Chapter 6: Ace Attorney Investigations: Miles Edgeworth
Miles Edgeworth sat in his office drinking the finest tea in the world. He was struggling with a case, and there was only one person in the universe that he could turn to. This person was the same one who had educated him about fancy teas, and the only person he loved and respected enough to be on a first-name basis with; the sophisticated and worldly Cassandra.
"Hey Miles, nice flowers" said Cassandra
"Aaaugh! When did you get here?"
"I had a feeling you'd need my help, so I stopped by."
"Well, your feeling was right. And the flowers are from my stalker, Wendy Oldbag."
"I see. And I'm guessing that names in your universe have the same sort of predetermination that they do in mine?"
"Yep, she's old."
"I could use an age spell to make her young again. At least then your stalker will be a hot girl."
"I suppose that could work."
"Alright then. How old should I make her?"
"Erm, I don't know... seventeen?"
"Try again."
"How about twenty five?"
"See, now that wasn't so hard!"
"Sorry, I've been so closed off from relationships that I forgot the cutoff point of appropriacy. It's like, I have my profession and my books, why do I even need the company of others?"
"You remind me of somepony I know" remarked Cassandra, "but with an actual chance of getting laid sometime in your life."
*****
Miles and Cassandra began their investigation, and were joined by Kay Faraday, the self-proclaimed master thief.
"Ah, now I understand 'seventeen'" said Cassandra.
"What?" asked Kay
"Never mind. Just maybe consider getting some friends your own age."
"But Miles gives me candy and Steel Samurai toys" protested Kay, "and it's ok because he's not a stranger."
"As the Element of Trust, I advise you to stop talking." Kay pouted, but complied.
"Now then Miles, what clues to we have?"
"A pair of bloody scissors, and a scissor shaped wound in the victim."
"Try connecting them" said the pegasus who was as brilliant as she was beautiful
"O-kay" said Edgeworth dubiously. The Logic screen opened, and he cautiously connected the two events, "EUREKA!!! The scissors are the murder weapon. Thank you Cassandra, I should have trusted you."
"I never get tired of hearing that."
*****
"Ok, I'm ready, throw it!"
"Sure thing Cassandra." Kay picked up an apple and tossed it into the air. Cassandra whipped out her katana and sliced away at the apple. When it hit the ground, it collapsed into razor-thin slices in the shape of the Yatagarasu symbol.
"Whoa Cassandra! How'd you learn to do that?"
"Oh that old trick? I just sort of picked it up after watching Naruto, I watched the original run because I'm fluent in Japanese. Both were very helpful skills to have when I was the original Great Thief Yatgarasu."
Kay gasped, "No way! You were the original warrior of justice and truth?"
"Among other things. Back in my world, I'm the princess's long-lost sister."
"She is also one of the few people I have met who is not a fool." said Franziska, "I would be honoured just to stand opposite her in court, even if I lost."
"Someday Franzy, someday. For now I have to get to the courtroom and help Edgeworth seal the deal on his case." She took off like a supersonic rocket.
"I'm aroused." said Franziska to Kay.
"I didn't know that was possible" said Kay
"Nor did I."
*****
"Hey Miles. I trust you've been able to hold everything together in the fifteen minutes I've been gone."
"Well then you're in for a surprise." Cassandra facehoofed,
"Seriously Miles? Maybe this is why Phoenix always beats you."
"I am ready to give my verdict" said the judge, "Prosecutor Edgeworth, you were very foolhardy to think you could do this without Cassandra's help."
"Not so fast, judge, Edgeworth has one more thing he wants to say." She nudged Edgeworth
"Cassandra, I don't think-" Cassandra looked him in the eye confidently and gave a reassuring nod. "Ok then. Ladies and gentlemen of the court, I have something to announce... I, Miles Edgworth, am a Steely!"
There was a murmur in the crowd, which the judge silenced with his gavel. Edgeworth continued,
"I am a diehard fan of the Steel Samurai cartoon. It is not just for kids, it can be enjoyed by people of all ages." He changed out his white cravat for one with the Steel Samurai emblem, "I've gone to Steelcons all over the globe and bought all kinds of Steel Samurai merchandise from Hot Topic." He ripped off his suit to reveal the Steel Samurai T-shirt he was wearing underneath. "And lastly..." he slammed down a huge stack of papers on the desk, "I submit to evidence my entire collection of Steel Samurai fanfiction, in which the Steel Samurai needs help convicting all the bad guys he's defeated!"
"Your evidence is accepted, Mr. Edgeworth" said the Judge, "but I do hope there is none of that vile 'Regulation 34' I have heard about."
Edgeworth surreptitiously removed a few dozen pages from the stack and threw them in the garbage. "Of course not, your honor."
<Evidence added to court record: Edgeworth's fanfiction>
"Wow Mr. Edgeworth, it's so cool and subversive that you like a kids' show" said Rhoda Tenerio, "when I get off my flight attendant shift, do you want to go on a date?"
"Say yes, Miles" whispered Cassandra.
"Well," said the judge "in honor of Prosecutor Edgeworth's bravery, which is owed entirely to Cassandra, I find the defendant guilty!"
Confetti fell from the sky to signify a victory.
"Cassandra, you did it!" exclaimed Edgeworth, "How can we ever thank you?"
"I need a new practice kissing partner, can I take and ponify Cammy Meele?"
"That sounds reasonable. Any objections Cammy?"
"Guuuuh the Borgnian suitcase is,,, the Mr iFly.. zzzzzz" gurgled Cammy, fast asleep.
"That settles it then!" declared Cassandra, " off to Equestria we go!"