? Whatever. A sword-cane-umbrella.” I grabbed the edge of the cape and held it up in the stereotypical vampire pose, then dropped it. “What kind of vampire wears glasses?” I muttered. Able Nightroad, my mind answered. “Right.” I pushed my glasses up. Maybe I could talk to Dr. See More (Ponyville's resident ophthalmologist) about trying to replicate contacts again. Maybe even red, glowing ones...
Shaking off the thought, I returned upstairs to find Rarity alone, hard at work on one of the Gala Dresses. Fluttershy's, judging by the shade of green. She was singing under her breath, presumably an unheard refrain of “Stitching it Together.”
“So, where'd you get the idea for this?” I asked, after she noticed me. “It's definitely formal enough, but it makes me think of a Nightmare Night costume.”
“That was partially my inspiration. Since you like the night so much, I thought you would enjoy something that reflected your views on it.” I took a deep breath, steeling myself.
“I know you did this out of the goodness of your heart, but I do want to repay you. Things will look bleak. The others are going to design fashion disasters, and wossname fashion guy – he's silver/grey with sunglasses on, can't remember his name – is going to hate them. I'm going to try and head him off and reassure him that they're not your real designs.” It had taken a few days and throwing around some of my insignificant influence to salvage Photo Finish's rep, but in doing so I had gained some influence in the fashion industry.
To my annoyance, considering my lack of interest.
“Thank you,” Rarity whispered.
“I believe that the Elements are not only the core of their bearers', but that their bearers inspire that Element in others.” I paused, trying to think of something else to add. “In other words, your Generosity inspires Generosity in your friends. And you know I'm one of those.”
Rarity stopped sewing for a moment and she trotted over to me and gave me a strong hug. We held the hug for a couple moments before she returned to work. Meanwhile, I changed out of the costume/tux, putting it back on the mannequin, and sat down in the lobby to write a letter to that fashion guy who's supposed to come by. I knew that I had met him while doing that salvage work, but for the life of me I couldn't remember his name!
I'd have to ask Spike his name before I send off the letter. At least, I think he's the one who asks the guy to come by for the fashion show...
Urgh, that meant there'd still be the rest of the fashion show's audience to do something about.
Though... That didn't seem to have any far-reaching consequences on Rarity's rep. Especially once she meets Fancy Pants. Hmm. Might be able to modify that encounter.
Regardless, I figured that I wasn't needed at the boutique anymore, and left for my house. The bits chewed out of the porch by Parasprites had been repaired, and Twilight herself had paid for it, since it was partially her fault (her decision, too).
On the way back, I was met by Time Turner, who presented me with a pocket watch.
“Here you go,” he said, “just like you ordered.”
I frowned. “But, I didn't order a new watch.”
“Well, some human showed up to my shop a couple days ago with an interesting design for a watch, then left after paying in advance. And since you're the only human in Equestria...”
As I opened my mouth to reply, I heard a faint grinding sound that drew my attention upwards. A dark blue spot was moving across the sky, before it faded out.
Couldn't've been... I took a second look at the watch. This was the Chameleon Arch fob watch the Doctor used in Human Nature/Family of Blood (and the Master used as Professor YANA). Cautiously, I opened the watch.
Nothing. Not a secret Time Lord, then.
I distractedly thanked Time Turner for the watch, and continued home, mulling over the curious events of the afternoon. I had just reached the outskirts of town when I remembered needing the name of the fashion guy and turned around to find Spike.
Turns out his name was Hoity Toity. Fortunately, Spike hadn't yet sent him word of the impending fashion show, so I was able to piggyback my letter onto his. Then, instead of going back to my house like I had originally intended, I steeled myself and grabbed a book on fashion. For all of two pages. So I instead grabbed the first Daring Do book and started reading it again.
It was a couple hours later when we heard back from the guy via special courier. Which made sense, since only Princess Celestia could send fire-mail back the way it came. As far as I knew. He had actually written a separate letter in response to me, which thanked me for my warning. He was apparently still coming, but knowing that the first outfits he'd be seeing were meddled with would stay his opinion until the proper clothes could be shown to him.
Just as I'd hoped.
The hours until the fashion show passed quickly, Spike having run to the boutique to deliver the news and come back in the meantime. I had gone through two of the Daring Do books and was on the third (out of currently eight) when Spike ushered me out the door.
“Come on!” he said. “It's almost time, and you've got to get ready, too!”
I rolled my eyes. “Spike, listen. I'm going to be held in reserve. You haven't seen the bizarro outfits the girls have designed for themselves, and the only one I haven't seen is Trixie's. If my awesome suit is displayed alongside those things, then Hoity is going to think it's part of the same 'line,' and dismiss it out of hand.”
“But...”
“Don't worry, Rarity knows it's coming. I warned her as payment for my suit.” Spike seemed torn about something, but I shrugged it off as we approached the boutique. Just because I wasn't in the show didn't mean I wasn't going to be there for Rarity.
I then instantly started to help set up the stage and sound system, learning a bit about putting the latter together from Vinyl's stage hoof, Roadie. As the moment approached, I stepped backstage, joining the Mane Six plus Trixie and Spike.
“Why aren't you getting ready, Joe?” asked Twilight.
“My suit isn't of the same... calibre as yours. Not to mention the fact that it's designed for a human, and yours are tailored to ponykind.” They seemed to accept that explanation, and I took a moment to find out what Trixie designed.
Trixie was wearing what seemed to be her performing clothes, but they were covered in so many sequins and beads that a Stephanie Meyer sangrophage would feel inadequately sparkly.
Spike was rocking in place, mumbling to himself and nodding on occasion, with a microphone in hand. The voices outside the curtains grew louder with each minute, until it was time. Just before Spike could speak into the microphone, I snatched it out of his claw and stepped onto the stage.
“Ladies and gentlemen!” I began. “No, wait, this is Equestria. It's 'fillies and gentlecolts.' Which always struck me as strange, since fillies are young mares and colts are young stallions. But I digress. I do that a lot.” The crowd chuckled bemusedly. “I present to you a series of ensembles designed by the Elements of Harmony! Begin the music!” I hopped off the stage and watched the crowd in mild fascination as the fashion disasters walked across the stage.
The gasps of outrage and disgust were amusing to me, though I flinched when Trixie emerged and the light reflected into my eyes. I think I heard somepony else react with a pained “gah!” somewhere behind me.
I must say, even though it was a visual abomination, Trixie's design did (pardon the pun) reflect her personality pretty well: she's a flashy show-off. At that moment a song lyric popped into my head. “how can they see with sequins in their eyes?'. Heh. Whoever did that part of Ponies: the Anthology really knew what they were doing.
As the six of them stood on the roundel (or whatever it's called) at the end of the runway, I raised the microphone again. “And there you have it, folks. Each of these dresses was designed by the very pony wearing them! I think it shows, how about you?”
“I kinda like the last one!” shouted Vinyl. “It'd be good at a rave!” That got a laugh from the assembled crowd, and Trixie shot a dirty look in the direction of the DJ. Don't like the taste of your old medicine, Trix?
“Regardless, that's all we have for you this ev-” the mike was snatched out my hand, causing a loud thud to echo through the room.
“But, Joe,” said Spike, who had snuck up on me. “You didn't introduce the one who made the dresses!”
“Spike!” I hissed. “Oui yna culr yh etued!” Unfortunately, Spike either didn't pay any attention to me, or, more likely, didn't understand Al Bhed.
“Come on out, Rarity!” Reluctantly, Rarity did just that, the crowd still laughing as she trudged forward. “Yeah, whoo hoo, way to go!” Spike's claps while holding the mike turned into booms in the speakers, so I snatched the mike back.
“Sorry about the switch in announcer, folks. But, as I was saying, that's all we have for you this evening, and we hope you enjoyed yourselves! Have a good night!”
And, as the crowd began to disperse, Rarity broke into tears and ran away. The others were looking after her in astonishment and sadness. I left the microphone with Vinyl, apologizing for not being able to help tear down, which she waved off, and went to find Hoity.
“I say, I'm very glad you said something to me earlier,” remarked Hoity Toity. “Otherwise, I would have been even more horrified. So, when might I see the proper line Miss Rarity designed?”
“I believe tomorrow. Rarity's having a bit of a crisis thanks to Spike, but the six on stage are her friends and I'm sure they will be able to get her out of it. Do you have a place to stay while you wait?”
“I did rent a hotel room before coming to this, yes. I will see you tomorrow.”
“Have a good night.”
I grit my teeth as I thought about what to do, and eventually settled on just heading back to the house. Trixie did have work tonight, so I probably wouldn't see her until tomorrow afternoon, and, hopefully, she wouldn't be too sore over the way I announced them at the show.
The next day, I joined the others at Rarity's. Dash and Trixie were visibly disgruntled with me, but AJ and Fluttershy just seemed more pensive than normal. Pinkie was seemingly unaffected and as bouncy as always. Spike was looking dejected about something.
Twilight glanced in my direction, breathed in through her nose, and sighed, “This was an episode, wasn't it?”
“Yep. Have you learned your lesson?”
Twilight closed her eyes. “To borrow an Earth idiom: Never look a gift horse in the mouth.”
The others looked strangely at her, then at me. I shrugged, “I don't really know the reasoning behind it, but I think it had something to do with being bitten by a horse or something. But, since you've learned it, I can help a little more than normal.”
“So, what should we do here?” I held up a hand and put my ear to the door. Hmm. No sound. Curious. I backed away a bit and knocked. The door opened slightly, Rarity peeking one eye out the crack.
“I was expecting the others,” she said, softly.
“They're here, too. Can we come in?” She backed away from the door and finished opening it. There was cloth laying all about the room, a couple ponyquins lopsided against each other. It was a far greater mess than the meticulous Rarity had ever let her room be in. “You seem to be taking things a lot better than I expected. Considering your canon counterpart was a gibbering wreck.”
“Unlike this 'canon counterpart,' I know that my friends who will do anything to help me. That their Generosity is as great as my own.” She looked past me. “Or am I wrong?”
I found myself crushed in a mass group hug of seven ponies and a dragon. This lasted all of a minute before it broke up.
“Is this your dress's design, Rarity?” asked Fluttershy, looking at the sketch on the wall.
“Oh, yes. I was going to work on it after I finished your dresses, but I didn't have time.” At this, Twilight and Trixie looked at each other.
“Then let us finish it for you,” Twilight said.
“What? But-”
“We just have to follow your design, I'm sure we can do that,” said Trixie.
“And with Fluttershy's freaky knowledge of sewing, we can get it together know problem,” chimed in Dash, making Fluttershy blush.
I held up my hands, “I have very little skill in sewing, so I don't think I'll be much help. Tried making a pair of boots once; they leaked.” I glanced at Rarity. “How about I take you to lunch, instead? We'll let them work.”
Rarity thought for a second and nodded, and we headed out the door. I lead her to one of the fanciest restaurants in Ponyville, where my status as Ponyville's now-famous human and Celestia's Royal Liaison got us an unreserved seat without needing to “call” ahead.
We had a pleasant lunch, with Rarity having a salad and some fancy-sounding flower-based dish and I had a fettuccine Alfredo with broccoli. When we finished and I paid (so glad I'm getting paid from all my sources of income in two days), we meandered our way back to the Carousel Boutique.
When we entered the front door, Applejack was there waiting for us. “Now wait here,” she said on seeing us. “I'm-a check on the dress.” After a few moments upstairs, she came back down with the others. And asked us to close our eyes.
“Why me, too?”
“Well, I guess you don't have to, but I figured...” I raised a hand placatingly and closed my eyes, once again stumbling up the stars to Rarity's room.
The dress looked about how I remembered it, and Rarity choked up beside me at it's appearance.
“It's beautiful,” she whispered. “Thank you.”
“Spike, if you could go get Hoity from the hotel, we'll be getting ready for Fashion Show Part 2.” Spike snapped off a salute and dashed away, while I grabbed my tux and left the room for another to get changed. It wasn't much later that we were all standing in the lobby of the boutique, Rarity rearranging things to turn it into a stage with a curtain, before pulling the blinds and lowering the curtains.
By the time Hoity arrived, we were in position behind the curtain. Trixie was to be the first on stage and I would be the last other than Rarity.
Trixie's display involved a great deal of fireworks that coalesced into the stars on her dress, while the others remained the same. Mine involved the whole room getting dark, my cape fading in before the rest of me, a glass of fake wine (really fruit punch) in hand, which I drank quickly before tossing to the side, letting it shatter before laughing.
I was very tempted to repeat the opening of Symphony of the Night, but I knew it would be out of place, so remained content with my semi-maniacal not-at-all-evil laugh.
With the introduction of Rarity at the end, Hoity applauded. “Brava, brava! Most excellent work indeed! I simply must have your designs in my shop! Of course, this fellow's suit will need to be adapted for ponies, but it's very debonair.” Rarity's eyes lit up. “I'll need six copies of each by next week.” Rarity's face fell.
Well, as adventures go, this one was pretty mild. Can't wait for the Running of the Leaves next week.