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// Back Barreltwist Blitz Banger? 
// Story: Melancholy 
// by rasta-gringo 
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Chapter 1: The Back Barreltwist Blitz (Banger?)

The first five things that the pony had noticed were five separate pains, one in her head, one in her left wing, one in her rump, one at the point of an odd kink in her tail, and one to her multi hued, overblown pride.

The sixth thing Rainbow Dash noticed when she opened her eyes was the teeth. Perfect rectangles that obnoxiously blotted out her perfect upside down view of her training field. She knew the teeth well by now, permanently bared in a grin so wide, so tall. Pristine white, whiter than Celestia and glossier than one of Rarity’s more coveted jewels, the teeth couldn't help but shine proud almost to the point that they obscured their owner.

“Hyeck hyeck hyeck hyeck,” chortled the owner of the teeth, “that was one hell of a trick. Oh, my manners! Does anypony even know what Hell is? It would be remarkably rude of me to ignore one of your world’s most splendid puns in the presence of the most daring pegasus of all time, unless you count Daring Doo, but of course you haven’t read the books yet. Ah, there I go again running my mouth, perhaps too large for it’s own good. Nevertheless I am proud to use my impressive oral cavity to attempt and convey my wonder and amazement at the feat you just performed with the sound barrier. I have never heard of anyone using it as a slingshot to be frank, and I have the pleasure of saying that you made approximately seventy two and a half back flips through the air after bouncing off of it, which not only beats my highscore by seventy four flips, it also provides the explanation as to why you are hanging upside down in a tree. Worry not, the tree is not Fluttershy.” The teeth stopped opening and closing at this moment in order to respectfully allow the confusion to settle into Rainbow Dash.

The seventh thing she happened to notice was that she was in a tree... not Fluttershy... Wait one second! Why was Fluttershy a tree? Rainbow blinked in a vain attempt to restore her concentration, it took her ten seconds. “Flat,” the teeth quickly interjected. The second blink was more productive, and jolted the pegasus awake so that she could tumble out of the tree with all the style and flair that he would expect from Derpy. Ignoring the screaming muscle pains, Rainbow Dash leaped to her feet, and back to her normal level of awesomeness she mused to herself.

“Well, I’m not too awe that you were in surprised by my er, warm up!” Recovering her pride and slurring her speech, Rainbow continued while the bearer of the teeth listened patiently, “and um... and I appreciate your devotion to watching me practice, daily. Even though I keep changing locations, hourly. All with the purpose of avoiding you, consistently. Don't give me that look! Twilight told me what that word means, it means reliably without self contradation. The point is... I mean who wouldn’t want to watch me constantly while I do, y’know, awesome stuff. But I still don’t know who you are notthaticare... and... HEY!

The owner of the teeth had snuck his tail forward, quickly tapping each of the mare's pains away, earning the mares outburst by healing her rump. He chuckled, "Hyeck hyeck hyeck. This is becoming almost a ritual, you suffering the consequences of your athletic daring, and I put in the time to heal you. At this rate I really think you will win the competition. Unless of course the sound barrier keeps meeting you like a trampoline. Hyeck, a certain mare-friend of yours just might become roadkill. Namely, a bloody splat type of roadkill, like a white and red unicorn pancake. That probably will not occur due to your sugarbowl world. I tasted a stone around here yesterday you know. Did you know that granite tastes like tooth-break? I made up the taste after I fixed my teeth. Anyway the point is that it tasted like tooth-break and rock candy! Isn’t that neato? Oh look, a Wonderbolt! Oh no wait, thats just you not paying attention to what your stalker doctor is saying to you. No matter."

Rainbow had flopped onto her miraculously healed backside, taking the chance to examine her many times healer. Beyond his teeth, he seemed to be a rodent, larger than a pony, but smaller than a manticore. It had dainty claws, longer, and more nimble than Spike’s. They emerged from the thick fur that fit the rodent all around his body like a carpet, covering all but his extremities. That tail, it was thick and strong, and at the tip it looked scaly like a rats.

Was it a rat? She went with it, “so what are you, a rat?” she guessed. To her frustration, the rodent with the teeth shook its head, making its pronounced grin momentarily into a blurry band of white. “How can you know that you aren’t a rat, if you don’t even know who you are?” Rainbow felt her confidence return in full. Finally, she had cornered him.

“Hyeck hyeck hyeck, you have bested me Miss Dash, but i believe you are confused. If I were a rat, that would be what I am, not who. I am sorry, but if you are looking for my identity, then you will find nothing, it is not there.”

Curious now, Rainbow felt her temper fade. “Then what do I call you?”

“Whatever it is you wish.”

“C’mon, what do others call you?” Training was long forgotten to Rainbow now.

“Treachorous wretch, curious thing, snake, depressing, vermin, cretin, furball, hairball, food, breakfast, lunch, dinner, insignificant, lonely, sinful bag of bones, the mirror’s rat, the mirror’s guard, the mirror’s sheath, the mirror, disaster, friend, companion, loathesome, lazy, the mirror’s attendant, the...”

Rainbow felt her temper rise, trickling hot through her limbs and blood. What mirror was he talking about anyway? Nevermind, it was hard enough to get one straight answer out from between those teeth. “What one was your favorite?”

“Melancholy.” He offered. The teeth, forever exposed beamed brighter, was this how he smiled? It seemed so to Rainbow. She could not be sure since his teeth always maintained the same prominence. The trick to his face was the eyes.

“Melancholy.” she confirmed.

“Melancholy,” with no sense of finality was the name spoken by its owner, more with the lightness of wonder. “Hyeck, now Rainbow, you have a name for me so perhaps it is time I help you with your trick.” He pulled a large piece of glass out of the air, opaque with a swirling vortex of blue.

Rainbow was confused again, but she didn’t care. She was frozen in greedy curiosity... what was it? Shiny for one thing, maybe Magic! Twilight does magic. Unicorns do magic. Can rodents do magic? Melancholy was not in anyway typical, so it would kind of make sense. The magic on display definitely looked docile enough, though you could feel there was an edge of discord in it. She forced herself to relax, folding down the wings that had sprung up in fe... surpri... on their own.She did not even know what discord meant! "Yet," chided Melancholy. Anypony would tell you that the one and only Rainbow Dash did not know the words fear, surprise, let alone discord, unless trying to boldly declare that she did not know what the words meant. Rainbow Dash laughed at her self contradation, remembering last week fondly. Melancholy hyeck hyeck'd while he polished his piece of glass to pristine clarity with a furry sleeve.

What was he laughing at? Rainbow pondered, Melancholy could not have found her thoughts funny? If he was a magic rat, he might also read minds, the possibility was no wierder than the monsters in the Everfree Forest. Melancholy hyeck'd a bit louder, and then became silent, immersing himself in his possession, like a mother preening her daughter's wings. He began to hum, and then to sing accompanied by the whistle between his teeth..

Where are you? My baby
The rain iss drumming a ssad ssound.
My dear babe AHm ssorry
I cannot sstep upon the ground.
Where are you? My baby
Losst in these windss what musst I do?
My dear babe AHm ssorry
Just how will I return to you.
Where are you? My baby
I wander through my world, I’m sstuck
My dear babe Ahm ssorry
Fare well, I beg you sstole my luck

Rainbow continued the ballad automatically. It was familiar, and dear to her. She crept closer to Melancholy, head held high and slightly crooked in order to better see the... thing. The image in the glass was turned to face her now, apparently it was clean enough for the rodent. Rushing sky and cloud whipped past beneath the glass’ surface. One spot of rainbow was fixed in the middle. This was it, the mirror! Rainbow Dash’s realization was subdued however, by her need to watch.

My baby! I can see
Celestia’s rays reveal you
You look, like joy my babe
And my love, if you only knew

She looked deeper into the mirror that Melancholy had propped up against his furry body. It was beautiful and Rainbow felt her pulse rise. It was a Rainboom! Just like the one she dreamt all those years ago from her race, no, maybe not dreamt if she was seeing it again. Omigosh she looked bigger than a filly in the moving picture!

Where are you? My baby.
A world we share, cut by our fears
My dear babe Ahm sorry
Just wait, a sunny day dries tears

Inside the glass she watched herself breaking the sound barrier, and letting loose the full spectrum explosion on the world. It spread and rippled unlike anything the sky could display on its own. Celestia’s day was plain. Luna’s night, was a clustered shamble, a puzzle for eggheads like Twilight to unravel with tedious diligence. The Rainboom was a single force, an event born of chance and 120% effort.

Where are you? My baby.
I swore not to, but that was then
My dear babe Ahm sorry
Sunny days gone, you’re lost again

To Me

She saw herself, racing against the Rainboom in her wake, pushing, and pushing. The mirror Dash could do no wrong.

Where am I? My baby.
You can try, I will not be found.
Live strong, my babe, live long
See the world, learn! You’ll see it’s round.

A splash of red. The speeding sky in the mirror was almost instantly replaced with a more terrestial view of the world and halted abruptly. There was no movement. There was sky blue above, and a dab on the ground. Beside, around, inside and outside the grounded blue spot was a full spectrum of colors. A tranquil border of green grass and trees contained the tragedy inside of the mirror. Why was there so much red? It should never be more than another stripe in a rainbow mane.
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh.” Rainbow launched herself in one quick hop. She needed to leave, she needed the sky, and to leave the ground far far away. Rainbow Dash would miss her friends, she really would. Welcoming her return, it almost felt like the sky was pulling her up into its arms. On the other hand, it felt exactly like a hairy, scaly rope was pulling her back down. Bah! So this is how the rat wanted to play! The pegasi athelete drew her wings back as far as anatomy would allow. Her wing blades bunched against each other by way of toned mats of muscle. The strain was almost too much. Almost.
“Trick 5! Back and Barrel Twist Blitz. Banger?” The trick was meant to involve an instant Sonic Rainboom, resulting hopefully in some sort of bang. It was a combat trick after all, bangs were useful, but uncommon. Regardless, the trick was still going to be sweet! Exhaling all of the air from her lungs, blue wings flared forward, almost tearing themselves off as they pushed Rainbow Dash back (check) explosively. Mane first, Rainbow began rotating. Originally, the idea had been to do a sort of barrel roll. After a few practice runs Rainbow had found that in close range the rolling threw her too far off course. At a longer range, well, the trick was just a glorified U-turn with spinning. No, this sort of trick needed something a little more extreme. Rainbow Dash swung her head, feeling  her muscles pull, twist and bend her spine. The twisting (check) continued, her head almost at 90* farther in the rotation than her torso. Her deflated rib cage went with the motion without trouble, and finally, her hips began to twist. What had Twilight called this? Torck? The Rainbow pony was now (mostly) facing a still toothy, grinning Melancholy. Speed took hold, impact was destiny, the entire planet revolved in a blur. Her whole body was in the twisting barrel (check) roll, containing all of her power, SO much power.
From three metres away, Rainbow Dash’s hoof hit Melancholy’s tooth with a definitive CLOP. Since no one was around to analyze the punch, the mirror took it upon itself to put a scale on what was occurring.

RAINBOW DASH WAS ACCELERATING FROM A STATE OF REST TO A SPEED OF 9 METRES/SEC IN THE TIME FRAME OF 0.5 SEC. HER PUNCH ACCELERATED RELATIVE TO HER BODY AT A RATE OF 3 METRES/SEC/SEC. RAINBOW DASH’S ACCELERATION HAS BEEN EVALUATED TO BE  18 METRES/SEC/SEC. THE PUNCH’S ACCELERATION RELATIVE TO MY KEEPER IS 21 METRES/SEC/SEC. LET US ASSUME THAT THE PEGASUS’ MASS IS 35 KG. THE FORCE EXERTED CAN BE CALCULATED Force=Mass x Acceleration.

Force = 35000G x 21 M/S
Force =  ouch!

Melancholy hit the ground hard, momentarily crushed by his assailant as she tumbled spinning along the ground. A spiral of colour, the rainbow tail flailed in a wide circle before landing next to its owner. Rainbow noticed her tail flop a moment after the rest of her body had stopped moving, it slowly started to unwind. Torck was cool, she concluded. Really cool. Too bad there had been no rainboom to go with it. She giggled, the world felt really woozy. Giggles intensified, she was in the throes of a full blown ROGL (rolling on the grass laughing). A successful trick always made her feel better.

“Rainbow Dash?” Melancholy, dropped to all fours, mirror abandoned into the void it came from. So much for feeling better the pegasus grumbled, still too woozy from the Back and Barrel Twist Blitz to openly and verbally resent her companion. “Rainbow  listen, the reason I chose to show you your death is because, in a few weeks, you will attend The Best Young Flier competition, and you will recklessly complete the Sonic Rainboom in time to impress the Wonderbolts, but sadly too late to impress the ground.” His tail tucked under the ponies chin and tilted her head up from the dirt, violet eyes shimmering. “I am here to prevent that. I think my tooth is ringing.” With one final guffaw, Rainbow Dash fell asleep.

NOTE: The force of Rainbow Dash’s punch exceeded 700 000J