//------------------------------// // Chapter 2: Ponyville Tour // Story: Anon in Equestria // by Bastinator //------------------------------// ”Anooon” Not this shit again. “Anoooon. Return the slab.” I’m not falling for- Wait what? “Return the slab, or suffer my curse” God dammit Ramses. Time to wake up you stupid fuck. It’s go time. “Stupid dreams.” You look at the clock on the wall, 5:57. Yep, it’s time to get up alright. You slowly get out of bed, making sure not to wake a tired Twilight. Looking back, you can’t help but d’aaw. Twilight quietly lays there, her hind legs slightly twitching as she hugs a little pony doll. At this rate you’ll turn fag in no time. Turning away, you head down the stairs. Twilight was supposed to talk to you last night, about what you don’t know. Probably about what was up with that bitch Celestia. Just thinking about her fills with you rage. Gotta calm down there bud. If there’s one thing that’ll get your mind off of this shit its books. Good ol’ boring ass books. Twilight is still sound asleep, so you might as well learn while you wait. You start pulling out books… Equestria 101 “I know I’m going to regret this…” 132 bottles of beer on the wall, 132 bottles of beer. Take one down, pass it around, 131 bottles of beer on the wall. How is Twilight not up yet? You’ve been waiting here for hours. “Morning Anon.” “Good morning sleepy head. Were you planning on waking up some time before noon?” ”It’s only 6:30” Look who’s the idiot now dumb fuck. “Sorry, I can’t really keep track of time. By the way, do you have my stuff?” ”Yeah it’s over there by the door.” You pick up your effects and move back over to Twilight. “So what was it you were supposed to tell me about?” Her ears fall after you’re done. “It’s about last night.” You sit down, eagerly awaiting an explanation. ”I think it would be best if we start with some background stuff.” Equestria, Nightmare Moon, Elements of Harmony, Mane 6, Discord. As much has you hate to admit it, this stuff is actually quite interesting. “And that brings us back to last night. When you were at the castle, what happened?” “Well, I don’t really know. Everything was fine until we were eating.” ”Annnnd?” As crazy as what happened, you can’t bring yourself to lie to her. “I heard a voice call my name. So I went looking for it.” She simply kept nodding her head. “So that’s what I did. The closer I got to it, the more I needed to hear it.” Twilight kept nodding, wanting me to finish the story. “I tripped and fell in front of some sta- that was Discord?” A simple nod was she could muster. “I looked at uh, Discord, and I felt that pull, like I needed to touch his statue. When I did, I got hit by some sort of enchantment. “Then that bi- I mean Celestia went apeshit and tried to kill me.” Twilight shook her head, “That wasn’t an enchantment. That was Discord.” “But you said you sealed him up, it couldn’t have been him.” ”He may be sealed, but not completely. He still has minimal influence over the surroundings, but it’s weird. This is the first time he’s anything like this has happened.” “So Discord tried to kill me? What a dick…” ”If he wanted to kill you, I don’t think we would be talking right now. Do you remember after you got hit by blast? Before Celestia went “apeshit.” Corrupting ponies one at a time. “Yeah, you lifted me up and Celestia got pissed.” Another head shake, “I didn’t lift you up, and neither did the princess. You did.” Fucking Sweet. Wait… what? Well that’s quite a bit to take in. Learning that you can do magic and shit isn’t something that happens everyday for you. “So, Celestia attacked me because… she thought I was corrupted by Discord or something.” ”More or less. She was only trying to protect Equestria Anon. She didn’t want to kill you, just stop you.” That’s a good enough reason, right? I mean if you knew your coworker was a terrorist wouldn’t I stop him? Why did she have to turn out to have good intentions? Now you feel guilty about how much of an ass you’ve been.Wait, who cares about Celestia? You can do fucking magic, not very well, but still, its fucking magic! Bing! You slowly turn your head. “So, Twilight… Wanna teach me magic?” ”No.” What? “But-“ ”I’m sorry Anon, but I can’t.” Pfft, like hell she can’t. “Can’t or won’t?” ”Both, I’m haven’t mastered it myself; besides Celestia already told me to make sure you don’t use yours.” Great, you discover you can manipulate shit with your mind, but the princess has deemed you a liability. Well, she’s just being careful, you would’ve done the same thing in her… hooves. ”Come on Anon, I’ll give you a tour of Ponyville to get your mind off of this business.” Ponyville? Damn, and you thought your name was clever. Grabbing your jacket, you follow Twilight out the door. The sun is just above the horizon, good thing too, you wouldn’t want more ponies screaming. You make it up to Twilight, following her side-by-side. ”Down this road is Sweet Apple Acres, Applejack lives there along with the rest of the apple family, and if you follow this road you’ll find Fluttershy’s cottage and the Everfree Forest. She’s pretty skittish though, so don’t expect a grand welcome.” “Hence shy” ”Off somewhere, is Rainbow’s house.” “Somewhere?” ”Rainbow’s house is in the sky, and she never likes to stay in the same place.” You want to say how ridiculous that sounds, but then you remember exactly where you are. They see me rollin. You follow Twilight, finally being able to enjoy a nice walk. You can get used to this. ”Here’s Rarity’s Boutique, and just a heads up, Rarity will probably be dragging you in there when she finds out those are the only clothes you have.” At least she warned you right? Twilight suddenly stops, peeking around the corner. “What’s the hold up?” ”Shhh,” Twilight nudges you to look, “That’s Sugar Cube Corner.” Seeing as how it was practically made of dessert, I can get how it got its name. “Why the hushed voices?” ”Mr. and Mrs. Cake live there along with Pinkie Pie.” “Let me guess Pinkie Pie can be a bit too energetic?” ”Can’t be too happy silly!” Oh god… ”Why are you guys sneaking around? OH, are you playing Hide and Seek? I love Hide and Seek! Can I play too?” The noise! Dear god it’s too early in the morning for a dash of Pinkie. “Pinkie, can you please tone it down a bit? You’re going to wake up all of Ponyville.” ”Silly willy, that won’t wake up ALL of Ponyville!” Voices begin to rise around you, growing in volume. “Alright Twilight, time to go.” You’ve got to get back to the Twilight’s home soon. There’s no telling how the ponies will react to you. ”The horror! The horror!” Well, same as before you guess… Every p0ny really seems to have it out for you, and you feel its time to fix that. “Ponies of Ponyville!” Your voice cuts through the crowd. Time to wing this shit. “I apologize for whatever transgression I have inflicted upon thee. I hereby submit to whatever punishment you deem appropriate.”What the hell was that? Come on brain, you can do better than that. “If it is of any consultation, I- *splat* Great, try and fix a situation and they throw, whatever the hell this is. It smells… fruity? You remove the mush from your face, freeing your vision. It’s a pie. Looking toward the crowd, you’re shocked to see them armed to the teeth with cupcakes, pies, muffins, marshmallows and various other treats. “Surprise!” God dammit Pinkie. Ponies and their strange antics. You might get the frosting off of your clothes, but you’re going to smell like a candy store for the better part of a week. ”Did you like your surprise? I hope you liked it. You remember before you left, how all those people didn’t look very happy? Well, apparently they didn’t want to be your friend, and how can you have a party if no one wants to be your friend?” She really is an odd one, but at least it worked out in the end. The town might have hated you before, but after unloading you with, what you are convinced was a couple tons of dessert, they seem to have gotten over you. ”I hope you’re ready for your party! Remember, Sugar Cube Corner 8:00.” One second she’s here and the next she’s gone. Damn ninja ponies. You check your watch, 9:43. Well, if you’re going to that party, you might as well have some clothes that aren’t candy coated. You set out for Rarity’s boutique, readying yourself for a massive bitch-fit. Retracing your steps, you finally arrive at what you hope is Rarity’s boutique. You give the door a couple good knocks and a familiar voice greets you. ”Come in!” You take off your shoes, being a complete gentleman, and enter. Her boutique is fairly open, with a few mannequins and over a dozen cloth spools scattered about. ”Now, what can Madam Rarity help you with?” She never takes her eyes off of her work. Respectable. “A change of clothes would be great.” ”Anon?” Her ears perking up at your voice. “I had heard you were ba- *gasp* What in Equestria happened to you?” “You don’t want to know…” ”Pinkie Pie?” “Pinkie Pie.” ”Figures, it certainly wouldn’t be her first crime against fashion.” “So, are you able to help you with my little problem?” ”Of course darling, you are looking at the best seamstress in Ponyville.” “Thanks Rarity. So where do we start?” ”Well, you’re going to start by washing up. Just go up the stairs, turn right and it’ll be at the end of the hall.” “Thanks again Rarity, you’re a huge help.” You turn and waddle up the stairs, trying not to drip frosting on the floor.I guess you pegged her wrong after all, she may be a bit snobby, but she’s very gracious. Alright, washroom washroom washroom… Ahaa! You’re actually a bit surprised at how large it is. Your bathroom wasn’t even half this size. You begin undressing, feeling the cool Equestrian air flow across your skin. “Hey Rarity,” you shout, “Where should I put my clothes?” ”Leave it in the hamper outside the door; I’ll get it in a minute.” You do as you’re told, shutting the door and returning to the shower. You step in, turn the knobs, and let the water flow. Good ol’ icy water. You reach for some shampoo. You wonder… You close your eyes and concentrate. You did it before, so you can do it again. “Concentrate, concentrate,” you mutter to yourself. Try as you might, nothing happens. So much for magic… You continue washing yourself with soap, before you turn back to the shampoo. One more try won’t hurt… Come on, use the force Anon. You open your eyes, the shampoo bottle, basked in green, floating before you. “Fucking Jedi.” You grab the bottle, still shocked that it worked. You wonder what else you can do. You can’t wait to tell Twilight. Oh shit, Twilight is going to be pissed. She had one rule and you broke it, you’re an asshole. You’ll cross that bridge when you come to it, for now you still have to get your clothes from Rarity. You quickly wash up and get out of the shower. Rarity seems to have taken your clothes and set out a large towel for you, how sweet. Wrapping the towel around your waist, you head back to Rarity. Rarity seems to have continued working, several spools levitating around her. “Wow, that’s gorgeous.” Rarity turns to you, face visibly blushing. “Oh it’s just something I threw together. Your new attire will certainly put it to shame, which reminds me…” Rarity magics up some measuring tape, “Time to take your measurements.” “Whoa now, you can just use my previous clothes.” ”Oh heavens no, it was quite clear that they weren’t tailored to you. The jacket was far too baggy, and those jeans… Don’t get me started on the jeans. Now just hold out your arms, this will only take a minute.” “I really don’t think this is-“ ”Hush, I cannot and will not allow you to wear mediocre attire. Now raise your arms.” Just do it Anon, she is trying to help. You begrudgingly raise your arms. ”Better.” ”Hmm, yes, I thought so…” She’s been taking measurements for a good ten minutes. How many could she possibly need? ”Almost done darling, just one more minute.” A minute may be too long. Your towel has been slipping little by little, and you haven’t been able to move. “Rarity can I quickly-“ ”Hush, I just need your neck, then you…” Times up. The air swiftly fills the void left by your towel, your face burning in embarrassment. You look back at Rarity, her white face now a brilliant scarlet. Her eyes darting between you and the… accident. She knows. You know that she knows. First time you’ve been in front of someone nude since birth, and you feel like you want to die. ”W-well, this is uh, well hmm…” You quickly grab the towel and rewrap it around you. Awkward… *bing* “Clothes are done.” She quickly gallops away, probably anxious to get out of that situation. You let out a sigh of relief. Nothing is ever simple here is it… Rarity returns, face still deep scarlet, with your clothes neatly folded. “I’m sorry about the towel. I tried to tell you…” ”Nothing to be sorry about dear,” her eyes still dancing between you and the towel, “just an accident.” She’s not very convincing. You take your clean clothes, and put them on in the other room. ”I’ll have your outfit ready before the party.” You head to the door following Rarity. “Thank you again, I’ll be sure to pay you back for the clothes somehow.” “Don’t trouble yourself with payment; you already have enough on your plate.” You wave goodbye and head back to the library. You really have to make it up to her, you owe it to her. You make it back to the library, making idle chit-chat with a few ponies along the way, one of which even gave you bite to eat. They really aren’t all that different from people one Earth, if you look past the physical we’re really just the same. You go upstairs; apparently Twilight and Spike are off with the rest of the Mane 6, leaving you alone. You’ve still got a couple hours before you have to head to the party, so you think it’d be best to catch up on some much needed rest. Your nap is relatively peaceful, your mind wandering around the past. You think about today, Twilight and Pinkie and Rarity. You want to go back, but your mind won’t let you. ”Time to wake up Anon” All you see is a grin… that grin… You jolt out of bed, ending whatever nightmare was about to occur. ”Good you’re awake.” Oh god not her. You turn around and take a knee, your body running on fear at this point. “Princess, what are-“ ”You did it again Anon, even after you were told I forbid it.” You stare at the floor, too terrified to speak. “Look at me when I address you Anon.” You raise your head, eyes fixed on Celestia. She gives off a weak smile, “You’re lucky I have no wish to harm you.” Your muscles relax; at least you won’t be dying today. “Thank you princess.” ”I wish to apologize for harming you yesterday. I assumed the worst had befallen you.” “I understand princess.” She nods her head, “I am aware.” Celestia begins to descend the stairs. ”Come, let us talk.” “What is it you wish to discuss princess?” She leads you outside, the sun falling behind the horizon. ”Would you like to stay here in Equestria?” Celestia sounding unsure of her words. “You mean, you’re able to send me back?” ”Possibly, after some time I might have located your world, I can send you there if you wish…” “I don’t understand why you are giving me a choice. You can send me there regardless of what I say.” Celestia gives you a sympathetic smile, “Because it’s your life, not mine. I could send you back if I wish, but from what I have seen of you, I think you could find peace here.” Peace. That’s the one thing you’ve ever really wanted, and you have a chance of reaching that here. Even with all the wacky customs of Ponyville, you could learn to love it. ”The choice is yours Anon. Choose.” You look at her, and for the first time, you know you want to do. You nod to yourself before looking back up to her. “I want to stay.” Her smile grew at your answer. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a Pinkie Party to attend.” She nods her head, “Welcome to Equestria.” With that she flies off, leaving you to your new home. You once again head to Rarity’s boutique, only to find a note and package. ‘Dear Anon, your clothes are in the bundle by the door. Meet you at the party. ~Rarity’ You grab the bundle and head back to the library to change. Opening the package, you find it contains what you presume is a premium Victorian suit, excluding the top hat and cane. It’s a challenge to get on, but well worth the effort. You work your way to Sugar Cube Corner. The chanting of ponies can be heard outside, they must be having fun. “Let’s give it your best Anon.” The atmosphere is filled with bliss. Ponies are chatting, dancing and just having fun. It’s kind of intoxicating. ”Hey Anon!” Oh boy, Pinkie Time. “What do you think of your party? You like it? I think it’s a little small myself, we’ll have an even bigger one tomm-“ You shove a cupcake in her mouth to stop her from talking, followed by bear hug. Pinkie quickly gulps down the cupcake, a smile from ear to ear, “What’s that for?” “Being you.” Pinkie begins bouncing around the room, “He’s happy! He’s happy! He’s happy!” You laugh and move on, this is your party, so enjoy it. The night goes on as you mingle with your guests. You eyed Rarity whispering to a group of ponies, who blushed and waved when she saw you looking. You got into a hoof-wrastle with a severely inebriated Applejack, who proceeded to give you a run for your money. You barely beat her thanks to the miracle of alcohol. Twilight showed up a couple hours in. She wanted to talk to you when you got home; apparently she also had a chat with the princess. Fluttershy was, well she was Fluttershy. It was hard to make conversation at first, but when you brought up animals she couldn’t stop talking. Apparently those wolves you found in the Everfree Forest were called timberwolves, they were literally wolves made of wood. Who knew? Rainbow Dash tried to get you drunk, which got her flustered when you said you don’t drink alcohol. Something tells you that that won’t stop her. Spike passed out in the punch bowl… twice. The party raged on for hours before it slowed down as ponies started to leave. You carry Spike on home, but not before saying thanks to everyone for your party. You barely got the door open as you stumbled into the library. That party made sure to sap you of any energy you had. Twilight rushes over to help you out with Spike. She levitates him over to his bed before turning to you with a grin that would put Pinkie to shame. Twilight is bursting with excitement; you’ve never seen anyone quite as happy. Wait, Pinkie… Well you’ve never seen anyone other than Pinkie so happy. ”Ok ok, I talked to the princess before coming to the party, and she said the two of you had talked.” “Yes.” ”She told me that you guys made up about Canterlot.” “Yes.” ”And,” she was practically jumping for joy, “she said you chose to stay in Equestria!” “Actually, I didn’t.” ”W-what?” Any joy she may have had instantly disappeared. “I said I wanted to go home.” Engage Poker face. You could see the tears well up in her eyes. Release the Kraken! “I’m just kidding Twilight. I’m not going anywhere!” ”You flankhole!” Twilight laughed fighting back the tears. You give her a hug of reassurance. Letting her release some of those mighty magic tears. You could never leave this cute little p0ny. ”That’s not all we talked about though.” “Really?” She’s got your attention all right. ”The princess told me you used magic without permission.” Dammit, you put your head down. “I’m sorry Twilight…” ”I forgive you Anon, but using magic without guidance is extremely dangerous.” “I know…” ”And that is why the princess has allowed me to teach you how to control it.” Now she’s going to lock you in the- What did she say? ”So… Would you like me to tea-“ You pounce on her, giddy like a school girl. “Yes! I would love to learn from you.” Excluding the towel incident this really has been the best day of your life. The town isn’t mad at you, you are now a studying magic under Twilight, and you have a new life in Equestria. ”Well, your new life begins tomorrow. Come on, let’s go to bed…” God, it’s getting hard not to love this place.