//------------------------------//
// Meet the Ponies 
// Story: The Life and Times of Zeke 
// by Yuri Petrovitch 
//------------------------------//

	Things got really, really, weird that night. I mean, is it strange that two colourful miniature horses rip apart the fabric of the universe, trot into your hospital room, and drop drama bombs left and right on your catatonic, dying body? Do you think that's weird? I thought it was weird all right.

And oh boy, I swear if that purple pony revealed any more plot twists I'd swear that I was in some sort of third rate movie or something... Which would explain quite a lot actually... The revelations went along the lines of "Oh hey, you remember me? You might not recognize me at the moment, since I'm a purple winged unicorn and all, but I was that girl that you nearly killed about a month ago by scaring me onto the tracks!" and "Somehow, I think that I'm responsible for you and your sudden outburst of rage at me, and now I think I murdered you!"

That last one made me feel like a complete scum bag; I mean seeing me get smashed like a piñata by that subway train must have really done a number on her because she had actually broken down into tears beside my bed. 

Have you ever seen a fluffy purple unicorn cry? No? Good, because watching that pony was like watching an adorable puppy after it got kicked by its owner, only for it to plead for forgiveness like it had been the one at fault. It was awful.

Seeing those misguided tears being shed by something that looked like one of my niece's plushies really twisted my gut the wrong way. The guilt I felt from her guilt begun bouncing around in my stomach like a red hot coal, and it really hurt. It was my fault that everything had happened the way it did, dammit!

It was then that I had to open my big mouth and let my temper get the better of me, yet again; though this time for the sake of good and not to condemn. I yelled out at them exactly what my opinion was on their misunderstanding on who exactly won the blame game; which was clearly me.

Unfortunately, apologizing while looking like Casper the Vengeful ghost doesn't really work out so well. 


Up until this point I hadn't found anyone alive in this hospital that could see me, for a whole month I had been mute and non-existent to the world around me; but these two ponies heard my shout clear as crystal, given the shocked looks they had given me as they had whipped their heads around to face me.

The ponies acted like any intelligent, rational being in that kind of situation: they panicked. I couldn't blame them, but it still did hurt my feelings a bit when I saw them evacuate in a blur of fur and feathers screaming bloody murder.

Now, let me be clear; as a man of science I may be able to tell you the inner-workings of a brain cell's dendrite, and even how to program your very own personal robot, but I'd be damned if I told you that I was a clever man.

Yep, I ran straight after them into the portal, belting out apologies. I guess it was some kind of primordial instinct to chase after those two, like the one a dog has when it sees a rabbit run it feels compelled to run after it.

So I ran after the screams of two terror-stricken alien creatures into a glowing white portal, not really thinking about what I was doing other than feeling a bit dejected that I'd scared them away. 

My experience of crossing through a rift of pure energy was actually rather disappointing; there was no soul-rending pain, not even a sensation of resistance as I went though; instead it felt like I had just pushed through a fine silk curtain and into another room. Which, gathering from my new surroundings, was pretty much what happened.

I stopped my yelling instantly and instead I came to a full stop as my jaw dropped at what I saw.

Well, I never expected anything quite like this from an alien civilization...

I had to rub my eyes several times before I felt like I could trust them once again. I mean, sure my eyesight wasn't getting any better, and lord knows what other kind of side effects there were to being removed from your body; but I could swear that everything was now cell shaded...

I blinked my eyes a few more times and took another look at the world I had just leaped into: Yep, everything now looks like a Saturday morning cartoon. That settles it, if I'm not dead or dying, then I'm certainly going insane... 

I mentally shrugged at these ideas, if I really was dead and in some sort of afterlife then there wasn't much I could do about it, the same went for losing my sanity.

Oh well, since I'm already down the rabbit hole I might as well take a look around and find the tea party.

I stood inside a large hall of some sort; actually, scratch that, this place was HUGE! You could easily fit a soccer-field in here! When I looked up I saw that it wasn't just the width that this room had, it was also height; the ceiling soared above in a checkerboard pattern in a hue similar to the room's pinkish tones.

It wasn't just the volume of space that amazed me, but also the furnishings too. My god, whoever built this place sure loved their stained glass; the walls were practically all glass as the colourful murals made up more than half of the side's of the room, though they weren't sending out a rainbow of colours since it was still night outside on this side of the portal.

Long tapestries hung from the ceiling, some of them blue and some gold. Beneath my feet ran a length of fuchsia carpet that ran from two heavy golden doors ahead of me to an elevated dais to my rear with some sort of high-backed throne resting on it.

This whole place looked like a set from a Disney film, or some sort of gigantic doll house from the pink aisle of Toy's-R-Us.

That's when I noticed the mirror directly behind me; it was housed inside a giant brass horse shoe at about two meters in height. It didn't take a genius to figure out that the reflective surface had been the portal, especially since when I had entered this place it'd been at my back. 

Needless to say that whatever this thing really was it had certainly grabbed a hold of my attention. I mean, it looked so simple, yet for better or worse this polished looking glass had just teleported me from a ward in Charring Cross Hospital to god-knows-where. If this place was indeed not Kansas anymore, then I could only begin to imagine the power necessary to even make such a feat as instant-teleportation possible.

My examination of a device that defied common sense would have to wait though, since it seemed like I still had the company of those two talking horses to deal with, I had nearly forgotten about them.

"P-Princess Luna, w-w-was that what I-I thought it was?" I heard Twilight speak through jittering teeth. As I peered around the hall I noticed that the two equines sitting in a heap close to the massive double doors. They must have been fifty meters away, yet I could hear them as if they were right next to me; this chamber must have some sort of acoustic effect to it.

By the looks of it, after they had left my room in a flurry of terror they hadn't bothered to stop their charge once they had reached the other side; the center carpet was bunched and crumpled where those two must have tripped and tumbled to where they were now.

The tall and darker one calmed herself down from her panic mode and back to her regal self. She nodded gravely, "Thou art correct Twilight Sparkle; what we hath just witnessed was indeed a phantom." 

From the way Luna had said that being a 'phantom' or whatever was like I was some sort of demonic monster; I guess that would partially explain their reaction when they had come face to muzzle with me back in that dark room. I couldn't blame them; I'd probably react the same way if a ghost popped up behind me and started yelling at me too.

"B-but those things are only formed around immense anger or pain!" Twilight wailed, her rounded violet hooves clamping down like a vice on her head. "What have I done!?"

Again with the self inflicted guilt? I'm not sure what exactly a 'Phantom' really is, but I'm certain that this was somehow my fault yet again, and just like last time this Twilight creature had taken it upon herself to be responsible for this mess. My first impression of her being some sort of air head with a fetish for purple was soon being replaced by a respect at her earnestness; I still didn't like the fact that she was accusing herself though. 

Now, unlike the last two times I had been in the same space as this girl, pony thing, I managed to keep my damn mouth shut. (See? I learn.) And since I could tell that they hadn't noticed me tag along behind them I did the most sensible thing I could think of: I ran the heck out of there! I ran as if I had just heard that there was a nuclear warhead set to blow somewhere in the cavernous hall.





*   ~  *  ~   *





Twilight didn't know what to think anymore. Her mind had fried after everything that kept on happening. If Princess Luna hadn't been there by her side Twilight would probably have broken down into hysterical laughter and crying. She'd created a phantom with that elderly Human. 

Phantoms were rare manifestations of the souls of tortured ponies, their spirit being ripped from their dying bodies or corpses by immense pain and suffering. Normally this only happened to ponies and other creatures in Equestria, but it seemed that it wasn't just limited to Twilight's homeland.

"Twilight? Are you quite alright?" Twilight was snapped from her brittle state of mind as she found Princess Luna staring at her with a worried frown.

The newest Royal sighed and gave a small hollow chuckle, "...No, Princess, I'm not alright. I just- I just did something unspeakably horrible to that Human!" Twilight almost shouted.

For a moment the Princess of the Night didn't know what to do, the art of consolation was never one of her strong suits. She momentarily flattened her ears as she thought of a way to comfort her first friend in a thousand years. Then she remembered something, something that the Phantom had yelled out at them back in the Human realm.

A small smile appeared on her lips as she knelt down to where Twilight was curled up on the floor. "Twilight, dost thou not recall what the apparition was trying to tell thou? I believe that it was trying to clarify thine innocence, not to bring you harm."

Twilight's ears perked up at this, she lifted her head off her hooves to look straight into Luna's. The sight of Twilight's bloodshot watery eyes made Luna momentarily flinch back, but ether Twilight didn't notice or didn't care. "Princess, are you trying to say that the Phantom was... Actually trying to be nice? Phantoms are almost feral, and in most cases when confronted with the object of their death they become violent."

"Indeed, yet this one was neither of those. Angry perhaps, but not truly hostile," A silver slipper reached up and rubbed the back of Luna's neck as she looked to the side, slightly red in the face, "We must admit that the phantom had taken us... by surprise, inducing our rout, but now that I recall it I don't believe it meant us any harm."

As Twilight mulled over Luna's words in her head she found that she had to agree with the other Alicorn. Slowly, Twilight pulled herself off the waxed marble floor and dusted herself off with her wings, "I suppose you're right Luna, but that doesn't change that the Human is now a Phantom and I had a part in it." 

At Twilight's reasoning, Luna had to concede that fact. She nodded and started trotting towards the mirror. "We shall discuss this further dear Twilight, for now we have an obligation of sealing this portal."





*   ~  *  ~   *





I was lost. My plan had been so simple it was elegant; instead of letting my high blood pressure get the better of me like the last two times, I'd remove myself from the equation and do a little recon. It was a perfect plan... except for one glaringly large problem; I had no idea where the heck I was or where I was going!

Oh well, it's not like I was driven to get back to the hospital and my half dead meat sack after all. Plus, if I distanced myself from my body perhaps it'd shut itself down; I didn't like the thought of dying, but being stuck in limbo like this certainly made me question if whether or not passing on was such a bad thing. If my other half ceased to be back on Earth it'd also mean that my family could also begin to move on...

Well, there's no use going back now anyways, not with those two magical horses still in the same room as the portal at any rate.

With all that in mind I focused my attention elsewhere to distract myself from my depressing reality, namely figuring out where the fuck I was and what kinds of creatures these aliens were. Curiosity may have killed the cat, but since I'm practically dead I don't think that applies anymore, which means that I could indulge my curiosity to the fullest! So, instead of retreating like a coward I put on my imaginary monocle and pith helmet for the adventure I was going to have! You can't go on a quest without those, especially the monocle.

As I strode down the thousandth hall that night, identical to almost every single other hall that I walked down, I began to doubt that this was anything but another horrible idea though. I had just past that large painting of a sleeping dragon only minutes ago for Christ sake! I mean, come on! Just how many halls does a castle even need anyways!? This place was like a cursed labyrinth and I was so lost.

Speaking of this place, I'd actually made some progress on finding out where on Earth I was, or to be correct, not on it; I was in some sort of alien Buckingham palace... Don't worry; I'll slap myself silly later for that terrible pun...

Anyways; combining the altered cell shaded look on everything, along with the fact that there were talking pastel miniature horses walking around gave me the impression that I wasn't even in the same reality as my tiny blue home world!

Aside from being lost, and probably trapped in an alien environment, my curiosity still stuck with me thankfully. The more I got lost in the never ending corridors, the more I wanted to see what was behind each and every wooden or metal door! This place was like a virtual treasure trove of neat little odds and ends; there was enough here to keep me distracted preoccupied for a very long time.

The first room had been in was the throne room, probably some unicorn overlord. All these other wings housed the other essentials that you'd find in a medieval European stronghold fit for a king; you know, treasure troves, opulent rooms fit for Royalty to rest their head in, those kinds of things. There were also the guard's barracks, filled with snoring bodies of the day watch, as well as the standard hanger sized kitchens that seemed to work non-stop for next day's meal; both of these areas I avoided like the plague, since it appeared that these sentient quadrupeds seemed to be able to sense my bodiless form and I really didn't want that to happen.

My first contact with this new alien race hadn't gone so well once they had seen me, and the memory of their screams still lingered painfully in my ears.

Now, remember how I had just mentioned that painting of a dragon not a minute ago? The one that seemed to have its own singularity around that drew me back to it somehow? Well, as I found out when I rested my back against it trying to regain my bearings the painting turned out to be one of those hidden doors. No castle is complete without one or two hidden passageways!. 

Unfortunately this hidden passageway didn't have anything solid behind the painting, this meant that as soon as I had put pressure on the canvas with my aching ecoplasmic back it had caved in and threw me ass over tea kettle into the concealed space. With a painful thud I landed in a darkened narrow passageway.

Well now, what do we have here? I asked no one in particular as I righted myself and patted the dust off me. 

Aside from the pain, my non-existent heart began to race a hundred miles an hour in excitement; I had stumbled upon something definitely worth my time! 

But, there are rules to things like this; in this case two crossed my mind: One rule of hidey-holes was that such a ruse exists to hide something, most likely treasure. The second rule was that whoever had made this secret passageway had a reason for it; maybe it was an escape tunnel, or a hidden panic room, ether of which could tell me a lot about what kind of mess I was diving headlong into.

There was also something strange about that narrow passageway; it was odd, but it wasn't only my curiosity that I felt pulling me into the darkness, it was something hard to describe... I guess the closest I could relate to this feeling I had was like as if there was some sort of harpy was luring me towards it with a sweet song.

A chill went down my back and I shuddered at the disturbing thought; curious as I may be I wasn't exactly willing to find out what it felt like to be eaten my some hideous monstrosity. 

Meh, I think this place has already reached it's daily limit on the weirdness scale, there couldn't possibly be anything stranger than a what I've already seen so far down there.

Getting back to my feet I began inching my way deeper into the hidden passageway. Fifteen or so paces into the unlit narrow walkway and I smashed my face into a solid wooden wall. Damn that smarts! So, not only could I be seen in this world and interact with objects, but I could feel pain too. Interesting. 

After I recovered from the collision I began feeling out what was blocking my path, there was no way this short passage was all there was; it certainly didn't warrant being concealed behind a painting.

Aha! A latch, now we're going places!

With a tug on the small indentation I felt something click from inside the door. The soft metallic sound of clockwork springs met my ears as things began to shift and unlock themselves. Then with the sound of a bolt being drawn back I felt all the resistance from the hard wooden surface disappear, allowing me to push the barrier aside.

As the door opened up I could feel a wave of warm and humid air wash over me and into the hidden corridor. The smell of sulfur and hay reached my nostrils as I walked into a darkened chamber. Much like the passageway behind me there wasn't any light inside.


Darn, I was hoping that there'd be some light at the end of the tunnel, but I guessed wrong. Maybe there was a light switch or something around here? I had noticed that there were electric lighting features scattered around the palace, so it wouldn't be too far of a stretch for some to be set up in here. I just needed to find a wall switch or something...

I then noticed something else about the room; there was a low humming noise all around me, as if the room was filled with a swarm of insects; hopefully it wasn't, but with how my luck had been going since last month I couldn't be too cautious. 

I pushed past the door and eased myself into the gloom of the room. The universe must have had some kind of grudge against me, or perhaps I had been cruel to puppies in a previous life, because the second I stepped through that door I tripped over some sort of cable that ran along the floor. I yelped as I lost my balance and started flailing forwards; a snarkier part of my mind shouted out "Timber!" as I began to tumble

Halfway through the fall my body slammed into something solid. I must have knocked my head pretty hard because not soon after I fell unconscious. 





*   ~  *  ~   *





Tender Care was having a pleasant dream. In it she was enjoying a nice romantic date with a dashingly handsome stallion at one of the local cafes. They were both laughing at some adorably silly thing one of them had said, pausing their giggles only to take a sip from their steaming cups. Celestia's sun was shining, the sky was clear, and everything was perfect. Then everything came crashing down when one of the Royal Guards ripped her from her bunk. 

With a squeak of surprise the mare landed face first into the hard tiled surface of her bedroom floor.

"Mother buck!" Tender yelled out.

Groggily the mare focused her attention and anger at whoever had knocker her over the side of her mattress. From where her face had been planted into the floor she could see a silhouette of somepony on the other side of her bunk. "Is that any way to wake a pony up?!" Quickly righting herself back up again the young adult unicorn began rubbing her jaw.

"Sorry Ma'am, but this is an urgent matter," A gruff male voice said from the blurry gloom, "Pardon me saying so, but you were all but dead to the world; not even a few jabs to your sides did anything... Sorry about that by the way." 

Sure enough, a dull throb in the mare's sides confirmed the blows had indeed landed on her cream-coloured ribs. A bruise had even started to form a hoof's distance ahead of Tender Care's cutiemark, which was a red cross with a white ribbon wrapped around the top portion.

After Tender Care was done whipping away the sleep from her eyes she noticed exactly who it was that she was talking to; it was one of the Night Sentinels, Princess Luna's personal guard. His leathery bat-like wings were folded over his lavender suit of armour. Oh geez, not these night-crawlers.

Tender was ashamed to admit it, but the bat ponies unnerved her; she wasn't really afraid of them per say, she just didn't like those sharp predator eyes they had; they made her feel like whenever one looked at her they were sizing her up and judging if she was snack material or not. She knew this wasn't the case, but whoever said fear was rational?

"That reminds me," Tender growled slowly as she picked herself up and locked the Night Sentinel with a harsh glare. She strode up next to the guard and shot out a pink hoof into his midsection. True to his training, the bat ponies didn't collapse onto the bedroom floor as the hoof impacted his right kidney, but the wince and grunt of pain was enough to satisfy the vindictive mare. Tender blew out a strand of honey-yellow mane from her eyes and threw the stallion a smug grin, "Now we're even."

"I-I said I was sorry Ma'am," the guard grumbled as he nodded towards the open door and motioned for Tender to follow. 

Leveling her olive eyes with the stallion in front of her Tender did as the guard directed. But, before she left though she noticed the time on her wall clock "So, what brings one of the Moon Goddess's finest to my room at three in the bloody morning?"

Without looking behind him the guard answered her question in a hushed tone, "Why else would I wake the 'Caretaker' unless something had happened to the 'Crib'?" That got Tender's full undivided attention. Mentioning ether of the code words out the open only meant one thing: trouble.

Tender Care gulped down a lump in her throat, "Then let's hurry, we can't waste any more time!" All jokes were tossed aside as the two ponies rushed down the halls and corridors of Canterlot Castle.

Then Tender saw it; as she rounded a corner she saw the cover for the hatchery had an enormous hole ripped into it, almost like a Minotaur had charged right through it. Several other Night Guards stood at attention on either side of ruined hidden entrance, there were even a few of Celestia's own guard standing at positions to cordon off the area from prying eyes.  

Oh no.

"I see you've just made it in time to join the party Miss Care," a flat voice called out from directly behind Tender, causing her to jump into the air with a screech.

The grey stallion stared on with emotionless eyes as he watched the pony he nearly scared to death flounder about as she tried to slow her racing heart. Turning to his brother the Night Guard broke into a smile smile, "I'm glad you could fetch her on such short notice Meadowlark."

"Oh, it wasn't too much of a hassle, I just had to pay a pound of flesh to get her rump out of bed," the guard that had escorted Tender from her room snickered, gesturing to a hoof shaped bruise on his side. "Though, next time we need to wake up somepony who hits as hard as a Minotaur you'll be the one to do it Sunshine."

After a good dose of hyperventilation, Tender Care's heart began to slow down its rapid fire tempo; she wasn't sure her heart could take much more of all this! "What the blueberry buck is wrong with everypony?!" Tender practically wailed. 

Snapping her glaring eyes over her shoulder she noticed that yet another bat pony had arrived on the scene, though this one sported an eye patch over his left eye and seemed to be constantly scowling, even when he smiled at Meadowlark. Tender remembered now where she had heard those names before; they were the two Captains of the Lunar Guard.

The cold stare he was giving Tender was soon shifted away from her to the broken entrance, “Come on then, we need to secure the interior. Hopefully we can catch the trespasser red-hooved.”

Everypony nodded in agreement and followed Sunshine's orders.

The three gingerly stepped through the tear in the oil canvas and entered the passageway leading to the Royal Dragon Hatchery. Tender Care used her horn to light up the pitch-black passage with a spell while the two captains each picked up a spear that was passed to them from the guards keeping watch outside. They all silently nodded to each other and Sunshine and Meadowlark took point with their weapons facing into the gloom.

It was no secret that castle housed one of the only dragon hatcheries in the world, but the immense value of just one egg forced the Princesses to keep the location and existence as hidden as possible. Multiple attempts at finding the hatchery had been made by spies and thieves alike, but none had actually managed to find the location or breach it for that matter... Until tonight that is.

Aside from the secrecy, Canterlot housed the largest out of any known hatcheries, let alone one of the only ones. The reason for this was due to the annual Dragon Migration that crossed over the nation; due to the nature of the creatures, they laid their eggs deep in the forests or inside the caves of mountains, leaving them to fend for themselves so only the strongest would survive their adolescence.

Since the Sister’s had found out about this rite of passage over a two millennium ago they had decided to intervene on the ritual. At first it had caused some incidents with the Dragon hierarchy since the sister's actions tampered with their sacred traditions; but in the end things sort of smoothed themselves over. The dragons started countering the Equestian's efforts at "rescuing" their eggs by being more crafty with their hiding spots, which slowed down the Princesses' efforts. In the end though, a portion of those clutches was found every year and sent directly to Canterlot for safe keeping.

Ever since its foundation, the Royal Hatchery had only managed to successfully hatch only a dozen or so dragons, but that didn't stop the several thousand year old order from stopping their work. At the very least, it prevented the eggs from falling into the wrong hooves; If anypony with less-than-noble goals had their hooves on one of the eggs it could spell disaster for the land. A single dragon could easily level an entire village, and having one on a villain's leash was something that no one wanted.

So, suffice to say this break in was a complete disaster, and Tender Care, the current caretaker and specialist for the dormant eggs, was having a hard time keeping herself from panicking, especially when she noticed that the door to the room containing the incubators was ajar. 

“Hold up,” Sunshine ordered when they reached the wooden door, “Do you hear anything?”

“Nope, should I?” Meadowlark asked, trying to peak past the door.

Tender gasped as she picked up on what the eye patch toting guard was implying, “The heaters aren't running!” 

With that revelation all three ponies decided that getting the drop on any intruder was less important than getting the equipment up and running again. Each second without heat meant that the odds of an egg hatching plummeted. 

With a grunt Meadowlark shoved aside the door as Sunshine leaped into the room, scanning the dark with his one good eye for any signs of movement. When it seemed that nothing was about to retaliate, Tender rushed into the room behind the two stallions and quickly found the cause for the power failure; one of the main cables that ran along the floor had been ripped from its socket in the wall.

Mentally cursing why their new electrical heating system had to have its source of power laying out in the open like this the mare reattached the cable into its socket with a quick burst of her magic. These kinds of problems didn't happen with the good old magical heaters; she was sure that she’d have a few choice words for the unicorn twins that had invented this supposedly safer and more efficient set of machines. 

When the electricity began to flow back into the heaters the steady hum of the coils returned to the hatchery.

"I can't find any trace of the criminal scum," Meadowlark clicked his tongue in disappointment as he made his way over to his brother.

Sunshine's scowl deepened even further at the oddity of this case. As he looked around the medium sized room with the help of a lantern that was brought in with some of the other guards he couldn't find neither hide nor hair of the would-be saboteur. Aside from the cable everything seemed to be in order, none of the colourful reptilian eggs seemed to be damaged or missing, and judging by the still intact cabinets and drawers no documents had been touched either.

"Kevin," Sunshine addressed one of his lieutenants that had just entered the scene, the bat pony stallion swiveled his head at the mention of his name, his ears perked; he saluted and trotted over.

"Yes sir? Oh, and by the way, that's isn't really my-" Kevin was cut of with a raise hoof from his commanding officer.

"Inform their majesties of what has just occurred; tell them that an intruder had found the location and proceeded to breach the Hatchery. Nothing seems to be tampered with, so I'm assuming it might just be a maid that happened upon this secret by happenstance and fled."

"Will do!" Kevin saluted with gusto and ran out of the room to deliver the message to the Princess, entirely forgetting about his irritation at having his name mixed up once again.

Meadowlark trotted up beside his co-commander and brother, shaking his head in bemusement, "That new guy always seems way too into his job. I gotta feel bad for the poor schmuck though, when the Princess hears about this she'll likely use the RCV on him."

"I'll give him two weeks tops before he starts thinking about handing in his resignation letter," It was almost unperceivable to the standard onlooker but Sunshine's mouth began to curl up into a ghost of a smile.

"Fine then, I'll bet you he'll last at least three," Meadowlark's smug smile sealed the deal for Sunshine.

"You're on," Sunshine gave his brother a toothy grin, "The loser buys the winner a box of moon pies."

"Deal."





*   ~  *  ~   *





It had been a few days since the events in the Human hospital. Luna had gone back several times to that ward since then, only to find no trace of the Human's Phantom; there wasn't even any magical residue that would have been left by the soul. It seemed the Human stallion had all but passed on; even his body had been put to rest and had been removed.

Twilight's mental state on the other hoof hadn't improved all that much, if anything else the scholarly Alicorn seemed to become more and more withdrawn from the world around her; the only times Luna had seen Twilight leave her room and study was to make an appearance at the Royal dining hall for her meals. The last time Luna had seen Twilight she had noticed that dark shadows had made camp under each Amethyst eye, and from the dreams Luna had observed the Human's death had delivered a heavy blow to Twilight's psyche. 

It had been over a thousand years since the Night Princess had a friend such as Twilight, and she doubted that she'd have any such luck with making any more in the near future. Most of the ponies seemed to still fear her, given her Coup d'état when she had become Nightmare Moon a thousand years ago, and even those that had gone past their fear had replaced their terror with a distanced respect not unlike the kind that Celestia seemed to receive from everypony else. 

Twilight Sparkle hadn't been like those other ponies; instead she had been the first pony other than Luna's elder sister to have ever reached their hoof in true friendship, as equals even.

Now it was Luna's turn to do the same in return, and yet she couldn't. The art of mending an injured soul was a tricky matter, and doubly so in Twilight's case; thanks to her sister's work the land rarely had such traumatic events, which actually hindered things since there was little professional experience with Twilight's level of mental trauma. The only thing Luna knew to do was to be there for her friend, yet that had little effect since it seemed that Twilight had started shutting out everything and everyone around her. The feeling of her uselessness in the matter, at being unable to help, always ebbed at the back of Luna's mind. 

"So, that's the reason for waking me up at four in the morning, Lulu? You want my advice on how to help my student?" Celestia said from around a steaming cup of camelmile tea. The millennium old mare frowned slightly; irritated that her sleep had been disturbed. The two now sat on large velvet cushions in the Sun Goddess's bedroom, looking out at the pleasant nightscape of Canterlot.

Luna nodded back in confirmation, she felt a bit guilty as she looked at Celestia's bathrobes, there was even a laced pink sleep mask resting just under Celestia's horn. "Indeed, we wish to- How does the peasantry say it?- 'Lend a Helping Hoof'?"

Despite her sister's antics and awkwardness, Celestia couldn't help but feel proud of her little sister and how much she had grown; give or take a few years and Celestia was certain that Luna would become a model ruler. Now if only you could stop waking me up at ungodly hours...

Celestia lowered her cup and saucer and released a heavy sigh, "Lulu, we've been over this before, we've done as much as we can for Twilight, she needs to carry the rest of the weight if she wants to recover. Twilight can't dwell in the fact of what has happened in the past for long, eventually she'll overcome this and move forwards. After all, once she recalls things in a much more rational way she'll come to understand that she's quite innocent and simply an unfortunate bystander in these matters."

"Still..."

"Don't fret, Twilight it a lot stronger than you give her credit for. She'll be alright in the end," Celestia said as she took another sip from her amber tea.

"None the less Tia, it worries me so to see her in such a mess," Luna picked up her own cup in her magical grasp and took a tentative sip, it was bitter and not like any tea she'd tasted before. It wasn't bad, but it was rather strong. "Sister, what is this drink? ...I've never tasted any herbal tea such as this before."

The corners of Celestia's face turned up in a grin, "That would be coffee Lulu; it's made from a bean found in Zebrica. It helped me stay awake for the thousand years that you had been away and I had to take over the night in your stead."

Luna inwardly cringed at the friendly euphemism for her banishment, but she didn't let it show, instead she took another sip from her 'Coffee'. Whatever it was, it was quickly becoming her favorite beverage. "I like this," Luna said as she downed the cup and nearly crushed it as she placed it back on the table. Luna felt like she'd been hit with an energization spell and was now completely wide awake, "Could I have another?"

Celestia chuckled as she refilled the porcelain cup, "That you may."

There was a squawk as a fiery red bird swooped into the room through the open balcony. Celestia raised a hoof into the air and with an elegant sweep of her feathers Philomena landed on the white outstretched foreleg. The phoenix gently cooed as Celestia began affectionately rubbing the downy feathers on the creature's neck. 

A frown slowly appeared on Luna's brow as she watched her sister interact affectionately with her pet; an acidic and empty feeling began to bubble inside the mare as she watched the two in front of her enjoy each others company. Celestia was quick to notice this and she stopped petting Philomena to tilt her head in Luna's direction, "What's the matter?"

Luna let out a huff as she averted her eyes from the master and servant, "It's... Nothing, really."

The Goddess of the Sun and ruler over one of the largest nations on Equis raised an eyebrow at her sister's sudden abrasiveness. "It's obviously not 'nothing'."

"F-fine, I'll tell you." There was no point in hiding it, since Celestia was bound to find out sooner or later, "It's just that, I don't have my own minion since Tiberius left..." 

Tiberius had been a Opossum that Luna had found on one of her nightly jaunts through the woods. The small grey mammal had been friendly enough and had even followed Luna around as they went on a few adventures, yet it had been discovered later on that Tiberius had to eventually return to the Everfree Forest when his wife had tracked him down and had 'Persuaded' the possum to return to being a father to their kids with the end of a rolling pin. There had been a tearful farewell between Luna and her short lived companion, but Luna knew that was how things had to be.

"You have Philomena, and Twilight has Spike. Even Cadence has Captain Shining Armor, yet I have none to call my own servant."

I don't think that Shining would be happy at being referred to like that, but I'm sure Cadence would say otherwise. Celestia did her very best to hide her snickers at the mental image of the Captain of the Royal Guard and Prince running around doing Cadence's bidding while the ruler of the Crystal Empire used a whip on her husband like a slave-driver.

Celestia put a fuzzy slipper covered hoof to her chin as she meditated on Luna's problem. With a smile she came to a satisfactory conclusion, "Why not a dragon?"

"Pardon?" Luna asked, her second cup of coffee already drained.

"Why not take a dragon as a familiar?" Celestia said with more enthusiasm, "Twilight seems happy enough with Spike, and they can easily last for at least a thousand years or so. I also heard that none of the eggs in the hatchery were damaged during the break in a few days ago. I'm sure you could find one out of the clutch that would be suitable"

"Perhaps you have a point there dear sister, yet I'm still at unease with that mysterious intrusion..."

"I also think if you have one as a friend then maybe you won't feel jealous or left out." And maybe you won't keep waking me up like this.


"Jealous?!" Luna cried, offended at the thought, "We assure you that we hath no such emotions!"

Celestia calmly took another sip of her tea and refilled Luna's coffee. Sure you aren't... With her blue star filled magical cloud Luna shakily picked the cup back up again and proceeded to down it in one shot. And oh my, what have I done? I think I might have started an addiction...

Placing her cup down with a little more force than she had meant Luna sprang to her hooves. "I thank you dear sister for accommodating me this fine night, and for assisting Twilight and I with these troubles. I shall also consider your proposal for a minion."

"Your welcome Lulu... But please, next time let's have tea when I'm not in my night gown." Luna flashed a sheepish grin as she retreated from Celestia's bedroom.

Predawn light had already started to fill up the sky, and Celestia could only sigh as she knew that there wasn't any hope of getting any more sleep under the covers before it was her turn at ruling the heavens.






*   ~  *  ~   *






Day 37, and I'm still stuck. For over five weeks I've been crammed into some god damn sort of container, almost like a sardine in fact. I could feel the walls pressing down on me as the seconds fly by, every day it seems as though I'm getting more and larger while my prison is getting smaller. My predicament reminded me a lot of Alice in Wonderland, when Alice took that pill that made her grow to the point where she had filled the entire room; except there was no medicine to make me shrink.

Let me back up and explain some things for a bit; after I had tripped over a cord and knocked my head on some sort of wall knocking myself out (I'm not going to call it fainting, fainting is for sissies), I had woken up to find myself in a space just large enough to cram me into, maybe about the size of an oil drum. Those horses must have found me sprawled out on the floor and had thrown me in some sort of Pony equivalent of a Ghostbuster's Storage Facility.

After calmly and collectively attempting all solutions to my imprisonment, by which I mean I started panicking as I started smashing my head against the walls until I had a crushing headache, I had decided to conserve my energy.

And so I waited, sure it wasn't a very proactive approach, but waiting for someone to come along and interrogate me was pretty much my only option. I sat there with my head between my knees in utter darkness for a full month. Shit got boring fast, it was even worse than the hospital, there I could at least move around and watch things but in this tiny prison cell I had nothing. At least it's warm in here, so things could be a lot worse I suppose.

You may be wondering how I can tell time; I mean it's not like I have a clock in here or anything. The simple answer was that I could hear what was happening outside the walls of my cage; I couldn't hear anything being said, since it sounded like one of the adults from Charlie Brown was talking to me through a wall, but I could hear that they were there. Every day a pony would pop their head into the same room as me and estimating the time between the shifts the guard would make I could tell time.

God, if you exist and you can hear me, let me tell you something from the bottom of my heart: You're a jerk! I was hit by a train, had my soul extracted, met magical space horses, and got trapped in this mess; this has godly intervention written all over it, I can't come up with a logical explanation other than you did this to me for shits and giggles. That, or you didn't help, which makes you also kinda a jerk... Unless you don't exist or can't help me, leaving me ranting to myself, so all this is pointless...

Oh that's just great, now I need to add a theological crisis to the list. 

The walls began to shudder and it felt like this hellish prison was getting even smaller. I'm not sure how much more my body could take, any more and I'm sure my soul would be crushed like a tin can in a garbage compressor. That was not a pleasant mental image.

I could hear muffled voices outside now, their normal soft whispering replaced with frantic shouting. Not a good sign.

The pressure was too much by now, and I had to get out or else I'd die in this darkness. "Hey, let me out guys! I can't take much more of this!" I began banging on the walls with my fists, "Seriously, if you want to torture me that's fine, just don't kill me like this!"

A crack of light broke through the wall in front of me, with the minuscule beam of light came a bit of hope that I could make it out; I turned this hope into a fuel for my arms as I renewed my assault against the crack. After each blow the light grew in size, "Just... a bit... more!" 

With one final fist strike the cell I was trapped in began to crack like a spider web, bits of plaster raining down on me as more holes opened up. 

Then I was free.

The florescent light from the overhead light fixtures seared my eyes as I head butted my way through the weakened container; it never felt so good to be blinded. "Freedom!!!" I bellowed to the heavens at my triumph. 

"My, it seems like this one is a spirited little guy! What do you think Princess Luna?" A cheery female voice said, I didn't recognize who the speaker was, and I couldn't see anything other than the painfully bright white all around me. 

"Indeed, this little one seems to have much 'spirit' in him. He shall do nicely as our familiar," Now this voice I did remember, it was the one that belonged to the tall blue unicorn thing that came along with Twibright Sporkle to my world...

... Hold up, what's with all this talk of me being anyone's pet?! That's not going to happen there lady! My eyes had started to adjust to the world around me and I was able to pick the horse's blurry form out from the other blurry forms, I locked my glare onto her smudged features as I creased my brow and bared my teeth. 

"I didn't hold my breath in that stinking prison for a whole month just to be treated like a slave!" I yelled at her, "If you so much as think about doing anything funny I'll walk over there and wreck your face with my bare hands!"

Luna giggled at what I had said, as if I had said something adorably cute, "What dost thou think he's saying? We can't fathom what this hatchling drake is trying to say." As my sight slowly returned I took note that Luna had grown three times since I last saw her, which was strange.

"What?! Now listen here you supersized kid's toy, I'm going to count to ten and you're going to apologize for imprisoning me! Otherwise I'll send you back to the hellish toy department from once you came as shredded plastic!"

The other voice spoke up, and as it walked into my view I found that it turned out to belong to a peachy pink unicorn. "Don't pay it much attention your Highness, it's simply testing it's vocal cords, much like when a foal babbles." The mare giggled as I threw her a seething death glare, she reached out with a hoof and began patting me on the head like I was some kind of dog.

Well, you asked for it. On reflex I snapped out with my jaw and bit into the extended appendage. The pony shrieked and recoiled to the other side of the room, whimpering something about how she couldn't believe that I'd bitten her like that. Really, what did she expect?

As I was adjusting more and more to the world around me I began to notice some key things about myself, namely that I was now denim blue. I also had claws instead of hands. What. The. Heck!? My heart began thumping a mile a minute from fear as I started finding other mutations on my body. 

...

... I am now a gecko...

...


I couldn't process anymore. I just couldn't. I was now a blue gecko in a land full of talking ponies. This was insane. My brain must have shattered along with my sanity and I just sat there in what looked like an egg shell, looking down at myself as all my thoughts came to a screeching halt.

"Do not fret my little pony; thou needn't be afraid of Ezekiel. Soon, he shall be groomed to become a worthy assistant for us." 

My mind could only come up with two words in a brilliant retort to what the gigantic pony before me, it had been used as a witty counter for hundreds of generations and it's simplicity was only matched by it's effectiveness at communicating raw emotion. "Fuck. You."