A Study In Nonsense

by Professor Piggy


Punchlines

'Fluttershy, that's enough!'

Pinkie Pie's voice was loud and shrill, piercing the strange silence of the cottage and causing the other pony, one eyebrow raised high and a smirk on her face, to turn toward her. For a moment the two simply stood, staring at one another, and Pinkie couldn't help but tremble as her eyes took in the faded, dull yellow of her friend's coat and the vicious amusement in those eyes. And then her back leg kicked out again, her hoof snapping back into Twilight's face with a crack that chilled Pinkie to the bone.

'Stop!' She screamed it this time, and without thinking she found she had taken a few quick steps towards the Pegasus. Fluttershy's smirk grew wider, those cruel eyes narrowing, and she tutted as she took a measured step back and casually lowered a hoof onto Twilight's throat. Pinkie saw her unconscious friend's breathing grow faster, more pained, and stopped herself, stepping backwards for good measure. Fluttershy didn't move her hoof, but she nodded her head.

'There, you see? It's not really very difficult to follow simple instructions. Even an idiot like you can do it, as long as there's somebody with half a brain around to remind you every now and again. But if I were you, I'd be very careful about forgetting again – this is delicate work, and I'm so very easily frightened. Who knows what might happen if you make me nervous?'

'I'm sorry. I... I didn't mean to. I just – you're already hurting her. I know you're not yourself right now, so maybe you can't see that. The Fluttershy I know wouldn't -'

'The Fluttershy you know is a weak willed little coward who'd rather hide under her bed and bob her stupid, empty head than actually stand up for herself when it really matters. Not that any of you are any better.'

'She is not! She's the sweetest, bravest, most super amazing pony ever, and she's better than you!'

'Oh really? And what makes you say that? The fact she loves her animals? Because she doesn't, you know. And even if you don't, I do. She doesn't care about them – she just wants to feel needed. To be somebody's hero without having to actually listen to all the pointless garbage all you other ponies spew out. Not that you ever had the decency to shut up and leave her alone for five seconds.'

'That's not true! Fluttershy loves - you love your friends! Angel, and Hummingway, and Barry, and all the others! And me too! You told me so!'

'I did, didn't I? It seemed like such a good idea at the time. Three little words to make you stop blubbering and crying all over the floor. Do you have any idea how pathetic you looked? And it didn't even work. You just kept whining and whining and whining about how everybody laughs at you, and they all hate you, and all those other things everypony with eyes already knows. No wonder they were laughing. Your entire life's just one big joke, with you as the punchline.'

'I...you didn't...you didn't mean it? But – no! No! That doesn't matter right now! This isn't about us, it's about Twilight! You're hurting her, Fluttershy! You're gonna kill her!'

'Oh please. I already told you, I know what I'm doing. You don't spend as much time helping stupid little animals and pathetic ponies as I have without knowing how not to kill somepony. She'll be just fine. I haven't even broken any bones yet.'

'You won't. I know you won't. You won't right? Because I don't really think you have that in you but... but I didn't think you had this in you either! Why are you doing this!? You said you just wanted to talk to her!'

'I did want to talk to her. And I did, but unfortunately the poor dear didn't really answer my questions terribly well. You'd think a Princess would be able to explain herself better. Or at least that she'd be ready for a kick to the head. It's kind of sad, really – I wonder if it'd be this easy to take out Luna?'

'It's not her fault! She trusts you! We all trust you! That's why you've gotta stop! Whatever's wrong with you, whatever happened, we can fix it! I'll help! So will Dashie, and even Twilight if you let her! You just have to stop!'

'Why? So I can go back to playing friendship with a two bit Princess who only got the job by stumbling on the answer to a problem that was her fault in the first place? She could have killed us, you know. She already changed our memories – our destinies. How do we even know she put those back right? For all we know she duped us, just like she duped the Princess into believing she knows what she's doing. And I don't know about you, but I'm not willing to take that chance.'

'She's our friend! She wouldn't do that! She loves us! And you love her! You just gotta trust me, Flutters. Please. You...you can't do this.'

'Of course I can. Unless you think you're going to stop me.'

This time, Pinkie's lunge across the room was no accident. And this time, as Fluttershy's smirk became a grin and she lowered herself to meet Pinkie's charge, Pinkie couldn't keep the tears from flowing.