"Bye, bro." Vinyl gave one last wave as I opened the front door. I returned the wave, giving a still weak smile. There was just... so much shit on my mind and plate right now. I don't even... just how? See, this is just the beginning of the type of shit I've had flung at me during my entire lifetime. One in a million. I know some people say to look at the bigger picture, but please, where's the bigger picture in this? If you know, please contact me at Equestria, Ponyville, Hay Drive, Vinyl's Record Shop, Zipcode: I'm lost.
"Hey, uh- sorry, just... one more thing." She stopped me right in the middle of my leave. I immediately turned around.
"Oh, what's up?" I gave my best grin.
"Well, I don't know what your plans are n' stuff... but, whenever you can, come and pass by. Please? I'd really like to... catch up." She rubbed her forearm in a shy manner, her head kind of lowering as she spoke. I couldn't fucking say no to her. How could I?
Now that I earned the most heartbreaking title 'Long Lost Brother', and heard her story, I just... I dunno. Now I feel like I have to be her... 'little brother'. Don't get me wrong, it doesn't irritate me if that's what it sounds like. I actually feel really fuckin' bad for her. There's no way back after all this.
Officially, from now on... I'm Vallis Scratch. And in complete honesty, I'm just doing this for her. It really fuckin' tore my heart apart, and if you were here you would've done the same. I put all my money on it.
"Of course Vinyl, definitely! I'm sorry about leaving early, I promise we'll check out your studio again soon. I'll... -I'll see you later. Uhm-... big sis." I gave a light chuckle, smiling shyly. She did the same, her giggle absolutely warming the smallest crack in my ice cold stone heart. It was the first time I heard that kind of giggle come out of Vinyl's mouth too. It was, to put it simply, the true kind of happiness of a giggle. Ffffuck, shit, balls. This shouldn't even be happening. Knowing my luck too, this is going to bite my ass eventually. I don't know if it'll be tomorrow, the next week, the next month, or year. But if I make it for a month, I'll be good ol' Chris again, have my fingers back, walk on two legs and possibly go back home.
Ha. That's just me being hopeful again. We all know that people like me have shit hitting the fan 24/7.
I waved once more, and left the store. As soon as the sunlight hit my face, it felt like reality slapping my eyeballs back into the current situation.
I'm still fucking lost in a world that I have no idea about (or so I think), still have some form of amnesia, still need to find out if Joel possibly got sent here aswell, and find me a way back home ASAP. Oh... and wait a fuckin' month for Zecora to fix my 'pony' situation. God. Damnit.
Fuck hangover of the century, this is the number one hangover of the fucking universe/multi-verse/whatfuckingever.
Ok. Relax. Find the library. Where's the library. Where is the library? I fucking forgot to ask. God damnit, I don't even know which way I'm walking to. Why the fuck have I been walking for the past minute if I don't even know where the fuck this library i-
"EUGH!" I bumped into one massive as fuck of a tree. Wait, now that I take a better look at it...
One massive as fuck of a treehouse. Now, you're going to have to excuse the following ghetto terminology.
"Oh... Dat is one helluva crib right thar." I shook my head in disbelief. As I began to trot my way around it, I couldn't help but see the big fat sign that had a book painted on it.
"Well. That was... easy."
Now. It could be just me, but I'm sensing little by little that this is all a bit too... comical. Almost as if I'm in a cartoon.
Hm.
POV: Joel
So. Just on my way to lunch now. Killed the last few hours exploring the room, looking out from the balcony which has an unbelievable view by the way. Being found in the middle of nowhere by royalty is actually the best thing that could've happened in my situation. Man, am I lucky. Here I am, the luckiest bastard in the universe, on his way to lunch with magical alicorn princesses. Try topping that off.
After asking a few guards if I was going the right way, I finally made it to the royal dining hall. One long fuckin' table having only 3 princesses sitting on the end kind of looked funny. I made my way over to their end, giving them a short bow, and taking a seat next to Luna in particular. I prefer sitting next to people I'm more familiar with, so keep it in your pants.
Just as I was about to speak up, Twilight couldn't contain herself any further.
"So, Joel, that's your name right? I couldn't stop talking to my assistant about you all this time! I have so many questions! Oh- I mean, if you're alright with answering them?" She practically gave me the puppy eyes in the end.
'Just say no, Joel.'
"Sure!"
'FFFUCK'
"EEE!" She squealed. This was going to be a loooong lunch. However, the following saved me from what possibly could've been the longest session of '20 questions' ever.
A green flame materialized a scroll in front of Twilight, which took me off guard for a second, but I then remembered earlier how the same happened at the cafe. Just a normal thing in this world that I have to get use to. Over time I guess. Twilight began to read it under her own breath, her eyebrow cocking upwards in a quizzical fashion. I took my first bite out of my sandwich which I asked for before arriving here, savoring the flavor meanwhile I waited for Twilight's first question.
'Mmm. Holy fucking shi- I have to give props to their chef. He/she can cook a mean grilled cheese sandwich.'
"Wow, uh- Joel?" Twilight brought my attention back.
"Yes?"
"My assistant here tells me that somepony in ponyville might know you. His name being, uh-..." She looked once more at the scroll. "-Christopher. Odd name... Anyway, are you familiar with him/her?"
Suddenly, all eyes were on me. Why, you ask? Well, I dropped all my stuff, including the food that was in my mouth, and the shit in my ass. The last part is a lie of course, but it still wasn't a pretty sight to watch chewed food fall out of my mouth. Rarely happens to me though, but this is an exception. It's not everyday you happen to wake up in a fantasy world, and find your friend who you ended up thinking was still way back in Earth in the same day.
Maybe this isn't a dream afterall? Huh.
POV: Chris
...A few minutes back...
"Hello?" I said in a low volume.
It was a library, so thankfully my amnesia didn't have me forget about the silent rule of libraries. I stood there for a few moments before I felt that it was safe to snoop around. It was a library, that was for sure. A small one however. Their collection definitely needed a little more of... everything. Suddenly, I heard hoofsteps going down a staircase. I looked around a bit until I finally found the staircase, and recognized my favorite zebra.
"Zecora!" I didn't think I'd be so happy to see her again.
"Shh, we're in a library." She shushed me, her joking smile causing me to smile aswell.
"Oh please, nobody is even in here."
"Nopony."
"What?"
"You better begin to use our form of terminology if you're going to fit in. Remember that."
"Oh, right right." I made a mental note. She then gestured for me to come up the staircase.
"Is the friend that you told me about earlier waiting for me?"
"Well... her assistant is here. Although, he's having some troubles."
We went up the staircase into what seemed like the bedroom of Zecora's friend. First thing I noticed was a literal mountain of scrolls in the middle, and then some green type of midget lizard looking thing on top of it. What topped it all off though was that he was burping/burning up those scrolls by the second.
"Whoa, are you a... dragon lizard?" My manners flew out of the window momentarily. He shot me an irritated look, but burped up another scroll which made him look nauseous for a second.
"I'm sorry, uh... my name is erm- Vallis." I introduced myself, only to be given an odd look by Zecora. I simply cocked an eyebrow, my expression changing to 'what?'.
"He already knows of the entire situation."
"Yeah, you're Chris I'm guessing?" It talked. IT TALKED. But this is a land of magical beings, spirits, and creatures, so I should've seen that coming. BUT IT TALKED.
"Holy crap, that's amazing." I mumbled outloud. He looked at me quizzically.
"Sorry, sorry." I shook my head. "So, you're the assistant?"
"Twilight Sparkle's number one assistant you mean? Yes." He puffed his chest, his momentary pride ruined by another scroll being burped up.
Twilight Sparkle.
There's that Jamais Vu again. Stronger than ever, I should add.
"Oh gees, I haven't even read half of these. Please guys, just read them for me." The green lizard dude begged.
"Sure, I got you." I assured. I picked up the last scroll he burped up, and laid it open on the ground. It was a bunch of words and run on sentences to the point where I was practically losing breath just reading it. It didn't make sense, but then I opened the one he burped before the current one I was reading, then the one before that, and laid them together in chronological order.
'So yes, Spike! He technically is an ALIEN! AMAZING ISN'T IT! I believe he's what Luna called... a human? BUT OH MY GOODNESS HE SPEAKS OUR LANGUAGE!! I'M GOING TO LUNCH TO SEE HIM AGAIN! Oh, but problems first. That's right, remember that twilight.' She seemed to go off track at some points, and after that last sentence she literally wrote out the noises she was doing... like breathing in and out to calm down. I skimmed it until I could find what she was going at again. 'HUMAN, JUST FASCINATING!! His problem though is that he's looking for a friend. Another of his kind. Unfortunately, not one other has been seen around yet anywhere, BUT MEANWHILE WE LOOK FOR THE OTHER, I'LL ASK HIM- I mean, research as respectably as I can without invading his personal life- ABOUT HIS CULTURE, PLANET, EVERYTHING!!'
I stopped as soon as I read the words 'Another of his kind'. I skimmed the rest of it desperately looking for more. Then I found it. His name was Joel. Tall fellow. Curly hair.
That's all I needed.
"ZECORA!" I boomed, being overwhelmed with excitement. She looked at me in shock as the lizard dude just laid on his side, completely unphased by my fus ro da.
"Uh... sorry."
"That's fine." She laughed it off, but flicked her ears a few times probably trying to get the ringing out. I'm honestly surprised I didn't blast her out through the window.
The next few moments basically was just me showing her the scrolls, and explaining everything. She read them once more, and went wide eyed.
"Well... there he is. Right in front of you. We just have to send a scroll to them, and you will have your problems solved!"
"Right! -Wait..."
Hold on. I have hooves. How the fuck am I going to write a letter.
"Spike, my friend. Take a message, please?" Zecora asked the lizard, who's name I now knew.
Well, another problem solved within seconds.
"Oh man... fine. Lemme get-" He burped up another scroll. "-a quill and parchment."
I would've laughed if he wasn't in so much pain.
After Zecora dictated the message, Spike read it out.
"Dear Twilight, there is somepony here who may know of that alien friend of yours. His name is Christopher, and he's in search of his friend, who's name is Joel. Let me know soon if this is possibly who your friend may be looking for. -Spike"
I nodded. Just as I was about to question how long it'd take for the message to get to wherever the location was, he breathed in, and exhaled a green flame, burning it.
He burnt it. Burnt it.
"WH-WHA- What the ffff!?-" I was shocked, confused, and trying my best not to rage.
"Whoa?! What's wrong?" Spike tried calming the situation down.
"You burnt what was my only chance of possibly seeing my friend." I could've sworn my left eye twitched in the middle of that sentence. He then began to laugh, which I took as an insult.
"IS THIS SOME SICK PRANK?!" I was getting ready to just choke that lil' motherfuc-
"Whoa whoa! No, it's how this works! It's a spell that I use to send messages to the princesses, or anypony else! I didn't burn it, I just sent it over instantaneously!" He held up his hands in defense. I felt like a douche now.
"Oh." I stupidly said.
'OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH.' Is what I really wanted to say.
This was one of those moments where you wish you could just sit in the corner and shrink away until nobody could see you ever again.