NO BREATHING! and other stories

by Doctor Parker


THE SKYFOOGLE!

To make Apple Bloom feel better about having to take Hard Knox's class all over again, Applejack treated her little sister to seeing a live show, featuring "the fiercest animal in the world."

"So, is it a Femi-Nazi?" Apple Bloom inquired.

"I dunno" Applejack replied "it's somethin' called 'the Skahfoogle'; guess it could be one of them 'polygamy correct' terms for Femi-Nazis, but let's not jump into any conclusions."

Apple Bloom thought about for a minute. "So, Rainbow Dash might be a Skahfoogle?"

"I dunno; we'll see." Applejack replied.

Indeed, a tent was set up, and notices put up all around Ponyville, advertising the appearence of the fiercest animal in the world: The SKYFOOGLE!

They all went to the park at 2:00 PM the next day, and Apple Bloom noticed two stallions that looked awfully familiar advertising their Skyfoogle. "Step right up to see Flim and Flam's monster, the Skyfoogle!" they shouted.

There were many Ponies there, for it is not every day you get to see The Fiercest Animal in the World, and Ponyville was a small town, so it was inevitable that they saw many Ponies whom they knew. For example, Applejack saw Fluttershy with Iron Will, and shouted "Howdy!"

"Oh, hey," Fluttershy replied.

"Watcha doin'?" Applejack asked, rather curious what Fluttershy was doing there with Iron Will.

Fluttershy then muttered something about "Iron Will"

"Wut?"

"Um, I mean, Iron Will is accompanying me to see this fierce animal, so that I don't get too scared."

"THAT RIGHT!" Iron Will shouted. "Iron Will is ready for anything! IRON WILL WILL BE FLUTTERSHY'S KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR AND HOLD HER WHEN THE SKYFOOGLE SHOWS ITS UGLY HEAD!!"

Then Rainbow Dash came by, with Scootaloo and Soarin' at hoof. Apple Bloom noticed that Rainbow's tail was intertwined with Soarin's.

"Rainbow Dash, I gotta ask ya somethin'." Apple Bloom began.

"G'head!" Rainbow replied.

"Does Soarin' know he's dating the Skahfoogle?"

"Wha- I'm not the Skyfoogle!" Rainbow objected. "Even if I was, Soarin' wouldn't be scared, would you Honey?"

"Um, well, I don't know...I have yet to meet the fiercest animal..."

"Ugh, remind me why I loved you again?" Rainbow Dash asked.

Soarin' then retorted "Hey, I didn't say you were a Skyfoogle!"

"I KNOW! But you're afraid! Why would I have the patience for a scaredy-cat like you??!"

Apple Bloom did not hear Soarin's response for then a tall thin stallion was present, "5 bits please!"

There was a tall, thin stallion with a dark red mane standing at the entrance to the tent, forbidding entrance unless one payed the fee. Another stallion, one without a mustache, stood at the stage. This stage in front of which many foldable metal chairs which were placed all under the tent, and before going to the back of the tent, he said: "And now, the lovely assistant shall part the curtains, and reveal to us the true horror of the Skyfoogle!"

Then, the "Lovely assistant" came along, who was a blue Unicorn with a white mane wearing a one-piece suit, short cape, top-hat, and dress-shoes; Apple Bloom also wondered if she saw that mare before. The Mare announced, "And now, you shall see the Great and Powerful Skyfoogle!" And then she used her magic to part the curtains.

"But Mister!" started Apple Bloom, "The Skyfoogle is already here! In front of me!"

"For the last time, I'm not a Skyfoogle-" Rainbow Dash began.

But there was an awful noise: The yell of a stallion, an unearthly cry, and the sounds of chains rattling.

Then, one of the two brothers ran out (the one with a mustache), but now his clothes were torn and there was blood all over him.

"Quick! Get out of here! The Skyfoogle has escaped!" he shouted.

They all ran in a hurrry, to avert the Skyfoogle's wrath.

Apple Bloom started "But where is the Skahfoogle? Ah can't see 'im!"

While the chaos ensued, Fluttershy saw her date, Iron Will, run away all by himself, screaming like a little girl, so she yelled very, very hard:

"YOU COME BACK HERE AND SAVE ME YOU BIG BABY!!!!!!!" she roared.

Applejack gave her answer: "Nope, Fluttershy is the Skyfoogle."

They all agreed that no animal is fiercer than Fluttershy.

*********************

Soarin' then got up on his hind legs and, with fists in the air, swinging randomly, while is was jumping up and down, he shouted "Come at me, Skyfoogle!"

Rainbow Dash, all curled up in a corner, saw the courage that she didn't expect from Soarin'. She now remembered what drew her to him.

But as Soarin' continued to dance on his hooves, waving what would have been fists in the air, Rainbow Dash said "hey, Soarin'...I don't think the Skyfoogle is here."

Soarin' looked around and then said with a small sigh "You know...I don't think there really was a Skyfoogle, was there?"

"I don't think so," Rainbow admitted "but you'll have to do."

And they embraced and kissed intensely.

*********************

After that, they all gathered in a nearby fast-food joint and laughed about it all.

They never saw the Stallion twins or the Unicorn mare ever again...

...They never saw their bits ever again...

...And they never saw...THE SKYFOOGLE!!

Unless Fluttershy counts (which she probably doesn't).

******************

Flim, Flam, and Trixie had established a wonderful system: They would go around telling everyone that they had the fiercest animal in the world, and then they would collect tickets; mind you, they didn't have a single creature on them, but they were very good at faking it, and they would take all the bits and leave.