Fluttershy
Chapter 16
Her head hurt and her vision swam. She closed her eyes, trying to make the ground stop moving beneath her. She knew Twilight had brought them somewhere; teleportation magic had a very distinct feeling, a slight burning sensation all over the body. But it hadn’t burned away the tears that still flowed rapidly down her cheeks. Where was Rainbow? She opened her eyes. Everything in the room looked so bright, but they were definitely in a room. The sight of building and structure was one Fluttershy never thought she would miss so much. The sight of purple and white walls greeted her, as well as tall windows. She was in the castle. Twilight had teleported them from the middle of sprawling forests to the castle.
The sunlight shone through the windows unhindered, their position on the mountain put the city above the still separating rain clouds. She took a moment to blink the spots out of her eyes, turning around. She knew without a doubt that this was Canterlot Castle, but she wasn’t anywhere she recognized. They were in a hallway that extended in two directions, both ending in sharp corridors that went further into the massive building. On one side of the hallway were windows, tall and unstained, a couple feet between them, letting in ample sunlight. On the other side, the walls were adorned with painting, looking to be from various era’s throughout Equestria’s history. There were a few small wooden doors, all closed tight.
Twilight stood to her left, tearfully examining Rainbow, who lay on the ground before her. She used her magic, to gently lift her blue wing. Be careful with her wing, it hurts her when you’re too rough with it. She slowly steadied herself; it was uncomfortable to be so far from her cyan lover. To her side stood Cadence, standing with a look that Fluttershy couldn’t recognize. Fluttershy walked towards the body, but she had forgotten about her leg, the sudden pressure caused it to buckle and she fell to the floor with a cry. Cadence leapt to her swiftly and gracefully, locking her foreleg around her own to try and lift her.
“Don’t touch her!” both ponies looked to Twilight in shock, who had turned to look at the scene with fiery eyes. Cadence immediately released her grip and backed away with her head low. The element of magic walked towards the pegasus still sprawled on the floor. Fluttershy was still afraid her friend was angry with her, but she didn’t shrink away, she didn’t mind if Twilight hit her. There was nothing she could do to her that would hurt the shy pony more than her loss, so if it would make the purple pony feel better, she was okay with it. But she did nothing of the sort; instead Twilights hard face melted and she lent a gentle hoof which Fluttershy accepted meekly.
She held her close in a tight hug and gave her a kiss on the cheek. The feeling was so familiar, but at the same time, totally foreign. Her lips didn’t make her heart skip and her mind fog, and for that she was quite grateful. Instead it felt more like a reassurance from a friend, which she was sure was Twilight``s intention. Her violet eyes were now red.
“’I’m glad to see that you’re okay.” She said, her voice breaking.
Fluttershy shook her head.
“I’m not.” She replied simply.
“Fluttershy I know this is difficult for you, but I need you to answer some questions, and I need you to do it fast.” Her tone was very urgent, and Fluttershy was confused. Twilight continued.
“How long has she...” she didn’t finish.
The pegasus didn’t answer, she couldn’t, her mind couldn’t form thoughts. She was numb, lost. She was finally back in civilization, but she couldn’t care less. What was the point of coming home to emptiness?
“Please Twilight, just leave us alone.” She wanted to lay down with her again, if they were in the city that meant they wanted to bury her. And then she would really be gone.
“Fluttershy this is important, if the conditions are right, I might be able to bring her back.”
Fluttershy’s ear twitched. She must’ve heard her wrong.
“She’s gone Twilight; I felt it, her heart stopped.”
“I know, but I can still try, but the conditions need to be right, so I need you to answer me. Fluttershy please, how long?”
She felt a spark of hope. Could this really work? Was Twilight truly capable of this? She looked to the pony on the ground, broken, gone, the love of her life taken. What else could she lose?
“A-about twenty m-minutes.” She said softly
Twilights expression didn’t change.
“Was it blood loss or infection?”
“Both,” she whimpered. “She lost a lot of blood, but she probably would’ve lived, if it weren’t for the infection.” She shut her eyes tight; it pained her to talk about the pony who lay only feet away, as if she weren’t there.
This time Twilight flinched.
“Do you know her blood type?” she asked as though the question were a stretch. “If this works she’s going to need a transfusion immediately.”
“O negative.” She said, both her and Twilight shocked at the recollection. In the various trips she’d taken to the hospital, Fluttershy would always look over her charts. She’d seen the mare’s blood type so many times she’d subliminally memorized it.
“That’s rare,” Twilight said “What’s yours?”
“O negative.” She said quickly. It took her longer to remember her own. “I can give it.”
“Good, thank you Fluttershy.” Twilight turned away. A purple aura surrounded Rainbow’s body and she began to levitate onto Twilight`s back. Once she was laying down on the purple mare, the aura dissipated, Twilight sprinted down the hallway. Fluttershy tried to run after her.
“Twilight, where are you going?” She followed as fast as her legs could carry her, but her pain was great and she couldn’t come close to keeping up with her friend. “Please don’t take her away! I have to be there!”
“Fluttershy, I’m sorry, but I need to concentrate, I’ll bring you in when you’re needed.”
“But I’m needed now!” she called desperately, neither mare slowing. She had to be by Rainbow’s side, she had to. What if this was a ruse, what if she was going to bury her? Fluttershy couldn’t allow it. She needed to find that picture first, Rainbow asked her to make sure she was buried with the picture. She couldn’t control her mind, she was poisoned with fear. Fluttershy’s leg nearly gave out again, but Cadence caught her this time. She held her long enough to ensure she was steadied, then rushed ahead to meet Twilight.
“Twilight, I want to help.” She placed a hoof on her shoulder but Twilight spun around, pushing the pink alicorn away.
“Don’t you dare touch me!” she barked. Cadence recoiled sharply. “Don’t you dare follow me, and don’t you dare come anywhere near this mare! You are going to stay here, and you are going to tell her what you’ve done!” She pointed at Fluttershy as she said “Her” before spinning around, and with a bright violet flash both she and Fluttershy’s beloved were gone, leaving a very confused yellow pegasus, and a very hurt Cadence. She just sat there, on the spot where Twilight had screamed at her. Fluttershy didn’t understand, what did Princess Cadence have to do with any of this? Where were they and why were there no guards? And what could the princess have done to infuriate Twilight like that, she’d never seen her yell like that at her old foal sitter.
The purple alicorn said she wanted Cadence to tell her what she’d done, but she sat there silently, looking down at the floor.
“Cadence please,” Fluttershy begged. She was grieved, she was stressed, she’d lost the pony who meant the most to her, she needed somepony to tell her something. “Please tell me what’s happening, I-I’m so confused.” Her tears had stopped for a moment at the scare Twilight had brought upon her, but they returned yet again, she had no control. The pink princess breathed shakily. Was she crying too?
“I know how hard this is for you Fluttershy. Everypony will tell you something similar, but just know that I truly mean it. I’m no stranger to loss.” She didn’t turn around. “I assume you’re pretty disoriented, huh? You’ve probably guessed that we’re in Canterlot Castle. We’re in the Apprentice wing, where the most gifted students have taken residence over the years, have you ever seen it?” she pointed a hoof down the hallway ahead of her, where Twilight had run. “That used to be Twilight's dorm, none of these rooms have been occupied in years, but they are still fully furnished and clean. And private.” She turned and walked towards the silently sobbing Fluttershy. When she was inches away, she sat down, and bid Fluttershy do the same. She did, and Cadence spoke again.
“I ascended to my current role at a very young age, because, apparently, I had and ‘Unprecedented knowledge of the power of love.’” She gave a rueful chuckle, and Fluttershy felt a twinge of annoyance. She looked closer at the princess. There were dark rims around her eyes, which had turned red from tears. She looked tired, burdened. “I guess in some ways that was true, but after my ascension, it became much more profound. Love is so distinct isn’t it? Such a heavy emotion, yet some ponies don’t even know when they’ve found it. But I do. All over Equestria ponies fall in love every day, and others love gains more gravity, and I feel it all. Every couple, every time they look into each other’s eyes and figure out that they are the one, I know it. And I feel it with them, share the love that they feel. Love, internally and externally, has become a part of me.” She paused. Fluttershy had tried to be patient, but hearing the princess ramble on about herself was only fueling her anxiety and frustration.
“What does this have to do with anything?” she asked with daggers. She might’ve felt regret, Cadence looked hurt; like she’d lost all the ponies around her she could call friends. She breathed a heavy sigh
“I told you that I know how hard it is for you. And it’s true, because from the moment you and Rainbow Dash shared the kiss in that cave, I’ve known exactly where you were.”
Fluttershy’s eyes widened at the revelation.
“I knew you were both injured, I knew you were stranded in the forest, I knew the Timberwolves were after you. If I focus, I can learn a lot about the ponies who’ve fallen for each other. So when I found that the two of you had finally confessed your affections, I was elated, and decided to see how it had happened. You couldn’t imagine my shock.”
“You knew all of this, and you didn’t try to help us?” Fluttershy was shaking.
“Yes.”
Fluttershy exploded. “WHY!? She was dying right beside me for days! All I could do was watch, as the mare I loved faded, and you, you couldn’t be bothered!? How dare you, how dare you let us suffer? LET HER SUFFER?” Her hoofs wouldn’t stop shaking. She felt volatile, like she was back with the Timberwolves.
Cadence was crying now too.
“I know there’s nothing I can ever say to make this right. But I need you to understand, royalty operates under a strict code. We can’t directly intervene in the lives of a few ponies.”
“What are you talking about!? We’ve been sent on task after task, given to us by Celestia-“
“For the good of Equestria as a whole. But we cannot save the lives of every single pony, it would upset the Harmony Celestia and Luna fought so hard to uphold.” Her eyes went to the floor “When the sisters first took the throne and realized the gift of eternal life had been bestowed upon them, they wanted to share the bounty with the rest of the citizens. They combined their magic and cast a spell over all of them. For over a century ponies grew and then stopped, achieving maturity then granted immortality, from the magic of the princesses. Nopony aged or took ill throughout the land. At first, all was joyous, the ponies relished and multiplied after the many years of oppression. But fear began to take hold. They soon began to worry Celestia and Luna couldn’t keep up the magic forever, and they would begin to age once more. Many began to make trips to the castle, offering gifts, promising to worship them and even uttering threats, all in an attempt to sway the sisters to keep them young. They became troublesome and began to riot in the streets, so the sisters barred the doors of the castle, locking out the rest of Equestria. This act pushed their paranoia over the edge, and the ponies began to war, faction against faction, family against family, and much blood was spilled. Lives that were supposed to last forever were cut short, and the fights raged on. When the sisters saw the destruction this decision had wrought, they swiftly ended the battles, and commanded the attention of all. They announced the spell that gave them life eternal was ending. The ponies that had fought aged and died, and so did their children, and their children after them, until nopony could ever remember this time. And the princesses have kept this knowledge with them, as a reminder of what happens, when the harmony that binds us all is disrupted.” She stopped to look up at Fluttershy, who was still seething.
“Ponies have to perish eventually Fluttershy it is the way it has to be. I’m not saying that this makes my actions right but I was fearful of the consequences. It was difficult; please believe me it was not easy for me to withhold help to two ponies I knew so well, who loved each other so much. I tried to talk to Rainbow, in her sleep I was able to contact her, but there was little I could do aside from urge her to push on.”
Fluttershy understood, but her anger was not quenched in any way.
“Is this why Twilight was angry with you?”
“Yes. Just as I can feel love, I can also feel when the love has left. And when I finally felt Rainbow... I couldn’t sit idly by; I had to do something, so I called Twilight. I told her where you were and explained the situation. She teleported away, and I figured she would bring you here.”
“You called Twilight to do it for you, so you could escape consequence?” she asked, disgusted.
“I didn’t know what else to do!” she paused to take another breath. “She believes it is my fault. You do too, and I cannot blame you. But please know, I’m so sorry, and if I could do it again, I wouldn’t have let it happen. I know how much you loved Rainbow Dash-”
“Don’t say her name!” she barked. “Please, I-I don’t need any more apologies.” Cadence looked down, then back up with teary eyes, and the smallest trace of a smile.
“Her fire rubbed off on you. I know the love you shared was true and powerful. My hopes lie with her now.”
Fluttershy turned around, unable to look at the princess anymore. She knew her words were sincere, and she understood why she made the choice she did. But she couldn’t forgive, not now, maybe not ever. She wasn’t the cause of their pain, but she allowed it to happen. She let Rainbow die.
They sat upon the elegantly tiled floor, backs turned, waiting for something, anything. The hall was deathly silent, and Fluttershy found herself trapped within her own mind. What is Twilight doing? Where is Rainbow? Can Twilight really do what she said? She hoped she could, what her friend proposed sounded impossible. But the thought of having her blue angel back, of having a second chance, it was so sweet, and the only thing keeping her sane.
After several minutes of silence, it became over bearing, and Fluttershy finally blurted out.
“What did you mean? When you said you were no stranger to loss?” She didn’t turn to face the pony she was talking to, but she could hear her sigh. She remained silent for a few seconds, and Fluttershy thought she wasn’t going to answer.
“Shining Armor wasn’t the first.” She paused “I love him so much, more than anything but he wasn’t the first pony to steal my heart.”
“What happened?”
“It wasn’t meant to be.”
“Is he gone too?”
“No. I never got such closure.” It sounded as though just remembering caused her pain.
Fluttershy was going to pry deeper, why shouldn’t she? But Twilight Sparkle came sprinting around the corner.
The pegasus stood up. Her heart felt as though it would burst, her stomach was doing summersaults. Cadence turned too, her eyes hopeful.
“What happened? Where is Rainbow?”
Twilight’s face was neither grim nor happy, only serious.
“I need you to come with me.” She walked to Fluttershy and helped her up to her hooves. She let Fluttershy put at wing over her back for support, the same way Rainbow had. The turned to start their way back. Cadence stood as well, but once again she was shot down.
“No, you stay here. I don’t want you anywhere near us right now.” The princess of love sat back down, then lay on her stomach, lowering her head. Fluttershy wanted to feel sorry for her, but she really couldn’t. The two friends began to walk down the hallway, the kind mare moved as fast as she could.
“What’s happened Twilight?” Fluttershy asked. “Is Rainbow...?”
“I’ve cleansed her body of the infection, and healed her laceration as best as I could. She should be ready for the revival process.”
“Will we need the Elements?” she asked, unsure as to why Twilight had come to get her.
“They would probably help, but sadly they are out of our reach now. I thought Cadence was lying, it sounded impossible, but the Elements are... dead. Each gem has lost its lustre and the Element of Loyalty has turned black. They are powerless, but if this can work, I can do it without.”
“Why do you need me then? Does she need the transfusion now?” They had arrived at the door Cadence had said led into Twilight``s old dorm. Fluttershy tried to push open the door, but Twilight put a gentle hoof on hers.
“ Fluttershy, I could’ve brought her back already, restored the beat to her heart, made the blood she still has flow again.”
“Why didn’t you?” Fluttershy asked, fearing yet another betrayal.
“Because if I did it, wouldn’t be Rainbow. All of the memories and experiences of the friend we knew would be locked away, and there would be a stranger trapped in her body. She would be like a newborn foal, having to relearn everything. We wouldn’t be her friends. And she... she wouldn’t remember you.”
Fluttershy felt her heart break yet again. The small spark of hope her friend had given her was gone. Seeing Rainbow walking and talking, yet a stranger? It would be worse than death. Now Twilight had brought her here to say her final goodbyes.
“So that’s it. She’s gone.” she whimpered.
“No, if I’m right we may still be able to bring Dash back with all her memories, which is why I need you.”
The fire of hope relit.
“Yes anything!” she said quickly not wanting to waste any time.
“All of us have a distinct energy in us, unique for each and every pony, like a snow flake. In the simplest terms, you could call it a soul. Rainbow knew you better than any of us, and she loved you very strongly. If we can get some of your energy to mingle with hers it might be enough to spark her memory.”
“Ok, what do you need me to do?” she said anxiously.
“Well, all you really need to do is lay back while I perform a spell, which will take some of the energy from you. There won’t be any permanent effects on you, but you might feel a little weaker for a few weeks.”
“Then why are we just standing here? Do your spell, I don’t mind.”
“Fluttershy, the process of sapping your energy will be painful. I’m going to be separating an integral part of your being from your body, and the experience should be nothing short of excruciating. And there’s still a chance that I’m wrong, that it won’t fix her, and your pain would be for nothing.”
Fluttershy didn’t even flinch. The thought of pain meant nothing to her, nothing could hurt her more than the thought of Rainbow being lost to her, or worse, the thought of not even trying to help.
“Twilight I don’t care if it kills me, whatever I can to do help bring her back, I’ll do it.”
Her violet eyes became misty, and Fluttershy received yet another kiss on the cheek.
“You’re a very brave pony Fluttershy.”
She opened the door.
Fluttershy wasn’t sure what to expect. She braced herself for seeing various tubes and mechanisms attached to the cyan mare, poking beneath her skin and trying to force the life back into her, as she lay on a hard hospital bed. When she finally saw her though, she was laying on a queen sized feather bed, on her back, with her head resting against a pillow. Her eyes were closed and her forelegs folded over her chest. Only a single I.V. tube stuck into her, providing hydration to her body. It was an image she had seen more than a few times, Rainbow used to be such a baby when it came to hospitals, always begging Fluttershy to stay with her. But back then, whenever the yellow pegasus entered the room she was greeted with a bright smile from the pony she loved.
This time, Rainbow didn’t stir. Her cut, once gaping and gruesome, was a faint pink scar, stitched with utmost accuracy. The room was illuminated by sunlight just like the hall, but a thin gossamer curtain hung over it. It was lightly furnished, a dresser, some drawers, and a soft chair in the corner. It wasn’t difficult for her to imagine Twilight here, a small purple filly reading and practicing her magic.
“Please, lie down.” Twilight said, not unkindly. There was ample space beside Rainbow for her to lie. She could hear Twilight rummaging through some drawers, but her gaze was focused on the multicoloured pegasus. She looked just like she was sleeping, as though at any moment she would roll over with a grin and give Fluttershy a soft kiss. But she wouldn’t, because she was gone now, and only Fluttershy could bring her back the way she was.
It had been a long time since she’d crawled into a bed with Rainbow, not since their frequent slumber parties when they were fillies. At least once a week they would meet at one of their houses, eat snacks and play games, and when they went to sleep, it was usually in the same bed. It meant nothing at that age, just two friends sharing some space, but Fluttershy actually preferred these sleeping arrangements. When she lay alone she always felt cold, but feeling the warmth from her friend always gave her a comfortable sleep. Thinking back on it, she couldn’t imagine how she didn’t notice her affection for the blue pegasus sooner.
Twilight returned with some linen wrappings. She thought she was going to try and patch up her leg, but instead she said.
“I’m really sorry Fluttershy, but you’re probably going to thrash around a lot when I perform the spell, and there’s a risk you could hit Rainbow, so I’m going to have to tie you down.”
Fluttershy just gave her a quick nod, and then she lifted her forelegs up to the bed panel. The linens levitated over her hooves and tied themselves securely, but not too tight. The purple alicorn did the same to her hind legs.
“You are sure about this, right Fluttershy?” Twilight said, her horn beginning to glow. “I would give you more time to prepare, but quite frankly, we don’t have any more time to give.” Without an ounce of fear in her she simply said.
“Yes Twilight. I’m ready.”
Twilight nodded wordlessly, and her horn glowed even brighter. The tied down pony felt a slight tingle as the aura surrounded her body. Then the tingle turned to stinging. And suddenly she let out a cry as her whole body contracted in agony. Her vision was swimming. It felt like she was being set aflame, her skin peeling away. Yet as she looked down, her body was fine, not a physical scar upon it. It was painful, but she could handle it.
She screamed louder as Twilight`s horn brightened once again, and the pain increased tenfold. Every fiber of her being felt as though it were splitting and tearing, her body was being torn apart. Her head felt like it was being crushed in a press. She screamed and cried, but she didn’t beg, not once did she ask to stop. Her vision failed, but she didn’t pass out, the pain was still with her, and it still intensified. Her body thrashed, and she became quite thankful for her hooves being tied. Her head swung wildly, she was no longer in control of her body.
She continued to scream. She thought about Rainbow, about all the times she’d put herself through pain at her expense. The bullies she fought off for her, climbing the wall in the cave with her injury, flying to find her when the Timberwolves had found them. Rainbow was always there; to make sure she was safe, that she was spared from harm. And now it was Fluttershy’s turn to return the favour. And despite the agony, the pure shredding pain that attacked her, she still returned that favour gladly.
How long could this spell last? She could hear nothing aside from the ringing in her own ears, and she honestly thought for a few moments that she was going to die in this agony. But she wasn’t afraid. The pain finally began to wane, but it was slow. Her vision returned to see the aura had left from her body and was now surrounding Rainbow. Her vision was blurred by the tears, but she could’ve sworn she saw Dash arch her back.
Her hearing returned as she began to fade from consciousness.
“Fluttershy,” Twilight called from far away. Hooves were touching her. “Fluttershy, I’m sorry.”
Her world was consumed by darkness.