Peace
I made it back pretty late, but at least Fluttershy didn't suspect a thing. Seriously, it was genius. How else was I gonna see AJ when I needed to? It was genius.
I went into the cottage, but she wasn't in there. There was no sign of life. Confused, I went upstairs, calling her name. It didn't make sense. It was late at night, Fluttershy usually was asleep by now. She wasn't in her room, so now I was becoming concerned. I looked all over, finding no trace of her. Even her animals weren't around, not even Angel. It just wasn't the same without Angel giving me the evil eye.
I think he knew what I did. Not like I could do anything about it, otherwise he'd tell Fluttershy.
I looked all over the cottage again, finding nothing. Then I finally found a note on her pillow. Why would she leave me one? It was her house. Still, I grabbed it and read it.
My heart stopped.
Rainbow Dash,
If you're reading this, then yes, you noticed I'm not here. I didn't even think you'd come back at all. But in case you did come over, here you go. You're probably wondering where I am right now, but I can't tell you. Right now, I need to be alone, and I didn't feel ready to face you.
Rainbow, I know about your love for Applejack. I know you only wanted to go out with me so that you could spare me the rejection. Well, then here you go. I'm setting you free. I would have done it in person, but I wasn't ready. This is probably for the best, anyway. You tried to prevent seeing me cry, didn't you? I'm sorry to be such a coward, but I just can't do this to you anymore.
I love you, and I will always love you, Rainbow. Not that it means anything to you, does it. But don't stay with me anymore. You have hurt me more than any rejection ever will. I want to be mad at you for that, but I've lost any strength to be mad. I just want you to be happy. You're clearly not happy, not with me. I just wanted to let you go without it getting ugly.
Please, don't do me any favours like that. I have a spine. If you had just said no, I would have gotten over it.
I just hope you have it in you to tell Applejack the truth, now that you're free to be with her.
I'll come back when I'm feeling better. Never mind me. Just focus on your own happiness.
I love you, and I'm sorry it had to end this way.
~Fluttershy
You could've hit me with a baseball bat and I wouldn't have felt anything. I just sat there, wide-eyed, staring at the note in my hooves, before it eventually floated onto the mattress. Fluttershy knew. She'd known somehow, about me sneaking off to see Applejack. Because she's the one I actually love and wanted to be with. Because she knew I just dated her because I... didn't want to hurt her.
I was shaking before I collapsed, shaking. Oh, you'd think I would've been thrilled that Fluttershy did all the dirty work for me. Now I was free, free to stop lying and pretending to love her, free to be with Applejack, free to just stop this charade. But I didn't. I didn't feel a single bit of joy. All I felt like I was the worst pony in the world. I felt like crying. I couldn't cry, not when-darn it, I did cry after all!
I can't think of a moment where I hated myself more than I did then. I kept asking myself. Why? Why didn't I just be honest with her from the start? Why didn't I reject her? Why didn't I do the right thing? Why did I date her out of pity? Now I went and hurt her far worse, I did the one thing I was trying not to do. And I did. I just did.
I'm sorry, Fluttershy...
It hurt. I felt like my heart was ripped out. But I could only imagine how she was feeling. All along, I was leading her on, pretending to love her, pretending that I meant every bit of it. I pretty much told her that my love was a lie. And it was. It was! Why did I do that to her?! The one pony who was always there for me, always supported me, and was nothing but a good friend... And this is how I repaid her. By pretending I loved her so she wouldn't get hurt by my rejection.
I couldn't even get with Applejack after that. How could I? I didn't deserve her. I didn't deserve to be happy. There was no way I was rubbing it in Fluttershy's face. Not anymore. I am DONE with love.
Rainbow Dash sighed as she shut her journal. Within her bedroom of the Wonderbolts Headquarters, she was alone, with only Tank for company. Her eyes fell to some letters sitting on her desk near her. Six of them, one from each of her friends. She'd read five of them, but left Fluttershy's. She didn't have the strength to read it right now. Fluttershy's letters were always read last, usually a little while after reading the others.
Fluttershy had forgiven her, even going as far as to still being her friend. As relieving as it was, Rainbow couldn't even look at her ex without feeling the immense guilt. They never spoke of what happened after Rainbow found the note. She'd wanted to, but what could she say? There was nothing she could say.
Exhaling, Rainbow opened the letter, deciding to just get it over with.
Hi Rainbow,
I hope you're doing well over there. Your training is going great, as far as I can see. Good for you! I also wanted you to know that we're all going to be at your next show in Canterlot. Twilight or one of the others must have already told you, of course. But I'm looking forward to it! It'll be wonderful, as always.
I hope you've been eating well and still keeping to your training! But never forget to rest, as well. It's just as important, if not more important. But you know that already.
Anyway, so I'm doing all right. I do miss you, I can't wait to see you again.
Have a good week! See you at the show.
Sincerely, Fluttershy
Exhaling heavily, Rainbow Dash placed the letter aside. She crawled into bed, to exhausted to do or think of anything else. Curling up under the covers, her eyes glanced over a photo that sat on her nightstand. It was a photo of all six of them, with Spike, on a picnic. One of the most fun times they'd all had together. Fluttershy especially looked happy as can be, like she was on top of the world.
Rainbow knew why. This photo had been taken just days after she'd said yes to Fluttershy's confession. When she'd made the most stupid decision of her life.
Yet, as she gazed at the photo, there was the undeniable reminder. There had been good times since they'd dated. As much as it was a charade, it was fun. Rainbow Dash could never deny that. She'd never regret those wonderful moments. Fluttershy was still her best friend, not just some random pony.
Unable to hold back, a tear ran down her cheek as she gazed sadly at the photo. A reminder of better times. A reminder of what could've been.
"Fluttershy... Maybe I did love you... at least a little bit," she confessed, her voice breaking.
It was only when she fell asleep that she felt a moment of peace.