//------------------------------// // Despair // Story: The Party Breaker // by PonyXpress //------------------------------// Pinkie walked through the darkened town at an incredibly slow pace with every ounce of negative emotion she could carry. She forced her tears to stop rolling, she didn't want anyone to catch her in this state. Her head hung low, her poofy mane bobbling with each down trodden step. Every so often, the saddened pink mare would sniffle, forcing back the sobs that so desperately yearned to release themselves. Her mind processed the event over and over in her head. She began to blame herself, then Big Mac, then Fluttershy, which soon brought the blame back to her. "None of them are to blame" She muttered to herself "I should have said something sooner" Pinkie clamped her eyes shut hard, pressing the tears beginning to form to the corners of her eyes. Each step she took was like an extra dagger in her hoof. She desperately wanted to lay herself down, and cry. She wanted to let everything out, lift off the weight of the burden she now carried. Sugarcube corner's appearance seemed different in the night. It felt dark and lonely, dulled down by the lack of lights surrounding it. It's colors seemed faded, as though something had sucked the life right out of the building. Pinkie made her way inside the sweet building with a creak. The sweet scent of the bakery couldn't so much as budge Pinkie's mood as she slowly walked by and up the stairs. "Everyone must be sleeping" she whispered to herself. She made her way down the corridor. She quickly peeked into the babies' room. There they were, sleeping soundly in their crib. For the first time since that afternoon, Pinkie smiled. She closed the door, turning to for her room, even it was dull. The usually bright colors of her room felt, bland and boring. She rushed over to Gummy crawling over the floor and picked him up. She hugged him tightly as he gave out a muffled gargle as though to greet his owner. "Oh my gosh Gummy! I can't believe what just happened" She whispered She released him from the hug and carried him over to her bed, collapsing on the soft sheets with a thud. Her eyes stared at the ceiling for several minutes. Gummy sat comfortably in her arms wriggling his tail every once in a while just to show he was still there. Pinkie's chest burned up, she felt sick in the stomach, there was nothing she could do to change it. She sniffled once more, blocking the sudden wave of despair that tried to creep out. "I can't cry Gummy, I can't tell anyone" She told the her green pet "You can't tell anyone how I feel okay Gummy?" Pinkie held the green alligator above her. Her eyes watered, glistening in the little light there was in the room. She lowered Gummy down on her chest rolling herself over on her side as she tugged her blankets up and over her. She leaned her head down giving Gummy a little kiss on his scaly head. "Good night Gummy" She sobbed The pink mare closed her eyes, sleeping proved to be no challenge at all. ---------------- Pinkie found herself in a blank white space. There was nothing around her for miles. Just white. She looked around, left, right, up, down. The look downwards startled her for a moment. She wasn't standing on anything, just floating in white space. She took a few moments to recollect her thoughts. "Hello~!?" She called out Pinkie took a few steps forward, wondering what exactly was going on. Her face contorted into confusion until she felt a presence behind her. Her head jerked around to look at who was standing behind her. "F....Fluttershy?" The white space around her seemed to dissolve and fade. Small grains of color fell from the sky, wavering and swaying in clouds down towards the two ponies. The clouds of color fell into place, as though filling in a picture of some kind. Pinkie spun her head around at her surroundings being newly created right in front her very eyes. The small grains of color slotted together, forming a rather familiar place. The image blurred and swirled, until it all became clear. Pinkie stood on the hill her and Fluttershy had spent countless hours on. The sun was high in the sky, the blue sky gave the pink earth pony a sense of clarity. She looked back at Fluttershy, who simply sat on the grass staring out at into the air. Pinkie took a few steps towards her, the grass felt soothing against her hooves. The sound of birds and wind filled Pinkie's ears. "Fluttershy?" She called The pegasus turned her head to Pinkie. Her face displayed a heartwarming smile. "Hello Pinkie" She said quietly "It's nice to see you again" Pinkie looked at her for a moment before rushing over. "Fluttershy!" She laughed as she took a seat next to her "It's good to see you too!" Fluttershy turned her head back out to the sky. Pinkie looked turned her head, looking out at the sky, mimicking Fluttershy's movements. Her eyes widened when she saw the blue sky had turned bright shades of pink. Magenta colored dots littered the sky with faded lights. Small oddly shaped sweets hovered in the sky like large stars. "Isn't it beautiful?" Fluttershy murmured Pinkie gazed out at the wonderful sight in front of her, it was like staring into a room full of every kind of sweet treat you could ever imagine. "It...really is" Pinkie agreed wholeheartedly "You know" Fluttershy's voice felt different, it was definitely Fluttershy's voice but something made it seem a lot more soothing "It kind of reminds me of you" She finished with a soft giggle. Pinkie turned her head to the yellow pegasus still looking out the pink sky. She stifled a giggle herself. "It does huh?" Silence settled between the two ponies sitting on the grass. The pair of them simply looking out at the twists and turns of pink above them. The various cupcakes and sugary sweet slowly gliding across the sky. "Pinkie?" Fluttershy asked "Yes?" "Have you ever wondered what it would be like if we'd never met?" Pinkie frowned for a moment. The thought had never really crossed her mind. The question was somewhat jarring, striking her ears with some kind of unknown force causing her to jerk her head backwards in uncertainty. "Well...no not really" Pinkie replied "Have you?" The question didn't seem to move Fluttershy in the slightest, answering almost instantly. "Yes" She said bluntly "What did you think about?" "I wouldn't have anyone to make me smile the way you do" Fluttershy's tone didn't change at all. Pinkie felt a sense of reassurance. "But" "But?" Pinkie repeated "But if I had never met you, I'd never know how you could make me smile. I'd never have someone to talk to in the way you and I talk. I'd never know what I was missing" "Fluttershy..." Pinkie's face saddened "Are you ok? Is there something you're not telling me?" Pinkie leaned in towards her friend nuzzling her neck. "I'm fine Pinkie" Fluttershy answered with a faint giggle "But are you?" Pinkie pulled her head back abruptly, in slight shock. "I...I....what?" Pinkie stammered "Are you okay Pinkie?" Fluttershy repeated her question, turning her head to face the pink mare. "Tell her Pinkie" Pinkie spun around, behind her was, her. Pinkie saw herself, mane dull and straight, her coat darkened with sadness. The dull Pinkie gave off an eerie aura, something dark and dreary, something that didn't settle well. "What?" Pinkie retorted "Tell her, tell her! You have to tell her" The dull figure said Pinkie felt tears begin to well up in her eyes, her chest began to heave with the pressure of the situation escalating rapidly "I can't!" She rasped "Yes you can! Tell her!" The figure repeated "NO! I'll only upset her! She's happy the way she is, i don't want to make her feel sad" Pinkie sobbed. her tears breaking free of her eyes, rolling down her cheeks. Pinkie threw her head to the side, looking away from her alter ego. "Oh and it's alright for her to make you feel this way? Like you were never wanted? Like some throw away toy that she could just use at her leisure?" The dull pony's voice was filled with harshness and sarcasm. "That's not true! She's not like that..." Pinkie murmured The world around Pinkie began to shatter, darkness taking over the vibrant colors for the sky and the hills. Shades of blacks and whites drained the surroundings of life, Fluttershy faded to nothing with the swirls of darkness. Voices continually bombarded her, telling her things she refused ti accept. "No, NO! She's not using me, she's my friend, she didn't didn't mean to make me feel like that!" Pinkie snapped Small glistening droplets of salty liquid trailed from Pinkie's face, falling to the fading grass beneath her. Her body tightened, trying to fight the urge to shout and scream. "Sure, believe what you like, but even if she doesn't mean to hurt you, does that make it any better? Do you find comfort in that?" "Well...." Pinkie sniffled though her cries "No..." "Exactly! Tell her! She deserves to know!" "I can't! Stop asking me to!" Pinkie stood firmly on her views, refusing to budge "I'm not going to tell her, I don't want to confuse her. If she wants to be with Applejacks brother then that's none of my business" Pinkie said, admitting defeat to losing the pony she had such strong feelings for. "What if she feels the same way about you Pinkie? What if you just need to tell her to find out?" Pinkie's dark self said in an attempt to sway her. "How could she? She likes Big mac, I'm sure she doesn't feel the same way about me" "You'll never know if you don't try" "I don't care" Pinkie stated firmly The dark Pinkie growled at Pinkie's persistence, snapping once again to hard words. "And you're just expecting to bottle up this whole ordeal and deal with it? Yeah right, you'll carry this for the rest of you're life, it'll strike you down the moment it breaks loose. You'll see Fluttershy everyday, a constant reminder of the time you were too weak to try. How do you expect to live your life when the pony you love is the pony you have to avoid just because you can't handle looking at her anymore?!" The apparition stomped it's hoof down hard on the ground. Pinkie's face bent into anger, her tears now freely flowing down her face with sobs and cries that would strike anypony else with the torturing sadness that Pinkie carried inside her. "You know what? Yes I will! I'll keep it to myself, that way she won't ever know and she won't have to deal with it" The dulled self figure gave her a stern and sinister look. "If you won't tell her...I'll make you tell her" "No way! I won't let you!" Pinkie growled back Pinkie's dark self took a step forward giving out a crazed laugh. "Oh you'll let me" The grey figure sneered Pinkie noticed the knife in her hand as she lifted it above her head. The knife pushed itself towards her with lightning speed. Pinkie's eyes shot open as she found herself back home, in her bed. She was sweating profusely with tears on her cheeks, dampening her pillow. She looked down at her stomach, feeling with her hooves for any injuries, thankfully there was nothing. She raised her hoof to he head, scratching her mane with a yawn. "Just a dream..." She muttered to herself She rolled out of her bed, stretching her limbs out for the first time in the new day. "More like nightmare I think" She looked down at Gummy scuttling across the floor, already playing the day away. "I can't let anyone know about this, I'm going to be the same happy Pinkie Pie everypony knows" She grinned with confidence. She bottled the depression and despair deep within herself, refusing to let it get in the way of her relations with her friends, or Fluttershy. She knew it was going to be difficult, but if she spent enough time keeping it back, maybe it would leave her alone. Pinkie continued through her day, suppressing her depression with pride. She'd decided that it'd be best for her to avoid Fluttershy for now, at least until she'd learned to handle the pain to a degree. Her morning was as it usually was, baking various goods for the Cakes, earning her share to stay in the room she occupied just above them. The work helped keep her mind focused on the task in front of her rather than the dream that plagued her mind last night. Pony after pony came piling into the store, Pinkie had never seen the shop so busy before. She simultaneously had to serve customers while baking. The pink earth pony rushed back and forth between the counter and the oven. Several ponies had asked if she was okay working this hard on her own. She'd simply smile and nod, giving a 'Yep!' before heading back to her work. There were several large orders to fill for the day, not making things any easier. Pinkie was grateful for the work to keep her busy. Soon enough the work began to die down and fewer ponies came by to purchase the bakery's sweets. Pinkie finally took a moment to relax after cleaning the mess made from the hard day of work. "Phew...why was it so crazy today?" She muttered under her exhausted breaths She raised a hoof to wipe her forehead clear of the beads of sweat that began to form on her light pink coat. The jingle of the door bell filled the bakery yet again, Pinkie stood herself up, guarding the counter ready to serve the new customer. Her face twisted into a look of surprise when she saw Twilight walking towards her. "Twilight?" Pinkie questions "What brings you here? Looking for something sweet to eat?" Twilight halted her walking casually looking at the bright decor that littered the bakery's interior. "Actually Pinkie, I came to see how you were doing today, I haven't seen you all day and I figured maybe something was up" Pinkie let out a laugh. "Silly filly, I'm fine, I've just been working hard here, we've had a very busy day you know. I had no idea how many ponies liked sweet things!" Twilight couldn't help but giggle. "So how did things go with Fluttershy yesterday? Did you tell her how you feel?" Pinkie felt her mood instantly drop on the inside, she felt the bottled emotions leak. Yet on the outside, she stood strong, forcing out her smile that everypony knew so well. "Oh I didn't end up telling her, turns out she's already got a special somepony" Pinkie giggled Twilight gasped, bringing a hoof to her mouth. "What! Are you alright?" Twilight took a few hasty steps forward in worry. "I'm fine Twi" Pinkie laughed "Are you sure? You...don't feel bad...at all?" Pinkie nodded again. Twilight began to question Pinkie's devotion to her feelings, beginning to think maybe it was just a fling. Something she didn't take as seriously as she said she did. It was either that or Pinkie was hiding something. "If you say so Pinkie" Twilight shrugged it off, she didn't want to pry "So do you know who it is?" Pinkie nodded again "I'm not sure if I should tell you though, I'm sure you'll find out soon enough" "Well okay then, as long as you're alright" Twilight left the store slightly worried about Pinkie. The pink pony lowered her head to the ground with a sigh. Her mood dropped instantly as she decided to call it a day. She headed for the back room, where Mr and Mrs Cake were usually checking stock around dusk. She peeped her head into the room. "I think I'm done for the day Mr and Mrs Cake" The two ponies in the room looked at the exhausted pink mare with empathy. "Alright then dear" Mrs cake smiled Pinkie left the room as soon as she was given the okay. She made her way up to her room, her dull, darkened room. Gummy was still crawling about the floor, enjoying himself to the best of his ability. "I wish I was you Gummy" Pinkie said as she pushed the door shut behind her. "You don't have to worry about all these crazy things we ponies have to deal with" Pinkie rolled her eyes in sarcasm. She slumped herself on her bed, staring at her ceiling again. She looked up at the same spot for a few seconds. Seconds ticked on to minutes. The spot began to warp and twist, her eyes playing tricks on her. Her mind began to wander as the minutes soon flowed on to hours. The sun had long since gone, Pinkie still laying in her bed, looking at the roof above her. Pinkie pulled herself up off her bed, walking over to a small cabinet she had in the corner of her room. The sat herself down and yanked it open. The small containment was filled with dozens and dozens of various types of sugary sweets. Candy canes, sweet rolls, bon bons, you name it, it was likely in there. Pinkie began to chow down on mouthfuls of sweetness, hoping the sugar binge would help calm her down. The taste in her mouth surprisingly took her mind off the pain, she gobbled faster and faster. Trying to press down the thoughts of sadness and despair. Before long Pinkie toppled backwards, closing her eyes for a moment to take a nap. Her nap soon turned into an all night sleep.