Griffin the Griffin

by BlackWing

Explanation (9)

I walked through the market, picking up all the fruits and veggies I needed,

'Well, now I've gone and done it. I just made Pinkie and Rainbow cry, although Pinkie crying wasn't really my fault, and she did look happier when I said I forgave her. I'm a brony, but the first thing I did when I came across the mane six is make them feel bad. What the hell is wrong with me? I guess maybe seeing it in real life takes some of the shine out of it. Now that I've seen them face to face, instead of being some kind of idol, they're just regular people, ponies, whatever. I should probably apologize.'

As I walked through town, I came across Carousel Boutique, home of my least favorite of the mane six, Rarity. I always thought of her as stuck up. Element of generosity.... sure, she's generous, but what she gives, other than her tail that one time, is nothing to her. What does she know about sacrifice, giving up something important to her for someone else? Oh well, I'll at least try to keep my manners.

"Welcome to Carousel Boutique were everything is sleek, chique, and magnifique, how may I help...... you......" The white unicorn said her welcome, but stared and trailed off when she saw me walking in.

'Great, she's racist too. Well, good luck Spike, you'll need it.'

"I'm not really sure. I met some ponies earlier today, and well, I said some things I shouldn't have. I kinda want to apologize, but I'm not sure where I can find them. Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash? I heard you were their friend. While I know Pinkie will be at the bakery, I have no idea where the rainbow one went."

"I'm right here." Dash said, stepping out from the back.

'Rainbow Dash in Rarity's shop? What the heck would she be doing here? Well, at least that saves me the trouble of hunting her down.'

"Listen, about earlier, I...."

"You're MEAN!" She didn't even let me apologize.

"I'm mean? You called me a girl, tackled me, did something highly inappropriate while trying to knock me out, called me ugly, then made fun of my name. I've never seen you before, and you fly at me with a physical, verbal, and sexual assault. I came here to apologize, maybe get you something to make up for it, but at the rate you're going, I'm about to change my mind." Now let Rarity chew her friend out.

"You kept egging me on!" She defended herself.

"Hmm, yeah, but I never once insulted you. I teasingly called you sweetheart, and tried making light of the compromising situation we found ourselves in. The entire time, you never thought about how I felt, so yeah, I blew my fuse."

"You make Pinkie cry!" As we kept shooting points back and forth, Rarity kept looking between us, wondering what the other would say in their defence.

"I did nothing of the sort. I made her promise not to laugh at my name, because it's a soft spot for me. She promised, and then she broke her promise. Griffin the griffin? Do you have any idea how awkward it is for me during introductions?"

"Well, that's still no reason to be rude darling." Rarity stated.

"Have you ever been beaten half to death after your so-called friends betray you, then leave you in a ditch to die? Have you ever walked home two miles on a broken leg in a rainstorm, up to your ankles in mud? Has anyone ever tried to drown you by dunking your head in a freshly used toilet? Have you ever gone to a formal gathering, only to have other guests rip your clothes off you to embarrass you? Things may be all sunshine, lollipops and rainbows around here, but it's nowhere close in the rest of the world."

"What do you mean?" Rainbow asked.

"My friend was a slave to the diamond dogs, her family is still trapped underground, hauling gems for them. She hasn't seen her mother in years. The dogs don't have any choice either, because if they don't come up with enough gems, they all get eaten by dragons, and THEY don't have any choice, or they starve. You've got your precious princesses to protect you, you know who we griffins have? NOBODY. I guess it makes me just a little bit pissed off, and then I come here. I saw the look you gave me when I came in. I get the same look from everypony I pass. The look that says, 'What are YOU doing here?' The look telling me to go away and never come back, just because of what I am. I'm just sick of putting up with all the merde I keep getting, and it makes me grumpy. Get it?" I hung my head as they looked at me in shock of the recent revelation.

Rarity thought back to how she had been captured by the diamond dogs, and the thought of ripping the clothes off somepony was unbearable. Rainbow thought about why Gilda might have been so mean, did she have family, trapped in the mines? She never saw Gilda's parents, and assumed she didn't have any. Rainbow asked Rarity what I meant by merde, and she whispered that it meant I was tired of all this bullshit, but I was trying to be polite.

"Just what is that thing on your back?" Rarity asked, trying to break the tension. "It's beautiful, but ominous at the same time."

"It's my weapon, a cross between a sword, hammer, ax, and shield. It's made from the scale of the black dragon I killed. It tried to eat me and my friend, so I pulled a scale out of it's arm, flew down it's throat, and choked it to death."

"That's terrible!" Rarity exclaimed.

"Yeah, well, when you've been drenched in your own blood all your life, pretty soon you start fighting back. We got attacked by Diamond Dogs while her wounds were still healing, and I killed them without batting an eye. THIS is why I didn't want to be Pinkie Pie's friend. Look at her. She's happy, she laughs. Stealing someones laughter is the worst crime you can commit, because when you stop being happy, you stop being alive. Even though griffins struggle everyday, they still have their pride. These are OUR burdens, and we will not force them on someone else and steal their smile."

"Then why are you telling us this?" Rainbow asked.

"Because I want you to think the next time you're about to insult a griffin. You have no idea what they've been through."

"You didn't seem too upset before." Dash spat back.

"Because when you live like I do, you either get a sense of humor, or you fall into misery. The griffins are living in misery, and I intend to get them out of it or die trying. Have you ever felt hopeless? Because there is an entire nation, their number's dwindled down to under 7000, feeling hopeless. Countless more held as slaves in Gem Fido, all of them hoping they don't get eaten by dragons. They are kept from their friends and family. Griffins like to fly as much as pegasi do, but they will never see the light of the sun or the open air again. It's like having your wings cut off."

Rainbow gulped, opening her plumed limbs, taking a nervous look at them before putting them back.

"Sorry I ruined your day, I'll just be getting the last of my things and be on my way."

I walked out of the boutique and headed for the iconic library tree. I felt a little better after apologizing to Dash, who had finally been given an indirect explanation for Gilda's behaviour, and Pinkie who was happier since I had forgiven her. Rarity was still trying to wrap her mind around how the entire griffin species was reduced to slaves while the princesses did nothing about it, and started to wonder how many of her imported gems were the products of slave labour.

"Hello, oh um........." Twilight looked at me, standing in her doorstep.

'Not her too. Seriously? Is everyone gonna give me that look? Fine, let's see how she likes this.'

*Crrrraaaccckkk*

'The snapping of bones is so satisfying. I had that kink in by neck for the past week. Comes from sleeping on dirt. Too bad we couldn't find any good clouds until recently.'

Twilight visibly shuddered. It seems this entire world has joint cracking as a pet peeve. It snapped her out of her trance though, as she continued.

"How can I help you?" She asked sweetly, although trying to avoid eye contact.

"I'm looking for some books."

"Title? Author?" She asked, hoping I would hurry up, get what I needed, and leave.

"Content." I replied, not knowing of any book titles or writers. "I need books on Diamond Dogs, the Feline Jungle, Volcanic Wastes, the Ring sea, applied chemistry, herbology and potion making, metallurgy, and gem craft, as well as a non unicorn guide to magic."

"Ehm, that's quite a list........" She said nervously. Me being a griffin putting her off.

'Okay, time for some charm.'

"From the sign outside, you live here in the library, and organize these books yourself. I'm sure someone as talented as you, living in a storehouse of knowledge, can handle it." Twilight is one of my favorites. She's just like me. She's logical, precise, has OCD, is socially inept, until recently was a shut in, and likes to think a problem through before tackling it because she's afraid of failure. She's basically me as a female without my bad attitude.

Twilight blushed at the compliment. Realizing that I had an appreciation for books put her at ease. I'd often spend time in my local library, learning all those things geeks learn, so I was no stranger to pages and bindings. She seemed to lower her guard a bit, and went off to find the texts I asked for.

"What's that thing?" I heard a voice ask. I already knew who it was, Spike.

"Sword made of dragon scale."

"How'd ya get it?" He asked.

"Dragon ate me, but I'm really chewy. He swallowed me whole and choked." I figured I'd try and be funny. Spike knows what it's like to be a doormat, and I happen to be particularly fond of his 'go get em' attitude despite all that. He let out a bit of a laugh, the thought of me being 'chewy' to a creature who could grind diamonds to dust with it's teeth being too much.

"Here you are, so, um, how long will you be checking these out for?" Twilight asked as she returned, levitating a large number of books. I scanned through them, putting what I actually needed, practical knowledge, in a smaller pile while pushing the rest off to the side.

"They for sale?"

"Um, no. Only for lending. Sorry. What do you need these for anyways?" She asked.

"I'm a traveler, and these will be useful in my travels. Please don't kill me with questions." I replied packing the books into my backpack.

"Why would I do that?" She asked.

'Shit, well, time to tell the truth, and make it so ridiculous that she'll never believe it. Then use the confusion to escape with the goods. She'll be thinking about this one for the next year.'

"No reason. No reason at all. I am a completely normal, average, everyday, uninteresting griffin, and definitely not an interdimensional alien in disguise." I said, purposefully using a bad poker face.

"Wait, WHAT?" She exclaimed, stunned. I cleared my throat, and in my best imitation of Yu-Gi-Oh abridged's Marik, said,

"Ignoooooore me!", as I ran out the door and took to the sky. I flew as fast as I could to my meeting place with Gilda, who I found resting on a cloud above Sweet Apple Acres.

"Hey Twi...." Spike asked, poking the purple mare.

"Yes Spike?" Twilight asked.

"You do realize that he just stole those books, right?"

"Okay Gilda, time to move!" I said as I pushed her off the cloud, interrupting her nap.

"What's the big idea moron?" She snapped as she woke up, clearly annoyed.

"We need to make ourselves scarce. In a few minutes I'm going to have a very angry unicorn chasing me because I just stole some books from her. Forget Canterlot, we're headed east to the shore, then due south to Stalliongrad."

We flew till we reached the ocean, then headed south till night fell. After we got some dinner, and set up the clam bucket, we finally got to talking.

"So just what happened in Ponyville?" Gilda asked.

"Well, I got bombarded with questions by Pinkie Pie, who became all depressed because she promised not to laugh at my name and did. Then I got tackled by Rainbow Dash, who thought I was you. Then she accidentally molested me. Then she called me ugly. I blew up at her, and she flew off crying. Felt like kind of an ass afterwards, so I went into the snob's house to buy her something frilly, which she would probably hate given her personality, and found she was already there. Then I explained both of our attitudes to her, without me giving you away. Finally, I picked up some practical knowledge on where we're headed, and since I couldn't take the books with me, I made the librarian spaz out by indirectly telling her that I'm an alien, using the resulting confusion to escape with the goods."

"Geez, in a single day, you turned the most important ponies in that dump on their heads." Gilda laughed.

"Yep, and I also learned that while I can take care of big enemies, small fast ones are a problem for me. Dash threw me for a loop. Turns out, she's actually pretty skilled in one on one combat."

"Yeah, she is a black belt in karate after all." She reminded me.

'Oh yeah, back in the episode before Applebloom joined the crusaders, Dash was trying to teach her martial arts. Wow, how did I not remember that?'

"If I can get taken down by that pony, there's no way I'm in any shape to deal with a nest of dogs. From now on, we've gotta spar daily, build up strength and hone our skills. I'm good with Hades as is, because I practiced kendo on a rare occasion, (one of my geek friends was into that, and we sparred a couple times before he found out I was a brony), and played way too much monster hunter."

"What's that?" She seemed intrigued.

"Its a game where you go around killing dragons, sea serpents, and whatever else is unlucky enough to get in your way."

"You mean you've done this kind of thing before?" She seemed shocked. "I thought you didn't have dragons in your world."

"Because it's not real, it takes place on a screen. You've seen movies right?" She shook her head no.

"Okay, then, think of it like a controlled, group hallucination. You take on the role of a character, and with up to four other people with you, undertake massive hunts, controlling the body from a third person perspective. I learned how to fight with this thing by watching the motions of my character. You don't have direct control, more like giving commands from afar."

"That's way too confusing." She said holding her head.

"Just think of it like this, I've watched over a thousand stage performances of armed combat, performed by professional fighters. Eventually, you pick up on it. Using it myself, there were some key differences between real life and the game, but humans are adaptable, and we pick up on things quickly. Take any job, no matter how complex. Make a human do it over and over for an entire month. By the end of the month, he'll be a master at it. That's the problem. There is nothing we can't overcome with a little effort, so next to nothing is WORTH the effort. When you excel without even trying, life get's boring. We're too good for our own good. I expect in two months I'd be able to beat Rainbow in unarmed combat, if I do it every day. I'm not sure how Equestrian karate differs from earth karate, but just by watching her I could see she was full of openings. I couldn't get in those openings, because my body and reactions are too slow, but I could see them easily."

"So, even you aren't perfect." Gilda said with a huff.

"Nobody is. I'm just better at getting close."

Dear Princess Luna

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Sincerely, Griffin.