Chapter 4: Love’s Dimming
Twilight
"Spike," I said out loud, sitting in front of an old gravestone, tears in my eyes."Why did you sacrifice yourself for me?”
Looking up at the gravestone, it read, 'Spike Sparkle, Loyal Friend, Loving Son, Wise Dragon.'
"You had so much to live for. So much potential. I remember when you told me you thought of me as your mother, not just your friend or sister. It truly made me think about how I felt about you," as I spoke, my mind drifted off into the past.
* * *
"Spike, can you come here please?" I called out.
"Sure, Twilight. I'll be right there," I heard my number one assistant call back to me.
As Spike ran up to me, I smiled at him, thankful he was so quick.
"What did you need, mo-Twilight?" Spike said, almost slipping on his words.
I thought he had started my name with a "mo" sound but didn't look at it too much at the time.
"Could you run an errand for me? I need this book taken to AJ," I said, levitating a book into his claws.
"Why Applejack? What would she want a book for?" Spike asked, looking at the book.
"It's a book about different apple trees that she wants. Would you take it to her for me Spike? I would go myself but I have stuff to do here. You can even stay there and hang out with the crusaders, if you want."
“No problem, Twilight,” my number one assistant said, placing the book under his arm as he turned to leave.
“Make sure you don’t stay out too late.”
“Okay. I’ll see you later, Twi,” he said, leaving to take the book to AJ.
Hours later, I was starting to worry about Spike. Luna had already brought out the moon and it was getting high into the night sky, and he still wasn’t back.
“Where are you, Spike? You shoulda been home already,” I said outloud to myself.
My ears perked up, as I heard the front door squeak open. I rushed downstairs from my bedroom just in time to see Spike trying and failing to close to the door quietly, possibly hoping I was already asleep.
“Spike, where have you been?” I asked, after the door had been fully closed.
Spike jumped in surprise, and slowly turned around to face me. “Hey, Twilight. I thought you would already be in bed,” he said, sheepishly.
“Its kinda hard to sleep when you're worried about somepony you care about.”
“Sorry, mom. I didn’t mean to worry you,” Spike said, clamping a claw over his mouth as he realized what he had said.
For my part, my eyes went wide and my wings bulged out slightly, I still hadn’t been able to fully control them at the time, at being called “mom” and not in a sarcastic tone either.
"Spike, what did you just call me?" I asked, confused as to why he would call me mom.
"I DIDN'T CALL YOU MOM, I SWEAR ON CELESTIA I DIDN'T," Spike replied rather loudly, waving his claws around.
"Spike, please don't lie to me. I promise I won't be mad, just tell me why you called me mom," I asked him, calmly smiling at him.
Spike dropped his arms to his side and I noticed him sigh, like he always did when I caught him in a lie.
"You want me to be completely honest right?" He asked nervously.
"Yes."
"I called you mom, cause I have always thought of you as my mother. I always wanted to tell you, but I was worried how you would take it. You always said you thought of me as a little brother,” he told me, looking down, playing with his claws.
I was unable to reply to what he had told me. I always thought of him as my little brother, and here he tells me that he thinks of me as his mother. What should I have said, or done? I was confused by this turn of events.
Moments later, I was able to reply.
“I don’t know what to say, Spike. I care about you deeply, but I’ve never thought about anything like this before.”
“It’s ok, Twi. You don’t have to say anything. I promise I won’t bring it up again,” Spike told me, as he turned around and left, hanging his head low.
I could tell he was depressed that I wasn’t able to say anything to him about it, but what could I say? I was confused at the time.
About a week passed, and I could not get what Spike had told me out of my head. I had to talk to him and at least give him closure to this ordeal, since he was also a little distant this week.
“Spike, can you come here? I need to talk to you about something,” I called out to him. It was time to get this settled.
Spike came walking into the room, smiling at me as he replied, “What’s up, Twi?”
Even though his smile I could tell he was sad.
“I wanted to talk to you about what happened last week, and wanted to ask you a question.”
“I thought we agreed we didn’t need to talk about this?”
“Sorry to break this to you, Spike. But I never agreed to anything. So will you answer my question?” I asked, smiling down at him sweetly.
“What did you wanna ask me?” He said, hanging his head low.
“Why do you think of me as your mother?”
“What?”
“I wanna know ‘why’ you think of me as your mother, Spike,” I said, putting emphasis on why.
“Do you wanna know everything?”
“Everything you're willing to tell me.”
Spike raised his claw and scratched his chin, most likely trying to think of how to start.
“Well, for starters, you were the one who hatched me out of my egg. Second, you always looked after me. Third, whenever I got sick, you stayed at my side and helped me get better,” Spike began to tell me.
He continued in this vein for awhile. I honestly can’t remember everything he told me; he had so much to say. Listening to him list off reasons for thinking of me as his mother though made me think about it. I could plainly see why he thought of me as his mother.
“Finally, you always find time to just, ‘be’ with me, be it by reading a book with me or just hanging out with me. Even though you're now a princess,” Spike said, finishing his list.
“Okay first off, I turned down Celestia’s offer to become princess. Second, I may be a ‘High Lady’ now because of my alicorn status, but I would always find time to spend with you. And third, listening to your list, I can honestly see, why you would see me as your mother,” I said, smiling at him gently.
I saw him smile at me, but could see still a small sadness in his eyes, so I strode forward and embraced him in a hug, using my hooves and my wings.
“Remember this, Spike. I’ll always care about you, and love you,” I told him, releasing him slightly so I could look at him in the eyes. “But I think today, our relationship changes.”
“What do you mean changes?” he asked, looking at me slightly scared.
“I mean, I don’t think I can think about you as my little brother anymore,” I saw him become crestfallen as I said this. I lifted his chin to look at me, as I continued to speak, “but that is not a bad thing, Spike. Everything you said about me, is true, and when I think about it the more I realize that, I can’t be your sister. But I can be your mother, if you’ll have me as such,” I finished, smiling at him.
I saw his eyes grow wide, as he took in what I had just said. As everything I said came into play, he embraced me in the biggest hug he had ever given me and I returned it.
“Oh thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou! Idon’thavetohideitanymore,” he said, speaking as fast as Pinkie, I could barely understand him. He looked up at me smiling as he asked, “would it be okay if I call you mom?”
I couldn't hear his last three words, but I knew what he was asking.
“Of course you can. What kind of mother would I be, if I didn’t let you call me as such? And I don’t care who knows, call me mom anytime you want. I actually kinda enjoyed it when you called me it last time, was just surprised that you did though.”
“Thank you, mom,” he said softly, as he leaned into my chest as we stayed embraced for a while, enjoying our new mother son relationship.
* * *
“That day, everything changed between the two of us, didn’t it? The girls were so shocked when they heard you call me mom for the first time, we spent a good hour and a half explaining everything to them,” I said out loud, sitting in front of my son's grave.
“How long has it been since Equestria and Drakonia signed the treaty? Twenty-eight years right? Did you know that after you saved my life, the dragon king, Bahamut, came before Tia, Luna, and myself. He asked to meet us on neutral ground to talk about the treaty,” I looked down at the grave before me.
A tear ran down my cheek, memories of holding my son in my hooves as he died ran through my head.
“The day you died, was one of the most painful of my life. I always knew I’d lose Shy to the sands of time, but I never thought I’d lose you the way I did,” looking up at the grave, another tear fell down my face. “I love you, Spike, but I have to leave now. I’ll try and visit more often.”
I turned away from my son’s grave and lit my horn with an old teleportation spell. Turning my head back to the grave, I took one more glance as my spell fired.
My teleportation spell brought me back to my room.
I walked into the bathroom hoping to relax after the visit to my son’s grave. Closing the door after I walked in, I lit a incense candle, knowing they were one of the few things that could help me after such a visit.
After filling the bathtub and stepping into it, I submerged my entire body. Leaning against the edge of the tub, I began to relax.
After becoming relaxed, I dunked my head under the water. As I went under, I took a deep breath.
While holding my breath under the water, I thought I heard my name being called. Thinking it was just Rose calling out for me, I came up to see if I would hear my name again.
Instead of hearing my name being called I heard hoofsteps in my bedroom.
“Rose, is that you in there?” I called, thinking she needed me.
“No, Twilight. It’s me, Cadance. I came to see you.”
The moment I heard my former foalsitters voice, I froze for a second.
“Cadance!” I yelled out, in anger.
I stepped out of the bath gritting my teeth, as I thought of the pony who abandoned me. She hasn’t returned any of my letters in over six years. Why would she even think to visit me face to face?
I opened the bathroom door and stepped outside, still soaking wet. There she was, the “Princess of Love”. The pony who told me she would always be there when I needed her. Looking at her my face contorted into one of pure rage, Only once in my life had I ever felt this angry at any pony.
“Twilight? Are you okay?” Cadance asked me, stepping back slightly, most likely at the look in my eyes.
“Am I okay? AM I OKAY?” I screamed in rage. “No, I’m not okay. Tell me, Cadance. Do you not know what happened? Apparently you do, seeing how you knew I was back in my old room,” I told her, spitting at her hooves. “You don’t care about me, you abandoned me, just like everypony else!”
"No, Twilight. That’s not true, I care about you very much, just as much as I care about Shining.”
Looking at her, I could tell she was scared. Who could blame her? When Spike was killed, Celestia told me that she was scared, that my rage was making my magic go insane. I took a deep breath, calming down.
After I calmed down I spoke, “Then tell me why... why didn’t you come see me when my wife left this world? I came and helped you when my brother passed away. You knew I was having a hard time watching my friends pass away. Why didn’t you come when I asked you to? And why haven’t you replied to any of my letters?”
“I haven’t received any letters from you in six years, Twilight,” she told me, teleporting a scroll to herself. “Celestia sent me this letter, asking for my help last night. I figured I could see you while I was here. When I got here though, she told me she needed my help with you, cause you haven’t taken Fluttershy’s death well. Which I didn’t even know happened till she told me when I was speaking to her just moments ago.”
I could tell she had calmed down after I had.
“So you came when Princess Celestia asked, but not when I asked? How does that work?” I asked.
“Twilight, please listen to me...” she started to speak, but I interrupted her.
“No, Cadance. I don’t want to hear what you have to say and I don’t need your help either. I just want you to get out of my room,” I told her, turning around facing the bathroom. I also opened my bedroom door with my magic hoping she would take the hint.
“Please, Twilight. I know I wasn’t here before, but I’m here now.”
“Leave. Now. I won’t ask a third time,” I said, stepping back into the bathroom and closing the door.
Shortly after closing the bathroom door, I heard my bedroom door close as well. Hearing my door close I was finally able to relax, knowing Cadance had left me alone. I stepped back into the bathtub, deciding I needed to finish my bath.
My ears perked up hearing my bedroom door open. My anger started rising again thinking Cadance had come back.
“Mi’lady? Have you returned?” upon hearing Rose’s soft voice, I relaxed again.
“Yes, Rose. I'm in the bath right now. Is there something you need?”
“No, ma’am. Was just wondering if you were okay after your visit today. I remember what happened last time you went,” Rose said sweetly. I could tell by the sound of her voice she was right outside my bathroom door.
“Thank you for your concern, but I’m fine Rose. Just had a difficult visit today after I returned to my room.”
“Would you be willing to tell me about it, mi’lady?” Rose asked.
Bless her heart. She always tries to help me, and I never show her any appreciation. In these last six years, she’s the only pony who has been at my side. It’s all because of Princess Celestia that I’m in this state anyway. Maybe I should try and talk about it to Rose.
“Give me time to finish my bath. Afterwards, yes, I would be willing to tell you about it,” I said, slightly louder then normal so she could hear me.
Once I finished my bath, I dried off and walked into my bedroom. I saw Rose waiting for me with a smile on her face.
“Let’s sit by the fireplace,” I said, walking over and sitting down on a cushion.