//------------------------------// // Existential Crisis and Draconequus // Story: Devious Days with The Devil's Daughter // by EveningShadows //------------------------------// We sat there, in the waiting room, for security to show up. I guess... Oh yeah and the psychologist. But really that was more of an after-thought. I couldn't help but think that robbing this place or going on a rampage would be unrewardingly easy. Maybe that's how they kept the place safe. No that's absurd... Well, you know what, maybe that's why it works. This wait was bad! Gods below! I decided I'd take my new master-of-my-own-fate idea and run with it. So I stood up, dusted myself off, and marched to the secretary. "Excuse me, Ms?" The secretary continued her paper work, in a way to focused way. I looked at her name tag. "Ms. Whiteheart?" She sighed. I guess she figured she couldn't avoid us any longer. "How can I help you." It wasn't really a question. Well. Okay, it was a full on statement. One of those 'Get away from me/I've been in customer service way to long' statements. You've all heard it. I know you have. Yes, I'm talking to you odd, furless cretins-from-the-great-beyond. I decided to reply sweetly. Yes, yes I know I'm The-Highfalutin-Goddess-of-Strife. But there's something we gods know about that you mortals may not have heard. Don't mess in other pony's bailiwick. See when Big Baddies/Goodies get in fights its usually because somepony got uppity and decided to go mess with somepony else's bailiwick. See that's why Nightmare Moon failed. She invaded auntie tia's bailiwick. And nopony can win against someone with far more know-how. Even know-how beats power. So, uh, anyway. You mortals have made one crazy bailiwick for yourselves. And yes. I'm going to keep using that word until it sticks in your head and you understand it. Also... I like it... Its like the most complex word I know so I've gotta use it... Anyway... Its called bureaucracy. May gods greater than me help us all. It makes me shiver. Now don't get me wrong I've caused some great strife with The-Bailiwick-of-Bureaucracy but damn. My effort doesn't come close to the great mass of suffering, despair, and strife you mortals have created with that magic red tape. Its just so complicated! I mean why would you do this to yourselves?! Aren't your lives short enough without paperwork?! Oh the tragedy! . . . Eh... you bucks can suffer. Idiots. I have no idea where I am in my life right now... Oh yeah! I decided to reply sweetly, 'cus I knew that this miss wasn't just a secretary, she was a bureaucrat. And I don't mess with The-Bailiwick-of-Bureaucracy! (fear it). . . I reply sweetly, "Yes, some help would be lovely," gag me with a spoon, "I've been waiting for some help for my pet over there. I'm sure you remember. Kind of loopy. He really needs a psychologist. And I was just hoping for, I don't know, an ETA on when we might get some help?" "Did you fill in the sign in sheet?" ...that smile... "Err... No?" "Gotta fill in the sign in sheet." She had a barely hidden smirk. 'Oooo I'm wanna rip those snarky teeth out!' "Thanks..." I didn't sound thankful. "Can I borrow a quill and some ink?" Soo I had a though. I'm gonna do that subtle thing. Later. you'll see. I plopped down next to my dad and my pet groaning, "Gotta do the sign in sheet before we can get help." Dissy laughed at me, my pet sighed. "Uh... first question. What's your name?" "Oh its--" "AH-BUH-BUH!" We both looked at Discord. He had a... face... on... yeah. "You know Eris, since he's your pet you get to name him." Err... "But, uh, Dad he's already got a name. What if he doesn't like to the new one?" "PET?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN PET?!" We both swiveled to look at my human. He... also had a... face... on. Yeah... Not really sure what to call it. Kinda angry. Little confusion. Some weirdness goin' on in that area too... No clue what that is... Uh, anyway flat-faces, I'm, err, sorry about the lame narration. Kinda got a weird thing happening... You know what? I'm going to call it wonky! His face was wonky! That's... that's a word, right? I guess Dissy had been waiting for me to explain but I think he got impatient seeing as he started speaking an' all. "Yes, you are my Hearth's Warming Eve present to my daughter. Her pet." "Is that what this stupid fucking collar is for?!" He said, as he slipped a thumb under his awesome collar, tugged it away from his neck, and kinda pointed it at us. He was fuming, it was a little scary. Not that he could do any damage, but still. I looked between my dad and my human, biting my lip from nerves. I didn't mean to look but I noticed that the ponies around me were very focused on their clipboards and magazines. My human was glaring daggers at my dad, right across from me. That was fun to be in the middle of. "Uh, guys... lets just calm down for a minute. Ya know? Chillax?" I'm not proud to admit it but that last word came out a little squeaky. Oh shut up you noodle buckers. Yeah, that's right, I know what you do with those weird arm tentacles. Its disgusting. You should be ashamed of yourselves and each other. . . . Sorry about that noodle buckers, that was a bit mean. It was just... I'm stressed, kay? Thank you Dues ex Machina! My human laid back against his chair with a huff, and Dissy leaned back with a silent smile, which again thanks a ton, he didn't show my human. We sat there silently for many many minutes. Wait. How do you even point a collar? That doesn't seem like a thing... Come on Eris, lets move on, we've seen weirder. I sighed and started back on that form. It look a while. I wont bore you with the details. Needless to say your beautiful and patient narrator finished the damn thing! Well, almost. I taped at the name line thinking... and then it came to me. Like a lighthouse to sailors! Or sailors to a brothel! Entropy! I shall dub thee Entropy! My loyal pet! He was glaring at the wall facing away from me. We'll get there eventually. I'm sure. Pretty sure. I sighed at the ceiling and closed my eye. Paperwork really takes it out of a chaos spirit. "Hey that's not half bad." I opened my eyes and sure enough, there was the Newly-Dubbed-Entropy staring at his Newly-Dubbed-Name. "I guess if I really am stuck to a chaos-demon-thingy I'll take it." I glared at him, "Draconequus." I said in what I meant to be a harsh tone but it came out a lot softer than it should've been. I couldn't stay irked though. I sit for a moment before I realize something. He actually like it! *SQUEE* internal. That was an internal squee. Don't even doubt it! Entropy was looking at me with a raised eyebrow... Totally smooth Eris... I coughed into my hand, which earned a chuckle from him. I ignored him. As well as my dad peering over my shoulder. "So you really like it?" "Yeah I think I do." "So does that mean you'll be my loyal pet!" It... didn't come out as a question... Way. Way to excited. Dammit Eris pull it together! He just raised his eyebrow. "Uh. Yeah. About that... Does that mean you're trying to make me your slave or something?" I wasn't quite sure how to respond to that one. So I glanced over at Dissy. Luckily he took the lead. "Not really Entropy. A pet and a slave are two different things. Your pet dog isn't a slave for example." Well that oddly makes sense. I actually wasn't expecting much help, more like convenient stalling. "Okay but I would still be property, right?" I chimed in, not wanting my dad to ruin his sense making streak. "Well yeah, I mean, technically." I didn't think he'd like that answer... He hmmmed. "So basically you've gotta feed, cloth, and take care of me right? Do I get a healthcare plan?" "Uh... I guess?" "And I need dental." "Kay..." "And an allowance." "Uh... I don't think this is how this whole pet thing is supposed to go." Needless to say I felt a little off balance. "Tough shit," I smiled at me, "I'm supposed to be passing around a Christmas ham not sitting around in a hospital with my crazy demon kidnappers." Who smiles when they say plop like that?! We sat in silence for a while longer. I had no idea what to say to him. I mean, he is my pet. Maybe I can get one of those fancy shock collars with the electric gems. More silence. I guess it'd have to be me who breaks it. "So..." The silence started to fill back in but I pressed ahead. "Are you going to hate being my pet? Are you going to hate me?" He looked me right in the eyes and said, "Are you going to take me home?" I wanted to look away. I saw something in those eyes that made me feel... not great. I don't know what to call it, but I steeled myself and held eye contact. I gave him a sad smile, "I don't know the way." It was true. I've never been great with dimension jumping. He looked over to Discord, "And you? You know the way home." "Not a chance, kid." He groaned and leaned back in his chair. I looked over at him and saw him doing that thing where he pinches his nose. I put my claw on his knee and squeezed it softly. He didn't react. But he didn't tell me to move so I kept my hand there offering my support. We sat there with more silence. I was surprised when Entropy actually spoke up, "Can I still sue you if you beat me or something? And would that fall under animal cruelty laws or assault laws?" "I have no idea how to answer those questions..." I looked to Discord. He shook his head. "We'll have to talk to a lawyer. If I'm stuck here as your pet I want to know where I stand." "We can do that!" I half-yelled. He flinched. Who~ops. I grinned sheepishly at him. "So..." I hesitated. "You're really okay with being a pet?" He glanced at me and rolled his eyes. "Not like I have any choice in the matter... but if if means I never have to work another day in my life then maybe it'll work out." *SQUEEE!* I grabbed onto him tightly. Okay fine. I won't even try to deny that that was out loud. Dissy chuckled behind us. "C-can't bre-eath." "Oops sorry!" I let go instantly The rest of our time was mostly spent in silence. Little conversations popped up here and there but nothing important. Silly jokes were told and despite the tension we laughed together. I was weird, the three of us laughing together, instead of two of us laughing at the other. Everypony else in the hospital ignored us. Which was nice. OH! That magazine guy was a creeper! I don't even want to think about what he was reading in a hospital waiting room. *shudder* Oh also! I almost forgot! That bureaucrat ? Remember her? Anyway I put a little chaos juice in her pen. Lets just say when she has a foal there's a pretty high chance they're gonna get a cutie mark in drumming. Very, very LOUD drumming. The sound of rapid scrambling perked my ears. I looked around but I couldn't see anything. Dissy was looking at a set of double doors so I looked over there too. I'm glad I did 'cus just then the doors swung open and a large stallion burst through them. An' when I say burst I really mean it. He shot out like a cannonball. And promptly tripped. He rolled a few times and ended up in a heap with another large stallion. I'm not sure where he came from but the cannonball stallion didn't run into him or anything like that. The moment they were settled both of them stood up and took a position. I guess more like they took a pose. Cannonball was holding his head high (with a very square muzzle that screamed testosterone) and looking slightly up and to the right. His sidekick, whose muzzle was slightly less square was standing to the left and slightly further back. I refuse to tell you what pose he was holding. Needless to say it was obscene. Cannonball looked to the ground in front of him. I did the same. There was a pair of broken sunglasses. Aviators of course. His smile faltered. I gained a smile. "Security has arrived," the lead said, in that tone. "What seems to be the problem?" The secretary didn't even look up. "Its been handled. You can leave." The stallions slumped their posture and left, mumbling something about busy 'interruptions,' 'busy schedules,' and 'psych wards.' They passed a scrawnier stallion at the doorway and after some embarrassing scuffling he got through the door. "Entropy. The doctor will see you now. Entropy." "Hey that's us!" I stood up excitedly and walked over to the pony. I didn't wait to see if my fellows followed. I was surprised to notice that his eyes didn't get wider and he didn't show any form of surprise when he saw us. His frown just deepened. "Follow me," he turned and walked down the hall, also not checking to see if we followed. "You requested a psychologist correct?" "Yup that's us," I answered for him. "Great." Long shift I guess. I rolled my eyes. He didn't notice. Not much to talk about here. Nothin' really happened on the walk. We're gonna do one of those fancy-shmancy time skips I always see. ~~~~~~~TIME SKIP~~~~~~~ I still need some of that story glitter. We arrived at the doctors office. Any conversation we tried to have on the way was stifled by gloom. "Entropy for Dr. Clear Thought." The scrawny stallion announced and walked away. "Sorry about him," the doctor said to us after he was out of hearing range. A professional smile on his muzzle. "Coffee can only do so much on these long shifts. And I'm sorry about the wait. Its these family holidays, you know? Not enough staff and to many ponies trying to tie that last knot." His professional smile didn't change one bit. "Well? Sit down. What can I do for you?" "Oh that's fine. We understand it gets busy." I said before I could make a face. My pet had lifted a single eyebrow at some point. I slid into a chair. "You see its my pet here--" "Pet?" The doctor interrupted with a frown. "Why didn't you take him to the vet?" "He..." Uh........ "He's not that kind of pet." I said in the same condescending tone my father had used when he'd explained it to me. What? It was all I could think of. "Entropy why don't you take it from here?" I said blatantly passing the buck. "Oh, right. Yes, Doctor, I'm hallucinating. I need medication." "I see..." I don't think he did. "What are you seeing." He didn't miss a beat. "Horrifying monstrosities. Or demonic abominations if you prefer. I haven't really decided yet." I huffed. Discord laughed. The doctor looked confused. "Okay... Can you describe these hallucinations to me." My human turned to look me in the eyes and didn't say anything for a full two seconds. "Horns. Horse head. Lion paw. Eagle claw. Goat foot. Lizard foot. Scaly tale." He turned back to the doctor. "Its a big weird jumble. Kinda creepy." I huffed again. "Umm... right..." The doctor looked even more confused. "He thinks that we're hallucinations," I chimed in. "I see..." The doctor seemed to think for a few moments. "Well this is certainly the most interesting case I've seen in a while. Mr. Entropy can I ask you some questions?" "Feel free, doc." "Why did you let your 'hallucination' talk for so long when you got into this room?" "I... uh..." My pet's eyes widened with realization, or shock, I'm not sure." I-- I didn't think of that." "And you did hear me speaking to your friend here, yes?" "I did..." My human was deadpanning... I'm not sure if that was good or bad. "Now, Mr. Entropy, do you see this paper?" He nodded. "This is your hospital sign-in sheet. This is obviously a mare's hoofwriting. You didn't write this did you?" He was starting to shake a little, it was almost unnoticeable. "N-No." The word barely came out of him. "Right. Mr. Entropy there is no way that I nor the gentlecolt that escorted you into my office could have known your name without this sign-in sheet. You didn't tell anypony your name did you, Mr. Entropy? You just waltzed in and started yelling about hallucinations. I want you to take this paper," The doctor held the sheet out in front of him with his hoof. My human reached out with shaking hands to grasp it. "I want you to keep that paper. Its physical proof that what you are seeing is real. When ever you feel like you're hallucinating again I want you to hold it and remember today. Can you do that for me Mr. Entropy?" He nodded shakily, whispering a, "yes," as he lowered his head onto the desk. We gave him a few moments to himself. He pressed his hands onto the top of his head and scraped along his scalp, "Great... Just great." ------- We got home not long after. Dissy snapped us back. My human told us he liked to be alone during his existential crises. I wasn't sure what that meant but I sent him into a newly created side room. I made it pretty comfortable. I figured he'd need it. It also had a mini bar 'cus I figured he'd need that too. I noticed he said the word 'crises' as in plural. Had this happened to him before or something? Don't be silly Eris, that's crazy. Me and Dad spent a couple hours just hanging out. It was nice... despite the fish smell one of his stunts caused. No matter what I did I couldn't get rid of the smell. I think he was doing it on purpose just to spite me. It worked. I was spited. "Dad, you think I should check on my human?" I said after some silence filled the room. He shrugged. "He's your responsibility. Do what you thinks best." Verrry helpful Dad. And some say I lack guidance. "I guess I'll check on him. Hopefully he hasn't slit his wrists yet." I came to the door. "Entropy!" *Knock knock knock* "I'm coming in!" He didn't say anything so I just walked in. He was laying upside down on the couch. As in feet hanging over the head rest and head hanging close to the floor. There was a pretty thick blush on his cheeks. "Heyyy shmexy ladyy." Shmexy? Did he call me sexy? I didn't get my own blush. No sir-ee. "Hows it *hic* hangin'." I rolled my eyes and lost the blush I absolutely never had. "Hey Entropy. I think you stole my line." He looked down up at himself and giggled. "I shink I did." "How are you doing?" He cracked a huge grin, "I'm hangin' in there." I groaned. "Come on, dude. Be serious here." He clumsily rearranged himself on the couch, laying against the far armrest with one leg on the middle cushion and the other splayed out onto the floor. "The booze helps," he said lifting a cup up from... I don't know where... and taking a sip. Behind him or something? Bleh. Whatever. I sat on the couch next to him and squeezed him on the leg, right above the ankle. "I'll help if you let me." I said smiling at him. He smiled sadly back. "I don't guess you can shend me home?" I sighed, "No. Discord could, but I don't know the way." "Could ya try?" "Heh, sorry. I'd be kinda like throwing darts blindfolded. Except the dart board in miles wide and its not all in one place. Oh and the bulls-eye is probably underground. It's practically impossible." He groaned. "You really that eager to get away from me?" I let out a half-fake hmph. Not wanting to let him know it (only kind of) hurt. "We've had fun haven't we?" "Yeah a little. I'm still pretty pissed about the whole leaving me to sob for hours." He glared at me. "Oh yeah and the kidnapping." His glare was interrupted by a hiccup. I giggled. Covering my smile with my lion's leg I said, "Sorry about that. We really didn't think it'd last that long. Plus I didn't kidnap you." "Right." He took another sip and stared at the ceiling. We didn't talk much for a while. I got my self a drink and we just sat together as time passed us by. Eventually though a thought struck me. "So what was that sobbing about?" He was looking at the ceiling and didn't turn to look at me. "Well. How would you feel if you suddenly thought that all of your senses were lying to you?" He was looking at me now. "How would you feel if you thought you'd be a schizophrenic for the rest of your life? If the only way to know what was real and what wasn't would be taking emotion numbing, zombifying pills for the rest of your life?" He was looking into my eyes. I tried to look away but I couldn't. I was feeling something... odd nagging coming from inside me. There was a tightness in my chest and it felt like a sickness was poking its way into my heart. I don't know what to call it. It was... It was bad. I didn't like it. Not one bit. His gaze faltered and he looked down. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. "I'm... I'm still not sure this is real..." Oh gods! That feeling got worse! What is this! I have to get rid of this! It was hard but I didn't let me internal freak out show. I just pulled him close to me and gave him a tight hug. He didn't hesitate returning it just as tightly. "I'm real, Entropy. If nothing else just know that I'm real."