Dude, What the FFFF!!

by Vallis


Some DEEP Shit


POV: Joel


Mkay, I DEFINITELY missed out something. I watched a few episodes of MLP to kind of know who is who. The main characters I mean. But heyo, look at that, Twilight has a horn... and a pair of wings. Wings.

Wings.

With all that royal jewelry stuff too. So she's a princess.

"Your highness." I bowed to Twilight at the last second, looking like a fool from taking in the information.

"It's an absolute pleasure, believe me! Oh my goodness- tell me, how is your world like? Is it like ours? I'm surprised that you even speak equestrian!"

I cocked an eyebrow, although still bowing.

"You mean english?"

"Oh, is that what it's called in your home planet? EEEE! So many questions!!" She began to hop around like some... child. I guess she's still just regular ol' twilight, other than being a princess now? Honestly, that's a relief. I'm not so good knowing that I'm surrounded by royalty that can banish me to the moon for... anything really. Ok, I know they're not like that, but the point is I'm trying to put a good impression here.

"Soon, but not now, Twilight." Celestia giggled. "For now, I'll show our guest here to where he will be residing, and we'll see him again at lunch." Twilight hopped around gleefully as she stacked probably hundreds of questions by the second to ask me later on.

"It's a pleasure to see you, Joel. Luna told me that she's taken care of you already with breakfast?" Celestia raised a hoof in question.

"Yes, she has."

"Oh, heh- please, rise. You kind of look... silly, bowing for the past few minutes." She tried her best to not giggle. I scratched my ear out of embarassment, standing up as my legs and ankles gave a few pops and cracks.

"So Joel, I'm sure my pupil here will find your friend, and find the both of you a way back home in no time. I've arranged for you to stay for as long as you should, so no worries." She beckoned for me to follow.

"Thank you, your highness." I catched up and walked right by her side.

"Not a problem at all."

"Although, where's princess Luna?"

"Luna? She's on duty for now. May I ask why?"

"Oh, can you let her know that I still owe her?"

"Oh- of course." She chuckled. "I will make sure to let her know. Anything else?"

"That's all princess."

"Alright then. Well, here we are." She opened a door to what I assumed was the room where I was going to stay in. I stepped in, looked around, and fuuuuuuck.

Talk about high society. I just... I'm going to spare you the details, because personally, I want this beautiful room to stay in my mind, only for my eyes. Call me an asshole, but fuck, if you were here you wouldn't want to share this treasure for shit with anyone else either too.

"Oh, and one last thing, Joel." said Celestia, snapping me out of my trance-like state.

"Y-yes?"

"Just call me Celestia." She smiled.

"Are you sure that's alright?" I questioned.

"Of course? Unless... you're a wuss to call royalty by their name?" She winked, and closed the door.








...That just happened.

And I would've laughed if my jaw wasn't hanging down a mile.


POV: Chris


I pushed the door forward, the cliche bells ringing as I did so.

"Helluu? Vinyl?" I whispered loudly in the seemingly empty record shop. I began to browse around, reading the many different titles and artists as I did.

"The Living... Tombstone? Just, how do they come up with such names." I shook my head as I smirked. "What else is here, uhh... Wooden Toaster? Wow."

I heard hoofsteps coming down from a staircase behind the cashier table. The pony arrived to the bottom, unveiling herself to me.

"Oh, hi, um... excuse me, miss? Would you happen to know where Vinyl is?" I asked as politely as I could. The mare then turned her head, and took a good few moments to stare.

"I- uh..." I waved my hoof awkwardly, trying to snap her out of it. She eventually gave her head a small shake, and laughed nervously.

"I'm sorry, it's just, WOW. You look a whole lot like DJ Pon-3."

"Ah, funny you mention that... I almost got killed for it."

She gasped.

"Oh my gosh, you were the one that was getting chased? Vinyl was sweating her flank off, she couldn't do anything about it other than sit at the store's front window and yell 'RUN DUDE, RUN!!' the whole time." The clerk laughed.

"Really? Heh, glad to know she didn't record it with a flip cam or something."

"Oh no no no, she's not like that at all! In fact, she really adores her fans, it's just the really obsessive ones who chase her down that she runs away from. Did you know that she actually donates half of her earnings from every show to orphana-"

"OH MY CELESTIA, THERE YOU ARE!!" Vinyl shouted, practically leaping from the top of the staircase. She slid over the counter and tackle hugged me.

"AGH!"

"Dude, I'm so fucking sorry, I thought you were right behind me, I didn't know you fell behind-"

"I-its ok, Vinyl. You're squeezing me though. Ack!" I've had my fair share of bear hugs, but this mare is a different story.

"Oh! Crap, sorry." She got off of me, and pulled me up from the ground. I dusted myself, chuckling.

"That's alot o'love you give out in those hugs."

The clerk joined in with a chuckle aswell.

"And there's more to come." She added.

"Joy." I said with sarcasm, gaining a punch to the shoulder from the DJ.

"You'll love them eventually, now c'mon. I've got some stuff to show you!" Vinyl practically gave a squee in the end.

"Ok, just one minute though, I think you broke my hip." I feigned a limp, causing the clerk mare to laugh even more, and gaining one more punch to the shoulder from the DJ.

"You're such a punk." Vinyl laughed.

"I know right?" I laughed aswell.

"Hold on a sec," She began to trot, but stopped right away. "I never got your name dude."

They both had their eyes on me now.

"Uhm... Vallis."

"Vallis?" Vinyl cocked an eyebrow.

"...Vallis Scratch." I scratched my forearm from being a bit nervous. I had no idea how she was going to react.

"...Vallis. Scratch." She monotoned, her expression changing in a blink of an eye.

"Yyyyep." I stated a bit over casually. She stared at me (through her shades I guess) for what felt like an eternity, until she gave a quick glance at the clerk. Although, it wasn't a glance. She actually turned her head away to remove her shades and wipe her eyes.

"A-...Are you crying?"

"You're not fucking with me, are you?" She practically hissed, her voice cracking as her emotions completely flipped. "You're not some fucking- ps-s-syco are you? Some fucking crazy fan who- who got his hair and name and cutie mark changed so he would think it's cute to pretend to b-be a relative of mine?! Huh?!"

"No, not at all!" I raised my hooves in defense, completely surprised by this. She got real close, eye to eye, for once allowing me to see them and their color, and poked my chest really hard.

"How, fucking, old are you." She demanded an answer, rather than asking for one.

"T-twenty."

For a moment, her eyes went soft. But they immediately went hard again. She pointed her hoof at my face, her mouth opening and closing as if she wanted to continue interrogating me. Then, the unexpected came.

"F-f-f-fuck. Me." She mumbled. "Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. No. No." She began to mumble to herself more than anyone else.

She threw herself onto me, crying in my chest. I was absolutely, 100% lost now. Instinctively, I grabbed her and comforted her to the best of my abilities. I spoke real quietly to her like how a mother would to a baby.

"Vinyl, what's going on-"

"I though-..." She sniffled. "I thought, you were fuckin' gone for good."




What.




"What?" I asked, absolutely confused. She started to chuckle, although it was more of a mix of tears and laughter.

"Of course you wouldn't remember..." She sniffled again, wiping her nose and eyes with a tissue that was provided by the clerk. I gave the clerk a quick glance to see if she possibly knew what was going on. To my despair, she simply held her hoof up against her mouth the entire time, eyes wide..

"Remember what?" I questioned further.

"We-..." She cleared her throat. "We grew up... you and me. Together in an orphanage in Manehatten. I was eight, you were four. Too young to remember anything."

Oh. Oh no.

"...We were there for as long as I could remember, ever since you were a foal, and I was a lil' filly. I mean, I didn't really get to see you alot until you were about two and I was six. They pretty much handed you to me by then and said 'ere, he's old enough to hang with you now'."

Oh. Shit. No.

"I was confused at first, but I mean, we were pretty much twins when it came to appearances. I didn't know if you were my brother, or if you just by pure luck some kid who looked alot like me. You didn't even have a name. But, either way, I fuckin' grew onto you, and you to me. I always thought you were my brother. You wanted a name one day, and you said you wanted my name too." She laughed, her tears drying little by little.


...Oh god. I think...


"So I gave you your name. Vallis. Scratch. The Scratch twins. Vinyl n' Vallis. From there on, I didn't give a flying crap anymore if you were related to me or not. You were my brother, and I was your sister. Period." She gave a poke at my chest for emphasis.


...I may have...


"Then, one day, shit in the orphanage just... pft." She shook her head in disbelief. "Fucked up. It was everypony for themselves, and if you couldn't help somehow with atleast the fuckin' chores, you were kicked out. I was eight, I had no problems at all, and had magic to help." She gave a touch to her horn. "But you were only four for fuck sake, and you couldn't fly or do magic, you had nothing. I tried, I really fucking did try to keep you in with me, but they... fuckin', threw you out like nothing." Her tears were there again.


...Fucked up...


"You didn't leave though. Since my bed was at the first floor at the front of the orphanage, you use to stay outside my window. I use to steal what I could from the kitchen to help you from starving, and steal blankets to keep you warm at night. We'd talk from the window for so many nights, staying up until the sun came up." She wiped her eyes again. "But then one day, while you were gone panhandling... you just, fucking disappeared. I waited all night for you, but nothing. I waited the next night, nothing. I waited for a whole week. A month. A year. I even kept on stealing food and blankets, and left them outside the window just incase you'd come back one day and say that you... I dunno, fuckin' found us some parents or something." She laughed.

"Eventually, I got kicked out too, when they caught on that I was stealing their shit. Didn't stop me from looking for you though. Hell, I was happy they kicked me out. It gave me the freedom to look for you. I even got a small job at a corner store that you and I use to visit whenever we had enough bits to buy some snacks. I was hoping that maybe you'd stop by the corner store too. But... fuck it. You were long gone." She bit her lip, shaking her head. "I thought, I don't know, that some fucking sicko grabbed you and did Faust knows what. But I really hoped that maybe somebody kind picked you up, and raised you. I always hoped for that."

"...Well, heh. You were right all along for hoping that, Vinyl."



I'll have you know... It has never, pained me this much to lie to someone in my entire life. Ever.



She hugged me, although this time not so fuckin' tight, thank goodness. I hugged her back, and quickly wiped a small tear that I had hanging from the corner of my eye. Fuck. I have never been so fucking touched... I couldn't hold myself from shedding a tear. I even had a lump in my throat for fuck sake.

"C'mon dude... I wanna show you that studio." She smiled, giving a light hearted giggle.

"Heh, let's go for it." I smiled weakly.


I followed her up to the second floor, making sure to give my goodbyes to the clerk as she left for her lunch break. The studio was just what I imagined it was going to be. Like some record company's all-in-one music studio. But I wasn't that excited anymore. I knew that deep down in my mind with all this now...







I fucked up.


And I've only been here in this new fuckin' planet for a few hours. Must be a fucking record.