”Anoon.” Seriously? “Anooon.” Not again with this shit.
“Piss off Ramses, I’m tired of your shit!”
”Hehehe, you kiss your mother with that mouth, or just your precious Dashie?” …What? The voice lets out a bellowing laugh. “That got your attention well enough.”
“What the hell are you talking about?
”Oh, but I think you do.” The voice lets out another chuckle. ”What did you call it, a night to remember?” Jeez, how much did you drink last night? You remember the bar, some ponies, and a lot of alcohol… ”Hmmm, do you really not remember?”
“Who are you? Show yourself!” The jimmies have been thoroughly rustled.
”You don’t know me? I’m insulted.” A splitting headache erupts, your mind losing control. Your body feels constricted, claws brushing against your sides. “It’s only me…” The voice no more than a whisper.You can feel its warm breath on your ear. “Discord.”
Your body springs to life, jolting upright. Sweat dripping down your face. Fuck your head hurts, but the voice… Discord’s voice… is gone. Just another dream Anon. Another terrible fucking dream. You feel around, trying to survey your surroundings. You’re in bed, the sheets sticking from your sweat. Ever so slightly you open your eyes, the sun’s ray forcing them back closed. Your first hangover, and by the way things are turning out, it’ll also be your last.
You stumble out of bed, your body limp and fatigued. The window is just a few feet away, curtains wide open. The curtains scrapes, causing another barrage of pain. Seriously, fuck hangovers. You finally manage to unclench your eyes. The room is pitch black, the curtains finally serving a purpose. You hang your head noticing Johnson, your partner in crime, enjoying the fresh air. The bastard is always getting you into trouble.
Let’s see… Time? 11:36? To hell with it, you can sleep in late for once. You make it back to bed, tripping over air a few times on the way back. Slipping under the soggy covers you curl up next to Dash. Enjoying a nice and quiet… “Dash!”
Wall and man are now one, or damn near close to it. Any more force and you might have had a new Anon shaped hole in the wall. Dash is still in bed, sleeping away, a little drool dropping onto your pillow. You’d d’aaw if you were sure you hadn’t taken a trip down animal lover lane. What did you get me into now Jonhson?
You ease off the wall, kneeling next to Rainbow Dash. “Dash.” Nothing. “Dash.” You give a quick snap next to her ear. No Response… “Don’t you ignore me… DASH!” You give her a light smack on the head. We’ve got movement.
She opens her eyes, giving you a smile. ”Morning Anon.”
You look her dead in the eye… “Did I have sex with you last night?
Poof! Wing boner. “No! Did I or did I not, screw you?”
”I thought th-“
“It’s a simple question. Yes or no!” Rainbow Dash remains silent, now somewhat glaring at you. You’ve seen this game play out before; you just hope it ends differently. “Ok Dash look…” You calm down a bit, trying to settle things peacefully. “I’m going to take a shower, and when I come back I want a straight answer. Ok?” She just nods her head, giving you a look of contempt. “Ok, I’ll be right back.”
The water is extra cold today. Though you deserve as much. Snapping at Rainbow was completely uncalled for. She is probably just as confused as you. You scrub harder, trying to remove all the douche you have built up. Things were just starting to turn out well too. You get out and dry off, walking back to your bedroom.
Rainbow seems to have made her way over to the window, unfazed by the light. Apparently ponies don’t have hangovers like humans do. Luck assholes. You quickly get dressed, tossing last night’s clothes in the hamper. “Just start whenever you’re ready…” Sitting on the bed, you wait. She doesn’t even look at you as she speaks.
”Yes.” Well there goes your weekend. You open your mouth to speak, but no words come out. What should you say? What CAN you say? You just shot your relationship with her in the knee. No apology can fix that.
“Do- Do you want something to eat?”
”I think I’ll just wash up.” Yeah, you fucked up.
“Fair enough.” You stop in the doorway. “Bathroom’s on the left.”
”Thanks.” Not even trying to hold back the resent in her voice.
You pour yourself a bowl of Wonder Crisps, ‘The Breakfast of Champions’ it boasts. “I sure don’t feel like a champion.” You hear the water begin to run upstairs. Picking up a fresh towel, you climb up to the bathroom. A few sniffles and sobs manage to make it over the shower. I hope you’re proud of yourself Anon. You set down the towel and go back downstairs.
The cereal tastes like crap, but you manage to get it down. Being an ass tends to put a bad taste in your mouth. You wash off the bowl, and place it with the others. Water finally stops running. You wait a few minutes for Rainbow to come on down. Hopefully you can think of something to say…
Rainbow Dash comes bounding down the stairs. She gives you a glance before making her way to the door. “Where you going?”
”Where do you think?”
She opens the door, only to have you slam it closed from afar. “We need to talk.” She attempts to force the door open, but to no avail.
”Open the door Anon!”
“Like I said,” sitting on the sofa, “we need to talk.” Her jimmies be a rustlin.
”We have nothing to talk about, now let me out.”
You shake your head.“I know I’ve been an asshole.”
”You’ve got that right.”
This is going nowhere, but you have to try. “I’m sorry, but you have to put yourself in my shoes.”
”Buck you Anon. I thought we had fun last night.” Her eyes start getting watery.
”And when you kissed me last night… I actually thought you liked me.” Step in Anon.
“I do like you Dash. You’re special to me.” You’ve got a bite, just reel her in. “But you have to understand, I’ve never even been comfortable with other human girls. And you’re not a regular girl.” Go Anon go. “I wasn’t ready for this, not so soon.” Keep it up… “I wanted this to be special, not just for me, but for you as well.”
You open the door. “If you want to go, then fine. I just needed to let you know where I stand.” You put your head down, content with your speech. The door clicks closed, leaving just you and your thoughts. “Cya Dash.” So this is what it feels like to lose something you love. A piece of you… gone…
”I’m not going anywhere,” a familiar Pegasus sitting next to you. Fucking Troll Dash. ”I’m guess I’m sorry about how I acted as well.” She wraps a hoof around you, ”I shouldn’t have forced myself on you.”
“No no, it’s my fault. We were both pretty hammered; I just kept egging you on.”
”Maybe YOU were hammered, but I was still going strong.”
“Pfft, whatever. You were one sip from tanking. How about lunch at the café, my treat?
”I guess I can stand to be around you a little longer.” She gives you a playful smack across the face. Everything went better than expected.
God that sun is bright.
You’ve still got a hangover, but it seems to have quieted down for now.
”Hey Dash, can I ask you a question?”
”Shoot.”
“Promise not to laugh?”
”Jeez, just spit it out.”
You take a deep breathe. “How was I?” She stares at you, cheeks puffed to full puffiness. She’s trying not to laugh. She’s losing. “Oh come on!” Gone.
”Bwahahahahaaaaa. Really Anon?” You’re not sure how she can stay flying while laughing like that. “Boy Anon, they sure don’t make ‘em like you anymore?”
You think for a second. “So was that your answer?” Rainbow Dash breaks out in another burst of laughter. Turns out you should’ve been a comedian.
”You were alright I guess, maybe not the best,” giving you a wink. ”But you’re definitely in the top 5.”
“Top 5? How many stallions have you been with exactly?”
You both arrive at the café, she takes a seat and extends a rather creepy smile. “Who said they were stallions?” Bitches be creepy yo.
The rest of lunch was pretty uneventful, though the patrons gave you and Dash some pretty strange looks. Every time you looked at them they just looked away. Fucking ponies. You hand over some bits, catching a few more glances from the other ponies. The fuck is wrong with them? “HEY!” God dammit Ninja Pinkie!
”Hey Pinkie.” Dash doesn’t even flinch at Pinkie’s appearance, something you will never understand.
“Hello Pinkie Pie.”
”Ooh aren’t you two just so cute together!” What? ”I always knew you would come around Anon. You know what this means…”
“Actually, Pinkie, I don’t.”
”Me either.” Dash adds in, just as confused, “What in Equestria on are you on about?”
“The paper silly! Didn’t you see?” Pinkie pulls out a newspaper out of thin air, throwing it on the table. “See?”
‘Anon’s Dash of Love ~ Love is in the air at The Broken Record as Ponyville’s own Rainbow Dash and new resident Anon were seen sharing a romantic evening before retreating back home for a mysterious rendervous. Will their physical differences be enough to stop the power of love?’ If that wasn’t enough there’s a cluster of photos showing the two of you together dancing, drinking… kissing.
”How the in hay did they get these?” Dash snatches the paper from you.
”They just followed you around and took a photo silly. How else do people get pictures?”
”Pinkie, how many copies are there of this?”
”Dunno, the paper’s been printing it out all day.”
”Anon, we have to get the rest of these before- the- Anon? You ok?”
“Oh me? I’m fine.” Your eye begins to twitch, your body shaking slightly. ”Just you know… rusted jimmies is all… I’ll be going for a walk now.
>”This is a bit more pressing, we need to-“
“Going For A Walk! Be Back Maybe.” You walk away, body twitching as it tries to contain your jimmies. Hours seem to pass as you keep walking… The same pictures keep running through your head, the two of you together, the way those ponies were looking at you. God, it makes so much sense now. You look up, just you, a barren field and the night sky. You pretty sure you’re out of earshot of Ponyville. “KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHN!“
You release your very jimmies into the sky! “How. In. The. FUCK! ONE FUCKING DAY! GOD DAMNIT!” Cursing just makes you angrier. ”Ffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-“
”ENOUGH!” A voice tremors from beneath the earth. You watch angrily as a group of humanoid dogs burrow out of the ground, surrounding you. ”You too loud! You leave or Diamond Dogs MAKE YOU!” Oh, and then there’s this guy. You’re just so fucking angry…
“Make me faggot!”
”Graaah!” Your attackers scream as they charge you. You raise your hands, imagining them wrapped around one of the dogs.
“Fuck you too.” One of the dogs collapses, it whimpering on the ground. Concentrate on its neck, make it suffer. You can hear its bones cracking at your will. Its eyes bulge as you force all the blood into its brain. One of the free dogs claws at your face before you can finish it off. He’ll have to wait.
You step back, increasing the distance between you and them, if only for a second. You raise a group of shields, advancing on their position. “Go time!” You drive your knee into the closest dog’s face, his nose gushing a torrent of blood. Keeping momentum, you leap frog over his head, planting your fist across his comrade’s neck. You notice several mutts make their way out of the ground, reinforcing their masters.“More toys…” you mutter, your vision basked in red. At this point you’re running on pure rage, abandoning all reason, just intent on ruining someone else’s day.
You summon a few green orbs, not unlike those used by Twilight, just more dangerous. Most of the mutts dodge the first pair you throw, a few weren’t so lucky, collapsing in a heap of seared flesh. You grab another orb with your hand, dogs only seconds from melee range. “RAAAA!” You manage to strike a mutt in the belly, focusing the orbs energy on that spot. Its body collapses on you, innards spewing on your jeans. “This was a gift!” You throw its corpse at an oncoming mutt with a mere thought, bouncing on your feet ready to continue the fight.
A hidden mutt manages to clasp on your back, biting down on your exposed neck. Reaching back, you gouge at its eyes with your fingers, using the sockets as leverage to throw him over you. You cover the wound with your hand, unable to stop the flux of blood. Numerous dogs converge on you, taking advantage of your situation. Desperately, you launch your shields at them, turning the shields into makeshift cleavers. The majority drop, nothing more than a pile of sliced meat now while the rest flee back down from whence they came.
You limp back over to your original victim, still squealing from its broken bones. “Didn’t th- *cough cough* think I’d forgot about you did you? You hack up some blood, infringing your speech. “You should of *hack* stayed in your *cough* fucking hole.”
”Please, ah spare me please.”
“No.”
”Anon!” you hear the mane 6 call out to you, fast on approach, trying to get your attention. Not this time. Not this time. You raise your fist in the air, permeated with the anger and chaos you possess.”Anon wait!” You turn your head, noticing too late the purple orb’s approach.
“Fuck.” The attack was only meant to stun you, but the loss of blood and sudden trauma cause you to gradually lose consciousness.
”Get out of here,” Twilight sparing the Diamond Dog from his fate. You can hear the others mutter to each other, all just gibberish to you.
“You *cough cough* do care…” Your muscles go slack as you close your eyes, any strength or anger you had left evaporating from your mind.
It’s just you and the blackness. Peaceful blackness.”Hello Anon….”