"And here is where you'll sleep!"
Twilight forced a jittery cheerfulness into her voice as she showed me my room. I nodded and placed my one possession, my belt and sheath, on the dresser.
"I'll...leave you to settle in." She nervously withdrew.
"Wes." Zecora stepped up beside me. "How are you doing?" I sighed and slowly walked out of the library. Twilight had discovered I needed somewhere to stay and asked that I live with her. As an apology, of sorts. I had accepted, trying to assuage her feelings of guilt, but I still found it hard to face her. My own feelings of fear and anguish kept surfacing, and the crystal seemed to be boring a hole in my chest. We stepped outside and I led Zecora down one of the small streets, enjoying the sun and letting it relax my muscles.
"The funny thing is, Zecora, I'm not even angry at her for attacking me." I paused for a minute. "I mean, sure, it's not like I'm happy about it, but...it was an honest mistake. She thought she was protecting Apple Bloom." I sighed again, but Zecora didn't say anything. "This might sound stupid, but I never considered holding a grudge. I probably should care a bit more, but...well, death has been a fact of my life for so long it didn't even register I should’ve been angry. I just thought, 'Oh, a fatal wound. Looks like I didn't make it after all.' I mean, not that I didn't care, it just isn't....Oh, I don't know. But I'm not angry at her."
"Have you told her this?" Zecora's voice was mildly reproving.
"I've tried. But there's more. You've seen the gem in my chest, right? You know what it is?"
"Fell, fierce, dark and dangerous, magic that should never see the light of day."
"Oh, that's all correct, and more. But it was forced on me, and I saw the whole thing played out. They killed a pony to make it, Zecora. They killed him in front of me, and I got to watch as his life-force was drained into the gem. I've never gotten over that. I've always felt him, hanging around my shoulders, the weight of a life that shouldn't have been ended. I carry it with me."
"His death was not your fault."
"Hah. You think I don't know? Tell that to my heart, Zecora. It's not enough for me to say to myself, 'Wes, you're not at fault, Twilight isn't going to die, you won't end up carrying her...her soul around for countless years...' My heart doesn't listen. Whenever I see her, I flash back to that room. I can feel the cold steel of the manacles and every swirling emotion like it was yesterday."
We walked in silence for a bit.
"Wes, you seem to be a good person."
"Thank you, Zecora. I do try, although you've done more for me than I can ever repay."
"Freely given, Wes. But that is not my point. You are a good person. So is Twilight. Don't avoid her, Wes. You two are drawn together, at least for now. If you surrender to your feelings and take the easy way, you will never heal your fear. More than that, your friendship would help Twilight forgive herself. That mare holds herself to a higher standard than anypony else could. What she did...it’s breaking her up inside. She needs healing as much as you, and your acceptance and forgiveness can do a lot towards starting that."
I nodded slowly. "Thanks, Zecora. I'll try."
"Good. Now, let us return. I do believe they are making lunch."
"So, your name is Wesley?"
I nodded. I was being introduced to a small purple and green dragon. He wore an apron.
"And you're here because Twilight hurt you, and wanted to apologize."
I nodded again.
"Well, I'm Spike. I'm Twilight's number one assistant! If you need to find anything around here, just ask me."
"Spike, stop bothering Wesley!" Twilight pulled him away. "Sorry." She laughed nervously. "I tell him not to be a bother, but..." She gathered up the dishes from the meal and they quickly retreated. I sighed. He hadn't been a bother. I would have liked talking to him, if only for the company of someone I could comfortably look in the eyes.
I lay my forehead on the table and tried to think. Twilight was avoiding me. I didn't feel confident enough to talk to her anyways. I needed to say something, but didn't know what.
Was interpersonal stuff always this hard? I'd never been a particularly outgoing person, preferring my own company in high school. The habit only got worse in college, where even my roommate barely saw me. At least all the friends I did have, I’d been close to. I'd made friends with Splinter, but we’d been forced together. How was I supposed to convey my feelings to Twilight? I had no idea what to say, and I choked up when I tried to say anything at all!
CRAAAAASH!
I was knocked out of my contemplations when the door to the library was blasted open. Something slammed into my side, flipping me out of my chair and plastering me against the wall. The bookshelves hurt. I collapsed in a heap. That should have hurt more, but I landed on something soft and...blue?
"Ow, ow, ow. Sorry about that," a rough voice apologized from the bottom of the pile.
A blue pegasus pony with a flamboyant rainbow mane had slammed through the door and into me. Now I was sprawled on top of her, in a pile on the floor.
"Hey, get off me, Twilight!"
"Um..."
There was a blur and the pony under me was gone.
"You're not Twilight!" She stood over me, and poked me with a hoof. "You… You're the guy who...! Alright, come with me." Showing surprising strength, she grabbed my shirt in her teeth and started to drag me from the room. I scooted along the floor for a short way, before scrambling to my feet. She let go as I did; it was either that, or end up hanging from my collar.
"What is up with you?" I asked, mildly annoyed. "First you bust in and slam me into a bookshelf, and now you're dragging me off? Who are you, even?"
"Oh, right. I guess you wouldn't have heard of me yet, being new in town and all, but I'm Rainbow Dash! Fastest flyer in all of Equestria, weather mare extraordinaire and one of Twilight's good friends. Now come on!" She trotted out the door, leaving me behind. I almost let her go, content to sit and mope a bit more, but curiosity urged me forward and I followed.
She was standing in the road, waiting for me, her hooves spread and head down. My memory flashed; I'd seen that before, but where?
"Alright, let's do this. Right here, right now, no holds barred."
Suddenly, I remembered. Splinter had used that stance when he was fighting. I blinked and she was gone. I blinked again and I was on the ground, two hoofprints on my chest.
"Wait, wait!" I yelled, rolling backwards and springing to my feet. "I don't think this is a good idea."
"Why not?" She dipped to the left and I turned to follow. "Afraid? Don't want to hit a mare?"
"No, I-"
"You seemed willing enough the other day. Willing enough to draw a knife on one of my friends!"
"But I-"
"Shut up and pony up! Either you're going to fight me, or I'm going to beat you black and blue!" Another kick connected. I managed to block this one, but the force behind it almost staggered me. I took a step back and made my decision.
I wasn't really afraid of getting hurt, although I undoubtedly would be. Rather, I was afraid that if I went into this, I wouldn't be able to hold myself back. I'd spent nearly a year, day in and day out, fighting for my life. Every single blow I'd landed in those fights had been aimed to kill or maim. I hadn't held back anything. Maybe when Twilight had surprised me things would have worked out better if I hadn't attacked her without thinking. Deliberately picking a fight seemed foolish; my brain only had two settings. Peace, and full-auto. No 'stun'.
Another blow brought me back to the present. I wasn't being given a choice. How could I resolve this, without grievous bodily harm to either of us?
Fine, I thought, giving in. I wasn't going to just stand and take this. I steeled my concentration and got my head in the game. I started off with a few punches and counters. Rainbow backed off a bit, as I ruthlessly exploited any opening to land telling body blows. They were fierce, but I did my best to avoid her internal organs, windpipe and arteries, tempting as they were.
I could tell fighting against my instincts was affecting my speed. Several times, she managed to return blows through my defense. She obviously had some training, and probably from a better teacher. Still, I had experience and a very, very well defined sense of what my body could take before it started to break. I'd stress tested it, after all.
The exchange soon started to tell on both of us. My breathing grew ragged, and her quips and witty banter stopped. I was only slightly surprised when she flapped her wings, breaking off to leap into the sky.
Stupid wings. They're almost as bad as magic. I'd been handily beaten several times by changelings who knew how to utilize the high ground.
At least she didn't have a ranged weapon. If she decided to drop stuff I was sunk. I promptly turned my back on her and dashed for a nearby house. I planted my back against it and looked up.
She was diving for me, but pulled up short when she realized what I was doing. She couldn't gather momentum if I stayed near obstacles.
That didn't stop her from using hit-and-run, though. She was a much better flier than any of the changelings I'd fought, just not as battle-trained. She could turn on a dime and lash out with any of her four hooves. Soon, she was raining blows on me as she swooped and dipped just over my head. I blocked as best I could and waited for an opening.
I'd learned to deal with an opponent who was faster or had longer reach by closing in. Nothing gets closer than grappling. Her eyes popped wide as I grabbed a hoof and yanked her out of the sky.
"Fingers!" I yelled, wrapping my arms around her and slamming us both onto the ground. She struggled, but I'd done this to changelings half-again my weight and won, while she had never fought a two-armed opponent. I had her pinned, one arm blocking her wings and one fist jabbing in to crush her throat when I realized what I was doing.
I was off her so fast, it might have looked like a teleport. I focused for a second, trying to calm my breathing, but it did no good. That was a killing blow! I'd almost suffocated her!
She lay on the ground for a second, before rolling over and pushing herself to her feet. She looked pretty bedraggled, feathers out of place and dirt and dust staining her sky-blue coat. She coughed once or twice.
"That...that was AWESOME!" she said, shaking like a dog and flapping.
I stood dumbstruck.
"Wh-what?"
"Man, you really know how to fight! Spike said you went all pony-fu on Twilight, but I didn't believe it! Man, you're good!" She bounced up on her back feet, and shadow-boxed for a second. "What style was that? I've never seen those moves!"
"Um...are you OK?" I asked tentatively, still not confident I'd managed to keep my self control.
"I'm fine." She said, snorting dismissively. "I take worse trying out stunts." She took a step forward, and winced. "Ok, maybe that will bruise. But I'm fine. Now, seriously, where did you learn to fight like that?" She walked up to me, and stared up into my face. Her magenta eyes were filled with eagerness, and she was just a little too close for comfort.
"Umm, that's a long story..."
"Ok, ok. Let's go find somewhere to chillax. I'll buy you a drink."
I eyed her for a second, and then slowly nodded. She was insane. But at least she was friendly.
"...and that's why I'm living at Twilight's."
She had slowly worked the whole story of my imprisonment out of me. Although I had been reluctant at first, it did feel good to tell someone everything. Rainbow and I sat on a hillside, a carton of cider bottles on the grass between us. Rainbow picked another one up, twisting the top off with her teeth.
"Wow, dude."
"Yeah, that's how I feel sometimes. I mean, seriously..." I tapped the gem through my shirt, making a 'clink clink' sound. "I would have considered magic about as real as...as UFO's, or Bigfoot, if you'd told me about it a year ago. And now, well, here I am."
"Wait, you don't know about UFO's?"
I looked at her incredulously for a second, before she burst into laughter, rolling over backwards and waving her hooves in the air.
"-hooh hooh hah! Man, you should have seen your face!" She sat back up, and took another pull on her cider. "Seriously though, you need to talk to Twilight."
"Yeah, you're right. I mean, I know I do, but...it's hard, you know?" I said. She nodded somberly.
"Yeah, I know. Feelings suck, dude."
"Yeah," I snorted in response. I stood, gathering my bottles. "Anyways, thanks, Rainbow. It was a lot of fun talking with you, but it's starting to get dark and I have no idea when supper is." I stretched, wincing at bruises. I was still getting used to the idea of feeling sore. It had been a long time since any sort of mark stayed on my body, but I liked the idea. It was proof I was moving forward, away from the arena.
"Hey, no problem. We'll have to do this again sometime. I really enjoyed that match we had." I flinched at the idea.
"Um, like I said..."
"Right, right, don't trust your instincts, yadda yadda, but seriously. How are you going to get better if you don't practice? And dude, you can totally get better. I plan to. If you're just going to sit on your haunches, I'm going to kick your flank next time." She nodded once, and winged her way into the sky.
I laughed nervously and headed back towards town, walking slowly and enjoying the night air, mulling what she'd said. Did I want to continue to practice fighting? Should I continue, even if I wanted to? I'd gotten these skills, such as they were, in the most ignoble way possible, fighting and killing in a filthy, disgraceful manner for evil masters with evil purposes. Maybe they were better off forgotten. Would I even need them in this peaceful little town?
Lost in thought, I walked through the library door and tripped over a pile of books.
The inside of the Golden Oaks library looked like a hurricane had swept through. Books were piled everywhere, many of them open, or with multiple bookmarks. Several hung in the center of the room, enveloped in Twilight's magic. The unicorn herself, looking somewhat frazzled, sat in the middle. She mumbled to herself, taking notes with three quills simultaneously.
I walked over to Spike, who was re-shelving a book, and tapped him on the shoulder.
"What's all this about?" I asked quietly, trying not to draw attention.
"All night study session." He replied, yawning tiredly. "She does this whenever she can't figure something out. She has no concept of 'taking it easy' and does everything like her life depends on it. Of course, for her, the best way to find answers is to check a book, so...yeah. This is how she is in a knowledge crisis. Study till you drop."
"Oh." I stood for a minute, trying to take the whole scene in. "Um, is this about..." I trailed off, and tapped my chest.
"Yeah, I think so. It started with crystals and magic permittivity. Her research has gone off the deep end, though. I'm just about lost. I mean, emotive tensors? What the hay do emotive tensors have to do with megaswirl engram absorption? They can't even interact! I mean, maybe if you used a widderspindle, but...no, that wouldn't work." The little dragon shook his head. "Anyways, I need to get her this." He pulled another book of the shelf. "She's done with volume nine. There's soup on the stove, if you want some."
I nodded my thanks, and picked my way around the outside of the mess, re-considering my first impression of Spike. The dragon was obviously more intelligent that I'd first guessed. although to be fair, I hadn't talked to him much. Then again, I guess you don't work with someone like Twilight without picking up a few things.
The soup was corn chowder. I ate slowly and headed to bed. Maybe tomorrow I'd have a chance to talk to my host.