//------------------------------//
// Chapter Two: I don't think we're in Bowerstone any more, Canis. 
// Story: Fable 2: Equine Hijinks 
// by DarkParable 
//------------------------------//

	"Oh bend me over and bugger me backwards, that bloody well HURT it did." I muttered to myself as I slowly pulled my sorry carcass into a sitting position. "Feels like that time a troll kicked me in the skull." Apparently they don't take compliments too well... I mean all I did was say it's head'd look nice on my wall. Oh well, either way I woke up with a KILLER headache and, oddly enough, the taste of the good old Gang-green Fairy on my tongue. It's be best for all of us if I don't speak on how I know what that stuff tastes like, or why I know that badgers are really handsy in the morning.

Frowning softly I stretched slowly before going over my normal morning ritual. Boots? In place. Pants? Yep those are there too. Belt and belt pouches? Right were they should be. Decency cover for the sake of keeping ye olde attention getters in place? Tight as ever. Sword? Right were i... I reached back, grasping at the air a few times and coming up empty handed again and again. The hilt of my lovely blood letter wasn't where it should be. Come to think of it I couldn't feel the weight of my harness or the sword itself either. My frown deepened further as I patted my pockets and came up empty. Damn it, my clockwork pistol was gone too. I rarely used the damn thing, but it was the only way to shut those thrice blasted gargoyles up. Just to test things I gathered my will and had to stifle a sight of relief as a simple force spell took shape between my upheld hands. I cycled through the rest of my spells, nodding in satisfaction as each one came at my call. Well, unarmed but still dangerous wasn't the way I preferred to be, but it worked I suppose.

It was as the final spell was allowed to die off that I got the surprise of my adult life... You know, aside from that time I got killed and came back from the dead. That was pretty surprising honestly. Still, popping up all not dead after a bullet through the heart has nothing on suddenly getting an eye-full of a little white horse in a fancy coat... Give said horse a horn and that little kid drawing quality and yeah... I was staring one of those down.

Now the second biggest surprise came when it opened it's mouth and spoke, quite plainly if so poshly I immediately wanted to find out if it'd taste good spit roasted. "Ah, awake I see foul creature. You shall behave or I, Prince Blueblood, shall be forced to handle you most roughly."

Ok... Now I'll admit to finding a few threats amusing, even cutely flattering at times, this though... This was just embarrassing. It only got even more so for the little horse thing as I stood up and crossed my arms. Shadows ire I know I'm a short little shit, but this thing... It came up to my tits. Yeah, try being intimidating when you're a kinda cute, an obvious fop, and shorter than one of Albion's shortest women. Doesn't work. Doesn't work at all. Know what always works though? Stupidity, and this thing apparently had it in spades 'cuz it kept right on talking.

"Oh, by Celestia you are an ugly thing aren't you. Auntie may have said I am to keep an eye on you until those dratted fillies get back from dear Cadence's new empire, but I'd rather be one of those dirt ponies than be associated with something so vile looking." he paused his ranting to stomp a hoof for emphasis, further cementing his place on my personal list of utter prats. "You shall remain here, locked away until such a time that... Twilight Sparkle may she be set upon by timberwolves ...Returns to take charge of you. I warn you now... Creature... So much as move wrong and I shall show you why I was top duelist in my academy days."

Yep... I'd heard enough.

Unfolding my arms I stared him down, knowing just how unsettling I could be. When something with eyes like mine just looks at you and doesn't make a sound it tends to make folks nervous. When something with eyes like mine stares you down, doesn't make a single sound, and slowly draws in more will to accentuate their will lines it tends to make you wish for some brown trousers. When all the previous was done to this little thing though it just blew it off, secure in it's prat-ish-ness and preconceived superiority. Yeah, I was going to rectify that... Or I was before being interrupted by the sudden appearance of a large bundle of black fur, red eyes, and teeth. Big teeth at that. My beloved and faithful fur-ball. Canis, the hell hound. Or so the villagers called him anyways. To me he'd always be my little boy.

Doing his usual act of popping out of bloody nowhere Blueblood suddenly found himself face to snout with a big doggy grin. A grin that stretched wider as I reached down and rubbed at my dog's ears.

Now, not sure if anyone would be aware of this, but my dog has, as I said a moment ago, some really big teeth. Now nothing ridiculous like puppy-buckteeth. Nothing over sized like them big cat things with the daggers in their mouths that some alchemist showed me a drawing of once either. No, he was a big dog and that meant big teeth. Big teeth and dog breath right in your face is enough to give anyone pause of course. This "prince" wasn't an exception to that rule. Didn't help that Canis was the friendly sort and decided to give old Bluebollocs a big sloppy hello kiss.

What can I say, he's a people puppy, I'm just the stab happy woman who owns him.

Watching a horny horse sputter and nearly brain itself stupider with it's hooves in an effort to get dog droll off it's face actually got me to crack a smile, one with pointed teeth of course. Little gift from the shadows to make draining blood easier. Never put them to use really, I get by on potions and celery. Girl's gotta keep her figure somehow!

"Oh YUCK! Help! Ach! Canine germs! Call a medic!" ranted Canis' newest, unwilling, buddy. I couldn't help but chuckle at him now, it was just too funny not to.

"Go play with him boy, but don't eat him. Since he talks I wanna keep him. Always wanted a pack horse." I said as I patted my dog on the head, drawing a happy bark from him as he set off to do as told. He's such a good boy like that. Now, with my would be slave master occupied by slobbery and friendly mutt I went back to what I had been doing before being rudely interrupted by his royal prat-ness.

So, mental rep! No weapons, got my magic and clothes, found my dog and I didn't have to go killing over sized birds to do it this time, and apparently I've been arrested by some form of talking horse that's the size of a large kid... Well at least it couldn't get too much weirder, right?

Somewhere, a dastardly man named Murphy twiddled his curly mustache, adjusted his top hat, and let out a diabolical chuckle as his law was envoked... Bloody tosser.

No sooner had I asked myself that question before my dog came flying right into me with a yelp, from both of us. Blueblood had gotten back to his hooves and that little horn on his head was aglow. Yep, just got weirder. Horses with horns and apparently some kind of minor force spell... Glad I was one sturdy gal, otherwise I'd have been knocked right off my feet. Canis, the lovable lug, was heavy.

On that note, "No more treats for awhile boy, you're getting a bit long in the middle." There, dog properly notified of his growing belly and weight. Tiny horse with the light up facial cock-up unamused and looking about ready to try casting spells again. Yep, not having that. Not at all. Flick of a finger and a bit of will and I directed a minor force spell right at his horn.

It hit like a punch from a hobbe, not particularly hard, but hard enough to sting. I speak from experience there. In any case, summat unexpected happened. The glow went out of his horn, he yelped in pain, and then promptly fell over. Ok... I know he was like some giant walking stuffed doll and all, but that was just too easy. "For shadow's sake... Canis, never let me go and pick up statuettes again boy. Seems something weird always happens when I do... Least this time it wasn't a talking garden gnome."

Canis, being the smart dog he was, wagged his tail and barked an affirmative. This earned him a nice little scratch behind the ears as I took a look out the open and now unguarded doorway. Way too much color out there to be good old Albion. Also quite a few similar little horses in... Armor? Who wore armor any more? watching with what I had to guess was amusement and bordem. Definitely not home... "Canis." I said. "I think this is the last time I ever pick up anything that isn't either edible, a weapon, or a health potion... Because, we obviously ain't in Albion any more." If the little horse things didn't tip me off to that it was the banner proclaiming quite plainly "Welcome to Equestia, kill anypony and I swear I'll show you how to make cupcakes -Pinkie"