//------------------------------// // Why? // Story: Why I Hate Loving a Rainbow // by FailWhale //------------------------------// Hi everypony, this is Pinkie Pie. Again. I asked Fluttershy to bring me my journal from Sugarcube Corner this morning, and she came back with it right away. I've been at her cottage for the past couple of days because I got hurt. I tripped and slid over a piece of wood that cut my side. It doesn't hurt too bad. What does hurt is my heart. It aches... The voice inside tells me that it won't get better. She tells me that I'll hurt for the rest of my life because of how stupid I was the other day... WHY?! WHY DID I DO THAT?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?! I...I wasn't thinking too well. I've already told you, she makes me stupid whenever I look at her...It's like my brain turns into mush and I can't focus. That's one reason, but...I just don't know. I don't know why I kissed her. I still remember everything about it. I remember pushing her out of the way of the falling box. I remember landing on top of her. I remember her warmth. I remember how her chest moved underneath me. I remember how her breath smelled like fresh rain...I remember the look that she gave me after I kissed her. I thought she was just surprised. I didn't let her know that I was going to kiss her. I barely knew myself. It just... happened. But, the voice inside tells me that it wasn't surprise on her face. It was disgust. Rainbow Dash was horrified and disgusted at me. She couldn't believe that I was a fillyfooler...she couldn't believe that I kissed her...and she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. The voice inside told me that she wouldn't accept me, that she would me if I told her about my true feelings. She would avoid me, she wouldn't talk to me, she wouldn't acknowledge me, she wouldn't want anything to do with me if she found out. But, stupid, stupid little Pinkie Pie had to go and kiss Rainbow Dash. Stupid little Pinkie Pie couldn't very well leave it alone. Stupid little me... She was right. She was right about everything. She's always right...I should've listened to the voice inside...but, my heart hurt too much. I needed to know if Rainbow Dash felt that way about me. I needed to know if she would accept me. So...I kissed her...I got my wish. I found out how she would react. With disgust. With horror. With hate...That's why I'm asking myself: Was it worth finding out? My heart hurts even more than before...so, why? Why did I need to find out? Why did I have to fall in love with Rainbow Dash? Why does it hurt so much?! WHY?! I j I can't believe that s I don't kn Sorry...my tears are falling on the page. Staining it. Like Rainbow Dash's image of me. It must be stained. Smeared. Smudged. But, even if the journal is stained, I'll still use it. I won't pretend it doesn't exist. I won't treat it the way she's treating me. Everypony has come to visit me here. The Cakes, Twilight, Applejack, Rarity, Carrot Top. Even Ditzy Doo has come by a lot to apologize to me. I've tried to tell her that it was my fault that I got hurt, but she won't listen. She keeps saying that the box fell on me, and that it's her fault that I got hurt. I keep trying to tell her that's not true, but like I said, she won't listen. She brings me muffins everyday. I really appreciate it. It's harder to cry when you have something to do, like eat muffins. Everypony's visited me. Everypony except Rainbow Dash. It's been four days, and she hasn't come. Not even once. She hasn't even knocked on the door or asked about me or anything. The voice inside tells me that's proof that she doesn't want anything else to do with me. She's right, of course...she's always right...about everything... I only have one wish now. I wish that I could talk to Rainbow Dash one more time. Tell her that I'm sorry. Ask her to forgive me. But, I don't know anything anymore. I don't know how I'll react if she comes to talk to me. The voice inside doesn't know either. I just...I'm sorry. I can't write anymore. I...I'll talk to you all later. I still don't know why I write in this like I'm talking to a whole bunch of other ponies, but I do it anyway. I guess it helps to talk about your problems if a lot of other ponies are listening. I have to go. Fluttershy's calling my name. I guess I'll see you later, everypony. What? Two consecutive days of updates? What is this madness? Yeah, after I finished the last piece yesterday, I had a sudden impulse to start this one. I finished it purely on instinct of what should go next, then used mind and intellect to augment it. As you can see, my instinct is lackluster at best and my mind and intellect are something to be desired. Anyway, thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed it. I'll have the next chapter up soon. Hopefully.