Dear Kyra,
Ow…
That pretty much sums it up… Learned how to pull a plow. Called Jessie/Crystal a tralk, and somehow, she doesn’t want to kill me anymore. See, what happened was…
Alright, just gotta find whatsherface and ask for some painkillers. Assuming that what he said about who put me next to him, of course. Seriously, how messed up is he? Saying all of that random… whatever? Maybe I gave him brain damage… Yeah, maybe… Meh, he deserved it.
Overall, it’s been a decent day so far. Learned how to use Ice Fang, I think, so that’s another move learned! Technically, I should be able to translate that move into Bite, but whatever.
Still… If he’s a nerd… Then what are the others? Meis is afraid of heights, but it’s not like I’m afraid of ice, so… What’s my deal? Fluffy said he hated heat, but hate isn’t the same thing as fear. Wait, there’s Moony, and he’s-
Wait… Right, he was a pony. So does he count or doesn’t he? There was also that Totodile, but how does he fit into all of this? And Kaye is just loving the ever-freaking heck out of being an Eevee, so-
Oh look, it’s Logic! Heyya Logic! Where are ya goin? Out the window? Okay, have a nice trip!
Luckily I’m already outside the library, so I can afford a moment to massage my head. Have to try to get all of the stupid I’ve had happen out of my mind before I go insane. I also seriously need to find a notepad and calligraphy pens. Or hell, I’d take some charcoal at this point. Seriously, what does a girl have to do to get s-
*Smack!*
A-ha-ow… Okay, who slammed a door in my face?! Heads are gonna roll for this insol-
“Cryssy! Yayifications!”
Ow, my coccyx… My poor tail… “Kaye, what-”
“I learneded Head Bashing! I’s super strong now!” the pink puffball chanted, skipping around me. At least, I think she was skipping around me… Kind of hard to tell with all of these birds in the way, with their annoying tweeting. “I’s gonna be the very bestest!”
“You’re definitely like no one ever was, that’s for sure,” I managed to groan, rolling back onto my paws. “Where’s the da-”
... Frick, right. Kid. Come on, Jess, keep your damn head in the game!
“-ang Tylenol when you need it?”
“Tied Lionel? Why you tie up Lionel? Ish because he’s a bully? Silly Chryssy, you dun tie up bullies!”
… You don’t? Sounds like a perfectly logical thing to do, come to think of it. “Why not?”
“Cause ish a waste of ropes, duh!” She rolled her eyes at me, sighing heavily. “I gots ta teach you everyfink? I bees aspensive, you know!”
“Oh really?” I quirk an eyebrow, wondering how a kid has expensive rates. “Like what?”
“For you, I thinks…”
She disappeared for a second before my knees buckled. Oh for the love of-
“Yayifications! Chryssy-back ride! Giddyap!”
She’s just a kid… Be patient… You were like her once too…
Steeling myself, I stared at the little pink Eevee, raising an eyebrow slowly. “Kaye, I am not a horse, and I would appreciate it… if you would… would um…”
Let the record show: I hate cute kids. Or cute cats, or cute anything that is real and right in front of you. They just take your life, and then ram a knife into you until you don’t care about anything else!
“... Pwease Cryssy?”
... frelling puppy eyes…
“Fine… But no kicking!” I growled, giving her a warning glare over my shoulder. “Now while I look for the meds, you tell me why you aren’t in school, missy!”
“Shuel? I isn’t in shuel cause a paperywork. We’s been writin lotsa stuffs on papers so I gets to go tomorrow!”
Dear God, how does she manage to bounce on me when she’s ‘riding’ me? Ugh… Okay, just find the meds, and get out of here. How long c… Nu-uh, not goin’ there, Jess. Shut up while you’re still ahead…
Brian, you suck, you know that? How could you not figure out how to pull a plow properly? I knew that I was doing it wrong, but noooooo.
Oh quit your bitching. I did the best I could, alright? It’s not like we’ve ever read a book about farming or something. How was I supposed to know that taking half a step back to lean further into the harness would help? It looks unnatural!
Yeah, well… shut up!
Needless to say, plowing was still… difficult. While I now had the proper technique, I still lacked the necessary muscles to make it easy, and with the injuries from… before, I still wasn’t going that fast. Still, I was at least going fast enough that Jay wasn’t that disappointed in my progress. I mean, I know she hoped I would do better. And really, I should have been able to, but at least she wasn’t super depressed or angry or something. Still, I’ll have to push myself that much harder in the future, so that I won’t let her down. That, and I get paid based on what I do, not how long I work, so there’s more incentive past losing weight.
“Ugh…” I stagger as I finished a line, falling on my side. I swear, being covered in fur, I am almost literally pouring sweat. Even if I burn no fat today, I know I won’t have any water weight when I get up tomorrow, that’s for sure. Note to self: weigh myself tomorrow morning to get a baseline weight for actual fat, since most of the water should be gone.
I paw at my face a couple times, trying to clear my eyes of the sweat, until I remember that my paws are covered in mud. And now I’m laying in it. While sweaty. Fan-freaking-tastic…
“Fluffeh!”
Oh dear God… Now Brian? Really?
Not like I told her to come over or something. Hey, at least you’re already hurting! Not like she’s ruining a great day or anything. Today already sucks so far! May as well go for the gold! It’ll make the next days even better if you’re super miserable today, right?
Hello, dirt, lovely to see you again! Anything change since we last met a few seconds ago?
“M-Mista Fluffy, how you get hurted?”
... You’re on your own brah.
As Kaye investigated my side, I glanced between the Glaceon and Kaye several times, trying to come up with a story, and fast. We weren’t quite fast enough though, it seems...
“Cryssy, whai you hurted him again?!”
Okay, so her name is Chrissy, good to know. Short for Christine, perhaps?
“N-no, she didn’t,” I quickly stammered, glancing around in hopes that inspiration would strike me out of the blue. “I uh… It was… umm…”
“He fell down some stairs.” Christine supplied helpfully.
... Seriously? That’s the best she could come up with?!
Oh shut up, Brian, I didn’t hear you offering me any suggestions.
“You falleded down the stairses?” Kaye asked, her right ear falling to the side as she turned her head.
“... Yes. I fell down some stairs. And nothing else.”
Poker face, poker face, poker face po-
-Brooklyn Rage.
Dammit Brian, stop throwing off my groove!
But now is the perfect time to throw off your groove! There’s no windows for you to throw me out of!
Well, he had me there. I glanced around, but there wasn’t a window around. Just dirt, trees, dirt surrounding the trees, trees in the dirt, and, you guessed it: Kaye and Christine. What, you thought I was going to say trees and dirt? Come on, I’m not that predictable! Or am I?
That… Huh. Touche. Now shut up!
The little pink Eevee looked from me to Christine, narrowing her, admittedly, adorable eyes at us, trying to find any sense of guilt or guile in our faces. After several seconds, she relaxed, giving me a big hug. Well, as big as she could, anyway, considering I’m two to three times her size. “Dun worry Fluffeh, I’ll fixify you back to healths!”
She is just so a’dawable! Brian, can we keep her? Can we can we can we?
Hell if I know. Go bother somebody else!
“You, you needs a knee licker!”
Christine blinked, a bland ‘what?’ escaping from her mouth as she tried to work it out.
Smirking a little as I take a few seconds to translate it in my head, I added, “Yeah, Chryssy, come on! Everybody knows what a knee licker is!” Turning to Kaye, I added, “Well, at least we know where not to look or ask for one, right Kaye?”
“Right! We, we’s gotta look in barrels an fireplaces! You know where any is?” she asked, bouncing left and right.
I had to try so hard not to squee or get distracted. Her tail was wagging back and forth as she crouched, ready to pounce. I swear, it’s like they got the sprite straight from Kaye!
“Yush!” I replied, my grin threatening to split my face in half. “There’s barrels in the barn! They’re this way! C’mon, foller me!”
Now, I know what you’re thinking… Fluffy, why are you acting her age? You should know better!
Well, in answer to that… Screw you, I do what I want! Seriously, an excuse to act like I’m five? Sure, I’ll take that! Besides, it’ll be good exercise!
I took off, running as fast as I could, which, admittedly, wasn’t very fast. Still, I consider it an accomplishment that Kaye never asked to go faster, so I guess I was fast enough. A moment later I heard Christine yelling at us to stop, but like we were going to listen to a slowpoker like her!
Kaye and I burst into the barn at the same time, panting for breath as we giggled on the floor. We heard Christine come in behind us, but it’s not like I cared.
“Now just what are y’all doin’ in the barn?”
We glanced up, and saw Jay in the loft, her tail wrapped around a rope several times. She finished tugging a bale of hay to the loft, before jumping down to the ground.
“We’s lookin for knee-lickers! Has you seen any, miss farmer pony?” Kaye asked, bouncing up and down. Good grief, I wish I had her energy...
Jay looked back and forth between Kaye and I before asking, “Chaperoning?”
I nodded, only just beginning to regain my breathing. Oh man, I should not have run to the barn. I was already hot and sweating before, but now it's really bad, and now the dirt is starting to turn into mud and make my fur clump and ugh! I shivered, the feeling of ick intensified tenfold now that I had acknowledged it. Don't you just hate it when that happens? It's like when you get a haircut. So long as you don't think about it, you won't be itchy, but the second you start to think about the tiny pieces of hair that didn't fall out is when they really start to drive you insane!
“Y'all okay there, sugarcube?” I heard Jay ask. “Should ah get the hose?”
“Please,” I said, the words forcing my head up, as my jaw was resting on the hay.
“Oh! Oh! Me! Me me me me! Pick me! I, I can get the hose! I bees super fast!”
I whimpered as Kaye stepped on my tail in her haste to get outside, though luckily it didn't hurt that much. Helps that she's a lot smaller than I am, and lighter, of course. I decided for the sake of my health, so to say, to ignore Christine's snickers.
“Well, she sure is full of energy,” Jay remarked, shaking her head with a grin. “Just as bad as Bloom, ah reckon. Least she wants to make 'erself useful. If only she were a bit bigger, ah'd consider hiring her too.”
“Wait, you're getting paid to fail at pulling a plow?” Christine asked quietly, quirking an eyebrow at me.
“Kinda. We agreed to base it off how much I get done, not how long I work. She knows I'm doing partially to help around the farm, but also as a way to exercise to lose weight, so we decided that was the most fair way to decide how much I'd get paid. That way I have more incentive to push myself as much as I can for multiple reasons.”
“Huh. Makes sense, I guess,” Christine said slowly.
“You guess?” I tilted my head, blinking. “Why only guess? Am I overlooking something?”
“No, I just forgot already that you, um...”
She actually had the decency to blush a little! Of course, that just made me laugh, though I was quick to hold up a paw so I wouldn't get smacked again for insolence or something. “It's alright, Christine. I was fairly tall and broad back home, so I guess I just carry it well.”
Hey, brah? Judging by her confusion, I don't think that's her name.
What? But come on! Her name can't be Cryssy! Um, think, think...
“My name isn't Christine. Jessie isn't even close to Christine!”
Jessie, huh? A much more appropriate name for her being short-tempered. Wonder if she's a red-head.
Not even gonna go there, Brian; that's colorist!
“That short for Jessica? Sorry, distracted,” I apologised, scratching the back of my head, before pulling my now-muddy paw away. After shaking the mud loose, I was able to focus for a moment, answering, “Well, Kaye called you Cryssy, so I... well, I assumed it was short for Christine. So tha-”
“Where in tarnation did Kaye go? The hose is right around th' corner for cryin' out loud,” Jay interrupted, her hoof tapping the floor.
I blinked, then shared a look with Jess. A look that was universal in understanding. A look that, no matter the gender, species, or era in time, could never be confused with another look. The look that said...
“She's getting into trouble, isn't she?” we said in stereo, ending in a sigh.
Figures, I thought with a sniff, wiping my nose with a blue paw. Not even sure how all of this happened, really. But between yesterday, today, and when I got here, I think it's safe to say that these things are either Fluffy's fault, Kaye's fault, or it's just this world.
“Achoo!”
I shivered, but at least my sneeze helped get a little extra water off me. Great, I'm probably gonna be sick for a week because of this, aren't I? How did Kaye even manage to do all that with just a hose? And in only three minutes?!
“That was awesome!” Fluffy exclaimed, pulling his head-fur back into position. “Let's do that again! We should totally make a water park! We'll rake in bits faster than you can say Chiktikka Fastpaws!”
“F-f-faster than who?” I sneezed again, and I could practically feel myself getting sick.
“Eh, I'll explain later,” he said with a shrug, shaking himself. “Hold still, though. This should only take a sec.”
“What should only take a s-Eeeek!”
He- that- he just freaking covered me in fire! I'm gonna-
Wait, it... doesn't hurt? The frell?!
“Holy shite, it worked!” Fluffy exclaimed, eyes wide open. “That's epic!”
“You've got five seconds to explain why you just breathed fire at my face before I rip your head off,” I growled, managing to refrain my language in front of Kaye.
“Oh, that's easy!” He smiled, sitting down. “You were the plank of wood, and the water was Eldritch Demon Spawn from Hell ™!”
“What?!”
“Oh! I gets it!” Kaye exclaimed, jumping up and down. Well, if it could be called jumping with like half a gallon of water weighing her down. “Do me, do me!”
“Okay!”
I didn't feel my jaw drop, or notice my eyes widen, but I know they must have, because these two have lost their minds! “No, don-”
And then Kaye was enveloped in flames, right before my eyes. I could barely hear her screams of pain as I saw red. “You bastard! You killed Kaye!”
“Silly Cryssy! Whai you bees talkin' about fish poops? You, you's gross!”
Aaaaand there goes what sanity I had left. She... how is she alive?! Fluffy engulfed her in fire! I saw it!
“Figured out when I burned an Eldritch Demon Spawn from Hell ™ at the playground that was on the sea-saw,” Fluffy explained, sitting down. “The fire 'burned' the sea-saw, but it wasn't damaged, leaving a small pile of ash, so I experimented a little. Not sure how it works, exactly, but as long as I concentrate really hard on what I want to burn, and what I want to leave untouched, only the part I want actually gets affected.”
“Wait, so like that's how Ash's Charizard kept breathing fire at him, but he didn't get anything but soot on him?” I asked, starting to wonder about the implications.
“Yeah! At least, that's what I think,” Fluffy said, scratching the back of his head.
“So is that how you can fight inside buildings and stuff and it doesn't get destroyed in the games?”
“I...” Fluffy hesitated, thinking. “I don't know... See, that's where it stops making sense, because yeah, we see some instances where attacks seem to have no effect on the terrain, but then we see things like Lt. Surge's Raichu nearly destroying the gym in an explosion of electricity. I mean, that could just be the Raichu not concentrating on what it wanted to get hit, or wanting to hit everything, but... I don't know.”
As Kaye bounded onto my back, I couldn't help but notice how nice and warm she was. I melted as she accidentally massaged me with her paws. I... what were we talking about again? Mmm... Something about... ahh... Oh, oh, right there, right-
Uhh... Brian, what am I seeing?
Well, brah, it seems... Kaye is hitting the right pressure points? If that's the case, maybe we should observe?
Yeah, because we can't just ask her where they are or anything.
“Hey, so uh, Jessie, you feeling alr-”
“Nu-uh! Her name bees Cryssy, silly Fluffy!” Kaye interrupted, jumping up and down. “Cryssy Crystal! She, she bees my big sissy! Sissy Cryssy!”
Crystal? But Jess said... Oh. That must be her 'given' name in Equestria, like Fluffy.
Then I suppose we should tell her our real name later too, shouldn't you?
Yeah, probably. Wow, you're being strangely useful, Brian. What gives?
Eh, feeling strangely generous today, what can I say? Don't get used to it.
Duly noted.
“Er, Kaye, mind hopping down so I can talk to Crystal?” I asked, laying down on the ground.
I got a face-full of puppy eyes for my efforts. “But Mista Fluffy, I wants a playground! I, I gots ta has a playground! I's a growing girl! I needs my egg sir size!”
“Yeah, she needs her warm paws,” Jess mumbled, barely audible over her purring.
“You can climb on me,” I offered. “I am bigger, so that means more fun, right?”
“Hmm.” She stroked her chin and imaginary beard for a moment, before jumping onto me with a joyful, “Yayifications!”
After several wince-filled seconds, Jess regained enough of her composure to huff at me some more. “You've got five seconds to explain why I'm no longer getting an amazing back massage, Fluff-butt.”
“Because,” I said slowly, blowing fire onto my own paws. “This seems like a good time to experiment with something. I have next to no experience with giving massages, so if there's any techniques I can use to help the quality of my massages until I get better with actual skill, I want to take advantage of it. So-”
“A needle pulling thread?” She interrupted with a shit-eating grin.
I blinked for a moment, before protesting. “Hey, that's my line! Thief!”
“Braggart.”
“Hypocrite.”
“Dork.”
“Cheerleader.”
“Fatso.”
“Meanie-head.”
“Gerd.”
“Pfft...”
We both started laughing, much to the confusion of little Kaye, I'm sure, as she started beating both of us with her little paws, proclaiming, “Hey! Is, ish meanness to call other peoples names, meanie-heads! So stoppit!”
Jess wiped a tear from her eye as she asked, “Never?”
“Hmm... Nah!” I grinned back, before breathing fire onto my paws once more. “You mind telling me when I hit a sweet spot?”
“What do I get out of it?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Free massages when I'm not working?”
“Deal!”
“I'm late!”
Dammit Brian! Why did you let me get so distracted?!
It's not my fault I have A.D.O.S. Syndrome! I did my best!
Yeah, well... you still suck!
“Weee!” a certain pink puffball said from my back. “Fasta Fluffy! Fasterer!”
“Kaye,” Jess said from the left, lazily trotting to keep up. “He's not a horse, okay? He's doing the best he can, but it's already been a long day, and on top of that, he's overweight, okay? You can't expect him to be able to go as fast as I can, that's just not fair.”
“Aww... Okay!” Kaye exclaimed, before I felt much lighter. “Go faster, Sissy! Faster than a tallest building!”
I would have laughed, but I needed the air for more important things. Like breathing. Breathing is good. Breathing is very good. Breathing is never not good. Breathing is never not good even under the most strenuous circumstances, do you understand?! The only time it is never not ungood is when the air you're breathing is poisoned gas, and arguably, that's not even air!
We arrived at the outskirts of Ponyville, and I was puffing like the bellows, I'm sure. I was barely more than speed-walking at this point, but I still had to go as fast as I could. I had to! I was late! Late... for the spa!