//------------------------------// // A Hearth's Warming Eve's Horror // Story: Devious Days with The Devil's Daughter // by EveningShadows //------------------------------// Discord floated into the living room, slithered would be a better way to say it. Though its hard to slither in the air, even for the god of chaos. Maybe the tone of floating was slither-y. I don't think that makes sense... But, hey, that's my dad for you. Oh hi. Yeah you. Don't give me that I know you're looking in! Bucking flat-faces... with your noodley... arm... tentacles... Eww. How do you not just kill yourselves whenever you look in a mirror? Also, not really a living room, more of a blotch of... things. A bunch of blotches of things. Look its not really easy to explain! But there's a couch, which your ultra-sexy narrator is lounging in with a suave, blasé... umm... expression? No, no, that doesn't work... aura! A suave, blasé aura about her! Yes. Nailed it. Heh... Totally smooth Eris... Uh. Yeah. Anyway, so I'm Eris. Daughter of Discord. Goddess in her own right. Strife and all that. Fun stuff, eh? Right? Umm... What am I supposed to do here... Not really my normal gig... OH! A description! That's what you bitches want and didn't know you needed! Well get ready for the most motherbucking, mind numbing, explosively orgasmic description of your puny mortal lives! Okay. Kay... Umm. Kay! You gaze upon her, lying sensually on a couch with a totally suave and blasé aura about her. You begin your visual ravishings with her tail, a delicate pink tuft flows from a powerful draconic tail with a metaphorical contrast your puny mortal mind can barely even survive! Your eye pass over to her legs for to stall upon one part of absolutely beauty would rot your little heads. OH GODS THOSE LEGS! You scream inside when you see them! They're just that amazing! Trust me. After the initial shock at such pure, unadul...tera...ted... amazingness passes you begin to focus more on the finer, elegant details of those perfect, perfect le~gs. One is a firm goat's leg, with a daintily maintained hoof at the end, you can instantly tell that many, many servants are used to improve the already great perfectness of that hoof. The other glorious leg you see is green! With a claw that screams predator in an uber-sexy way that escapes all vocabulary! Look, umm... I'm not entirely sure what it is... its like a green reptile leg... uh... BUT ITS GODDESS-LIKE AND YOU LOVE IT! YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH IT MAKES YOU WEEP! . . . Your eyes, much to your own lament, move up those legs toNONONO! LECHER! GODS BELOW! Did your mother not teach you manners! Hmph. Mortals. Soooo typical. All you ever think about. . . Your eyes resume their uncontrolled ravishing of the most sexalicous beast you've ever seen... right above where its appropriate. Creeper. Her fur. Oh, her fur, you despair for you may never touch its delicate softness! . . . Its just fur dude. Chillax. You're gaze travels up to her chest where voluptuous breasts are held and you-- *smack* Yeah guys I'm not really sure where these things are from either. But they're awesome! And you don't get to look! Flat-faced pervs... Your hypnotized gaze travels to her arms. One is a lithe griffin's claw while the other is a powerful lion's paw. Both have claws maintained with an artisan's practiced skill. They are painted... eww green? When did that happen?! . . . They are both painted a color that is slowly turning a feminine pink that whispers at something more scarlet and lustful. Yeah... You totally want this... Your gaze once again journeys upward until you see an image which stops your heart. Barely 1% of you can even get your heart to start up again as the others collapse into an early orgasmic death at the sheer beauty of what you see. Yup. That's mah face. Pretty sweet, right? Yeah... Totally sweet. So I'm getting bored of this description thing. Greyish uber-kawai~i pony head with a goats horn and an antler. Hypnotic yellow eyes with red pupils. Gorgeous white locks flow from my head. Hair any stylist will kill themselves just to get the chance to see. So yeah. I mean all in all I'm perfect in every way and you should count yourself lucky to even know of my TERRIFYINGLY BEAUTIFUL EXISTANCE! "Eris are you doing that inner-monologue thing again?" My cruel father's voice crashed in around my fanta--err totally accurate description, "What?! No! I don't do that!" My dad chuckled, "Sure, Honey." Damn him. Aaanyway. So also in the bunches of blotches there's a hearth's warming tree. Do you capitalize that? You know what screw conventional grammar rules! They tremble at my literary genius! Hmph. Anyway... tree. Hearth's warming tree! Because its hearth's warming eve! Which means one present! Now look it may seem odd that a mare of my age would get this excited over a simple present but hey, give a gal a break. This is my first hearth's warming present in ever. And the first from my dad in over a thousand years! Uh. Maybe you flat-faces need some background so see Discord got stoned pretty far back. There was this whole big thing... hostileworldtakeover, you know just some minor issues. Totally blown out of proportion. And so he spent the last little while encased in stone. Held in the lawn of some bloated white marshmallow. Me on the other hoof? I got nabbed a few centuries back. Also stoned. Look don't ask. All you need to know is I was stuck in the middle of the empty desert watching sand dunes rise and fall for CENTURIES! Oh the BOREDOM! At least he had flowers to look at! I mean yeah lawn ornament is pretty demeaning but buck being gawked at by snooty ponies is better than being gawked at by sand! *shiver* I am NEVER going back to Zebrica again in my life! Soo... presents! I look up at the draconequus before me. Oh ya did I mention that yet? Species: draconequus. Best things ever. I look up totally not ruining my suave, blasé aura, "So, Daddy, did you get me anything?" "Why yes I did," he smiles down at me with a snaggle-toothed grin. OH YEAH! I FORGOT SOMETHING IN THAT WICKED FLANK DESCRIPTION! I totally have these sweet-flank fangs. Yup!... Not really sure how my dad lost one of his. He refused to talk about it. I wonder if Celestia could tell me... Now that, you know, she's not trying to imprison me or whatever. "I got you a pet!" A pet? I jolt back to the land of the paying-attention. "Now I know you've never had the best luck with pets..." Goldfish died of over shaking. Puppy died of d'aww induced squeezing. Cat ran away. Almost instantly. 'Accidentally' murdered that bucking parrot. I had a lemur once. I don't really remember that happened to Ms. Shugums. I was pretty young. I had a bear... but he kind of attacked and well... that didn't turn out well for him. Look. Point is there's a really long list of bad luck with pets. TOTALLY NOT MY FAULT! But we really don't need to get int-- "And I need you to take extra special care of this one." "Of course I will!" I say in a casual tone, underlining my general chillaxness, as I sit upright rubbing my claws in greedy excitement. "Eris I know you've had a hard time adjusting to our new lifestyle and I really want to help you do that. I know I've been a bad example and I want to make up for that" I smiled at him, "Aww, that sweet. Its okay Dad, I thought you were a pretty great example." "But that's the pro--" "So what'd you get me?" I quickly cut him off before he could get into ANOTHER long winded lecture about friendship and balance and blehk. Luckily he decided to ignore my blatant avoidance. Wisely picking your battles, I see. "Well its called a human. And it doesn't know its going to be yours yet so it might be a little scared." I eyed him with a little confusion. "Oh, I hope we get a fun one!" he shouts as he snaps his fingers. A rift in reality opens before us of leaving an abyss of pure terror, I totally didn't quickly jump to my hoof/claw. It was more of a casual standing. I swear! Thankfully the abyss quickly closed leaving an odd creature standing before us, holding a clear glass of eggnog. Now, just to clarify, my dear flat-faces, before this I'd never even HEARD of a human. So needless to say this was a new experience for me. I took it in stride. It was a weird looking thing. Its only hair was short, brown and on the top of it's head. It wore a black... Is that leather? Wow. That's grim. Uh. Anyway. It wore a black leather jacket, blue denim jeans and a black shirt. It was also sporting a schazy little collar on its neck. Terrific touch if I do say so myself. Its eyes widened and it quickly gulped down the eggnog it was holding. Smelled a bit like booze. Getting a better look at the shirt it had a cat playing a mini-piano on it. Pretty weird but okay. I don't judge. Whose to sa-- "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" Screaming interrupted my thoughts. Loud. LOUD. SCREAMING. Gods below what a pair of lungs on that thing! The screaming abruptly stopped, my dad started up, "Ah now that that's done I--" "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Kay. So screaming isn't finished yet! Guess it was just taking a breath. Gggrrreeeaaatttt. Perfect pet dad. "ENOUGH!" Discord yelled, loud enough to shake the living-room-esque space. The human stared wide eyed in horror. "Now look its hearth's warming eve and You," you could hear the capitalization of the word, "are my present for my daughter, Eris, here. Understand?" It stared without changing its expression. "I think you will make a lovely pet for her and help her adjust to a more civil lifestyle." Civil lifestyle? Is that what he's calling it now? I call it pussy whipped by The-Yellow-Bitch. Oh, yeah... anyway. Its wide eyed expression of horror got worse I'm not sure how, but it did. I couldn't keep it in any longer. I burst out laughing I think the poor thing was frozen in terror! It was hilarious! "Daddy I love it!" I yelled as I flung my arms around him, wrapping him into a tight hug. The poor thing slid to the ground wrapping his trippy-noodle-claws around his head. It started screaming about hallucination this, doctor that. Lots of things. Help me. It screamed about medication. therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, even things I'd never even heard of! There was schizophrenia thrown in, some accusations of being demons. Just tons of stuff. Lots of help me I'm hallucinating though. We laughed and laughed and laughed. It even tried to get up I assume get away. Didn't work out so great as Daddy Discord would just snap him back into place. Eventually it got boring, as even great things do. So we muted him, not all the way mind you just so his screaming wasn't tugging very hard at the ears. It was still worth a chuckle at least to hear his muted whimpering and despair at that cruel, cruel world. After a good chuckle I looked over at the draconequus next to me. "I got something for you to Daddy," I said with a hand behind my back. "Oh did you?" He raised an eyebrow with a smile. I don't know why but he always treated it like some weird surprise whenever I got him anything. "Of course!" I pulled out a small necklace. A muted black string with a small golden apple at the end. There was some small engraving in the gold. Okay, you claw-noodlers may need a little back story for this. Its okay if you don't know all the details of equestrian history but this is one of the best bits. If not THE best bit. Mostly because it involves lil' ol' moi and the greatest prank ever pulled. By anyone... ever. Seriously. Ever. Okay let me explain. So it wasn't to long after the sky-flanked snit-bags had imprisoned my most loving of fathers in stone. All over some -relatively- innocent humor too! Anyway it took me a while to come up with it. I actually had to hide in sun-butt and moon-butt's courts. Doin' some super secret spy work. Turns out ITS SO TARTARUS DAMNED BORING! It was worth it though. Sooo worth it. Anyway I noticed some things. Mostly that a lot more ponies went to day court over night court. They showered sunny-cheeks with WAY to much attention. Like pouring on flattery like gravy from a ladle bad! It was honestly pretty disgusting when going to such an obviously lesser creature. poor, poor lulu didn't quite get that much attention. It was as obvious as the bitch-blinding-sun during their once weekly mutual court sessions. I still shudder with laughter and disgust at those memories. moon-butt seemed surprisingly unaffected by her lack of attention. I (rightly) assumed she was hiding it. So I came up with a scheme. A scheme I'm very proud of because it took absolutely zero magic on my part yet caused untold amounts of strife! It was so beaut~i~ful. Okay maybe it took a little magic. Just a smidge. All I did was create a gorgeous golden apple with three little words engraved in it. FOR THE FAIREST Okay so I know I ramble a little but bear with me we're going into UBERSTORYMODE! Err. That means flashback time. ~~~~~~~FLASHBACK~~~~~~~ Buck me sideways! I wish I could make that ^plop^ glitter like a gay pride parade! Okay. Sorry. Story time. I strode into the sky-butts' mutual day/night court, my head held high as I waited patiently in line. It was a LONG line. It was like a 3 hour line. The silly little ponies around me in line were pretty nervous. I can understand. I mean its speciest and all but hey, the only other draconequus they'd ever known of kind of took over the world a little. (It really wasn't as bad as everypony says! Honest!) The fear did cut down on the waiting time significantly though. I guess they just couldn't stand my smoldering beauty. But hey, whatevs, got the line moving. I spend most of the time chatting up a cute stallion behind me. Boy was he in for some shame tomorrow when he realized the gorgeous gal in front of him was about to RUIN EVERYTHING! MUAH HA H--! *cough* Sorry about that. I really try not to do the evil villain laugh. Partly because I'm the hero and also 'cus the one that laughs like that usually loses. Mostly because I'm the hero. Yes. Anyway, after waiting for half an eternity it was finally my turn to step up to the throne for my audience. When I stepped forward ms. where-the-sun-doth-shine's eyes bulged. ms. gothic-motif's eyes narrowed. She was the first to speak as sun-butt was slightly flabbergasted. I don't know. I'm not entirely sure. I honestly expected her to go first. Being the obviously better sister an' all. "What are you doing in our court creature," I doubt I've gotta say it, but the last word was spat at me. Oh also, footnote here, all that archaic old-equestrian has been smoothly translated into newer-shinier-modern-equestrian! Yay! No promises on the smooth part. There may be a few minor mistakes or *cough* translation edits. Errors I mean. Yes. Errors. "Princess Celestia, Princess Luna," I oozed as I made a suave bow. "My name is Eris, I come to thank you for freeing the world or that horrible tyrant, Discord." Those words didn't come easily to me. They were cunts plain and simple for what they did to my dad. 'I'll all be worth it,' I told myself. "The world is truly a better place with Your Highnesses on the throne. I've come to give my personal thanks and the thanks of all draconequus." "Is this true?" sun-butt finally spoke up, "the draconequus race suffered under Discord's tyranny as well?" loony moony was still glaring at me. 'No, moron.' "While it is true that we did not have it as bad as the other races, being creatures aligned with chaos already. But we are not cruel creatures! We hated the suffering of our friends of other races and indeed even the strangers! And indeed we felt our own suffering during His Reign! We would have risen up to fight along side of you were it not for The Cruel Discord's Dark Magics! For whenever he found one of us he would drain the magic right out of us!" An odd glint showed up in loopy-loo's eyes, something like blood thirsty hunger. Odd coming from a herbivore. I'd bet my last bit she was thinking she could get her grubby-little-hooves on that (fake) spell. On the other hoof the shimmery bitch's eyes had softened with self-indulged sympathy. The other ponies in court had faces ranging from sympathy to confusion. "But even then we would have fought! Were it not for our low numbers. You see there have always been few draconequus in the world, but with The Tyrant draining us left and right our numbers were the lowest they've been in living memory! We couldn't risk extinction. For that we are truly sorry and we offer a gift." It was a bit odd. That carnivore glint had transferred to cake-flanks and poor, poor lulu's expression softened slightly. I smiled inwardly knowing I'd gotten to them both. Now look, admittedly the whole speech didn't go quite that smooth. But you know what? A lady can embellish! Also who taught you your manners?! You can't interrupt a lady in the middle of her story! Now, no-- SHUT IT! Hmph. Not a lady *unintelligible grumbling* Yeah. ANYWAY. "A gift? What have you brought me?" I swear it sounded like she was gonna sploosh right in the courtroom. Uck. The little lunatic on the other hoof was casting a sideways glare at her sister. "Yes, I bring a gift for the princesses of equestria," I made sure the princesses part was heard and pulled out a glimmering, glittery, golden apple. "This little apple is a symbol that represents unrivaled beauty. It should only be held by the most magnificent mare in the land and I offer it to you princess," making sure to look at neither as I said that, "For The Fairest," I said as I tossed it underhand to Luna. It was so cute watching her face change from grumpy to smiling like a school-age filly as she reach out her hooves. I don't think anypony had ever called her pretty before. Not with her much better sister overshadowing her in every moment. It was also pretty cute to watch that filly-ish smile get crushed the moment sunny-smiles caught the apple in her magic. She smiled broadly thanking me dearly for the tribute. I didn't make much of a response. I was to busy watching rage boil within our little lunatic. "Sister," she spat, "Correct me if I'm mistaken but I believe our guest was passing the apple to me," she spewed out her words like venom from a snake. If I hadn't known better I'd swear up and down that lulu was literally fuming... Though she is an alicorn so maybe... What sun-butt said next is what really took the cake I mean really whose actually like that? sun-butt. That's who. "Ah, of course sister," she said and looked poor, poor luna right in the eyes. Her face completely flat. "You were mistaken." She turned away from her and smiled at the crowd. "Next petitioner, please!" None stepped forward. Hell who would? I hadn't really noticed it until now but every single pony in the room was stock still, frozen in place. I think they knew what was coming, That sun blinded fool was the only one self deluded enough not to. Luna screamed. A full bodied scream that spoke of years of pain and rage. Amplified by the royal canterlot voice it was a true terror to behold. And gods it hurt. Nopony moved. The only sound were echos and the lunatic's heavy panting. sun-screamed turned her head slowly to look at her sister. "Wh-Whats wrong Luna?" her eyes were wide. I smiled. "YOU ALWAYS DO THIS! YOU ARE SO BUCKING SELFISH. THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU, CELESTIA!!!" I was pretty sure my hair was blown back at this point, but my smile was wide. silly-celly had a hard time speaking up but she was finally able to, "Lulu--" "DON'T CALL ME THAT!" she screamed again, "THIS KIND OF TREATMENT IS OVER!" That last words practically oozed malice. And then poor, poor luna teleported away. The last alicorn in the room slowly looked to me, her head moving as though locked by rusty gears. She looked into my eyes with horror plain on her face. I looked back into those eyes. "That's for my father." And then I snapped my fingers and teleported far, far away. poor, poor celestia. ~~~~~~~FLASHFORWARD~~~~~~~ I smiled con~tented~ly at the memory and at Dissy's smile at the necklace. It had become a calling card of mine. Daddy had his crazy chocolate explosions. I had my golden apples. They represented by greatest triumph (so far). Without even using chaos magic I had brought on the greatest civil war to rock this little ball of rock. Untold pain, death, and strife! The thought gave me warm fuzzy-es. I'd avenged my father, what more could a mare want in life? Luna spend a thousand years trapped on the moon with her demons, and Celestia spent a thousand years alone in a crowd, haunted by her guilt. It was a good day. That's also why I was in Zebrica at the time. Discord looked closely at the necklace, "For the fairest?" He chuckled to an ambiance of quiet human sobs. "You think I'm pretty?" He had an eyebrow raised. I laughed bodily, nearly falling over. Smooth, Eris. "There's a story behind it, its kind of my calling card. You'll have to ask Auntie Tia about it." Seeing as I literally just told the damn story. Though it is a good story... nah. "I'm sure she'll have TONS to tell you." I giggled. Its not often I giggle but damn its cute. Yu~up. You're really cute, Eris. That's why you're talking to aliens. I quickly crushed that line of though. None of those thoughts tonight. Dizzy pulled me into a full bodied hug, "Thank you sweetheart. I love it." The smell of cotton candy, chocolate milk, and a little gun powder flooded my nostrils. I assume that the smell of apples and angel wing dust flooded his nostrils but you can never be to sure. "I'm glad you like it. Now turn around so I can put it on you." He did and I clipped it around his neck. After I did he spent a few seconds smiling at it. That gave me warm fuzzy-es too. After that we spend the night mostly watching the fire and swapping stories. Mostly catching up. Honestly I did most of the talking seeing as I was free a lot longer. He asked again about my golden apples but I told him he really needs to talk to my aunts about the whole thing. Preferably without the other present. I told him he'd probably get vastly different stories about the whole ordeal and they'd both be hilarious. Another weird thing he'd started calling the so-so-fancy royal sisters my aunts. I did too, almost immediately. It dripped with to much irony not to touch. We sat there for a little while longer staring at the flames. Hey, who says chaos gods can't sit back and relax? Then Discord looked over at my new pet, "I think your human finally stopped." It had gotten kind of annoying... "Think we should take it to the vet?"