//------------------------------//
// Part 7 Dan Vs. Love: Chapter 44 Dan & Pinkie Vs. Employment 
// Story: The Wheel and the Butterfly A Dan X Pinkie Pie Saga 
// by Justice3442 
//------------------------------//



The Wheel and the Butterfly




A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga



Part 7 Dan Vs. Love 



 Chapter 44 Dan & Pinkie Vs. Employment



***

Chris slowly pushed open the door to his house and stepped inside.

“Hey, sweetie,” Elise began, “where have you be…CHRIS?! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?!” Elise asked in an alarmed tone from the couple’s blue couch.

Chris walked over to the couch, and sat down. His clothes were ripped and full of ragged holes. “Hi, honey. Giant radioactive hamsters tried to chew my clothes off at the bakery Dan and Pinkie work at.” Chris explained.

“WHAT?!”

“Yeah, Dan and Pinkie said their neighbor probably had a hand in their crea…”

“No, not the hamsters.” Elise qualified, waving a hand about. “Dan has a job?!” Elise asked in a shocked tone.

“Uh, yeah.” Chris responded. “He’s trying to get money so he can buy Pinkie a birthday present.” 

“DAN IS TRYING TO BUY PINKIE SOMETHING WITH HIS OWN MONEY?!”

“That was about my reaction.” Chris responded waving an index finger. “It’s part of some scheme to make Pinkie fall in love with him.” Chris explained.

“Oh, really~?” Elise cooed.

 Chris sighed. “Now I’m the only one without a job.”

Elise smiled and shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. Why don’t you try helping Dan?”

Chris paused. “You’re encouraging me to hang out with Dan in favor of getting a job?” He asked with a raised eyebrow

“Sure!” Elise stated. “I’m sure he could really use the help!” She said raising her eyebrows with a smile.

“This is because of your shipping obsession with those two, isn’t it?” Chris asked flatly.

 “Uh…yeaaah…” Elise admitted with a nervous smile.

Chris smiled. “Do I get bakery spending money?” He asked with a smile.

Elise reached into her pocket, pulled out her wallet, grabbed a sizeable wad of bills, and handed them to Chris.

Chris knitted his brow together as he took the sizable amount of cash. “You really want to see those two together, don’t you?”

“I really do!” Elise responded with an embarrassed, toothy smile. “Oh, when’s Pinkie’s birthday?”

“May 3rd” Chris responded. “There’s a party, of course.”

Elise guffawed. “How could there not be?” Elise thought for a second. “Hmmm…we’ll need to get Pinkie something nice, but not as nice as whatever Dan’s getting her.”

“Well, that won’t be hard.” Chris explained. “Dan found an eight-hundred dollar mirror at the Antique Mall and insists it’s the perfect gift for Pinkie.”

“…Seriously? Eight-hundred? Like…an eight with two zeros behind it?” Elise asked in disbelief.

Chris nodded. 

“Wow…I doubt Dan’s ever spent that much money on himself, let alone someone else.” Elise pondered this for a moment. “He’s…he’s actually, really in love with her, isn’t he?” She asked, turning back to her husband.

“As much love as Dan is capable of, it would seem…” Chris responded.

“Huh…but why a mirror, you think?” 

Chris shrugged. “I don’t know, but it had a butterfly on it…I think it’s sort of Dan’s thing with Pinkie…”

Elise smiled. “When the heck did Dan learn how to be sweet?!” She asked rhetorically.

“I know, right?” Chris responded. “He’s like…okay, well almost exactly the same guy, still…but somehow capable of human warmth and emotion…at least for Pinkie.”

Elise chuckled and stood up. “Well, Mr. Giant Hamster Attack Victim, I think someone’s earned themselves a gallon of ice-cream.” 

Chris smiled as Elise leaned down and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. 

“With whipped cream?!” Chris asked excitedly as Elise walked off towards the kitchen.

Elise rolled her eyes with a smile. “Alright, honey.”

“And a side of bacon?!” Chris added.

Elise turned, still smiling. “Don’t push it.” She said.

“Heh,” Chris responded. “A man’s gotta try…”

***

Two sets of bloodshot eyes slammed open in the dark as Pinkie’s smartphone began emitting a high pitched, irritating noise.

Dan’s impulse was to reach out and throw the offending device far, far away. An impulse made difficult by the fact that his hand was still tangled in Pinkie’s hair.

Pinkie’s impulse was to grab it and simply shut it off. However, as she turned her body around to face the phone, Dan’s hand and the rest of him followed.

Two sets of eyes widened in alarm as the bodies attached to the eyes fell off the couch into a heap on the floor.

‘THUMP’

Pinkie untangled herself from Dan and untangled his hand from her hair, then stood up; grabbing her phone in the process and turning the alarm off.

“Pinkie…” Dan moaned out. “I’m pretty sure this is a time I should going to bed, not getting up.” Dan responded from the floor, raising an index finger.

Pinkie yawned. “I know Dan. Why don’t you grab a change of clothes and a shower? I’ll make you some punch and breakfast.” She added.

Dan picked himself up and began walking to the bedroom. “Fine.” He grumbled out. “If you hear a loud thump from the bathroom, please come investigate, I’m most likely passed out in the shower.”

Pinkie giggled. “Sure, Dan.”

Dan turned to Pinkie with red, bleary eyes. “No, seriously.” He insisted. “I’ve fought mythological creatures, a super villain, a superhero, and giant monsters created by science gone horrible wrong and/or right. I don’t want” –Dan air quoted—“‘Died because he fell asleep in the shower and drowned’ to be my epitaph.”

Pinkie continued to smile and nodded. “Of course, Dan.”

*

“Oh YEAH!” Dan exclaimed, setting down the nearly empty glass on the kitchen table. Dark red ooze still clung to the sides. “Look out, world! Dan’s up and he’s coming straight for your throat!” He announced, sitting down at the plywood covered foosball table that served as the two roommate’s dining table.

“I sure hope that involves eating sunny-sidee-eggies, toast, and making lots of cupcakes and muffins this morning.” Pinkie stated, placing a plate of food and a glass of orange juice in front of Dan. “I don’t think I can manage violence or property destruction at this hour.”

 Dan smiled and shrugged. “Attacking the world’s jugular can take many forms.” He replied.

Pinkie smiled and planted a quick peck on Dan’s cheek as she reached down to hold his hands, hers still wrapped in gauze. She gave Dan a warm smile. “Hey, I meant to say something last night, but I fell asleep…thank you so much for doing this. It really means the world to me.” 

Dan grinned, leaned forward, and gave Pinkie a peck on her own cheek, causing her to blush. 

“Sure Pinkie. My pleasure. Just try to keep the stupidity to a level that doesn’t require medical attention, alright?” 

Pinkie nodded. “I’m sure you’ll keep me from getting into too much trouble.” Pinkie paused. “Wow, that sounded really weird, somehow…” She mused as she walked towards the couch, grabbed a neatly folded pair of jeans, her white and red striped shirt, and a matching pink set of underwear she had left out for herself before entering the bathroom and closing the door behind her.

Dan grinned evilly to himself as he heard the sound of running water coming from the bathroom.

“You may think I’m doing this for you,” Dan said to himself, “but I’m really doing this so I can buy you the best birthday gift ever and make you fall head over heels in love with me. And when that’s finally done, and you’re consumed with thoughts and feelings for me, I’ll go in for the kill and all your delectable smoochees will be mine!” Dan threw his hands up and cackled madly.  “MUHAHAHAHAHA…” His expression turned confused as he rubbed his chin. “Wow that…uh…that sounded a lot more malevolent in my head…”

***

“Phew!” Pinkie placed the last muffin in the display case and wiped sweat off her forehead with the back of her hand. A white, slightly frosting smudged apron hung over her striped shirt and jeans.

Dan leaned against the counter on the dining area side and looked down at the massive amounts of baked goods the two had made.  His own apron notably dirtier.

“Well…that should last us at least the first few hours.” Dan commented. “Then we can both take turns frantically screaming and praying for a merciful death that will never come.”

“I’m sure it won’t be that bad!” Pinkie exclaimed. “And besides!” Pinkie smile hopefully. “Now both of us are here! We should be able to handle another day like yesterday no problem!” She insisted.

“Pinkie, you goofball,” Dan began, “you didn’t open up until mid-afternoon yesterday because you were still getting ready. Now, smarty pony, you’ve worked at a bakery before. When are they usually the busiest?”

Pinkie’s eyes widened. “Late mornings and early afternoons…” Pinkie sighed as she rested her arms on the counter and slumped her head onto them. “We’re both going to die here, aren’t we?”

“Yep, pretty much.” Dan responded.

“Hey, guys.” Wally said walking out of the office with a sheet of paper. “I made a work schedule.”

Dan and Pinkie turned around and took a look at the calendar in Wally’s hand. 

Pinkie’s eye twitched and she gritted her teeth together hard for a split second.

“Uh…Wally?” Dan began. “I don’t mean to be nitpicky, but I’m pretty sure you could have saved yourself some time and just shackled Pinkie and I to the kitchen.”

“Sorry, you two.” Wally said, adjusting his glasses. “I’ll try to hire on more staff right away.”

Dan threw out his forearms and held his hands up at shoulder level as he shot an irritated glance into the wall. “Why does it have to take so long?! You hired Pinkie and me on the spot!”

“Well…yes, but I was under the influence of a cupcake for the former and under duress for the later.”

“Look! Just go out there and find some hobos, anything!” Dan insisted.

“Dan,” Pinkie began, “all the homeless in the immediate vicinity are either in the hospital or off spending their huge piles of money.” She reminded.

“Ghah!” Dan growled out in a frustrated tone. “Hoisted by my own generous, bone shattering petard!” 

“Sorry, Dan.” Wally offered. “Hiring people isn’t as easy as just picking up a couple people off the street.” He insisted.

“Sure it is!” Dan countered. “Here, watch!”

“Uh…”

Pinkie and Wally watched as Dan walked towards the entrance of the store, opened it, and welcomed in two early morning customers who had lined up outside already.

Dan escorted a blond haired, dreadlocked man wearing pink glasses, a green shirt, a purple vest, khakis, and flip-flops, with his arm in a sling; and a blond haired, crocked-eyed, yellow irised woman wearing a blue button-up shirt under a light blue short sleeved shirt, yellow tie, green skirt, white socks, and sandals.

“Dude, are you opening early?” Crunchy enquired.

“Better!” Dan said with smile. “Hiring!” 

“Seriously? Whoa, killer.” Crunchy responded.

The blonde haired woman gasped. “Does this mean I get an employee discount on muffins?!”

“Dan! We really can’t just randomly hire people!” Wally insisted. “What if they already have jobs?!”

“They lined up in front of a bakery at a time when any sensible person is asleep.” Dan pointed out. “I’m guessing a job wasn’t on the daily schedule.”

“Sir, that is very unkind…” Crunchy responded, holding up an index finger. “…If true.” he added.

The blond haired woman merely shrugged. “Well, he’s got my number  there.”

Wally gave an exasperated sigh. “But there are supposed to be résumés, background checks, and drug tests…”

Dan shrugged. “Desperate times.” He stated. “And we’re probably better off not drug testing the dirty hippy anyways…” He added.

Crunchy chuckled nervously.

 Wally turned to Pinkie. “Are we desperate?” He asked, raising an eyebrow above his glasses.

Pinkie cocked her head and looked at him with wide eyes. “Very.” She answered.

Wally sighed. “Alright, I guess you two are hired.”

“Yay!” The blonde haired woman responded.

“Groovy.” Crunchy replied.

The woman motioned to herself. “My name is…”

“Your names are now ‘Dirty Hippie’ and ‘I don’t care’.” Dan said motioning out at the new hires. “You are now faceless conscripts of the bakery wars.” He declared.

“Dan, his name is ‘Crunchy’.” Pinkie informed, motioning out to the dreadlocked man in pink glasses. “We just saw him a few days ago, remember?”

“Pffft…” Dan waved a dismissive hand. “I’m sure I would have remembered that.”

“Yeah,” Wally began, “he seems like the sort of guy it would be hard to forget if you’ve seen him before.”

Crunchy smiled and put his hands on his hips proudly. “I do tend to make an impression.”

Pinkie folded her arms and rolled her eyes.

“I can be ‘dirty hippy’!” The woman responded happily, waving her hand about in a ‘pick me, pick me!’ fashion.

“Oooo! Oooo! And we can call you D.H. for short!” Pinkie responded happily.

 “Yay!”

“Oh, whatever!” Dan responded. “What’s-her-name is gonna have to be tough if she doesn’t want to die on the front lines.”

Crunchy and D.H. exchanged worried glances. “We can’t really die from doing this, right?” Crunchy asked. The two turned to Pinkie for confirmation.

Pinkie merely shrugged. “You might.”

“Whoa, total buzz kill…” Crunchy responded. “Suddenly, I’m having second thoughts.”

Dan reached into the display case and grabbed two oatmeal muffins, and held them up.

“I’ll give you each a tasty muffin if you join~.” Dan offered in a sing song tone.

Crunchy eagerly took the muffin. “I am no longer having second thoughts.” He announced.

D.H. quickly grabbed her own muffin and happily munched it in a few quick bites.

“Alright, you two.” Wally said motioning to his new hires. “I need you two to fill out some forms before we open.”

Crunchy and D.H. went walked behind the counter and followed him into the office, D.H. tripping over her own feet along the way.

Dan turned to face Pinkie. “There, am I great, or am I great?”

Pinkie beamed and leaned forward to plant a small kiss on Dan’s cheek. “You’re the greatest.” She pulled back her head and smiled. “I’m sure today won’t be nearly as bad as yesterday!”

*Several hours later*

D.H. made an alarmed sound as a customer bumped into her in the crowded dining area, she threw a tray full of cupcakes into the sky and soon the colorful baked goods were raining down upon the unsuspecting bakery patrons.

“I take it back.” Pinkie stated. A cupcake hit the register in front of her and sprayed colorful frosting all over her and Dan’s faces. “It’s pretty bad!” She added.

Dan grumbled as he wiped frosting off his face. Pinkie stuck her tongue out, extended it to the far reaches of her face, and rotated it in a clockwise fashion, quickly consuming any frosting that had landed on her.

“Wow…that was amazing…in the most disgusting way possible.” Dan mused.

“Thank you!” Pinkie responded with a smile.

“Hey, Dan! Hey, Pinkie!” Chris said as he approached the register.

“Hey again, Chris!” Pinkie responded cheerfully.

“Chris, are you just hanging out at the bakery?!” Dan exclaimed.

“I’m hungry again!” Chris insisted.

“You’re perpetually hungry!” Dan countered. “You’re like a black hole that just consumes anything that gets too close.”

“Dan, be nice!” Pinkie insisted. “Chris is a customer and we should treat him as such!” 

Dan raised an eyebrow. “What makes you think I don’t treat the other customers this way?”

“Uhh…Touché.” Pinkie responded, she turned to Chris. “So, what can we getcha?” 

Chris smiled. “I’ll have two rainbow cupcakes, a honey lemon cupcake, two chocolate muffins, and a Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness cupcake.”

Pinkie smiled and quickly dove below the counter and into the display case. She quickly surfaced with a small tray full of treats. “Two rainbows, a honey lemon, two cocoa muffins, and a MMMMM.”

Dan took Chris’s money and made change at the register. “MMMMM?” He asked.

“Mini Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness, of course!” Pinkie answered.

Dan rolled his eyes. “Of course.”

“Heh, no flip-flop this time in the MMMMM, eh?” Chris commented.

Dan and Pinkie glanced at each other then back to Chris. 

“A flip-flop?” Dan asked. “As in…an entire sandal?” 

“Yeaaah…” Chris responded. “…It seemed a bit weird, and it made the cupcake really chewy, but it was still really, really good!” He said with a goofy grin.

The joy in Pinkie’s face suddenly dove into an ocean of surprise. “Chris?! Did you eat an entire shoe that somehow got baked into a cupcake?!”

“Baked and frosted over!” Dan added. “Maybe I should keep a closer eye on the new meat…” He said, tapping an index finger against his chin.

“What!” Chris protested. “I’d never eaten an MMMMM before! I just thought that’s how it came!” He insisted. “Also, it was a flip-flop! Way easier to eat than an entire shoe!” He added.

“Hey, dudes and dudette…have any of you seen my flip-flop?” Crunchy enquired walking out of the kitchen, one of his feet barer than usual.

“Oh…uh…I think I ate it…” Chris admitted. “Sorry.”

Crunchy shrugged and smiled. “It’s all good, bra. I’m sure you can give it back in a few hours.”

Pinkie and Dan exchanged worried looking expressions.

“Hey!” D.H. called out. “Has anyone seen my sandal…or sock? I had them when I was baking, but now they’re gone! I don’t know what went wrong…”

Chris grinned nervously and turned to Dan and Pinkie. “I’m guessing the raspberry muffins also don’t come with a sandal, or the banana nut muffins with a sock.” 

 Dan smacked a palm against his forehead.

“Dan?” Pinkie asked, shocked expression still glued to her face as she turned to her roomie. “I’m going to go bang my head against the break room wall until I forget this whole experience. Wanna come? It’ll be fun!” She said happily. “Aaand amnesia inducey!” 

Dan extended an elbow. “Short term memory loss? I’m there.”  

Pinkie gleefully looped an arm around Dan’s elbow.

Dan looked at Crunchy. “Hey, Cripple, can you run out orders with only one hand?”

“Yes, sir!” Crunchy saluted with his unslung arm and hand. “I won’t let you down, sir!”

Dan rolled his eyes, “I’m sure you will, but hop to it anyway.” He turned towards the dining room area. “Hey! Girl whose name I actually don’t know nor care about!” Dan called out.

D.H. turned and walked towards the register, bumping into customers, chairs, and tables as she went. “Yes, Dan?”

“You can work the register since it seems walking and carrying something at the same time is too tall an order.”

“Aye, aye Captain Dan!” D.H. responded with a crooked salute, crooked eyes, and crooked smile. 

“Wally!” Dan called out towards the back.

“Uh, yes Dan?” Wally called from the office.

“I’m leaving Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dumber to run things while Pinkie and I take a break.” Dan called out. “This involves literally breaking the walls of the break room while we smash our heads against it.”

“Oh my…” Wally responded.

“Yeah…so you might want to come out here and keep an eye on these two…or just…pray to a deity of some sort…” Dan added, grinning at Pinkie who mirrored the smile as the two walked into the back, arm in arm.

**

“Uhh…are you two done?” Wally asked, looking over his two employees who sat on a simple, narrow cushioned bench against the wall, hand in hand; their faces had matching vacant eyes, matching forehead wounds with small trickles of blood that dribbled down their faces, and matching giant, toothy smiles. 

Pinkie turned, towards Wally, though her eyes remained distant and unfocused. “Done doing what, Wally?”

“Uh…Beating your heads against the wall…I noticed the thumping stopped.” Wally motioned out to the large concave holes in the small break room wall that had fresh blood caked in the center.

“Is that what we came here to do?” Dan asked, smile still plastered on his face. “I don’t remember…”

Pinkie shook her head. “Me neither! But I think I feel a lot better somehow!” She added.

“Me too, Pinkie! Me too…” Dan responded.

“Riiight…” Wally responded, slightly unnerved by the scene in front of him. “Could you two maybe…wash your faces…and bake?” He asked tentatively. “And stay, far, far away from the front counter?” He added. “We’re beginning to run low on everything, again. Also, I keep getting complaints of people finding clothing in their orders.”

Pinkie enthusiastically rose to her feet, bringing Dan up with her. “Bake! Yes! That thing I came here to do! I can do that!”

“And I like the idea of not having to talk to anyone.” Dan added cheerily.

Wally breathed a sigh of relief as Dan and Pinkie walked past him, Pinkie’s gauze wrapped hand still firmly holding Dan’s. “Thanks, you two.” He said.

“No problem!” Pinkie said joyfully. “No problem at all.”

Wally grabbed his handkerchief out of his pocket and dabbed at his forehead. 

Why is it that the explosive business somehow seemed safer?

*

“So!” Dan asked, as he added a couple eggs to a mixing bowl. “Has the cavernous hole in your soul been filled yet?”

Pinkie giggled. “Overfilled, in fact.” She answered as she placed a cherry atop a rainbow frosted cupcake. “Still! I’m happy I can drag you kicking and screaming into my world for a change…” 

Pinkie gasped as she felt hands slowly brush against her sides and arms encircle her abdomen, quickly followed by a body pressed against her back and a head leaning against hers.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Dan whispered into Pinkie’s ear.

Pinkie blushed a luminescent shade of red and placed her bandaged hands on Dan’s. “Dan?” She asked sweetly.

“Yes, Pinkie?”

“Is the back of my shirt now covered in flour and frosting?” She asked, maintaining her sweet tone.

Dan chuckled. “Unquestionably.” He answered.

Pinkie turned in Dan’s grip and raised a hand to his cheek. “And what do you intend to do about that?” She asked, batting sultry eyes at Dan.

Dan grinned wide. “I suppose I could always take it off for you.”

Pinkie leaned in closer. “I suppose I could always let you…” She responded.

“Uh, hey guys?” Crunchy asked from the kitchen entrance.

Pinkie groaned loudly as Dan let go of her and turned, scrunching his eyes and brow together as far they could possibly go and holding the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. 

“YES, Cripple…what is it?” Dan asked, as an angry, veiny eye shot open and shot laser beams of hate in the Hippies direction.

“I was on the phone with this dude, and he wanted to know if we took big orders or not, and I sorta just said ‘yes’…” Cruncy said, holding out a piece of paper. 

Dan snatched the paper. “Great! Now, be gone, minion! Less I feed you to the sharkticons!” Dan threatened in a dramatic tone.

“Aye, aye sir!” Crunchy said, disappearing out of the kitchen once more.

“We have sharkticons?” Pinkie asked, giggling to herself.

“I’m working on it!” Dan insisted. 

Pinkie took a glance at the paper in Dan’s hand and her smile plummeted into a watery pit where it was frantically consumed by the sharkticons of alarm and concern. 

“Uh, Dan? There are zeros after some of these numbers…As in more than one.” Pinkie pointed out.

Dan’s angry expression, likewise, was savagely attacked by the same mechanical beasts that had shredded Pinkie’s expression as he looked down at the paper.

“Still just overfilled?” Dan remarked shooting a glare at Pinkie.

Pinkie sighed. “I think the hole is a distant memory under an ocean of crushing fulfillment.” 

Dan walked back towards his mixing bowl and began adding ingredients at a fevered pace. “You’re lucky I like you so much.” He muttered angrily.

Pinkie turned back to her cupcakes and began quickly topping them with bright red cherries. “I know.” She said with a smile. “I’m the luckiest girl in the whole world.” She said, smiling at Dan.

Dan’s grumpy expression gave way to a smile. 

The things I do for love…